Dating a sociopath?

How does it feel to date a sociopath?

At first the sociopath will assess you, he will find out what makes you tick. What are you worth? What can he get out of you?

They ask probing questions, and you feel swept off your feet. They seem to know you well. It can only be a soul mate connection, right?


They move in FAST

The relationship moves at speed, often this is before you feel ready for it.  This can make you question if there is something wrong with YOU, as you don’t feel that way yet, ‘perhaps you should’? You think.

They tell you all kinds of amazing things about yourself. Many of the things they say, will be mirrored back to you, from things that you have said earlier. With the probing questions, came answers that they will now manipulate you with. They will say anything that they can think of, to win you, to seduce you.

  • D0 you have money worries? No worries, they will financially support you.
  • You are feeling low about yourself? Do you have a lack of self-esteem? No worries, they will tell you how wonderful, beautiful, intelligent you are.
  • D0 you find it difficult to trust? Have you been let down by someone in the past? NO worries, they will show you morals, how moralistic they are, to build trust.
  • You are finding life difficult to cope with? No worries they will be the biggest help, they will listen intently, they will be there for you, they will be helpful, useful
  • Are you successful? Do you have money to share? No worries, they will help you spend it….

They will go to great lengths. Why? They do this because they are predators.

In asking those probing questions, with that predatory stare that sometimes unnerved you, they were finding out your weaknesses. Whilst confiding in them your insecurities, they were storing this information. Like a predator.

What happens next is the love bombing. They bombard you and want to spend all of their time with you. It is likely that they will move in with you. They will shower you with affection and attention. You feel you are the centre of their world.

In the following period, they will use all of the information learned about you in the assessment period, to use you, drain you, and to gain everything from you that they can. But you will not be aware of this.

It is not because you are stupid. It’s because they are practised at being this way and you, you are not used to detecting someone of this evil nature.

You will not notice at first, that there is a lack of link to their past, the absence of friends, and family. All of the usual connections will not be present. However, he will notice who provides support in your life.

Gradually, he will isolate you from those people who give you support. He will make comments, so that you fall out with those people. He knows that having you alone and isolated from support is where he thrives best. He doesn’t want you to talk to other people, who might warn you off of him.

You are too valuable, right now, you are their prize. You are the life source of which he has none. You give him what he has not. This includes money, family and friends and a roof over their head.

You will not notice that they are taking from you. Not at first anyway. Remember that this person is a compulsive pathological liar. They will say and do almost anything to protect their lie.

After a while, you realise that you are the only one who is giving and that he is taking. You start to feel a sense of loss. And then you object. This is when the gas lighting starts.

The seduction stage is now over.

The sociopath now moves into gaming mode. Now that he has gained your trust, and you have fallen in love, he has control. It is now time to play the game. Lies are told, and they talk at a rate of 1000 miles an hour, you become confused. If you object, they tell you that you are crazy. By now many of you have lost people close to you, and have nobody else to give you a reality check. They now have you exactly where they want you.

Maybe those people close to you did try to warn you. But with his help, you shut out those friends, after all they were just jealous, bitter, they don’t have what you have?

When you think about things that don’t add up they gas light you further, so you begin to question your own sanity.

You might start to realise what is going on. Maybe you have evidence, maybe all those lies do not add up. After months of confusion, you start to see the light…. just slightly.

The sociopath can now see the end is near, his game is almost up. Or at least nearly, but he will give it one last shot. He will go to great lengths to cover for himself, and tell you that you are paranoid and insecure. Maybe you are now starting to become this way. After all, your mind has been played with. You have been manipulated, and deceived.

You decide that you have had enough. Your life is now going to the pan. Perhaps you have lost your job, financially you have lost, maybe you have also lost friends and family in the time you were defending him and they were trying to talk sense into you.

You have invested so much and lost so much, this can’t be true it can’t be happening? You didn’t want all that loss for nothing ….and so you try to make it work.

But he knows that the game is up or at least coming near to. So, out of the blue, the truth starts to emerge. He will do this deliberately. Deliberately he will let you know exactly what was happening and how stupid you were. You will feel embarrassed and ashamed that this has happened to you.

You try to rebuild your life, to catch up with old friends and other people in your life, anything to get back to normality and away from him.

But he is not going to let you get away that easily. Remember those things you told him in the probing questioning, assessment stage? At the time when you thought he was the love of your life? Well those things are now the very things that he will use against you…

It is now time for the smear campaign. The sociopath now has nothing to lose. He can’t have people finding out about him, as he hates exposure. So, he will report things you did when confused and he was gas lighting you. He will now contact people close to you, to discredit you.

At the end of the relationship he will bombard you again. But this time it is not pleasant. He will stalk you and he will still keep close tabs on you.  He is still clinging on for the last bit of control that he has.

You feel so alone. So damaged and so confused. What the hell has happened? You cannot talk about this to the people who warned you off him, either they have left, or you cannot talk to them, after you defended him so strongly and who would believe you anyway?

You are left alone… confused, bewildered, damaged, maybe your life is totally ruined…

You search the internet desperate for answers, what has happened to you, and why? You need to understand. You are quite understandably devastated, confused, lost, and totally bewildered. Your mind has been played with, often for quite a considerable time.

And so you seek help. You go online, and you search for answers. Then, you find websites, you go through the list, Is this him? You want it not to be true. If you are seeking the answer, is my partner a sociopath? If you recognise the crazy behaviour of your partner in this post, the answer is probably yes.

Copyright, all rights reserved

#content-blog .sticky .post-meta {
display: none;

When you feel that the Sociopath was the love of your life, the soulmate factor, what you really need to know!

When you feel like the Sociopath was the ‘love of your life’… what you really need to know!


I get it, I hear you. Your heart has been broken. The love that you felt in your heart, was used to manipulate, dupe and con. What a twisted turn of reality?

You might be sitting there, thinking ‘but you don’t understand this person WAS the love of my life!’

I hear you protesting, I repeat ‘I do understand’, but like everything when you have been lured into the Sociopaths box of tricks, and theatre of illusion, nothing is ever quite as it seems.

Can you remember when you first met the Sociopath? Can you remember how you felt when you first met? Perhaps this person was reserved, and ‘not quite sure of themselves’, they had been through a bit of a rough time, and maybe had a difficult childhood, or an ex who had treated them badly?

Perhaps you knew, that when something is damaged, all that you have to do is to water it with love? That is how it works right? We have seen battered dogs in a dog’s home, some cannot be rehomed, but many, with love, and care, really can. As the Sociopath assesses you (and YES this is exactly what they do), they are repeating back to you exactly what it is that they think that you wanted to hear.

I too, thought that the Sociopath was the love of my life. To really see the sickening truth, I have needed to go back in time, to go back through history, and to read chat logs, from way back. I needed to read back Facebook chat logs from December 18th 2011, the day after I first met him online.

It is true, that there were some things that we connected on. It is also true that he was lying to me, mirroring me, and assessing me from day one.

Like a predator that hunts its prey, this is all that I was to him.

He took a look at my Facebook profile. It was quite revealing, what would have stood out, was as it was almost Christmas, I was coming up to the 2nd anniversary of my daughter’s death. He scanned my Facebook, then said to me

I see that you had a baby who died on 16th January, what a bizarre coincidence, my baby died on 17th January. (This was a lie)

He could see that my grandmother had died only weeks before meeting him, and also it was clear by my write up on Facebook page, and also what I had written on the dating website, that I was spiritual, so he said

My dearest possession is some rotary beads, they were given to me by my grandmother, they mean so much, but she is dead now. (This again, was a lie)

He probably at this point expected me to go into a dialogue of being devastated about my grandmother’s death. But this didn’t happen. I was traumatised, and still grieving my daughter’s death the year before. Instead I simply replied

Well yes, I loved my grandmother very much, but she was old, and had lived her life, it was time for her to go (she was 94).

He pushed further, not getting further forward saying

So what kind of spirituality, do you do tarot cards?

I affirmed that I did, and quickly moved on.

He asked me three or four times the same question

So, tell me about what you don’t like?

He was now going to tailor make himself to be everything, minus what it was that I didn’t like. He didn’t do too good a job, as my first thought was that I didn’t like liars. I didn’t like people who couldn’t be honest. I told him this.

I then made a fatal error, as he returned to questioning me about my daughter’s death. It was a vulnerable time of the year for me, and I was still traumatised. I didn’t realise that evil such as him existed. It wouldn’t have been something that entered my mind, at the time. So I said that I lived in a nice house, but that I hadn’t moved here for me, I did it for my daughter, to provide her with a nice life. I said how

I would do anything for a child, but I wouldn’t do it for me


Now he knew what it was that I wanted, so he would sell this back to me. Within a very short time, he would, as all Sociopaths, who are the Salesman without the product, would sell to me exactly what he thought that I wanted.

This was despite the fact that it wasn’t his to sell. Sociopaths never let a minor detail like that get in the way. All that they think about is themselves.

He would tell me that his ex was dying of cancer, and that his daughter would have to come to live with us. I had never met her, but he appeared to be such a great father. Of course, he was being everything that my daughter’s father wasn’t. After a lot of ‘fishing’ within a short space of time, he had accurately assessed that what had devastated me, was my daughter dying suddenly at birth, and her father leaving days later.

So, he would fabricate that the mother of his child was dying of cancer, and that his daughter would have to come to live with us. Being a Sociopath he was master of illusion, with fake phone calls to back up the lies, always giving the appearance how great a father he was. He really went to town, and would often wake up in the morning, saying things like

I had the most amazing dream last night, it was me you and my daughter. We were walking along the beach, I know she is going to be so upset, but we will need to keep things positive for her, provide stability and love for her. I can see us all being together as a family. He was selling me what I had lost. The family with my little girl and my partner. As the months passed by he became more elaborate in his ploy to sell me what I wanted. This was despite the fact that he wasn’t seeing his daughter, it was all an illusion.

If I am honest, at the time it freaked me out. I wanted MY daughter, not somebody else’s although of course, I would have done anything to help. I wondered how I would cope, and if I was strong enough, but I would try. I couldn’t believe how unlucky we were being. I spoke to family and friends and tried to reach out for support, we were going to need it. I so felt sorry for his little girl, I hadn’t even spoken to her. I bought her things for my home, things to make and do, and pretty things for the bedroom. I feared how she would adjust. This lie was to continue for months. I asked friends who had children the same age for support. My daughter gave DVD’s for her, my mum was concerned, it was an awfully tragic thing to happen.

It never occurred to me, that this perfect man, was nothing but a lie, and an illusion, selling me a product that neither had nor owned, but that didn’t matter to him.

Each day, he faked this false life, and his false self, to be exactly what I wanted to see.

Why you really HAVEN’T lost the love of your life!!

I want you to understand that the Sociopath is an EMPTY person. They fill themselves up with the hopes, wishes and dreams of other people.  You cannot lose what you did not have!

If you don’t believe me, you only have to see them again after they have ‘moved on’ you will see that their likes, hobbies and interests have now changed to fit in with someone else. Now they are mirroring somebody else. They BECOME who the other person wants to see!! Each time they move on, they mould and shape into somebody different. Taking up new hobbies and interests. It doesn’t matter to them, if their new hobbies and interests, are what they objected to in their last relationship. As long as they are mirroring (THEREFORE DOMINATING) somebody else, and living off of their energy (and hopefully finances too) that is all that matters. If they get a roof over their head, free rent, and free everything else, well all the better. Sociopaths know that their time might come to an end at any time, so they might as well make the most of it.

You see, all that he really was, was a mirror image of me. He was mirroring MY PAIN and the MISSING part of me, selling back to me, what I wanted. With a big gleaming smile, and kind eyes, that yelled I AM TRUSTWORTHY.

He loved to tell me what a ‘GOOD’ Person he was. He loved to guage how well his performance was doing, by saying sentences such as

So, do you really love me?

Am I the love of your life?

I have never felt the way that I do about you before, you are the love of my life!

(cough – BULLSHIT)

Let’s face it, his actions were far from good. He was a compulsive pathological liar, and a thief too.

If you are feeling like this person was the love of your life, I want to ask you the question


If I am honest when I answer that question, he was offering me – me!

He did this the whole time that I knew him. In that time, he had

  • No real hobbies or interests of his own
  • No friends that I met
  • No closeness to his family – nobody that I met properly (considering the length of time that we were together)

I WAS HIS LIFESTYLE CHOICE!!! I WAS HIS HOBBY………. Just as his new victim, is his latest hobby.

There was NOTHING about him that was real. He was always a mirror image to me. Always doing what I wanted to do. When I thought about it, he complained about the same thing, with his last exe’s

  • She was controlling
  • She was psycho and mentally ruined me
  • She was violent I was scared of her
  • She cheated on me
  • She was lazy and didn’t do housework

The only good thing I heard him say was about the mother of his child who he admitted was a good mother.

I am sure that when he was in those relationships, he wasn’t saying the above to them!

Thinking that you have LOST the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE IS JUST AN ILLUSION, that is often fed by them. They will quite happily tell you

  • Nobody understands you like I do
  • You have lost the love of your life, all through your silly actions and being stubborn
  • You will never find somebody like me
  • I am going to have a great life, with all that I have learned from you
  • THANK YOU, I wish you well, have a nice life, Goodbye

Yes…. I know…. I know that it hurts like hell. After having the mirror image screened to you, for however long, the mirror that was In front of you, crashes and smashes to pieces. You feel lost. That big gaping, empty core soul wound, is now there raw, angry and unhealed.



Love, is to love without condition. It actually isn’t about how somebody else feels about you. It isn’t about what you get in return. It isn’t an investment. LOVE – love is about HOW YOU FEEL! It is what you give, not what you receive.

Maybe it is true, that you loved and gave more than you would have ever done before in your life. Why did you do that? Did you do it, because you IDENTIFIED with this person? Because you felt that CONNECTION?

Why do you think this is? You felt that connection, and identified with him, because he/she was a FRAUD and CON ARTIST!

Yes, that is what they are, con artists, fraudsters and tricksters. Empty vessels who will tell you all that you want to hear, to get exactly what they want. (they move on to do the same thing to the next person).


  • The hardest step is to forgive YOURSELF. Never mind about forgiving them, this isn’t about them, this is about you! You haven’t done anything wrong, you loved and you gave. Be grateful that you CAN love (they can’t) and you will love again


  • As painful as it is, the next step is to do no Contact. If you have things to say, maybe send an email and say goodbye then block him/her
  • Steer clear of mutual friends, for some time until you are healed and recovered, or at least got your life back on track. Likely they will try to hang out with your mutual friends, let him/her have them. I am sure that there are people In your life, that didn’t like him/her, spend time with them. These are your TRUE friends
  • Write TWO lists – in list one , write what he/she promised – or the illusion you were given, in list two write the reality and what did you gain from this?
  • Write another list of ALL of your losses, then LET IT GO
  • Know that you WILL heal and recover, but you have to do no contact. This person is not worth your time or effort, they have already stolen enough time.

You need to understand that the person that you loved, DID NOT EXIST. They CANT come back to you, as they have now morphed into someone else.

You remember believing in Santa right? How sad it was when you learned he wasn’t real? But I bet you went on to have great Christmas’s afterwards?

I am sorry that you are hurting!!!

For this, sincerely I am sorry. Did you know that heady feeling when there were good times with them, that you can experience this, just by being on your own? Were you in the Sociopaths life? Or were they just in yours? Mine was just in mine, I definitely wasn’t in his life. He didn’t have a life I wished he would get a life, but he didn’t.

Forgive yourself, and allow yourself time to heal and recover. Follow the no contact rule, and heal within. Set yourself some goals and targets to work towards, and keep busy.

I promise you the thought that the Sociopath is the love of your life, is just an illusion, it is an illusion sold by the Sociopath, and if you continue with contact they will sell you this illusion, for as long as you will buy it.

You WILL heal and recover, even if you feel you have lost everything. Believe me, if you had stayed with them you would have incurred further losses. Focus on you, and focus on your healing and recovery. Even if that means some duvet days on the sofa, watching tv, and eating icecream from a tub, or having a beer and watching football on tv, anything. Just take it SLOW, take each day one at a time.

Understand that this is addiction, caused and deliberately created by them.

Please write down ONE long term goal, and this is

Where do you want to be 18 months from now? And work towards that goal!!

You can do this, and I promise that the Sociopath is not the love of your life – unless you are a hollow empty shell too?  I bet you are not!

Love yourself, you really are worth it.

Copyright 2015