There are two key things that we need to get out of an abusive relationship. These are the two things that your abuser will remove from your life, to keep you bound to them. Additionally, it is also likely that these are the two things that you likely gave to your abuser.
Later in this article, I will explain how you can rediscover hope, and build fresh opportunities, healing and recovering you, and your life in the quickest time possible.
Hope is something that we all need. It is the spark of life that keeps us going. Without hope, we are nothing. There are fewer times in your life that you will feel that there is NO hope left, than after or while you are still with an abuser.
The sociopath will dismantle you, and your life. This is almost always done with a smile, under the guise of ‘helping you’. You probably don’t need their help, but they have already assessed you, saw what your weaknesses were and honed in on them.
The sociopath manages to take away any hope in your life. They taint, or remove any opportunities, stopping you from moving forward. Instead you constantly go around in a circle, achieving nothing in your own life. It is like living in a goldfish bowl.
What is hope?
Hope is the extracurricular things that we have in our life. Hope is that sunshine thinking for a better day. It is the part of us, that keeps us striving forward. it is the thread of life, that pushes us forward onto bigger and better things.
Sociopaths extinguish hope. They make you feel small and insignificant, while playing ‘hero’ or ‘saviour’ to your life. That strong person that you once were vanishes and within a short time, they become the strong ones, thriving off of you, and your life. You become the weak one, dependent upon them and a victim. The sociopath deliberately does this to you. It is how they take possession and control, and take hostage of you and your life.
How did that happen?
We all need hope. The reason that we feel dependent on the sociopath is because we are conditioned to believe that who we are, and our own live, and views, are worthless (this isn’t true)
The sociopath monitors and controls your every movement. Controlling you through fear, and manipulating you with false ‘love’. Your world will grow smaller. Over time you will lose your own identity, become a clone of them, and believe that you are dependent upon them for survival (this isn’t true).
Building new opportunities
To build new opportunities in our life we need the following
- A commitment to change
- A focus to fix you
- Dedication and commitment to ‘undo’ the brainwashing and mind control and take back ownership of your own life.
- Time and effort spent, loving you, and recreating your life
Sociopaths are masters of offering you
- FALSE Hope
- FALSE Opportunities
You hang onto the sociopath, hoping for things to get better. For the magical life, to come true. That day when things will just get get better, and STAY better. It never will. Life will continue to go around in a circle. Why? Because the way that their mind is, is hardwired into the brain. There will be no change, they cannot change. Any change that they make is always temporary. The pattern and cycle of abuse will always continue.
Without hope, and with the sociopath deliberately either tainting new opportunities, or blocking them altogether. You sink further down. You become more under the sociopaths control. Of course, they lead you to believe that you are not being controlled and dominated. You are led to believe that this is your idea, and that they are the ‘nice guy’. You see the narcissistic rage sometimes, but it isn’t there all of the time. By now you have sunk so low, and who is there to pick you up, and make you smile?
The sociopath of course!
The person that has helped to break you and destroy your life, is the last person that you need to turn to to help you heal!
Stepped guide to healing and recovery
Establish no contact. This will give you time to think. YES it will likely be painful, and a lonely experience in the beginning. You might initially still think that you need the sociopath to survive. This is normal, and part of you working through the brainwashing and mind control that has been done to you.
Using this method, you should be too busy and focused to allow the sociopath back into your life!
Only you can be the person to take charge of you (don’t give away your power). Only you are there to heal yourself. Equally, only you can damage you too. So, in this sense, this is step one to regaining control of your life.
Now you need to look at your life, and what changes you would like to make within your life. You will need a pen and piece of paper for this part. In this part you write two lists.
- The first list you write all the things in your life that you are unhappy with, but that you DO have the power to change.
- The second list, you write all the things that make you feel unhappy, that you DON’T have the power to change.
In step three, you work towards letting go of what you cannot change, and taking back control of what you can change.
The second list needs to be discarded. This is what you need to let go of. The first list, is important. This is where you have unhappiness, but you can change these things.
Next to each item on the first list, write a plan of how you want to make change. Make sure that your list is SMART. This article will show you how.
Moving quickly towards recovery and freedom
By completing this exercise (keep working on it, you are worth it) you are breaking down your life, and taking back your own power. You can quickly move through the healing and recovery period, by taking back control of your life.
The sociopath only has power and control over you, by removing what makes you feel powerful, by removing hope and fresh opportunities, that were already in your life.
Remember that the sociopath operates by illusion. The quickest way to recover, is to see the truth, to remove the brain washing that has occurred, and to re-establish and re-organise your own life.
You won’t have time to be chasing the sociopath, waiting for them to complete you. Or fill the empty missing part of your life. You will be too busy rebuilding your life for you. Safe with the knowledge that this time, you won’t allow someone else destroy your life.
Remember. You need two things for swift healing and recovery
- New opportunities
Working on what you can change, will empower you, and offer you hope. Working towards smart goals, will instantly give you fresh opportunities.
Once you are working towards this, believe me, you won’t want the person who once took it all away from you, anywhere near you, to dismantle you again.
Without hope or fresh opportunities, you will either continue to see the sociopath as your saviour OR you will do nothing. Doing nothing won’t move your life forward, it will keep the sociopath powerful in your mind, it will keep you in victim mode.
Take back your power, take back your control, take back your own life. See the beauty of you. You have to know what you want. You need to stop wasting time and energy on what you cannot change, instead focusing your energy on what you can change.
You can do this, and you can heal and recover in the quickest time possible. It WAS all an illusion and a mind trick – the fastest way to undo a mind trick illusion, is to work on your mind – It works!!
My own life changes, healing and recovery
I decided that I had had enough, that i didn’t want to go around in the crazy cycle anymore. I made the decision that I needed to change my life.
Step one was leaving the relationship
Step two was spending a good few weeks, undoing the mind control (this was tougher than I realised) I had no idea how brainwashed I had became, until I left. For weeks my thoughts, were confused.
Step three was becoming focused, and focusing on what i could change, and letting go of what i couldn’t
Step four was gaining a new job (I start next week)
Step five – is the rest of my life :)
See the truth, set yourself free.
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