When NO Contact is proving impossible!
Note: The following is not advisable if you have children with the sociopath, or if the sociopath is violent. Never place yourself at risk.
Most sites advise that the best way to get revenge on a sociopath is to have no further contact with them.
For some people, establishing no contact does not work. Maybe you have to have contact. Or, the stalking/harassment/smear campaigns and threats have become so serious, that you are desperate for it to stop, and to avoid further damage to your life.
A sociopath is determined, and for some people no contact is impossible to achieve, and simply causes further distress, and further damage to your life. A sociopath hates to lose control more than anything. You asserting No Contact, whilst in the long term is really the best and most healthy way to move on, you might find that keeping to no contact, simply escalates things further.
My experience, when trying to establish no contact was this
- Attempts to contact with me increased
- Would show up at my home
- Would threaten to speak to my work
- Malicious emails to people close to me, or important to me, to discredit me
- Threats to report me to x y z
- Bombardment to install fear
I went through this many times over. And it was draining, and at the time frightening. I would know that whenever I started No Contact, the calls and texts would escalate. As that was happening, I would know that he would show up at my house.
I grew used to this pattern, and would call police prior to his arrival. Despite this, he would still be outside of my house, yelling through the letter box, standing in my back garden yelling in the garden.
I had complaints from my neighbours, and lived in constant fear of what he would do next. How did I cope with this?
Ultimately, he might have gone away. But damage to my life was continuing. So, I had to think of another way.
I realised that his motive was ‘control’ and his fear was
- Losing control
I therefore had to change my own tact to deal with him. Remember that the sociopath only manages to control you through
- Establishing fear
- Knowledge that he has gained about you in assessment
- Preying on any weaknesses that you may have
So, to be successful, and to be such a pain to them, that they either move on, or behave themselves towards you, you need to reverse these things.
- Show that you are not scared of them – there is no fear – there is no control
- Feed him false knowledge
- Additionally feed false knowledge about weaknesses
When a sociopath loses knowledge, he loses control. You win.
To get even with a sociopath, you need to treat him EXACTLY the same way that he treats you. I promise you that he won’t particularly like it. I also understand that for someone who has been emotionally, mentally, damaged and scarred by a sociopath, this might not be such a good idea. You do need to be strong. It is also not advisable for those involved with someone who is violent. But it works! I want you to remember that you have SURVIVED this, and you can make the aftermath both better and more tailored to your liking.
And so you do the following:
- Give false information. Don’t tell him the truth. Make up where you have been, and where you are going (if he doesn’t know what you are doing, he cannot control you)
- Tell out and out lies
- Derail him, by saying one thing, and then changing and saying something else.
- Whatever you say to him, make sure it is not the truth, and constantly change your mind
- BE NICE
- BE CHARMING
- Say words that he wants to hear
- If he threatens you (to call work, email people) do the same back
- Lure him into a false sense of security
- Be CALM
- The most important thing is MIRROR him, whatever he does, you do (but keep it within the law), let him know you are recording phone conversations…..
- Be prepared to lose ‘friends’ who are not really friends. A real friend wouldn’t leave your side no matter what happens or what is said.
- Lose your FEAR — he is controlling you through FEAR….. so (even if you are still scared) show you are no longer scared or intimidated by him – this is really important. Fake it if you have to. DO NOT SHOW FEAR EVER
I know that for most people, it can be difficult to act fake, as we are programmed as human beings to be kind, caring, to care about others welfare.
But remember that this is exactly what the sociopath has done to you. What you have to do is take away – remove his control over you.
He can only control what he knows.
- Mirror him
- Tell him what he wants to hear – then do the opposite (in actions)
- Lie to him
- Derail him by feeding false information
- Be as ridiculous as you like – go to town!!
When you are doing it, it will be an enlightening (and therefore healing) process to do. You take back YOUR control over YOU. And you remove his control OVER YOU.
It is important that he is not aware what you are doing. Always try to be one step ahead of the game. Play the game, if this is what he wants to do.
I can guarantee that it will work. You won’t, and can’t change him. But you CAN change YOU.
YOU can empower YOU.
You can take control of YOUR life. To do this, you need to stop telling him the truth. A sociopath can only control you, ruin you, if you allow him to.
The outcome should be that he will find you way too much hard work. He also will not suspect what you are doing either. As he relies on the fact that you are honest, so be dishonest (with him). Play him at his own game, and he will soon get tired. He will realise that you are about to damage him.
You will smile as he threatens to tell people, things that have absolutely no bearing on truth. And as it is different to the reality he can do no further damage.
It won’t take back what he has done to you, but it will help you to get even and to teach him that you are not a weak person. Additionally, you will see, by doing this to him, how little respect he had for you, and how he never at any time felt for your needs, or your welfare, it was all about him, and what he could gain from you.
Take back your power. Sometimes No Contact (especially in initial stages) does not work. Simply as he won’t give up and will make your life hell. You have been through enough. Why should you go through more, why should more damage be done to your life?
Start making the changes NOW :)