Sociopath – how to get even with one

When NO Contact is proving impossible!

Note: The following is not advisable if you have children with the sociopath, or if the sociopath is violent. Never place yourself at risk. 

prevention

Most sites advise that the best way to get revenge on a sociopath is to have no further contact with them.

For some people, establishing no contact does not work. Maybe you have to have contact. Or, the stalking/harassment/smear campaigns and threats have become so serious, that you are desperate for it to stop, and to avoid further damage to your life.

A sociopath is determined, and for some people no contact is impossible to achieve, and simply causes further distress, and further damage to your life. A sociopath hates to lose control more than anything. You asserting No Contact, whilst in the long term is really the best and most healthy way to move on, you might find that keeping to no contact, simply escalates things further.

My experience, when trying to establish no contact was this

  1. Attempts to contact with me increased
  2. Would show up at my home
  3. Would threaten to speak to my work
  4. Malicious emails to people close to me, or important to me, to discredit me
  5. Threats to report me to x y z
  6. Bombardment to install fear

I went through this many times over. And it was draining, and at the time frightening. I would know that whenever I started No Contact, the calls and texts would escalate. As that was happening, I would know that he would show up at my house.

I grew used to this pattern, and would call police prior to his arrival. Despite this, he would still be outside of my house, yelling through the letter box, standing in my back garden yelling in the garden.

I had complaints from my neighbours, and lived in constant fear of what he would do next. How did I cope with this?

Ultimately, he might have gone away. But damage to my life was continuing. So, I had to think of another way.

I realised that his motive was ‘control’ and his fear was

  • Losing control
  • Exposure

I therefore had to change my own tact to deal with him. Remember that the sociopath only manages to control you through

  • Establishing fear
  • Knowledge that he has gained about you in assessment
  • Preying on any weaknesses that you may have

So, to be successful, and to be such a pain to them, that they either move on, or behave themselves towards you, you need to reverse these things.

  • Show that you are not scared of them – there is no fear – there is no control
  • Feed him false knowledge
  • Additionally feed false knowledge about weaknesses

When a sociopath loses knowledge, he loses control. You win.

To get even with a sociopath, you need to treat him EXACTLY the same way that he treats you. I promise you that he won’t particularly like it. I also understand that for someone who has been emotionally, mentally, damaged and scarred by a sociopath, this might not be such a good idea. You do need to be strong. It is also not advisable for those involved with someone who is violent. But it works! I want you to remember that you have SURVIVED this, and you can make the aftermath both better and more tailored to your liking.

And so you do the following:

  1. Give false information. Don’t tell him the truth. Make up where you have been, and where you are going (if he doesn’t know what you are doing, he cannot control you)
  2. Tell out and out lies
  3. Derail him, by saying one thing, and then changing and saying something else.
  4. Whatever you say to him, make sure it is not the truth, and constantly change your mind
  5. BE NICE
  6. BE CHARMING
  7. Say words that he wants to hear
  8. If he threatens you (to call work, email people) do the same back
  9. Lure him into a false sense of security
  10. Be CALM
  11. SMILE
  12. The most important thing is MIRROR him, whatever he does, you do (but keep it within the law), let him know you are recording phone conversations…..
  13. Be prepared to lose ‘friends’ who are not really friends. A real friend wouldn’t leave your side no matter what happens or what is said.
  14. Lose your FEAR — he is controlling you through FEAR….. so (even if you are still scared) show you are no longer scared or intimidated by him – this is really important. Fake it if you have to. DO NOT SHOW FEAR EVER

I know that for most people, it can be difficult to act fake, as we are programmed as human beings to be kind, caring, to care about others welfare.

But remember that this is exactly what the sociopath has done to you. What you have to do is take away – remove his control over you.

He can only control what he knows.

  • Mirror him
  • Tell him what he wants to hear – then do the opposite (in actions)
  • Lie to him
  • Derail him by feeding false information
  • Be as ridiculous as you like – go to town!!

When you are doing it, it will be an enlightening (and therefore healing) process to do. You take back YOUR control over YOU. And you remove his control OVER YOU.

It is important that he is not aware what you are doing. Always try to be one step ahead of the game. Play the game, if this is what he wants to do.

I can guarantee that it will work. You won’t, and can’t change him. But you CAN change YOU.

YOU can empower YOU.

You can take control of YOUR life. To do this, you need to stop telling him the truth. A sociopath can only control you, ruin you, if you allow him to.

The outcome should be that he will find you way too much hard work. He also will not suspect what you are doing either. As he relies on the fact that you are honest, so be dishonest (with him). Play him at his own game, and he will soon get tired. He will realise that you are about to damage him.

You will smile as he threatens to tell people, things that have absolutely no bearing on truth. And as it is different to the reality he can do no further damage.

It won’t take back what he has done to you, but it will help you to get even and to teach him that you are not a weak person. Additionally, you will see, by doing this to him, how little respect he had for you, and how he never at any time felt for your needs, or your welfare, it was all about him, and what he could gain from you.

Take back your power. Sometimes No Contact (especially in initial stages) does not work. Simply as he won’t give up and will make your life hell. You have been through enough. Why should you go through more, why should more damage be done to your life?

Start making the changes NOW  :)

UPDATE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yY-jVezPZfs

178 thoughts on “Sociopath – how to get even with one”

  1. I love the idea if this method I thought only option was to take the abuse and not react to create shock that u stopped reacting but it’s damaging me a lot. My only question is when he starts to realised story’s don’t add up eg I say I’m doing something and later he says I though you said that you where doing something else, how do I react to that ? Do I say oh something came up or do I say big deal like he would

    My situation is hard his a policeman a threats to distroy my world we have a 6 month old baby together and it’s really hard I moved out on my own and one Minuit thigd seem normal and all it takes is me to say or do one thing that’s not what he wants and the was starts like you wouldn’t believe

    I need to stop letting him do this

  2. Whoops LET ME TRY AGAIN WITH CORRECTING AUTO CORRECT and fixing poor spelling.

    I love the idea if this method. I thought only option was to take the abuse and not react to create him to feel shock that I have stopped reacting.
    but this method is damaging me a lot.

    My only question is when he starts to realised story’s don’t add up eg I say I’m doing something and later he says I though you said that you where doing something else, how do I react to that ? Do I say oh something came up or do I say big deal like he would?

    His playing me really well he will create a fight and take bad things that I have said to his family and point me out to be this monster meanwhile leaving out what drove me to the point of reacting that way.

    My situation is hard his a policeman a threats to distroy my world we have a 6 month old baby together( I know you said this isn’t recommend with children but i think taking done of this on board would still be more effective and helpful to my well being then taking his crap. it’s been really hard to say the least.

    I have recently moved out on my own after a long battle. he flipped out of control as you would imagine. you I was living in the house we use to share however he had already moved out back home to give us space but I still wasn’t aloud to leave that house. anyway after he got use to the idea I was oh my own house and one Minuit things seem normal and then all it takes is me to say or do one thing that’s not what he wants and the war starts like you wouldn’t believe.

    I need to stop letting him do this his threatening me so much and I feel like I can’t fight back with the law because I don’t want to be the reason he lost his job and get further punishment.

    1. Hi Lee and welcome. I have heard from so many victims who are with sociopaths who are also police officers. Awful. I think all sociopaths can threaten to use the law against you. As it’s a form of control I can see how a police officer could go one further. I would try no matter how hard it is to display no emotion at all. He cannot manipulate or control what he cannot see. Also keep a diary and record everything.

  3. I’m going to attempt this.
    I’m hoping to start with feeding him false information. Then I plan to slowly destruct him by casually pointing out his weaknesses. I’ll tell him that he is lost without me

  4. This site is great.

    I am actually a bloke, but I ended up getting completely messed up by this woman, who now I realise is a complete sociopath.

    I went through feelings of confusion and upset and realised she came into my life at a time when I was feeling depressed and low, struggling to cope with the death of family member.

    In the end I was working stuff out and I basically exposed her for what she is, well shit hit the fan over that and she now seems to be gone (which now makes sense, as a made use of the Sociopaths weakness, losing control and being exposed.)

    But after I still blamed myself for everything and was still letting her control me and still trying to work out how she could feel no remorse for using me, isolating me and wasting my life.

    Now I’ve read all this about sociopaths and it all clicks into place, its not a few traits, its like every single one she matches up too, the archetype of a Sociopath and user!

    This is helping me deal with it, as I now realise I am not to blame.

  5. My wife of 14 yrs left me in May (7mos ago). The day of my back injury at work. We made it to one street over from where I told her 10 yrs ago I wanted to retire. 7 months after she’s gone I live in a friends back room, I cry every day missing her and still can’t understand how she can just dismiss our 14 years as if it never happened. I remember the day I told her “no”, I even told her so before I knew about Sp/narc. She laughed, came back to me for a weekend for the great sex we always had. Told me that she’d had the best Orgasm she’d ever had with me that weekend meanwhile setting my back injury weeks back in recovery. Yes she knew what she was doing and I didn’t, not until now. Now my tears are half for her and half for me being such a fool. I have nothing now. No job, no house, no wife, no music studio. At 52 it will be tough to start again, especially knowing what I know. Meanwhile She at 57 sits at her daughters just built mansion on a mountain with a wrap around porch like she always wanted, veggies home grown on 8 acres protected from me, the husband that abused her and took all her money. I just can’t believe any person could live with another (and I truly adored her, still do) and just drop them out of their life like a piece of trash. Her daughter is slowly finding out the truth, through other sources but realizes there is no home to go back to and me, I’m in pieces. I can’t even admit I’ve lost her, but I have. She made me look the fool. The one bit of proof I have, video documentation of our lovemaking. Evident I the transaction from love sharing to dominitrix, me the ever serving Virgo, her the Taurus sociopath. Documented

    1. Hi Kim,

      I am sorry to read that you are hurting so bad, and almost tormenting yourself with thoughts of your wife, and how she has hurt you, focusing on what she has, and what you have not.

      Would it be hard to try to bring back the focus to you? To do things that make you happy?

      Looking at what she is doing, is only going to hurt you. I know that she has abandoned you, there is no reason why you cannot rebuild your life. You assume that she is having an amazing time, but you don’t know that.

  6. I am a highly functional sociopath, but I would consider myself a “Spock” personality, in that I do lack certain emotions, but my intents are never malicious and I enjoy it when people care for me, and I feel upset when I make someone else feel upset, so that is as close to empathy as I can get. I can tell you that we use more than fear to control people. Personally I use happiness to control people, but usually almost every time my relationships are a win win type of situation, so I never usually burn bridges or hurt people. I will agree that I do like to know everything about everyone, and feeding me false information would fuck me up lol. Just don’t assume that all sociopaths are bad people, although I would say 9/10 of us have malicious intents so be careful. Due to the fact that they leave us all a bad name, I will probably never come out as a sociopath and will just live my life the way I have been living it. :)

  7. Hi positivagirl. I am so happy that I found your blog. I love reading your articles and especially the comments from other readers. It gives me comfort that I’m not alone. But I am still angry and I want some payback.

    I commented on another one of your articles about online dating and sociopaths. That’s where I met mine. Long story short, she cleaned out my house and bank account all in one day. Police said no crime was committed because we lived together. Sucks, but I think you can get even with a sociopath. It depends on two things: patience and anonymity.

    Before I start, I’m not a revengeful person by nature. I’ve been dumped by women, fired from jobs, etc. but I got over it. In this situation, many of my friends and family have said “She dumped you. Move on.” If she had just grabbed her stuff and left, okay. But she stole from me. It wasn’t just a bad breakup, she’s a criminal. I dug into her past. I am not the only one she’s done this to. I found a guy from 2004. Same story. She does this as a career. So when I hear comments like “the best revenge is living well” I call bullshit. That might work on a person with feelings, but a sociopath has none.

    So my plan is this. Patience. It has been 8 months since I’ve seen her. I plan on waiting until it has been a full year to start getting even. Once I start, then I must remain in the shadows. Anonymous. From what I’ve discovered, she changes guys about every 2-3 months. When I start she would have forgotten about me and not realize which recent man is creating havoc in her world. Someday, maybe 5 or 10 years from now after the statute of limitations past, I’ll let her know.

    I know what you’re thinking because I think the same thing. I am Captain Ahab and she is my great whale. I’m obsessed. I do not deny it. Fortunately, I read your blog. It’s helping but I’m still hurt.

    1. Hi jay, i know it hurts. Similar happened to me he emptied my bank too. I only knew when i went to the shop and had no money in my account. I had no food nothing. It isnt just what she has done it is also the betrayal that burns. Like being stabbed in the heart and back at the same time.

      If you put betrayal in the search at the top, i read an old post about this today. It is hard to accept you gave everything to someone who was so empty inside.

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