A guide for healing and recovery
When the truth comes to light of the crazy life that you have been living with a sociopath, when the lying, cheating, betrayal, deception comes out, you are left feeling massively confused and so very hurt, it is the ultimate betrayal.
The person that you loved, that you shared everything with has used you, for what they could get. No doubt at the end, there will be endless:
- Strives for contact – abusive emails and abusive texts
- Attempts at personal contact
- Lies told about you and smear campaigns against you
- Hacks into your privacy like emails and social networking sites
Your head is already reeling from everything that you have been through. Additionally, there is now intense ‘punishment‘ for establishing no contact. For ignoring them, and trying to get on with your life.
This isn’t easy. This is no normal break up. This time you are breaking up with someone who has lied to you, betrayed, and used you. You may be in debt, you might have lost your job, or even lost your home. You have probably isolated yourself from people who were close to you, or maybe they gave up and walked away.
Picking up the pieces of your life when this has happened, can be difficult. You would think, by the behaviour of the sociopath, that they would be glad to get rid of you? After all, they have treated you so badly. The point is, that they treat you this way because they can. So why will they now not go away?
When you have been controlled, manipulated, and abused in this way for a considerable time, when what you thought was real, actually isn’t real. Nothing you thought was true, actually was. When you were used as supply simply for someone else’s entertainment, you can be left in a fog and feeling massively confused.
Because of this, you need a plan to recover. You have been so used to being controlled, that spending time on you, and your recovery, is the best investment that you can do right now.
- Establish No Contact and stick to it
- Focus on you
- Try to catch up with old friends that you were isolated from
- Remove everything related to your ex, put them in a box, and put them away, photos, keepsakes, letters, cards. Anything at all. Put it away out of sight.
- Stay away from things that remind you of your ex, do not sit moping, listening to music that reminds you of him, or anything else, sat in memory of him. Get up, get out, and do something.
- Take one day at a time
- Read as much as you can, and reach out to others who have been/are going through same thing
- Try to do one thing every day that will make you smile. Put a post it note up to remind you
- Stick with the present, today, don’t let your mind wander back to what has happened, focus on right now, it is all that you have control over
- Do NOT contact your ex, or respond to empty promises from him – block him
- Write a list of EVERYTHING you have in your life that you are grateful for
- Write a list of all the reasons that you are better off without him
- Write a list of what you want to attract into your life – focus (it could be anything)
- Keep a diary so that you can track your recovery. Writing is therapeutic
- Make sure that you eat properly, and get enough sleep
- Treat yourself, and love yourself, like you would a best friend who is low, down and needs support
- Try not to focus on the past. Stay with the present. Do not focus on being a victim. Focus on being a survivor, and how you can use this experience to your benefit. Look FORWARDS not BACKWARDS
- Do NOT be afraid of being alone, learn to value your own company, for now. Focus on healing and loving yourself.
Take it one day at a time, and try not to panic (if you have lost your job, your home, friends, your finances, or all of this) DON’T panic!
Find someone you can trust. If you cannot trust anyone because of what has happened. Then go easy on yourself and treat yourself like your own best friend!!! – even this is therapeutic
You WILL recover from this. It is important not to throw yourself into another relationship before you are healed, as you risk meeting another one. Focus on you. And most importantly, learn to love you. Focus all of your love on you, because you are special. You are worth it, and YOU deserve YOUR time!!
If you are reading this, and you have recovered, is there anything else that you can think of which is good for recovery? Please add your comments, anon comments are welcome!! :)
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