Sociopaths love to make you jealous….

You should feel flattered when the sociopath goes to great lengths to deliberately make you feel jealous.

Jealousy_by_7Roses1BrokenHeart

I know, in rational thought, you should be happy that he/she is gone from your life. Hurray, they have a new source for supply.

But deep down, there is this sinking feeling. A feeling where you wonder why is he now being the great guy? Why is it that he is now getting his life together?   Why couldn’t he be like this with me?

You will notice that the sociopath, once discovered for who he really is, will not leave quietly, but will often do all that he  can to make you jealous.

He loves to tell you, or to drop subtle hints, so that you discover what he is now doing with his life (often this will be after a few days total silence)

  • How he has met someone new
  • How great and fantastic this is
  • How he is now successful
  • How he is now doing EVERYTHING that you wanted him to do when he was with you

You should remember that the sociopath is the master of illusion. Whilst he was manipulating and deceiving you when he was with you, he will continue to do this to you until he finally finds a new source for supply and discards you altogether (he wouldn’t want you around ruining his new perfect image).

It might hurt that he has moved onto someone else (and so swiftly), and you might tell yourself, ‘why is it that i got all the crap, and the next person gets the good guy?’ or ‘why did he live off me financially and now he is supporting himself?’

Do NOT fall into this trap of thinking, for this is all that it is, a trap.

If you are thinking this way the sociopath still has power over you, and control over you. He will do and say all that he can to get a reaction from you.

  • Remember he is a magician, a master of illusion
  • Remember that he is a compulsive pathological liar
  • Remember that he mirrors back to you, what you wanted

When all else fails, the next manipulation tool for the sociopath is to try to make you feel jealous. This will make the sociopath feel better, because he loves two things

  • To win
  • To be in control

You might think, but we are not together anymore, why would he do this? A sociopath will never fully let go of a potential form of supply, if there is a chance that he could milk one last drop of supply from you.

If you start to feel jealous. Stop – think!!! What are you actually feeling jealous of?

  • Illusion
  • Lies
  • Deception

You are being manipulated again. Someone who is right for you will not make you feel this way. Will not play games with you. Will have more respect for you than to lie to you, and would never lead you on, or lead you into a false sense of security. Someone who is not a sociopath, will respect you, your welfare, your life and your needs. A sociopath thinks only of himself. If he is trying to make you jealous, it means only one thing, that you are moving forward and he wants to show you, how jealous he is of this. His attempts to make you jealous, show only one thing – how jealous he is of YOU!.

Copyright © datingasociopath.com 2013

About these ads

53 thoughts on “Sociopaths love to make you jealous….”

  1. My ex went through great lengths to tell me how well he was doing. He commented on another blog I author, telling me I’m losing my “mojo” as a writer and he has big things planned. I have not lost anything, and his big plans include running for mayor of his hometown.

    I didn’t respond, I would negate my restraining order if I did, but it would give me no greater pleasure than to watch him embarrass himself running for public office. I hope he wins.

    1. :) they certainly do have high hopes…..

      You are a fantastic writer. I keep reading back on your blog to see if you have written some more. He is probably just jealous of a skill that you have that he hasn’t got. Trying to minimise it and invalidate it.

      Being Mayor is a big step…. wow…. he is still on your case then? …. and following you over the net :( I hate how they feel they can do whatever they like and get away with it. Hope you are doing ok? apart from this?

      1. His ego is only usurped by his lack of intellect. He’s not making his stalking obvious, which makes me nervous. I’m hoping this is because he’s left the area…but I have a feeling this is not the case.

        I’m doing ok, your blog is still giving me many “ah ha” moments. It’s certainly helping me make sense of all the insanity. Thank you.

      2. You are welcome!! Knowledge is power :)

        I always hated that ‘lull’ it was like the calm before the storm, and it always made me nervous too. They rarely give up as they hate losing control.

    2. I saw the next victim. He set up a scene for me to found out he met a woman 20 years younger who claims to be pregnant with his baby. Yet, he left her one night to come with me for three days. Once I had enough, I started no contact. It’s been 4 days since I’ve heard or seen him. Wow! What an asshole.

    3. My ex is doing this now. We split in 2012 after 6 years because of abuse and then he called cps and told lies that resulted in me fighting for my 3 boys. We started seeing each other again in November off and on. In February I found out that he was seeing a new woman through facebook since December. We were together on Jan afterwards he tells me hes engaged. February 8th he married her. Was with me on the 17th then cried b/c he felt guilty. That its different with her, shes so sweet,and she really loves him.Our son is Autistic so when I ask him to take him to therapy he says Im with my wife, never saying her name, always saying his wife. Wjen I say im moving on he says im a mother and should wait for love and nit seek a man for identity… Im angry because I got bulkshit and wasted 6 years out of my life while after 60 days shes married and hes happy and im severely depressed wondering if I was wrong to walk away.

      1. Hi Gloria, welcome to the site :)

        You say that he calls her ‘his wife’

        This for two reasons

        1. To wind you up
        2. Because he sees her as a possession, something that he owns, she doesn’t have a name when he is talking to you, this isn’t important.

        As for the

        a)Its different with her
        b) She is so nice and so sweet

        This is bullshit and designed to BLAME you… SHAME you, and make you feel bad. After all it has to be your fault, right? HE is doing well and is now married and happy?

        Rubbish…. he has simply put on a new mask of deception. She is being nice as he hasn’t yet destroyed her or played with her mind like he did with you…. not because she is better than you.

        When he says to you ‘his wife’, this is said deliberately to you. Listen to his words. They always give themselves away. To the sociopath life is just the game…. people are just players in the game… and she is the new player.

        I know it is hard not to react. It isn’t you… it isn’t that you are worthless and he has found better elsewhere, this is just what he does to make you feel bad and himself feel better and the winner.

        Remember that they love two things

        Being in Control
        Winning

        So right now he thinks he is the king of the castle… remember the reality – she has no prize. Just as he turned your world upside down, he will also turn hers, its not a case of if, but when…

  2. He hasn’t done this yet. He is still trying to get me back. I will remember this when he does. I’m sure it will crush me…but I will remember.

      1. I am walking away. There really isn’t any other choice. Sucks, but it is how it really is.

  3. This is a really terrific blog explaining how a sociopath operates. It is really pathetic that they would waste so much time trying to make you jealous and fill you with regret, when in fact as long as you are living well and not affected by all the sociopath has done to you or is trying to do to you, that’s like daggers going through their minds everyday! It’s mental torture for them when you ignore them. When you tell them things like “oops! I forgot all about you! how have you been?”, they go ballistic lol. Great read here :-)

  4. I think when someone leaves initially, because of the deception, there is a lot of processing that needs to be done before someone can get to the final part of healing, acceptance.

    Yes they do hate to be ignored…. they hate rejection, as they hate losing control. It is like being around a child having a meltdown when you see them going ballistic :) Sociopath meltdown….. anything can happen during that time!

    1. Hating to be ignored confuses me as my P tells me to stay away. I figure in the beginning before the letting go and the begging and crying is going on at my end he tells me to go away for what? To hear himself speak? He acts like if I left nd ignored him the his life will be perfect. So after my episode of interrupting his little date last night and seeing the trashy way he wants to live I have let go. So ignore him I shall and it prob won’t bother him a bit. Darn.

  5. I dated a guy for nine years who moved on, got engaged and eventually married within a year. Never even told me he moved on, but let me find out on Facebook with pictures of them kissing posted. After he got married his wife tried to make me jealous by texting me on Thanksgiving. Then, since I am college educated and have a professional job, he tells everyone he married a talented ER surgical nurse. Meanwhile, wifey-poo is merely a surgical tech. No judgment because that’s a good job, but come on. Why the need to lie to try to impress people. SMH!!!

    1. I think it is about their ego, and their need to ‘win’ to feel that they have the upper hand, and that they have control. its stupid and mind games… but…. well at least you got rid of him and moved on!!! :)

  6. HooooooooooooooLeeeeeeeeeeeeee Shit! This is my Ex. He has moved on, met someone knew and she is “wonderful”, “special” “you don’t understand, it is different with her.” “She reminds me of my mother” “She is the sweetest.”

    What you wrote above describes my Ex and my reaction to his news. I mean, why is he hell bent on hurting me when he was the one who wanted out? Why did he rub in my face the fact that he has met someone and is “in love”. Why would he care to continue hurting me?

    Now I understand.

    I am going to print this post as a reminder.

    1. I am too for animals liberation..as I said on my comm all I wanted was a animals lover kind real person…..we are all for animals liberation and caring..and we get horrible mean liars as lovers ..go figure..
      I got told how this one is great lover..in posts on yt..where she has no friends..pathetic people they are..we got to laugh at them..they are sick and empty inside… ..animals are the best thing!
      Best luck you are now liberated! =)

    2. Animal girl why would he want someone who reminds him of his mother? That’s just sick!! Almost incestuous if u think about it.

  7. Thank you… I have to admit that this is like my guide too, often when I am hurting, I come here as a reader, and read back, and you know the pattern is always exactly the same!! (same person) it is tough and what they do ;(

  8. Hello, I replied to a comment earlier without even introducing myself. I chose the name lost puppy because I thought it would be the only comment I left here, the dog analogy hit me like a ton of bricks. I have visited many sites and read many blogs, your blog is the most connected I have felt in my isolated world. I seem to be struggling, going back and forth between is he the N Spath or am I. Then I find myself crying and remember when I asked him (on repeated occasions) to explain his apologies for cheating repeatedly, going to strip clubs while “working” on us, for calling me horrible names only to call me them again soon after the apologies, for making and calling me crazy/insane/psycho when I accused him of the “truth”, for giving me access to accounts/passwords only to enable/disable as punishment for asking the very thing I’m talking about here now, to explain his apologies, “with feeling, honest emotion”. The silence, followed by the words, “I got Nothing” so matter of fact, is the constant I hold on to. The anger/rage, twisting, deflecting and blaming if I pushed for more. This is the mild stuff I endured because I let him back in while I was still making excuses and actually trying to figure out how to better deal with someone who has ADHD and I must be Bipolar like he says. All this ‘trying to fix’ myself led me to the truth. The worst of it all came after my Mom 10-2012 and my cousin 02-2013, who is a brother to me, suddenly passed away. How could someone be so cold and intentionally cruel? My defenses were down and I couldn’t hide from the truth. I watched the mask not just slip but fall right off. The devil showed his horns, to not just me but my children. My life has been threatened, I believe he messed with mine and my daughters cars with intent to harm. It has been and still is a scary ride.

    Sorry so long, though I imagine you all know that is just a tiny bit of my story. Our story.

    First, I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul. To not feel crazy, is freedom.

    Second and most importantly, Reading all of the above, I realized for the first time in 9 yrs that I was his, “look at the woman I am with” to make the other jealous. The hold he had to stay in her life was a son, that he obviously had no real emotions for. And that FAKE LAUGH! Oh, how I hated it! As though he was enjoying him when he thought someone was watching. I was the mirror to make her jealous. That is why he kept me for so long and grew distant, increasing the manipulations between his family and I after she “convinced” him to sign over his rights. I thought she was cold and calculating as a person. I saw what he wanted me to see. She knew the truth.

    1. Hey I SO needed to read your story right now!! Thank you for sharing. I have just written my story of him – (well as you know – briefly) on my share a story link.

      I know how it feels to feel so alone after the damage that they do to your life. He has done final discard again, but even though – how bad he has treated me, I still feel this massive void. I even struggled to tell my story. I felt embarrassed and ashamed. A lot of this blog was written when he was still in my life, exactly as it was happening. Am just trying to get it into a book.

      I do know how it feels being treated like that when someone has died. My daughter died one year my grandmother (who was like my mother) the next. So much has happened, that even explaining it, i feel ashamed or that I am crazy. It has smashed my life to pieces. I will put your story on my story page, as what you write will help someone else – are you in USA?

  9. It took me 1 1/2 years to realize what I was dealing with and then I spent a solid year reading, reading, reading and more reading. Last week I was ignored for no reason at all and then told what a bad person and friend I have been. He was losing control and he knew it. He ended his ranting with the old “I’ll give you one more chance” routine. “Come and see me and we can work this out”. Yeah Right. So instead of defending myself I threw myself under the bus. I agreed with him that I sucked and I was a horrible person and how selfish of me to put my needs before his and I acted as if I was so upset and so sorry for not being there for him…blah blah blah….and then I said that I wasn’t good enough for him and he deserved more. (he deserved more alright..lol) I told him that I didn’t deserve to be in his life, that he was amazing and I was not. I told him that he would be better of without me. He ended our conversation and I haven’t heard from him since . I wanted to him to think he won. I don’t care if that’s what he thinks. Let him win. Win it all. Just stay away from me.

    1. :) Brilliant Michelle!! I expect he went off with his narcissistic ego intact. Which is all that counts. Knowing that you are not going to expose him, he can move on and leave you alone!! :) Well done you!

  10. I am amazed! You described my ex gf down to all she is doing ..wow ..3 years I waisted on her ..she was seemed to be all I never had found.. ..but all she had was looks..very cute not the prettiest I have dated..but very cute.. and the bad part is..she thought she was so cute! Or did she? For her everything was make up..magazines fashion…looks.. I got my looks..but who cares ..all I wanted was a person who share my love of wild life ..nature..care for animals.. ..etc A kind sweet loving companion to share the simple things in life.. she acted to be all that.. even became vegetarian like me… time passed she was controlling ..jealous..she owned me ..she thought, she did.. she played games.. I was only hers..the love of her life..don”t look at other girls” you are mine ” my life” I’m crazy for you” ah you get hook on so much love you think they have! I could write pages.. So much manipulation ..lies….but god forbid if you say you don’t trust..or this could be a lie! How can you distrust me! ” There was the days of abuse..she knew how to hurt like no one! they know all your pain and they use it against you! To make short ..I left her many times and she came back after me..never let me go..and I felt sorry she had no mom ..a bad father….god knows what is real or lies … point is 4 months ago I left for good..and never looked back… I blocked her..I left her in a nice way ( I knew she is nuts she hacked my msn once.)” I will love you but this does not work” she acted like ok I don’t want this anymore too.. .she has a youtube she does not use .. has no friends, .out of my stupid curiosity, I entered just to find many comments. she knew I might look..stupid me! :( when she was with me she had nothing, could not get a better job she said no qualification blah blah always a poor thing… on the comm she found the best job! wow with no qualification a add company? ah maybe serving coffee =D But she had no money lived with family and now even a new apt all for herself! she posted all that ..I gave no reaction, then she was the happiest person finally she was complete! I gave no reaction, she would post more and more, then she was sure this new town was the place she was to have kids! ( she never wanted any) then I gave no reaction..On distant past i use to post something on my yt..) no more..nothing.
    so she added make up video for a first date! Ok I knew it..new love ! Next day she posted about the “making love with another ” was hard to read..I care for this monster.. then I did not go back..but i failed today and entered after a week and there she posted this talk as if she was talking to him..you enter my heart so fast! you make my dark days light up with your dark eyes looking at me.. ..and more love crap..in 3 days from sex on the first date..she found love.. lies or bull well ..good riddance..your site helped me! Thanks

  11. Its finally fun to watch him go through psychological changes for a change. These hollow people are the wordt people on the planet. But there is a God and one day they will be held ACCOUTABLE for their actions…

      1. Oh thats so true positiveegirl, I used to tell him on judgement day I hope Im right behind you, and he would give me this chuckle but it soynded like an evil chuckle. The devil in disguise, a wolf in sheeps clothing. Peace….

  12. Okay, you could consider that I have multiple personalities, all very well hidden and seamlessly sewn together in a way that makes me seem almost normal. One of them is extremely sociopathic, bordering on psychopathic. I will admit that I have done stuff like this, but only a couple of times. I like to focus my hatred on people who genuinely disturb the world I have created around myself. But, one thing you must understand is that a true sociopath doesn’t care, and never will care about you. We couldn’t care less if you’re jealous, happy, sad, alive, or dead. The only thing we want to do is make you suffer, and make those you care about suffer. We will stalk you until we find you, and if we find you, there’s no telling what we’ll do. If we are unable to find you through any conventional means, many of us have learned to utilize unconventional methods. Some of use government records, online or otherwise, some of us are skilled in hacking, some of us will even turn your friends and family against you in an effort to find you. Sometimes, we will steal your identity and put you into desperate situations, sometimes we’ll get you fired so we can laugh about it later. Others lives become putty in our hands, and when we’re bored with it, or angry at it, we’ll attempt to destroy it. So-called “morals”, “ethics”, “sympathy”, and “empathy” are foreign to us. They only get in the way. We’ll take a life, or several if we have to. If you encounter a sociopath, and wish to save your life and the lives of those around you, then do not try to reason with them, be nice to them, or fight back in any way. This will only make them angrier, and see you as weak, and they will become more determined to destroy you. My advice is to put as much distance between the two of you as possible, and end all communication.

  13. Great blog! I too after my husband died fell for a sociopath in the neighborhood. He was my soulmate and perfect. But apparently had a lot of girlfriends, and those who were just entertainment. Since I did not have money and a young widow I was filed under just entertainment value! Like the others they probably didn’t know that like me.

    Long story short he threw me under the bus, since I was just sex for him, whilst he was everything to me and I loved him. I fell into a deep depression, not understanding what happened. Now only a few months later now has a new girlfriend whom he’s going to marry.

    Ironically she has a young autistic son like one of his victims in the neighborhood, who lost everything and had to move… He has a biological autistic son which he abandoned after he was born 18 years ago who is in jail! Now you see a pattern to his predatory tendency including women who have a black lab (dog) like his. It is how he hooks you! He is not good looking but has a lot of charisma.

    Anyways, God sent me men and women in the neighborhood who knew of his reputation. God lifted the fog from my eyes. I now have a great new job, running for neighborhood board (which his services will no longer be required), having a lot of fun and talking to people.

    He’s stares at me since he no longer has control over me. Especially after he threatened me when I met one of his Ex’s and learned the truth about him. Amazing what a police report can do! The “I’m getting married and etc.”, isn’t working, particularly when he sees a big ass smile on my face. He should worry when I report him to the state inspector for working fraudulently for the board not being licensed and bonded and being paid over the max of $200. I’m got to go now I have a date. He can stare all he wants, its not going to work a second time on me : )

  14. Since we live in the same neighborhood is it possible for me to make him jealous. We won’t acknowledge each other, but he’s not treating me like the plague like he did during his smear campaign. Matter of a fact our comfort zone with each other is getting smaller when were in the same area. Sometimes times he’ll look at me. He knows I’m doing well.

    1. Mine acts jealous and looks me up too. I think it’s a control thing. He sees me as HIS OBJECT OR POSSESSION. He tells me to move on but doesn’t want me to bc he feels good w all the drama of me begging and crying over him.

      1. Yes, I too did all that when I was lost and discarded. No closure. Now I know the truth about him and it helps me see him in a different perspective. Like I said we don’t acknowledge each other, it’s been months since we exchanged words. But I get the occasional look, glare or stare as brief it is. Most of the time I don’t even glance at him… I’am still struggling over the fact I do miss the fake persona he sold me. But now I’m having fun, dating, have great new exciting friends and new good job. I didn’t roll over and die like he wanted me too when he devastated my heart! God and friends have helped me through this turmoil.

  15. I just wanted to say that had I know about this website I probably wouldnt have stayed with my ex-sociopath and narcissist for 2 1/2 years and I know I wouldn’t have stayed and endured the lies and the manipulation and the emotional and psycological abuse this sick man put me through……I almost lost my career, I failed 4 classes that I now have to pay for again and re-take in college and he almost ruined me financially…….now that I stopped paying his bills and seeing right through him and how he is he walked away from me……the last time i seen him we made very passionate love after we had not done that in a year! I waited and waited for any kind of intimacy which I know he has a fear of and he would hug me and kiss me real quick when I would leave at night but stopped having sex with me saying that he was afraid that I would get pregnant and he didnt want any more kids and he was on so much medication for his migraines and health issues that it made his libido drop…….so he stopped taking so much meds and tried to go cold turkey and low and behold for some reason it miracously came back so he texted me and said he missed me…….he wanted to make love to me so I went over his house and it lasted maybe 5 minutes……..then he said he was scared I was pregnant which we took precautions and I am not thankfully! after that he has not wanted to see me……called me a couple times to ask a stupid question and texted me about his car radio being broken and teased me that someone broke in and stole it…….I think he was doing something shady to turn it into the insurance company to get money……he is a mortician and a funeral director and runs a funeral home so he is the boss which makes him have a ” big head ” and he has a motorcycle which he has won numerous awards for thanks to me putting $5,000 chrome rims and custom paint job and chrome accesories on it yet I am never invited to go on weekend motorcycle trips with him……..he told his mom I am the heaviest girl he ever dated and yet when I first met him ( we met on POF of which he came on to me!) he said I am beautiful and have the biggest heart of anyone he has ever known, etc. He seen I had a good job and nice home with a pool and drove a nice car and that I fell for him from day one……..he would say stuff like he wanted to move in with me but when I would recipocate and yes he would say ” no…….I want my freedom and to be on my own ,etc. ” and he would say stuff like ” lets go to vegas and get married for 99 cents ” and he is lucky to have me and he may not show it but he thanks me for everything I have done for him and no woman has ever done anything like that….etc. One time he called me to come and meet him at a bike show three hours away because he was leaking oil…..only for him to get mad at me for something stupid and yell at me in front of a crowd of people and drive away and I couldnt find him……here I am looking all around for the campground he said he was staying at and was sitting in a field in the dark not being able to find him and he was at HOME ……..I was devastated and cried all the way home! He left me there not knowing where I was and thinking he was there because he texted me and said he was lying down and had a headache and to come there……i had no idea where his campsite was and no one would tell me so I had to drive around looking for it……I doubt he even went back there…….once he broke up with me because he said I gave him a dirty look……when his daughter moved in with him he said I was jealous of her yet her and I got along better than he and her did….she eventually couldnt take him either so she moved back home with her mom and she still keeps in contact with me but not with him! I would buy them dinner and groceries and movies etc. and when he got paid he didnt even know me or wouldnt even buy me a sandwich! so he mistook resentment for jealousy! I would catch him taking his phone in the bathroom with him and one time I caught him turning the volume down! but when I said something he would get mad! I could go on and on but I just wanted to tell everyone that I am sorry for what they went through and it is a horrible experience I wouldnt wish on anyone and I now have to sit and wonder where to go from here and it has been almost a month and no more contact from him in three weeks….he just stopped contacting me and wont accept my calls or text messages so I just left a message that I wished him well and I wasnt pregnant and I didnt do anything wrong so I will leave him alone if that is what he wants…..and no reply ………..so I know I am better off in the long run just as everyone else is on here and people tell me to go to counseling and not to get depressed and he is no good and I should be feeling lucky I didnt waste any more time and etc. and maybe someday I will feel that but right now I am still hurting and upset and trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered illusion and get back to living……i am turning 45 in a couple of weeks and it is hard to be alone but someday I will find the strength to go out and date again…….somewhere there has got to be a good guy looking for a good girl ( and people tell me all the time I am pretty and guys say hi and stare at me all the time) and even his own mom and daughter told me that whenever he gets with someone the girl always suffers and I need someone who deserves me………sorry this is so long but I just wanted everyone to know that we have no choice to fall for these a-holes…….but we do have a choice let them continue to control our life after they are gone…….time to cut the supply off and move on to better days! there is nothing we can do or say to them that is going to be as bad as the KARMA that god is going to give them…….aventually they get old and tired and lonely and used up…….and discarded like us! I admire you guys who are dating and having fun and going out…….I will get to that point someday also!

  16. Reblogged this on branchalisa and commented:
    I saw the next victim. He set up a scene for me to found out he met a woman 20 years younger who claims to be pregnant with his baby. Yet, he left her one night to come with me for three days. Once I had enough, I started no contact. It’s been 4 days since I’ve heard or seen him. Wow! What an asshole.

  17. I saw the next victim. He set up a scene for me to found out he met a woman 20 years younger who claims to be pregnant with his baby. Yet, he left her one night to come with me for three days. Once I had enough, I started no contact. It’s been 4 days since I’ve heard or seen him. Wow! What an asshole.

  18. All that above has happened to me.
    I was with my ex SN for over 24 years and I was discarded from his life like garbage. I had to figure out how to support myself and my 2 sons which he happens to be the father. A woman came in the picture and she also drove me insane. She wanted the end of the relationship so she started to do things to give me clues. She would send pictures of her and my ex together to my house. I lived in hell and I can’t ever forget what they had put me and my children trough. Since my older son turned 18 I decided that I no longer needed to communicate with my ex so I took the short cut and started the process of accepting the facts. 4 years later I’ve heard trough some common friend that he still talks trash about me…by saying that he has remarriage, I am still alone and I don’t get to leave my place to go anywhere. How does he know and does he care? It shows that he still bother to ask my sons about me.
    Not too long ago, he decided to rob the OW in my face by driving in front of my window with her in the car. He also brings her to eat in my neighborhood…actually this one is amazing…he will eat half a bock away from my residence. I have ignored him and I feel comfortable by doing so.

    He drops subtle hints

    he is now doing EVERYTHING for the OW that I wanted him to do when he was with me
    he uses my son to send me messages which I completely ignore. He will never get the reactions he’s expecting to have from me. I will let him to starve himself on that one.

    This is what I fear most when you say above. A sociopath will never fully let go of a potential form of supply

    Will he always try different games to try to get my attention? So far seems that way. I refuse to be his supply and I refuse to be his old toy. I am trying my best to heal and to live a life of peace that I know I so much deserve.

    1. Hi Chloe, 24 years is a long time!! It is good that you can ignore him and feel empowered to do so.

      Yes I would imagine he will still try games to get your attention. If he is a sociopath life is a game and others are merely players in the game. You ARE right you do deserve peace. You also deserve a medal for coping for 24 years.

      1. Thanks positivagirl. I don’t know how I made trough the end. I can’t even explain with words the cruelties this man used to punish me. I didn’t know how I would survive but nothing would stop me from leaving. That was my chance and I couldn’t miss it. I had a beautiful house and a comfortable life financially but nothing of that meant anything to me. I was becoming sick with the mental abuses that they both were doing to me…So you know, I have no relatives here in the US so it was very difficult for me to even think how I would start my life with two kids. It was horrible. I do not wish anybody to go trough what I’ve experienced. The most horrifying thing was to see the OW acting as if she was the wife and I was the OW. I would try to contact him to help out with my younger son that was emotionally affected by the mess and he would tell me to ask my friends to help me. It was horrible! my younger son started to rebel himself in a very harmful way and all I could do was to pray and to be there for him. It got to a point which either I would lose my son due to his self destructive behavior or I would scream to the system for help which I did. I begged the judge to help me because I had never felt so alone in my entire life. My life didn’t know half of what was going trough… I couldn’t tell them due to the distance and my mom’s age. Sometimes I would fall apart crying alone and feeling a deeply desire of dying. I prayed many times for god to take me away but now I understand why I couldn’t leave…I was having high blood pressures and my doctor was thinking of getting me under medication. I told him not to do that, not yet… For two years, I had ignored all the emails the OW had sent to harass me. The system was great, at least worked on my sons case… All I can say is that now I have a good boy going to college and working part time. When he turned 18 I decided to cut all the communications with my ex and it’s been about a year and half NC. When he provokes me, I keep telling myself that my weapon is lethal and he’ll never get the pleasure of even hear my voice ever again.
        I didn’t come to the US to try a better life, I had all that in my country…I came here because he brought me. We met each other very young and there’s nothing he would not do for me. He didn’t marry me… he marriage the other woman to hurt me and I know he never loved her and he never will and that will be her karma for doing what she did to me. She has put me down many times for not knowing how to write in English and for been a foreigner in this country. One thing that as a foreigner I may have and they both lack (moral values and ethics). I want all of you to know that I am not upset at this woman for just what she (as a woman) did to me but what was also done to my kids…they didn’t deserve all the pain. I am still trying to deal with my older son. He became very disrespectful and abusive to me. I decided no longer to be the victim so I kicked him out of my place. He hasn’t talk to me for about a year. It hurts me deeply, sometimes I miss him so much that hurts but I need to do what needs to be done to be respected. I had made myself a promise that my sons would never be allowed to abuse me, they can try but won’t ever succeed. I got my own job, yes I work very hard but I have a place to live and I am little by little getting to where I want to be.
        With all the readings and with a lot of help from some psychologists I have been told that I was a super wife and a great mother so I am guilty free now. I am not crazy like he tells everybody to some he even told that I take medication… Hahahahaha I didn’t know that I have been diagnosed with mental problems. I feel sorry for him, I really do… He can’t ever be who I am or ever take away from me the treasures that I have inside myself…He didn’t kill the person that I was, I am actually a better person.

        After doing some reading, I realize that everything my ex focus is always about me.. he marriage the other woman to hurt me and he continues to use her with the intentions of hurting me. She may think it is about proving to me that he loves her. Lol ! She’s so ignorant and wrong…A few stupid little examples: He bought me a Mercedes for my birthday, I had to come up with the down payment about $8.000 somehow he disappeared with the car after we separated… 3 years later, I see the other woman driving my car and I was shocked and very upset. I learned to let it go…
        - He knew that I loved to collect watches… he gave me a fake Rolex so recently, my son told me he bought her a real Rolex.
        - he moved away from the city where I live, and all of a sudden he brings her to eat in a restaurant just a block away from the place where I live.
        What the heck he wants from me? Can’t he see that I am not giving in to him?
        - The latest one, was to send a message to me trough my son to ask if he could park one of his car in my garage for my son when he turns 21.. Well, the boy is 19 but by law he can’t drive until he’s 21 and he knows that. Would he leave a car in my garage under his name for 2 years? Knowing my son that well, he knows the boy would never wait two years to drive. It was another attempt of hearing back from me… He lost again.
        I decided for my own sake to create an invisible boyfriend.. yes, I did that…I work as a family assistant so my boss is super nice to me. He doesn’t like me to be without a car in the weekends so he tells me to bring his convertible Lexus. Lol! my son started to come up with this idea that I had a boyfriend so I thought that wasn’t a bad idea to let my own son to think that way because I knew the news would be spreaded pretty quickly. In deed, that happened… The SN hasn’t come around and he seems quiet lately. I am crossing my finger that he’s not too happy to know that his ex little bird is finally feeling free.
        My dear friends, we all have something here in common, some in different ways but we all have dealt with sick personalities and it takes time for us to get our feet again.. takes time to even know who we are after the storm… for me took me one day to look at myself at the mirror and what I had seen really scared.. I saw a deeply sad and suffered woman.. I saw how much I had aged and I took a deep breath so I told myself: this is me, I have been punished in many and different ways, I don’t need to self punish me anymore… enough is enough! I will go to rescue myself now… I am strong I am a fighter and there’s nothing to fear…No one will destroy me…I live for a reason so let it be. I am who I am and I feel comfortable in my own skin.. I don’t wear masks so I don’t have to hide my pain…who one day saw me falling apart will from now on see me smiling again…I have a billion reasons to live, I am responsible for my own happiness and my well being. I feel since this day much lighter and free…We’re all survivors!
        Sorry you all for my poor English.. I hope you can understand what I am trying to say.

      2. Wow! Bravo!! Your English is good and I read all of the way through. I can hear you shouting your need to be respected and to be strong.

        I cannot believe about the car for your son. But I can. He knew that if you said no (not to have his car in your garage 2 years) who would say yes to that ?? He could turn it around to his son and say see I was going to give you a car it’s your mothers fault you don’t have one. Ugh!!

        It is good you are finding your self respect. Sad about your eldest son. But I do think you are right to stand up and not be disrespected.

        Sounds like you have been through the equivalent of three wars you are on the other side and winning. I hope your eldest son can one day apologise.

  19. 5 years and little girl with a sociopath it has drained and aged the heck out of me. Not being from here (europe) never knew of the word and meaning until a counselor explained to me.
    I been trying to change and protect that man from his ex and her bitterness tours me him and our child,forget about the numerous cheating aspects.

    Sometimes i fill like JFK wife,dose anyone one needs to know how horrible her father is or how horrible of a man he is ?! lol

  20. I could write a book about him and the big incredible love i had for him. Sometimes im scared thinking what if i fall back to his manipulating games.
    And funny thing about them is that for them is always about another women,they cant stay single for a week,thats because the so insecure in their own skin that they need always someone to remind them how hreat they are.
    Im kind of sad i will have to deal with him for the rest of my life,i hope he gives up on his child just like he did with his previous baby mama and kids

    1. They always need someone else to give them attention and to reflect back just how amazing they are. They are also narcissists. They cannot bear to be on their own. This is what is also hard for the victim. While they are reeling and devastated the socio is off with someone new, just showing how little they thought of the person.

  21. Thank you for doing this,we women by natyre are meant to love and care for others especially the men we meet,but sometimes we dont realize how powerful and beautiful we are :)
    Thank you ..great post

  22. This blog is amazing; just what I needed to read after looking up my son’s name on YouTube and finding a video of him being cuddled and tickled by ex’s OW. Why the need?!

    My son is almost 2 and calls this OW “Mama”, I feel sick to the stomach.

    I only lasted a year with this monster, got pregnant within a few months and believed every word he said about me being the best thing that ever happened to him. I felt flattered he wanted me to move in so soon with him and relished in the bombardment of texts I received asking me silly things like was it me that was “making the sun shine”. I fell for this complete and utter cr*p hook, line and sinker!

    He was everything I dreamed of how a man should treat a woman and I actually felt sad for his “mental” ex wife for treating him so cruelly that he’d finally had enough and had to end the sheer hell she had put him through. How could she have done this to such a great man?!

    Fast forward 4 months: I’m pregnant and he’s acting delighted, but the tension builds up and suddenly he explodes on me. But hey, I’m just very hormonal and if it wasn’t for my mood swings, I wouldn’t have wound him up. This persists and gets worse and eventually I am convinced I need to make an appointment with a psychiatrist at the maternity hospital. Of course she finds me of sound mind and tells me to do a few CBT exercises online, but this was not good enough and ex was furious. “I’m coming with you next time!”, he snapped. Why couldn’t I see through him at this time?? I think when you’re in a very vulnerable position like I was, it’s easier to believe it is you than accept you’re being trapped by a lunatic.

    Things will get better I kept telling myself, holding back the real misery I was experiencing from friends and family; they would only tell me to leave him and there was no way I wanted to be a single mum!

    He’d already started to try and alienate my family from me by phoning them up and telling tales on me, I was beginning to think I really had lost it.

    He’d smother me with a pillow if I complained about the dog sleeping in the bed with us, knocked me about (only when I provoked him) and would never apologise. This was when i started to stand up to him and say it wasn’t my fault and try with all the exhausted strength I had to reason with him – all to no avail. The whole relationship was about punishment and rewards, “if you’re good you can have this…” etc. If I was bad (probably for complaining about his dog being in the bed again), he would drag me out of bed in my pyjamas and drive me to my cold apartment that hadn’t been leased out yet and just leave me there in the middle of the night. What.a. sicko.

    To everyone who has escaped the evil clutches of these ruthless people, well done to you! I I feel your pain, just never ever show them your weak side, don’t rise to the manipulation, it will drain you. Rise above it and always smile. I have the most beautiful little boy out of this toxic relationship, he has moved on, but I still suffer extreme verbal and emotional abuse; he even ruins my son’s clothes to get to me when i have asked him nicely not to. He is pathetic. Currently going through legal proceedings now because enough is enough.

    Remember you are better than them!

    1. Hi and welcome to the site. I also understand the crazy making behaviour when pregnant. I was with someone like that too. At first I thought it was me, I couldn’t understand why Mr Perfect, was changing, into Mr Stonewalling, Mr Runner, Mr refuse to speak to me for 3 months of pregnancy – I couldn’t figure out why people I thought were my friends, also kept away from me in pregnancy. It never occured to me that he was spreading lies about me. The last two months of pregnancy were almost perfect, except of course I was paying for everything – every day telling me how he loved me….. then our daughter died at the end of pregnancy….. I couldn’t figure out how he could just leave after spending a week in the hospital with me. How could he go off on holidays? I couldn’t understand how people would say ‘poor him’….. huh? He never spoke to me ever again. Yet he was the victim…. it took years for everything to make sense. Welcome to the site.

  23. Hi Positivagirl,

    What you went through must’ve been horrific. If the pain of losing a baby wasn’t bad enough, to have your SO leave your side when you needed him the most then act the Victim is absolutely disgusting and must’ve been heart rendering. What a nasty loser he was (is).

    Please take solace that to go through all that heartache has made you an even stronger person, and to choose to want to actively help others who have encountered similar experiences is truly remarkable.

    Why do they lie so much? The father of my child has manipulated others into thinking I constantly harass him when that couldn’t be further from the truth. What actually happens is that he aggravates me in a passive aggressive way, usually by showing disrespect to our child so I rise to it after helplessly going into lioness mode. I’m learning not to, but it’s so hard. Then there’s the verbal abuse and squaring up to me at the handover; he’s a bully and he makes my blood boil.

    He threw us out and made us homeless when DS was 3 weeks old. This was all in a bid to manipulate me to “conform” to his ways by allowing the bullying to continue without standing up to him. He said I could move back in again if I showed an improvement in my behaviour and I was “good”. I so wanted us to be a family and begged for him to let me move back in, he took my keys off me and everything, I had no access to my clothes or the baby’s, just took what I could. He said he needed to see a significant improvement within 4 weeks, but I’d just had his baby, was emotional wreck so I eventually told him to go to hell. Don’t think he’s ever forgiven me for this, and guess what? He played the victim.

    1. This is typical behaviour Valeria. You know no matter what you would have done it still wouldn’t have been enough. He still would have complained and deliberately picked fights just to upset you. If you went back it would be more of the same. If you were mother Theresa he would still find fault. Who does he think he is? Does he think he is your father telling you to be a good girl? I am so sorry that you are going through this. All that I can say is that If you went back the outcome would always be the same.

      1. There is no chance I would go back to him. That’s what was so hard at the beginning: to let go of the idea of being in a happy family. He’d shattered my dreams and I really wanted to believe it was my fault because I was conned into thinking he was the one for me, had put him on a pedestal and became self-critical. I couldn’t get angry, I was just upset, but gradually like you say nothing would’ve made him happier. He’d always be shouting at me, “what have you ever done for me?”, in one of his rages, and nothing I reminded him of was ever enough.

        He’s had a girlfriend for over a year (half his age), and he denied it when I mentioned it in passing only 2 months ago at the handover. It’s none of my business and I couldn’t care less at the stage I’m at now, but yet again, why blatantly lie like that? I know it sounds awful but I really hope she’s seen his mask slip once or twice within that time so I don’t feel singled out but she’s young and probably naive – perfect target. Anyway if he was truly happy he wouldn’t be trying to make my life more difficult, would he?! Idiot.

  24. I feel sorry for the new girl, I am probably going to catch hell for saying so. I hope they stay together and he stays with her. They deserve each other. She was joking about me like she knows me! She don’t know me and she sure as hell heard a way different version of what went down. She is jealous of me and he is jealous of me and they can be bitter in bed to the end! But she will know deep in her heart why he is so angry. He has small penis syndrome. Im not just saying it. 3 inches is all he has. She can have it! I dont need to post pictures or make a spectacle of my current relationship. I dont need a jealous insecure dramamongering fool with a small penis and small bling to make me happy. I moved up in that game.

    What bothers me is the gossip. OOOH it gets under my skin! I dont respond but I know its there. I hope they last in mediocrity and bitterness! The best revenge is living well. Eventually the gossip will lose its effectiveness. His 3rd major love in less then a year. Eventually people will see the drama in front of their faces. He is drama! Glad Im out!

    1. The gossip is hurtful isn’t it? I think that can be a really tough part of being with a socio is the lies that they tell about you when it ends. I know that I found this tough. No doubt he has told the new girl a pack of lies about you, making him out to be the good guy and you the bad one. Everything with them is dramatatised for effect. Your best off having no contact and not looking at his social networking as it is often designed to get at you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s