When you go into the relationship with the sociopath, things seem absolutely perfect. The sociopath embodies perfection, all that you are looking for and you are thrilled to bits that he seems to see you, as perfect too.
Of course, this is all an illusion and a lie. The sociopath is simply being who you want him to be. He is being a mirror image of the best side of you.
The shift in behaviour pattern
Once the sociopath has lured you into his web, and captured you, taken possession of you the games can begin.
Remember I wrote how the pattern is always the same
Once the sociopath goes into gaming you will see another pattern emerge. It is a way of controlling you, isolating you, and keeping you captive.
If you have friends, and an active social life, at first the sociopath being charismatic, might appear to be happy about this, and will do all that he can to seduce your friends. They now are also deceived into thinking that he is the right person for you. You are pleased that your friends approve. Things couldn’t feel more perfect. You are on a high, and riding on the crest of a wave.
Once the sociopath has you under his control, it is now time to remove other people who might take up your time, or worse, convince you, that this person is not right for you. The sociopath now sees you as somebody that he owns (his possession). At this point, you have just been through the seduction stage, and everything is heavy with anticipation of a bright and brilliant future with your perfect soul mate. You have no idea what is about to come next.
The sociopath wants full ownership of you. To achieve this he will need to remove other people. The sociopath becomes jealous of other people in your life.
Behind closed doors, away from public view, a new pattern starts to emerge, the sociopath will
- Make comments about your friends
- Accuse them of negative personality traits
- Deliberately set up situations so that you are perceived in a bad light
An example of this type of behaviour (how many of you experienced this?)
You had a wide circle of friends – and you went out drinking socially at the weekend with them, the first comments would be
- Think your friends are alcoholics
- He/she is a bit easy
You, the victim, because you have been seduced, and are now thinking that you are in the ‘perfect’ relationship, you don’t want your perfect partner to think badly about you. So, you begin to distance from your friends. If you don’t the pressure will continue, and you will likely hear the next line:
I think you are an alcoholic. You seem to have a problem
You are now devastated. You know that this is not true. You are not an alcoholic. You barely drink, you have only been seeing your friends as you always did.
You are keen to show to the sociopath that you are not an alcoholic. You stop seeing those friends, you stop going out. You don’t want the sociopath to think badly of you. You were once ‘perfect’ to the sociopath. So you start to arrange your life, to continue being that ‘perfect’ person.
This is just the beginning…..
Now the sociopath has moved from seduction, to gaming. The game reverses. You are now doing all that you can to please your partner. To prove that you are not the person that he says you are. You look at your friends, and you think is this how I am perceived? We were just out having a good time?
It doesn’t occur to you that the sociopath is jealous. Not having those close friendships of his own, your friendships make him feel insecure, and worried that he is about to lose you.
He will tell you this. You are keen to reassure, it is not like this. You give more attention and focus to your disordered partner, and forget about your own needs. You are now striving to make someone else happy, and starting to lose your own identity.
The longer that you stay with this type of person the worse that it will become. Once the tap starts dripping, it is never turned off. The tap continues to drip drip drip…. feeding negativity into you, until you start to feel very bad about yourself. You do not know why or why something that started off so perfect is now going so badly wrong.
There is only one reason why. You are being emotionally abused. Emotional abuse will not stop, not until you remove yourself. Turn off the tap, and establish no contact.
After a while, that dripping tap becomes overwhelming… it starts to get bigger than you. You are constantly reassuring your disordered partner, and doing your best, but it is never enough and it is never good enough. You will never be able to fulfil someone who is emotionally damaged. They will suck the life out of you.
No matter what the promises are that they will change. They will not change. The sociopath cannot change.
Set yourself free. Establish no contact. Keep to no contact. No contact will turn off the tap…. within time, you will heal, and you will recover :)
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