It can get quite creepy in the room, when you are faced with ‘silence’. The sociopath, after however long of
- Attention seeking
- Deception and illusion
- Often mindless, constant chatter (about nothing at all) – usually about the sociopath
- Narcisstic rages
- Ownership and possession
Has suddenly left your life after you called time on the relationship. Usually they will say
See you around, thanks for everything. I am sure that we will both meet someone else. After all, we wouldn’t have a problem….
That is it. Bingo, they are out of your life. From constant bombardment, there is nothing. Nothing but silence.
This time is the most confusing of all. You have been constantly bombarded, and now nothing. Likely, only the day before the sociopath was declaring love for you.
What is really going on during this period of silence?
Remember that for the sociopath two things are more important than anything
- Being in control
In your mind, if somebody ‘loved’ you, they would fight for you, right? So this silence, cuts like a knife through your heart. The silence is almost deafening. It reinforces what you already knew, that your partner never loved you. In the silence you start to grieve.
What is really happening is that when you end the relationship, or try to establish your own rights, the sociopath, now sees that they are no longer winning, or being in control. The silent treatment is a way to both get back control (now that they are ignoring you) once again they are ‘winning’.
The reality is this:
- The silent treatment is a form of control to hurt and punish you
- That the sociopath will (unfortunately) come back (almost always)
- It might feel like the sociopath has dropped off a cliff – but he/she hasn’t. Likely they already know (they have assessed you) what your reaction will be to the silent treatment. Once again they are managing to manipulate you through your emotions
- It doesn’t mean that you are worthless, that he/she has found someone/thing better – it just means that the sociopath is playing the game.
If you are hurting right now, just remember, if somebody loved you, why would they not care about your feelings? Why would they want you to be hurt? Yes its normal to take time out after a fight. The sociopath is not taking time out, they are deliberately manipulating you, playing the game to take back control, and win.
The only way out of this vicious cycle (which will repeat for as long as you allow it) is to stop playing the game. Remove yourself. Stop playing. Get out. Stay out. Focus on you.
You cannot change the sociopath and their behaviour towards you, but you can change you, and your response to their behaviour.
It is not your fault. There is nothing that you did to either deserve or cause this. In fact nothing you could have done would have changed the outcome. The behaviour is repeated behaviour because of the way that the sociopath sees the world. In the sociopaths mind, life is a game. People are objects to be used to achieve their own agenda, and get what they want.
Try to now think of you. its time for YOU to be a winner and for YOU to take back control over your own life. Use this time to take back control. YOU decide to establish no contact. See the articles in healing and recovery about No contact, how to establish no contact, the benefits of doing so that each day of ‘silence’ you can celebrate your freedom.
You have lost nothing – whilst you were with the sociopath you were losing. You were losing yourself. Now you are free. It might feel strange at first. Just take one day at a time. The sociopath will be back in touch – that is almost certain.
Each day that the sociopath is out of your life, you are winning!!! Because you are winning back you!! No longer are you losing (yourself) so celebrate this freedom. Celebrate the silence. Focus on you, and focus on healing and recovery.Your worth it :)