Dr Phil – Catfish? Er no…. Sociopath!

Sociopath and the dangers of online dating post http://datingasociopath.com/2013/02/11/the-dangers-of-on-line-dating/

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134 thoughts on “Dr Phil – Catfish? Er no…. Sociopath!”

  1. Im watching this right now and have listened to the first girl and Dr Phils response. I paused it because i wanted to say that i really don’t agree with Dr Phils approach or hammering of this poor woman. It was almost like he was taking the piss out of her for being gullible. He obviously has not been drawn in by a sociopath before! Or realise that some people believe only that people are good (well before the soc anyway)

    1. Positivegirl, I haven’t watch the video yet but the mentioning of Dr. Phil turns my stomach. I watched his show a couple of times and I don’t like his demeanor nor his methods of counseling. To me, he himself is a sociopath because he exploits his guests pain or tragic life troubles. He’s nothing like Dr. Oz who show empathy and explains to his guests the root and cause of a condition.

      1. Oh you have to watch this one Cher… its unbelievable it might take a bit of your time. But I am stunned that someone who is a Dr, wouldn’t be able to see classic sociopathic behaviour and how he makes the victims feel like they are stupid. He is a doctor? It is worth watching as it is classic sociopathic behaviour. Its a story with a twist. Why call it catfish? When he is a doctor and the behaviour is clear sociopathic behaviour?

      2. I just watched this and am just appalled and angry. I had heard the term “catfish” or “bottomfeeder” from my own therapist, who really doesn’t understand the depth of the emotional upheaval I was and still am experiencing after having been in one of these crazy making relationships with a socio/psychopath. Her recommendation was to “throw back the bottomfeeder’ and keep fishing for someone more desirable in the online dating pool.
        Well, fortunately I know that I am not ready to go back to fishing…..

      3. Hi Carmen, sounds to me that you need a new counsellor. That’s just bullshit. Mine doesn’t like labels like sociopath/narcissist. But since me and what’s happened, I believe she has done more research on it. She knows they exist and knows that she herself has been with one in the past. She is great.

      4. Hi IID,
        I don’t quite know about needing a new counselor. She has been extremely helpful for me in dealing with the original PTSD I had before even meeting this guy. And she IS recognizing that this relationship triggered some old stuff from childhood and has helped me with that. While I do think she doesn’t fully comprehend the damage a relationship with a “path” can bring, my EMDR with her has been very successful.
        For understanding about the pathological relationship I find understanding here and in online resources, and as I am gaining some distance from him now, I find that to be enough.
        I guess the point I was trying to make was that the “minimizing” of the sociopath experience is a bit troublesome, the catfish and bottom feeder reference.
        Even though I have posted here and there, I have not told the full story of my relationship with the “path”. I do suspect him to be a full blown psychopath, btw. The reason I have not told the full story is that he could easily recognize it if he found it in this public forum. And I don’t know if I would be safe if he found out that I now know what I know, some of his actions during our relationship make me believe that he has it in him to be quite dangerous.
        So again, having a very public figure like Dr. Phil minimize the devastation these people can cause, and the potential danger from them, is very disturbing.

        I do want to share one more realization. I no longer am interested in ever pursuing any kind of relationship with my ex, not even the “friendship” he wants with me. Everything he presented to me was false, until the mask dropped and the real person appeared with all the cruelty, arrogance and abuse, not to mention the acts of emotional and psychological violence which simply have me scared of him. I do find that the only time I now even think of reaching out to him is when I am feeling lonely. And that shows me that I need to fill that lonely space in my life, with good friends, and perhaps new and not necessarily romantic relationships. And perhaps I can fill some of those lonely times with just being content with my own company, loving myself enough to not pursue someone who will only bring more pain, and potential danger to my life.

      5. Hi Carmen,
        Sorry if my reply was a bit harsh. I was so worked up about dr phil and I was not in a good place that day. Sounds to me that you have a good relationship with her otherwise and maybe you can enlighten her on this kind of abuse.

        It’s fantastic you gave reached that level of knowing that being around him in any shape or form is not good for your soul. And great self awareness around those times when you get lonely. You’re really are on the major hump of recovery. Understanding yourself and putting yourself first is not always easy for us that have put ourselves last our whole lives.

        My recovery has now moved past the soc to a realisation that I have family of origin wounds that lead me down this path that I’m now trying to heal. It is very painful and I’m lost as I don’t know how to fix these hurts that have become the very essence of who I am.

        At these times when I’m hurting, strangely I wish my soc was by my side holding my hand. Which is so stupid because he was NEVER There for me when I needed him. Ah what a web. I know that is the lie he pretended to be. …Love and security that my family never offered. Words spoken. Actions spoke otherwise.

        No matter what your story Carmen, we know your pain and although sad this has happened to you, I’m glad you’ve found this group for understanding support and to help heal your wounds xx

      6. Hi again, IID
        I totally understand what you mean when you talk about the family of origin hurts. There is no doubt in my mind that the same sort of thing led me into this relationship with him.
        So you see, that is exactly why I am reluctant to let go of my counsellor, she may not fully understand the depth of this man’s pathologies, but she sure does understand that this is all childhood related, because that had already began to come out in the “pre-sociopath” counseling and EMDR sessions with her.
        I think we can, and will, heal these hurts, IID. I wish I could give you a hug. Reaching out to the person who has created so much havoc in our lives is not the answer… and really, that “loving, helpful, understanding” guy does not exist. It was merely a persona he created to (in my case) collect information that he later used to hurt and manipulate me.
        We will heal from this and move on to happier and healthier lives and relationships.

      7. @pos I know you mentioned that one of your major goals this year was to create further awareness on PTSD. I was looking around on the blog and couldn’t find anything on the topic. Have you published anything on here yet and how it pertains to spaths?

      8. @carmen05

        What you wrote in the last paragraph – I feel like that now too. I am back to my interests,health, life philosophy, principles… reading new books, exercising, doing healthy things and I am happy I am back to myself again and am continuing my way. If somebody nice comes along, that would be nice (but somebody who will NOT push me from my way, I will not allow that ever again) but like you said well, I will not spend time pursuing someone who will only bring pain and potential danger to my life.

      9. Well I believe for some, it’s not love your fellow man (women) it’s, let me take you for all your worth. Even a doctor. Some how they have to pay those student loans off. Greed is what makes the world go ’round, not love. And see how you will make your self look publicly to do it. Money is truly the root of all evil.

      10. Ugh, maybe later if I want to puke, I am already sick had to deal with my ex, first thing this morning. To many dysfunctional people in one day, makes me want to vomit. And my neck hurts, lol. I wonder why. Lol.

      11. @PG

        Okay – Fine, I need to hit my goal weight, so I watched all 43 mins of “Dr Phil”.
        After I set aside the fact he was a walking advertisement for everything but feminine hygiene products. I believe he “dumbed” himself down to the public, (so much for integrity). I understood “catfish” to be the entire scam. So I think he should stop trying to use “hip or cool” words! Its as if he trying to be the cool old man, but he’s not. He’s still just a old old man. Which is sad. He has good information, it’s just not going to be put out there in a format anyone is going to want to read, unless they just love Dr. Phill.
        After 43 mins of watching him move around like Jimmy Swaggert, (sorry it’s my visual when I watch him, point and move around with his hand gestures and holier than thou attitude, southern accent).
        The only positive things I pulled from this is, always know your worth, (duh, my crazy mother told my this my whole life), and “Deal only with the Truth”, (common sense?).
        Okay negative, I was very sad to see the first women, who was the most traumatized, just on the verge of a break down, being told pretty much this happens because you were a “baiter”? Wtf? The other three were traumatized but not as bad as her. Oh and copy of my new book is going to fix you, I really just wanted to hug her, (I am not a hugger, really). But I felt like she just needed to know, damn it’s not you, people fall victim to these NS’s everyday. I was disappointed they didn’t out the NS, by making this decision it made it seem like they were letting this person hide by their cloak of indiscretions. Not cool.

        Okay happy, I gave you my thoughts. When I send you stuff, it’s happy? I don’t make you want to be sick – blah!!!

      12. Ugh, don’t remind me about those student loans !!! On the upside slightly on and off topic– I just got a Job interview for Saturday — Counseling at Christian Counseling Center!!! I have not worked since getting my MA and honestly was a bit a burnt out– but I feel ready and excited at the prospect now! Please send some prayers– I also haven’t been on interview in Loooong time- have been care taking for last 7 months, and NC for 4– doors are opening again!!! I hope to be able to help others with my experience to redeem it ;) EL

      13. @EL

        This is such great news!!! I am so happy!! First you have a MA, which is awesome, (I so wish I had a degree in my background, not a certificate from The School of Hard Knocks!😔), and you have a interview!! The economy is very competitive at the moment, so I wish you the best!! Will be praying for you!! I am so happy!

      14. Nibsih

        Thank You for prayers & shared joy. I do beleive my school of hard knocks certification, like yours is way more valuable than my MA. I also was on job search when I met soc. It got lost in shuffle– and then post break up-/ I felt so zapped & thought I need more help than I can give. But that has all turned around, I know I’ve mentioned before, but getting through withdrawls & N C has slowly restored me, and I feel a renewed purpose & strength.

        However, since I decided to go back to school during mid life crisis ( why didn’t i regroup, save the loan debt & get a sane new boyfriend & sports car instead ?lol) I need to put it too use, and I’m on a mission to counteract the Dr Phil’s, with good old empathy & sincerity. I feel renewed interest, and it has been some time since I’ve been up to the task– felt like a wounded healer. But now I see what God has brought me through, and I want to give back whatever I can. The time is right. The economy is awful, not many opportunities in my field, so this one is a Godsend, all I can do is put my best foot forward, I haven’t interviewed in a long time — so today I’m going to do some affirmations, polish up and show up tomorrow with armed with my experience here and some recovery , see where it takes me ;) After watching Dr Phil, I know how not to respond! Pace & Blessings, EL

      15. OMG, that should be a T-shirt, I went through mid-life, all I got was a insane (boy/girl friend), debt and this lousy tshirt.

        Remain positive, and have a sense of humor, I know I have to, they stole everything else!! Oh I do have satiric humor at times. Ha ha!

        Have a great day, wear your power color!! You know which one it is!!


      16. How about making the t in personal power colors?! Ideas for eBay–

        Ohh we’ve come up with a few good T ideas over the months here—it would be fun to have some kind of datingasoc survival momento– designer-love bomb files & storage with dating a soc, truth sets you free logo ( store crafty letters, gifts & journal entries, receipts lol) security systems & portable, compact lie detectors in fashion /power colors & personalized with DAS logo ( to take on the go) How about …. DAS tracking device also in fashion/power colors– buy one get one free for OW or sources of supply?! Group discount if OW, Sources of supply agree to have a DAS synchronized love bomb surprise party ( like a Tupperware or Lingerie party) — turn the tables mirror him & love bomb at once while wearing tshirt DAS special edition? Ok, creative imagination helps me heal lol ;)

      17. Omg, okay – I have for a while I had this clause in our court order where the NS had to be in the presence of our children during visitation. I would be so angry because he would always get away with not being there. So I wanted to buy a gps system, and hook his car to it and see when he was at work and not. Lol. My boyfriend was like – ugh no I forbid you, you are crazy. I was upset, he always gets away with everything. Now I am like whatever. I can’t do a think about it. Why bother!! But yes, I have a very creative imagination also. It helps get you through it! Then your like oh this would be soo funny! Then your like, eh but I don’t care! I think it’s worse because I have to endure him for so damn long, children. Ugh.


      18. But I just remembered, this was the same boyfriend who wanted to buy the hover craft (from Brookstone) to fly over his backyard to see what he was doing, But I am the crazy one ! Hahaha! – not 😡!


      19. Oh just laugh it up, I will have you know, this man is 46 years old, and he had the nerve to call me crazy!! And no the crazies are here in California! I just had sweating visions of this hover thing flying over the NS backyard, and the battery dying while we are around the corner downloading the footage onto our iPhones. I said no, if I can’t have GPS I can watch on my iPhone you can’t have the hover thing! – really I think we are both sick, then he goes into how he can watch his pot head kids, oh lord.

        At lease the bikini thing, that’s normalish! Better off to just wear sunglasses like all the other old men.

        I am glad I brought laughter into your day, and I have moved on from this version of my self, that was about 18 months ago. 😊!

      20. Hi Positivegirl, this was a was a long time reply to you. Ok, I watched Dr. Phil’s Catfish. As usual, he was his Hot Dog Grand Standing demeanor self. As for his guests, I’m sorry for their disappointing online dating experience. The reason Dr. Phil has labeled the show Catfish because its the viral term used in the land of internet dating users understand. I myself didn’t know of the term until someone told me about it. Ok, for starters, Dr. Phil use that term to gain more viewers to tune into the show. Like I said, he’s all about popularity rather than providing clear clarification on peoples actions. As for the ladies, I feel he should have went a little deeper about finding out their psychological background into their self-esteem, social life, etc. The reason being should a person who them self has no social life or feel they must be in a relationship to feel complete; it also plays a role in them being easy prey. As myself dealt with a sociopath, I have avoided other possible encounters through using common sense. When someone who fails to meet me after the first initial cancelled date, its a wrap I don’t stick around for a third cancelled date. Especially, during just the talking phase. These women never said they go out and meet men only talked about online interaction. As all of us probably know online dating sucks and full of people who are cheating. We all have used it long enough to spot who’s who. These women just only kept talking to this one guy they never met. At this level, you are to be talking to other people as well as go out on dates. At that point, you decide who you find attractive and connect. These ladies didn’t use common sense which leads me back to Dr. Phil should have asked about their social life and self esteem issues. At that point, he could have talked about how sociopaths prey on women of this nature. As for me, I don’t and wouldn’t devote all my time to someone who fails to meet in person after a second cancelled date. I was talking to this guy and immediately requested us to meet rather than to trade pics back and forth for days. After I made that statement, he never called again nor did I bother further. Reason was obvious, his few pics sent were probably not of him. Just common sense. That’s my take on the show.

      21. I have been in the audience of the Dr. Phil show several times. I have seen behind the scenes and was very surprised. Dr. Phil seemed very gracious to his audience and not at all what I had seen on television. I spoke to him on one visit, from the audience and he treated my question with respect and consideration. On one visit to his show I sat close to Robin, his wife. She too seemed kind. I believe what we see on television is all for show. I do not know these people personally but I do know there are many people whom I do have everyday dealings with who are much worse!

  2. I have to say that this makes me angry. He is suppose to know it all. For us that know what this is – a sociopath – we now know that Dr Phil is sometimes a bit of dummy. Ugh! This would be the perfect opportunity to start exposing them globally and he F* it up!

    I am still watching it… there must be a blog for this? I want to comment on it and put him straight!

    1. I know I am stunned and this is a DOCTOR.This proves my point….. I am going to put the other video up. As I think that goes to his page. Each time someone hits it it will go to his video link. As his mocking of these women is unacceptable.Making out like they are stupid? Umm actually no they are not stupid they were conned.

      Really – life experience gives you knowledge…. you can only learn so much from books. I am angry how those women were treated. This is meant to be a professional?

      1. i posted on his blog giving them a few truths, but didn’t see my comment come up so they must be monitoring the comments. Mind you there are plenty of nasty comments to the poor women telling them how stupid they are! Ugh! i had to get off – it made me so angry. I wonder if there is some truth to what Cher has said in her above comment…

  3. Dear Dr Phil,

    I write a website at datingasociopath.com. On my site, I write articles about dating a sociopath, and also share videos.

    I came across some videos from your show about ‘catfish’. There was one particular show in which I was stunned to see three women, who were chastised as being ‘stupid’ how did they get lured in?

    I am confused, as if you are trained to be a forensic psychologist, why would you not understand what is classic socio/pyschopathic behaviour?

    Why is sociopathic behaviour being labelled as ‘catfish’. I would imagine that this (if people do watch the videos on my site) will have quite a strong reaction.

    The victims are not stupid. There is nothing wrong with them. Sociopaths are incredibly manipulative, deceptive and create a mask of illusion and deception. .
    I do not think that this ‘catfish’ labelling is useful for victims, as it infers that they are somehow to blame. Unless you have been involved with someone like this, it is impossible to understand how easily it is to get lured in. Sociopaths create a mask of sanity and illusion to get what they want from people. They get a high (a rush of endorphines) – from duping and conning others. This becomes addictive to them. So they continue, it gives them a sense of purpose and worth, and attention.

    I am confused why you are trying to label something as ‘catfish’ when it is quite literally sociopaths using social networking, particularly dating sites to lure new victims.

    Internet dating is a very popular choice for sociopaths, as they can easily find out information about the target, then change their own persona online to be the ‘perfect partner’. The sociopath will play victim, and mirror the target. They are compulsive pathological liars, and will say and do absolutely anything to get whatever it is that they want. They get off destroying people who they feel would be ‘out of their league’ and use charm and charisma.

    They all follow identical patterns of behaviour. Which is why sites such as mine are so popular. (I am in the UK but more than 75% of my readers are from USA). I think my site ranks at no 1 in google listings. They all follow identical patterns of behaviour.

    I would just like to understand, why a doctor, would label a sociopath as a catfish?

    This isn’t useful, or helpful, for all of us that are working so hard, to raise awareness about socio/psychopathic behaviour.

    Kindest regards from the UK


    1. I watched the video and didn’t see him calling them stupid or blaming them. The label Catfish is not his. He was clearly on their side and using their experiences to warn others. He really needed two shows to get into the problem in depth needed. He glossed over a few areas because of time constraints. You’re angry about you and others people’s being victimized by sociopaths and I’m not sure they are all sociopaths although they’re evil or severely damaged people. You’re also angry because Dr. Phil didn’t frame his show within your framework. The guy’s on your side. He had some good advice. He wants people to be aware this happens and look for certain red flags when in an online relationship. He doesn’t have to label these users as sociopaths in order to get the message out. If you’re tempted to criticize me for differing with you please know that I’m on your side too.

      1. Hi John,

        I don’t mind you having a difference of opinion. For me, it isn’t anything to do with me or anyone else being victimized by sociopaths. It is about a person who is a doctor and therefore in the medical profession, who is on tv and therefore has a responsibility. Its a bum deal, but that is unfortunately the way that life is. From my point of view, I have no idea why he was using the word ‘catfish’ and then promoting his book…. when those women were victims of sociopathic behaviour.

        It is nothing to do with being angry about me, or anyone else. I wasn’t angry as he didn’t frame the show within my framework at all. Truthfully I didn’t expect it. I had no idea what a catfish was, and was just perusing youtube. I started to watch the video, and was more alarmed, than angry. I was alarmed that someone who is a doctor wouldn’t mention that this was sociopathic behaviour?

        At the point where he says ‘why would someone do something so evil’ this was the ideal time for him to say about sociopathic behaviour. Indeed I think that he did humiliate those women. He might not have said that with open language, but the format of the show did show this.

        No, I am not critizising you for disagreeing with me. My reasons, are – that many of us work hard to raise awareness of sociopathy (not just on this site) but many sites….. this awareness is helping victims to get help. I think personally that as this is a doctor…. on television he has a responsibility to be honest, and tell the truth. That opportunity was missed, instead, it appeared to be about using this opportunity to promote his book. This to me felt very wrong.

      2. Hi Pos;

        I hope your back is doing better. I recall about a month after I left my SP/N my back went out – I had never had back problems like this before and I was in so much pain I had to sleep in a recliner for several weeks. Pain medication did nothing but make me feel doped and still in pain. Heat was the only relief, and then only temporary.

        I’m going to venture to say that no one can make me feel more guilty about what happened with my SP/N than myself. I run the gamut from feeling stupid, naive, gullible, embarrased, and in some ways even complicit in my own ruin.

        I find it difficult to talk to anyone because of this, and in some ways I think this is all part of what the SP plans – they depend on a reaction just like mine – that the victim will be so embarrassed to tell their story it allows the SP to continue to play their game in the open with relative certainty their evil will remain secret. My SP created a fake online identity and used that to introduce women to himself, but I never told his new GF because I am afraid of him. Once I realized that I didn’t know who he really was I also became aware that I did not know what he might be capable of.

        Yes, there does need to be education about this, because just like rape, people do not understand what really happened or what it does to you unless they experience it personally. But, just look how long it took society to recognize that rape is a crime of control and not the result of a woman “asking for it”.


      3. Today, is the first day in 8 days that I have been able to ‘walk’ its wobbly….. but…. I am starting to find my legs….

        I think it is difficult to talk to others about it, as they do not understand it. Also we feel stupid how we allowed this to happen to us (although in reality we didn’t allow it, we were manipulated).

      4. Hi John.
        My anger comes from 2 areas. The first that he did not call a duck a duck. (I.e. if it flies like a duck, swims like a duck and quacks like a duck …umm it’s a duck! ). He called sociopathy a catfish. This personality disorder is running rampant in society, many people are being damaged by it and many are taking their lives because of it. To see a professional that many many people look up too and millions view, was a massive opportunity for him to bring awareness to the disorder and educate people and that sociopathy is not a term used just for murderers. But he did not. he used it fir his own benefit. You say that it may not have been a sociopath, but he lists multiple characteristics that a “catfish” has. They are identical to a duck… i mean a sociopath – so why make out like its a chicken? All this does is confuse everyone more.
        The second reason was the way he treated the girls. He was demeaning to them. The audience even laughed at their stupidity a few times because he presented it that way. Never once, that I heard, did he say how the victims ended up there because of their emotions, which would have been more useful. He could have explained how their trusting nature and strong compassion led them to overlook what was becoming more and more obvious. Because the soc painted the dream so well. And that this could happen to anyone. Instead he implied they were gullible and that these are the list that they should have known. That is no way to treat a victim of sociopathy. if you are one then you should know its not a matter of ‘well this is where you stuffed up, now you know… go out and catch a better fish”. They know the signs now, but treating them like that on tv did not help them. what it did was embarrass them and most importantly, what it did was disable other victims from coming forward to avoid being treated like That.
        Furthermore, all those sitting in the audience and those commenting on his site think that they could spot it a mile off, well not necessarily, because he didnt present it from the victims side and until you’ve been there or understand emotionally what happened, you can be caught as the sociopaths are sneaky, Any body who has experienced this kind of betrayal from a sociopath now is aware that these kind of people really do exist. But only once they understand its a disorder and why they are susceptible to it. He should have focused on that. Instead he had to tell them what they should have done as a lecturer not a compassionate doctor.
        I was one of those that wondered how people could be so gullible and wondered how people stay in abusive relationships. But then I was caught by a sociopath. Now I understand. All those idiots that think it could never happen to them have no idea how easily it could happen to them. I’m a very intelligent, strong, big career , independent woman but the soc got me! Oh he had to be subtle and patient and after 20 months he gave up as it was too hard, but he still got me fooled for 20 months. And the destruction he left behind was intense. Now I know. What doctor phil said was not conducive to the victims nor to raising awareness to society. It did not help them understand how they let someone in like that. And as they and all the victims watching still don’t realise it’s a serious personality disorder, they can’t educate themselves on it which is needed to get better.
        That’s why I am angry and even disgusted by this so called professional.

      5. I agree with you John, although I do think there was more of a bend towards the women being stupid than there was towards the men being disgusting con-men. That being said, we still need to be aware of just how many of these con-men are out there, and the warning signs to look for, I do think Dr Phil is trying to push this and help raise awareness.

    2. Well done !

      You are right which is scary in itself , how can it be that ” trained experts ” can t see these things for what they are ?

      Having said that ….. Dr Bob Hare states that he was completely fooled by one on his first job as a prison psychiatrist .

      You almost feel like you are in one of those horror movies where only the hero can see the vampires..,……”The Lost Boys “I think it was !

      I read somewhere that the original vampire concept was based on these soulless undead creatures , don t know whether its correct or whether I am inadvertently confabulating ….. I love that word :-)

      Narcissistic confabulations !!!!

      Quality …

      Ha , I cracked a joke finally ……. :-) hope last few days have been ok for you

    1. I don’t know…. for everyone that writes about sociopathy, I would hope that they would write to his show to express comment.

      Those poor women, I really felt for them, and could see their pain. All he had to say was that they had been targeted by a sociopath. Those women could have then searched online and found support networks to talk to other victims who understand and can support them through,

      Then his ‘book’ at the end, writing as if he had just came up with a new thing? Umm… wasn’t it Hervey Cletchly ?(Sp) in mask of sanity, Robert Hare and all of his work. What I don’t understand is this man is a doctor. Everything that these women describe is being a victim to a sociopath, so why has he not said this – instead making out that he has made some new discovery? …. and not telling them that they were the victim of a socio/psychopath?

      1. It is a prime example why this problem persists. It’s hard to be educated about something, when the information isn’t available main stream. Just when you go searching. My guess is that he probably is coining a new term, in order to cash out. It’s so sad, but the world is run on money. Money seems to take priority over reality, honesty etc.

        It’s scary.

  4. Watching this made me very angry. It also reminded me of how I was hospitalized for my mental state after the break up with my spath exbf and told my story in the hospital and to doctors and therapists afterwards and not one ever suggested that I had been duped by a sociopath. Not until a couple more years of allowing him in and out of my life and finally having a friend suggest it and me googling and finding sites like this, did I realize. It seems so obvious once you know the definition of one and these people were supposed to have gone to school and know this! Hell, mine accused me of being a sociopath. Wish I had looked it up then since he was always guilty of the things he was accusing me of! That would have been a few less months of my life I would have wasted. I’m just really amazed that Dr. Phil can get away with this. It is all to sell his book. He’s grooming and using to make money off people. He needs to be exposed for the fraud he is!

  5. Hi Pos;

    You are absolutely correct in that there is no one who understands what it is like to have been on the Sociopath Merry-go-round. No that I mention it, mine said more than once that we were playing “ring around the rosie” once I pinned him down.

    I hope that Dr. Phil will take some time and actually read you have written and then look at the responses. Functional sociopaths are not the psychopaths portrayed on TV and in the movies. They look, move, and act just like the rest of us. It’s what goes on in their heads, their ability to dupe people into believing they are sincere, and then deriving pleasure from ruining you that make them dangerous. And the really sad thing is that they can clean you out, and it’s not illegal – it was just part of a “relationship”.

    Thanks again for everything you do and providing a forum where those of us who have been through this can be understood and find support.


  6. hey PG,

    I watched this video….

    I have been online dating for a few years now…..always ask for Skype when it comes to online dating, because from my personal experience I know pictures don’t mean anything when it comes to online dating, I always ask the guy to Skype me, and not just that, I make sure the audio matches the video so you know its a live conversation from their end because there are scammers who can fake a Skype call !!!!

    Skype is free and everyone can use it now a days.

  7. dr. Phil’s show failed to include the online con artists who we do end up meeting and spending time with .

    because the same things happened to me except, that I did meet my con artist in the flesh and spent time with him.

  8. Angela–
    Ditto ,met mine in the flesh for 8-9 months ( probably around 40 dates — and a few lengthy breaks as I was trying to figure out what wasn’t making sense- not only that but I was super blindsided as I met him on a faith based site , he was local & he went to some length to mirror my faith practice which added another layer of pure deception at the heart–online in addition to faith based– provides the perfect ground for him, he knew my value system & assessed my profile & posts & also interesting is that he had the oldest profile # , not even close to any other members AND when things went south I posted very discreetly not using any name etc, that the ladies should be aware of Socios using faith in general since many previously posted about deception & road to no where cyber dates– I posted link to this site ( the post about using religion) so many ladies were responding to each other in the thread, I posted right before I pulled my profile & cancelled my sub. A friend contacted me & told me that the site pulled many of the posts by other ladies as well as some of the links & concerns I posted – there was nothing incriminating– just a reality check & gentle warning that online dating has its own dangers that can be subtle or not. I think sociopaths run some of these sites– it’s near impossible to contact customer service– it’s a huge money maker– and as far as I am concerned more of a scam filled with scammers. It’s over saturated now with little to no filtering — i think it just creates fantasy/ projection & window shoppers. Who knows how many fake profiles they may even use to make site seem more active /attractive etc– I do know people who have met and married, for me I prefer to stick to the old fashioned, genuine & relational organic way–I’ve learned my lesson the hard way– predators love online crap. No thanks. I will say though that having genuine, sincere faith eventually exposed the devil for who he really is– and protected me. So in the end my faith got stronger, though initially it was the most painful ploy he used– I felt so vulnerable & disillusioned.

    I agree about video, but also never liked Dr Phil or gave much credence to his show/counseling style- it seems exploitive to me– but i dont watch tv in general– i find it generally repulsive. Butthere are plenty of people who eat it up– and who like to watch other people’s misfortune or drama– clearly a sociopathic culture– I can’t help but wonder if calling out sociopaths would hurt his ratings–sorry to say catfish & victim blaming is probably better for ratings??!! Regardless, as mentioned the culture in general is getting more sociopathic– people are being duped to think its normal or doesn’t exist

    God, have Mercy. And Pos keep up the good work, exposing lies & soc — so those of us that care can heal & protect ourselves. Regardless of so called experts who make living as tv personalities & more good comes from regular folks reaching out to each other, creating community— and encouraging the road to recovery– not for self promotion– but for making us that higher love, oh oh ;) EL

    Right on Pos for noticing vid and responding with concern!

    1. I agree with you Empathic Love.

      Felt really sorry for the girl who cut herself though. It’s like dr. phil was humiliating these girls in front of a huge crowd and that’s not what a doctor should do given their emotional and mental situation. How is making a mockery of them going to help them??? Lol

      And p.s- he sounds a lot like Donald trump haha

      1. I felt sorry for her too. When I watched the other video that CR put up, I was more alarmed as it is quite clear that he understands what sociopathy is. So why?

    2. I agree with what you have expressed here with my whole heart. Phil plugged his son’s company and their book repeatedly. He exposed those poor women in order to sell his book, a self-proclaimed full protection recipe for we stupid viewers. AND you can only buy it from one company, & audience has a copy under their chairs. It takes a sociopath to know a sociopath. Bugger off, “Dr.” Phil, along with your bully pulpit called reality tv show entertainment, or whatever it is (another Oprah money maker that is past its relevance).

  9. Ps

    Online dating also is prime grooming, love bombing & assessment ground— these are all areas of expertise as we all found out — for the soc. Soc can monitor our online time, have 3 million sources of supply ( as these ladies found out) send off a million over the top crafty & creative emails, correspondence etc– AND if you are LDR you really have to be on your toes– meeting in person ASAP is key — or else red flag– all to be taken with a grain of salt– the arena is prime for words/actions not jiving & secret double triple or no life!! Ill keep it local & real, thanks!

  10. Cher, I completely agree with your outlook on Dr. Phill. He bullies, or as he puts it “grooms” his guests into believing that he “knows”… Here is a link to another Dr. Phill episode. The first half is disturbing to watch Dr. Phill bully this girl. He twists her words around so that he can have a show. The young lady in the first segment is an intelligent woman and I believe demonstrates an understanding that she was psychologically unwell when she did the things that she ended up going to jail for, but he badgers her anyway. Truly, I was so disgusted with Dr. Phill’s treatment of this girl distracted me from the absurdly reckless behavior. Luckily, she is able to detect that he is bullying her and depict her in a particular way and she attempts to stick up for herself. But, I’m sure most people will, in the end simply see her as a loon despite her efforts to demonstrate that her psychological health has improved. It is a small chunk of information to make an assessment from, but the first guest although she clearly has been severely disturbed psychologically does not seem like a sociopath…. – During the second half of the show I have trouble determining if the author of “the Sociopath Next Door” or Dr. Phill is more disturbing to watch and listen to.


    1. This video (that I admit I had avoided as it was about abduction of a baby) – and the date for me today.

      But this video…. makes the other video even worse. So, he KNOWS about sociopathy. He would have known that those three women had encountered a female sociopath (in the video in this post) – yet – he never mentioned this at all, instead he goes on about this catfish – and promoting his own book and his own thought process.

      I agree with you CR – and to be honest all that I can say is WOW….

      The second one didn’t write the sociopath next door, that was Martha Stout, this is M E Thomas who runs sociopath world blog and wrote confessions of a sociopath.

      This episode though – does make the original video post more disturbing. So, he knows what a sociopath is? But he deliberately didn’t tell those women this? Instead he promoted his book – and went on about ‘catfish’…. alarming I think, from a doctor.

    2. CR, I agree with you. I just watched it then and he was really trying to discredit her as a sociopath. But he was doing it as if he was a sociopath himself. why? I actually give credit to ME for not letting him get under her skin as he was trying to do. His whole body language was shut down. He barely looked up, his arms were crossed. I think the whole interview did nothing about educating people on who they are and what they can do and how they manipulate you. Once again Dr Phil fell completely short. I have never watched him before these two clips were put up and I never will again. He is no better than Jerry Springer. Worse, because he is pretending to be the be all and end all of societal problems. Ugh! he makes me madddddddd!!!!!

  11. This video made me sad and angry. Its attitude like that that caused so many of us for suffer in silence for so long. Thinking we did something wrong or that we were stupid in being conned by these sociopaths. I really am utterly grateful for this site. But it makes me sad to think that women who watched that episode will probably again choose to be quiet as a result. The soc in their lives telling them both directly and indirectly that they are stupid and a big doctor reiterating it. Where is the light for those women??

      1. I agree there PG, there’s been many a time on this site I wished there was a ” like” button available.
        It’s good you’ve highlighted and challenged the way this so called doctor portrays the very serious subject of sociopathy, even going as far as renaming it for his own self gain. He made light of a very serious issue and I feel he really belittled the damage and devastation caused to those poor women and to many others too.
        Luckily there’s people like yourself who really do care and are not there for self gain, who are bringing about a greater awareness and understanding of sociopaths and how they operate. Like you mentioned, your site is top of the google search engine, so the knowledge you kindly share is getting out there. :)
        @ It is done, I noted your comment had been posted on that site and no more followed after, I think you said it all there. :)

    1. Cammy and all,
      I wonder if what cammy said is exactly what dr phil wants. For us victims/survivors/winners to go back in our hole of dispair and embarassent so that we don’t Out the sociopaths and make it harder for them to function. Everyone knows there are online predators, but the way he made them look so dumb and useless would halt others coming forward. What an arse. Ugh! Why would he do that? yes for money snd self promotion but at the expense of reality? At the expense of many men and women victims health? I wonder if he is a sociopath.

  12. I haven’t watche the video yet, but will. I wanted to add that last summer, I want to say, Dr. Phil did a show with Oprah on her network (O) for one of his new books. The show was basically warning people of takers (I want to say is what he called them—now I’m going to Google it). He basically layed the foundation for sociopaths but NEVER used the terminology! Like you, I was sitting there wondering why he never used the correct label for what he was describing. I understand he may want to make a connection for “normal” folks (ie. non-psychologists) to relate to, but it would have helped if he had mentioned that it was sociopathic behavior that he was describing.

    Ratings do drive his types to do what they do in spite of the evidence pointing towards sociopathy. Catfish has become a popular term and I guess he finally found a chance to use it.

      1. Ok, DUH. Just watched it and originally I thought he had filmed this show before his Oprah show. It’s just a marketing scheme. He is trying to market his term “BAITER” to substitute for sociopaths in order to sell books, plain and simple. Shame on you Dr. Phil!!! It’s one thing to educate, but to market it as something “new”…ugh….

      2. Thank you! You are correct!!!
        he called Sociopaths BAITERS.
        He called people ONLINE who are misrepresenting their identity catfish. Thank you for your clarification!

      3. They are sociopaths. Why use a different name because it’s online sociopathy? I think its difficult enough to understand. A sociopath should be labelled as one. The more examples people can see the more understanding there will be. Otherwise the’re will be confusion.

  13. Okay, first of all I always disliked Dr Phil – when Oprah first brought him out and endorsed him, he was fake nice then when he got his own show, I thought he quickly became mean, cruel and rude, covering it by saying “I am just being honest”, yeah what a crock! So the fact he is acting like this is of no surprise. I don’t want to watch the video, I’ll just dislike him more. 😡. What happen to Phil Donahue?

    1. What happened to Jerry Springer?

      I always liked Jerrys final ‘thought of the day’ – some of them always stayed in my mind.

      One when it was about cheating ‘and remember, someone else cannot get in your relationship, unless you leave the door open’

      1. @PG – lol Really!
        “someone else cannot get into the relationship unless you leave the door open”

        That’s cute.

        I always shut the door and put the dead bolt on, not my fault he was sneaking out the window?

        Now I wish I bought myself the two story, maybe he would of fell out the window! Hmmp!

        Yes, today I am a bit snippy!


      2. Ah not YOU…… the other person when they say ‘oh it happened cos they came onto me’…..he would always say – well it would never had happened if you hadn’t left the door open (when the other person is saying that it only happened because the other person came onto them, nothing to do with them).

      3. hahaha…. yeah just like that. It was directed towards the person who went ‘er…. well it wasn’t my fault, she came onto me, while I was at work’…… and Jerry would say ‘listen people, someone can’t get their foot in the door, unless you leave it open’…. (meaning, actually its bullshit, you invited them in)…

  14. I kind of appreciate his light-heartedness. I understand how it can be perceived as criticism toward the girls, making them out to be stupid. I hope he didn’t mean it like that. I did feel, though, that some of it was making fun of the socio – like the “hurt finger.” Like the socio was lame for having such a lame excuse. I don’t know, that was how it felt to me and I kind of like that the socio was made out to be such a dunce. I appreciate any opportunity to laugh AT them these days. But I definitely see how it could be perceived as mocking the women for “believing it.” And that is not cool. I hope he meant it differently and the women were made to feel understood and esteemed in their experience there. Even if we actually get to see just a small portion of it. I was duped in my experience. And I am not a stupid lady. They aren’t either.

  15. Not a chance in hell I am watching this video. I am not in a good place and it will only royally piss me off.. as I have watched my mental health, my trust, and my physical appearance waste away in the last year. My therapist reminds me often that people out there in the world that are “trained” are not always able to separate their bias from their profession and often pretend like “Common sense” is what most women need. F’ all that nonsense. Common sense was there but love has a tendency to trump that because its an EMOTION. Clearly, we should have all just known better……. ugh

  16. Essentially, “Dr” Phil managed to do what the sociopath does. He managed to make the questioners suspicious and “wrong”, the victim “stupid and gullible”, and himself “ever so wise”.
    This is exactly how I at times felt with my ex the socio/psycho path.

  17. I distinctly remember watching this with my dad when it was first aired. He made a comment like, “well of course that is the type of guy you’d meet online!” I secretly felt offended, but it slipped away in just moments. I am not “receiving” what he or Dr Phil said. They have no clue, so I can’t find fault. Of course Dr Phil should have gained more adequate knowledge to get such a prestigious degree. If he has no expertise on what is clearly psychopathic in nature, he should not run a show about it and call it something else.

    I “let go” of what was said. We can meet psycopaths ANYWHERE. Library, restaurant, social club, or even church for that matter. Educated and non-educated, it frankly doesn’t matter. I am not holding onto anymore negative energy, (I have plenty from my spath). I do not need their approval and understanding. I need God’s love and support. You are all important to me too ;)

    1. No…. the point is he DOES know what sociopathy is. And appears to understand it very well.Someone posted another video link on here, where he is interviewing one (I dont think she is) female sociopath – and ME Thomas. He knows what sociopathy is. So it isn’t ignorance, or lack of understanding. He just deliberately chose to call it another name?

      1. I do not understand why he did this. He is supposed to help, yet it’s like he was protecting the spath community instead. Very interesting!

      2. No, i think she was a victim to a sociopath herself. Or a narc. The pattern of

        – She had been isolated
        – He owed her thousands and wouldn’t give it back
        – She felt worthless
        – She needed the money back
        – He used the law to control her (as he had something on her)…

        While her actions were not rational – I think we all understand how crazy they can make you feel. Pulling your strings and messing with your mind. I thought – she was young – and she got into something that spiralled out of control. Young people sometimes do stupid things. I felt sorry for her, when the letter from her family member humiliating her was read out on tv.

      3. I totally agree with you PG, I actually think his ” fame’s ” gone to his head. He’s actually verging on arrogance in this video, towards this young woman, who clearly was manipulated in such a way that the situation did indeed spiral out of control and led to her irrational actions. Anyone who has been at the receiving end of a sociopath would clearly recognise this
        He actually contradicts himself that he uses certain sentences and statements to twist things. EG. He didn’t read out the full letter from relatives, only what he chose to read out, how did them statements sound in the bigger context of the actual full letter? The young woman also mentioned nothing about feeling that charges should be brought to anyone else, I don’t recall hearing anything like that? He also puts her down like she was a lesser being, because she rightly queried the aforementioned. What des that say about his persona?
        I’m not condoning her actions, but my belief is she was indeed a victim to a sociopath or narcissist and her resulting actions reflected the damaging effects that this can have on the mind and spirit.

  18. thanks for the other video #CR….I watched it, and it really proves just how arrogant, stubborn sociopaths are….these sociopaths are just self destructing losers, they think they are smart and know it all but they f*ck themselves in the end EVERYTIME

    M.E Thomas is a completely delusional one…I could tell that she just wanted to kill dr. phil whenever he was disagreeing and talking down to her. she put on a mask like she didn’t care, but deep inside she wanted to kill him lol

  19. Thank you Pos :) I have learned, healed & grown so much through your example & walking through this with shared experiences here– I’m in such a better place– and as your headline reads– the truth has been setting me free– I need to embrace, cherish the freedom by using what I know to set others free as you have done here. With such gratitude I have been starting my days & going forward one step & day at a time– the validation that you give & bring through this is the antithesis of what the culture, soc and Dr Phil’s/media/flaky counseling would have you believe. Thank God for the truth you bring–may the blessings abundantly shower you & all 7 x 70 fold?!! EL. God’s will be done ;)

  20. Seriously, there is no sympathy or empathy what-so-ever in this example. People really do not comprehend the how psychologically violated victims can feel. I felt like I witnessed the badgering of a rape victim. There is a tremendous amount of ignorance on the topic. Luckily there are beacons of light, like this site. All we can do is try to educate people the best we can.

  21. “I was one of those that wondered how people could be so gullible and wondered how people stay in abusive relationships. But then I was caught by a sociopath. Now I understand. All those idiots that think it could never happen to them have no idea how easily it could happen to them. I’m a very intelligent, strong, big career , independent woman but the soc got me! Oh he had to be subtle and patient and after 20 months he gave up as it was too hard, but he still got me fooled for 20 months.”

    IID, I found this in one of your post above, and it is so true. As an intelligent, independent and strong woman I never understood why women staid, or went back to, these abusive relationships. I do get it now.

    There is nothing, NOTHING, we could have done, or said, that would have changed the outcome of these relationships. It is not our fault. We believed, we trusted.

    1. @carmen

      I believe the more successful you are as a victim (male or female), the more attractive you become as prey. It’s a game, the NS finds out what your weakness is and uses it against you. And your absolutely right, no one is stupid. Your just a victim, I seen a NS, prey on a church, they never saw it coming. Even warned them. Ignored. When they left, then they understood. So no one is exempt. And it’s not lack of intelligence. It’s a person desire to be loved and accepted, which becomes a weapon against them.

      1. hey normalisboringsoiheard,
        I think you hit the nail on the head. The more independent, the stronger, more successful and intelligent we are, the more of a welcome challenge we are to the sociopath.
        “Breaking” a strong, smart woman is just another welcome achievement for him. A sociopath loves a good challenge, and he will gather all the information he needs to break us.

        Maybe one of our weaknesses is to trust too easily and fully. I know I did that with mine.

      2. @Carmen

        Well I believe it’s probably worse for men actually. To have their entire world be taken by the perceived love of a women? Especially very wealthy powerful men? For women, we are considered “the weaker emotional species” of course a man can take advantage of us. But a man should know better, blah, blah. Which is another thing I was irked about with “Dr.” Phil, why did he have only women victims on his panel? Surely there was a man who he could get up there to promote his book, and his sons publishing co. and whatever else he was peddling. It’s not a gender issue. NS’s do not care, if anyone has something they want, they will find a way to get it, with doing a minimal amount of work, regardless of whose feelings are hurt, so they can have it. Then the person will become useless.

      3. Hi Norm;

        I can agree that for a man (especially a successful man) to be duped, it must really be an ego-buster.

        However, from my strictly girl-y perspective, I struggled from the time I entered college. I was told I couldn’t get into the school I wanted because they had to meet minority quotas (Yeah, I’m older and this was in the affirmative action heyday). But I worked hard, kept at it and when I met my SP I had a great job, cadillac benefits, corporate expense card, traveled all over the US and made significant bank all while competing with the guys.

        And in 10 years, it’s all gone. I do blame myself because I did stupid things like letting him handle the banking and didn’t know I was broke until it was too late. Now, because I am older, I can’t get an employer to look at me, I’m unemployed and flat broke. I can’t even qualify for unemployment because for the last 3 years of our marriage I worked with him on his “business” and all the income was reported under his SSN.

        So.. I’m not trying to be contrary or argumentative, but I think that men and women might react differently to being manipulated by a SP, but I don’t think it’s worse one way or the other.
        <3 Celeste

      4. @Celeste

        On a personal level, I don’t disagree with you either. I had a child at 16 and 18, worked my butt off, by the time I was 23 I owned my own house have a good state paying job benefits, retirement, etc etc. Met NS 2 years later, 2 kids later ….. By 11/2007 he was set to destroy me in every way possible, and if I could die even better, so I still breathe, 😊 much to his dismay! I have had to be put off duty due to nerve and spinal injuries C5 -C7 (Parts of it were missing, I worked so hard). He says it’s because I am lazy, and living off of him. Oh okay. I just laugh. Why would someone get so angry over another persons who is injured, and they had to cut their throat open to fix? I think what is most upsetting is working and working, and then having everyone steal your things and selling your house, it like hey it’s my stuff! Then one day 7 years later you look around and your like wow I barely left with the clothes on my back.

      5. @pos

        The worst was when -my mom took the kids all my furniture food everything, and left all the expired crap in the cupboards, I just had to sit there and cry.

        I was confused, I had procedure done today to elevate pain. So I have meds. Working a bit better than normal – whooo hoo!

      6. Wtf omg!! That is an awful thing to happen and from your mum too!! Wow. I am so pleased if pain relief is working for you. I can so relate to that right now.

      7. @PG and Celeste

        Lol, I looked back at what I wrote yesterday, umm I probably shouldn’t have been talking to anyone. Lol, on strong pain meds. But I was being honest and at least I made sense, (kinda) with minimal spelling errors. Yes, my mother is not a very nice person, I see her sociopath traits, now. As far as my my ex, my mother, her boyfriend, kid 1 and kid 2, were all working together to isolate me. Funny now my ex has isolated them. He has discarded them, they have no value to him, like Kleenex, used and now in the trash.

      8. @Celeste

        The sad thing regarding my clothing situation is over the years especially the last 3, I have lost so much weight, none of my beautiful clothes fit me, so I have been reduced to free, thrift shop, or garage sale. So even there he got me. You know some of us are stress eaters or stress starvers, I fall into the second category. So even there I allowed him to “get” me, I still have me shoes and handbag collection, THANK GOD! Lol.

      9. HI Norm;

        Nothing is left but the clothes on your back and they find a reason to NEED them as well!! Then has the absolute audacity to tell you they still feel responsible for you?!?! Really? Responsible for me = I need to get close enough to see if I left anything behind. =/~

        I hope your back is doing better!


      10. @celeste

        My spine thing – it’s in the “healing” stage – it hurts worse than before. Dang it!! Should be better in a few days crossing my fingers, thank god I have no where to be, 3 quadrants left, they started on the side which hurt the least, good lord! I am excited I hope hope and pray it works!

      11. @celeste

        Omg – my ex is 6’4 – “healthy” man – not too fat not skinny (beer belly). I am 5ft – I wear sz 0 in Hollister, if he “wants” the clothes off my back to give to his girlfriend who is quite larger than I (double me). I would be quite interesting. Infact he said one day, “I wish I was half the women she is?”. Took everything I had to answer. ” I don’t have to wish, I am!” . I took the high road, thanked him for filling my day with joy, wished him the same. He will never get it, so why bother to be mad.


  22. FYI interview was a bust, no benefits or salary, just per client– still glad I got all gussied — hair cut yesterday, manicure, new accessories — hair guy made my day yesterday- showed up for me, and this first interview — but it really is concerning- –that jobs are going PT so they don’t have to cover w insurance :( I’m glad I went, but a tad disappointed with grad degree, loans & job search/economy– back in action for all intensive purpose though ;) every day is a gift, doors are opening–God is good

    1. Ooh I love dress up days!! You should dress up for you every day! I had a you girl in a drug store tell me, I like your outfit, do you work? I said no, I just like to dress nice everyday, you never know who your going to met who might change your life! She laughed and said true. Plus it makes me feel pretty! Who wants to be in their bathrobe every day, eeww!

      Sorry interview was poo, if you want benefits and retirement and such, I would look into government positions, this is where your benefits packages are. Private businesses are not wanting to pay for any thing they don’t have to.


      1. Nibsih,

        I am also a dress girl & dressier lady. I am usually in heels, love femme dresses & skirts– for interview turn on the polish– which is really acting for me -as I’m a bit more free spirited in style than coiffed in personal life — but for counseling need more conservative, simple & blank slate approach– warm but collected not as spirited, passionate & playful! I had peek a boo bangs– but cut them short and over eye– less flirty. Playing with style & appearance is our perogative and such a joy to express different parts of ourselves.

        Regarding you never know: my mother always said never leave the house without your lipstick on! It brightens everyone’s day ;) My mom is Italian and always wore a pretty shade of true red or rose pink– to this day even with health deteriorating her lips are naturally full as ever, no wrinkles, and she has me put a little lip & cheek on her– it does brighten her & everyone else– her smile & grace is amazing.

        I like feeling like & being treated like a lady — living like one also. Thank God, because the soc was mirroring, had I not — his behavior could have been much worse– he tried to mirror a gentleman and pulled it off to some degree– but then we know the devil also comes as a gentleman.. So there you go— I will still be a lady just a much savvier one. Remember: lipstick, don’t leave home without it!

      2. @EL

        Oh my – I have to laugh. As you and I are very much alike. The NS was unable to mirror, the gentlemen I desired so what does my idiot self do, he comes to me with this tale of woe, of a horrid street life, oh I teach him how to be gentlemen persona, for him which he is now able to emulate. YAY ME! Lol! Can I kick myself now! What a dummy I am!!! I must be way older than you. I need sunglasses too! Red lipstick and sunglasses. Everyday, how I take my kids to school in my bathrobe.

      3. @EL
        Also, your mother is lovely, how wonderful to have these memories from your youth. It’s too bad people are not still implementing them in their children. This is how great stories as the one you shared with me get handed down. Saddens me.

  23. I watched his interview with ME and was bad…. clearly he has no clue about what being a sociopath means, was bad. He acted superior when he clearly had/has no clue, he expects to catch the sociopathic behaviour in seconds when for victims, and smart victims, takes years to comprehend….It is, probably besides when I lost my father at 17 the most intense and painful experience of my entire life, loving with all my heart a person unable to receive any help, dealing with a sociopath…There is so much knowledge to acquire before you can deal with such a thing openly.,,, I think only me and you can understand that….all of you who had a similar experience, only us, all of us, victims can see…why is that? why it’s so hard to see through our pain?

  24. I watched his interview with ME and was bad…. clearly he has no clue about what being a sociopath means, was just bad. He acted superior when he clearly has/had no clue, he expects to catch the sociopathic behaviour in seconds when for victims, and smart victims, takes years to comprehend that something IS WRONG….It is, probably besides when I lost my father at 17 the most intense and painful experience of my entire life, loving with all my heart a person unable to receive any help, none of my love, dealing with a sociopath…There is so much knowledge to acquire before you can deal with such a thing openly, so much to go through before you even have a clue what’s wrong, what’s off.,,, I think only me and you can understand that….all of you who had a similar experience, only us, all of us, victims can see…why is that?

  25. @pos Hey I know you mentioned that one of your major goals this year was to create further awareness on PTSD. I was looking around on the blog and couldn’t find anything on the topic. Have you published anything on here yet and how it pertains to spaths?

    1. Bunny,

      I love that you found this little ninja guy and narc/spath vid — it’s true & pokes fun at the ridiculous & absurd truth– makes it a bit easier for me to digest the hard truth while recognizing how foolish they really are. Thank You & sounds like you are doing better one day at a time ;) peace be with you BG! EL

      1. Hey EL :)

        I miss talking with you. I haven’t been here as much these past couple weeks. It would be great if everyone here would watch the spath video with the animated girl. She is bold. It really makes me see even clearer still.

        One thing that has changed my tune lately is thinking about all of the sneaky sex the spath had with women (and men). I am GROSSED OUT just thinking about it. I wish everyone could try this. Gross yourself out over what these creatures really did and are still doing. For me personally, thinking of all of this makes me move on even further with recovery. Just wanted to share that with you. I want you healed ASAP! :)

  26. Whenever I want someone to hang out with or want someone to talk to, it is always him. I wish there was a button to turn that off. At my head level, I do not want to let that person have any involvement in my personal life. At my heart level, however – which is a few floors lower, down in the subbasement, where there are no clearly marked enter or exit signs – all I want is his physical and emotional company. I guess we want what is familiar to us when we are scared and lonely.

    Anybody got one of those buttons??? :)

    1. @Carrie

      Hmm, I think in the beginning I did, but it was because we had children together. But when I found out what he was really doing, I was like, oh hell no!

      Have you been doing things for yourself? Such as trying to go out and meet people? Not as love interests just people. Starting up the things you were interested in, before you meet NS? Speaking from personal experience? I had to go, heal my self up first, then go and re-enter the world, doing things NS had isolated me from doing! Jerk! For instance, I like scrap booking I go take classes (don’t judge, 😝), I have a long list of crap of I want to do!

      But there are things, even still which trigger sadness, I dislike receiving photo Xmas cards, the last great Xmas I had was 04, with the Xmas card. It’s no ones fault, it just really grips my heart. Not because I want him back but because he ruined our lives, with his lies, deception and cruelty.


    2. Carrie,

      I was waiting for that button for awhile…lol. What helped me immensely was WEANING OFF of him without his knowledge. I cancelled dates (thinking about all the girls and guys he sleeps with, lies, gaslighting, doll collection on his cell phone). I grossed myself out by facing the truth. He is disgusting. I answered his texts a LOT LESS.

      I was severely ADDICTED to him, especially physically, but everything else was UGLY. Do not confuse physical enjoyment with “wanting to stay”. Possibly, I suspect you just miss what people do together in general. Just a thought. Even I got well, so anyone here can do it. I swear. I beg you and everyone here…wean yourself off of your spath SLOWLY. It’s working for me. Give it a try. We need to leave eventually anyway right?

  27. Whenever I want someone to hang out with or want someone to talk to, it is always him. I wish there was a button to turn that off. At my head level, I do not want to let that person have any involvement in my personal life. At my heart level, however – which is a few floors lower, down in the subbasement, where there are no clearly marked enter or exit signs – all I want is his physical and emotional company. I guess we want what is familiar to us when we are scared and lonely.

    Anybody got one of those buttons??? :)

    1. It will wear off. Practice practice. Your taste will eventually change, and as you become more aware of the reality of who he is and was to you, it will begin to repulse you.
      Re-train yourself (like with eating the right food) to like what is good for you, and eventually you will wonder how you ever wanted anything less.
      Make your own button xx

  28. 0migosh! Nibsih! The hovercraft!!! Last summer a friends brother ( they are in 40’s!)had one & was flying it over a hotel outside patio to “check” on his sunbathing girlfriend!! I didn’t even know it existed — crazy world we live in. I thought only in NY & NJ are we crazy like that lol ; ) it is freaky how much we are in view by satellites

    1. And isn’t the soc just like hovercrafts???lol crafty, expensive, all over your life, intrigue & alien but obvious too, operate remotely-then disappear?! With too much information….. They follow and show up as shiny mysterious objects

      1. Hmm, Yes in theory – not this hi-tech Brookestone one, with 25 pages of instructions, lol, (I think most NS wouldn’t bother). I was trying to catch NS violating his custody order, it was all in fun. We probably would of broke the hover thing in 10 mins, as we are adults, and a 10 year old usually operates these things so much better. Sigh, I am still trying to figure out the remote to the tv, (I got rid of cable for 3years, kids had bad grades), my iPhone and the iMac. Pray for me. No really. Which is why I didn’t buy it! Another toy I don’t know how to use, or break, I already have to call Apple today, so some smart person can walk me through my computer. Grrr! Kids froze me out again! I am so frustrated, thanks for my vent.


  29. I agree, Dr Phil doesn’t have first hand experience of what it is like to be conned by the sociopath. However, it is still helpful for targets in moving forward, to have better boundaries, and be more aware of the obvious red flags. I still, STILL get taken in by the guys with the wrong intentions, but get onto it a lot quicker now, due to noticing things like the ones Dr Phil is pointing out. This video would be better for Targets further down the track to watch. There is nothing wrong with a bit of truth telling, it’s completely necessary to protect people and women from these types. He has to say it like it is.

    1. Hi Simone, I think the problem that I had, was not about his advice, but that he was defining sociopathy as ‘catfish’ and someone could watch that, and think ‘that is what happened to me’ and look up catfish, and not get support? …. I don’t understand it either, as he knows what a sociopath is. It just seemed a plug for his book….

      1. Was it something to do with the name of the dating sight or the alias of one of the males in question? Yes I agree, it was not clear as far as channels for support.

      2. Some of my friends talk to me like this (the way Dr Phil is) when I tell them things that are happening to me with guys. They have never been through, and do not understand the whole sociopath thing, but they mean well, and their strong views help me so much to see things for what they are. I’ve dodged another 4 bullets at least.

  30. I think, most men have nature/nurture sociopathic tendencies. Most men are trained by other men, called Dad’s, (playing two roles at once. One devoted husband and two, eternal womanizer and all suffering from female “imposed monogamy” after they may have been the ones pushing for “ownership” not marriage as intended) and their behavior/attitudes to objectify women (or see them as prey to their needs) , to lie to women, to try and buy women, to act (get the act part?) superior to women, and that women who assert or care about themselves as PEOPLE, are bitches, and to get what they want (which is little to no self/personal MALE responsibility but to be totally self endulgent (where the labeling and use of women is concerned) Far, far too many men use the “I make the money” means of tyrants on the homefront so they “force” us to nag (after marriage of course) to get any of the promised and implied “support” or recriprocal love, teased at in courting ONLY.

    In short, they ALL seem to thrive on the ability to “fool, capture, conqueor, and bait and switch and then on to the next “victim” trained by societies “lables for us” women to acquiesce or to forever to be alone, unsupported and childless. (as it was for centuries, to not succumb or play “stupid” left us outcasts of society, ie burdens with no purpose).

    I personally, think we are seeing an increase in this male dominated hostility as more and more women make more money than men, find our strengths with cherished independance, and work to totally , dispell our former “slave/concubine” status and amazingly find ourselves to be Happy with such freedom from enslavement by men. What we are seeing is a last ditch effort by so many men to retain the “power” over women thinking at all.

    Most men I have met are “game players” of some sort. Always a victim, or waving their wallets (to compensate for lack of depth of personality?) to catch a woman, and then with multitudes of empty promises, including monogamy hope enslave her as his personal prostitute/house slave whore, that HE can blame for all his selfish, arrogant inadequacies. Many “pretend” to want marriage and children, only to spend EVERY possible opportunity escaping from both, ususally before the ink is even dry and the divorced and marrying again paperwork.

    The numerous negative lables regarding women in general attest to the verbal manipulations used to “train” women submissive demeanors, which are NOT in any females best interest.

    Tease, whore, ball breaker, golddigger, lesbo, little woman, “mommy” and loud mouth, bitch…well you get the picture. Just look at the negatives with so many lables for WOMEN, and not usually the same counterpart “lables” for men.. Cleary there is no fury like a woman scorned…should she apply the equalivant lableing towards a male. Hmmm We need to clear up this “man down” treatment of women in general or as we all are manipulated by the “labeling” and the nice girls expectations. Nice girls are treated badly, unless of course making nice, means you don’t protest being USED.

    1. While I respect your opinion, I don’t agree that all men have sociopathic behaviour traits. I have dated men who didn’t manipulate lie and deceive. Or even remotely consider doing some of the most appalling things that a sociopath can do without conscience. Difference everyone is capable of being an asshole should they choose. But most non socio s would feel bad about this.

    2. @Mitzy

      I agree with you, I must say I am not even sure are there any men that are monogamous and honest. Even the ones that seems so, when you scratch under or investigate you can only find out unpleasant/ immoral things about them, at least that was my experience. I agree that society has made “standards” that if you are not married, have children, then you “missed” on life. More and more I think that is a bullshit, made to successfully make women rush to fulfill that “standards” and make themselves miserable, disrespected and all that while pursuing even subconsciously “I must get married, have children, have relationship, have love and respect from monogamous, honest man”, and then so many women stay miserable in that marriages terrified of their status if they stay without that marriage and by then usually get children for which they must care and try to keep the family for children’s sake too. Today women less and less take that shit from men, and that is a good thing. It’s evolution. I know many good looking, smart, honest, nice women that didn’t “manage” to get married or didn’t want to agree to ‘not real’ thing (depends how you look at it) and on the other hand, so many irresponsible, ignorant, primitive young women, with drug addictions etc. having children and they are not capable of raising them… so many children today with autism, attention deficit disorder etc. I think in future, if we want to keep the human race, the reproduction of humans will have to be planned and that “standards” will change because they will not have their purpose any more. Woman’s meaning of life will not be having man, love and children, it will be more expanded from that narrow view in my opinion. But, all in its time.

  31. The reason there are so many “catfish” women, and it is that so many men/sociopaths in training hover near the bottom in their behavior.
    Agreed victim bashing going on here. Clearly.

    The bigger question should be what passed on “training” of females in a male dominated world (still is in so many ways) adds to this tendency for women to be USED and pretend to like it without protest or get ANOTHER lable , more abuse in court, and the full wrath of what far too many men get away with in their treatment of women (and chldren) that for far too long as been the “lot” of the worlds primarily responsible, caregiving role oriented women.

    The reminders that we have no real rights as “thinking women” is rampant in the family courts, the business world, the sexist society we are all bombarded with as the NORM.

    We are just now learning how to care for self, in ALL ways, and far too many men (supposedly good ones) punish all women and many children from escaping the sterotypes that so far have only benefited males.,

    Dr. Phil is a male and he is the worlds greatest for victim bashing of women while NOT addressing the male “guilt or selfish manipulations or society okayed tyrany”, and or even attempting at investigating the downfall of a society that allows him and other like minded males, to get away with it.

    He, Dr. Phil, too often just supposes these are just “men who lost their way” on his shows, with NO accountibility how society in general has all the “excuses” for this horrible treatment of ALL women (and use of their children to control and enslave) or why so many allow this to continue.

    I do not care how smart, or independant, or savy you are as a woman, far too many “institutions” are still geared toward male privlege.

    Just ask any divorcing woman (the hardest hit when children are small and dependant) or they are old, used up and waiting for the pay off after years of backseat importance, about this in a still male dominated judicial system.

    We are, as a rule, sent back to the terror of male dominance, should we be smart enough to get away from male domination bordering or or clearly abusive, by being told our CHILDREN have to spend time with the abusers. Why, because all children need fathers? NOT

    All fathers need to be good men, and lose the self indulgence, as putting self first and threatening childrens stability and rights to trouble free existances or free from such abuse, is the worst type of father. Period.

  32. If you just LOOK at how many men wriggle, squirm, lie, cheat and steal and actually self harm to NOT pay child support, and pdq lie, cheat and steal to capture another woman to “be on their side” against the former woman he lied to and then they sally forth to create MORE offspring, and become serial homewreckers, and dump their “problems” on society (ie a whole network of institutions trying to make “men” out of them by FORCED collection of support) and insisting they get rights whether they pay or not equal to women, NOT behaving this way, and you have your answer as to what is WRONG in our society. Time to stop “woman bashing” and fix and retrain MEN.

  33. Some stupids are holding women accountable for “high divorice rates” while totally overlooking the two timing cowardice of men. Unreal, they are all bottom feeders if we allow this “woman bashing/training” to become our norm, sadly it is.

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