About Me

This blog comes from a life that has been a real journey of learning and discovery. I live in the UK, I spent my life, in the real world, working with statutory homeless people. I worked daily with drugs, alcohol, mental health, domestic violence, prolific offenders, prostitutes, young people leaving care, asylum seekers from war torn countries, to name but a few.  Of course, working with the issues that come from this too.  I have worked in this field for over 25 years.

I have a BA Hons. In Housing and Development, so I am not a writer. despite this time at uni, i still returned to working with homeless people, and networking with other agencies.  Following on from this I completed studies at University in Counselling. I also have a qualification in psychology.

Coming from a background working with people with complex needs, I try to write in a way that is down to earth and easy to understand. It complicated enough having been  with a sociopath, as they are prolific liars and masters of deception, so I try to write in a way that is easy to understand.

Work that is on this blog, is copyright to the author. All works are copyrighted and all rights reserved.

I am not a writer. Everything that is written here, has been as a result of the life that i have led, either relationships, spiritual understanding, professional experience, academic understanding, and just common sense! – Probably most importantly, when it comes to healing and recovery, KNOWING what works to help, heal and recover people, tried, tested and practiced for most of my life working with people 1-1 in the real world.

 I truly believe that the truth will set you free. Once you know the truth, you can’t really fully return. I did try though!!  And this too was an experience. The sociopath even if they care about you, the most that they can possibly do, they cannot change. The outcome will sadly always be the same.

If you have been affected by a sociopath, don’t give up hope. There are millions of victims  survivors throughout the world. Spreading the truth, survivors can support  and help to heal each other.

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  1. spartangirl says:

    Thank you so much – your blog helps make sense of the impossible. I’m still reeling and trying to re-build my life, luckily I have a wonderful support network of kindness which has been highlighted even more through this ordeal.

    The web of lies are still surfacing, he just couldn’t tell the truth about anything. The phone calls he had that must have been with himself?! Setting third parties up to unknowingly collaborate the lies… then he wanted to spend more time with me so faked freelance contracts and paperwork so I would leave my job. He really had no sense of shame or consequence, even when he exited (very early in the morning) he still lied about having not left.

    I broke all contact – the last communication that got through was a text – he said ‘I will always love you’. But he can’t and there lies the tragedy, as I will always be able to love and always be able to show others kindness.

    I’ve cried every day for months – a little less each time. The pain of betrayal is so deep… I hope everyone who had been affected will find answers in these pages. So thank you again for your time and dedication x

    • positivagirl says:

      Yes I went through the phone calls in front of me to make his lies believable that was a favourite of his. Oh yes the I will always love you….. Yeah they don’t know the meaning of love. Thank you for your comment.

      • DyingLove says:

        …..and they have no remorse it seems, about turning “always” and “forever” just into meaningless words that mock the feelings that are usually associated with them (love). So sad.

  2. jayrbee says:

    Thanks for your blog and helping to bring together a sadly large group of people. It’s hard for people who have never dealt with a high functioning sociopath to truly understand the nightmare they can leave behind.

  3. faith says:

    Hi, makes me fill up when I hear all these comments hurts so much how these people just want to destroy everything good, its so sad.

    Do you think sociopaths really want to change and have a normal life ? Cos mine use to say this a lot I wish I was normal ,why am I like this I just want us to have a normal life . I thought he was normal except for his depression as this interfered with his life but now am not even sure he really had depression

    • Moya says:

      Hi, Faith. It’s so hard to say what their intentions are and what the truth is. My ex also has dissociative identity disorder, which compounds the whole sociopath thing. In fact, some of her personalities had quite a lot of empathy, whilst others would drown their own child if it meant some vodka, money and a good lay. It’s mind-boggling to say the least.

  4. faith says:

    Thank you positivagirl,
    I look forward so much to that day when I get it back start living again. It hurts so much these sociopaths are getting on with there happy lives without a care for us, they always seem to get away with everything they just move on its so unfair, they don’t deserve happiness ever !

    • positivagirl says:

      Faith but the truth is they are NOT happy, they are never happy. Were you happy when you were with him? I wasn’t happy I was brainwashed and controlled. They do not have the ability to experience joy like we do. They do not have the ability to love like we do. They are impoverished souls. All that he has done has moved business elsewhere. it is an illusion that he is happy If they were happy then they wouldn’t come back and contact old sources of supply when they run out. They are like headless chickens constantly moving onto something new, as they destroy what was old in their life. They do this because they are destroyed from the inside. Believe me he isn’t happy, but YOU do have the ability to be happy. Happiness comes from within…. it really does. When you find this, nobody else can take it away from you x

      • Moya says:

        Well said, Positivagirl! It’s like they’re playing the “role” of happy, but it’s just a character; an illusion. However, I also know that the illusion hurts and when those you love buy into it, it can be very painful and frustrating.

      • positivagirl says:

        Absolutely its all an illusion. They were playing the con man and the illusion when they were with you, and they are doing the same now. there is no happy for they cannot be happy. they are too angry inside! :)

      • my sociopath told me many times that he’s just counting his days here in this dimension…waiting to go back home; I felt his pain, since he knew that he’s destroyed inside – he said that he can turn off/on his emotions whenever he wants (which seems now that those actually are not real emotions as we experience it)
        when he would ‘admit’ that would drag me back into that ring of fire…till I said stop; we can do that – we can control ourselves, the difference is that each one of us has a different threshold and how much we can and we’re willing to take before we can’t go on any longer

  5. faith says:

    Yes you are right positivagirl thank you .

    Yes , I was only happy at the beginning then it became a struggle your right (walking on eggshells) you just think because they have moved on there happy now but as you say , all the time he has been with this other woman he was still hanging onto me and someone else .
    Your so right that’s not happiness! Mine did say once after we split am lost in the world, I destroy everything good you don’t deserve to live lie your better off without me and my changing mind . And I am, we are all better off without them . Just wish we never had to encounter them in the first place .
    But hopefully we will all come out of this stronger , happier and wiser .

    Thank you positivagirl and moya am going to start to love me again !

    • positivagirl says:

      Ah you should do, as really it is just the way that he is, it is no reflection on you. I know that I returned so I had already done some grieving in the first place – so I was partially healed. But this time, the healing was a lot quicker. We had taken the relationship as far as it could go. it was really OVER. So that helped. It still took some time to undo the brainwashing. That is going though bit by bit. today I feel happy healthy and well. Life is returning to normal. He will never be happy believe me, neither he or his new woman has anything you don’t have. She especially doesn’t she has all his drama and crap stress – and it wont get better…… you have your freedom and can meet whomever you want to meet

  6. faith says:

    Am happy that you are in a more positive place now and doing good and I hope each day brings you more positivity and happiness , you deserve it .
    The pain is still raw for me at the min as its only been a few weeks but I know now am better off without him . He has moved to live another country now he asked me to go with , oh and the OW. I wonder what he’s up to ……probably looking for more victims he’s never been there before so he will have a lot to chose from . Makes me sad when I think all this of him as he was once the love of my life .
    Its so hard not to contact though I just feel really anxious all the time !

    Thank you so much for your blogs really helping me so much , your doing an amazing job x

    • positivagirl says:

      How are you doing today faith? Are you still around at all? I have had a writers block, but I think that this is the universe way of making me get the work into a book, then I can continue. Are you feeling better today?

  7. faith says:

    Is this what he said , how sad going through your life this way mine did say he was not a nice person, destructive and said he’s so lost in the world and would see this if I could just spend a day in his head . It really is so sad but at the same time their so cruel and nasty his can they hurt us so bad when all we did was love them and be there for them always. I still cannot wrap my head around it all , I’ve ben having a bad time again these last few weeks . He’s shipped the NS over to were he lives now since she found out everything about him and what he’s been upto from me and others from work she’s packed in her perm job with promotion and gave her life up to be with him . I hope your life is feeling more positive and brighter now as each day passes .
    Thank you for you post !

  8. lynettedavis says:

    I’m glad to have discovered your blog. I’ve only read a few of your posts, but they are so on-point. “I truly believe that the truth will set you free. Once you know the truth, you can’t really fully return.” In my journey to healing/recovery from a sociopath, this is my anchor. Thank you so much. Looking forward to reading more posts on this blog.

  9. Spread happy says:

    Hi. Just wanted to share my story with all of you out there. I feel your pain.
    I was in a relationship with one socoipath for two years. He has done some major demage to my selfesteem. He brainwashed me everyday while I was with him. He used to say if I leave him,I will be old and ugly and no one would want me.
    He’d say I will never find anyone like him.
    I loved and cared for him with all my heart. All he did was lie, cheat,manipulate and abuse me. I’m trying to feel better but it’s so hard to look at yourself. He made me feel horrible about myself. I don’t even know who Am I anymore. Everything is so confusing to me. I can’t tell any difference between good or bad anymore.
    He religiously reads rational male blog online and uses this blogger’s advice to play women.
    I don’t know what to do. I hope we all find our peace again.

    • positivagirl says:

      Hi, you know that you are not the person who he says you are? Since when did he become critique of you? Of your personality? Why are you believing a compulsive pathological liar? You know that he is a liar, a manipulator and a game player, do you not think that he told you the same at the end. He just said those things to make you feel worthless, so that you couldn’t move on. I know that it is hard, go to search and look for the person ‘finding the person in the mirror’ post. It was written specifically about this topic.

  10. 22222222t says:

    Thank you for being there positive girl. Following you and other resources made me feel like I was not going cuckoo!

  11. Joy says:

    The guy I dated was so much like everything said in these articles — however he never smeared me, or tried to destroy me. He did lie, cheat, gaslight, manipulate and take advantage of me and kinda toss me aside. I have NO contact with him, or anyone that knows him. And I do miss him because we did have a lot of fun together, but his mind is so completely warped from a violent childhood trauma (saw his best friend murdered), 35 years of on &off cocaine addiction, more friend’s deaths, legal troubles, etc. he’s 48 and lives in his parents basement, all like one big happy family. Completely irresponsible — he’s really functioning on the emotional level of a 15 year old – the age he was when his friend was shot & killed next to him. He has no empathy, no compassion, and often said things that were just downright cruel. But then he’d be the sweetheart charmer. He actually told me once he had a real problem feeling empathy for people. I was lying on the bed, crying in pain from my multiple sclerosis, and he sat there eating a sandwich, watching tv, telling me I had to go because he had to go to work. That’s one example of so many. It was impossible to wrap my head around how his head worked. Something was wrong in his head. I often got the feeling that he wanted to be normal, he just couldn’t. He would have had to face memories that he simply can’t handle. He was honest when we met – he told me “I’m no angel”. I should have thought harder about those 3 words. He really screwed my head up. I’m not used to people being mean to me, and so… sneaky about it. We didn’t get into screaming fights – he never once raised his voice at me or threatened me in any way, not once. That’s almost what makes it so mind boggling. This kind of abuse is worst than physical. With physical, you know you’ve been struck. With this emotional crap — you’re just confused.

  12. Joy says:

    A total of 3 years, met on a dating site (wonderful guy, I thought). New in town, I was starting a brand new life. The first month, a sad story (needing a loan for his rent) — I fell for it, loaned the money. Here comes the arguments, (or the creation of arguments), what had I done wrong? Nothing, he needed an excuse to leave.

    Three months later, re-met, on the same site (got back together again, loaned more $$$$). I was head over heels in love with the fool. I had a key to his apartment, of course he loved me. Had some good times, but he told me he was a social drinker, didn’t smoke cigarettes. He drink like a fish, smoked cigarettes and a pot-head.

    Everything was my fault, never done any wrong. Verbally abusive, practically homeless, living in his car (I got him food, helped him get into motel rooms (more $$$), gave him gas when he needed it to get to work. I Supported him through his down time.

    As soon as he started making ok $$$$, here comes the fights (for my money), name-calling, more verbal abuse. Fight and make up (this went on for a couple of years.) Telling me, I was selfish. Then he got another car, the real abuse and arguments came. He was on top of the world ($$$, car, and a rooming house to live). Always said, when I get on my feet, I will pay you back and always be there for you (like you have for me).

    He was terrible, arrogant, liar, and then he got on FB, and turned into the worse person. Always told me, I hate FB, only for kids. Well his addictive personality loves FB, every time he got mad (a new woman would appear on his friends list). I gave him a choice FB or me, he would deactivate and keep sneaking on to chat.

    I was at my wit’s end with this crap, more fighting, started distancing myself (so tired of this crap — now comes the Mind Games, calling, cussing me out.) Friendly 1 day, nasty the next. It is too much, he paid strangers more attention than me.

    I am done (he has hinted to having someone — but still calls every other week, just to see if I will pick up). These 3 years were nothing more than a game to him, and Using me to get on his feet. I am Mentally and Physically drained from this immature, adolescent behavior.


    Thanks for Listening (Survivor of a Sociopath)

    • Making it Out says:

      Thank you for writing this. These words could’ve come right out of me. We have very similar situations. The friendly one day, nasty the next was what really made me crazy and eventually enabled me to leave as the pain was so bad. It still is very bad, but in a different way. No contact since June.

  13. Perplexed says:

    I’ve been dating a man for 5 months. When we are together we are a perfect couple. While apart it gets shady. We were having a heart to heart last night trying to get everything in the open. He admitted that he was diagnosed a sociopath as a child. I love this man & yet have stepped back a few times only to get pulled back in I feel as though he is my kryptonite. I am a very strong willed person & I would have walked away a long time ago if it were anyone else. I have his crazy ex calling & texting me now she tells me off one minute & the next asking if I will move in w/ him. I am not one for drama & I have 3 kids he has 1. We haven’t involved kids in our relationship yet since I explained I do not want different men in their lives I need to know we are good first. I have met many of his family & we get along great. He has asked me to move in, marry him & have his child. I will not at this point. However I after learning this information I am very confused. Any advice?

  14. Tampa Dave says:

    If you like, I would be happy to have the opportunity to communicate with you directly.Can you retrieve my email address from this site? If not, can I post it here, and you can delete it without approving the post?

  15. sadgirl says:

    I think the man I have been with for 5 years is a sociopath. I have accepted things about him because he is so charming but the lies and lies. And lies..and somehow I keep taking him back? He has no remorse for his lies, blames me w

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