About Me

This blog comes from a life that has been a real journey of learning and discovery. I live in the UK, I spent my life, in the real world, working with statutory homeless people. I worked daily with drugs, alcohol, mental health, domestic violence, prolific offenders, prostitutes, young people leaving care, asylum seekers from war torn countries, to name but a few.  Of course, working with the issues that come from this too.  I have worked in this field for over 25 years.

I have a BA Hons. In Housing and Development, so I am not a writer. despite this time at uni, i still returned to working with homeless people, and networking with other agencies.  Following on from this I completed studies at University in Counselling. I also have a qualification in psychology.

Coming from a background working with people with complex needs, I try to write in a way that is down to earth and easy to understand. It complicated enough having been  with a sociopath, as they are prolific liars and masters of deception, so I try to write in a way that is easy to understand.

Work that is on this blog, is copyright to the author. All works are copyrighted and all rights reserved.

I am not a writer. Everything that is written here, has been as a result of the life that i have led, either relationships, spiritual understanding, professional experience, academic understanding, and just common sense! – Probably most importantly, when it comes to healing and recovery, KNOWING what works to help, heal and recover people, tried, tested and practiced for most of my life working with people 1-1 in the real world.

 I truly believe that the truth will set you free. Once you know the truth, you can’t really fully return. I did try though!!  And this too was an experience. The sociopath even if they care about you, the most that they can possibly do, they cannot change. The outcome will sadly always be the same.

If you have been affected by a sociopath, don’t give up hope. There are millions of victims  survivors throughout the world. Spreading the truth, survivors can support  and help to heal each other.

147 responses »

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  1. spartangirl says:

    Thank you so much – your blog helps make sense of the impossible. I’m still reeling and trying to re-build my life, luckily I have a wonderful support network of kindness which has been highlighted even more through this ordeal.

    The web of lies are still surfacing, he just couldn’t tell the truth about anything. The phone calls he had that must have been with himself?! Setting third parties up to unknowingly collaborate the lies… then he wanted to spend more time with me so faked freelance contracts and paperwork so I would leave my job. He really had no sense of shame or consequence, even when he exited (very early in the morning) he still lied about having not left.

    I broke all contact – the last communication that got through was a text – he said ‘I will always love you’. But he can’t and there lies the tragedy, as I will always be able to love and always be able to show others kindness.

    I’ve cried every day for months – a little less each time. The pain of betrayal is so deep… I hope everyone who had been affected will find answers in these pages. So thank you again for your time and dedication x

    • positivagirl says:

      Yes I went through the phone calls in front of me to make his lies believable that was a favourite of his. Oh yes the I will always love you….. Yeah they don’t know the meaning of love. Thank you for your comment.

      • DyingLove says:

        …..and they have no remorse it seems, about turning “always” and “forever” just into meaningless words that mock the feelings that are usually associated with them (love). So sad.

  2. jayrbee says:

    Thanks for your blog and helping to bring together a sadly large group of people. It’s hard for people who have never dealt with a high functioning sociopath to truly understand the nightmare they can leave behind.

  3. faith says:

    Hi, makes me fill up when I hear all these comments hurts so much how these people just want to destroy everything good, its so sad.

    Do you think sociopaths really want to change and have a normal life ? Cos mine use to say this a lot I wish I was normal ,why am I like this I just want us to have a normal life . I thought he was normal except for his depression as this interfered with his life but now am not even sure he really had depression

    • Moya says:

      Hi, Faith. It’s so hard to say what their intentions are and what the truth is. My ex also has dissociative identity disorder, which compounds the whole sociopath thing. In fact, some of her personalities had quite a lot of empathy, whilst others would drown their own child if it meant some vodka, money and a good lay. It’s mind-boggling to say the least.

  4. faith says:

    Thank you positivagirl,
    I look forward so much to that day when I get it back start living again. It hurts so much these sociopaths are getting on with there happy lives without a care for us, they always seem to get away with everything they just move on its so unfair, they don’t deserve happiness ever !

    • positivagirl says:

      Faith but the truth is they are NOT happy, they are never happy. Were you happy when you were with him? I wasn’t happy I was brainwashed and controlled. They do not have the ability to experience joy like we do. They do not have the ability to love like we do. They are impoverished souls. All that he has done has moved business elsewhere. it is an illusion that he is happy If they were happy then they wouldn’t come back and contact old sources of supply when they run out. They are like headless chickens constantly moving onto something new, as they destroy what was old in their life. They do this because they are destroyed from the inside. Believe me he isn’t happy, but YOU do have the ability to be happy. Happiness comes from within…. it really does. When you find this, nobody else can take it away from you x

      • Moya says:

        Well said, Positivagirl! It’s like they’re playing the “role” of happy, but it’s just a character; an illusion. However, I also know that the illusion hurts and when those you love buy into it, it can be very painful and frustrating.

      • positivagirl says:

        Absolutely its all an illusion. They were playing the con man and the illusion when they were with you, and they are doing the same now. there is no happy for they cannot be happy. they are too angry inside! :)

      • my sociopath told me many times that he’s just counting his days here in this dimension…waiting to go back home; I felt his pain, since he knew that he’s destroyed inside – he said that he can turn off/on his emotions whenever he wants (which seems now that those actually are not real emotions as we experience it)
        when he would ‘admit’ that would drag me back into that ring of fire…till I said stop; we can do that – we can control ourselves, the difference is that each one of us has a different threshold and how much we can and we’re willing to take before we can’t go on any longer

  5. faith says:

    Yes you are right positivagirl thank you .

    Yes , I was only happy at the beginning then it became a struggle your right (walking on eggshells) you just think because they have moved on there happy now but as you say , all the time he has been with this other woman he was still hanging onto me and someone else .
    Your so right that’s not happiness! Mine did say once after we split am lost in the world, I destroy everything good you don’t deserve to live lie your better off without me and my changing mind . And I am, we are all better off without them . Just wish we never had to encounter them in the first place .
    But hopefully we will all come out of this stronger , happier and wiser .

    Thank you positivagirl and moya am going to start to love me again !

    • positivagirl says:

      Ah you should do, as really it is just the way that he is, it is no reflection on you. I know that I returned so I had already done some grieving in the first place – so I was partially healed. But this time, the healing was a lot quicker. We had taken the relationship as far as it could go. it was really OVER. So that helped. It still took some time to undo the brainwashing. That is going though bit by bit. today I feel happy healthy and well. Life is returning to normal. He will never be happy believe me, neither he or his new woman has anything you don’t have. She especially doesn’t she has all his drama and crap stress – and it wont get better…… you have your freedom and can meet whomever you want to meet

  6. faith says:

    Am happy that you are in a more positive place now and doing good and I hope each day brings you more positivity and happiness , you deserve it .
    The pain is still raw for me at the min as its only been a few weeks but I know now am better off without him . He has moved to live another country now he asked me to go with , oh and the OW. I wonder what he’s up to ……probably looking for more victims he’s never been there before so he will have a lot to chose from . Makes me sad when I think all this of him as he was once the love of my life .
    Its so hard not to contact though I just feel really anxious all the time !

    Thank you so much for your blogs really helping me so much , your doing an amazing job x

  7. faith says:

    Soulshadows2015
    Is this what he said , how sad going through your life this way mine did say he was not a nice person, destructive and said he’s so lost in the world and would see this if I could just spend a day in his head . It really is so sad but at the same time their so cruel and nasty his can they hurt us so bad when all we did was love them and be there for them always. I still cannot wrap my head around it all , I’ve ben having a bad time again these last few weeks . He’s shipped the NS over to were he lives now since she found out everything about him and what he’s been upto from me and others from work she’s packed in her perm job with promotion and gave her life up to be with him . I hope your life is feeling more positive and brighter now as each day passes .
    Thank you for you post !

  8. lynettedavis says:

    I’m glad to have discovered your blog. I’ve only read a few of your posts, but they are so on-point. “I truly believe that the truth will set you free. Once you know the truth, you can’t really fully return.” In my journey to healing/recovery from a sociopath, this is my anchor. Thank you so much. Looking forward to reading more posts on this blog.

  9. Spread happy says:

    Hi. Just wanted to share my story with all of you out there. I feel your pain.
    I was in a relationship with one socoipath for two years. He has done some major demage to my selfesteem. He brainwashed me everyday while I was with him. He used to say if I leave him,I will be old and ugly and no one would want me.
    He’d say I will never find anyone like him.
    I loved and cared for him with all my heart. All he did was lie, cheat,manipulate and abuse me. I’m trying to feel better but it’s so hard to look at yourself. He made me feel horrible about myself. I don’t even know who Am I anymore. Everything is so confusing to me. I can’t tell any difference between good or bad anymore.
    He religiously reads rational male blog online and uses this blogger’s advice to play women.
    I don’t know what to do. I hope we all find our peace again.

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