Female sociopath

As I am female and hetrosexual, most of my post are written using the context of ‘he’ although as many male readers understand what I write can equally apply to female sociopaths.

Today I wanted to write a post about female sociopaths.

What is the difference between male and female sociopaths?

Honestly? The most obvious answer is SOCIETY. That is the biggest difference. Historically, men were expected to pay for everything. So, for the female sociopath  life was relatively easy. Which is probably why most respected pieces of work, say that there are less female sociopaths than male.

But lets look at this from a realistic point of view. From a historical point of view and from the role of men and women historically in society. Historically:

  • The man went to work and supported the woman
  • The man was the provider
  • The woman was known to be more manipulative and emotional than the man

This is a role reversal from men in society and what the expectations are of them. Men are supposed to be the breadwinners, to keep their woman.

If you look at it like that, female sociopaths have had it relatively easy. They are protected by society, and old fashioned values and what is expected from men and women in a relationship. Imagine that for a woman, her source of supply that she needs is a roof over her head, and money?

It is relatively easy to win that from a man. Nobody would bat an eyelid at it. After all, she is doing what keeps a man happy. Offering him sex, using him for his money. Getting free food and free accommodation. She is set up for life and has a free meal ticket.

Reverse this situation. The man moves in with a woman, fakes his credentials, and ultimately  the woman ends up paying for the man. This is more horrifying to society than what the female counterpart is doing. But is it really?

What do female sociopaths do?

  • All sociopaths have a high sex drive – so she will use sex as a tool to lure the man in
  • She will play victim to her past
  • She will be looking for a rescuer (to pay for her)
  • She will offer a bright and amazing future to her male counterpart

The sad truth is, both parties can be happy. A man sees it as his role to provide for his partner, or at least many have been brain trained historically that this is the right thing to do. The gaslighting, can just be viewed as ‘female manipulation’. Men are grateful to have a woman that constantly demands sex. And the male counterpart feels that he has a ‘trophy  wife’ on his arm. After all they are so charismatic, and get on with everyone, so popular, everyone else wants her….. men love to have something which is seen as ‘special’, something that other people want.

So, where does it all go wrong, with the female counterpart, and why is not reported as much?

It goes wrong when the female counterpart runs off with someone else. Or after she has the children kicks the man out, keeping the  house and children and everything in the house. If she is really lucky if she has done her homework well, she will also get maintenance payments from the man.

But nobody objects to this, after all this is what the man is supposed to do?

This is the main difference between male and female sociopaths. Society is what makes it different. Expectations within society of the male and female role. Of seeing the male as the provider, and the woman as nurturer, after all, we know that sociopaths can be very charismatic. And can play the role of  ’nurturer’ and ‘carer’ very well indeed.

The male feels that he has nobody to talk to about this. After all. He has been played, financially it has cost him a lot. And his ‘perfect woman’ is now off doing her own thing. Society encourages this.

If the male is upset and hurt, the female sociopath will use this against the male, he is the bitter ex. He should get over it.

It is more shocking when a woman has been conned by a male sociopath, as society sees it as unnatural. Afterall the man should be paying for the woman, treating her as a princess.

The female sociopath relies heavily on sex as a seduction and offering the trophy wife status to the male. Which males, wanting to impress buy….

There is little difference between the male and female types. This is why I write about sociopaths in general, and for ease of writing I use the word he. It is simply easier to write.

What do you think? Are there any males reading this? Do you agree with this? Or am I totally wrong?

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196 thoughts on “Female sociopath”

  1. @Laap

    Unfortunately, my children are 12 and 10, the NS has manipulated them very well. It is very sad to watch them be groomed at the moment. He does this as he cycles through the current “The One”. He thinks this is a game to control and possess me still, no those days are over. The one people hurting are the children. When I speak of “winning”, I speak of standing up for the children’s rights. He speaks of himself. In court, it’s always about him, how I am keeping the children from him, I asked him? I don’t recall you calling and asking to see them on any particular day, (as is states in our order), he said “I shouldn’t have to the children should call me”! And they gave him more time. Like I was hindering him! He works an ungodly amount of hours. Yet he wants the current to be his baby sitter? The courts were ok with this. The children all were down to lie for him. Even make me look bad in mediation for him. So I am waiting for him to discard, should be no later than the end of this year. He is already spending a lot of time at “work” again. Like on days I know his employer gives him as paid holidays. So it will be interesting. Also anything I don’t have done by “court order” isn’t admissible. Which is why I would not be able to have my own recorder there. Because of tampering issues, etc. This way there is an objective other party who seriously doesn’t care. What makes me the absolute most sad, is my children really want their father, and they want him to be normal. It’s just never going to happen. Which is why they go to therapy. If I could have a perfect world, he could just see them every other weekend and split holidays with me and take them on vacation. So the children could just see his good side, and not his crap one. They already know how he really is.

    It’s late –

    NIBSIH.

    1. Wow, and children within…with court approval.
      You know, if you would not have said that goes since 2007 I would say it happened yesterday, there is a lot of emotion towards your ex in your post. You will have to let it go…
      Yet it also seems that the courts down their in CA are very male friendly. Hope it works in my case the same… ;-)

      And if you are not permitted to use an own recorder, write down the “minutes” of your mediation meetings. Get them signed off and here you go with your proof of what was said and what not. Also an objective witness won’t help if he/she does not remember after a year accurate what was said. The difference is sometimes in one single word as I found out….”you may” i.e. is a good one. Does not mean anything actually, you may or you may not and I am tired of this mincing court phrasing stuff, straight to the point and not leaving space for rebuttals.
      (Here in WA state i.e. they have a law “the 191″ (26.09.191), that it is mandatory that sex offenders against children cannot have custody. Seems pretty clear to me, but then it comes 4pages further down….the court MAY, IF there is a presumption etc etc….well why do they write then the stuff??? I guess, without sounding prejudice, this law applys only if the sex offender is male…since there is a constitutional right for a mother to be with her children no matter who she is and what she has done. (case law and no joke). And I just hope, wish and pray that the opposition of my case does not know about it. Because then its getting really nasty.)

      Anyhow, don’t want to bother you with laws, just want to show you that you should prepare for everything, your offense, what MAY be said in response and then your rebuttal of their response so your offense will be unstoppable…No attorney will spend that much time, that you must do yourself, every day an hour will suffice, it should not fill out your life, even if its easier said than done and do not forget “you may” means no guarantee for anything… :-).
      .
      Another thing is that your kids are now getting into the age when they will be able to decide for good and so there will be a final decision coming very soon your way. If they already lie for him, maybe due to that they get a new xbox or what, you have to change strategies. Show your best side, to them, to court and around the corner the proof that you are a better fit. As comfort I can tell you it will not take another 6years, because in about, at the most 2years, your oldest child will be asked for good and then the case will become closed since they definitely won’t separate your kids.

      I understand that it is bad to give in, to be the “normal” part whilst the good guys don’t win in this world and society. I learned it the hard way, yet that I won’t change, if I i.e. lose my case in a legal way, so be it. If it happens, we shall see…
      So keep a straight way, get the emotions towards him out of the way, and don’t forget he will be indirectly in your life til death, because of the children and so you don’t want to invest emotions good or bad.
      If you keep the emotions, he will win and here I mean win as in win.
      I do not know you and it is not of my business, but it looks to me, maybe I am wrong, that you have quite a few emotions left for him. It does not matter if its good or bad btw.

      The children will grow, and that is the worst part of your post, that they have to go to therapy…and that proves that there must be quite a mess. I won’t ask for what they have to go, yet I can imagine. They probably want this “perfect world” the same way you wish, the sad part is there isn’t one, but the world we create for ourselves.
      Greetz

      1. Hi laap, thank you so much for such a detailed, helpful response and comment. I am sure that many will find it of use. I don’t allow people to put their personal email on this site. For the safety of all members. I hope that this is ok.

      2. Hi Positive Girl, thats ok, I did not know, just wanted to get it maybe off the thread. Should have just taken it out. Because now I have to write the whole thing again ;-)

      3. @laap

        Lol, emotion toward him? NS is still playing the game, he fails to realize the game is over. I am not playing, you must have a willing participant, which I am not. I am very tired and frustrated of watching my children being used, like puppets. While I have to show no reaction what so ever, it’s the only way he can hurt me. I have a very hard time comprehending how a parent can state you love your child, then do things with absolutely have no benefit for the children. I don’t even know if my children are really happy being with him or if they just want to be accepted by him so badly? Or just the fog and illusions which come with him. Sometimes I wonder if I should of just let him raise them, (I know), to spare them the constant pulling. I almost feel it is selfish of me, yet the healthy me says NS wants you to feel like this because he knows he’s the poop parent, not you. So it’s a crossroads, NS has already married, divorced and is currently engaged, (no ring this time, getting cheap in his old age), since we separated, they are fighting a lot already, I am waiting for the NS cycle to start over, I am tired, I want my children to hurry up and be 18 so I can have NO CONTACT.

        And they have been in therapy, for years, I don’t want them to be angry at him, whose is also a addict/alcoholic, very neglectful. One of the worst things every said to me was my youngest son, when he was 8 screaming at the top of his lungs and crying “WHY DID YOU HAVE TO PICK HIM TO BE OUR DAD”! All I could say was “I didn’t know”. One of those horrid moments I will never forget.

        NIBSIH.

  2. To whom who wrote the main article here, I read it now again and still have to agree to all of it, was looking for a disagreement probably. ;-) Since the writer was a female, hey, congrats to be so open minded to see it and to point out the differences.

    As a male, I just can agree to what is written here and everybody should read the main article of this thread again and again and again….

  3. (It goes wrong when the female counterpart runs off with someone else. Or after she has the children kicks the man out, keeping the house and children and everything in the house. If she is really lucky if she has done her homework well, she will also get maintenance payments from the man.)

    This is exactly what happened to me, and I will never stop coming at her till I completely destroy her. No matter what it takes. My son wants to live with me and she will go to any length to keep that child support and tax write off coming in. I spent all of last year, week after week and about $12,000 in loss of wages having to be at friend of the court. Not to mention year after year of her lying in court, doing what ever it takes to stop me from seeing my son, false claims to social services. But this year I kicked her FU- –
    KIN A – S in court. I had everything removed, that she had put on me; to keep me from seeing my boy. All in all – this year(2013) she spent over $8000.00+ with a expensive law firm. That know she’s a nut case – but it’s just business to them and she lost every dime off it – when the lady judge sided on my behalf. Now she’s trying to gain control again and I will beat her down again!. I will never quit – ever!!!! A sociopath is nothing but a bully and like hell if I will ever become a willing victim to a low life child of satan. Right now she is very afraid of me and wont be any were near me. All of this pisses me off ! You will win too only, if you get PISSED OFF and stay pissed off !!! They feed on fear ,you can never quit. Because they are short winded and they are always looking for an easy kill. With Endurance and Determination. I GUARANTY they will back the FU – CK UP! While I was wasting my time with this scum of the earth; the right one walked right passed me, but its not over till its over and the fat A – S sings, as she pull her self out of a dumpster for breakfast and my son is safe and secure with his daddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The family courts encourage this kind of behavior though, knowing they will make lots of court dates. And the courts and lawyers will make a boat load of cash. Do what ever it takes and never back down from a succubus or incubus. Fight and free your self’s, even if it takes years. NEVER BACK DOWN, EVER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Seek to destroy and you will be a victor, you will have to be a warrior though. But remember the will regain strength so when you win, never let them back up again, keep them down and vow to never allow them to do this to anyone ever again! And if they try to sweet talk you, while you got them down, give them another kick for good measure!

    1. Raymond,

      I wish I had your bottle mate .

      Mine has had one of the Fathers of her 2 children falsely convicted of assaulting her & the other Father she falsely accused of raping her & threatening to kill her with a shotgun ( he has no access whatsoever to his Son )

      I am stuffed as I can t go for her throat for fraud & theft due to the fact I have a permit for work dependent on me not even being accused of any of those things , let alone convicted .

      Her latest victim holds exactly the same permits , so when he is turned over shortly , he is in the same boat .

      I. E. Up sh.. Creek without a paddle ……

  4. Cannot direct reply I guess, NIBSIH.
    I think we screwed up the set up of the thread with our lengthy comments. :-)
    Ja going to the same, almost the same…let me tell you just a bit, and please sit down and don’t drive. Together 7years, 2kids (5&2), separated September 2013, she got married December 2013, to a twice convicted felon for assault…(hence must be a fit, felon and felon, ok, that was prejudice, sorry). Now end of January she calls me to come over for a cup of coffee to complain about her husband WITH ME! Whilst in a custody battle. I just told her that if she has doubts after only a few months…well then she should certainly leave the kids out of it.
    I can imagine it’s all show, to get the upper hand somehow, yet due to that there a kids involved, I have to keep it a bit softer, OUTSIDE of court, inside of court I dont back off a millimeter, or inch in english.
    YET what happens now, just 2 days ago, states very clear that this person should not raise children; unstable to the dot or core, yet fights me over the kids with a background in child abuse and I worry that she may win because she is female and the mom. I mean somebody tell me please that I am the one who is bonkers.
    IF someone who reads that feels that, please tell me, I wont be offended. I just think this is beyond normal. If it is nowadays considered normal (and here we have a little hint to the actual subject of this thread, if society considers this actions normal) or modern and I am just an oldstylish freak who hangs on values which dont exist anymore…well then I am sorry to write and annoy people with my, then, BS.

    And so back to you, I can very much imagine how you feel, remember the salomonic verdict (King Salomon from the bible, no I am not a religious person, but like so many europeans raised catholic and the King Salomon story should every judge have in the back of the head in custody battles)?
    I would believe in it, but there is no case law where a judge decided that the child goes to the parent who stopped fighting because he or she does not want to hurt the children further. Its very sad. Therefore, although your kids are older, are manipulated (my guess is from afar, on a materialistic level), do not give up. Because later in life they will ask you, ‘mom why did you give up’….and second of all, I doubt that you could live with it. So don’t do it. Just dont get your hatred or dislikment take over your whole life, then he won. I have the same prob, exact same, its very hard, because it is actually your life, your kids are your life.

    YET one thing is certain for both of us I guess…we made such a bad experience, our kids will be thankful later that they (knock knock knock) wont have to repeat it, because we can tell them lesson we’ve learned.
    (Hey, the positive in the negative…is in everything, just have to look for it. ;-) )

  5. I was with my girlfriend for 4 and a half years, got engaged in October 2013, buying a house in Jan 2014, could not be happier . Straight after Christmas she said had an affair with a bloke from work and left me absolutely devastated.
    I was confused, hurt, lost, you name it. Someone I talked to mentioned the word Sociopath and I didn’t even know what one was. After much reading into the condition there was no doubt in my mind the last 4 and a half years were a lie. She showed no remorse or guilt and just moved on without any feelings towards me. If i hadn’t found out about a sociopath then I may gave lost my sanity.
    Thanks to websites like these, the victim can read and reread all about the condition to make sense of it all and know the real losers are the sociopaths with their pathetic shallow lives.
    Keep strong victims we are worth so much more!

    1. after 3 years i discovered that my girlfriend is a sociopath. i faked a suicide last year to see if see was concerned in any way , guess what SHE DIDNT EVEN CALL TO SEE IF I WAS OK W O W

  6. Last Oct I met up with a Girl I wished I had never lost. We were together when we were in out 20s, she is beautiful, very sexual, she is part of an amazing family, but we lost touch after that. I was in with her from the moment I met her, she is about 4 years younger that I.
    Fast forward to Oct 2013. I use to play in a band and we were planning a party for all the old friends. I had been asking about this girl for yeas, not one person I knew, not that I would spend a whole lot of time looking into it, but no seemed to know what happened to her. I knew she had kids, with different fathers and I knew she had trouble with Drugs, just as I had back when we were younger, but I did not know much more than that. Me, I had left the hometown 17 years before trying to get my life together and I did that. Now, 18 years ago today as a matter of fact.
    Now back to me story, so the party happens, it is what is, old faces you wandered what happened, and other faces that looked exactly the same, of course everyone was all over everyone, there were 3 bands including the one I was in. It was a blast and everyone would like to do it again… whatever:)
    So, in those 17 or so years since I had not seen this girl, I was Married 2 times, and built a successful computer consulting company. My first wife we a friend from work, she was honest, we broke up after Married a little mover a year. I immediately felt I had really wasted my time, we parted with no hurt feeling, I think, I moved on almost the next day.
    Being in technology, one line dating had become popular, and for me, after readying a Wall Street Journal piece about the business ideas revolving around One Line Dating it almost made sense. Now here is where you can analyze me a bit. So I join one of those Dating Sites, I get picked a few times. I drive to meet someone only once. I go to a Starbucks, I see what I thought was the girl I was suppose to meet, it is, but holy shit, with out even saying a word, we both acknowledged that we had both made a big mistake, never made it into the Starbucks, got in my car and left.
    So, that sucked, I don’t have time for this. I am trying to get a life, what am I doing? I would think things like that to myself, but ok, maybe that was just a first time Dud, let’s see what can happen. So I wait to see what happens, I meet what becomes wife #2. I files for divorce in 2006, didn’t go though with it, because we had a son, 5 at the time, and we had another one on the way in 2008, I filed again in 2010, Legally single in 2012.
    So, why am I writing this. For one, because I can’t stop thinking about it, and 2, because I am really impressed by the info I have found on this site. and.. maybe 3, I want to know if these Psychopathic sick people ever can recover. Is that possible? Please let me know your experience.
    Ok, back to the story, so we are playing this party, it comes together amazing, it’s at a friends bar, how cool right, everyone is there. Now, I am newly single, I have only seen one person, since I have been divorce. My friends wife tells me I am one of those guys that just has a “bad picker” , I look though the door and in walks my girl, I have not seen her for maybe a year or so longer than I have been gone, about 17 years, a little less. Anyway, my whole world stops. After running around meeting everyone, a lot of them I only remember by face, I am newly single this is a party, let’s see what can happen right?!!
    So in walks **** in she walked, she looks exactly the same as I remember, I we see each other instantly, she sees me, as I said nothing more about that party do I remember. She was always the one, she was the perfect girl, sweet, loving, she would do anything for me, she would understand my most intimate thoughts this was ****, she was the one I should have never left. Well, we were living out a pretty drugs filled life. A sort of Sid N Nancy thing. Not good, but I only left her to make my second to the last attempted to get my act together. I failed and this, I was told by certain people that were helping me stop drugs that I could not see her ever again, that I should note even see her at all, never, they said. So I tried one more time to get clean, ended up with a very sick person for 6 months hit rock bottom and then I move away to try it again. As I said earlier, it worked, I got it together and I now am raising my 10 and 5 years old boys. Me mostly, my Ex, had them on the weekends, sometimes, I’m not going into that…
    Ok, seriously, the world stopped spinning, she was really in my dreams, she had kept me sane in insanity of my 2 marriages, she had been there when I needed to close my eyes and feel there was something out there still, I never stopped asking friends from the old town how she was, where she was, was she married, what she ok, where, when what happened to her. And how do I get to see her again, one more time, so I can at least tell her I was sorry for being the “bad boyfriend” I was when we were young. That I never meant to hurt her, and that I would never have done that, even then, if I wasn’t so preoccupied with our drug/drinking schedule. You see, as lame as this may sound, I know about the scared little boy inside most men. I am still him, I don’t tell people that, but I am, always have been, and I am always a work in progress.
    That night, we spend the rest of the night together. We stay at my good buddied amazing home. We swim in the pool until almost sunrise and I goto sleep with the person I knew was who I would be able to do life as a team with. She was the person my boys would love, she was so beautiful, so sweet, so creative, she could paint, she could do any thing, she saw the world as a big beautiful place to play, just like I did. I remembered that, I never forgot and I never will.
    As our relationship starts. I immediately start hearing about all the adventures she has been through, some a pretty tragic and I will not explain that, all I can think of is, who could ever do that to her. Why? A crazy person? A Drugged out Maniac? That was the only answer I would think of, given our pasts.
    Right away, she tells me these stories, really detailed, super alaborite, crazy stuff these men did, they were cheating, they always had prostitutes on the site, they were all into the porn industry as in actors, or wanna be actors, porn people, whatever you want to call that. In other words they were serious losers, liars, cheaters. Bod people, That is what I heard.
    We were together 1 year 4 months. I knew there was something wrong the moment it starts. I hoped it would get better. I proposed to her on top of a Mountain and I meant it this time. I planned my life according to her, she planed hers according to us, the 2 of us, my 2 boys, and aventualy her 2 kids that were beging raised by her sister would all get along just fine. Why is this so complicated? I really do see everything as good until it turns bad, and it takes me a long time to figure it out.
    She left a few weeks ago. I she took the train back the home town. I took her to the train station, I have never had a panic attack so I don’t know what that is, but I thought that was it, I was going to have a Heart Attack, they run in my family. She didn’t want to leave me, she said she wasn’t going, she wanted to stay with me. I knew she had to. You see, everything she told me the other men in her life had done, was what she was accusing me of doing everyday. Everynight, we would fight about it, I would loose it and say things I didn’t want to say, call her a name that was mean, something that came from all the frustration I had been though in my last divorce. I was patient, something I am not good at. My own friends can’t believe I was in tears, just as I am now, I hang on the to the idea that she could recover from this. My mother had Metal Heath problem from an injury when she was in collage. It became the reason my father left when I was 10. She would lose it and need Metal Heath ER at least once per year. It was hard.
    My heart is pounding, my eyes are pouring, this girl has to break this, she is that powerful, she is a powerful force, my nick name for her was always “POWER”
    She told me that all the TV sets in the house have Motion Control she told me we are all out to steel her ideas, she did tell me, but she told others, that I had bough a new Smart TV, that I spend all my time in bed controlling the live feeds to the internet with strange motions under the covers, she sends me text messages all the time telling me to ask god for forgiveness, that then she will take me back, how perfect is that, her take me back?
    I do not want to go on about that, but I will say this. I don’t write many comments on Blogs, I don’t have the patient and I am not that great at words. But this was too clear. She now says I am exactly what they were, exactly, I have a problem, I am sick, I am going to hell, I am a cheater, I spy on her it goes on and on but really, I know what is going on, that is why she had to go. The hardest thing for me, is that this is a person that is so special to me I can’t let her keep going on. I did something I would never do, I called her friends, they told me nothing really, they were protective of her, just feeding the Psychopath. Her parents are wonderful, they are heartbroken from all of this, but they think trying to get her into counseling is the best answer. Maybe, maybe? What answers have worked for them in the past?
    I have seen and been through a lot, I have been clear minded for 18 years. I know what is going on, I am not in fear of other knowing, I do feel that trying to handle this the same way her family has in the past, the same way.. you get the same results. NONE
    I am still hopeful, I only want her to break this cycle, now common,
    Psychopath, Paranoid, has she been telling this story so long she believes it? Is there anything that can help? I am not afraid to seek help. I have one the best clinical psychologists in the business that is expert in all of this. It is very common in high achievers. very advanced students, the Psychopath part of this is the defense mechanism. You see, no parent can say, this is what it is, this is what caused this, only a Doctor qualified to test, and perform an assessment, a Doctor that specialized in helping people like her, like me, like this…. we all have something, or life would be seriously boring. Not that you couldn’t tell from the beginning of this story, I have something called ADHA. I have learned amazing things about this condition as an adult and been able to study the way things went down in my life because if it. I would never have bothered to spend this much time explaining my situation, but this is me right now, I am in love with this girl, I have lost her once, I am not afraid to loose her again, but… I heard someone say, don’t give in, don’t let them win, that is why wrote this. They will never win once I can identify, but my god, I am in love with this girl and I know she once was in love with me. Maybe I never had a chance because her Psychopathic Tools, came into play years ago and I just another “MAN” that was never going to give her what she deserved in life. Maybe? The last year and 4 months was a GAME, a TEST, only for her to prepare for her exit. Sad, but True!
    Psychopathic behavior is one for abuse, it is damaging and I will not stop until this girl gets help. Even if she hates me in the end. I will not Lie, I will not keep secrets that are only to protect the image of family and friends, you are not her family if you can’t tell the true, you know, those families that do those little briefings, disclosures about who is who, what to say, what not to say, I called one for the friends, she said almost immediately, don’t tell her you talked to me, wait, not, just tell her…. no, don’t do that, tell her this…. no, that will just make her run more… whatever!
    I said what the F, so you wan me to LIE, this is not a friend, this is a person not willling to get down and dirty to help their friend, those are very FAR and FEW. I hope some of you find this story helpful, for it helped just to get it straight in my head for the 900th time.
    Later, thanks
    JUSOMDUDE

  7. Last Oct I met up with a Girl I wished I had never lost. We were together when we were in out 20s, she is beautiful, very sexual, she is part of an amazing family, but we lost touch after that. I was in love with her from the moment I met her, she is about 4 years younger that I.

    Fast forward to Oct 2013. I use to play in a band and we were planning a party for all the old friends. I had been asking about this girl for years, not one person I knew, not that I would spend a whole lot of time looking into it, but no seemed to know what happened to her. I knew she had kids, with different fathers and I knew she had trouble with Drugs, just as I had back when we were younger, but I did not know much more than that. Me, I had left the hometown 17 years before trying to get my life together and I did that. Now, 18 years ago today as a matter of fact.

    Now back to the story, so the party happens, it is what is, old faces you wondered what happened, and other faces that looked exactly the same, of course everyone was all over everyone, there were 3 bands including the one I was in. It was a blast and everyone would like to do it again… whatever:) Ok let’s do it.

    So, in those 17 or so years since I had not seen this girl, I was Married 2 times, and built a successful computer consulting company. My first wife we a friend from work, we broke up after Married a little over a year. I immediately felt I had really wasted my time, we parted with no hurt feeling, I think, I moved on almost the next day.

    Being in technology, online dating had become popular, and for me, after reading a Wall Street Journal piece about the business ideas revolving around OnLine Dating it almost made sense. Now here is where you can analyze me a bit. So I join one of those Dating Sites, I get picked a few times. I drive to meet someone only once. I go to a Starbucks, I see what I thought was the girl I was suppose to meet, it is, but holy shit, without even saying a word, we both acknowledged that we had both made a big mistake, never made it into the Starbucks, got in my car and left.

    So, that sucked, I don’t have time for this. I am trying to get a life, what am I doing? I would think things like that to myself, but ok, maybe that was just a first time failier, let’s see what can happen. So I wait to see what happens, I meet what becomes wife #2. I files for divorce in 2006, didn’t go though with it, because we had a son, 5 at the time, and we had another one on the way in 2008, I filed again in 2010, Legally single in 2012.

    So, why am I writing this? For one, because I can’t stop thinking about it, and 2, because I am really impressed by the info I have found on this site. and.. maybe 3, I want to know if these Psychotic people ever can recover. Is that possible? Please let me know.

    Ok, back to the story, so we are playing this party, it comes together amazing, it’s at a friends bar, how cool right, everyone is there. Now, I am newly single, I have only seen one person, since I have been divorce. Bad choice, she was full of it. So, my friends wife tells me I am one of those guys that just has a “bad picker” , so while we are setting upI look though the door and in walks my girl, I have not seen her for maybe 19 years or so longer than I have been gone, about 19 years, a little less. Anyway, my whole world stops. After running around meeting everyone, a lot of them I only remember by face, I am newly single this is a party, let’s see what can happen right?!!

    So in walks **** in she walked, she looks exactly the same as I remember, she is so beautiful, so special and she doesn’t have any clue that I have asked about her for years. We see each other instantly, she sees me, as I said nothing more about that party do I remember. She was always the one, she was the perfect girl, sweet, loving, she would do anything for me and NOW, I would do anything for her. And I could, I had everything together for over 17 years right?.. She would understand my most intimate thoughts this was ****, she was the one I should have never left. Well, we were living out a pretty drugs filled life. A sort of Sid N Nancy thing. Not good, and I only left her to make my second to the last attempted to get my act together. I used her to get me by until I didn’t need her and I will never forgive myself for that, even though that is not realisitc… Anwya, I failed and this, I was told by certain people that were helping me stop drugs that I could not see her ever again, that I should not even see her at all, never, they said. So I tried one more time to get clean, ended up with another very sick girl for 6 months hit rock bottom and then I move away to try it again. As I said earlier, it worked, I got it together and I now am raising my 10 and 5 years old boys Solo. Me mostly, my Ex, had them on the weekends, sometimes, I’m not going into that… She is cool, but for get that..

    Ok, seriously, the world stopped spinning, she was really in my dreams, she had kept me sane in the insanity of my 2 marriages, she had been there when I needed to close my eyes and feel there was something out there still, I never stopped asking friends from the old town how she was, where she was, was she married, what she ok, where, when what happened to her. And how do I get to see her again, one more time, so I can at least tell her I was sorry for being the “bad boyfriend” I was when we were young. That I never meant to hurt her, and that I would never have done that, even then, if I wasn’t so preoccupied with our drug/drinking schedule. That, I never forgot how amazing, special, beautiful she was, and I don’t think she was not a Psychotic then but today, not sure? You see, as lame as this may sound, I know about the scared little boy inside most men. I am still him, I don’t tell people that, but I am, always have been, and I am always a work in progress. All men need to know that to be the STRONG Man their girl deserves and vicversa you know.

    That night, we spend the rest of the night together. We stay at my buddied’s amazing home. We swim in the pool until almost sunrise and I goto sleep with the person I knew was who I would be able to do life as a team with, the way it was suppose to be, the dream came true again. She was the person my boys would love, she was so beautiful, so sweet, so creative, she could paint, she could do any thing, she saw the world as a big beautiful place to play, just like I did. I remembered that, I never forgot and I never will.

    As our relationship starts. I immediately start hearing about all the adventures she has been through, most very tragic and I will not explain that, all I can think of is, who could ever do that to her. Why? A crazy person? A Drugged out Maniac? That was the only answer I would think of, given both of our pasts.

    Right away, she tells me these stories, really detailed, super alaborite, crazy stuff these men did, they were cheating, they always had prostitutes in the stories, they were all into the porn industry as in actors, or wanna be actors, porn people, whatever you want to call that. In other words they were serious losers, liars, cheaters. Bad people, That is what I heard.

    We were together 1 year 4 months. I knew there was something wrong the moment it starts. I hoped it would get better. I proposed to her on top of a Mountain and I meant it this time, she is really the other part, the other half, not the soulmate, LAME, just her, the one. I planned my life according to her, she planed hers according to us, the 2 of us, my 2 boys, and aventualy her 2 kids that were beging raised by her sister would all get along just fine. What’s the big deal, just do it!! Why is this so complicated? I really do see everything as good until it turns bad, and it takes me a long time to figure it out. As many words I blab out, I am really just a Simple Man and like it that way, maybe that is why I have such a hard time with this?

    She left a few weeks ago. I she took the train back the home town. I took her to the train station, I have never had a panic attack so I don’t know what that is, but I thought that was it, I was going to have a Heart Attack, they run in my family. She didn’t want to leave me, she said she wasn’t going, she wanted to stay with me. I knew she had to go. You see, everything she told me the other men in her life had done, was what she was accusing me of doing everyday. Everynight, we would fight about it, I would loose it and say things I didn’t want to say, call her a name that was mean, something that came from all the frustration I had been though in my last divorce. IT was like a Twilight Zone Episode. I was patient, something I am not good at. My own friends can’t believe I was in tears, just as I am now, I hang on the to the idea that she could recover from this. My mother had Metal Heath problem from an injury when she was in college. It became the reason my father left when I was 10. She would lose it and need Metal Heath ER at least once per year. It was hard. But I understand.

    My heart is pounding, my eyes are pouring, this girl has to break this, she is that powerful, she is a powerful force, my nickname for her was always “POWER” and for good reason… maybe for the wrong reason?

    She told me that all the TV sets in the house have Motion Control she told me we are all out to steal her ideas, she did tell me some things, but when I was ask for specifics I never got a straight answer, it was always, “you know what the truth is” “You better ask God forgiveness” but she told others, that I had bough a new Smart TV, that I spend all my time in bed controlling the live feeds to the internet with strange motions under the covers, she sends me text messages all the time telling me to ask god for forgiveness, that then she will take me back, how perfect is that, me lie, to saticfy her sickness, the I get her back? She is going to take me back if I get honest.. I recieved these message only a few days ago, then I think she blocked or changed her number again. She said she wants pictures of my kids, yet, she had a totaly Camera Problem, back when we were young she modeled because she enjoyed it, for fun I guess, Camera’s where never a problem. What is wrong with her? Please help me figure out what is best for me to help, because this is getting really bad, I spent my days feeling like this, now I have to plan exactly how I am going to go meet clients, I can’t even get Gas, get the car washed, because I know she is going to FLIP OUT…. This is crazy and I am not the one that is crazy, but I sure feel like it, even now…

    I do not want to go on about that, but I will say this. I don’t write many comments on Blogs, I don’t have the patients and I am not that great at words. But this was too clear. She now says I am exactly what they were, exactly, I have a problem, I am sick, I am going to hell, I am a cheater, I spy on her it goes on but really, I know what is going on, that is why she had to go. The hardest thing for me, is that this is a person that is so special to me I can’t watch her keep going on. I did something I would never do, I called her friends, they told me nothing really, they were protective of her, just feeding the Psychopath. Her parents are wonderful, they are heartbroken from all of this, but they think trying to get her into counseling is the best answer. Maybe, maybe? 30 years of tears, heartache and pain. Why? What happened that caused this? Or did something happen, was she born this way?

    I have seen and been through a lot, I have been clear for 18 years. I know what is going on, I am not in fear of others knowing or me being the bad guy, because I care enough to try and change up the pattern. I do feel that trying to handle this the same way her family has in the past, the same way.. you get the same results. NONE 0% NOTHING

    Is there a way to help, I have and will completely back off, I will never stop caring but I will stop letting her hurt me. She is done doing that. She will never come in my home, she will never hurt my kids. They are tough, but they should never have met her, she is TOXIC to the Core and I am eternally sad because of it. Nothing has ever done that to me, pain ****

    I mean everything I have said, I would not bother and I don’t Lie, I may exadgerate things on occasions all but nothing that would harm someone as deeply as she has Harmed me and 2 boys. I love her, I really do, I want her back, but not the imposster that lived in my house for a little more than a year.

    Simple Man (Sad Man)

    HIM – I am good with never seeing her again, deep down, I can’t let her go.

    1. She is untreatable & incurable I m afraid my friend . The person you believe exists , simply doesn t . Its tough to take but its how it is .

      Regards

      Nick

    2. That’s not sociopathy,my friend. That’s paranoid schizophrenia and it can be treatable if she’s willing to accept that she has a mental health issue.

      If she doesn’t want to be treated for it, then I’m afraid that there are many risks involved including being a danger to you and your family.

  8. Few days ago I watched a movie “Notes on a Scandal” . Wow, Judi Dench plays textbook sociopathic female “friend”. Children in schools should be taught to know and recognize these kind of phenomenons in life. Instead, they are filling their minds with totally useless sociology/psychology “knowledge” and probably having sociopathic teachers ( like Judi Dench is a teacher in this movie :)) I remember I had excellent grades in high school and we had subjects sociology and psychology. In sociology we learned about numerous theories throughout human history (totally useless knowledge)… instead of learning about human nature and human society that we live in so that we can better cope with it in life.

  9. My sociopath was a professional victim. When it came time for her to implement the process of ruining me, she accused me of things that would have sent me to prison. She used family court in an attempt to take my children from me. Perjury is hard to prove. I spent $25,000 on legal fees only to earn the right to see my children in supervised visitation. It was all to easy for her. She utter one word: Abuse. Then stood back and watched as the world came running to her defense.
    As an added benefit to her, I crumbled into a despair I had never known. I was too weak to fight. I came to the first hearing without legal representation and her lawyer ate me alive. I did eventually rise to the challenge and fight for my kids. I liquidated every asset, even sold my car so I could afford an attorney. I am proud of that. its been almost 4 years now. I don’t feel I have been ruined as intended. I’m wounded. Thats a victory. Wounds heal.

    1. Hi James thank you for sharing your story. One day your children will grow and will hopefully see the truth. Lying about you is the worst esp restricting access to your children. That sounds like a very traumatic experience to go through. I hope that you are starting to heal and find some normality for you.

    2. Ja James, that is what happens to men who do not want to believe what is really happening, we just think this cannot be true, truth will come out. Its sad that the opposite will take advantage of that. I went through kind of the same and still am in the middle of the “battle”, which started before I even started fighting back….like you…”too weak to fight” because of the hurt.
      You’ve made it through and your story will help me to get through it too, no matter how long it takes! So thank you very much for sharing!
      We seem to be guys who have to be brought to our knees to be able to get up to fight back, since we were taught that women are not supposed to be fought. Well, some have to be…I felt bad about it, yet due to the children involved, it is worth fu** all!
      And our kids will find out the truth someday…I am fully convinced of this!

    3. James, I dislike stating this, but I could see myself in that role…the lies/victim/the whole bit. I have never done THAT…but I cannot deny seeing that as a potential action, if it ever came about. I am on this site to try to “see” the damage created and to counter act my true nature. Can I be cured? No. But, I can still learn to be better and do better. I have the power of choice. Anyway, all I intended initially to post was that you are a survivor…and an ambitious father. Good luck to you! More children need a parent like yourself. I pale, very much…in comparison.

  10. Wow! So, what I’ve met was (probably) a sociopath?
    Told me that she was molested by her “foster dad”, and fed with sleeping pills by her “foster mom” during childhood, that’s why her present physical stamina is weak. Claiming that her real parents ditched her for no clear reason, despite her real parents is actually normal and capable to afford her college.
    Meanwhile, she also claiming that she had a some sort of “brain tumor”, and put all her money for her own medication by doing 3 different jobs every day (?!) from morning until midnight. I mean, how can a person with a “brain tumor” can still having that sort of stamina anyway?
    Whilst, she still hanging out with her friends in night clubs almost everyday. Claiming that she is a Buddhist, that’s why she never have to make a prayer, without a single notion if she knows anything about Buddha or Buddhism at all.
    Claiming that she was a “radio star” for a tarot reading show, despite the fact that she have no fan base in any social network at all. Claiming that she have thousands of friends all over the country, despite the fact that after she resigned from her “radio show” job, she had a significantly hard times finding a new job.
    Claiming that she have side role as a “Cultural Expert” in her community. Despite the fact that she can’t even define what “culture” means. Claiming that she runs a fashion business, without knowing anything about marketing?
    Touchy if being questioned about her “Cultural Expertise” validity. Always jumpy whenever being questioned about any of her principal, ethical, or moral values. I mean, incapable to recognize the context of a question, or a contradicting statement.
    Deep inside, I feel sorry for her. She lives in a circle of friends where everyone claims themselves “special people”, without reasonable achievements to validate the claims. A very narcissistic yet inclusive group of people. That’s why I could never relate to any of her friends.
    Their daily activity don’t have anything positive to offer for the whole society. Just attention seeking via Twitter, Facebook, etc. It’s like watching a group of 15-yo kids (though most of them are 20 going thirty) hating the world, and their “code of friendship” is the highest above anyone outside their circle. Even their families.
    Always playing “victim of a judgmental person”, whenever being questioned the value of her choice of society. Also, unable to produce empathy. Whenever we talked, or when she talked to any of my friends, she couldn’t maintain eye-to-eye contact longer that 3 seconds. Some of my friends advised me that she have an “arrogant body gestures”.
    In the end, though, I had enough of her lies. Her narcissistic drama episodes.
    Anyway, could it be possible that sociopathy is a contagious mental disease? Infecting a circle of people bound as “friends”?

      1. Bahahaha.. Crazy isn’t?

        Sometimes; I think, it was me playing too “Sherlock” on her, thus, ruined the relationship. Met her on an online dating site. To which I assume, that will not be her last action.

        Unless there’s a “free sociopath & mental disorder people” dating site out there. But, that kind of system will take so many psychology experts on a table, everyday. Plus, no one is in their best mood, everyday. Or, it’s safe to say, a bit impossible for present time. So, I’m positively done with online dating from that point on. Just not my cup of tea.

        Oh, and thank you for the welcome, Positivagirl !!! ;-)

    1. You described them almost to the dot…and people adapt, if you hang around people who are telling lies, you will start disbelieving yourself and question yourself and so it may be “contagious” to some level. As you stated moral and ethical values can be taught…or aren’t or are proven “wrong” by certain people who believe in different “values”… You just have to hear it long enough and from different sources. Soon, my personal horrorscenario, socios will be the majority and the “normal” people the minority and the outcasts who do not fit in.

  11. @JR, you got a point, they may get away with it, some at the very least, but you know yourself how much own energy you have to invest to get even or to pay back. So “revenge” should only be an option if there are i.e. Kids involved or criminal activities, which you can prove and don’t have to deal with except reporting them.
    I know its easy to say move on, let it go, cut your losses etc etc, yet we all live only once and the time and energy I would not invest to get even with them, although it may bring satisfaction, but then because there are still emotions involved…
    So think twice before you start something which you cannot stop and waste more time.
    Furthermore is one of the main weapons of them Slander and how that works when people say you were in the wrong and they were right, although they are lying, you may know already….its on top very very time consuming to prove that you were not lying.
    There is so much beauty in the world which you may just miss whilst dealing with “revenge”. If I would believe in karma I would say, let Karma handle it, yet I can’t say that and can give you only this point of view not to waste time and energy….

  12. I recently got out of a relationship. I’ve been reading and researching a lot about sociopathy/narcicism (spell check?). I’ve been in a few relationships in the past and I must say this last one had something “missing.” Never could quite put my finger on it, but it was some type of emotional connection piece of the puzzle that was missing from the relationship.

    When we first met she was so cool and sexy. We had so much in common and we just clicked as a team. Also very confident in how she walked/talked and carried herself in general. As the relationship went on she didn’t seem the bookworm that she made herself out to be. However she is very socially intelligent. She was all the things I told her that I wanted. However, isn’t it normal to put our best foot forward in the beginning of a relationship. I know I’ve done it.

    I’ve gone through the websites and she does have the characteristics listed of a sociopath. But then again don’t we all display some of these characteristics at one point or another? I mean I’ve been the guy that ignores the sad looking panhandler, or cheated on a partner for a quick physical pleasure only to lie about it (at first) when I was confronted. I’ve had times where I walked into a room and felt that I was super awesome or better looking than everyone else.

    My question is when do these characteristics become sociopathy? When does it go from “this person is very confident” to “this person is a narccicist?”

    After the relationship ended I began thinking about our interactions. A lot of lies told by her is because she has been hurt in the past. Is very defensive (which then leads to extreme anger) when confronted of wrongdoings. Extreme shopping addiction which is blamed on me because she is “depressed” because of me. Always has a lot of “drama” surrounding her. And again the anger, so much anger I’ve never seen prior to this relationship.

    I don’t want to automatically put this label on someone that I really care about, especially since I’m in no way a professional. However I read and read and I keep seeing that these types have no conscience? How is this even possible?

    At this point I’ve was kicked out when we broke up and haven’t talked to her since. We broke up because I confronted her about a small lie and she blew up. She exploded.

    She recently has contacted me and says she misses me/she shouldn’t have done this and that/realize that I’m so important to her and has apologized. I need some insight because although I do love and care about her, I’m not going to end up with someone without a conscience.
    That’d be scary

    Wow this post got long fast

    1. Regardless of your choice, the dark seeds (maybe real red flags/warning signals that you should listen to) are already planted in your psyche. You already know that something is not right with this person, and it is clear that the trust you felt for her is greatly diminished. Best of luck to you-as a sociopath, my advice is to move onward.

  13. I am repairing myself after a 2 year relationship with a narc. Every description is spot on. She found someone who promised to bail her out of the hood faster than I could and she kicked me to the curb, tried to pawn my families’ wedding ring and threatened to have child services try and take away my granddaughter if I didn’t give her house key back. She can stab me in the back and her fan club can think whatever they want about me, I don’t care. PTSD from threats sucks.But, while I feel sorry for him, I’m glad the sucker took her off my hands before we got married. Now, I have essentially earned a Bachelor’s degree in spotting ‘paths and narcs from a mile away. Better days coming soon in a nicer town far from this s@#t-hole !!!!!

  14. I appreciate and agree with the historical gender specific roles and how they have played into the hand of the female sociopath.

    I suppose my only comment was to the summation that you use the ‘He’ pronoun. Is it so hard to include, They or Themselves?

    It can be quite debilitating when you may believe you have a sociopathic woman in your life and the articles seem to speaking as if these traits are only possible in a man, same as society sees it.

    1. Hey you will find that later posts are all they. Earlier posts are ‘he’ as at the time i was writing to the sociopath in my life, who was nosy and reading my blog.

  15. @NIBSIH: I got today great news, finally after 8months of suffering, receiving threats and and and I got today full custody for both of our children and mom has to stay 500meter away from us.

    Just want to give you a heads up and wish you also the best in your case. In the end justice is slow, but socios make the same mistakes over and over again and this time it caught up with her! I am more or less out of here, I thank you all for your postings and keeping me alive, showing that I am not the only one who has to deal with that type of stuff, but now I have two children to take of and that will be my primary focus.

    There is a threat how to get even with a socio, you can’t, but you can beat them with their own weapons if you are just patient and persistent enough. A great day for justice and for children.

    Oh and what happened? Well “it” left the children and went on a vacation and judges don’t like that very much when a supposed and self announced good mom has nothing better to do than to vacate by herself and on top does the other parent not even give notice where the children are. Case closed, book thrown at her for the “me me me and double me and then again me and then the children and they are anyway only my children and have not a second parent” Too bad that they have sometimes.
    I am a male, I have full custody of the children with NO visitation for mom and mom has to stay 500meters away from us. I did not even expect that much. So to every male, keep on going…time will tell. Goodbye all and good luck and thanks! And very especially a good luck to NIBSIH and a very big thank you to positivagirl for creating this blog! It really helped!

    1. This is wonderful news!!! Well done you on winning your legal case!! I hope that the sun will start to shine in your world, and that you can rebuild your life. Peacefully.

      Thank you also for providing hope for other males out there, that justice can be served. Am really pleased that this has happened to you!!

    2. @Laap,

      Dearest Julian

      Your are not “just a male” you are a wonderful father, a good MAN, eventually people will see the flawed ways of the other party if you continue to “be true to yourself, because it’s the only way you know how to be”, their masks shall fall. I am so incredibly happy for you!! (( high fiving you and big hugs from CA!!)) Your judgement gives me hope!! Sorry for the delay in answering, apparently either my email or WordPress, likes to send me 25 -50 emails once a week and then I have to go through them, and I am like “holy moly” and I get behind. So I am changing emails. Also I am in the middle of getting papers drawn up to go back to court. 😔, but that’s another story! Let’s celebrate in your life? So now what? Any new changes for you! Going back home to Germany? I believe it was?

  16. Not everything is all bad here. I am actually diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome, have been for 18 years. I was relatively naive and inexperienced in the dating world when I came across this one girl though. Upon reflection of it, I can say she is a sociopath.

    The most important differences I can tell you is that most others diagnosed with Aspergers (Aspie for short, and I do communicate with some others that are diagnosed) are very moral and dislike lying intensely. Since an Aspie can be literal in their way of thinking, as sarcasm goes over their head and they are easy targets for predators. I have learned how to detect lies through some courses I took in college, and my brother was very sarcastic, so I am able to pick up on some sarcasm as a result.

    I remember meeting this young Asian girl a couple months after a break up with someone else. This happened over a year ago. She was taking a course at a univeristy here where I live and her tuition was being funded by her government. I also had the attention of a few other girls and some were chasing me, but this one seemed to take an interest in me right away. We met another group of people the same night (was a meetup) and the group of us went out dancing after. I noticed this girl couldn’t handle her alcohol and she really liked dancing. She tried to kiss me at one point during the night and I rejected the advance until I dropped her off at home.
    The next evening the group of us were hanging out again and she arrived much later than everyone else. During a conversation me and her had, I found out she was in a relationship with another guy.

    I started dating one of the other girls and was only able to see her once a week. This girl was a much better option and was far more mature in retrospect, but I of course was already hooked by this Asian girl. I knew I shouldn’t have gone any further, but I did anyway. After dating this mature girl for a few weeks, I ended up sleeping with the Asian instead after going out one night (even receiving a text from the girl i was dating to come over) This resulted in a nasty argument with the mature girl when I came clean to her. Since we were apparently not exclusive, she was willing to forgive and even told me to smarten up. I self-destructed and pushed the mature girl away so that she wouldn’t get hurt any further. Of course, the damage was done when I did that and I was asked to never contact her again. The Asian girl had apparently left her boyfriend a week before we slept together, but conveniently went back to him afterwards. Words cannot describe how devastated I was.

    I told her I wasn’t going to hang out with her anymore, and was even prepared to leave the group of friends behind as well. I didn’t see any positive outcome from her being around and hanging out frequently with another guy friend in the group that she was now getting touchy-feely with. She then wanted to meet up face-to-face to talk. She somehow became empathetic and convinced me not to leave for the sake of the rest of the group. I somehow stuck around and she used sex to keep me around her as well.
    A couple weeks later, she went cold on me again and I decided I had enough and told a friend in the group what was going on. Shortly after, I opened up to everyone else as well. To my surprise, they opened up to me their concerns about her and even told me how she acts when I am not around (making out with random guys at night clubs). When asked about me, she made excuses to them. Even the guy who she got touchy-feely with was weary of her.

    This went on for a four more months (this would have been two months at this point and my absenteeism at work was becoming a problem too). The dating and seeing eachother stopped and somehow we stayed friends until the other guy from our group moved to another city. The group of us started to drift away. Of all the people in the group, she was the girl people stopped keeping in touch with.

    The breaking point came when I suffered a concussion and she offered me to come on a road trip with her and a girl and two guys she just met. I was dumbfounded by this and even asked her what was going on with her boyfriend to which she said she was mad at him and ready to dump him. I bumped into her and one of these guys and noticed she was getting touchy feely with him. I asked her if she was interested in him and she got defensive. I bumped into this guy the next night again and he asked me how I knew her. I told him it was personal and he mentioned something that sounded very similar to when I met her. I now caught her in a lie and knew what she was going to do with this guy.

    The two were supposed to come out to an event that I was hosting, but I told them both not to come (he was ok with my decision however, and i gave him a small warning about her). She got nasty with me and told me I was worse than her boyfriend. I was shocked when she went beyond that calling me a piece of shit. I was also suffering from the post-concussion symptoms and severe anxiety at the time and she took advantage of how hard I was on myself for what was happening. I started going through a bout of depression afterwards. Shortly afterwards, i was forced on medication to control the concussion symptoms, I went through counselling and started going to church. My life has drastically improved since as I have also stopped drinking, and managed to stop smoking as well. My absenteeism improved and I still have my job.

    Despite the story, the reason I believe she was a Sociopath (or maybe her boyfriend) was the following:

    -Her boyfriend was a PhD student and already making a six-figure income. Despite how “poorly” she claims he was treating her, she was never going to leave him when he has those credentials.
    -I was obviously not the first person she cheated on her boyfriend with. There is no doubt in my mind that she never left her boyfriend, but did tell me that she did. She did confirm that there were others before me and she never left the boyfriend. Apparently some fell for her and “leaving them was the best decision she made”
    -She tried to leave the boyfriend, but he would apparently manipulate her into staying.
    -Was always late for events or would simply no show. You wouldn’t even get an update as to why it happened, or she would tell you well after she was supposed to show up that she wasn’t making it.
    -Didn’t want me opening up about what was going on with anyone due to fear of other people gossiping. Yet she convinced me into staying around with the group and even told me she would have told them anyway if chose to walk away. I didn’t trust the words she might use however.
    -She had a high sex drive, and so did her boyfriend apparently.
    -Everytime i caught her in a lie or knew something about her that she didn’t want me to know, she flipped the cards and wanted me to believe I was stupid and naive. Apparently the boyfriend did the same to her.
    -Used my Aspergers Diagnosis against me several times, and even disregarded my meltdowns that she would even be the cause of herself.
    -She didn’t pay bills.
    -very playful in text messages and conversations (more her flirting style than anything else), and very sexual at the same time (not flirting, just trying to get your attention)
    -Played dumb, even though I was eventually able to see that she knew exactly what she was doing.

    I am actually in a happy relationship now with a like-minded Christian girl, and I thank God that she has come into my life 7 months ago. She gives me love freely and respects my boundaries and I respect hers. I give love freely to her as well. The best part is she doesn’t ask for what I give to her, and I never ask her as well. This is what love should be like, but it is very rare.

  17. Hello everyone,
    I’m a female on here and writing simply to acknowledge that the symptoms are all the same, the gender seems completely irrelevant.
    Manipulative, narcissists love only themselves, period. Male or female it doesn’t matter, they use people, and it’s particularly damaging when it’s done under the banner of “love”. Never let them blame you for their actions. They lie to everyone, they manipulate everyone and they try to blame everyone else for their misfortune. Female parasites are still parasites.

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