Sometimes, if i had not been here, as often as I would have liked, I would come back to the site, with a lot of comments to go through. There were a few particular comments recently that were aimed at a reader. This person (the ex) had tracked her down to this site, and had found her comments.
Whether this was found by hacking her email, or by intense snooping and stalking, I do not know. The comments were written in May 2014, the reader had not heard from her ex since October 2013. He had moved on and in with someone new.
I wrote to the reader to warn that I think it was her ex who had found her at the site, and to warn her to tighten up her passwords etc, if necessary. I also sent the comments to her and asked if I could have permission to write this post. As I do think that there will be many of you, who would have heard identical words.
Bear in mind – that this person had not heard from their ex at all since Oct 2013…. he had moved on and moved in with someone new. Yet he went to great lengths to track her down.
Sociopaths HATE losing control – the reader had moved away and moved on with her life. He doesn’t know where she is. I hope that I write this with sensitivity, and that if the ex is still reading this site – she doesn’t post here anymore. What I am about to write, needs to be said because
- You all say the same thing
- Your patterns repeat
- We could have all dated the same person
- I can guarantee – that there will be more than just me – that these comments could have been written to. As you clearly cannot take responsibility and see what you have done wrong, and that it is all someone else’s fault. I am going to respond to your comments (that have not been published before), of what I think you are REALLY saying – behind your flowery language.
Here goes…. never before published (some identifying details have been changed for protection of identity)
Wow, I was ur husband and maybe u should tell the truth about how u cheated when u went to work and I have u know she still has here house and car iv taken nothin from her as I didnt u I paid u and u couldnt even face me in court my life is great now im in a much better place mentally and financially ur right my family accepted her as hers did me she doesnt make problems for people and families like u did, im vlad to have my friends my family my integrity and a smile on my face just knowin u didnt destroy me like I told u u wouldnt even ur frien say ur crazy I did love u carly and would still b with u if u hadnt tried to do what u did to me, I dont know where u r nor do I care like I told u before I dow
What this is really saying
How dare you tell the truth about me?
I was your husband (therefore I owned you)
You are a liar
The person I am with now – still has her car and house – (I haven’t taken it YET) – so this further proves you are a liar – I have taken nothing from her (yet) – (so this proves that I hadn’t from you).
You have THAT allegation wrong, therefore what else you say is wrong (trying to disprove the credibility of the reader and isolate her from support)
I paid you, and you couldn’t even face me in court (She had taken him to court to get money back he owed her, he offered to pay a lesser amount to what she was owed, and she just took that rather than drag it out and go through court with him)
I am great now, and am in a much better place financially and mentally (it was being with you, that brought my financial problems and made me act the way that I did, this is all your fault) I am so great and so happy…… I am looking for you online :) :) :)
My family accepted her, as hers did mine – (there are issues within my family and I am desperately searching for a way to resolve this within myself) – (now I am lying again to you, to make you think, that the reason that there were issues before, was because of YOU not ME)…
She doesn’t make problems for families and people like you did (how dare you tell people about me) – This is all YOUR fault.
I am glad to have my Friends, family, Integrity (I laughed out loud at this one) and a smile on my face…. (you are smiling so much and life is so amazing and fabulous you are tracking down your ex online)
You didn’t destroy me like I told you you wouldn’t (this is why months later I have found you online and have written to tell you how happy I now am) – I am not happy at all, and I never will be. But I want YOU to believe I am very happy. Therefore this is YOUR fault.
Even your friends say you are crazy (now trying to give the impression that her friends are betraying her and talking behind her back – the truth is more likely he doesn’t even know where she is, he likely hasn’t spoken to her friends, this is a lie…. designed to make her feel bad about herself. Sociopaths often say ‘everyone says’…. ) Yeah sure!!
And now for the real humdinger…. :) :)
I STILL LOVE YOU – AND IF YOU HADN’T DONE WHAT YOU DID, I WOULD STILL BE WITH YOU! (it’s all YOUR fault), the reader told me she is happy, rebuilding her life, and moving on with her life. She wasn’t thinking about him at all….. while he… was making efforts to find HER
I don’t know where you are and nor do I care – I HATE LOSING CONTROL. I HATE IT THAT I DO NOT KNOW WHERE YOU ARE AND I HAVE LOST CONTROL OF YOU. I WAS YOUR HUSBAND, I OWNED YOU…. YOU WERE MINE…..I CARE VERY MUCH THAT I DO NOT KNOW WHERE YOU ARE…. SO I HAVE DONE ALL I CAN TO FIND YOU ONLINE AND SAY HELLO!!!!!!….
He posted the comment….. but then must have realised that his comment hadn’t gone through it wasn’t authorised (and still isn’t). So he wrote another further comment. Which just displays that his emotional maturity is that of a 12 year old girl.
U cant even tell the truth about ur name do u even know what it is or how its spelled, its (name changed by me) Karly with a K not Carly tell the truth for once in ur life these people dont know u and theres not even a reason to lie to them,,
:) :) :) :) :)
This was the best that he could come up with as a final response. Like a child… he had to have one final rant. Just to prove, that you are the liar, I am the person telling the truth.
This is how they operate. I can guarantee that I won’t be the only person that could have received this in an email or text. Or even a comment online. What he is trying to do (and often, unless the victim gets support, this can be effective) is to:
- Discredit the victim
- Blame the victim
- Pretend that his new life is very happy (and hopes yours is miserable)
- Is goading for a response, or a reaction – in fact ANYTHING rather than being ignored
- Tries to isolate the victim from current support
- Is continuing to lie, and paint the victim as a liar – and…. here is the PROOF (you changed your name)…. see???
Ugh, honestly. They act and operate like children when they cannot get their own way. For someone who is still in the hearts and flowers and rose coloured specs, and still ‘in love’… this can be effective. The victim protests their innocence and how it ‘wasn’t really like that’, this just gives further emotional energy to them,so that the cycle can continue.
If you have been lured back in, read this – does it make sense to you? Have you received a letter/text/email just like this one, of similar content? If you have, know that this is about only two things
- The need to be in control
- The need to win
Nothing else. If the victim did respond, the other party might have played the game for a little bit more – or completely rejected her, just because he could or to punish her, to teach her a lesson for speaking out about him.
They hate being discovered, and they hate losing control. In this readers case, she had gone to great lengths to get right away from him. Moving away, hiding her identity, everything that she could do.
I guess he hated that….
What are your thoughts? Have you experienced similar correspondence? I know that I have….. just to show you how they all repeat the same thing. Often they boomerang back (if they can).