1-1 Private Consultation and Support


Whilst group therapy, and talking in a group is really successful (I am a very big fan of it) I am aware that it is not for everybody. Some people would prefer to have private contact. For many reasons

  • Privacy
  • Fear of your ex finding your information online
  • Needing more time and attention on a one to one basis
  • When your first language is not English and you do not feel comfortable writing comments on the site
  • For any other reason

If anybody would like 1-1 private consultation and support. I can offer either half an hour or hourly direct support online via Skype.   .

When I receive an email from you, I will then send you a 1-1 and risk assessment form. This information is kept strictly confidential, as per Data Protection Act (UK). I can offer support with the following

  • Coaching – helping you if you are feeling ‘stuck’ and finding it difficult to move on
  • Counselling (Person Centred and Gestalt)
  • CBT
  • Somebody to talk to, who understands without any judgement
  • Helping you to rebuild, and to heal from the past in the most healthy way
  • If you would like counselling, to work on why you were targeted, to look at what is at the core of what happened to you and to work with you through healing
  • To bring focus and attention back to you
  • To empower you, and help you to find the magic within
  • Reality if you are feeling lost and confused
  • Somebody who is there, who will be there for you, confidentially

Sessions can be via Skype.

Why do I ask you to complete a support and RA form?

I am used to working in a certain way with people. It is good for me (and you) to

a) know about you, and to understand what it is that you want/need to achieve, and where you need to get to. To understand background information

b) Understand that I cannot work with certain mental health conditions, and it would be dangerous for me to do so. Even in my own work, in workplace setting, I would signpost certain groups to other agencies for support. I will tell you if this is the case, and offer recommendations of who to contact for support.

c) I also cannot work with anyone who is under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Again, this is for reasons of your safety and mine

My experience, qualifications and understanding

  • Over 25 years working with a diverse range of people. Many of whom were broken with nothing when we began working
  • Over 15 years experience of support planning and working
  • Over 15 years experience of working with people on a 1-1 basis (in advice, guidance and support)
  • Is DRB cleared to work with vulnerable people (certificate can be sent upon request, that is renewed annually in the UK)
  • Over 25 years experience working with vulnerable groups
  • Qualifications in Counselling and Life Coaching, work place experience over a number of years
  • Professional training and working with DV cases

What will you need to bring with you? 

When working with me, please bring a pen and a piece of paper. I might set goals for you, which will come from you, dependent on what it is that you wish to achieve. You might only need someone to listen to you, someone to be there for you, someone to talk to. Or you might really want to move forward with your life, and are tired of giving so much of your life and energy to somebody who abused you. For those people, we can work in a dynamic way. I will use coaching skills, and this change will come from you, you know more about what you want than I do. You are in the driving seat, I will merely help and guide you.

I work, (and always have done) individually with each person. How I work with you, will really depend on who you are, and what you want/need to achieve.

It is important that we both feel, that we are a good ‘fit’ together. For you to feel comfortable working with me, and for me to feel comfortable working with you. People connect differently with different people, this is normal and absolutely fine . I work in quite a dynamic way, often thinking ‘outside of the box’ particularly when someone is really stuck. To me, there are no problems, only solutions. I give 100% to my work and am passionate working with people.

Sometimes, all it is that is holding people back, is fear. They stand still for fear of making another mistake. This is particularly true for those who were abused by a psychopath/sociopath. Other times they are held back by historical issues, that have sometimes been present since childhood.

The most important thing that you would bring would be yourself!! It is all about YOU!

Is there any commitment?

No. Work with me for as long or as short period as you would like. If you want to finish at any time, this is fine too. The first half an hour session is free. So that you can get to know me, and how I work, and I can get to know you.

Will you ask for anything from me at the end?

Yes if you could complete a customer feedback survey (not too long) this would be great. Any feedback is valued.

Will you keep any information?

Yes, I keep accurate file notes, and the initial 1-1 paperwork. Also feedback survey at the end. You are welcome to a copy of this at any time. Information will be kept confidential and would never be disclosed to anyone else. At the end of working together you can ask for any information about you to be destroyed. I am happy to do this. Records would only be kept, for purposes if you wished to work with me again in the future, for continuity of service. Again, you can ask if you do not want this.

Please contact me if you are interested in this service. My email is datingasociopath@hotmail.co.uk

42 thoughts on “1-1 Private Consultation and Support”

  1. After a restraining order I came back to the same thing … I need to get out . He says I am bipolar (bpd ) I now realize I should have stayed away … Please help me

      1. Should you hire a private investigator to seek the closure they wont give you , since they are liars that keep you in check , waiting with their lies

    1. Never go back after a restraining order because you have shamed them with the order and now they are back to get revenge and not reconciliation

  2. I have a big problem and don’t know what to do. my sociopath x won child custody 3 years ago and i been in and out of court, he says i’m crazy, he manipulated all the professionals and he has alienated her from me and the rest of the family, he is brainwashing her against me she is 9 now and it breaks my heart i can’t protect her. he has used the social and painted me in a bad light even without any evidence they constantly listen to his lies and don’t understand whats happening. Her guardian may recommend a psychologist to speak to my daughter but i know that if i can’t get social worker to understand she will say it’s not needed. she’s doing a section 37 on him and he will just sail through it i know, then i be in and out court for the next 9 years please help xx

    1. Hi Abs, what a horrible situation to go through. As you say S.37 I presume that you are in the UK?

      I have worked a lot with social services on child protection cases, sat on core group, and attended court. So I think I understand how it works.

      What I don’t understand is how did he get to have custody? Do you have access? What Is your relationship like with social services? My advice is always in the first instance, build a good relationship with your daughters social worker (not him) don’t go through him (or the guardian) – don’t react to him. As this will just fuel his fire – build your own relationship with them. Please can you email me datingasociopath@hotmail.co.uk I would like to help you, but need further information, you might not want to write online. Nikki x

  3. Abs, that’s horrible! I hope you are able to make the court see the truth and get your child back! I can only imagine what you are going through. My ex was an abusive psychopath. We share joint custody which has made my life a nightmare. Our divorce was extremely costly and it continues to be- because he continues to make false claims and complete lies and takes me to court every few months- even after the divorce. He uses his false claims in court– by trying to use his emails as proof– which are filled with false statements. He creates lies and just plain “craziness”. He lies to the judge, the GAL, the therapist, the police, the lawyers, etc. He makes himself out to be the victim. Every day I worry– what could happen if the court acts on his false claims. It is very scary! I worry the same thing could happen to me. I have heard this is very common. 😦

    1. I am sorry that you are going through this too sara. From what i understand for those with children it is a special kind of hell particularly when you are dragged through court x

    2. thanks Nikki and Sara. i will never give up and sara that’s exacty what my x does lies to all and makes confusion a makes out he’s the victim, i’m the crazy one loads false allegations and he likes to rub it in my face and smirks. xx

  4. I’m almost certain I fell for a sociopath. This guy was super intelligent, charming with a great sense of humour. However, he was also manipulative. We were long distance so we would text a lot. Most morning he would send me texts saying he was thinking of me, how he could see himself falling in love with me, meanwhile I’m almost certain he would say the same thing to other girls.

    His texts became sexual very fast, I didn’t want to go there but he would get angry. He would tell me by not opening up to him sexually, it meant I didn’t trust him and he couldn’t open up to me. He cut off all contact from me for one week and came back telling me he couldn’t stop thinking of me. I felt flattered and thought maybe it was actually true (I was dumb). That same day, his manipulation began, he started telling me I didn’t truly like him. I thought I owed him something and quickly it became sexual to the point that we ended up having phone sex.

    Of course I’m not that stupid, I know when someone truly cares, they respect your pace, but I was smitten with him, and blinded by lust, to the point where I actually felt stupid for falling for his games. Soon, that wasn’t enough, he began requesting photos of my breasts. I feel super embarrassed writing this, because I was never this person. I never fell for this crap in the past but with this guy, it’s like I was hypnotized. After much protesting, eventually a few days later I sent him one. To make a long story short, I was messaging him and saw him online, yet he wasn’t responding to me which made me upset. So I told him he never cared about me, if he did he wouldn’t ignore me. He wrote back telling me I was being paranoid and he was going to delete my number. I told him he was doing that now because he finally got what he wanted, knowing that I had fallen for him. He ignored me a couple days later, I sent him a final message telling him I had in fact fallen for him, but he just played with my emotions. I told him I deserved better. He read it and ignored it.

    So basically, I fell for the manipulation, always in the back of my mind knowing he may very well be a sociopath..he had all the traits. But I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. He was able to manipulate me into believing he cared for me, manipulated me into doing things I would have never done in the past. He turned everything around on me, making me believe I was the crazy one and then completely ignored me and discarded me and my feelings. Would you say he’s a sociopath or am I wrong? Thanks for reading.

    1. honey bee, (this is the nickname my ex-sociopath used to call me lol)

      I’m sorry that happened to you. What you are describing sounds like it could be a sociopath (Antisocial Personality Disorder) or even a narcissist (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). Even some male Borderlines (Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD) behave like that. They prefer long-distance romances (because they’re afraid of engulfment) and they quickly try to make the female believe they’re in love and want to get married. Then they claim that you never loved them (because they want to hear you tell them you do). Then they cut off contact, and later try to resume contact, as though nothing happened, and if you try to address what they did, then they blame you for being the person who instigated the problem (sometimes they get hysterical to create a diversion away from the true issue, which is their lies or cheating). Then they try to say you’re the crazy person. Regardless, your guy is/was an @$$hole, and he’s not worth one more moment of your time, attention or consideration. You learned a valuable lesson. No intimate photos exchanged EVER, not even after your engaged or married (because should you ever divorce, you can expect those photos to be shown in a court of law to the judge, opposing counsel, everyone in their firm, and anyone else in the courtroom who happens to be there that day(s)). You also have to be careful with Skype…you never know if your skype call is being recorded by the person on the other end, so don’t do anything sexual over skype that can land you on a revenge porn website. Not kidding.

      I’m guessing your long-distance loser never sent you any sexy photos of himself, did he? That’s just a guess on my part. Also, did you ever visit him where he lived? Did you ever see where he worked? This is the kind of behavior married-losers will engage in. They want a thrill outside their marriage, so they use texting apps, IMing, Skype, Whatsapp, kik, snapchat, etc. to conduct their extramarital affairs.

      The label you place on him isn’t important (to you). However, it is important that you research the behavioral traits of all the Axis II/Cluster B personalities so you can become acquainted with how they behave (forget the lists from the DSM…they’re only helpful for clinicians and don’t tell non-clinically trained people what to look out for).

      There is one good book (I’ve read a dozen or so) that really helps people distinguish which personality disorder an individual suffers from. It’s called Dangerous Personalities by Joe Navarro (former FBI criminal profiler). While all the other books on sociopathy, psychopathy, and narcissists were interesting, that book was the most helpful because of the checklists it includes at the end of each of the four chapters (NPD, BPD/HPD, AsPD, PPD or Paranoid Personality Disorder). You can find it on Amazon and elsewhere.

      Anyway, I hope that helps. Wishing you the best. Recovering from something like this isn’t easy, that’s for sure. However, it really does force one to open their eyes and pay attention going forward.

      Oh, and that reminds me…in the healing stages from something like this, you’ll be very vulnerable to another sociopath/narcissist, so be careful who you meet until you’ve recovered. Sociopaths and psychopaths can spot a wounded person in a crowd, just like a lioness can spot a wounded gazelle out of all the hundreds on animals on the savannah. ❤

      1. First off all, sorry for my late reply! Thank you, Paul for your insight. I really feel stupid that I fell for this, I even studied psychology in university so you would think I would know better than to fall victim to a loser like this. But the scary thing is, they really do have a way of making you believe they’re genuine. As for my pictures, you’re right, but my face is cut off so that gives me some comfort. I would never send pictures like that with my face in them. I never thought I would send pictures like that in any way, but I let the manipulation get to me. I did learn my lesson and I’m glad we’re no longer in contact. If he ever does try to contact me I will block him on the spot. I will never fall for something like this again. For the time we were talking, he turned me into a different person, it’s scary. I was never the girl who would send pictures like this even when someone tried that in the past. It makes me shudder to think what these people are capable of. I was always good at detecting when guys were phony, for a few weeks afterwards, I felt like a total idiot for having fallen for his lies. But I’m better now. I’ve recovered. Thank you for your words 🙂

      2. Forgot to answer your questions, I have never visited his home or workplace, but I know he isn’t married. I doubt he has the capability to fall in love with someone.

    2. Hi. bc im a curious type, and digging into more and more, how to take narcissism out, or at least down some, I read your post. I ask really direct question sometimes, just bc im curious. Not bc im trying to “judge” or something. Idk how old you are although I do wonder but I just had to ask….and idk how long the online relationship lasted but in that time frame, did you not ever actually get onto skype or some video app with this guy? I ask bc one of the ways on fb through the years i have been able to determine who is real and who is not, is to pretty much immediately begin telling person I really love to video chat in getting to know someone. or however one might want to convey. Trust me. If a man is unwilling to do that with someone they are saying they are “falling for”, buy nothing they say. Just be polite leaving

  5. Hi,

    I started reading about psychopathy because my ex told me I was such a psycho and i believed him, so I wanted to get better, maybe get some professional help. But as I began to read about this i realized that maybe he is the psychopath/sociopath/narcissist (I don’t quite get the difference).

    I broke up with him a week ago and now he is telling me he had never been this depressed and that he fainted yesterday because he is so sad. I know I feel horrible, sad and like an idiot.

    It’s such a long story I don’t even know what to tell or who to talk to but your blog has help me a lot. Thank you

    1. I am a survivor who has my sexy psychopath in jail…I am very sure he may have done something years ago that I must research before I disclose.I. I am really glad I have the upper hand…I don’t want to live like I did when he was here…

  6. Hi I am looking for some help/support. I have recently split up with my partner, who I was with for 18 months and reading this site I am convinced he is a sociopath. When we met he was full of fun, always going out for meals/drinks/cinema etc he wasn’t in the best state with a home or his finances. (He was in a scatter flat and his credit rating was zero) I got wrapped up in him very quickly and we started living together, he worked nightshift but very soon started to make excuses not to work. I fell pregnant a few months after we met (my wee boy is now 16 weeks) things were great (or so I thought!!) as the relationship progressed I was so in love and thought expecting a baby would have completed our little family! I then found out he had addictions (cocaine & Valium being the worst) he would get so angry over nothing, especially if things didn’t go his way, would only work when he could be bothered but on good days he was good!! We got a flat and I got a loan to furnish it plus to buy things for our new baby. He worked hard for a few weeks and had a good bit of money sitting but then went on a bender and blow the money, which was my fault because I was nagging him (only nagging about having no gas/electricity/food) we were arguing a lot but he always seemed to twist things to make them my fault. Eventfully I left the flat and went to my mums 8 months pregnant, he was making out he wasn’t well and needed to see a psychiatrist. Anyway cut a very very long story shorter, I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy with him & my mum by my side (hormones were all over the place and I loved him more than anything and all I wanted was my family!) went back to the flat when my son was a few weeks old and the same situation was happening so I moved back to my mums with my son last month and have been here ever since. I found out he had been on dating sites (tinder / plenty of fish) when I left to stay at my mums the first time also when I was pregnant. I was heartbroken but his words to me were, yeah I was on these sites chatting to girls but not when you were in getting induced but can’t say more for before or after it!!!! He comes and see his son for 10/15mins most days but will sit on these sites and chat to girls rather than spend the time with his son it hurts me so much. I am currently waiting to see a mental health nurse as he has totally F***ed my head. Sad thing is I still love him & miss him so much and struggle to get my head around the way he has treated me with the name calling, punching holes in doors, not giving me money, using dating sites. I feel I need him most days but I have to ask myself what does he do for me apart from leaving me with debt and a single parent. He doesn’t have many friends, doesn’t bother with his family and longest relationship was with me. If anyone can help me on this it would be much appreciate. X

  7. Reading thses stories would give women and men insite to these sociopath Its an eye opener.Please continue ,who ever own this site.I am like all wash up ,weak,cry a lot ,I am so unhappy. I have been with this guy for (12)years.My job takes me away from home for five days or sometimes two week or even a month.Last year he and his daughter move in with me.Their building was sold ,we live in Newyork and its a bit hard to get apts that OK with your budget…its expensive.I was getting these strange feelings could not put my finger on it.I went on vocation and left a video can in my apt…. Boy was I in for a surprise…cut a long story short.. I caught him making a date with a Debbie to hook up….I let that slide…one day he’s hot and the next he’s cold… He works no where….he buys me nothing…he liessssss constantly…. He take and take and gives nothing in return.I have reach the point that I want him gone but he’s saying he don’t have no where to go.His daughter don’t want him either…….but I now understand what and who I am dealing with.

  8. i am wondering how far he will go to stop me continuing with police charges. he began with texting nasty messages to a family member and i have seen him turn up at my work.

    1. Do not stop with police charges lilly. It is important that he sees you are not scared of him he cannot bullly and control you. Report him for harassment. Don’t stop. Otherwise he won’t stop. No communication with him report to police. Keep going lilly

  9. thanks positivagirl

    i will try keep strong. though it is difficult at the moment. it feels like his behaviour is wearing me down. i won’t give up with the police charges. i have a bad feeling if i do he will try take me back.

    1. Yes he is trying to break you down. Remember..no contact with him keep your communication with support for you and police
      You can do this! 🙂 he will (hopefully) get bored eventually.

  10. should i be worried if i see someone loitering in staff carpark and wait in their car before i decide to drive away

    1. Can I clarify what you are saying Lilly? That someone is waiting in the staff car park in their car, and then they follow you as you drive away, or they are still sat in their car?

  11. i believe was attempting to follow me. i waited them out. the behaviour of the person was odd. they were not dressed in work uniform and appeared out of the darkness as i walked outside to my car. person waited in their car running then when i didnt leave he got out and put his bag in the boot while glancing at my car as i sat in it. it took 5mins before he left when i refused to drive away.

    1. It would be impossible to know lilly bit it does sound as if you are being very effected by your ex. That he has made you feel anxious and on edge. Is the car park a locked one or could anybody drive into it?

  12. anyone can drive in. i am sure i have seen him turn up during daytime at least once, before i started my shift. was folowed once from work late last year. i am anxious. i remember how volatile his behaviour could be. and he always liked control he probably doesnt like the cops wanting to talk to him either

    1. That must make you feel on edge Lilly. I also think that this is a sign of how on edge and anxious this is making you feel, which is not good for you. Have you seen your doctor also to talk things through?

    1. Your safety is of most importance, so if you genuinely believe that it is him. Do you have CCTV in the car park that could be checked? If proven, could be passed to police? However, after an abusive relationship, it is also common for someone to be hyper vigilant as you needed to be while in the relationship. It can take some time to return to normal. Always trust your instincts.

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