I had asked on my Facebook Page, if there was anything that somebody would like me to write about, and somebody asked me the question:
do they know/realize what they are doing…do they knowingly plan all of their actions?
When I came out of the relationship with the last sociopath, this was a question, that I had asked myself. After all, I was so hurt, and felt so betrayed, that this kind man (to my face) with kind eyes and a smile, could possibly have betrayed me in such a way. I was also stunned and confused.
The answer is quite simple. Yes sociopaths do know exactly what they are doing. They come into your life with an agenda, and they leave with one too. What the sociopath doesn’t plan for, and the part that seemingly seems to misfire in the brain, is the long term consequences of their actions.
Sociopaths are great at short term goals, but they are not too brilliant when it comes to planning long term. They are more opportunistic. They are predators. They have an agenda that they want to fulfil, and they think in the first instance, in terms of short term goals. (what can they get what is in it for me). Their focus, is on getting what they want, in the easiest way possible, without getting caught. Sociopaths really suffer with boredom, so they can spend a long time, planning how they can get what they want, by lying, being deceptive and manipulative.
The sociopath does not ever (even if they say that they don’t) not know what they are doing They know absolutely what they are doing. What can happen, is that they can become so caught up in their own lies, that they are forced to lie and manipulate further, than they had originally intended, to escape detection from the original lie.
This can quickly escalate and spiral out of control. The sociopath is always, manipulative and cunning, they think of their own needs. When going into a situation they ask two things
- What’s in it for me
- How can I achieve my agenda to get what I want?
The sociopath will then tell a lot of lies, will be manipulative and deceptive, to get exactly what they want. However, during this time, the lies tend to ‘snowball’. Of course, additional to this, there are your own reactions. That the sociopath has to also deal with.
It can seem quite incredible, that the person who is pretending to be the ‘love of your life’ is in fact, behind your back, being manipulative and deceptive, doing all that they can to look after their own selfish needs.
As they do not think long term. They are not thinking about spending the rest of their life with you. Or how this will affect you, or what the long term consequences of their actions will be.
It can seem that often, they do actions which make no logical sense at all. As if they go the long way about achieving anything in life. Often, for many low functioning sociopaths, they do not achieve anything at all, instead going round and round in a vicious circle.
You might have taken the sociopath back after a break when lies were uncovered, and hoped that things would change. Afterall, the sociopath has made promises that they will change. So, do they plan, when coming back to you, to repeat the exact same behaviour over again?
I think in this instance when the sociopath has lured you back in for a second time, or however many times they have came back. Each time they put on a fresh mask. They are on their best behaviour. In their own minds, they might still have an agenda to fulfil that they haven’t yet got from you (a source for supply). Often, they can come back with good intentions, that this time things will be different.
Of course, the sociopath cannot really fulfil this desire to be different, and swiftly things return to how they were before.
Why do they repeat the same behaviour, if they have promised that they will change, are they just lying?
Not always (at least initially). If you have a source of supply that they want (a roof over their head, money, sex, social connections) this is their focus, and they are prepared to ‘behave’ to get what they want. Or at least feign good behaviour. However things always slip back to how they were before, as they are
- Opportunistic (find it difficult to resist temptation)
- Selfish and self motivated
- Game players
They might come back into the relationship, and their need for supply, might simply be ‘your company’. Yes, sociopaths can enjoy company of people, just like anyone else. They can also feel a sense of attachment to people. Especially if those people are useful to them.
When does the planning begin?
The planning can begin at either
- Assessment stage, at the beginning of a relationship
- If they have lured you back, and there is further supply that they want from you
- If they are planning to leave, and they have further supply elsewhere lined up
- If a fresh opportunity for something that they want arises
The sociopath will do everything that they can in their own devious way to get what they want. They will try to do this in what they perceive as the ‘nice’ way. That is smiling to your face,whilst being manipulative and deceptive to get what they want (often without you realising).
If this plan fails, the sociopath will simply ‘take’ what they want from you. They see this as their own right to do so. The sociopath does not really take into account what will be the long term consequences of their actions. They are often too focused on achieving what it is that they want to achieve, to gain what they want.
Copyright datingasociopath.com 2013