YOU ARE PARANOID!!! Three words said by the sociopath, both to you, and about you. In fact, what is happening to you, is so bizarre you actually think that this could be true. Maybe you are losing your mind, maybe you are becoming paranoid?
You start to have ‘odd’ thoughts in your head. Thoughts about other people. Feelings that you have been betrayed. People that you thought were your friends, seem to distance themselves. Or you feel uncomfortable around other people. After a while, you don’t feel comfortable in others company or being out and about, you start to lose your independence and sense of freedom.
Being involved with a sociopath is a difficult task, as they play with your mind. They do this deliberately. The sociopath engineers situations so that you start to question your mind. This is called gaslighting. When the sociopath wants to ‘capture’ you, or if he/she feels that you are escaping (before they are ready to let you go), they will play mental games with your mind. This is not like the emotional abuse of a narcissist, this is often far more subtle (until the narcissistic rage occurs). It is designed to wear you down, and break you.
It isn’t simply ‘weak’ people who are victims to sociopaths. The sociopath also likes a challenge. They enjoy playing the game and like to bring down people who are intelligent and successful, they especially like those who are boastful about what they have to offer (and take). As well as the usual victims, people who are grieving, who are looking for someone to fill a void in their life, people who are lonely, people who are not over their ex, people with their own issues etc….
You might think it is a good trait to be generous, to talk about what you have to offer. To be sharing. It is, unless your partner is a sociopath. They will see this as you offering to give them all that you have (and they will design a strategy to take it).
How paranoia is created
- Accusing you of things that you haven’t done
- Making derogatory comments (very subtle ones), then saying ‘you are being silly’ if you become upset
- Lying and being deceitful, then accusing you of being paranoid if you come close to the truth, and challenge
- Outwardly telling lies, and when you question those lies, feigning hurt and playing victim, to make you out to be the bad guy (why are you so uncaring and cold?)
- Telling you ‘everybody says’… leading you to believe that others are talking about you
- Making comments about friends/Family
If you become upset, or question these things, the sociopath will say that ‘you are being paranoid’. The words that are said to you, the actions that don’t quite match the words, the constant questioning and accusations, all of these things can make you feel paranoid, insecure, it is designed to knock you off balance. When you are off balance, the sociopath then has full control over you, and can manipulate you further.
After the relationship has ended
It is usual after a relationship with a sociopath (especially if you date more than one in a row), to still have these thoughts in your head. This is because:
- You have been emotionally/mentally abused
- Your sense of reality has been played with by continual lying and mind games
- Seeds of negativity have been planted in your head, about you, and everyone and everything around you
- You have been made to feel used and worthless
- Likely you have also been left with not only significant losses, but also isolation
What you need to do to recover
The most important thing that you need to do, is to give yourself TIME. Time is an important word. You might feel lonely, but this is OK, at least initially, it gives you time to focus on you. To become centred and grounded again.
Because the sociopath is expert at knocking you down, of manipulating your emotions, of exploiting your weaknesses, you can lose your sense of reality. In fact you can lose connection to what is real in your world.
Time will give you the following
- Space to re-assess your life with your own eyes, your own thoughts
- Time to focus on you
- Time to make plans for the future (don’t be afraid of the future) – you are a survivor, if you can survive the relationship with the sociopath, you can survive many things in life
- Time to assess what you have learned from the experience, and to make changes within you, and your life to ensure that the same thing does not happen again
- Time to breath and discover who you are
- Time to do what you want, and see who you want, go where you want
- Most of all, time for recovery
It is important that you allow yourself time to heal and recover. This doesn’t have to be a painful experience. You have the capability to make this experience as painful, or painless as you wish.
You are what you think you are. After an abusive relationship, you need to discover you, find that person in the mirror again. Get your thoughts straight.
The best news of all, is that although the sociopaths mind games can make you feel
- Low self esteem and self worth
This can be a time to really take a look at yourself. To use the peace and silence to find yourself. Establish No contact – there is healing in silence. it offers you space to think. Space to find yourself. Most importantly it offers you freedom from being abused further.
When you take the time out for you. You start to see reality, as your mind is no longer being manipulated and controlled. Those little comments that sounded just so ‘innocent’…. there is no more. Yes there is silence, and there can be pain within the healing in silence…. but within that healing space, can come peace of mind.
If you allow it!! Take back ownership of you. The sociopath will hijack not only you, but also your mind. Get out, stay out, and stick to No Contact, you will be surprised, without the manipulation and mind control, how quickly you come back to you. This… is healing in itself. Afterall there is no greater loss, than losing yourself!! 🙂
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