The sociopath truth diaries part one

I am about to write some posts based upon real life dialogue of sociopath seduction.

When I met the sociopath back in 2011 he  didn’t know he was one. Neither did I. 

For some reason I have most of the communication between  us from when we first met. Emails text and facebook logs. He liked to have things written down. Really quickly (within a day) We moved from dating website to Facebook. This correspondence is from Facebook chat and is just the beginning of analysis of what they say and how they give themselves away.

His words to me written 18th December 2011. We had just ‘met’

“I am believe it or not quite an intelligent person. I come across as being intelligently believable but people don’t expect me I don’t think to have that ability in me as I am very private and internal about my achievements. I always like to help someone better themselves. ..because something I have done makes it easier for them”

Can you see what he was doing here? He was giving himself away. Telling me that he is more ‘hidden’ than people believed . It was this that gave him the head start over people as they didn’t suspect him. People do not ‘suspect’ him as he doesn’t seem capable. On the outside he is helpful, caring and charming. You think that he will help you to achieve your goals. The reality is very hidden (private and internal).

Oddly in the very beginning I said to him that I was honest and didn’t like dishonesty. 

I said

“only thing is people aren’t honest. So later down the line it all falls apart because they have tried to be something they are not. What’s the point in that?”

He said

“You are honest and that is a big step in anyone’s life and yes people will prey on your honesty and rip you apart as I and you definitely know. But sometimes someone or even some people come along that don’t want to hurt you in anyway. They just want to make you happy and love you”

Thia statement was very interesting. Already he is telling me how people prey on your honesty and vulnerability. He is reflecting back to me my concerns. He also says at the end the reinforcement statement SOME PEOPLE DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU IN ANY WAY THEY JUST WANT TO MAKE YOU HAPPY AND LOVE YOU.

You will also note how he says being honest is a big step suggesting that it was a step he hadn’t quite reached yet.

Can you see how they tell you exactly what they think you want to hear?

Truth was he would be the biggest liar I had ever met in my life. Yes he preyed on my honesty and ripped me apart.

To be continued… all rights reserved datingasociopath.com

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138 thoughts on “The sociopath truth diaries part one”

  1. Mine promised he would never ever lie to me it was like a ritual he would say daily, why didn’t I see then something was wrong? He too was the biggest liar

      1. Hey Positivagirl, much of your experience correlates with my own. And I’m wondering… did a psychologist diagnose your ex with a sociopathic personality disorder and he just doesn’t care? Thinking that someone could believe they’re a “sociopath” and simply dismissing it really lights a fire under my a**. But I imagine the pull towards selfishness is very strong as they’re constantly being seduced by their own egos.

        I’m also very confused about the differences between a “narcissist” and a “sociopath” these days. A lot of it boils down to perspective, I think.

        But I can’t imagine that a sociopath has zero chance of changing.

        From what I’ve heard and read it’s just after a traumatic event, or during a time of intense struggle, one will become influenced by ego-endorsed ideas that result in megalomaniacal behaviors, lending to delusions of grandeur and creating illusions and false realities. I see that was the case with 2 of my exes who could easily be labeled a “sociopath” and/or “narcissist.” They were also both performers. One a musician and the other a performance artist. Go figure. Narcissism is THICK in the art industry.

        However, with extensive regression therapy, a sociopath should be able to sort out the influences and ideas that birthed this ego-fueled disorder. Over time. I would never suggest that anyone should risk the psychological damage that comes with waiting it out in *hopes* that a sociopath will change. It’s probably best that an actual sociopath refrain from entering a romantic relationship until they’ve gone through committed, extensive rehabilitation.

        Rehabilitation, to some degree, should be possible given that the term sociopathy is refers to a disorder caused by social factors and early environmental circumstances. Whereas psychopathy is believed to be due to psychological, biological, and genetic factors, in addition to environmental factors.

        This has been an ongoing issue for me throughout my life as my mother and sister believe my dad is a sociopath, and possibly a psychopath. And I have always suspected most men of leaning that way, after extensive research into the biology of how men’s brains operate. Especially men raised in the west (i.e. US, EU, Canada) and much of the world, actually.

        I mean… isn’t it strange that this culture celebrates betrothed men going out the night before their wedding to go objectify women together? That’s how he celebrates his love and commitment to a women? By having other T&A in his face and possibly sex with someone else? What the HELL is THAT.
        I don’t get it.

      2. Hi, firstly there is a HUGE difference between a Sociopath and a Narcissist. I started writing this site in early 2013, I stopped writing for a while, and when I returned I have seen some really bad advice out there. Some people thinking that they were with Narcissists (this happened tonight) were actually with a dangerous Psychopath.

        This site, focuses on Sociopathic behaviour, also perhaps Psychopathic as they are very similar only difference is how they are created. I believe that Sociopathy is from childhood, and Psychopathy is born. No matter what the environment is.

        I am going to write a post about the differences between Narcissism and Socio/Psychopathy. So I wont go into too much detail. Most basic, is that Sociopaths do not have a conscience, Narcissists do. Sociopaths fake emotions, Narcissists don’t. Sociopaths are compulsive pathological liars, a Narcissist could be too, but not to the extent of a Sociopath. Sociopaths lie about EVERYTHING. They lie to dupe, con, manipulate and deceive. Sociopaths all follow identical patterns of behaviour (pretty much) although some can be more dangerous and violent than others (personally I believe this comes from what is within you, even sociopaths are individual people. While the patterns might repeat, they are not all the same. That notion would be silly. Like saying everyone who had PTSD was identical, their behaviours might be similar, in terms of the PTSD, but they are all different people behind the symptoms.

        You ask and it is a reasonable question, and one that I once believed in too, could extensive regressive therapy help them? On a logical thought you would think ‘yes’ its in childhood, so fix the childhood and then they are fixed – right?

        No. It doesn’t work like that. Likely therapy will make them more manipulative than they were before. It will sharpen their tools. I will tell you why therapy doesn’t work

        1. They usually don’t think that there is anything wrong with who they are. Even if they do seek help, and some do (mine did), it still doesn’t work.

        2. It doesn’t work as they are compulsive pathological liars. They do not take personal responsibility, so when they see the therapist, they a) lie b) blame someone else c) try to charm the therapist d) start to play games

        3. They get bored, have a lack of long term planning skills, are impulsive.

        4. They don’t do anything unless there is ‘something in it for them’ So why would they bother to do therapy? If they hit a crisis point it might seem like a good idea – but often this will be used as manipulation to control another to think that they are going to get well, and things will imrprove. If their own life hits crisis, they might think its a good idea, but again, once they get there, the lies start, they enjoy getting an emotional response with the therapist, and start playing the game again. Remember that they play the game with EVERYBODY. Literally everybody so how could a therapist heal and fix them

        5. The one who was in my life, is very self aware, I would say that he read everything here, and prior to that, we were learning together when we were together. In 2014 he really DID try – or at least I think he did. But that still didn’t work and the pattern repeated. He even went to therapy (for real) but again, it didn’t work, and the reason it didn’t work was because he was looking to blame someone else, and probably also lying. ALSO remember that they are SECRETIVE they don’t feel comfortable being open and honest. When have you met a Sociopath who is open and honest? How can you work with someone who wont open up> If you wont open up how could those old wounds ever be fixed?

        6. They are also impulsive and opportunistic they get a sense of glee from duping and conning. This would include duping and conning the therapist.

        I know that it seems negative to say that there is no change and cant be. I think those are the biggest barriers. I know with the one I was with, I was so understanding, I tried to channel his mind into other things, it would work for a while, but nothing long term. Only real change was that he became less haphazard, and more adept at manipulating and conning.

        I do think for a short while, he did come out from behind the mask. But not for too long, it isn’t a place that they feel comfortable.

        I hope that this helps! 🙂

      3. It DOES help. Thank you for reminding me about the manipulation tactics.

        I’m fairly positive that my ex of 10+ years is a sociopath (and so is his ex wife) and my ex fiancee [who I left 3 years ago] is a narcissist, but possibly both.

        What can you say about a person who NEVER shows emotion and only one expression. Not even when his father died. Always a quaint smile. Sometimes a smug smile. But that’s it. That’s all he ever shows anyone. And he’s a semi-famous artist in Seattle.
        He’s always hyper focused on reviews about his work and goes on and on about it, his write ups, past and present articles about him, there are giant paintings and prints of himself on his walls. And when I realized that he had cheated on me…. he just smiled.
        It was f***ing creepy. How can someone do that? It was like he sucker punched me in the stomach then calmly smiled that quaint smile, like it was any other day.

        And he was a pro at backhanded compliments, sneaky insults, and was very articulate with the words he used to convince me of how ignorant, uninteresting and small my friends, family and myself all are. He openly stated that he didn’t spend time on anyone that didn’t help to further his career because “Life’s too short and there are far more important things in the world.” In fact, he would pretend to be gay and flirt while talking with a gay art curator with the Seattle Museum of Art. He laughed about it. I told him it was deplorable and he just smiled that smug smile and blew his cigarette smoke in my face while rolling his eyes.

        I still regret not breaking his perfect nose when I last saw him.

        One of his friends told me one day, “I hope you know that your fiancee is as cold as ice. He would probably watch a friend drown, never lift a finger to save him, and never blink an eye.”

        So, zero emotion and yet in love with his own image, meaning his pretty face and his public image. Is that not a narcissistic sociopath?

        Several people asked me, “Why did you start dating him???” and I’ll say, “Because I had misjudged him and the situation entirely. I had initially thought he was thoughtful, kind and even-keeled. But he was a actually just a devious robot. Although, he said all the right things in the beginning, very poetically. He was very seductive in many ways, especially with his words.

        So I’m thinking he has to be both, a narcissist and a sociopath. Right? Or do sociopaths also act like narcissists.

        Also, I was thinking caressivecompulsive might be like a friend/ex roommate of mine who is actually bipolar, but years ago if you described a personality disorder or illness to him he would start believing he was/had it. At one point he told me he thought he might be a sociopath and was very convincing. Then he rolled through several personality disorders looking to self-diagnose, finally becoming suicidal… and was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder and medicated for it. His brother went through the same thing, fixated on trying to self-diagnose, but opted to end his life. That’s why I’m super careful about listening to people try to self-diagnose themselves, which may be what caressivecompulsive is attempting to do. He may very well be a sociopath… but he might just be clinging to any label that seems to fit the bill, so to speak.

      4. He’s that too, actually. He’s always smiling and even in interviews they always mention how “genteel and humble” he is. But it’s a skillful act that he’s honed.

        He is, in fact, a performer. He’s been performing for 20+ years. He has most people fooled, including himself.

      5. Oh, also… I meant to add that after reading about your ex I don’t believe for a second that he was ever sincerely trying to change. I’ve seen that before… with my own father and my ex, who claimed to want to change but ended up using the act of seeking help as proof that they are willing to better themselves -THEREFORE- there is in no way possible that they could be the “horrible person” they’ve been portrayed to be. Again -THEREFORE- the person or people suggested they are in the wrong are actually the faulty party, not them.

        And, to clarify something I wrote… I meant that my sociopath ex’s ex-wife also believes him to be a sociopath, not that she was also a sociopath.

        We actually accidentally met and became friends when she first started dating him. She was the roommate of my close friend’s boyfriend… then one night we both realized that she was dating my ex. Several months later she called and begged me to meet her in secret, at a cafe, and she told me of controlling/manipulative things he was doing to her. She was asking me what she should do. I said, “Demand that he get into therapy or you’ll leave” but I should’ve said, JUST RUN!!!!!!!! Like that Kanye West song (ha..ironically)… RUN AWAY!!!!!

      6. Oh with him he had marked me for money from a legal case. I was really vulnerable. By 2014 the case was coming to a close. So he would do and say whatever he needed to to get what he wanted.

      7. Have you told the full story or described him in detail somewhere in your blog?

        I’m still reading… I just have such little time lately.

        I can relate in many ways… like with losing your baby and ending up alone soon after. I cannot imagine going full term though. Good god. That’s f***ing horrible.
        I was only little over 3 months in and my insides were twisted from endometriosis, I was tearing and bleeding out. The doctors told me I would need to terminate. My and the baby’s life were both at risk… but my ex said to me, “You should have a baby” and continued to urge me using “You” instead of “We” and already talking like I was alone in it.

        Immediately after the procedure he was acting annoyed by being at the hospital, texting his friends who were urging him to meet them at a party. My doctor urged him to stay with me for the night, because I was bleeding a lot. But once he got me to his apartment (crying, and in terrible pain) he left to go party with friends.

        I have found that WE are responsible too though. Responsible for our own welfare and happiness, and to heed warning when we see red flags and follow our instincts. Most people can recall something that didn’t add up in the beginning… like being stood up, sensing an omission or feeling insecure about something we SHOULD feel insecure about. Something that should’ve been addressed. I should’ve left 2 weeks in. I still recall thinking, “I should leave, right now” but didn’t! Dammit!

        It’s a good idea to follow behavior patterns of people who have higher self-esteem and less tolerance for bullshit, since our senses of self preservation clearly were not strong enough to protect us.

      8. That’s odd you should mention that you have just reminded me. He would get upset with me and make a big scene when I used the word I instead of we. I think that was part of the conditioning and brainwashing too. I know reading correspondence I can see how I should have bailed when he left my house after lying deception and theft I should have left him stayed gone.

      9. I don’t know how my comment ended up halfway up the page… (Sorry)
        So I copy-n-pasted it again. Hopefully it’ll show up in the right place this time.

        […]

        Wow. No doubt. And theft??? It’s a shame that he knows about this blog because I imagine that it might feel as though he’s inside your head as you write, sometimes.

        My ex of 10+ yrs did the same to me. “WE” and other control tactics of conquer, divide and isolate. He was soooooo inside my head, controlling my thoughts, that after I FINALLY left him I began to realize, months later, that my taste in music, art, movies and countless things were/are very different from him. Example: I had thought I enjoyed listening to ACDC, but turns out I hate it. I always hated it. We have very little in common. If we still spoke he would belittle and disprove of most of my choices.

        But that’s what they do…. cut you off from yourself, your will, everything that empowers and enriches your life… that didn’t come from his influence.

        I hope this pathetic jackass isn’t still controlling your thoughts in any way.

        I hope you can take full pleasure in music, food, whatever you enjoy that he despises…. Enjoy it to the fullest. And give yourself a toast for doing so.

  2. Very interesting. His first words put me off, ““I am believe it or not quite an intelligent person.” No humility. That right there is a “HUGE” red flag for me in that he thinks of himself higher or better than others. Scary…

  3. Very interesting. You have caused me to start looking back at emails myself. I think its a great educational tool. Thank you.

  4. Lol!
    My ex used to say the same things. How brilliant, yet deeply spiritual, he is. “The best man possible”. A real devotee of love, truth and beauty.
    And much better stuff too, once I started really calling him out on his lies and cheating.

    He, in all seriousness, told me that anything he says or even posts on FB, that I like, is just for me and fully intentional. Anything else is just a joke and must be discounted immediately.
    He got very angry and couldn’t understand why I didn’t accept that and found it insulting…

  5. After i told mine that i had broken up with my previous partner because of infidelity he told me to my face that he could and would never do that (cheat) EVER…..not surprisingly he actually had been, was at the time and continued to do so

    1. That’s funny! Told me the same thing – would never cheat. So many compliments in 10 weeks, calling me for up to 2 hours a day, and then overnight just wanted to be friends and would not speak to me ( OK his 16yr old had gone away for the weekend after he shouted at her and would not come home – but thats no reason to end it with me without a vocal explanation – yes dumped by text )

      1. I started seeing a girl last week, from a dating/hookup site. To cut a long story short I acted like what I believe a sociopath to be and bombarded her with messages after a seemingly innocuous event. Now I’m pretty sure I have completely f***d everything up and may not see her again.

      2. I haven’t expressed that properly, my behaviour just came out of me because of old psychological issues and an inability to deal with emotions. I say behaved like a sociopath because that is the only way it will be viewed, not because I was deliberately mimicking the actions of one.

      3. I don’t know. Jen, the girl in question had just come from a destructive relationship from someone who she absolutely identifies as a sociopath, and she told me that she wasn’t worried because I clearly have empathy, which she says sociopaths can’t feel. Although when cut off, (for a very minor incident which I will recount if you like) I did behave in a sociopathic manner.

  6. IMO it’s a tell, if I may. bombarded her with messages after a “seemingly innocuous” event
    I don’t know about anyone else, but I hope I would recognize that if I were in that situation as a red flag. Just sayin, no offense to anybody.

  7. It’s horrible to say but I also presented with some of the other behaviour you mention, such as –

    You are feeling low about yourself? Do you have a lack of self-esteem? No worries, they will tell you how wonderful, beautiful, intelligent you are.
    D0 you find it difficult to trust? Have you been let down by someone in the past? NO worries, they will show you morals, how moralistic they are, to build trust.
    You are finding life difficult to cope with? No worries they will be the biggest help, they will listen intently, they will be there for you, they will be helpful, useful.

    I mean does a sociopath know they are a sociopath?

    1. With mine In the beginning no. He didn’t know it was the term ‘sociopath’ but obviously he was self aware by what he wrote In this post. Much later he was self aware and tried to change but this was unsuccessful as the patterns always repeat they only stay good for as long as it is suitable to them

      1. I’m not sure how to respond to that. I have seen this pattern repeat 5 or maybe 6 times in my life now. I only ever saw the negative part of it as the weakness of not being able to give someone space without pestering them and the insecurities and whatever other psychological damage or issues that causes that inability to back off. I will always do what I can to build someone up if they feel down or under confident, sing their praises yes but that’s not just women it’s everyone that I care enough to talk to in depth. Which is as fact certainly when I was a little younger pretty much everybody.

      2. Well clearly I have exhibited the behaviours of one. I assume from that comment your opinion is that anyone that acts in the ways you have listed in your various writings is a sociopath and nothing else.

    1. The biggest trait is to use other people to get what you want. The ability to lie. Not just sometimes but all of the time.. the need to destroy someone else. Playing victim to get what you want. Mirroring another person. The need for power and control and to forge dominance bonds over another.

      1. I never lied to her at all, actually quite the opposite. The ‘funny’ thing about this situation is in reading the traits of sociopaths Jen presents with quite a number of these also. And although I haven’t started on narcissism yet I imagine she will present there as well. I’m interested in your take on why I am wrong in this instance as well.

    2. the emotions in cluster B BPD are alloplastic defences, behaviours of a sociopath are stunted to fit in emotionally age 2-6 .hence they are intense but blunted. Tantrums or porn star sex oscillating.
      If a person cares about their behaviour can recognise it as irrational they are not a sociopath. That is how most people reach emotional maturity.
      A sociopath is happy smug and grandiose so quite secure victims of fate etc.
      A sociopath would never seek emotional growth, or feel a need to change and you do.
      Piaget writes about the acquisition of empathy its key stage which can become blunted Ithought trauma or poor nurture.

  8. He has seen this pattern repeat but only saw the “negative part” as .. his own weakness of not being able to give someone space and (his own) insecurities caused him an inability to back off…… however he is always there to build someone up an “sing their praises.” I don’t know too many highly insecure people who do their best to build up other insecure people. This is new for me.

  9. Insecurity doesn’t manifest itself outwardly all of the time. The only time my behaviour becomes this erratic is when I feel as though I am in love with someone. Although I acknowledge you nearly hit the mark. I only recognised my weakness as the “negative part” where someone less selfish would recognise the stress I was putting the other party through as the “negative part” I did have a number of realisations with regards to understanding how selfish I can be this week.

      1. To be fair positiva I didn’t say ‘in love’ per se I actually said ‘felt like I was in love’. There is a big difference. I was and still am obsessed that is for certain, and am openly admitting the fact that what I felt was more than likely a mixture of intoxication, low-self esteem that was first boosted by the fact that someone so awesome seemed to feel anything at all for me, and then a genuine intellectual connection.

  10. What is your opinion Terry on why I am continuing this discussion and also about what a sociopath can do when he or she is open to learning more about the behaviours they are exhibiting and also to changing them?

      1. That’s an interesting take on it. I was just then reading another description of sociopathic behaviour that fits me to a tee. I will be starting sessions with a counsellor and psychologist maybe as soon as next week. If you care to view some evidence of this in my own blog you are welcome to read. Why is it so completely out of the realms of conception that I have become aware of my behaviour and wish to change it? I could right now show you the piece I wrote on the crushing feeling of self-loathing that came along with realising the extent of my selfish behaviour.

  11. My opinion? I feel that if someone is truly trying to change their negative behavior to become a better person (for that reason alone) it’s a very good thing of course.

      1. I’m sorry to hear that positiva. I don’t know you well enough to know how much your trauma with this person or persons has coloured your judgment, especially with your obvious experience and education but for my experience and limited education there is always an exception to the rule, and for some people sociopathic behaviour is a symptom of underlying trauma and conditioning, rather than a malignant and incurable way of being.

  12. And positiva by “building someone up when they are down” I mean to get them to focus or be aware on what the positives and strengths and accomplishments are in their lives in order to help put whatever presenting negative thought or difficult issue it is into perspective. I am naive and ignorant in some ways for sure in my life but the idea of cheering someone up in that manner with the only goal being to insult them or somehow damage them in the future is a little far-fetched.

    However,

    You could look at any behaviour when someone is “helping” someone else (whether it be helping someone push a broken down car to letting the old lady in front of you in line to saying nice things to someone when they are upset etc) you could look at any of these behaviours with the viewpoint that they are doing it only to serve their own means. For most of us we have it drummed into our heads and are highly conditioned to believe that doing good deeds an self-less acts will indeed bring us reward at a greater date. The idea of karma and being a good person for spiritual gain, this is our conditioning as humans, for the most part anyway. You could therefore argue that any of these altruistic behaviours are indeed motivated by selfishness, motivated because deep down we believe that we will benefit from them eventually. One favourite author of mine claimes that it is a massive leap for any human to achieve to go form the place of helping out of duity, to helping out of heartfelt care. He said just to help anyway. I would say that is a little closer to my motivation than a subconcious need to torture someone by f***ing with their heads. Heavens forbid that I truly hate seeing people in pain, that of course would not be possible for a sociopath I assume.

  13. Well for the record Terry my concious self is telling me that the behaviours I have been exhibiting are the product of a mind carrying a hell of lot more issues than I previsouly realised. I have started to write these out as well which is turning out to be fantastic therapy. On top of which I am seeking actual official interactive help from a mental health care professional. You’re right positiva this behaviour is no longer suitable for me anymore, not suitable one little bit.

  14. One other observation. He says ” SOME PEOPLE DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU …”, not “I don’t want to hurt you…” Mine would often do that too, put the good things I wanted in third person knowing I would assume he was referring to himself but he wasn’t. Subtle and sneaky but very much a telltale difference between him and normal guys.

    1. Mine would say “don’t judge me by your past experiences with being treated badly by men”.

      Usually when I wasn’t buying the bull of the love letters and endless emails when he tried “at all costs to win me back otherwise he’d never look at another woman again”. He was seeing a lady who’d come out of an abusive relationship before we even divorced. It’s being kept quiet though I believe because after spouting all that nonsense he’d look pretty full of bull to everyone.

      Wierdest thing, I had never told him that i’d been treated badly by anyone.
      Always confused me that one.

      1. Maybe he was projecting and deflecting. I had never told him at that point that I just wanted to be loved at that point in my life I didn’t have trust issues. It was him who made me feel afraid.

  15. I know this sounds far-fetched, but many people help people with no chance of any gain whatsoever. I would go as far to say that roughly 96% 😉
    If you’re genuinely wanting to elevate people with no possibility for personal gain at least some of the time, than bravo for you. You said “For most of us we have it drummed into our heads and are highly conditioned to believe that doing good deeds an self-less acts will indeed bring us reward at a greater date. The idea of karma and being a good person for spiritual gain, this is our conditioning as humans, for the most part anyway. You could therefore argue that any of these altruistic behaviours are indeed motivated by selfishness, motivated because deep down we believe that we will benefit from them eventually. ” I am not so sure you’re in that percentile, but if it is your ambition to become more of an unselfish person, you will benefit from it. Not because you’re intention is to benefit, but because the universe will reward you. Good luck. I personally agree with the moderator that you’re likely a P or S. It’s just my opinion, and since you don’t know me personally, my opinion shouldn’t bother you anymore than yours bothers me. We’re being grown ups here and this forum is for the truth and for opinions.

    1. Sociopaths always elevate people for personal gain. They love to build people up as this is where they have power and control. What he didn’t mention is that he builds them up so that they comply and do what he wants. If they object (the subject) the narc rage will occur and then he will not only tear them down he will go further but focus on core soul wounds to destroy that person. Building a person up is not done out of the goodness of their hearts. Oh no… it’s a game of manipulation and ownership. As it is based on lies and deceit it is also easily taken away. Giving them the ultimate control over another (see the post what’s in your comfort zone)

      1. All that you say is so true – it’s chilling to realise that others have had the same experience. My partner would tell anyone and everyone – total strangers, shop workers, neighbours, family and friends, that he loved me so much, had loved me for 25 years (we had only been together for a couple of years at that point) he would do this with tears in his eyes! He seemed to love me best when I was paying for his wine or cigarettes, which I did for almost three years. It is true that people with crappy childhoods take that into their future lives – they are the carers and placaters by habit, they maybe had to be to keep things ok at home. These people are prime targets for the sociopath. I’ve always believed that I saw the good in people, always believed that kindness would be repaid with the same. How wrong! Now I hardly trust a soul, and always ask “what do they really want from me?”
        I too have his emails from the beginning of his homing in on me. Looking back I can see how desperate I was to be loved and cherished and said so in so many ways. I didn’t realise that at the time. He knew that I was exhausted and depressed, he was my Knight in Shining armour. I trusted him because we had a long history, but had never lived together. He must have made a mental note of all the small points I raised in my emails, then he focused on them when we were together. Here is a small example:
        Me – in an early email – ” My husband says that you would never bring me a cup of tea to bed in the morning as he does”
        He brought me a cup of tea religiously for three years! Even when I said that I’d rather come down for it. He made an issue of it, and told all his family how I’m so lucky to always have my tea brought to me! This would be fine, but he totally lived off me for all that time, made no attempt to work, and drained me financially and emotionally. I give this small example to illustrate how a sociopath will pick up on your signals and magnify their own behaviour to control you or gain what they want. I never realised that I had written that until recently.
        My Sociopath has died now, we were apart for two years, but I still was drawn to him, he was an alcoholic (like my Mother.) now I am free and able to see the whole picture. But his lies were monumental, his whole life was a lie, sadly his family still believe most of them. I have written about it – sexwineandlies.com
        My message to all those suffering under the influence of a sociopath? Think of yourself, love yourself, goodness is not always repaid with love.

    2. I am sure many people help with no ‘chance’ of personal gain, I am sure it’s true. The *concept* of even the very best of us helping only because sub-consciously it they are conditioned to do good is an offensive and confronting one. 95% of good deeds are motivated from a place of pure altruism? I seem to hear a lot of good samaratin stories recounted by the samaritan themselves and concluded with words to the effect of “Yeah well it was a bit of an inconvenience but earned myself a few karma points, that’s what it’s all about, right?” Perhaps they were speaking purely in jest.

      1. Yes I have heard a lot of sociopaths say this.

        I have always worked in the helping profession (with homeless) why? My own life had not always been good so I understood those people. I have been through a lot in my life to have a deep understanding of people. I don’t judge either. For some reason I also struggle to hate anyone. Understand yes… but hate no. I always try to see the good. I think that’s my problem. I see the good. Until recently I thought everyone could be fixed. I had a crappy childhood. Yet I fixed me. Today I realised that for some people it’s in the brain and not possible.

  16. So, have you just discovered that you’re a sociopath? That would be tough to first discover. I was married for a very long time before both my ex and I discovered what was going on. It must have been quite an eye opener for him too! Like Positiv’s experience, I was also involved with a P/S for many years before either of us really knew what was going on. You’re certainly in the right place to ask questions or let out your frustrations. I get the feeling that you want to know if we think P/S’s always act like that or can “normal” people act like them too? It’s a good question to ask, especially if you’re a p or s. I cant speak for anyone but myself. I do know that it is a fact that ex spouses or partners of P/S can spot them better than therapists. That comes from the therapist community. Theyre not that difficult to spot really because once you know to look for, BAM! there it is. The fact that your friend ran the other way because you love-bombed her after a “seemingly innocuous event.” You also mentioned that you only act like that when you’re in love with someone. You also said you just met her. Something tells me that her running the other way means that she may have learned from her previous relationship which you also mentioned was with a sociopath. We know that were empathetic, loving, trustworthy, open, caring, giving, heart on our sleeve types which make us fly paper for the S. It’s education such as this forum which gives us support. There are many new authors and educators out there that are making it their mission to expose the existence of the personality disorders which are able to function in predatory ways because of the absence of awareness of the illness(es). Once a “normal” person is aware of what to look for, it is really not that difficult to spot. You can educate yourself all day about how people can “tell” and try to hide, but once a person “knows” they simply know. A P/S may run a game for a minute, but their time is limited at best.
    Have a nice night.

  17. Positivegirl. As I mentioned, I’m looking at my old emails and posts too. It’s fascinating and educational. I’m looking so forward to your posts on the titled subject.

    1. I think I am going to take the correspondence work to another blog, but link to this site. So that this site remains posting the way that I have. The other site, will be more direct communication. Which hopefully others will recognise too.

  18. Well a bleak outlook for me at best it would seem. If you have the time or the inclination perhaps you would be good enough to read the next and my final post for today which will be a cut and paste of what I wrote when I started to realise that I wasnt acting out of love rather than out of psychological issues and selfishness. I am guessing your take on it will be that it is a complete work of fiction cooked up in order to make one last grasp for control over this person. I do see some frightening signs of sociopathy in my behaviour, it was the first thing I said when I started reading your blog positiva. I put and will put myself through more uncomfortable situations like this in order to become a happier (yes you’re right, still I can’t put the fact that I have hurt others at the fore-front of my reasons to talk about myself or seek professional help) and better adjusted person. Until that time I will remain introspective and try to do what’s best for people out of a sense of that it is the right way to behave first, not because it is possible (as you say) that I can or ever willI deeply care about others. In that respect maybe you’re right, and I will remain a sociopath for all my days.But at the very least I may be able to change to one who doesn’t act in a sociopathic fashion, and one who has openly sought to learn about how sociopathic behaviour presents in order to behave differently. Allow my wild ego to swing out of control here but just to admit that you have a problem and go and get help about it takes a level of courage, for mine when I have seen that in people before I have applauded it. Perhaps I was just naive. I have never heard too many negative opinions expressed to someone that is seeking help, but of course you believe in what you are saying, and that it is the best for all involved. Imean your preious trauma couldn’t colour your expression here.. could it? Of course not. Positiva thankyou for your work here along with my initial glimpses of how unhealthy I am mentally after last weekend your website and conversation has been a powerful catalyst. Word for word many of the behaviours I see listed here I exhibit, the only difference being I believe I can change them, and you don’t. The following is the piece I wrote last weekend when I started to wake up to myself (although once again I am sure you will call it something else)

    Regards,

    ← J

    1. Hey no. I stayed kind of friends with the sociopath he knows all about this blog. But as you know doesn’t particularly care. He is in full blown hiding mode now. So no trauma we split a long time ago and grew apart. I did see ‘some’ change over those years. He knows all about this blog and read it for years. He tried to do therapy only that made him worse not better. You see when you see a therapist you lie you can’t help that. Also blame others look for sympathy. You can’t really change because at your ‘heart’ you don’t really see that there is a problem. Not really. It’s only a problem if things go bad for you. Not trauma at all. I liked the sociopath in my life a lot. We went through a lot together. Travelled one heck of a road together. With me he learned who he was and I pulled through trauma (unrelated to him) as you say ‘build you up’. I found that at the heart was deep insecurity related to childhood. Lying was hiding where he felt safe and secure. I knew who he was and loved him anyway. The best time was early 2014 I would say that he loved me as much as it was possible to love somebody. But with that comes ownership possession and control. Control so much it almost extinguished me. I almost lost my mind.

      So you are wrong if you think I am bitter and writing from hatred. I rarely have. Usually it’s with humour. I found and still do the sociopathic mind fascinating. Right now we are not speaking. Not sure how long that will last for. Maybe forever maybe not.

      My views are from watching someone desperate to change. Who really did think a lot of me. He changed some things. He got a job. He got his own place. Well that’s prob about it. He also I think learned to manage his impulses better. These days he goes from woman to woman. A wandering soul… I don’t think there can be any real change. Patterns continue to repeat. Even when you don’t want them to. It’s a constant battle.

  19. Goodness, so grim. I will refrain from posting my writing here, although if you are inclined you are welcome to comment on it when I post it on my own blog. I feel as though I am finding writing therapeutic, is that possible? I am curious though, as someone who is presenting as a sociopath, even with the delusion that he wants to better himself, what is on your opinion the next step? Am i doomed to make those around me unhappy evermore? In helping people deal with the different mental, physical and environmental difficulties that you both have helped people deal with over the years, in your professional opinions what is the best next step for me?

    1. I would be lying if I said there was no change at all. Zero. When I first met him he was faking jobs. He has kept the same job now for 2.5 years. I don’t know what the answer is. It’s to understand that happiness lies inside of you not anyone else. Channel your mind in a positive way. For example I got him selling stuff on eBay. Had a product that made a lot of profit. This enabled him to a) make money b) analyse the competition c) compete and win…. all was going well until he was kicked off ebay for not paying his fees

  20. Didnt see your last two passages before my last one. I do see the way I try to ‘mold’ others into something else. I do this to friend and lover both but in all honestly rarely if ever when they are happy and healthy. I spruik good diet, breasthing exercises and reading books by Milman and Chopra. I talk about the benefits of daily exercise and achieving goals. I have come to see that these habits are not a super-pill that cures all for everyone and that this passion for healthy behaviour can be construed as insensitive when for some people it just isn’t enough. Poor deluded sociopath that I am I even attempted to study social work at one point. Well at least you are open to the fact that even though change is impossible for me partial change might not be. Phew!

    1. Here is one for you. It was earlier this year when I thought of the marriage vows. ‘For better for worse,for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health’ to make him happy I could only be one half of those vows… ‘worse, poorer, sick’ I wasn’t allowed to be ‘better,richer and in good health’ he felt threatened by that. I think in the end that was why we finally split I couldn’t play that role anymore.

      1. Well maybe I am still blind to my motivations because I still believe that I prefer to see people empowered rather than not. Looking forward to chatting to a number of other professionals on the matter very soon.

      2. My ex would say the same. He said he likes to help people to achieve their goals. But you know that this is about power control and dominance. Helping someone to achieve their goals..truth is you take over.

  21. I would just like to say again that anyone who is trying to better themselves without the expectation of a reward but to truly elevate themselves or someone else should be admired. I’m not chastising you. I applaud your courage to be open on the forum and I hope you find peace.

      1. I’m glad you’ve started to reference sociopathic behaviour out to ‘them’ a bit more to rather than just to ‘him’. Using examples of other specific experiences you’ve encountered (vicariously or otherwise) detracts from any nay-sayers you have that will say all of this is about one man.

      2. No it isn’t about one man I dated 3 in a row. To be honest he was the one who healed the previous two as he was charismatic type. He taught me the patterns of what had gone before. This truth set me free. Hence the website ‘the truth will set you free’ as it did.

      3. For me being in love is a feeling that elevates and transcends. The self-discovery earlier this week of how confused that feeling was was traumatic to a degree. I am genuinely saddened that you so fervently believe that a person exhibiting these behaviours is completely incapable of true, lasting and effective change. My wish is that my own personal growth extends past that your beliefs.

      4. Yes but I think you get bored. Other people are there for your entertainment. Maybe you can change. But one in my life couldn’t. As I read back through even what I thought was our best of times still there were constant problems created by him. Always he would talk about this fear of rejection do you think that’s part of it or is that a manipulative thing to say? It did mirror his childhood and he said it often enough for it to be true.

      5. Thankyou. We’ve moved to maybe. Part of my learning now is about how things like stating your negative experiences can be construed as manipulation. I have heard of the poor-me drama but always thought myself above it. Until this weekend. The emotions felt were so strong (delusional or not). I called the first thing I wrote “The Cold Light Of Dasy” and it’s the most writing I’ve done in my life. I am finding writing very therapeutic. I also recognise it as a ways to manipulate. I hope that if she sees what I wrote she’ll come back. I see all this dont worry, let’s just hope my therapists have a little more than “you’re a bsket case” with regards to advice on how to apply continuous change.

  22. In some ways your are completely right. The truth will set me free. “Be accountable for the things you say and you’ll be a lot happier J” I was told once. Unfortunately that gentlman barely knew me (20 minutes, a tradesman my landlord had asked me to tell his quote was too high) and was completely mistaken in thinking that I had been untruthful to him. Creating projects and seeing themn through until completion makes me feel fantastic. Learning to accept rejection will be good for me too, happiness does come from inside, but happiness shared takes that to another level.

    1. Ah now REJECTION there is a big word there huh? I think that this is a very big part of sociopathy. People think ah they don’t care. In some senses that is true. I found the need to be accepted was a big thing. Lying deceiving manipulating being what you thought the other person needed you to be. I think within each sociopath is a rejected child.

  23. I’ve missed a couple of your posts there. I have recently turned 40. Lies? Deceipt and manipulation I am guilty of all, and here’s another ‘lie’ for you, the other party in last weekends occasion was a liar on a far grander scale than myself. The sociopaths motivation to empower is to assert his or her power, his or her dominance or his or her control over another. Where does your motivation to empower come from positiva?

    1. Honestly? My motivation to empower comes from a memory and understanding of how it feels to be broken. It comes from my heart. It comes from remembering how I felt when it was me and how I needed help. I know it’s not for personal gain. I just think If you learn something in life then pay it forward to help someone else? Good question that made me think.

      Why after all I have been through why don’t I hate sociopaths? A lot of victims do. I don’t.

      My ex is 41 perhaps this need within you is also about age? My ex was similar. What I don’t understand is this…. why lie when it would be easier to tell the truth? Why destroy something that is good? Make it bad? I don’t get that. Most of our fights were about his lying. I didn’t get it.

      1. Mind-Body? Chopra and Milman? Way of The Peaceful Warrior? The Life You Were Born To Live? Perfect Health and the doshas and daily bio-rhythms? I still love and have loved from an early age lying on my back one of out beautiful beaches so that the waves crash, and hiss as they run up the shore hitting my feet. The next sounds is a siwshing as the water runs in different directions as it slows and stops, then silence, before a bried sucking sound as the next wave hits the shallow and heightens itself to CRASH again, and hiss up the beach, a rhythm without a true beat. I would practice breathing exercises at he insistence of a martial artist friend, and the day I discovered that one of the most effective breaths actually sounds like the rhythm of these waves in the shallow…

        I would tell people and get hairs standing on my arms for years after, such was the joy of that discovery.

        Lies? Womans intuition huh

      2. I am not knowledgeable, experienced or educated enough to categorically say that an individual is capable or incapable of complete or partial levels of change. I wont say that people are intrinsically good or bad and just are just exhibiting signs of healthy or unhealthy behaviour. But I have exhibited a great many of the behaviours you and many other sites list as sociopathic. The first thing was when of free will joined this conversation was that what I read frightened me. Do I have apositive outlook on my future and do I care about people enough to now want to maniolate them or hurt them or have them do anything except to be happy? Well in the end my opnion is of no consequence to you, you will make your own mind up and that will be your resality.

      3. You don’t want to change as I don’t think you think there is anything wrong with how you are. It’s everyone else’s fault for being so stupid and gullible according to you.

      4. Why be here? To harrass a group of people Ive never met? Based on the evidence of me being unable to stop calling someone who wouldnt talk to me or tell me to go away? You think I’m lying about making the introductory calls to various therapy centres just yesterday? You think that I dont care about my family, brother and sister mother and father.

      5. I started my over the top calls for communication after a seemingly innocuous action. My beautiful friend has asked me to take a photo of her in my bed wearing my jacket, which she then posted as her profile pic on a social website we are both a part of. I was pretty happy about this as you could imagine, and I posted the lyrics to a really beautiful song as a comment on the pic. Music is a massive part of her life and I am a hack-ish multi-instrumentalist with whom she re-ignited a dormant passion.

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaHrqKKFnSA

        “Tender is the night, lying by your side.
        Tender is the touch of someone that you love too much.
        Tender is the day the demons go away.
        Lord I need to find someone that will heal my mind.”

        I’ll leave it up to the professionals to tell me what happened from there.

        You have helped me today that’s not a lie either positiva and certainly I reckon you have helped many many more from the victims of sociopath side. Whether you heal a victim or a perpetrator though you’ve done a good thing, I wanted you to know I recognise that. I’m going to get a bite to eat, thanks for the chat.

    2. caressivecompulsive, I’m curious… Have you spent much time uncovering the intent behind your manipulative actions? I noticed how you began to seek and fixate on receiving validation from Positive in several ways, especially the ability of a ‘sociopath’ change. But I’m not hung up on labels.

      Are you a serial cheater?

      Have you ever deceived, lied to, and or made omissions to a partner? …knowing that your action/s would hurt and possibly devastate her?

      There are sociopaths, as well as narcissists, whose main objective is to consistently paint a pleasing picture of themselves to others, all the stage of the world.
      Projecting a desirable [illusion] image of themselves is utmost importance.

      This is to protect their image and ego. Cloaks do come in handy to make one feel more invisible, making relationships more comfy, flattering and accesible.

      1. Hi Miagata. I have not spent much time uncovering the intent behind my actions. The conversation you are commenting on was a major catalyst for change for me, it only happened two days ago. The only things I have done since then in uncovering the motivations behind my actions was to read some more on sociopaths, disempathetic sociopaths, and a new term to me, anti-social personality disorder. I also met with a psychologist today, whose opinion was that it was a different mental illness than anti-social personality disorder. I have lied to partners and was conscious of the fact that my actions had the potential to hurt them. I am not a serial cheater, although I have cheated on multiple partners. Some of those partners cheated on me prior to my own infidelity, which I used as a reason to cheat. I am not sure if was seeking positivas validation during that conversation. My own view is that most of us have the capacity to change and live healthy lives and have loving relationships. I feel quite strongly this is true and there are millions of people around the world who would agree and some who would be able to share their stories of change as well. I felt from the start without gathering to much evidence that I had been written off as a basket-case, which I believe was unfair and unhealthy.

      2. Hey miagata,
        i had the same thought! I got suspicious at his second post, and then all other following posts of him. I think he is here for learning manipulative things from empaths.

        At the first post i had the feeling his own character seems like an groundless hole. And at all the other following posts, he copied, sometimes, especially with that meaning of “spiritual things and believe”, he kind of reminded me of someone here. And suddenly he seemed to have an own personality (a lie and copied personality) Or that changing thing…i think he only copied to find a subject to integrate here, for his own ego games.

        All the lies about changing and want to be like…blabla and the questions he questioned positiva like “ooh what do i need to do that it seems im acting like someone normal, tell me more this and that”…blabla.

        I think its not his true interest in changing, nothing at all, also he always disagrees with his own sentences, and i think he really doesnt notice it. The thing with the therapist, first nooo i want to be a soooo good person, second but i want a date with a therapist. Interesting.

        and i admire positiva that she can answer him that calm and all =)

    3. Hi caressivecompulsive,

      Strange how some posts allow you to reply and others don’t offer that option, so I had to scroll up. Sorry for the confusion.

      The reason behind my initial comment and question to you was because I’m not sure why you would liken yourself to that of a “sociopath” right off the bat. You sound more like you struggle with something different. An emptiness, a need for validation, etc…

      Disclaimer: I am not perfect and also struggle with my own psychological issues related to the ability to trust, along with existential depression/crisis.

      Everyone does things that could be construed as sociopathic and will at times behave like a “sociopath” or a “narcissist.” I don’t really like the fixation and process of pigeon-holing people into categories like that. In the 90s EVERYONE was “bipolar” or “manic-depressive.”

      It seems to me a large part of the problem, when you consider the ‘nature versus nurture’ aspect is that too many children are taught to be selfish, that they’re “special” and set apart from others. We’re raised [here in the US] by television and instilled with the idea that competition means survival, which goes back to how being “special” is crucial. Our mentors have instilled a drive to be better than and “one-upping” our peers. So, we’ve basically been encouraged to behave like narcissistic sociopaths from the get-go.

      Several of my peers overseas were raised by Buddhist parents, taught from a very different perspective. Compassion and empathy is crucial for a psychologically healthy and happy society to thrive. OMG. Who knew!!!!
      The culture here in the west (including the EU) celebrates and encourages selfishness and deceit. Men are expected to lie, cheat and objectify women, then high five one another like children.

      Our actions begin with intent but we seldom discuss what lies beneath intentions and where the heart is before we act, especially with children. Schools aren’t covering this topic and parents are exhausted from struggling with their own competitive markets, health and egos, to spend time instilling this perspective.

      The issue of infidelity goes back to deceit and that also speaks of a lack of empathy for those you betrayed. It seems to have been taught to you by previous lovers. But it’s funny to me how one will justify their actions by saying, “Well, others have done the same to me” instead of recounting the pain from their own experience and therefore applying the solution, “I will never hurt another like that.”

      However, no one here on this thread can know your intentions. And I can’t imagine telling someone there is no “cure” or hope for change. We’re humans, not robots. People are literally changing every day, on cellular and metaphysical levels. We absorb material and information every day. We just have to be diligent to dispel negative beliefs and ideas and not let them keep playing like a broken record in our heads.

      It sounds to me like the person Positiva dealt with has embraced his delusional, negative ideas and therefore keeps playing them out with ill intentions, as a force of destruction. He doesn’t change because he doesn’t want to. He believes the bullshit he was fed at some point in his life.

      I just keep trying to figure out what the behavioral differences are between a narcissist and a sociopath. It seems incredibly vague.

      Rather than trying to find a label for yourself…. it’s far more productive to figure out the root of your intention and to make it a priority not to deceive or hurt other people. Abusing someone’s trust is incredibly damaging and destructive on many levels.

  24. Just as therapy helps the sociopath to sharpen their skills, so would interacting on this site. I believe there would be only three reasons for a sociopath to interact on this site. Firstly to sharpen their skills and become “better” at their craft, to look for potential victims and/or to harass. I don’t believe when a self-professed sociopath tells me that they want to be a better person whatsoever. They want to keep interacting so they can learn to be a better at duping.

    1. I think they just become better at hiding terry. At least this is what I learned anyway. Personally I think it’s better for a sociopath to be honest that they are one. Rather than one posing as a victim (that has happened) it’s fairly safe on this site as it’s anon. But i worry about it on Facebook as it connected with people’s real life family and friends .

      1. It is better when they are self-aware and willing to talk about it. We learn from them too and its easier to take them at face value when they expose themselves. I was married to one for many years. We got together at a young age. Some time after fleeing him, I thought I had it pretty much figured out and got together (not married thank God) with another one with a completely different personality. I figured him out pretty quickly though. It was the ability to predict my ex’s husband’s every breath with pinpoint accuracy that got me free and allowed me to free my children. I don’t hate anyone but I keep a healthy distance from any sociopath for excellent reasons. Honestly, they avoid me which I consider a victory. I accept that they’re part of nature and knowing the S/P is 4% of the population keeps me aware of them. For me, its good to read every once in awhile, or just talk with one or two to sharpen my awareness. I’m happy, loving, generous, caring and often a pushover with my family and friends. Those that love me treat me the same. I am exactly the type of person that a P/S gravitates toward when I am not aware of them. Its when I see them at the initial interaction or first few interactions for who they are, I send them packing. Well, they often just instantly lose interest in me which is even better. If you can spot them at the “interview” you’re golden.

  25. And yes absolutely agree on Facebook. I only like them to post on forums like this for OUR benefit. They aren’t really on here to have a fair give and take interaction, but only for the taking. I like to study them like lab rats the same way they do innocent people every day so that I can learn and educate anyone I can in any way I can forever. Sociopathy is a public health problem that most people don’t know about. Awareness such as this site is critically important!

  26. Wow. No doubt. And theft??? It’s a shame that he knows about this blog because I imagine that it might feel as though he’s inside your head as you write, sometimes.

    My ex of 10+ yrs did the same to me. “WE” and other control tactics of conquer, divide and isolate. He was soooooo inside my head, controlling my thoughts, that after I FINALLY left him I began to realize, months later, that my taste in music, art, movies and countless things were/are very different from him. Example: I had thought I enjoyed listening to ACDC, but turns out I hate it. I always hated it. We have very little in common. If we still spoke he would belittle and disprove of most of my choices.

    But that’s what they do…. cut you off from yourself, your will, everything that empowers and enriches your life… that didn’t come from his influence.

    I hope this pathetic jackass isn’t still controlling your thoughts in any way.

    I hope you can take full pleasure in music, food, whatever you enjoy that he despises…. Enjoy it to the fullest. And give yourself a toast for doing so.

    1. Yes it’s shocking what they do. Reading back old chat logs I see him for who he is and his sick evil depraved mind. No he isn’t in my life anymore he has a new victim. Thankfully. Let’s hope they work out. I feel sorry for her though.

      1. Well, I hope she wakes up and turns the tables on him. Or I hope that he wakes up, in some way, so that he will become more of a positive force in the world instead of creating more dysfunction, negativity and waste.

    2. @miagata yes ma’am, this is hands down the most damaging thing they do and the very core of what makes the experience so devastating…

      “But that’s what they do…. cut you off from yourself, your will, everything that empowers and enriches your life.”

      they try to drown in you darkness so you forget the light within and forget the truth of who you are. sociopaths are emptiness, so they try to suck the life out of everyone and everything around them. i’m pretty spiritual about it all, and someone else here left a comment describing sociopaths as “a dragon we have to slay” on our spiritual journey, and that perfectly describes how I feel about it. that’s why for me, the hope and light comes from staying hellbent, no matter what, to passionately and repeatedly go within my own heart and keep seeking my own light, and keep seeking the connection to my own soul.

      love to you on your journey back to you ❤

      1. Thanks sweet pea. I am feeling pretty good. Better than I have done for years. I went back through old correspondence and could see how he treated me. You know I deserved so much better than his lying ass. Started seeing old friends and people who loved me. Who I hadn’t seen while with him. Recovery has been some journey as I couldn’t get rid of him until he had found a new victim to suck dry. But he did setting me free 🙂 it’s a good feeling. How are you doing?

      2. good too 🙂 but yup it is a journey. even though i’m long since disconnected from the dark people in my life, the residue they leave is so heavy, and healing the soul after such darkness is a process of layer shedding and truth seeking that takes so much determination. i come back here to keep finding pieces of clarity that help me let go of old beliefs that hold me back, shed layers of who i don’t wanna be anymore, and to learn to love myself little by little and step by step. you have shared so much insight here that is so so powerful for my healing.

        i’m happy you’re feeling strong, you deserve healing as much as everyone you help here ❤ and yes you deserve so much better than him! the most beautiful thing they do in our life… is leave it. discard is so confusing and painful, but it truly is a gift right. it's actually prolly the most honest and genuine thing they ever do! it's like they are finally admitting you deserve better and getting out of the way of your journey to something better.

        keep chasing your light, you are beautiful ❤

  27. My ex sociopath used to brag repeatedly: “I’m not like most men. I’m so honest and have never been unfaithful or had a one stand. I can’t have sex with anyone unless I love them. Women often turn to me because I am a feminist. I don’t like pornography either because I feel it objectifies women” and more and more of this stuff. I believed it all and thought “What a great guy”. I was naive. My code for life now is “deeds not words”. I have it on a bracelet.
    It turned out that he was a pathalogical liar. He was unfaithful, had many one night stands and an obsssesion with pornography. He actually is a rampant misogynist. Unfortunately the only part that is true is that women do turn to him because they are naive and trusting like I once was. He cons them all and it amuses him. It’s like a sport to him. I am so glad to be well away from him. I tried warning the women but was branded the crazy ex. I had to leave them all behind and sadly let them learn the hard way.

  28. messages began on FB, I was beautiful he was unhappy at home etc. Weather & trivial things. I was busy over the weekend & did not to go online until yesterday.
    I found :-
    A string of pointless messages about trivia, then more angry ones and then a provocative one …. ” I bet I know why you havn’t replied” ….
    Not tempted to know why I didn’t reply so I blocked him instead.

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