How to heal and move on from the Sociopath, Narcissist or Abuser – The most important post I have ever written

Are you feeling stuck? hurt? damaged? Unable to move forward? Are you reading as much as you can, which makes you understand about THEM, but still you feel this pain inside of you?

healing-copy

Do you want this pain to go away? To you want to get out of the mind set that the Sociopath created for you? Do you feel that they have damaged you in a way that cannot be undone? Do you feel that your life cannot ever be the way that it once was, or that you will never be the person that you once were?

If this is you, if you are feeling this way, if you are returning to this site, and many others, reading, yet still at a later period find that you are returning to the pain once again, you might be interested in this post

The truth about sociopath abuse, why it traps you, and how easy it is to set yourself free – for good!

Sociopaths do lots of things repeatedly. Sometimes they are like a robot, repeating the same things over. Worse is that lots of sociopaths all repeat the same thing. I observed this in 2012, and began to write this blog with confidence in 2013, I knew that they all operated the same way.

I spent a lot of time, writing about the psychology of a Sociopath, I wrote a lot of posts about moving to survival too. However, none of those posts, really tackled the key issue. I wrote a post about core soul wounds, and how sociopaths focus on the core soul wound, and why this is painful. I still believe this to be true. Healing this core wound, would help with feeling better long term. Unless I was to work 1-1 with everyone (as everyones core soul wound is different) it would be impossible to achieve with a blog post.

I am a lightworker, I was unsure what to do with this blog, as I know that it still has a lot of traffic daily. I asked spirit, to please show me the answer, if you want me to start writing, then I need something that is unique. I need to understand the patterning for healing. I have understood the patterning of Sociopathy, I needed to understand the patterning of healing for the victim. What is the key? I promised myself that if I had this, I would trial it, and see if it worked for me. If I felt it did, then I would write here.

The sociopath focuses on LOSS

Sociopaths often find a target that is ‘missing’ something in their lives. Someone who:

  • Has a broken heart (they can heal)
  • Is financially on hard times (they can help)
  • Has been betrayed in the past (they can build trust)
  • Is looking for support (they will offer this)
  • Is bereaved (they will support you through)
  • Is feeling ‘lost’ (they will help you find yourself)

In the beginning, the sociopath will be attracted to whatever it is that you feel is missing in your life, and will offer to fix this for you. It feels like a match made in heaven. You cannot believe your luck and quickly you are swept off of your feet.

A relationship with a sociopath is all about loss

Further into the relationship, you will learn, that rather than helping to enhance your life, fixing and healing those things that they promised, the reverse is true. Within time you will start to experience loss. This could be (not an inclusive list):

  • Financial loss
  • Loss of career
  • Loss of reputation
  • Loss of family/friends/social network
  • Loss of home

It is not always that you lose any of the above. Sometimes, it is the perceived THREAT that you could/would lose these things, that keep you trapped and tied to the sociopath.

If you have financially or otherwise invested, and have experienced loss. You might feel tied to the sociopath and their false empty promises, that they will pay you back, or repair damage that is done. This keeps you hanging on, stalling for time, is a great game for the sociopath to play. The longer that they can stall your time, and waste your time, the more losses you occur.

One day, you might wake up, and think, enough! You make moves to end the relationship, you feel you HAVE to do this, otherwise, you will incur further losses. Sociopaths observe their prey very carefully and are almost always one step ahead in the game. If you try to leave before the sociopath is ready to let you go, you could also experience ruining and smear campaigns against you. When the sociopath can no longer control you, they will try to control how other people see you. You might be stunned to learn, that leaving the relationship, rather than protecting losses, incurred further losses as the sociopath starts a campaign against you, while playing victim to whomever will listen.

How you focus on loss within the relationship

You may have gone into the relationship with a good heart. You might have been open and honest, and shared willingly whatever it was that you had to share. People do that right?

The sociopath deliberately targets and manipulates the victim to get what they want. If you felt uncomfortable, as likely you did, they get off on this, on watching you squirm on watching how difficult it is for you.

So you become defensive, you decide that you will not allow this person to take anything further from you. While in the relationship, if you cant escape, you protect yourself. Changing passwords on social media, putting a lock on your phone, changing the pin number to your bank card, stopping socialising and introducing him/her to people.

Just these things above, are losses, they are loss of freedom. The more that you try to protect yourself from further loss, the more that you are stuck within the cycle of loss. The sociopath enjoys this very much.

Escaping from the relationship

There are four ways that you escape from a relationship with a sociopath

  1. They die
  2. They get sent to jail
  3. They find a new source of supply
  4. You escape and hope that they will not hunt you down
A sociopath will not leave his latest victim, unless this is forced (through death, being imprisoned, or if you run and hide) until they have a new supply. They never leave a victim alone until they have a new supply.
People question, ‘why did you stay if it was that bad?’ or ‘why don’t you leave?’ they don’t understand, you cannot leave a sociopath, they leave you. Either they leave you, or they haunt you. Or rarely, it ends naturally, when you will no longer give, and they can no longer take, and neither of you care anymore. Too much has happened for it ever to work (this was my final ending) although we did countless endings prior to this.

How to fully heal and recover – as if they never existed!

Ok, I accept that some things cannot be repaired, you cant get back your old job, but you can get a new one. You cant get back a house, or financial losses, but you can move elsewhere, or regain your finances. You might lose friends and family, but really how close were you for this to have happened? Reputation is a trickier one, and one that ‘might’ always be damaged. But have you ever seen someone famous who looked destroyed, and then they turned their life around? It CAN be done!
The answer, is simple. So simple, I don’t know why I hadn’t thought about it, or wrote about it previously. I had always written ‘focus on you’, but never written ‘how to focus on you’. Not really. I wrote a list of things to do, but this is deep psychological damage, focused on loss. The entire relationship was about loss.
SOCIOPATH =LOSS
Many people, after the relationship has ended, still feel lost, I have had people write to me, who still struggle to move on, three to four years later.
If it has been a year, and you have established No contact during that year and you STILL do not feel better, perhaps you need to do the following:
If you are just leaving the relationship, or thinking about leaving, do this immediately.
If the relationship with the sociopath is about LOSS, and if you are still focusing on LOSS long after the relationship has ended, to undo this damage you need to replace with GAIN.
Law of attraction
What you focus on, is what comes towards you. If you focus on loss, then more loss will come towards you. If you focus on gain, then more gain will come towards you.

Gratitude – Focus on Gratitude

Denali National Park in autumn, Alaska, USA, North America
Denali National Park in autumn, Alaska, USA, North America
The key to undoing psychological abuse, is to focus on gratitude. I mean REALLY REALLY focus on gratitude. Do it from the second you get out of bed. Be grateful for EVERYTHING. I mean EVERYTHING. From the bed you sleep in, to the house you live in, the clothes you have to wear, the water in your tap, electricity and gas, food, any money you have, any friends or family. People in the street, the fact that you have a store near your home that stocks food you like, that there are workers in the store, stacking the shelves, that there are drivers who bring food to the store, if you have a car to drive there, if the car works, if you have fuel to drive your car. Express gratitude for EVERYTHING.
This is what I did. I started about two months ago. I decided that I had been focusing on loss for too long. It was now time to focus on gratitude. When you do this, the Sociopath will vanish in your mind (unless you have children or have to work with them). Even if this is true. Even if you have children together. Still focus on gratitude. Or at least try. This isn’t about them. This is about YOU.
What you should find, is that as you focus on gratitude, your heart starts to lift. Your energy vibration elevates, almost as if you are floating. You start to see positive all around you, you smile. Walking along the street you notice and observe things that you were blind to before. You become grateful for things, that perhaps you weren’t grateful for. Like the homeless man on the street – it makes you really see life in a different way.
When you do this, you are no longer focused on Loss. When you are no longer focused on loss, the brainwashing and the mind control that the sociopath put you through, is gone. As each day  passes, you feel bigger. Your world feels bigger. You start to come back into you.
Additional to this, the law of attraction should also kick in. As you focus on gratitude, more things should come into your life to be grateful for. Focusing on gratitude makes the past NOT important. Gratitude keeps you in the very present moment. It is only in the present moment that you have control.
This is how you fix, heal and recover. I asked spirit for this post. I have trialled this every single day for months.
With this, will the truth set you free? I think it will set you free from the illusion, but it won’t set you free from the negative mind set that the sociopath has set for you.
Copyright datingasociopath.com 2015 All rights reserved, not to be reproduced, or re-written without permission

 

 

 

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72 thoughts on “How to heal and move on from the Sociopath, Narcissist or Abuser – The most important post I have ever written

    1. I am having terrible problems with this site. It changed all of the formatting so it is difficult to read. I think probably the final post for this site. For some reason for the last year, I have had terrible problems writing here. It reformats, now it is telling me I need jetpack 3.3 I cant edit posts, it wont save drafts, its too difficult to work with. I will take this post to my new site. I think maybe universe is telling me, start again 🙂

      1. thank you ❤️….i have so much gratitude for your wisdom….i was stuck in emotional distress for the last eight months….had NC for 4 months….he hoovered me last week….texts messages etc….I foolishly engaged BARELY dipped my toe in the water (i live an hour away ty GOD) ….& i feel soooo toxic from dealing with him….i feel like i did when he discarded me…..yuk
        emotional hangover…..THANK YOU for confirming what God is trying to show me ….Be thankful in ALL things ALWAYS ….I hope your post again sister xox

    2. Yes I agree 100%. It is hard escaping a sociopath. They seem yo have a hold on you. Maybe thru their charm- sincere attitude- sex- loneliness. They know how to get under your skin and they do a great job..They are dangerous because they play mind games… I know I was controlled by a sociopath thru sex. I hate admit- he was excellent in the bedroom…I think he was also a sex addict…Just a sick person all around………………at times I felt sorry for him…They are ussually lonely people with few friends and strained family relationships. I know i was used but he made me feel that i needed him…Until i realized a normal woman with self worth would not give him the time of day. He knew it too…basically- i was his replacement because his wife left him..He was lonely and in pain….I don’t feel he can ever be normal…But that is his problem now..I confronted him- threw him out and got all phone numbers changed – email etc…………such a con man.

  1. Perfect timing.
    I was unable to sleep from that gut wrenching feeling of getting ready for the latest build up to the next saga I am to be put through.
    Thought i’d check my emails and up this popped.
    I am really going to try hard and use this advice as I need to get myself out of this constant spin of waiting for the next thing to happen or trying to second guess the next game which will have my energy once again zapped back to zero.
    Just as I manage to pick myself up again he seems to throw the next stone.

    1. I been following you for a very long time. Devouring everything I can learn from on this topic of these oddballs. This Gratitude is being implemented in my life for 2 days since I read your previous posts on it. I’m absolute. This is so awesome. I feel much better but I know it’s just a start. I know all I want to know about the crap they dish out. I don’t want to know anything else. It’s time to take stock I’m my recovery. I’m not in the business of keeping some awful memory of someone who was tricking lying cheating n deceiving. It’s time to be the full on survivor I want to be and claim happiness back now. It’s all because of you I am here now. Thank you from my heart and I pray you know it.

      1. Thank you Catalina, please let me know how you get on. It has been two months for me now. Its just incredible. I so wish I had practiced it before. People say ‘be grateful’ but you know we don’t think how important this is. It makes me think of things as I go about my day too. When I run a bath, I think of people who have no clean water, let alone clean hot water for a bath. When I go to the shops, I think – how there are people in the world who don’t have shops with shelves full of food to choose from. Sometimes, I think we forget just how lucky we are. Sometimes we can become so focused on the ‘bad’ that has happened, we forget to see what is real. What we have to be grateful for. Even if it is a picture on the wall, a treasured possession. A photo in a frame of people we love. It is incredible, as it doesn’t allow time or space, to think about negatives. In fact, negatives have no space in your life, as you are too busy focusing on the gratitude. I remember when the big good things happened, I would feel so happy and grateful. I decided that I wanted to feel like that every single day. Please catch up with me and let me know how it is going. I would be interested to hear how it is for other people too.

    2. this blog has been a real eye opener for me, i was involved with a sociopath 6months ago and only now have i managed to get him charged with harrasment after he left me for someone else and was still texting me allsorts from how much he still loved me to saying what he was going to do with “all these men in my life” when in fact i am still single! delusional! all along with lots of threats and bullying. I had a pin notice out on him which he broke hence his arrest The police are pushing for a restraining order against him so fingers crossed. I just want to say thanks as Your blog has been so helpful to help get my mind in the right place as the after effects of such drama is very real and to feel gratitude for everything has lifted me in almost an instant 🙂

    3. this blog has been a real eye opener for me i was involved with a sociopath 6 months ago. He went off with someone else and after months of ,texts saying how much he still loves me and threats to and i’ll quote “all the men in my life” wen inface im still single! all the bullying and intimidation i managed to get a pin notice out on him to stop him contacting me, which only a few weeks down the line he broke by further threats etc. I finally managed to get him arrested and charged with harrasment and screenshotted all his texts he sent to me to to his new girlfriend lol. This blog has been such a big help when you mention the gratitude I immediately felt better and has helped get my mind in the right place. No one understands the after effects so it is nice to feel im not alone. thank you x

    4. This is me also . He sucked me back in and i feel like im just waiting for the next game and then i will be zapped again too , back to zero ….you hit the nail on the head when you said that …

  2. I will definately follow you over 🙂
    You are inspiring and I have learnt so much here from you and so many others and never feel so alone in this mess.
    I have so many things to be grateful for, I guess the bad things just cast a dark shadow over them now and again.

    1. Practice gratitude. All day every day, the small things turn into the big things. It also keeps your mind focused rather than wandering off, and keeps you with the present. Which is the only part you have control over.

  3. @Positiva
    So true! Excellent! He leave me 18 months ago. He started to living with another women a week after. It have been a though time, but I know I cam say that at Las I am fee . He try to contact me on new year. One good message turns on 5 horribles one, when I didn’t answered. I read them and I didn’t feel anything and just deleted them.

    1. I am having real problems with wordpress. Its hard to write on this blog. When it does finally post, it reformats the paragraphs making it almost impossible to read. Aragh

      1. why is it doing that? well I guess if you knew you would fix it lol duh…I haven’t noticed anything yet, I hope it gets fixed for you. your blog looks great by the way. hugs xo

      2. Apparently its caused by a glitch when i paid for a happinesss engineer to go to self hosting with.org. i lost loads of comments at the time. Am still having problems with it. Frustrating.

      3. I dont know. I could until the other day type backslash admin and it went to .org admin so i could post. Really annoyed with myself cos i have lost so much work because of it.

  4. I get a lot from your posts! its been a year since I saw him and I still struggle. Please post where you’re going so I can follow!

  5. Positiva, I think a new blog for your journey forward is an excellent idea. Your advice for us still coming to terms with dating a sociopath will still be here.
    But you can focus on healing you and taking those who are ready for healing too.

    I am so grateful for this site, it has helped me understand that some people are just beyond help.

    I liked your post on gratitude, I’m trying this just now. Will let you know how it goes.

  6. I always wondered when does the sociopath stop is it tell death or maybe late late in life when options dwindle and they somewhat settle and play nice ?just curious I’m sure the constant mind games and getting the one up on everyone probably never stops

    1. I dont know if they do. Its just the way that they are. One i was with is now 41 nearly 42 i met him when he was 37. His favourite thing to say was that he was changing and was now a better man. But although he had calmed down. I think he just got better at being deceptive. He sharpened and honed his ability to decieve or at least i thought that. I spoke to someone last year she said she was with someone who was 65 and still like it. Its in the brain and how can you give someone what they dont have? A conscience?

      1. The one I’m trying to escape from is 70 years old! It seems to be a well-entrenched pattern of how they process their ways of thinking and the associated behaviours. Scarily difficult.

      2. Thank you so much!! You are helping me so much. I understand now and no longer think that I’m insane. Wishing you much Happiness, Love and Good Health. 💜

  7. Hi Positiva and Happy New Year to you and all of you……
    I received your ?? Testing email but did not get a chance to read your latest blog because I’m cleaning and clearing 😉but read your one sent on New Years about your Xmas….You had asked if going forward should you continue website and blog…….My vote is Yes for sure h—- yes….because of you my entire life as I knew it 6months ago has changed and I am so grateful to you……I have ton of healing left to do and have a tremendous wall around me that Indont see coming down any time soon but am working on it little by little, day by day….Thanks again, Jeansxoxo

  8. Do sociopaths always continue to try and contact? As I have had no contact whatsoever since I caught them out, he was in a different country “working” to the country he said he was in. The only contact I had was upon their return, a question but more like an “I’m back” as there was no need for the question asked. Everything else I read on your posts is him, apart from the contact. Part of me is thinking that this is because he has already moved on in this other country, well, it had been going on three summers every time he went to “work” there. I think I was the one in England and there’s another summer one out there. I expect you could guess which country I’m talking about. I’d have at least expected him to try and talk his way out of it when he returned, but nothing. I’m totally confused, can you tell ?!?!

    1. Hi sunshine it depends. 1. They could be really done with you. 2. They might “think they are but come back”. How do you know the difference? When sociopaths are fully done with you destruction comes with it. They see you as having part of them and want to destroy that. They make sure that their bridges are burned. Not only so they cant come back ever. But also so that nobody else would want you.

      1. WOW. I really get that. Somehow you really put it into words. “They see you as having a part of them and want to destroy that. They make sure that their bridges are burned. Not only so they cant come back ever. But also so that nobody else would want you”. It makes me the one to carry all the pain and feel all the anger and resentment over abandoned love or even anger from the disrespect of what had been love or what I thought was love. Why couldn´t he leave by taking responsibility for that descision? Don´t know if he is a sociopath.. I have kids with him. He burned all bridges but it always feels like there´s a door open for me to hope or search for his love but at the same time hte sense that I can never forgive the shit he put me through. So that´s a loss in it self; that I can never come back to the father of my kids. The bond is the kids. He painted such an awful picture of me that he actually convinced the right people that our children of 1 and 2 yrs. old should live with him. That was also his excuse for leaving me, instead of telling me the true emotional reasons, the choices he made. Not until 6 years of battle I have now gottten the courts word that my kids are to live with me. If he gave a crap, he would be working on his own emotions.

  9. Thank you for this amazing site. It has been something I’ve come back to a lot. Still hurting, but reading your posts and comments helps.

  10. I have read several excerpts on sociopath and am just stunned to see my last 10 years in print on so many sites! I was able to divorce after 10 years but only by the grace of God was able to keep my home I’d had for 30 plus years as he would tell me from time to time that he was entitled to it because he had married me. I didn’t realize how isolated I had become until I read these articles; this article stunned me as I did exactly what was written, changed passwords on social media, not his name on any of my bank accounts, etc.,… on and on…. The aftermath is gut wrenching and I have lost friends, family and I’m sure my reputation has been dented too. I’m older (60s) so it’s a little late to start again I feel. I quit my job when I married him (he said he made plenty and would take care of me)–that was a tragic mistake as he couldn’t even afford a week’s worth of groceries without writing insufficient funds. I’ve tried to be very careful as he really could’ve hurt me more financially than he did. This has been very enlightening. The no contact is hard for certain; I have to admit I still look on social media although he doesn’t post publicly; I’m ashamed to say I still have a password to see his private e-mail–that’s how I found out about his affair. I’m fighting myself in not looking, it’s just like you can’t believe your spouse (ex) would do this with no remorse or feelings of regret. These articles help validate what I have felt and experienced so it is of great relief to know I am not crazy! Thank you for the information.

  11. This is amazing! This post actually made me cry, because it is so true! I feelt loss but in such a strong way I could not make sense of it because of what he had done to me! He went to prison for it and I got full custody of our children I moved and I am currently hiding but I am great full for coming out of this alive! I had forgeten along the way to be happy and focus on myself.. Now the harrassments have stopped haven’t heard from him in what feels like forever but it’s actually a month ago and I had feelt lost when the mind games stoped and it went quiet! It’s so strange how they mess you up! Thank you for this post!

    1. Well done for a month. Just take one day at a time, each day away from him you will grow stronger within and heal.

      How nice to have the harassment stop…. that silence. When you can rest in the silence and not be on tenderhooks of ‘what next’….. Keep going. one day at a time. You are healing, you will continue to heal for as long as he stays right away from you.

      1. Thank you! Yes its been a long journey! Our last court hearing was a month ago, i said that if he continues i will take legal actions (again) then I told his mum lol (only person he listens to, also cluster B)
        I am moving forward taking baby steps 🙂 getting treatment for my PTSD! Its a long way up and sometimes it’s very painful but everyday it gets easier 🙂 this blog has helped me so much! You can’t imagine how I found comfort and strength reading your posts when I was at my lowest point! So again Thank you (sorry English is not my first language)

  12. Ii have just read your blog on how to move on from a sciopath. I was married to one for 13 yrs and have recently discovered that this is what he is from all the explaind traits. Loss is the biggest thing im feeling right now. We have been apart now for near on a year. During that year i also had two bereavements within my family within a space of 8 weeks. I am now finally free from this sciopath and have had no contact from him for five months. He has now moved on to his next victim.Having read your blog on the rd to recovery i.e gratitude i am certainly going to try and be grateful to everything i have and focus on positives to get my life back to how it once was before he came along. Thank you.

  13. oops i think i may have put my comment in the wrong box bloomimg technology! although im not complaining! im grateful to be tapping on my keyboard! brilliant blog positive girl my story nearer the top lol thank you xx

  14. The first thing I did was research what I had gone through and woke up Grateful and the pain was lifted. I needed to know that what I felt was real. I got away physically unharmed. OMG…the sting mentally some days was unbearable….but I will not waste anymore time on this person..,

  15. hi! I have read your articles about a sociopath and thank you a million for these very helpful information. I would like to share my experience dating with a sociopath and I wish I could also get suggestions for my case. I’ve been dating a sociopath for about 5 years: we ever broke up after our 2 years relationship bc he have found a new girl, but a year after that he wanted to come back with me after he broke up with the new girlfriend and as he found that I was still single, so he did anything to get my contact again for that purpose. then he tried to convince me that he was wrong for leaving me, he was very regret, and promised that he would not do that again bc he said that I was the right girl for him. we got back together. I was sure that he has changed. and it took 3 years (after got back with him) for me to found out that he was a sociopath. when we’re in a relationship, I have felt so many peculiar. so I decided to investigate it. Fortunately, I got information from a trusted person that when we’re still in a relationship, what he did behind me was try to get closure to every girl he like, he also hid the relationship with his another girls from me.

    we have split up on december 2015. he split me up with the reason that he no longer love me (the fact was he had another girl), but only three days after that he contacted me again and said he still love me, and there was no other girl that can be replaced me (the fact: he still with his new girlfriend). we kept connected until yesterday. two days ago, we met and I asked him to be honest with me but he just made another lies as it is the fact and convince me that I have got wrong information, he said I should trust him not other people (bc he knows I hate a liar and I very respect honesty). so I told him that I didn’t love him anymore and please don’t come in my life again bc I will never accept him anymore (at that time I still didn’t know that he was a sociopath, I found it out a day after this meeting). until now he still try to contact me and try to get me back to him even though he still with his new girl bc he thinks that I don’t know everything and I still love him (the fact is I have known everything and I struggle to forgetiing him).

    actually he still have my phone number (bc I don’t change it) and we’re still being friends on social media (fb and bbm), after I said never come back in my life two days ago, he always send message to me as he still care with me, he want to take care for me. I am afraid that he make me as his target again (bc he didn’t get what he want from me, may be) even though now he is still maintaining a harmony relationship with his new girl friend. can anyone tell me what should I do to avoid him? how to convince him that I don’t love him anymore? should I block him on social media? should I block his phone number? what should I do if I accidentally meet him (alone) or him with his new girl friend? what can I do to make he thinks that I am impossible to be his victim anymore?

    I would like to hear your solution on my problem.I would really appreciate every suggestions or solutions from you. I would also open to everyone who want to give me a solution. Thank you.

    1. I am having the same trouble trying to disengage myself from my sociopathic ex as well, and I can’t even say it’s all his fault. I keep holding onto this false hope. Even after all of the despicable things he’s done. I’m not sure how to let go of all the questions of WHY and how to let go of the idea that I’ll ever get closure from this person. And I hope he won’t contact me anymore because it’s difficult.

      1. Hi, I am sorry that you are hurting. You say that you are ‘holding onto false hope’. False hope for what? That he can change? He can’t change. The answer to why? If he is a sociopath – that is the answer why it is the way that his brain is wired. He has the need to be manipulative and deceptive. You can take back the power and block him so that he can no longer contact you.

  16. I wish I could have known about this 30 years ago. Now I’m 61 years old and just finding out that this is real. All these years. I withdrew from family and friends bit by bit over time and now feel that all those things that he did and didn’t do……I could have left long ago and had a genuine life. I would say to anyone here….get out now! I have no where to go and my confidence is gone and if you can leave, please do it!
    Oh, IF, anyone has any suggestions I would consider anything seriously. I have no access to money whatsoever and I think realistically I probably don’t have options at this point. But, one gets to a point where you just can’t think straight much of the time because of the stress and anxiety and trying so hard to make sense out of things that you never can.

  17. It’s just something similar to mourning a person who passed away. It’s like a weird nightmare that there is someone else walking around in the skin of the person I loved. That the person I thought he was, never existed, is so sorrowful. False hope that maybe he’s still in there somewhere, but I know exactly who he is now. It’s hard for me to let go. The answer to the why, that he is most likely a sociopath doesn’t seem to help. (both our couples therapist we saw and my own therapist that I now see say that he exhibits signs of a sociopath/psychopath) I know these are now my own issues that I have to heal. I like in this article that you mention “core soul wound” but we don’t further go into what that means or how we find out what our core soul wound is. I think there must be something like that going on right now that I need to heal from. Maybe I can take a moment to post my own story. Maybe it would help to share.

    This blog has helped me heal a lot in the way that there are so many others who have been hurt and confused like I am. I am not alone.

    1. No. You are not alone taken, I hear you, and I understand how you feel. You are worth so much more than someone who does not value you. An invisible being an empty shell who is nothing but a mirror image of the person that they are currently reflecting. You will heal and you will recover. Just take it one day at a time, write out your story, it can be cathartic to do so.

  18. I met the spath I was dating in 2013. Before then I was single for about five years. When we first spoke over the phone there was something about the way he spoke and his voice that drew me in. He told me he was divorced and had 4 kids. In the beginning he was very attentive and loving and what I was looking for. He was amazing and special to me. I started seeing red flags after three months of dating. He was always depressed about money and asked for a loan. I was turned off by this because I have never ever had a man ask me for money. I felt sorry for him so I gave him money also i was in love with him by this time. He early on he would get distant and push me away and not communicate with me for days then act like it was me that was distant. We broke up it seems every few weeks and got back together again. Oh and he didn’t have any friends and would never introduce me to his family ( said he wasn’t close to them)or kids. The one thing that helped was that I kept a journal noting everytime we broke up and why. One of the main reasons I would news up with him was because I would catch him on dating sites. Another, his unavailability and contantly breaking our plans/dates. Oh and in 2014 he admitted to me that he was still married to his kids mom because she was “nice enough” to keep him on her insurance. I was deviststed by this. I never felt as if we were in a “real” relationship. My family didn’t like him, also red flag. I finally ended our relationship on New Year’s Eve 2015 after he cancelled yet another date on me after saying he wanted to work on our relationship. He also prior to my breaking up with me asked me for a loan, for a court case he had, he was being sued. He kept badgering me for the loan claiming he would go to jail if I didn’t help him. He promised over and over that he would pay me back. decided to give him the loan as a final test for me to really see what kind of man he was (if he didn’t pay me back). This was THE final straw. I was heart broken about the relationship and angry that he didn’t care enough about me to keep his promise. I realize now that the only reason I kept coming back to him was because he truly cared about and loved me. I was wrong. Not long after breaking up with him I researched his behavior and know I know. He fits the description of sociopath to a “T”. I have my answers now. I’m ready to move on!! Thanks for reading:)

  19. Just what I needed the MOST!
    It’s been 5 weeks and I didn’t think I’d ever be the same!
    (Well, I’m hoping it’s still too early to think that but it sure does feel that way!)
    I’m actually thinking that I might smile~ok…maybe not a full BLOWN SMILE but at least a little bit of a grin. 😉

  20. I have posted comments here many times about my story and ongoing battle to get rid of an ex bf SP from my life. I am elated to report that I just found out yesterday that he has finally moved out of the house he was renting in my neighbourhood. It’s been 12 months since I have had any contact with him and it appears that this time it is really and truly finally over.

    I stuck it out and he has finally buggered off!

    Thank you so much for your blog and all of your supportive energy.

  21. Wow! And I just figured out who he really was. Everyday my eyes are opening wider and I see through his lies and false promises…

  22. ‘A relationship with a sociopath is all about loss…’
    There is another thing almost too obvious to mention – the stress from them can affect your health. I suddenly started losing weight after relationship passed from love bombing into full control phase, due to underlying stress that something was wrong, my body metabolism actually sped up from stress. This was not good weight loss either – was signal that stress was impacting immune system and sure enough got ill shortly thereafter.

  23. Wow, I never knew such people existed until now because I think it is possible that I have come across someone like this. He worked on me for a year and finally tried to seduce me. He had been through it before and said it would not bother him to betray his wife AGAIN! He told me how devastating it was the first time and yet he was willing to not only do it again but watch me go through it without any remorse on his part. I asked him about guilt, remorse, shame, regret and Godly sorrow. He said that it would not bother him. I ran the other way even though I was emotionally connected to him. I told my husband and he forgave me. I never meant to get emotionally involved but there it was and I was in the middle of it. He was the sweetest, caring and best listener I have ever met. But in the end all he wanted was sex without any emotion, per him. This has been traumatic and I will do what you said to do in order to heal. It was not a long drawn out relationship like some here but it has still been traumatic.

  24. wow, saw this blog this AM and boy it certainly hit the nail on the head! That loss is like surviving Katrina, the AM after when you manage to crawl out from under all the destruction and stand and look around you. The pain is real, it takes your breath away, as if you are looking at your life, shreaded, mangled, and broken in pieces all around you and the feeling of just thinking of where to start to clean up the mess, is exhausting and overwhelming. Yes practicing being grateful is the antidote, changing the mindset, rewiring the neurons in your brain, bc any connection to the creature, whether you dated or married one, is equating the life experience of getting cancer and the process of getting treatment and working towards being cancer free. There are many days, perhaps once a day, I struggle with the desire to just stomp the monsters ass, dust myself off and go about my business! That would be much more healing, cost effective, and less painful than the growing pains of pushing forward! if I could get my 20 years of my life back, our daughters childhood, my faith and trust that good honorable people do exist, my home and credit all back, perhaps I wouldn’t feel so broken . Definitely only a narc sociopath or what I call a social mungaloid would abandon their only daughter, refuse therapy to see her, and in the process do everything they possibly can to destroy their child’s home and her mother. the truth may set you free but first you have to survive it. I have a tremendously difficult time of legging go of the knowledge that I was conned, my 20 yr marriage was based on lies he told, and that the father of the only child I will ever have is so character disordered, diabolical and depraved that he can live in his own skin, and he is tickled that he caused so much pain and destruction in our lives. Only someone with no conscience , moral code, or insight, can only function in society as a social predictor and parasite, and enjoys living that legacy. Yes one should focus on graditude, which is most difficult bc I have no empathy for those who choose to operate that way. There is far to much help, far to much information, for a person to make those choices without regard to other human beings. Why can’t we just go back to flogging and public shaming for these moral and social retards? The hardest part of my journey is forgiving myself, I’m still taking baby steps, as women we are so damn programmed to be blamed and blame ourselves and it sucks!!!!

  25. Would someone please tell me how to stop the smear campaign ? I can not rest or have a quite time to think in my own house.
    It’s all timed they make noise before the plane goes then the cars leave my street. Everything is about time around the planes cars dogs barking tractors hovers excuvators It’s been like this since 2011 . I moved from house to house city to city country to county. It’s quite when I first got here only few years ago. But they always start to build around me neer me. Time and noise plays a huge part in this smear campaign but no one else has this problem. I can’t even walk past a frizzer in a shopping mall the motor starts up. My street light goes high and Lowe at night . So many other strange things are happening that is not normal.
    I lost everything but it still gos on .
    I do I stop sociopath from constantly monitoring my every move? I want my privacy back.
    I don’t want to go to him.
    Noise is making me ill angry agitated annoyed frastated . Please stay away from me and my space.
    I’m stuck in side my house 24/7 for days because everywhere I go the noise increase can’t go to my garden. Because of naighbours nosisy ugly kids.pakistanis are patrolling my house.
    Total nightmare . Someone please make my sociopath stop and leave.
    I desperately want him to stop.

    1. Alison, please can you get some professional help? I am concerned about you. It sounds as if you are suffering right now, and this is concerning. When was the last time that you saw a doctor? Or received any professional help?

  26. Thanks but how is the doctor going to stop the sociopath following me around? Or being abused from 3 rd party? If he stop following me around I would have no problems.
    Thanks a lot for making me sound like I’m the problem when I’m not.
    I have seen a doctor last year if u really must know. I don’t have a disorder if that’s what you are implying .

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