What I learned from Dating a Sociopath Psychopath

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You are going to heal.

You are going to recover.

You will get better.

You are not forever damaged.

Who they are. Is NOT a reflection of who you are.

You did not deserve this.

You are not a bad person.

Psychos are EVIL. They deliberately target and disarm their victims. The longer that you stay with them, the more that your life will fall apart.

Psychos deliberately keep their victims in a continual state of turmoil and trauma, stress, and anxiety. While at the same time, topping them up, with reassurance, that they are the ones that you need to feel better. It is all a con. Like everything about them.

Let go of those who did not believe in you, while the psycho was on a ruining smear campaign rampage. Psychos do all they can to make you the most unpopular person in the village. Your real friends will be there and will believe in you. Learn to know the difference between those who withdrew because they cared about you, and it hurt them to see you hurt, and those who withdrew because you were not giving to them. Equally, learn to know who was there because they thrived off of drama and gossip, and those who were there because they cared and wanted to be a support by your side. Let go of excess baggage.

It might feel like your life has been ruined and drastically changed. This could be true. It is more likely however that what has been changed is your perception. You can change your perception back. Even if you have children with them, bring the power back to you.

Material possessions and financial losses are not important.

It is better to be on your own than be with a psycho for the rest of your life.

Being FREE is the best feeling in the world. You will not realise what a hell hole you were in, until you escape. For good, for real. I mean really escape, in that you don’t really give a shit what they are doing. You don’t want to know as you don’t want anything more to do with them. Yes this time will come for you too.

What you went through was not wasted time. You will have learned essential life skills you did not have before. Go you, you survived being with a psycho, there is little you cannot survive. Some people end up dead – this is blunt, but the truth. First time I had sex with the psycho, he put his hands around my throat…. I asked him to stop, looking back, I now realise how lucky I was.

We choose our life lessons before we are born. Even if it does not make sense to you now, one day, no doubt it will.

If you really are struggling, please please see a professional therapist. It really can help, to have someone listening to you, who is not going to abuse you further. A professional therapist is safer for you, while you heal, than another relationship with another psycho. Yes people meet more than one in a row. Heal YOU first.

You are beautiful. You are kind. If you weren’t the psycho would not have been interested in you in the first place.

It might all seem to be about loss, but what you gained is your story. This makes you a more interesting individual, also a happier version of you, as you can look back and think ‘thank god I am not with that psycho anymore’.

I am glad you made it out alive. Please don’t give up. Please don’t be sad. Your life, is only just beginning, even if you cannot see it now. One day you will look out of the window see blue sky, sunshine, warmth and the beauty of the world. I promise you will.

Hang in there if you met one at the time of bereavement of someone you loved. I know it can be absolutely devastating, soul destroying, and worse, is that while the psycho masked the grief, you now have to deal with that pain too. If this is you, cry, let it all out, but please don’t return because it was easier than dealing with your grief. Go through it, grieve it, write about it, paint, draw, anything to get your feelings out, but never go back. You can’t put a temporary band aid onto a deep core soul wound and expect it to stay permanently better.

You are going to be ok. You are going to be more than ok. You are going to be brilliant. Eventually, one day, when you are ready. I promise you will, and if you are struggling to see this right now – just hang in there. Please hang in there. Don’t be afraid. Nothing can harm you now. You are safe.

Heal. Peace. Love to you.

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34 thoughts on “What I learned from Dating a Sociopath Psychopath

  1. “You are beautiful. If you were not, the psychopath would not have not been interested in you in the first place.

    The psychopath is beautiful. Were s/he not, you would not have been interested in h/im in the first place.

    Love is grace. Accept it. Don’t try to make it something It’s notn

    1. You are being ridiculous now. You have to pretend to be something you are not, to be seen that way? If you showed who you really were, and your true intentions nobody would go anywhere near you?

      1. You haters are so mean spirited. If we are so terrible, why do you keep falling in love with us? If it’s all deception, you folks must be pretty dumb because you’ve had this blog up a long time and y’all keep falling.

      2. I haven’t been there for 2 years. Psychos target people who are missing something in their lives, they like to prey on the vulnerable. Anyone really where they can sell that person a product that you don’t actually have. Why can’t you focus on your own life, rather than preying on others.

      1. Nowve666…. you and your kind are pathetic!!! Yes, we fell for the sociopaths because we never knew such vile creatures exist!!! And you lowlifes are really good at acting… that’s not our fault that we couldn’t fathom that you sickos exist. Go troll somewhere else Sir!!

      2. If you have high self esteem, really (Not this grandiosity) why do you need to live off of other people? Like a parasite? That to me, indicates low self esteem. Preying on others makes you feel good, intelligent, clever, whatever. Put you on an island on your own. Nobody else to bother, I wonder how you would feel then? Empty and bored I guess?

      3. On the contrary. I got over my pathetically emotionally bereft Spath with help from this site. Bumped into him after 6 weeks no contact and had a conversation with him for an hour. With distance and dispassionate observation came my revelation that he had nothing original to say; nothing of depth to add to our interaction, repeated old well-worn stories that probably weren’t his to take credit for, and overall I realised what an impotent phoney he was underneath. I left that shallow conversation with a ton of dignity and self esteem – happy that I’d seen the flaky BS and image veneer I’d once been fooled into thinking was genuine. Even what you are writing is lacking substance and originality. I could say “grow up”. Then again, you wouldn’t know how to.

  2. The psychcopath is still in my life he follows me around every where I go also has the community follow me around yes I know it sound crazy. That’s because he is crazy. This one is even more crazier then my ex.
    I don’t know this person on a personal level never had anything with him. Why is he contorting my life by stalking me. I’m doing everything I can not to see him out and about. I hate him. How can I make him leave me alone.
    My ex is the lest of my problems now that he took everything that was mine. If I want to see my kids which I do I have to see my ex. I don’t need to heal because I never formed emotional bond with my ex, when I recognise what he was like years ago.
    Just wish I was more courteous of my property.
    It’s been five years of healing I’m done. I’m ready to move on to get my revange back who ever comes in arms length of me except my kids.
    I have to copy him and be just like him. I’m not going to forget or forgive what was done to me. I already see the beautiful world that we live in. Just want my stalker to piss off and take his f campaign and showe it up his ass. He is not going to get away with what he has done to me.
    Thanks for writing back

      1. Yes he wants me to go to him. But he will be waiting for ever or get tiered and disappear. Then I get abused by the people around me . I hope he leaves soon because I’m very very stuben. That’s why I hate people. Specially man.

    1. I’m this way because of years of abuse. It’s not my fault I’m the product of their abusive smear campaign. Its survival. No one can judge me but God. It should be against the law what they are currently doing to me and my kids.

  3. Come on! Grow up you guys. Everyone has their own way to digest what they had to go through with the socio/psycho. Although we all no doubt experienced pretty much the same type of experiences , we still are all very much different because of out uniqueness and how God fashioned us. What we need more than anything is to pray for one another to heal, hope and live again, this is the ultimate goal and prayerfully to to love again from a healthy prospective. Shalom💕

  4. Thank you Positivagirl… I feel like you wrote this just for me today, as I’ve been struggling recently. God is good because I’ve prayed to get through this and not hit rock bottom again. He answered my prayers because I’ve had a wonderful weekend. I’ve not had much time to think of him, when I’m alone and he pops in my thoughts I push him out and do something, read, or watch something that I like. Taking it one day at a time but the goal is to not completely move on to where I don’t think about him or care what he’s doing.

    1. Fresh hope and opportunities. To do this, focus on gratitude and what is around you Cindy, you are doing well. Keep going. Only ONE day at a time. If you can make today amazing, you can begin to make your life amazing.

  5. Hello all, it has been almost 1.5 years since I kicked the wackadoodle to the curb and erased him from my life. Life has been amazing since then. The healing came in stages though. I finally crawled out of the fog and started making positive improvements to my life. You wouldn’t believe what all I’ve done to my house, to my body, to my mind. Some accomplishments were tiny, and some were huge. I feel pure joy now. I put the focus back on me with no drama, no heart break, no stress. Everything I did was with the mindfulness to make my life better.

    I loved this comment, “Being FREE is the best feeling in the world. You will not realize what a hell hole you were in, until you escape. For good, for real. I mean really escape, in that you don’t really give a shit what they are doing. You don’t want to know as you don’t want anything more to do with them. Yes this time will come for you too.” I still have my days though…where my mind starts thinking about it again. Not for wanting him or anything to do with him…but just the realization that pure evil exists. Hard to wrap the brain around it but it’s true. But once you are out of the fog, and on the positive track for YOUR life and YOU, it gets easier to push it out of your thoughts. He has no hold on me any longer. Sure he’s tried to reach me as all good sociopaths do but I just kept blocking and no longer have a web presence.

    The more I researched about sociopaths, especially here at positivagirl’s site, the smaller he became. He got tiny in my head. I realized how stupid it all really was and he got smaller and smaller. One day I realized he got so tiny that he disintegrated and turned to pure dust and I blew him away and watched the specks fall. It was a powerful visual for me. You have to retrain your brain.

    Thanks for the awesome website positivagirl…you wouldn’t believe how much it has helped me!

    1. Thank you wackadoodle. It is good to hear that you are making good healing and recovery and that life is going well for you. You are right, if someone has done brainwashing to you, if you are living in cognitive dissonance, you need to retrain your brain. Often fastest way is to back to where you were safe and secure before you knew them, If that is not possible, then retrain your mind to practice mindful thinking.

      1. Your way of writing with the bullet points and repetition within each article was very effective for me. Like a proverbial pounding it into my head. Simple yet effective. All of the “winning” and “control” statements made me angry…no hell no he doesn’t win or control me any longer. I’m turning that around on HIM. I bought a special made shirt with “winning” on it and it cracks me up.

        I also knew the names of several of his other victims from going through his stuff. I started feeling very sorry for them instead of myself. I got angry that he could do this to so many and I knew the pain they were going through. I stayed my distance and never contacted them…but it just made me angry that these very good decent women were going through it. It helped me to feel that empathy for others. I started figuring out how he weaved through all of us picking up things from each woman and using it as his original intelligence. Some of his statements made more sense. He would get us confused! And he is so not original!

        What I learned the most is sociopaths will do and say ANYTHING to keep the game alive. ANYTHING. I’ve heard it all…sickness, death, made for TV stories, supposed suicidal, his “sick” children, his “sick” Mother, on and on and on. If they feel the slightest slip in their control they will say ANYTHING to get it back. They never tell the truth…EVER. It’s a big show for them. But I called him out on the cracks in his stories. In the end he knew I knew the entire truth. When things got tough with me and I started catching on to some things and not all happy happy smiley smiley he would leave while I was gone from the house and go on to the next woman. He was a traveling sociopath. They crave attention and adoration and mine skipped from one to the other to get the most bang for his buck.

        Another thing that helped me is I tried to pick the good things I learned from him during our 1.5 year relationship. Products that he turned me onto, better ways of doing things, suggestions from him. I incorporated the good, and threw out the bad. It made me go HA!…I’m winning! And you just thought you took me down! I bet he never thought he would HELP me. 🙂

        I also watch a LOT of crime shows. They are all psychopaths and sociopaths. Which made me take a self defense class. That’s the one thing I still struggle with…my safety. Late at night is tough for me. I’m still working on that one. I feel so exposed.

        Wow, I filled in the entire comments section! I’m outta here…as I contemplate if wackadoodle should have an “h” after the “w”. LOL!

        Thanks again positivagirl…you are AWESOME!

  6. You folks have the ability to shout “pathetic,” “evil,” “vile,” and “parasitic.” I suppose you think that proved something. It only proved you know a few words. Bravo!

    1. We know much more than words. We know how sociopaths act, lie, manipulate, steal, abuse and maim. We know more that you will ever know. And all of that knowledge will protect us from evil, vile pathetic shells like you.

      666? Tell me, who is your partner????? Good choice of number.

  7. Nowve666,
    Yes, this blog has been up a long time. But you’re the one who must be “pretty dumb” not to notice that the majority of posts are by NEW visitors, not the same ones that were posting two years ago. (Well, except for you!)

    It’s a shame you have to have to keep trolling here to get your daily dose of validation to fuel your ego, since like all the other sociopaths out there you’re just an entry level empty shell. You have no “self” in self-esteem. Get well soon! 😁

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