I am writing this post from my new home, a beautiful home, close to the city centre, with fantastic views of the city.
As with many victim stories, I lived for many years, in fear of what else I would lose, my home was one of those things. The sociopath knew that my home was important to me. My baby died there. So, he did all that he could to try to ensure that i would lose my home.
As is common story of many victims, I stood strong, and fought to retain what was left of the ashes of my life. I did not want to lose my home. The longer that I held on, the more stress I felt. Until I found another place to move, to. But it worked out, that the place that I moved to, is better, in a better area, with a better view, and better communications, than the home I moved from.
If this is you, hanging on, I know it is hard when you have faced considerable losses, to experience further loss, it feels like they have ‘won’. I want to tell you, that Sociopaths never really ‘win’. They just give that illusion.
Moving for me, was a six week process. During that time, I heard from the Sociopath, twice. Not my choice, he contacted me. Always it is useful for me, as it keeps me updated on my work. The first call, was typical, telling me how he had just been for a job interview, and now had the job, how excited he was, the second telling me (weeks later) that he was moving elsewhere. I wondered if he remembered that he told me only a few weeks earlier that he had a new job. Probably not, he spun so many lies, sometimes he would repeat lies back to me, that he had told others, forgetting, that I was a party to the events, and would know that it was a lie. Not that the truth ever mattered to a sociopath, only spinning the truth, is important, and getting off on the gullibility of others.
Today I write from my new home. I am happy. Yes, I lost financially further, to move, losing furniture, and other things, I probably lost a few thousand more. But, it was a good feeling that:
- He no longer knew where I lived, and could not turn up hammering on my door, even if he did, it was a communal door, and to get to me, he had to use my door intercom system. Which I could switch off. He definitely could not be hammering on my window. I no longer have a ground floor, for him to hammer on.
- I had a place of my own, with no memories, no bad times, and a fresh start in life.
It has been a considerable time since I have written on this blog. I would like to return to it. As I know that there is no worse feeling in the world, than being victimised by a psycho/sociopath. They are experts at their game and will leave you feeling:
- Considerable losses that you cannot replace
- Poor self esteem
- Possibly PTSD
- Alone and lost in this world
You can recover yourself, and repair the broken self within. You are not ruined forever. Despite you might think this.
My recovery took many years. For many of you, it might take less time. In addition to Psychopathic ruining, I had also experienced the death of my daughter. So I had this to overcome too. You might not (or might) have additional experiences.
You see, when I heard from him, he was the same, he had to move from where he was living due to ruining some other persons life. I did not warn, or anything else. What would be the point? He would have already warned, I was some crazy psycho, and he was the victim, to do this, I would only have reinforced his victimhood, so I didn’t. Of course, true to form, he repeated his behaviour, and was asked to leave by the next victims family member, after she also ended up in therapy. Of course, he denied that this was due to his behaviour, and blamed it on her ex.
He said to me, while still in that location the following, I will repeat it here, in case it helps someone else:
- It is not that bad, I have not had to move ‘yet’
- I do not think of anyone else, apart from my last victim
- He was still focused on that victim, and prepared to cause as much destruction to her as possible, as he knew he would eventually move on
This reminded me of 2012, when he had written emails to 85 of my close contacts, and told lies with a thread of the truth, they knew – to make his lies sound believable. At that time, he told me ‘that he did not care, he did not have to live in my city – I did’.
Yes, it is fucked up. But that is the way that it is. Destruction is their toolkit in life. At least the destruction of others lives.
The worst thing is that they love to target vulnerable people. People who have already been through a rough time, and are seeking a way out. Psychos love to provide the false illusion of a faux escape route.
Only you will not realise how faux it is, until you are so far emotionally/financially invested that it can be almost impossible to leave.
I ran a poll on this site, that is still on the front page. It proved what I always knew to be true, that the people that read my work, are either still in the relationship, or if they have left, they are still lurking around, wielding control, and imposing fear onto their victim.
Living in fear
I lived my life, for many years in fear.
I lived in fear for many years.
Fear did not subside when I left the relationship. I lived in constant fear. Psychos work hard to make sure that you will not leave them. They also work hard to make sure that nobody else would want you either (so you will not leave them and nobody else would steal you away).
I felt like shit about myself. My fear was so intense, I could not be with another man intimately until – this weekend. We split for good in January 2015. In my case, we split as he had pushed me so far, he pushed me to suicide. Services were onto him, and laws were changing in the UK, if he had continued with me as his victim, it was likely he would have been arrested.
From leaving, it took him another year, to extract himself from control over my life. I got a job, and he looked up directors of the company, and said that he would write to them ‘about me’, he said he would report me to animal cruelty for leaving my dog at home while I worked, so I re-homed her. I was so broken and damaged, I believed him. I gradually, over time, removed everything in my life, that he could take away from me.
The only thing left, was my home. Even this was damaged. I do not know, but strongly suspect, that he reported me to my landlord, with a thread of truth, combined with lies. I lived in fear for many years, that I would lose my home.
Eventually, I moved. To a better place. A place, that is better for my needs. Today I am doing well, and am really happy.
And the psycho…. still running, still ruining, still destroying lives. Nothing changes.
If you are hoping that perhaps they might change, and become a better person, you are living on false hope. I will write this in capitals, to reinforce what I want to say THEY CANNOT CHANGE, THE OUTCOME WILL ALWAYS BE THE SAME!!
Hanging out with false hope will only waste more time in your life, the outcome will ALWAYS be the same. ALWAYS.
If I can do this, you can too. It might not take you as long to fully recover as it did me, as I also had to process the death of my daughter too and a very lengthy negligence legal case for what happened when she died (sociopaths motive – money).
What is good
It is good, that I became used to loss. So when moving, when I moved to a much smaller place, losing so many of my possessions, was ok, as I had become used to loss. It is a good feeling, that today, that part of my life is finally over, chapter closed. Never to be re-opened. Moving from the house, with all of the memories, which took me six weeks to move, was a difficult task. In the latter weeks of the move, I could see, what an adverse impact living in the house was for me. I would have panic attacks just driving to the house. In every part of the house was memories that sucked me in. I did not realise how bad it was, until I moved.
Today, I am glad I never have to return there.
I have a fresh start in life. I can return to writing this blog, responding to emails, comments, and could work to support people 1-1. If you have written to me recently, asking for help, I apologise for my lack of response. I have been focused on me, and resolving my own life.
Today, I am on the other side. I know that many of you are not there yet. But I want to write to you, to tell you, your life is NOT ruined. You are not forever destroyed. You CAN rebuild and build a much better life.
Oh, and if there are any readers to this blog, who were here in earlier times and donated to my work through paypal, you helped me. With living expenses at the time, and I invested in things I could sell if I needed it, and this helped me pay recently for removal costs and flooring etc, in my new place. So, thank you!! In a way, a part of my new place, was as a result of you.
Meeting another victim – in a field in Somerset
A part of my own recovery, was to find who I used to be. I was a person who loved the outdoors, and would annually go to Glastonbury Festival (UK). This year, I volunteered to erect tents, in the hope I could work at the festival. One hot day, I went to a field in Somerset, and met a woman, we were eating lunch, and she said, ‘I was with a psychopath, I wrote a book about it’. My jaw dropped…. as I said about my own experiences and this blog.
The work fell through, and she accessed other work, and contacted me, asked me if I wanted to work with her (at the festival). I said yes, and we spent a fantastic few days together. She is very like me, only she has been through court system, has a child and has blocked access legally. It is my hope that for the future, she will work with me. She is an incredible person. As I am sure all of you are too – they target incredible, good people, who they can destroy.
What topics would you like me to cover?
I am keen not to repeat old work. I would like to cover new ground. Is there any topic that you would like me to write about, that I have not yet covered? Please let me know.