How to get a Sociopath or Psychopath to leave your home

6a011571275931970c015391a98ed1970b

This post is in response to Stacey’s question, who said that she didn’t want to give up on him as she is a Christian. But how does she ask him to leave her home? At the end of this post, I offer a guide of what to do, to get him to leave your home.

 

I’ve been doing a lot of research lately on this disorder and believe that I am dating a sociopath as 17 out of these 18 signs were spot on. I have known him for years and we just began dating a few months ago and he moved in shortly after. How do I end things and get him to move out of my house? I do feel as though I am the only one there for him and he has inconsistent income. Being a Christian it is hard to give up on him, but I know this is what I need to do. Please help or direct me to an article that may help me end things.

Dear Stacey,

Thank you for your comment. I wanted to write my response as a post, as I think you raise some important issues, that I know are common difficulties for many who want to leave a psycho. You are right to question, ‘how do I get him to move out of my house?’.

For someone who hasn’t been involved with this particular type of personality, they might think well the answer is you just ask him/her to leave.

Perhaps, if you were involved with a narcissist, or someone who was just a chancing freeloader, simply asking them to leave, might work. Sure you might get some abuse, but threaten to call the police if they refuse to go, and likely they would move out. This would be a relief, as likely the Narcissist would be putting you down, and making you feel miserable, to make themselves feel better.

The psycho is a different personality type. They usually have a ‘victim type’. Ordinarily this will be someone who is

  • Kind, compassionate and thoughtful towards others (he would have checked this with you, at the ‘Assessment stage‘).

You say that you are a Christian, and that it is hard for you to give up on him, due to your beliefs. Likely you are a kind, caring person who wants to help someone, particularly someone who is down on their luck. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was how he moved into your property in the first place. 

The psycho will usually look for a victim who is identifying as someone who has something missing in their life. You would also be looking for someone else to fulfil that void. This can include:

  • The bereaved
  • Single parents
  • Previously heartbroken by a former partner who perhaps hadn’t treated you right
  • Formerly abused
  • Those connected to the church (they can be known to hang around church to meet victims)
  • Those with addictions
  • People with serious life problems (that they will offer to help/solve)
  • The disabled
  • Recently abused
  • Lonely people
  • And even those with great wealth, who advertise how much they have to give away/share
  • People who work in the care profession

I am sure that the list is much longer. But the above are the primary ones that spring to mind for me.

Who they target, usually depends on what they want? And if they think that you can give them what they want? The easier that you are to manipulate and therefore control, the more interested in you that they will be. Sometimes, it will be for their own entertainment and fun. Because they are bored, and it will be a good game to play. Other times, it is because they want something from you.

I know of three females that my ex was with after me.

  1. Single parent, recently betrayed by former partner
  2. A psychologist (she ended up in therapy, and her family had to ask him to leave her home). Also a single parent.
  3. Someone who worked in a solicitors – the mother of his child had said to him that he needed to take her to court if he wanted access to his child. She also had her own home. Was a single parent.

Your email doesn’t offer too much information. Why do you think he is a Sociopath? Or what has happened, that you now want to get him out of your home? I will presume that the following is happening – please feel free to tell me, if this isn’t the case:

  • You are financially paying for everything. You feel like a financial tap has been turned on, and you don’t quite know how to turn it off.
  • Things are just going ‘wrong’
  • Dramatic things are happening in your life (usually engineered by the sociopath)
  • You don’t have space for your own life, or your own thoughts anymore
  • What might have been a temporary arrangement (or might not), now feels like it is never ending
  • Your needs are not being taken care of, as all of your energy and time is spent either tending to his needs (and you feel bad, if you don’t), or micromanaging the constant drama that is happening.
  • You feel like you are losing your sense of identity
  • You don’t feel ‘at home’ in your own home
  • You feel monitored and watched
  • You are constantly questioned, or feel like you have to give explanation
  • You no longer spend time with other people, increasingly it is you and him time
  • You might have items of belongings that have gone missing, there is no explanation, and the person who is living with you, tells you that you must have lost, or misplaced those things
  • Most importantly, as this person is living in your home, you feel that there is no way out. How can you not pay for his food, when you need to eat yourself? How can you not pay his bills, when you need to pay for the roof over your own head, and your own household bills?

This wasn’t the deal right? This wasn’t what you signed up to? Now you feel trapped.

I want you to know, that this is common psychopathic behaviour. They question you, to find out if you will give them what they want. They will offer to help you, be very helpful, kind and caring towards you. They make out that this will just be a temporary thing. They sell you a product that doesn’t actually exist. You are now tired of waiting for what was promised to materialise.

But how do you get out of this situation? Maybe you have tried to talking to him. He just isn’t taking the hint. Or worse, he guilt trips you. Tells you that he will not have anywhere else to go. He might use your faith against you. Telling you that you are a bad Christian. He might threaten to tell other people at the Church, exactly who you are. Despite those allegations are not true, and you would be mortified if he did that.

What do you fear? 

The sociopath already knows all about you. He knows more about you, than you could possibly know. By being in your home, he has access to so much information. He will threaten you with, very subtly. He will play the honourable man. He will make you question your own reality, of who you really are. He might either completely isolate you from others. Or ensure that whenever you spend time with other people, he is also there too. So that you are shut off from external support. If he is there, when you see other people, he will be subtly controlling their opinion of you, furthering your sense of isolation. Meanwhile, he will of course, be there to help you through this difficult time (that he has created).

The question of ‘what do you fear?’ is an important one. As this is the one thing that the Sociopath will place pressure on, to get you to comply to his needs.

Advice – what to do to get him out of your home

  • Tell him that he has to leave. Time frame this. Maybe in a weeks time. Or two weeks. Whatever suits you. Just say that you need your space back. You don’t need to give any further reasons why.
  • Don’t be manipulated that he has nowhere else to go. This isn’t your problem.
  • Write down a list of WHY you want him to leave your home. Keep this in a safe place. (Locked away in your car if you have one). If you feel that you are being manipulated, return to this list, to help keep you strong. Continue to add to the list as each behavioural incident occurs (manipulation will cloud your memory of events)
  •  The truth is, he could find somewhere else to go, but he won’t if he can live off you for free.
  • Be firm, be confident, even if you don’t feel that way. Fake it until you make it. Make it clear, that you will not change your mind. Remind him during that time frame that he needs to find somewhere else, if he doesn’t it won’t be your fault if he has nowhere else to go.
  • Offer to help him find somewhere else. But be clear that you cannot pay for it. Cut off the financial supply.
  • Expect that he likely will start being good, pulling his weight, make promises that he will pay his way, start being very helpful and useful. Remember that this will not last. The outcome will always be the same. The cycle will repeat. It will keep repeating for as long as you allow it.
  • Be strong, expect that things could get worse and escalate if when he finally does move out. Or prior to. Expect that he will use anything that he has against you, to blacken your name. To make you look bad to others. He will threaten what he will say about you. Do not live in fear of this. The truth is, he will likely do this anyway, once connections are cut. Nothing you do or say can stop this. The outcome will always be the same.
  • Focus on you. Your life. Remember that you cannot fix anybody else. You can only fix yourself.
  • You are not a bad person for asking someone to leave your home, who has taken over, and is making your life a misery. You are only responsible for taking care of your needs.
  • If you reach the end date, and he refuses to leave your home, say that you will call the police to ask to have him removed from your home, ensure that you follow through with this. Do call the police if necessary, have him removed as a trespasser. Never make threats that you are not prepared to follow through. Calling the police on somebody if it came to that, can be scary, particularly if you have had not had police involvement before, but it is important that you do this, otherwise his free ride could last for a very long time (years even). Don’t feel bad, or worry that you will ‘get him into trouble’ by calling the police.
  • Once he has gone. Make sure that you change the locks.
  • Try to speak to one friend/family member that you trust. Ensure that this is NOT a mutual friend. Likely you could feel embarrassed and not want to talk to anyone about what has happened. This is the time that you need to lose your pride. Just speaking to one person that you trust, (that isn’t a mutual associate) can help to support you.

Remember

  • Give an end date
  • Write a list to remind you why you need him to leave (put this in a safe place)
  • Speak to one friend/family member (that isn’t mutual associate) for support
  • Cut off his supply
  • Try not to be scared of his threats of what he will do to you, if you don’t do what he wants.
  • It is OK to help him to find somewhere else
  • Expect threats, manipulation, threatening to blacken your name. You cannot change this, and likely this will be the outcome anyway (but the longer you leave it, the more it costs)
  • Remember that you cannot fix him. You can only fix you.
  • If he still refuses to leave. Call the police.

All rights reserved, please do not copy unless using sharing buttons. Copyright datingasociopath.com 2019

20 thoughts on “How to get a Sociopath or Psychopath to leave your home”

    1. Why she is living with him and says she is a Christian is not the issue this is not about her it is about getting him out of her house it is dangerous I know as I was held against my will by a sociopath and feared for my life !!

      1. I mention the religion as it is important. They target particular types of people. And will use your belief system against you. Saying you are a bad person. Playing on your restrictions due to beliefs (to be kind, help others)

  1. Make it a priority to rid yourself of this guy! THIS PART IS SPOT ON! “Who they target, usually depends on what they want? And if they think that you can give them what they want? The easier that you are to manipulate and therefore control, the more interested in you they will be. Sometimes, it will be for their own entertainment and fun.” Great Post! I am still struggling with getting my daughter to “see the light” but they can blind you, make you feel sorry for them, blame you for their behaviors and as we know the list goes on. I wish you peace. Take care of YOU!!!!!

  2. I looking since a year for a recommendation like that. I googeled and googeled. Now I found your and this is so true.

    Three years ago, I fell in love with a sociopath who moved in one years later and until now I not gotten rid of him. He lives for free, works a little after I got him some jobs. After I found this blog, I thought wow, so right everything.

    Now I am without a job and need his income. I am really broke. A soon as I have again a job, he will leave here of course with a note. I have not known someone like this before. I had a horrible mother and she abused me and I really had to learn about bounnderies. All my savings are gone.

    This was a life experience. I learned so much, but on the very hard way. Still I like him, but this can not go in forever. No life plan, nothing only to Vampire others and to live off them. Disgusting.

    1. Hi Sam, I am sorry that this has happened to you. I take it from what you are saying that he is still living with you, and living off you?

      It can be tough once they get their feet under the table. Getting rid of them is not easy, they are like a virus or cancer, they infect every area of your life, thriving off you like a parasite. Your money is all gone, and you are left with nothing. I can almost guarantee, you will never see anything again.

      They deliberately target people who have perhaps already gone through some things in their life. Have a ‘gap’ that they can fake to help you with, all the while they are using you to get what they want.

      This can be tough, especially if you have already been through a tough time, leaving you feeling betrayed and worthless.

      I want you to know, that he will not change. When you do finally get rid of him, despite illusions that he will give that he has met someone else, that he is a wonderful man now, and that it was all your fault. Do not buy this. As this is an illusion that they all play out. You don’t need him.

      You can heal, repair, and rebuild your life. But I promise that this will not happen while he is still in your life. Yes, you are absolutely right, they are disgusting.

  3. Dear positiv girl. Thank you for the answer. Yes, I agree, he will not change and is looking for new supply. Disgusting. As soon as I have a new job, I will get him out. Yes, they target single mom, who have not an ex who does his parent duty.

    Of course, all my fault. Yeah. The former one did that with him over 10 years. I am in year 4 now like you. I woke up in summer last year. After three years I woke up and saw it all. When the money vanished he dropped the mask. If all the exes are crazy, you know what is going on.

    I can do so much better. Yes, I went though a lot of shit. Exhusband and narcisstic parents.

    I am working on myself. Thank you for that blog and for that entree. You are so very right it is tough onces they are in. As I said, I was searching the Internet on and off and reading every single information on this topic. It looks like some women have the same problem like I do. But I will solve that. I deserve better threatment. I am worth it !

    Sam

    1. Yes absolutely you do. It does take a while to recover from their bullshit. But to be honest once over that peace and quiet and someone not financially bleeding you dry is a relief. I hope you get him out soon. The longer he is around the more it costs you. Even if that cost is to your health and sanity.

  4. Yes. Thank you again. I will update what is going on here. Today I got yelled at again. Ugh. Build myself a protection shield, invisible.

    Xoxo and thank you again, Sam

    1. I am sorry. You know this isn’t going to stop until he is gone. And like giving up anything smoking drinking going on a diet at first it’s tough to quit. But worth it in the end. He won’t change. Outcome will always be the same.

  5. To add something to the post : what sucks so really. They eat up all your food and do not care to buy new. Toilet paper, use everything. Good, I am so done with this. Just leave my house and never come back. I really paid two years for all of this, ecause being a single mother with an Exnarc I was glad someone took care of my child when I had no time. Eat all my cookies. Done. Just done.

    1. You know this is deliberate? They enjoy the power and control of seeing you paying for them and then suffering/struggling. To top it off they often will then give load of lies of how to help you out of the situation that they created. Deliberately. Make no doubt about it. This is deliberate they enjoy seeing you struggle it empowers them 😦

  6. Positivgirl, wow, so much evilness is hard to believe. I am quite shocked. But as you say so, I realize you are spoton it. Yes, he wishes me failure and very bad things to come. I can hardly believe that.

    1. I know. Worst thing is how they claim to be the one helping you. Or want things to get better for you. Telling you how he will get a job. Or get money to contribute. It will be easier than being on your own. Leaving you with the false sense that if you stay things will get better. It is quite sick and they actually get a kick from seeing you suffer. While feigning to help you. From what you have said I believe he is this type of character. Your life and struggles will never get better while he is around. No matter his false claims and promises. Your financial situation will surely worsen.

      1. Yes, it has worsen more and more, because the money he made went into drugs. Yes, it is very sick, I could not do anything today. He needs to go quickly. That is terror what he does. Plain terror. The more I realize this, the more nasty he becomes.

        He has to leave ASAP.

      2. I have to be honest. Even if he didn’t do drugs. If he is a sociopath (and the behaviour you have explained could only be carried out by someone without a conscience) their patterning is the same. With or without drugs. I had worked with drug users (see the post ‘the relationship is over so why can’t you let go take me to your drug dealer) you might like that one. I worked with that type most of my life. I would also yell what the fuck is wrong with you…. Then later I would realise. It was deliberate.

  7. Like you I was hoping. But I needed to read that it is hopeless. I now care for myself, get that out. I not allow him anymore to treat me like this and that is why the rage, loosing control ist becoming so awful.

    That was maybe what ai needed. To realize how my family was, to close that past. To realize why I had such a longtime abusive relation.
    That will never ever happen to me again like a vaccine.

  8. I wonder why I suddenly get it all. Is it because he is behaving worse ? Yes, he is. But there were so many nasty things he did before. I read read so many books. But not before I landed here, I really got it. I wanted him to leave yes, but now I checked what he is without a doubt. Why the heck did I not cut the cord earlier and he hoovered me back ? Last year, I wanted him out, when ai found him on a dating side. Is it because I am single woman and have no extended family close by ?

    I am still under shock. Why it takes so much abuse until we see it what it is ? A fake. Lost time with someone who did not care at all. Because they fake it so well ?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s