The illusion of truth to the outside world. Sociopath and Psychopath manipulation of the victim, to give a view to the outside world. Happy Valentines day..

Happy valentines day to you beautiful people.

Today this came up as a Facebook memory (I have obscured the face to protect the guilty). The date was February 14th, 2012.  I am sharing this for those of you who are sad and maybe deluded by the Sociopath fake Facebook photos with their new victim. How happy they are, and how amazing they are being to their new victim, so it must be you, right?

Don’t feel bad, if this is you.

Sometimes the images that we see…. are not always real.  416593_10151279616500652_998688177_o

This was Valentines day 2012.  I had no idea that i was being set up. I probably couldn’t have been more vulnerable. My baby had died  the year before, and my grandmother died. I had met the Sociopath only a few weeks after my grandmothers death, on December 27th 2011.

He was,  by now living in my home. He faked that he had a great job, but that he was waiting for pay. He had told me that he had been headhunted by a company and was line managing 60 staff.  This was of course lies, there was no job, but I wouldn’t have known this.

Already he was manipulating me. He would tell me to write on Facebook how I felt about him, and if I didn’t then I was ashamed of him. Like an idiot, I complied. The scene was being set, to manipulate me to behave, so that he could control how others saw me. Sociopaths are good at doing this. They like to control everything. Life is, merely a game to them, and you, the victim, are just a mere pawn in the game. The prize, is whatever you have to take.

Only I didn’t know this.

On this day, he had came home from his fake job, as it was 2012, it was a leap year. Before you make judgement as to what a complete idiot I was. I want you to know that I was severely traumatised. I had sat with my grandmother, holding her hand as she died, only weeks before meeting him. The year before my baby daughter had died at birth.

I was grief stricken, devastated and traumatised. So, bear this in mind, when I tell you the story. This was taken exactly a year before this blog would start in February 2013.

He was funny, charming, charismatic, intelligent, and he made me laugh. I properly laughed for the first time in a genuine way since my daughter had died. I really thought that life was maybe turning a corner. .

Now this is crazy….

On returning from home, from ‘work’ (I think he spent his days in the library pretending to work), as there was no pay at all during 2012.  He came home and told me that as it was a leap year, that guys in the office, their partners were asking for marriage, and that I should do the same. He knew that he had met the love of his life. If I loved him, I would ask him to marry him. He said that if I didn’t then I would miss the opportunity, and wouldn’t be able to again for another four years.

Even this, in my traumatised state felt wrong. But Sociopaths are persuasive. So, I agreed, and asked him to marry me. He made me put it on Facebook, and also wrote on his own Facebook wall, how amazed he was, that I had asked him to marry him. What a lucky man he was!

The truth was, this wasn’t my idea. I tried to object, but didn’t want a row. By making me write it on Facebook,  he was manipulating me to do what he wanted. But to ensure that it was done publically. So that he could also control how other people saw me.

The photo

This photo was dulely posted on Facebook. To the outside world, it looked like we were having a warm intimate Valentines dinner. We were happy in love. The real truth is that he had no money. Not a penny. I was paying for everything. Food, tobacco, travel, phone credit.

The truth of this photo, was that he had returned home from work, manipulated me to ask him to marry him. Persuaded me that we should have a celebratory dinner (that i paid for entirely).  Persuaded me to buy food, drink even flowers. Then he said ‘are you not going to take a photo for Facebook, let everyone know the good news?’ So, the photo went onto Facebook. Yet I had paid for everything. Even my own valentines flowers. But viewers to the post on Facebook wouldn’t know that. He was grooming me, to display to others, what a ‘nice guy’ he was.

The engagement and the ring

It gets better. And you might sigh, how could I be so stupid? He then said that I should get a ring. He wanted me to wear a ring to show others that we were together. But he didn’t have the money right now, could I cover it, and he would pay for it when he ‘got paid’. He wanted me to have it as soon as possible, could I loan him the money. So, I paid for a ring, ordered it online.

The day that the enagement ring was delivered, that morning, before the delivery arrived. He started a fight, out of nowhere. Then he stormed out, was on the phone, pretending to call the police, if I didn’t leave him alone. I had no idea that he was leaving with money that he had stolen from my bank account. I went to the cashpoint to get money out. Only there was no money left in my account. Meaning not only could I not pay my bills, I had no money for food.

I was shocked, and in tears. The door knocked hours later. It was delivery of the engagement ring, that i had paid for.

It would be some time later before I discovered how he had been taking my cashpoint card, stealing from my account. Would take my card and use it in stores. While I would order yet another bank card. A new card, with a new pin would come. He would have access to that too. Helping himself to cash that I had taken out from the bank. But I was so traumatised, at that time, I could not figure how ‘why’ I had no money, I just knew that I didn’t.

My nightmare was just beginning.

I wanted to write this post. Simply as it was Valentines day.

Sometimes those memories that we see, are not the ones that are real. The image that you see on the outside, is not always as it is. If you are a person whose Sociopath has moved on, and you see ‘happy‘ images of them on social media with their new victim….

Remember that this is the image that the Sociopath creates to the outside world. They don’t just manipulate you, they also manipulate the victim, to do what they want, to give others the image that they want them to see.  Likely you would never discover the full truth of what was done to you.  But the image to the outside world… will often be one of perfection.

Happy Valentines. The best give of love that you could ever receive, is the love that you give to yourself. So love yourself. You really are worth it!

Copyright 2019.

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21 thoughts on “The illusion of truth to the outside world. Sociopath and Psychopath manipulation of the victim, to give a view to the outside world. Happy Valentines day..”

  1. Hi Positiva girl,
    Firstly to you, I hope you’ve met someone worthy of you now.
    It’s an emotional journey when you leave isn’t it…things you were confident about before meeting a Sociopath,go out the door after you’ve been through it.
    You doubt everything.
    The worst for me was explaining to professional people and friends exactly what it like….you may have felt the same as me?
    When you relay what you were subjected to,it almost feels as if you’re lying yourself,as some things were so bizarre.
    I often would start a sentence with friends by saying,I have no reason to make this up,but it’s so off the wall,I’m not sure you’ll understand 😐
    As I’ve said before,I left my ex in 2014, looking back if I knew half of what was going to transpire,maybe I would have stayed,but even when that thought enters my mind,my stomach actually heaves!!
    As with every Sociopath,their lies are something else,but when you recount them,you realise just how stupid some were,and some definitely wouldn’t have added up especially as to time scales etc.
    Luckily for me,I have been able to move on,and now with another partner.
    In some ways,I’m not overly proud of myself at times to what I’ve become now….ie,I don’t suffer fools gladly now,and I’m definitely more assertive,if I’m not happy I say so…whereas before I wouldn’t say anything and just let it fester in my brain.
    I hope you have been able to move on,and haven’t been too emotionally scarred by you experience.
    Much love to you 😘x

    1. Hey Lynn. Yes I still struggle with trusting people. I wrote the dear sociopath post 15th January 2015. He moved out of my city Jan 2016. I dated someone I knew from school over a year. But really. Am not interested really. I learned to like my own company. Maybe one day that will change. Even writing that post. I knew it sounded so daft. But they are so persuasive. Looking back you see just how full blown crazy it was. I am really pleased that you have found someone nice and are happy Lynne. For me personally, it taught me to go within for happiness. Ha I seem to have done that like a pro. Maybe that will change one day! 🙂

  2. Its funny bc even though my ex boyfriend is not a sociopath or psycho…..he had a full blown porn addiction to the point it was affecting his physical body from functioning normal……he was in such denial and constantly lying and covering…….I can relate to your story…….I never did find out the full truth on hiring women and hook up sessions for pay, but I began suspecting he was completely in over his head with the addiction and what it had come to……I finally ended it even without the solid proof of everything that I thought I had to have…..I had enough. With God’s help I was able to love me enough to say it was over and I was worthy enough to not be with a constant clever, lying individual that really only cared about himself and covering his addiction….. While trying to keep a girlfriend and professing his undying love that he supposedly could not live without to use his words……

    1. Hi Cami, you do need to know, if you thought about going back…. which hopefully you won’t. That psycho’s can appear very normal. They are intelligent, charismatic. The key characteristic is pathological lying and the ability to be manipulative. Many of them also have sex addiction too, as they are devoid of normal human emotion, cut off from other emotions. They can at least feel something in sex, and can have a high and a rush from the control that they feel with this. Both male and female types. I am pleased that you have broken free.

  3. I never for a second while reading your post think you were an idiot. You were manipulated while you were vulnerable, it’s completely understandable. I hope you have someone now who loves you like you deserve and your ex gets a good dose of karma.

  4. My heart goes out to you. A friend of mine was dating a narcissist. At first, she wasn’t sure he is one. However, in their first date, he had said something that conflicted what he had earlier to her that day. When she called him out on it, he acted like not ever making the statement to her

    The next plot my friend experienced with this guy was his refusal to meet his family and friends. Mind you this guy is a chiropractor in Paramus, NJ who claimed he was in the process of being divorced and claimed his young adult son lives with him. He has an older daughter in her 30s where he has been vague to my girlfriend about where she lives. All my friend knows is the daughter is a musician.

    Well she met her guy in August of 2018 on a dating site called Badoo. He had used a fake first name and she told me on their first date he was relunctant in telling her his last name. She said it was strange he seemed reluctant to tell her is last name after asking her to be exclusive on that same date meeting.

    Oh she mentioned after leaving the date she had with him. That evening he called her and told her he was in love with her. I told her it sounded like narc love bombing but she wanted to give him a benefit of doubt.

    Then, I noticed from her telling me in one of the many coincidences he would start being agitated over the smallest things. Like one time he made an issue over the waiter taking 10 minutes to bring their check. She said they were had just finished having a nice romantic dinner only for him to start getting mad that the waiter wasn’t fast enough with bringing him the bill.

    The other time she said they were staying at a nice hotel and they were heading out to see a movie but she had left her coat up in the room. She had said to him “honey I left my coat upstairs. Please get it.” My friend’s coat was a short jacket. He came back to the car with her coat and told her “sweetie this isn’t a coat. It’s a jacket. I know I said coat too but you should say jacket.” I told my girlfriend it doesn’t matter that she referred to her jacket as a coat. Regardless, it’s outter wear apparel. That he was trying to make her feel like she was ignorant.

    The next thing she told me; he would start not saying her name in his text messages. Instead, he would call her pet names but not personalize them as she did with him. Example, he started out saying “Good morning beautiful Gloria” to “hey Beautiful.” Then, one night my girlfriend said when they was out having dinner. Her boyfriend got a text message. He opened the message in front of her and it was a photo picture of a young 20 somthing woman body in a bikini (with the head cut out of shot).

    She said the picture was one of those spam pics but she said it was the text message that she had seen before the photo picture. She said it was him sent a message saying “hey Beautiful how are you.” That’s when she called him out sending that greeting to a woman. He tried to lie to her saying someone sent the message to him and everyone calls him beautiful. My friend said she asked him does he really think she’s stupid enough to believe that crap. That’s when she told him to personalize his pet name to her but he started calling her a diva. Then, tried to label it as a major problem. My friend was smart because he couldn’t stick with saying his pet name in a personalized manner.

    She said when Thanksgiving and Christmas was approaching (by this time they been exclusive for two months) he told her it wasn’t appropriate for her to meet his family. Gave her the bullshit that it was too soon. The next thing my girlfriend said he asked to take a break from the relationship. That he has too many things going on that is stressing him out.

    She asked him was he breaking up with her and he told her no. It is too many things happening and he doesn’t have time to give in the relationship. That there is business backed up. My friend had made sure to ask him for a date and time to reconnect. She said he kept avoiding giving an answer for five days. She said once he got back to her; he wouldn’t give her an exact day and time merely told her it would be in mid-January. I told my friend he is playing a game with her. That he most likely is still trying to hook a new girl in place. So, my friend asked him to give a specific day again. This time she said he gave a date and said he couldn’t give a specific time. The date he gave her was a month an half date that was pass celebrating on New Year’s Eve. I told my friend that mother fucker is getting ready to leave you and making time with someone else. She told me I was so on point.

    My girlfriend said he had taken her out to dinner and it was at that time he told her a list of made up problems in their relationship. It was mainly based on the bullshit problem of him not making a point to introduce her to his friends and family.

    My girlfriend said he had all of her things she left (with the exception of her maxi-pads) in his trunk. This guy was heartless to her. The one thing my friend said she thought was strange that he made sure to have all her stuff but her menstual pads that were left in his bathroom closet. I told her its because the dog threw them out during cheating on her. That’s why his ass request a month an 1/2 break to spend time brain washing the new victim.

    My girlfriend said he had the nerve to say they can be friends. I told her don’t dare be friends with him. She agreed and believes he only wants to keep in touch with her to get off on her struggling being dump.

    These narcissistic men are simply evil people. My friend is still recovering from the break up.

  5. Positivagirl, Thank you for sharing your experience.

    Since ending my relationship with my sociopath (who convinced me to spend nearly $80,000 on him in only a two month period) at the end of May 2018 I have met and ‘safely’ fallen in love with a fantastic man.

    This man asks nothing of me but to love him. I know this is a true love. I have met all of his family. Nothing is hidden. He is a simple man – a crop farmer, bee keeper, truck driver. My family has also met him and he has obtained both of my protective brothers’s approval. A funny is that if I were to total the amount of money I spent on him it would be less than $100. He does not like me to spend money on him.

    Ladies don’t give up hope that you will find your own true love.

    1. Laura how lovely to hear!! 🙂 I am pleased that you have met someone new and that you are happy. 80k, they sure are expensive. It is like turning a financial tap on, that you cannot turn off. Thank you for sharing! 🙂

      1. Sounds like she has had a lucky escape. Hopefully she won’t be too scarred. If it was a short time. It is good that she has you as a friend to support her.

  6. Positivagirl, glad you are in a better place and nice to ‘see’ you. Do you know HG Tudor’s work? I ask out of curiousity as to what you think of it as he is a narc and uses his blog to help people understand the mindset and to recover. It is hard to know what is real and what is not but he is pretty transparent and consistent in the way he interacts on the blog. He is obstinate but I like him.

    This image you posted struck me because on HG’s Instagram (not on the blog) he has been posting picture after picture of meals and drinks he is sharing with his newest victim. He seems to really want it to work this time but that’s a separate issue. I am just fixated on the number of food and drink images (always drinks in the pic no matter what else is there). Of course she does not know that he is doing this (she is sometimes in the pic – just a bit of hair or her back turned, nothing recognizable – that part bugs me, that she doesn’t know.)

    I am nine months NC with my narc now. I finally escaped last January – said no to him, that I did not want to be involved any longer – and turned the tables (long story but in the end I got him back for all of his lies and manipulations – landed figurative punch after punch). He then moved so we are in separate countries and I do not look at any of his or his family’s social media or Google him or anything like that. He still online creeps me and leaves little clues, but there has been no direct contact since early May of last year. I have recovered and moved on (but it was an affair – not a full blown relationship).

    1. Interesting. No I tend not to go to their blogs. Psychos come to mine and comment sometimes. I know how they work. I expect he does believe it will work this time. And that it was his exes fault it didn’t last time. Then he will start to pull her down then discard her. Well done for sticking with no contact. Am pleased to hear you have recovered and moved on.

  7. First of all, thank you for finally showing, even though it’s only in your title, that there is a difference in socios and pathos. So many times I cringe at things I’ve seen your ex has done knowing people think that of psychos as well. I’ve done similar, but it’s higher quality. Psychos plan out much better.

    Second of all, what a mess. He really truly was playing this hard and at every angle he could. I hope you returned that stupid ring.

  8. I think how many years pass,if you have left a Sociopath, they’ll always be something in your mind about your time with them.
    Firstly it’s trusting others and not analysing everything.
    Even 4 years on I still get flashbacks,but that’s normal I guess.
    I was often told by a few,to pull myself together 😡..and if the relationship was that bad,why did I stay for 14 years….Hmm😐…most of you will relate to that,as it’s never that simple!
    One thing that sticks in my mind,was I’d go back to the gutter if I dared to leave😡
    In the end,and I feel no emotion in saying this…Karma had its day 2 years later when he committed suicide 👍
    The reason…I fought for what was rightfully mine and never gave up,until I won….yes that’s Karma with a capital K !!

  9. I can sympathize sweetie I have been thru a sociopath relationship and narcissistic one as well. They are vultures to say the least I think you came out LIKE A BOSS! You handled it the best way possible with class and dignity. You are a survivor. Thank you for this inspiring blog. I know I’m not alone.
    Also I was hoping I could thank you for the exchange of blogs. I’m new at this so anything having too do with web site design, colors, ease of reading or writing technique and the emotions it makes you feel as a reader. Please also comment on my blog site.
    I’m all ready for advice! Thank you and I will do the same for you in return 👌
    My blog is
    Thank you again ✌️

  10. They have training with that. Mine forced me to buy him shoes ! He also stole knifes in my home. He asked me to buy him a coffee. But to everyone else outside he is very generous and pays for them and so on.He never paid for the food here.

    He is still living here. But I stopped buying groceries. He borrowed money from me at weekend, made money and again he did not give it back. He asked me when I would go to work again. I not working as long as he stays here, because then the saga continues….

    Yes, it is incredible how they practically force us to buy them things. But it is three years ago and really I would not do that anymore and after the shoe force buy, I never ever bought him anything like clothes or shoes anymore.

    I never became a gift or a card on my birthday. Not on valentines.

    Meanwhile I am getting very healthy. Had a found a natural cure against my Migrane and another one against my diviculitis. So I am feeling well and healthy. The rest will come …

    And that all will Never ever happen to me…but I was single parents and that is the one they melk or if you are in a devasting state like you with your grandmother.

    Sociopaths take advantage if you are in a very tragic or sad or devasting situation. If you have a car accident, they would steal your purse.

    I did not know that people like this exit. Huge learning thing and for my child either. Better now than later. Very costly though, but at least I was not married….

    1. Masters of Illusion , that’s them!
      After the initial love bombing,buying you everything and more,and being on their best behaviour,the rot sets in so gradually you don’t notice it.
      Yes,to the outside world they appear charming and others don’t see what you’re talking about.
      I endured 14 years,and it was either I left or go insane….I chose freedom and have never looked back.

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