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101 thoughts on “Contact”
You are doing the online world a massive favour with your insights into what it’s like to have a relationship with a sociopath. You are very kind to offer your support to those who have had their lives destroyed by such personality disordered people 🙂 I’m very much enjoying your blog!
I don’t know if this blog is still active but I’m looking for help. I feel like I’m going crazy and nobody understands what im going through. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years and within the last 4 years or so I’ve been emotionally traumatized by him but I can’t seem to leave. every time I try to stand up for myself and leave I start feeling like I’m abandoning him and that everything is my fault. Just recently he went into another rage with me, nothing I ever do is good enough. i can’t make him happy as hard as I try. he talks to countless women behind my back inappropriately, has contacted escort websites, has called me useless, told me I have no brain cells, and never once admitted to any of the things he’s done. every time I find out that he’s done something inappropriate behind my back and I confront him, he tells me that he purposely did it so that he could tell if I was checking up on him. and that he no longer trusts me in return. I don’t know what to do I cry every single day, he recently just went into a rage because he didn’t have enough clothes to wear for his trip( but I had been doing laundry all day) and poured water on me, threw my belongings across the room, and packed up all my things and had been ignoring all my attempts to try to make things right. I need advice I feel like I have nothing left of myself. please help 😦
Hi yes I am still around. Am settling into new work so not writing as much but I am still around.
Do you think he is a sociopath? Sociopaths follow a specific pattern of behaviour.
yes everything on this website is spot on with how he acts. I can almost predict what he’s going to do in certain situations. he goes into a huge rage whenever I try to confront him on the lies he’s made, and then somehow always turns it on me, and it’s so relentless that I start believing it. I know that he’s wrong, but he’s so manipulative that every time I try to leave I start thinking that it’s all my fault. he loves to be the centre of attention and everyone that meets him at first loves him. but he loses people as soon as he gets comfortable enough to show them how he really treats people. I think that’s why I’m so stuck, because it was so good in the beginning and I don’t know who this person is that I know today. he has no care or sympathy for anyone but himself.
Thank you for your comments. I do know some places for support. As I do know that those who have been involved with a sociopath are often left isolated. What has happened to them, does sound unbelievable. If anyone wants to email me, I can offer support, and give details of other places for support.
Ok you are so right my head hurts from all his lies and manipulation I’m trying so hard to walk in love! I brought him dinner last nite and walked away when he continued to lie! Somehow it’s my fault he needed me whatever I’m standing strong I will not except any more lies! I can’t even use the wifi in my home I’m using prepaid phones I have three lines yet I don’t even want to talk on the phone! Just venting . Thank God I’m gaining my self respect back! It’s a start! Much love for your articles and support my friend!
Ok, I am going to try to get this through to you. Maybe for you to understand in a DIFFERENT way. You are continuing to see him. What i want you to do, the next time that you see him, is to do this – I want you to be HIM. I know that you are going to feel bad about this. What i want you to do, is not tell him the truth, lie – no matter how hard this is – lie! …. Go to town, be as elaborate as you want. Say whatever you feel like. Yes, it is hard to do it at first, but just remember that he does this all of the time.
At this suggestion you might be horrified, but it is a useful exercise to do. What i want you to see (and you will see if you do this) is how real his connection is to YOU. This is an effective technique to get rid of a sociopath too, as they cannot manipulate you if you are not telling them the truth. Also, he won’t suspect that you are not being honest with him. So he won’t be looking out for this. He already knows how you hate liars, and how much his deceit hurts you. So this will be the last thing that he expects from you.
You see, he sees you as weak, and doesn’t have respect for you he knows that he can walk over you any time that he wants.
You might ask – ‘but why?’ why would I do this? …. there is a reason. I want you to FEEL how he feels…. by doing this it will open your eyes. I promise you. I did this a long time ago, at the time I was forced to do it. I didn’t know how I did it, what I realised once I started with him, is that actually when you are not being honest, there is NO connection between yourself and the other person. Furthermore neither is there any respect. You will find that while you are lying to him, you are not respecting him.
I think that this is a good exercise to see the reality of how he really thinks about you. Try to make up as much as you can. Whatever you feel like – just say whatever you want. Experience how it feels to be him. Oh and DON’T do this if he is the violent type. Never put yourself at risk.
I think that it is possibly the only way to know the truth!!
hi how do i share my story? id love to i need to…thank you sooo much
Hi Roe, at the top of the page, you will see a space to share your story. There are a few thousand comments there of people sharing their story.
Write your story Roe! I’m living proof that you can live through the most divesting pain a human being could withstand ! Truth and honesty are two of the kindness things we can offer one another! My heart bleeds for you.
my first and only love is a sociopath. I keep going back, because of lonliness,love and the fear of men. I lost my virginity to him. now after 8 years he has done the unthinkable. one day we were fucking, he had me tied up, blindfolded.. we were high, he let his friend hit me.. then lied about it. I have been molested before, byt someone who at the time I thought was my best friend. I am heart broken, i feel dirty and I just want to give up on life. He wont even admit the truth, let alone apologize. He says I am crazy, dead lay etc.
Britney, you are in a dangerous situation. You need to get away from him. I know that this is tough. Please can you contact a domestic abuse unit in your area, and please reach out for support. As this is going to get worse, not better.
I have emailed you directly a few times, the latest in response to your Facebook post about one to one support. I’m not sure if my emails are getting through, but I am looking for someone to help me, my sp husband left just over a year ago after 13 years and though I know it is good that the toxic is out of my life, I am struggling to embrace my new life without him and move on. I was hoping to find a therapist who had experience of sociopath destruction, but didn’t really know where to start. I wonder if you may be able to point me in the right direction, I live in Cheshire.
Thank you for all your work on here, you have been my life line in some really dire moments and most importantly, when I stumbled across your site, solved the puzzle of the complexities of my husband that I had been trying to fathom for years. Thank you doesn’t anywhere near begin to cover it x
I am so sorry Fiona. I hadn’t checked my mail. I will look and respond now. Thank you!
You’re wonderful. I’ve sent an email.
im asking a question here bc i cant seem to where im supposed to? i feel very confused and dont know what to think. im mixed between, he was just a drug addict which made him act sociopathic. or he was a sociopath and drug use is one of the signs.
I wouldn’t be able to diagnose ums. I can see why you are confused too. There are a lot of similar traits that drug users and sociopath’s share (I had worked for 27 years with homeless people. I was stunned by my sociopathic ex… absolutely he behaved very much like a long term drug addict….
Maybe that is the point…. conning is an addiction, lying is an addiction, Being deceptive, is an addiction. They follow repeat patterns of behaviour, just like an addict, and they make YOU the victim addicted to them by creating dependency. I can say for sure that the person i was with wasn’t a drug addict, but his behaviour was identical to a long term drug addict.
Sociopaths and Drug Addicts are very often interchangeable. Many sociopaths are addicts and many addicts are sociopaths. I just got out of a relationship with someone who has used a sobriety program as their place to gain approval, recognition, she has been able to manipulate the program and the people. This is my first real experience with dating someone completely devoid of feeling, responsibility, remorse and accountability.
I just wanted to share with you or anyone lookin, what happened to me. My hub was a drug addict and I thought the same as everyone, that he was just specially troubled and only i understood, But now I realize he is a sociopath and the no contact rule… iwish i would have followed…But I still have a hard time believing he wasnt real sincere when he tried to proof he was sorry. I have to believe that because of his patterns. He WAS A SOCIOPAth… i dont even know what that really means except crazy… well here is my story
2 years ago I met my husband. He seemed to be a rare catch, even though he disclosed he had a horrible past, he said it was years behind him. Little did I know that it was only a couple months. I married him and life was good for the first couple months. Then I became pregnant, and I thought life couldnt get more perfect. But it became more worse than i ever imagined life. And the abuse started, small at first and un noticable but became more severe as I progressed in my pregnancy. He became paranoid and controlling, obessive that I was hiding objects withing my body and he would try to claw them out of my skin. Jelousy, thinking I was flirting with boys to aged old men, even girls he thought I was interested. Until the worse, it climaxed, I was 8 months preg. and he began to drug my drinks. the violence began, he often threatend to cut his throat in front of me, and hardest of all the different perverse way of sexual abuse I had never known until then.
I never knew about drugs i didnt know what to look for or the obvious signs. I trustd my hub so much when I first got married that i never doubted him when things began to go crazy. So he played me like a fiddle over and over again. Lying, drugging around me and my fmaily, and even worse, after the baby was born, he did drugs next to the baby. As my eyes slowly began to open to the messed life I had put myself and my children in, I had to deal with intense feelings of betrayal and complete manipulation. I thought i had married my best friend and knight in armor when really I married a monster. I left afer that to my parents house for refuge, repeatedly. moved in and moved out, I thought he just needed “help”. But then I realizd he wasnt serious about help, he just wanted me around to make him feel good about what he was doing.
It took me 21 months to finally realize that he was truelly manipulative and didnt mean a thing. He was a talented liar and I finally decided to leave for good. Towards the end of my last months with him, he had escalated into violence, forcing me physcially to do things, pushing me around, and he suffered from extreme paranoia and phychosis. He tried to use my religious doctrine against me to force me to do his bidding. I retaliated, and fought back as much as I could, i thought i was making things work for our baby, but I wasnt. He used my name to get thousands of dollars in debt becuase his name was already ruined from fraud and cheating. He tried to make me believe I was the one delusional and that i was seeing things. At times he even drugged me to make me see things. All this happened while my baby was 3-12 months old. I didnt realize how horrible things were until my friends and more importantly my family could see what he was doing to us. I realized then, he wasnt trying to make the marriage work, they were lies and excuses to make me stay and believe, so I and finally escaped.
After I left, he immediatly flipped around and was the sweet loving man i first met, but I had finally learned my lesson, and I knew better now. After I filled divorce, he turned scary crazy by stalking, and sleeping with everyone he could to try to jelous me back. But I dont care anymore I just care about saving my daughter, what little left of her I have left. At times it seems her health is declining, just a month after I left she began to have numerous nose bleeds. She has heart and lung problems and know I realize I was infected with STD, and therefore contamenated my baby. I feel like a failure as a mom. I failed to protect my child and I can barely forgive myself to get by most days. I dont deserve my precious gift from God, but I sure am gonna do so now. Im trying everything in my power to prevent my ex from having the right to see her, but now I dont have enough proof to show he was abusive and is a threat. I feel so lost and hopeless. The collectors havent stopped every since I left my ex. With no car, and no money and no help to watch my baby whild I go to work, I can barely know which way to turn for help.
I struggle with chronic sciatic nerve pain and scoliosis since I was a child and even grew up in a wheelchair, but I am willing to sacrifice anything to keep my daughter alive, happy and eating, living well. Of course, my ex wont be helping at all. He had 4,000$ debt with his last kids child support. So here I am, a pitiful invalid mother, feeling sorry for herself, trying to get along. So that is where I am asking for help. And hope… that maybe Gods grace can shine through someone else. Im sorry for my pitiful story. I didnt mean to sound so depressed. Someday I will come out of this. I will grow, just like I have already grown and I will show people like my ex, that I cant be trampled on and won over just because of the evils and injustic of this world, but that I am strong, and from now on, I WILL stand for those that are weak. Just like I was. I am a unique and talented individual with gifts and love for others. I will overcome and come out of this alive,… and hopefully help others in return. That is my story. Thankyou, for everyone who has and will support me… I cant thank you enough..
Thank you, for reading my story…. I appreciate the time you’ve taken to hear it. May Gods Blessings be upon you and upon your posterity
Thank you for sharing your story, and welcome to the site.
I can hear the sadness in your comment as you have so bravely shared you story. This is NOT your fault. It is NOT your fault about your daughter. You were manipulated, lied and deceived. You thought you had met a nice man. You thought that you had married your best friend, and your soul mate. You were lied to, deceived and abused.
What is important is that you get the help to stop abusing yourself now. The first stage, is to realise that this was not your fault what happened to you. You sound like a good mother, not a bad one. You tried your best to provide what was right for your children. You left your relationship. even if he hadn’t drugged you, sociopaths are powerful, and can take over your life. They monitor you, every move you make every breath you take, just so that they have control over you. They do this as they often have little control over their own lives.
Do you know just how BRAVE you sound to me. You describe yourself as ‘pitiful’ you do not sound pitiful to me, you sound like a very very brave courageous lady. Although you had your own health issues, and were wheelchair bound, you gave your heart to someone. You tried to help him, despite he wasn’t helping you too much and was abusing you.
You ARE a unique and talented individual with gifts to offer.
Thank you for sharing your story, and thank you for joining the site. Just sharing your story, is a reflection of your strength and not your weakness. It is not what we go through in life that makes us, it is how we get away and rebuild from what has happened to us, that is a measure of the strength of us. To me, you sound like an incredibly brave lady.
Thank you so much for this blog! I can’t even explain – would take too long and you’ve already been there! Just got out of a relationship and this is so scary – to read of all of this as though someone else is telling my story. Luckily, I’m out of it before marriage and children, which is what he tried to sell me. As I type this, I’m in the middle of gathering the very last of his personal belongings to drop at his family’s home while he’s at work.
I know the days ahead of me will be full of challenges. But I’m hopeful that my friends and family (who have stuck by me this entire time) and my will to move on from this experience will push me forward. This is just another chapter in my life. One that I will grow and learn from.
I know that you’ve helped me tremendously and I am eternally grateful. I know you’ve already helped countless others…and there will be more to come. Sending you and all of your readers warm wishes for a life filled with happiness and healthy relationships!
Aw thank you!!! I am glad that what I write has helped you!! 🙂
Just adding to the gratitude…..this blog got me through the darkest stretches of the pain of withdrawal. After I had left him cold-turkey but just as I was wavering and thinking I just wasn’t strong enough to endure the pain and stick with it, I found your blog. Reading your truth and knowing it exactly mirrored my own truth felt amazing, and I will probably visit your blog every day to get a dose of that truth and remember what’s real. You’re a lifesaver!!! Thank you!
Thank you Julie 🙂 am going through a bit personally with a legal case right now, so not around as much. It means a lot to me that what I did build when things were better still helps people.
Hey, I’ve not been in a relationship with a sociopath, but I’ve found this blog really interesting. I would like to know what the difference is from the stare sociopaths do, and ones you get form normal men. (I know this might be a tedious topic but I’m curious xD thank-you!)
Hi Cheshire, nice to meet you. I am not sure what you mean?
Okay, sorry. I’ve got a lot of questions and I’m not quite sure how to explain this either but I’ll try my best~ What I mean is how are their stares different from a normal boyfriends. Like..do they lean back and appear to be studying you? Or would it seem normal,like they are “admiring your beauty” or something? and what does he read from you by looking at your body language?
I dont know the answer to that one cheshire. I am not sure I have looked at normal people and noticed a predatory stare?
I have seen that stare many times. But I was sitting at the kitchen table and he was sitting there as well, and his chair was back more and we were watching tv, when I turned around to look at him actually the stare looked like he was admireing me. Even when I used to brush my teeth he would stare but it was no xause for alarm. But certain times he would give me that predatory stare its almost as hes looking right through you.
I totally understand the stare. They are controlling men and the stare is always intense because they are intense!
Your site has saved my sanity and averted all the problems that insanity may bring. Please keep up posts. Thank you
I feel the same way, it is like the lifesaver trown into the sea as I was going under… I am eternally grateful
Totally agree and so grateful!!
Hi positivagirl I have a question for you.. I’ve always been interesting about humans behavior and when I first saw law and order and how sociopaths acts I was so Intrigued and at the same time fascinated ( not in a good way). So I’ve never thought i”d encounter a Sociopath in my life. Yesterday I found all a little thing he’s been doing to a friend and in my head it all started to make sense just like a dominos falling. after knowing all his done and telling friends and they agreeing with me I Still have doubts in my head I mean how’s it even possible? I must be crazy or paranoid to think that about somebody who is so nice to me and others. So I came across your Website and everything makes sense and checks. And my question is whenever you say “Their victims are their source of Supply” do you only mean about financial and material things? Because I can’t find why he would make my friend his victim then? and also I’d assume that there’s a lot of already powerful and wealthy sociopaths out there.
Thank you so much!
Hi Fabiana, I know your question wasn’t directed at me but I can say for certain it’s not just about money or material things, for mine it was sex.
Hi positive…I am not sure you received my question….I am new here to your blog and I hope you got it.
Hi I did, and now that you you have been approved you should be able to post comments 🙂
I dont think you did. I will try again. Everyone here has a story and obviuosly I have one too unfortuantely and I wanted to ask you a few questions. How do you know that the person you are dating is a sociopath even though they have a lot of the characteristics of one? Can’t that person simply be growing up into the adults that we all become? We all have made mistakes, hurt people, lied and possibly cheated…I of course do not want to even think for a minute that this person who I have loved for over a year could possibly be one. If they are indeed a sociopath, do they ever miss you? I mean they must at some point realize that they lost a good person in their life that loved them right? I guess I am trying to handle the intense pain of this…the feeling that I have lost him..someone who I did love purely and truly and loyaly. I have had suicidal thoughts and the insanity that has come over me because of what he said I meant to him and the love that I thought was real that he showed me is unbearable. I am Catholic so I would never actually take my own life, but the insomnia and crying and feelings of abandonment are horrible. Couldn’t this just be a person who got caught in bad behavior and not someone who cannot change into a better personl once they realize they lost you? Please get back to me soon. I have read every bit of your blog and your responses to other questions and I could really use some answers or insight myself as well. Thank you.
Sociopaths do shocking things. Sociopaths are very very normal to your face and on the surface. They are charming and charismatic. Lovely – normal, moralistic. Behind your back they are doing whatever they want whilst smiling to your face.
Hello- I am so glad to have found your blog! I was reading your “About Me” page and just felt compelled to contact you. I am currently experiencing a “breakup” with a sociopath. I am also a counselor, have been a mental health therapist working with children/adolescents for more than 20 years. The shame I feel right now for being so easily duped by this man is terrible. Friends warned me against having anything to do with him, they as much as told me he was a narcissist, but I thought that because I was a mental health professional I could “handle it”. The other part of the shame I feel right now is that I am a married woman, and have been married to a wonderful, sincere, loving, healthy partner for the last 17 years. Thankfully, my husband and I have a relationship of honesty and trust, and I have been able to tell him everything and he has been supportive of me throughout this ordeal. The thing was, it did not start out to be anything more than a friendship, as I met this sociopath through a costume hobby group I had organized. It is apparent to me now that he “researched” me, felt that I was an important person in this particular social scene, and set out to cultivate a “friendship” with me to gain entry into this social circle. He did this by using my weak points, my personal vanity and fear of losing my looks and attractiveness as I age (I am 56 years old). The relationship became very seductive very quickly, although there was never any sexual contact between us. He would call me on the phone to chat daily, would give me mad compliments on my appearance and dress whenever I would see him, and would say “I love you” to me at every opportunity. He always made it a practice to hug me and kiss me on the cheek in public whenever we met, as though we were the best of friends. I am ashamed to say that in my weakness I fell for his attentions, and felt very attractive and loved. And I began to fall in love with him. After three years of “friendship” he began to pull away, after he had wormed his way to a position of popularity in our social group. You can pretty much guess how that turned out, although to my knowledge he has not trashed my reputation, just pulled away and implied that I was “crazy” to ever think there was anything more than “friendship” going on with him, when I tried to express how much I felt for him and how much his actions hurt me. I instituted the “no contact” rule after he picked a fight with me on the phone in February (Valentine’s Day, of all things!). This was going well until I attended a local costuming convention in our town two weeks ago- I managed to avoid him most of the day, then he sought me out to initiate contact and asked very contritely if I would please talk to him. Then more hugging and kissing, I “friended” him on Facebook again, until I saw a post that he wrote to a mutual friend’s page, portraying himself to be such a kind, compassionate person who was “a sucker for a broken heart.” I am once again in “no contact”, but the wound which was beginning to heal has been opened again.
Sorry to go on so long- I am in personal therapy again, with a compassionate young woman who understands my pain, and I know it will get better with time. Finding your blog has been an immense help. thank you for sharing your experience, knowledge, and compassion with others.
Hi Mary Lou, thank you for sharing your story. I think it is quite common that those of us who work with it, think we can handle it or even fix it…. I know that I had worked 27 years with homeless people so a lot with mental health teams and am a trained counsellor. I thought this too. You start off the strong one, (as they play victim) and gradually they break you down. I am pleased that you have been able to be honest with your husband and have managed to keep your marriage intact.
The best thing is no contact, as any contact they will use simply to manipulate and then destroy you.
I am new on this blog and I can’t thank you enough for it. It’s helping me tremendously. I am still not out of the fog but I’m reading and educating myself as much as I can and thanks to websites like this I am now aware of what has happened to me. I know I still have a long way to go but I am determined not to look back this time and get myself out completely and regain my life.
I can’t post my story here as my P found me on another blog and of course accused me of lying and made himself look like the victim. I won’t go into any more details but I was wondering whether I would be able to contact you by email as I feel I need some support and advice at the moment.
Thanks again for all your hard work. It means a lot to people like me.
Welcome to the site Liz. It might take me a time to reply right now as it is Christmas. I am taking some time out over the Christmas period. If you send me an email, I will get back to you when I can. It might be a short time delay due to the time of the year. Merry Christmas 🙂
I’m new on this blog and I can completely understand what you are going through. I hope you are feeling better now. I am in a very similar position but unfortunately can’t post my story here. I would like some advice from you on how you are coping with the situation. Perhaps by email? I’m not sure if that’s possible.
I would appreciate any advice/tips on how to overcome this experience.
Hi and thank you so much for writing this blog. I have been caught up with a sociopath for a year and it has been hellish. Reading this has helped me to recognise exactly what I’m going through and deal with it better and recover from it faster. I’m not out of the woods yet, but can see the light at least! Besides accepting that this has happened to me your blog is also helping me acknowledge the reasons why and work on myself. Thanks again. Every word is a comfort. X
Welcome to the site Patz 🙂
Hi POSITIVAGIRL ,
Yes , I was wondering if you could send me the E-mail address from Judahbug to my E-mail address ? Thanks and greetings
I just want to know if being extremely grumpy is a usual reaction to leaving a sp? I was with mine for 12 years, left my children to be with him, had a child, he became physical and I didn’t press charges with the police because he would have lost his job and his home and I dreaded what he would have done. He worked his way through thousands from an accident award to me.
Thank you for such a fantastic site. It is so supportive and to read of such horrors is unbelievable. I just wondered if the angry stage is a passing one and what can I do to get through it. Any top tips would be good.
Anyway please keep on going with all your blogs they are life saving.
Hi breakfree. Yes anger is one of the stages of bereavement. When you have been with a con man – you have to go through the 5 stages of grief and the healing process… try this post it explains and shows that anger is a part of healing…. so keep going… it means you are healing. Let it all out…. try and be creative with it… music the arts, sports writing….. let it out get it out of your system. It doesn’t belong to you it belongs to him.
I hate the fact that I think of him everyday. It doesn’t help that we live in the same neighborhood. So my question is, am I obsessed with him??? I don’t think I’am in the pure sense. I miss the fake persona that he sold to me, that turned out to be nothing but lies and deception! Then he through me under the bus and did not understand why. It still hurts when will it be over??
I am sorry you ARE hurting Becky. You ask when it will be over… The answer is….. As soon as you let go.
This is the first site that actually deals with the problems..i have learned so much…Thank you.
Thank you Maz 🙂
😦 what happend to your forgiveness blog today? I thought I was positive and healing !
AH!!! Technical errors Amy.l wrote it, posted it and then re-read and realised that it was written really badly so pulled the plug and made it draft….
But for some reason I cannot get it back. it still says draft.
HOWEVER if you go to facebook page (the link is on the page) – you can get to it from that page? (I think) can you tell me if you can’t?
Thank you for this site – after coming out of an emotionally abusive five-year marriage with a textbook sociopath who repeatedly cheated throughout our courtship and marriage, producing two children (that I know of) outside of the marriage as well as my/our beautiful 8-month-old daughter (who he wanted me to terminate!!)… he has since moved onto this next ‘victim’ although she feels she is the cat that has got the cream and while he has duped her with the same lies and deceit that he told me, she still stays (more fool her – I have NOT tried to discourage her, I just want to get on with my life with my daughter)… This site is helping me. It’s actually scary how repetitive his behaviour. Due to me exposing some of his lies, he has since changed his number and is trying to do the Silent Treatment as described on your page. But I’m taking your advice and using this time to gain strength and thank God that I am no longer caught up in it all… Now just have to go through what I know will be a messy divorce where he will try to have some sick form of ‘control’ but I Will Rise!
Hi and welcome to the site. It sounds as though you have worked through many years of pain. What you will see is that only was his behaviour repetitive to you, it is repeated over and over by other sociopaths. Stay strong. It sounds to me as if you are gaining in strength and are ready for the battle ahead. Just remember never display emotions as this will be manipulated.
I have my moments – its all very fresh (we’re talking 2 weeks ago I found out he has a 2 year old and newborn baby from two different women)… but I know there is light at the end of the tunnel – I just need to aim there… tbh I very much doubt I will hear from him as that seems to be his pattern… make babies, suck you dry and move on to his next conquest… Another kid who will probably never know their dad (However toxic he is)
I’m not sure if I asked you already, but do you accept requests for book reviews?
What do you mean by book reviews? Do you mean for me to read a book that is written and write a review about it? Or do you mean something else?
Ah no, you describe it right, I provide an e-copy and you read and write it on your blog. I think it may be in your niche, the book is based on my story blog where the first 19 chapters are posted.
If you send it to email@example.com right now am trying to get my work into a book. (aragh its really hard) – so i might not have so much time to do it immediately, but if i can help I will try 🙂
ok sending the email now.
Or someone elses book review? i am confused by the question! 🙂 🙂
Please let us know when it’s released so we may support you in purchasing 🎉👏
Thanks I appreciate your support! The ebook is available for pre-order https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/369918 And I’ll let you know when the paperback is available.
Read the sample – loved it waiting to get preorder. Good luck!!
Thank you for support, NormalIsBoringSoIHeard!!
Thank you so much for your prompt reply. I understand you are busy at this time of year and don’t worry if you take your time in replying, I completely understand. Hope you have a great Xmas and a very Happy New year. Enjoy your break!
I found your blog through Pinterest. While the relationship ended only a short time ago, I even more recently found out that he had been under psychological supervision. That supervision led to the diagnosis of Antisocial Personality Disorder, or sociopathy. Something his family hid from me in order to rid themselves of him. Your blog is really insightful and I appreciate your posts in getting through. Like you’ve said, intuition and red flags plagued the relationship for a long time. Thank you for validating all my feelings. I will make it through this. Better than I was before. Stronger. I hope you do the same.
i try to remind myself that i was happy once, although i cant picture it or feel it now. im so disappointed in myself that i let someone do this to me. everyone thinks its so simple to get this out of your life, but when you allow someone to take away the things that made you confident, its so hard to get that back. this man took almost everything from me with a smile on his face. then convinced me i was crazy. when i was sleeping, he would move all my stuff around and and then when i couldnt find anything, convinced me that i was losing my mind and that i needed him around to function. he has stolen basically everything i had of value, most importantly my mind and confidence in myself. ive gone to the police, and they do nothing. i filled a police report and nothing ever happened, even though he has a criminal record. ive begged him to please leave me alone, that he should just be happy for what he has gotten and what he has already done to me, not understanding that what i say only makes him more driven to continue. i still cant understand that a human can exist that has no feelings of empathy and no emotions. he has now moved a block away from me with his girlfriend. im afraid to go outside. im on my third apartment in 9 months because he kept sending people to my door that i didnt know and that scared my neighbors. he did this everytime i told him to leave me alone. im afraid to try for a restraining order. if it doesnt get granted, i know it will make it worse for me. and im not convinced that it will be effective anyway. i always thought that if you had a good heart that in the end things will work out. i dont think i can believe that anymore. i know he is dangerous. i know he has drugged me. i went to the ER twice and begged them to do a tox screen on me. they wouldnt screen me for anything other than common street drugs. they would not test me for GHB..which is what i think he used on me. if i even try to explain this to anyone, they dismiss it as im out of my mind that someone is capable of the things i say hes done. and i know he knows that.. and always comes back as my savior. i know i wont ever will any battle about trying to get justice for what hes done. i do say it how it is to him and how i see through who he is.. but in the end i just get tired and defeated. and its easier for me to let him back in then be in fear of what he is going to do next. probably the thing that messes with me the most is how he lies so confidently and makes me feel like im crazy for even thinking hes lying. it is beyond anything i am capable of undetstanding. thanks for letting me share this.
Hi attie welcome to the site. He sure sounds like a sociopath. If you copy and paste this onto the tell your story section you would rececive a lot of support (more would see it) I know a lot of readers have that section with new posts sent to their email. I feel for you as I know how it can feel to have everything robbed from you. I wanted to send you a hug!! Nikki
Hi. Probably doesn’t matter, but just want to say, I think there are 2 bewildereds here.
I posted much earlier in January.
Just want to be clear so the bewildereds aren’t mixed up…
(Yet the name implies……..)
I did wonder. There is a bewildered who was posting here from earlier last year…. I did wonder why I had to let a post through but sometimes that happened. I had assumed that you were one and the same, or perhaps had left the relationship, then went back and left again….
There is a bewildered that was posting from earlier last year, so it might be an idea (as there are a lot of old posts) so perhaps modify your new name, so that there isn’t confusion, otherwise comments might get mixed up 🙂 (and when someone reads an old comment, might think it is you and vice versa) I think it happens a lot on this site, as people choose names that reflect how they are thinking!! 🙂
I am so happy and grateful to have found your website! Currently on day 3 of NC – this past 7 years, I have lost EVERYTHING – including nearly losing my beautiful 10 year old daughter. You are doing an AMAZING service. Thank you so much. Feeling stronger already!!
My husband was a sociopath. For years I thought I was some sort of disease, my mom always told me I was “sick” and see now how he honed in on that. One night after a lot of things happened, him cheating, me driving around with our daughter looking for him while he was on a drinking binge, a few loved ones dying, and him shooting my dog all at once I fell right into the trap. He always told me everything was my fault because I was too fat, then too thin, then I wasn’t fun enough. I got as thin as I could, my hair was falling out, but he had always told me he would take away my daughter if I left him so I had to keep him satisfied. I drank at our friends house and asked to sleep on the sofa so my daughter wouldn’t see me drunk like she did her daddy, my ex told me I was slut for this and when he took me home he pinned me down to the kitchen floor with his knees on my shoulders, sitting on my pelvis. He called my mom and told her I was crazy and out of control, I remember crying in the background, asking if he loved me, asking what I had to be to be enough. My mom told him to call 911. When the cops took me from the house I told them what was going on and they took me to the hospital instead of arresting me. Once I was sober the psychiatrist and psychologist came in and told me to quit drinking and leave me husband. So I got my self together, I quit drinking, I went to counseling. When the counselor said he was abusive he made me quit, so I went to anonymous support groups. After two years I was really ok with me, and when he started neglecting my daughter I had enough and I left him and filed for divorce.
What people need to get, and they don’t ever count on recovery is that the legal system dosen’t care. They made fun of me at our divorce hearing for going to therapy, and for having to take my daughter to therapy when case workers saw how she came back from visiting her dad with bruises on her face, and so filthy she got a urinary tract infection. After all the times during our seperation he would call my daughter drunk and hang up on her, all the visitation he missed or rescheduled only to show up hungover, all the times he screamed at me, and made me suck his dick when I didn’t want to, all the times he chased me around the car and tried to break in scaring my daughter so much she would throw up, none of it mattered.
During our hearing my lawyer just sat there, he didn’t show any of the evidence of my ex’s abuse, everything about my ex was blamed on me. He and his mom even got on the stand and said I heard voices, the first twenty minutes of our hearing he talked about my body.
It has been a year since the hearing and sometimes I want to peel off the skin where he held me down when he raped me. I lost custody of my daughter to him, he blamed me for everything he had ever done. I honestly believed if I showed I was a normal person, a good mother who deserved a quiet and safe life the courts would respect it. Instead he did such a good job lying the judge said we couldn’t meet at police stations any more, so his abuse and stalking just got worse and no one cared.
I lost everything I ever owned to him, then rebuilt it again but lost everything I owned again, and then a third time because he kept showing up every place I moved and raping me, or holding guns to my head.
The worst part is no one is left to help my daughter. He has isolated her from my entire family except my abusive mother who always only plays for the winning team. He made her stop going to therapy because her therapist was supposed to testify about my her trauma, but as I said, my lawyer just sat quietly the entire hearing. He never called any witnesses on my or my daughter’s behalf.
I am free now, but not really, because every second of every day, every nightmare, it’s his cage- the cage he always promised if I left him- he take away my right to love and protect my daughter. And I know deep down the kindness that made her so amazing is being taken out, piece by piece, and no one with the power to help us, to save her, no one cares. I wonder every day is this the day she plays with his guns? Is this the day she sees him rape someone else, or how many days does she have left before puberty when he starts to think her and her friends are sexy? What will it take for her to be free?
Hi Austin, thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story. Are you in therapy now, do you have support? I am pleased you found us.
Thank you so much for your blog, my ex was a drug addict and a sociopath. I am only coming to terms with the absolute hurricane of destructiveness he brought into my life. I have been close to mental breakdown after I finally got rid of him. I was left physically, emotionally, financially exhausted. But at least I have my life and my mind back. They are parasites that suck the life out of you. Will post my story soon. xx
Thank you ash. Welcome to the site 🙂
I have a question, does a sociopath realize that they are a sociopath?
Do they realize the damage they are doing to another person? I would appreciate any insight on that..
Hi mariagon. Am on my phone so can’t post a link but I have written an article on this try the search box top right hand corner. Welcome to the site 🙂
thank you so much for this site.. Your words helps me a lot.. Whenever I am down, I come here and keep reading.. I am finally out of the addiction.. I fell in love with a sociopath 4 years back.. inspite of so many red flags I ended up marrying him 2 years back.. I was so young and I didn’t know better.. I was manipulated, cheated on several times, abused emotionally.. I am an indian and he took me to another country after marriage .. He showed me dreams of a wonderful life abroad.. it was all outright lies.. I am an engineering graduate and had a wonderful job.. I left my job to be with him.. I ended up financially emotionally abused.. He just made me feel worthless in the past 2 years.. I am a very caring wonderful person.. I had so many friends.. Now I feel completely isolated.. The worst part is I cannot do anything without parents approval in my country.. Even after showing proof of cheating they don’t believe he is not person capable of changing.. I ran away from my husband.. I am trying to heal physically and mentally.. I just keep praying everyday.. Only god should help my parents realize what he is.. I am not in touch with him anymore.. he tried several times to shift the blame on me.. being away from him gave me a lot of clarity in thinking.. I am stripping his mask little by little.. Your article When No Contact is not possible helped me a lot.. I am not scared of him anymore.. I don’t miss him.. not even a little.. I am just happy away from him. I want to get divorced and move on.. Thank god I don’t have children.. I adore children.. But something was off right from the beginning.. Atleast I was smart enough to not have children.. I didn’t bring another life in the midst of all this stupidity..
Ho cheated welcome to the site:)
I’m sure he is watching us on your site he is watching my every move! You are right I have to disconnect from him he preys on my mercy and compassion how sad! With every lie I hear my inner self turns to ice just one step closer to I don’t know you! I do believe anyone can change through true repentance ! I planted the seed and fully understand I am nothing to him! Truth and integrity are who I am! There are no cards left to play ! Sorrow for every person who has been deceived in this way! Peace and love my friend!
I wanna tell my story just seems I can’t find where to? I’ll try again
Thank you all for sharing it helps slot to know I wasn’t alone… And we have to try And move on even after all the memories promises and there discard of us:(
Hi roe here https://datingasociopath.com/my-story-tell-your-story/ I need to update mine on there, there are over 3000 comments and stories on there
My ex is living with my daughter and newborn baby. He is a narcissist and sociopath to the tee. How do I avoid him now, when my daughter requires my help and support for her and her new baby who has health concerns after being born 15 weeks earlier. he uses the contact to create arguments and badgers me for information on our younger daughter who wants nothing to do with him? Help please
This is a difficult situation Sandra. What is your relationship like with your daughter? Yes he will goad and bait you, the best thing to do is give no emotional response. How does she get on with her father?
Thank you for your website, I dated a sociopath (99% sure) a few years ago and am still dealing with loss of other friendships, helps me to read all this stuff.
Thank you Mark, welcome to the site 🙂
Positiva- heartfelt cheers & blessings, and so much gratitude. Mask came off in year 2, things got worse over several more and the worse they got the harder I tried to fix everything. If I could just make him feel loved, everything would be daisies. Nope. Still struggling through cycles of nostalgia, regret, self-doubt, loneliness, hopelessness and shame (God, the shame). I keep telling myself it’s like stopping smoking. Gotta keep quitting. Keep starting over. And in Wendell Berry’s words “Do Not Be Ashamed”.
Did you return and the mask came off in year 2 or from scratch mask came off in year 2?
I’m pretty sure that I dated a sociopath. All of the signs were there except for one thing. I think he experienced remorse one night when he was obliteratedly drunk. I came over to his apartment after he called me. As he was vomiting, he turned to me and said he, “you are a beautiful girl and I am a piece of shit.” This is before I knew everything, the cheating, the lying, the manipulation, though I had seen signs of criminal behavior. Is that remorse? If so, is he a sociopath?
I have tryed to find this Q&A. on the net, with no luck. So my question is: how much details of the deciet they have done over years of time does the sosiopath recall? Do they put two an two together if a date in time and a specific act they did, since they lie so much it seems like they don’t remember from one day or hour to the next, since in a shorter span of time a lie changes. I have heard another person refer to an individual as dumb as a rock, does that mean they just realy are cluless, mostly becasue they don’t have time to think about anything outside of there life and are so focused on how great they are they could never imagine anything can catch up to them? How much details over many years are they rembering that 3 christmas ago they stole a peticual item and now someone is asking about that holiday specificly, and they remember on that holiday they did this kind of crime, or do all the years, dates, crimes all blend together. How in tune to the very, find details are they paying attention to?
The saddest part is Jamie, they can go into character so well, that they BECOME the lie. They believe the lies that they tell to be true. They convince themselves, so that they would not be caught out in the future. The lie becomes the truth. So no, they do not look back with regret as in their mind they are right and you are wrong. No, they are not clueless, disordered, but not clueless. Remember that they will do anything to protect the lie. Deflection, blame, moral outrage. Anything. As the lie is their friend, the mask that they hide behind. They become the lie. In terms of how in tune they are to fine details, with psychopathy it is about getting what they want. Presenting themselves in a chameleon way to get what they want. Visualise the lie, they are the lie, they become the lie, all of the deceit is the lie, and they can really convince themselves that you are wrong. I think they look back with different viewpoint, as they continue the lie to others, who support and believe the lie, so it continues. You know this when later they repeat back to you, something that they lied about to others about you – to you – and you KNOW it is a lie as you were there. When you pull them up on this, it is almost a startled response, as they move into different personas. I am unsure if this is making sense?
Can a sociopath be someone who doesn’t cheat? I’ve been dating him for almost 6 years in the beginning of our relationship I would catch him messaging others girls and what not but it stopped years ago after I finally left him for months. I went back but it seems as if this pattern of rage repeats itself over and over. To me it seems as if he will becom unhappy or upset about something. Then all his frustration and anger comes towards me. Like I’m not doing enough and then he belittles me and screams and it’s never been physical but very uncomfortable and scary. I ask for space at this time to leave me alone and he’s still invading my space and yelling. The other day we had an argument and it made me question if I’m the crazy one if I’m the messed up one and I just feel drained.