Tag Archives: heartbreak

Take off your rose coloured glasses, pull up a chair and lets talk!

If you have found my website and are reading, I am assuming that perhaps you are in pain. Either you are trying to understand what has happened to you, are feeling bad about yourself, and also a sense of sadness, that the perfection that was sold to you, was in fact a lie.

Is your heart hurting? Are you thinking about the good times? Are you reminiscing in your head, and thinking about what could have been?

If you are not, then perhaps this post is not for you.

If you are, then read on.

First of all, the first thing that I want to tell you is that the person that you are feeling sad over is about as real as….

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You know those thoughts that are going through your mind? You are doing a re-run in your head of the illusion that was sold to you. The lie. When you get the picture of him in your head. I want you to transfer this picture to this:

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No! I am not saying that YOU are a joke. You are the normal one here remember? In your mind you have the thoughts of:

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And…..

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These were the dreams that you were sold. These were the promises that you were given. It meant nothing.  But it isn’t you.

You are the one who was real. You are the one who gave everything, with all of your heart. You were the one who shared your life, your home, your finances. You were the one who was putting in real actions to fulfil your dreams.

But in reality – whilst you thought you were getting this:

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What you were actually getting was this:

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And this:

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And this:

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Oh, and if you are still stuck on the ‘flowers and heart stuff’…. lets not forget this too…

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Can you really forget those words that were said? The lies that were told to you? The control?

Remember also the …

The sociopath uses a number of tools to manipulate.
The sociopath uses a number of tools to manipulate.

Am I getting through to you yet? Or are you still stuck at ….???? This picture is the LIE!! This is what you were sold, this is the lie that you were sold…. and this picture in your head will hold you back!!

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If you are stuck with that picture in your head….. remember….

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Are you smiling yet? I hope so. This was the poem that helped me the most. I read this over and over. And it is really true.

Compulsive Liar

Everything that comes out your mouth is hot and black like treacle,
Never once have you said anything other than anything deceitful.
You’re poisonous and toxic, dangerous and deceptive,
Consuming all around you and so relentlessly receptive.
Swallowing each indiscretion and choking on your fumes,
While all around you are but pawns for your own use.
Stained with the vague idea that you are a ‘person’
In reality I watch as your psychosis gradually worsen.
The only thing I know for sure; your gender and your name,
Behind closed doors and cold surfaces I watch you shift the blame.
The feelings that you say you feel are all just a charade,
Never once have you been genuine, never let down your guard.
But I’m the one whose laughing now, I’m the one that’s real,
I have the ability to love and to care, the ability to feel.
You’ll never be more than a shadow, a watery reflection in the mirror,
And by default I am everything you’re not; I’ll always be the winner.

Lucy Godden :
This is the reality. Everything else is a lie. If you are hurting now, and thoughts are going through your head of roses and flowers. I want you to remember the truth in your mind. If the positive thoughts come in to bring you pain. Swap that thought with Ronald Mcdonald and laugh.
It might not seem funny what you have been through. But later in your life’s journey you will see the point, and see the purpose. One day you will look back and be thankful for the wisdom that you have gained. If, in your mind, you go back to the hearts and flowers, the hurt and  the pain. Remember just how much did this person cost you?
Realistically this person was a parasite. Who lived off you, fed off you, took all that they could. The reason it is over? Is because you grew STRONG!!!
There will be the
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And there might be…..
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As you look at the past.
It is now time to do:
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You need to focus on YOU….. to focus on …..
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Stop being …..
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And accept the harsh reality that there is …..
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When you do this…. there will be….. recovery…..
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This post was written, from my heart. This blog was written from the time I started it. With the sociopath still in my life. Every single post was written as a trigger to a thought, whilst he was in my life. And every photo is a photo that is on this blog, in a post. Somewhere. Where somewhere he reminded me of something and I posted it to you.
I hope that what I have written in my blog has helped you. I hope that me, being right there, with a sociopath, writing as it happens, has helped you, to clarify some confusion, about the sociopath.
If you ever wondered – how do you write so accurately, exactly as it is? How it feels…. this is why….. because, until today he was still in my life. And I was writing as I observed the behaviour.
Now…. we have parted company. so, if I write, it will be retrospectively. I have learned a lot. All that he taught me. I hope that I have helped somebody to understand the insanity that is really true, when you date a sociopath!!! 🙂
To my pikey friend….. thank you, for all that you taught me. But most importantly, for all that you healed me. A charismatic sociopath, can help to heal PTSD. Because they mirror. Nothing is real, but for someone stuck in trauma, that doesn’t matter. 18 months of EMDR did not pull me out, I was stuck with my brain frozen in shock.
I will miss you…… I just wish you were real…. but as I know you are not, I will always have to think…..
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