Ugh. Sorry. My relationship wasn’t that long and I didn’t see him in person for the last few months but still he managed to do a number on me. Seeing him on the dating site was quite the shock because his pictures were new and he was “staring” right at me. I know he set it up that way. Very adept at the virtual stuff, which is strange for someone who otherwise has a very light internet footprint. But people have different ways of being “present.” I am totally sympathetic to your struggle.
I think that’s why he keeps coming back to me… I give him lots of attention, affection and adoration. I believe that when he’s not getting that from others he comes back to me. This is all so heartbreaking because I know he won’t ever change but I love him very much… I think I always will. For my own sanity and well being I have to cut all ties completely.
Yup. You are fueling his supply. That’s all. It wouldn’t make a difference if you hated him and yelled at him, etc. That would also fuel his supply. The only response is no response. It helps me that I am also a bit of a narcissist (in a healthier way, of course). I WANT the attention. Ha. It also helps that I went through something similar ages ago. That guy ended up in jail for a few years (nothing to do with me – I am pretty chill and not vengeful at all) right after I warned him that he’d better stop messing with people’s heads. Vaknim also spent time in jail. I know I am right about this and I know that these types are sad and empty. They are playing with fire. Don’t be a victim. It is fine to love him and let go. I told mine that no matter what happened I would always have a place in my heart for him because he came along at a time when I needed someone just like him. He didn’t go into full narc mode until I left the country. I think it destabilized him, though he would never admit it. I am in control of my destiny and so are you.
No one matters that much to him. It’s not you. It’s him. I know it’s hard to accept that you don’t matter but it’s easier if you realize that no one matters. He’s not replacing you with someone “better.” It’s his loss. Not yours.
Thank you for that…. I’ve always felt like it was just me. Like he treated the others better. I know that I’m not losing anything ( him ). It’s just hard losing someone that you desperately loved. I’ll be ok soon. Thank you so much for your advice and understanding. This is the hardest thing to do!!
Not true. I heard from my ex last week. Another relationship came to an end. She ended up in therapy. Her family asked him to leave. Only illusion he treats someone else better. He cant change. Sadly.
Thank you for that, positivagirl. It’s all an illusion. Smoke and mirrors. He wants you to think you’re not good enough to keep you hooked and trying. He’s always just out of reach. Who knows why they do it. Huge waste of energy and impossible for us more normal people to understand.
They do it, because they can. To play the game. They are empty inside, this is entertainment to them. Other peoples lives and the energy and emotions they get from them, is entertainment for them. If they can waste your life, all the better. This makes them feel even more powerful, and in control.
Positivagirl, you have explained this to us several times. I believe you!! It’s just something I couldn’t imagine. When I’m with him, when he goes back to the person I fell in love with he seems so loving and normal… I’m going to do myself a favor and not see him again… that’s where I get into trouble, He’s very attractive, sexy and knows how to play me.
Cindyt there is a post here where someones ex traced her online. She posted an update comment yesterday i pinned it on the facebook page. Please read it. Going back will just bring more damage and drama back into your life.
Funny but I almost don’t even remember the several months of my life that he wasted. It was almost as if I was a different person existing in a different dimension.
Valerie…. I’ll never forget those months… they were almost magical!!! But seeing the person he is now it’s obvious that the person I fell in love with was a fake.
I know I’m good enough ( actually too good for him) but he treats me as if HE thinks I’m not good enough for him. He plays all kinds of games with my head…. on New News day he told me ( for the first time ) that he loved me. On January 18th he text me and said we should sit down and talk and asked me when was a good time to talk. I told him anytime was good… I didn’t hear from him for about a week. I’m so tired but obviously I have some issues of my own to work out. I have to remember my worth and that I deserve better.
I remember only the good bits – the first few months. Very weird. Especially because during the final months I was in a different country. How could I not remember when it was all so stressful? Guess those are my natural defenses. I willfully put it out of my head!! Glad I am able to do that. And now I don’t even dwell on the good bits.
Positivagirl, mine also traced me online (don’t know if you read my whole story). I left the conversation (didn’t realize it was him at first) and then deactivated my account. I’ll check out the Facebook post.
Yes, Cindy, you have to remember your own worth. Doesn’t matter if he wants to talk or even if he tells you he loves you. It’s all a hook as you must have realized when he went silent for a week. He wanted supply from you. NC is not only about not seeing him. It is also about not engaging with him in any way, shape or form.
@Positivagirl… oh believe me I know that all too well!!! I’ve been on this site almost a year now AND I’ve gone back several times since then!! I tell myself that it’s just sex and I won’t get sucked back in…. but I DO EVERY TIME!!! He’s not stalking me, he doesn’t have to. I make it too easy for him. I’m considering going back to therapy… I had gotten so much stronger in my resolve to move on from him. If I don’t reply believe me he will move on. I was never that important to him. I live alone and I’m pretty much a loner… so I get lonely a lot and he fills a void. I have decided that being lonely is better than being hurt by this guy!!! He comes back, he apologizes, we communicate daily for a while, we have sex then I don’t see him again for weeks or a month. He tells me that he’s working. This really has to stop!!
Valerie… I’ve been on this site for almost a year…. I know all of what you stated. The brain can register a lot, but the heart takes over and wreaks havoc!!! If I’m to be totally healthy and happy again I HAVE to not have any contact with him!!! I’m powerless when he’s around!! One thing I’m clear of is that in my particular situation I AM IN CONTROL!!! I’m certain that if I don’t pursue or reply to his random text or email he will NOT pursue me!! I was never that important to him. It’s hard for me to move on from any relationship ( I truly do cherish people) but this one is the worst!!! Back to therapy I go!!!
I live alone too but I have a child (grown now) and just got out of a bad marriage. I really never want to be in a relationship again, much less married. My narc would have been perfect had he not been psycho 😉 because I only wanted a respectful casual relationship. My life is good and I am sure yours is too. You just need to find something that absorbs your attention. I suggested that you go on a few dates. You might be surprised at how easy it is to turn your attention to someone or something else. I’m not kidding myself here – I know that if mine ended up on my doorstep (something I do fear), I would probably take him back. Luckily, he has no time to stalk me other than online and I’ve been dating other people.
Hi joe just write it on share your story page top of the page.
I too left a bad marriage and this guy seemed just perfect for me as well!! I fell head over heels quickly!!! I’m not open to meeting ” strangers ” and dating. I normally have to meet ( date ) people through someone or a situation. I had known my sociopath through work (casually) for 8 months before he made his move… I liked him and thought he was cute. I also talked to other people who had known him ( through work) for years. People are crazy out here now days and I will not end up on a Dateline story!! Yes, this guy has hurt me emotionally but random people will physically attack or kill you. I will be alone until I meet someone through someone or a situation that I’m acquainted with. I plan on working out and sociolizing with girlfriends who are also having men troubles. I just pray that I can put him behind me quickly.
Ugh I’ve been missing him intensely these past few hours. No idea why. Glad I can come here to post. I never knew anyone that knew mine though we belong to one of the same circles and I do know who all of his family members are, some of whom know some people I know. But all too far removed. I often wished I knew someone who knew him but I guess it wouldn’t have made much difference. Maybe a “stranger” is a better bet? 😉
And I reactivated my online dating account. At first he wasn’t on the list of people I’d interacted with so I relaxed because I figured he was gone. But when I logged in a few hours later, he was back on my list. Why do I get the feeling that he is intently focused on me? He waits for me to reactivate and then he reactivates? This is difficult because I’ve often used this site. I even met my ex husband on there (we were together for 7 years). I don’t like the other sites and don’t want to be forced out just because psycho is there and I made the mistake of responding to him once because I didn’t know it was him. If I block him I’ll have to go directly to his profile and he’ll see that I’ve been there. I guess I just have to ignore him. Challenging.
It’s probably because we’ve been talking about him ( them ) and it brought up memories. I’m glad I got to know him somewhat at work before embarking on a romantic/intimate relationship. Although no one at work knew him the way I got to know him. They were shocked to find out what kind of person he is. He was forced to resign in September 2015 for falsifying government documents, so I don’t have to see him at work. Everyone thought he was this great guy ( that’s what he wanted them to see). He had worked for the agency for 9 years…. it took me about a year to expose him. Lol!! I’m doing ok today… of course I’ve thought about him several times. The key is to keep busy!!! It seems that I will NEVER shake this guy!!!
Yes, just ignore him. See…. this is where my guy is different- he doesn’t stalk me like that. This is going to sound crazy but it’s like I’m not even worth that. He disappears without any contact ( not even a reply to my many texts/emails) them one day he pops up out of the blue without any explanation. It’s like he just know that I will always be here. I’m praying to God to take all desire of him away!!! I think you will be ok. I’ve been trying to let go for over a year now!!!
He might be stalking you somehow – you’re just not onto him yet. Or he waits until you’ve texted or emailed a certain number of times. Perhaps there is a pattern. Pretty sure mine would respond if I contacted him but I haven’t initiated contact except for maybe once in about 6 months now. Can’t believe yours falsified documents. Like the jail thing I mentioned. They dig their own graves. We just cannot let them take us down too! LOL! I do think there must be something about us that allows for this sort of thing to happen. For instance, I probably have borderline personality disorder or something. Hard time regulating emotions. Someone comes along who is very steady and cool, and I cling to him like a life raft!
I had a friend visiting until yesterday and I think talking to her about it didn’t help either. But not talking about it or talking about it doesn’t seem to make much difference. It never goes away.
I think you’re right about the waiting until I text/email a certain number of times. Yes, he had a very important position in the federal government and he wanted to leave early and didn’t perform this last duty of the day, so when he came back to work the next morning he lied on the log that he did the security check. His Supervisors were already trying to get rid of him, so they pulled the electronic record for that day and it showed that he was never in that room. I agree with you that there is something in our personalities that attract people like that…. I had been in a bad marriage for a long time and had been separated for about a year when I started with him. Like you said I thought he was just perfect and clung onto him like a lifeline!!! I had never fallen for anyone so fast and so hard EVER!!! I think I too may have borderline personality disorder: I have a hard time controlling my emotions when I’m angry or hurt and will lash out at the person who’s hurt me. He has paid dearly for most of the hurt he’s caused me. Of course my punishment was the silent treatment for weeks. A therapist told me that although he claims he will not tolerate me going off on him that secretly he’s probably excited by my actions. The therapist thinks that’s why he’s been around so long…. they usually get bored and move on BUT he always come back because my actions excite him. I’m tired of ranting and doing and saying things to hurt him ( if that’s possible). I just want to be done with it all until I meet a nice normal guy.
I disagree… it’s better to talk about this with people who care and support you. I’ve found that most don’t understand why we can’t just get over it BUT I’m fortunate enough to have 2 good friends ( who knew him from work) and who were around when this ALL played out. They saw the devastation that it did to me!! They didn’t believe or get the whole SOCIOPATH thing at first, I gave them articles to read and they recognized that he had those traits. It also helped that I exposed that he had lied to them years before I was even on the scene. They literally helped to save my sanity and life and I still talk to them when he hurts me AGAIN. They don’t judge, they talk me thru it until I’m ok again. Hang in there Val… you’re doing great!!!
I had only been separated for three months when I took up with mine. I thought I was ready to date a bit and have some fun. That’s all I really wanted! Sheesh. When I met him I already had plans to be away for five months and I didn’t tell him right away. Then I left. He never made a stink about it. Just “followed” me there and kept me on the hook the whole time I was away. They are never ever defeated…I think he’s a bit jealous of my lifestyle, to be honest. He has material things but I have freedom.
And yes I believe that every time I got upset (I went off on him about four times) it excited him more! Another reason why NC is best.
I meant bringing it up with my friend just made me think about it – not that she didn’t get it. But few people understand this sort of thing. Those without our personality traits can’t understand how we could possibly get into these situations and not be able to get out of them! Ha!
Yep… true. I explain to them that a relationship and breakup with a sociopath is not a normal relationship/breakup. There is usually no closure, just discard and ignoring. Your stunned because this person once seemed so caring and you truly loved them… then one day the are just GONE!!! I’m my case it helps to talk about it because it helps me to remember how bad he makes me feel. Because I still work at the agency that we met I will always be reminded of him. But then again almost EVERYTHING reminds me of him. I really hope he’s done with me or I’m strong enough to ignore when he decides to contact me.
I have to chime in to your post. When discussing a relationship with others about a psycho/sociopath the understanding is like asking a baby to spell a word. If they have never experienced it they will never understand. To them they think “o” just another bad guy, well it’s so very far from that and i speak from experience. It hurtful, embarrassing, humiliating, and any other word when one has beat you down mentally. As the tears fill your eyes they are off painting the same picture that they once painted for you. Through all of my information seeking every story of one that has experienced it seems all the same. Please understand this is a hell you would never want to live. Once they’ve taken everything you have to offer and what’s been manipulated from you they move on so carefreely to the next willing (what you see is not what you get) victim. At first you are willing then the torture begins. I have broken sobriety a number of times and it doesn’t get better. They prey on us thinking that which gives them even more power.
Everyone’s telling me that mine is obsessed with me and I’m like, but, HE DISCARDED ME. It makes no sense. Though maybe he wasn’t quite done with me. So yeah, normal rules do not apply. When I dump someone they are dumped. I don’t stalk them. I don’t reappear suddenly. I don’t care what they do. I hope I’m strong enough too if he ever decides to contact me again.
Awwww Chocolate… I’m so sorry about you breaking sobriety. Yes, most people just don’t understand… that’s why it’s good that we have sites like this to come to. Yes, we all basically have the same stories and yes it hurts when they just pick up and move to the next. As much as it hurts when they discard and disappear, it’s hurts more when they keep coming back… it’s like slowly taking off a band aid. God willing we will all overcome this.
Thanks for the encouraging words, I am well aware of what’s happening each time but the strength to walk away and stay is the most difficult. It’s making yourself believe that this is real. It was even hard for me to understand when the switch first happened which was after about the first 4 months into the relationship. I thought i was losing my mind silent treatment for days on end. It seemed so real at first and I have always been known as strong female, when i say he gave me a punishment that i would think would only be found in hell. The deliberate mistreatment, harsh words, and anything else you can imagine. O but when I did a little research it became hell for us both. He was very intimidated by what everyone saw as strength in me and i learned what he claimed to admire he was seeking to destroy. He gave me a shift but i still managed to remain standing. I left him he set the stage and within i’ll say 30 days he was posting pictures of him and his new love. Lol what a joke and what i never did was search to see what he was up to for some reason there will always be someone out there seeming to me waiting to leak that damning information. Well it’s nice to vent, share, and listen to try to be supportive of others who have been in this o so familiar situation. I wouldn’t wish it on my worse enemy.
I’m sorry too Chocolate. I find myself telling people – he’s like X character in a film or TV show to try to make them understand. I can predict what’s going to happen next because I’ve experienced it now! That sort of thing. The slowly taking off a band aid analogy is true. Or like a cat and mouse game. They are always trying to outwit us because they think we are trying to outwit them, when what we really want is to move on. To them “leave me alone” is a challenge.
Girl yes!! When the discard first happened I was devastated!!! And the subsequent discards, silent treatments really hurt mostly because I thought I would never see him again. Now, it’s like ok how long this time? Lol!!! He’s predictable. Hopefully one day the source of supply is so good that he completely forgets about me. I always speculate that once the supply runs out he comes back to me. I’ve even til him that, he denies it of course. Chocolate, please go to a meeting, call a sponsor or whatever you have to do to get back on the wagon. They are not worth it!!! I’ve gained 30 lbs since last year ( emotional eating, not motivated to exercise). I’m eating healthy and will go back to the gym tonight. I refuse to let him do that to me!! I’m a beautiful woman who’s always taken pride in my appearance. I’m going back to putting me first and loving me!!
I fell of by communicating again after a number of ignored text and calls. My response was have you received professional help and his response was why couldn’t i have just stayed it doesn’t matter how he gave me the silent treatment since i don’t listen to anything he says anyway. Our whole relationship once the honeymoon was over was about him asserting power over me which never ends well. I was never bullied into a corner enough that i went along with all of his absurdities and dysfunctional way of thinking. It was always fair hell. This is a 50 year old man who will give me the silent treatment if i refuse to taste a dish he clearly knows i don’t like. I will get the silent treatment if i don’t cheer for a team he likes and i don’t like. It’s like give up your autonomy in order to have something that is clearly toxic but by the time you know what hit you it’s only time to seek a way to recover.
You are a human being with feelings. Not a robot or a puppet.
I became so convinced I wouldn’t see him again on so many occasions that I got used to it and dumped him once for it last spring. I actually haven’t seen him for six months now except for the front facing close up photo he was using when he contacted me on the dating site a few weeks ago. He’s changed it to a distant picture of somewhere on a beach, I’m sure because he knows I took screen shots the last time around.
I lost weight and managed to keep it off (so far). I do the opposite when upset – I don’t eat!
I wish I was like that!! Lol!! I think if I don’t reach out to him he may just be gone for good this time. As long as I chase him he eventually return… even if it’s just texting and email. I’ve had a good couple of days and I’m feeling stronger. Although I miss him, it’s my hope that he stay away and allow me to fully get over him. I can see happiness in my future.
Glad you can see happiness in your future! It’s out there! You know you shouldn’t chase him, right? That’s why you’re not getting past it. Though of course it was easier for me because we were in different countries from August-December, so there was no point in me chasing him or even reaching out to him.
Hi Ladies,
I’ve been following your posts for a little. I had shared my story too a few weeks ago.
It definitely helps to share experiences and read from others that they have went through the same things.
I myself lost weight from emotional stress with my ex narc. Funny thing is he loves me being curvier and having a bigger butt. So he sort of hurt himself by “torturing” me.
I was so hurt so many times. Every time he threatened to break up with me or gave me the silent treatment. I was so scared to lose him. And now that I broke up and we had several fights after that still and he still keeps coming back every time, I almost have to laugh, because he’s so predictable, like you said Cindy! It’s crazy how his abnormal behavior is so much more obvious to me now than before. I can spot it immediately now, when before I always thought everything was my fault and I tried to fix something I couldn’t fix.
So even though I’m still talking and sometimes see my narc, which I do want to stop, I feel strangely liberated by knowing that he’s the one that’s not normal, not me. I’m not desperate anymore to be with him and I’m talking to other people. I hope that you can feel the same way, that even if you might have not cut them off all the way, that at least you’re not addicted in the same way as before. I think once you see through them, it’s a little bit easier. So if I had one Tipp, I guess it would be to try to laugh at them and at their actions everytime you see what’s actually going on. Humor helps 😉
Thanks for sharing your stories!!
KindSpirit, I agree that once you see through them they lose their power, though I still do not dare to be in contact with my narc. By the time I do dare, I won’t care anymore. And yes, humor does help! So does pity!
I totally understand.
I’m trying to get away from my ex too and break all contact. Something was in the way until now and now that that problem is out of the way there’s no more reason for me to be nice or see him. Part of me just wants to get attention and love and knows that he can temporarily give that to me. He still has some power over me and while I can see the humor in it, he also still makes me feel guilty. He also still manages to make me feel bad, even though I KNOW he’s all bs and sick in a way. The power of conditioning I guess. Thank god for YouTube videos and a forum like this! Good to know this is real and not just some form of paranoia I might have. I wish you ladies all the best! ❤
Still struggling with my feelings… I know I deserve better but I miss him. I’m trying to stay busy. Why can’t I put this man behind me?!! I almost hate myself for not being able to move on yet!!
I feel you! Same here. I miss him the way I thought he was and the good times, after which he always dropped me again. He just knows how to make me feel really good. At the same time he can do the very opposite to me.
I’m a singer and songwriter so I want to write everything down and process it that way. I’m also thinking about starting to write a novel and share my crazy experiences. Cindyt maybe you can also find some creative output, it won’t always work, but it definitely helps.
As a matter of fact we should all write down our craziest experiences with our narcs, publish it and help others with it to recognize what’s going on. 😉 And if anybody here wants to exchange contact information to help each other through the tough times I’d be happy to do that too!
KindSpirit…. you are absolutely correct and those are great ideas!!! I’ve said that I’m going to write my novel about my experiences with my Sociopath. I will get serious and do it… I’ve written them in my journal for over a year now. I wish I could meet someone else to date, but I’m extremely picky and don’t let a lot of people ( especially men) in my life.
Me too! And I’m just very slow with it and convincing myself that I can actually do it. But at least I started. 😉
And that’s awesome! You should! I also wanna use all the texts from him that I still have and pick the most controversial ones to include them in the story. They took so much from us, why shouldn’t we make something great out of it and win in the end?
I completely understand. I’m the same way. I was fascinated by how my ex captivated me even though I am so picky. And now I am on tinder and planning to meet some guys but very hesitant. And when it comes to meeting my narc I go along with that sometimes because it’s familiar and I know him. How stupid… But don’t pressure yourself! I think we might be better off alone as long as we haven’t mastered being happy while being alone. Or otherwise the story will just repeat.
At the right time the right people will come into our lives I’m sure. And that’s easy said, but let’s pour our hearts and old feelings into some sort of art. 😉 maybe we can keep each other motivated 😛
I too thought of writing a short story! Hey we all had weird experiences. Like being in a different dimension of life. Makes perfect sense.
I almost wrote an I miss you email yesterday then I changed it to something funny in reference to discussions we’d had in the past, and then I didn’t send it at all. Yay me!
I have a tentative date on Saturday with someone I am very interested in. I am trying not to get my hopes up but I have a good feeling about this guy and trying to trust my gut and not be paranoid – get back to who I once was. Almost there…
That sounds like a plan!! Yes, I too allow sociopath to come back because at least I’m familiar and comfortable with him ( a girl has needs too 😉) although I realize I’m not doing myself any good by keep going back. I actually told him last Spring that I was going to write a book about my experiences with him…. in true narcissistic form he said ” just make sure I get my cut”. Wow!!! It’s Valentines Day and although there are 2 men who are pursuing who’ve already wished me a Happy Valentines Day ( before 6am) I only want to hear from him!!! One is an ex-boyfriend that I completely cut off when I fell in love with sociopath, the other is a new guy that I haven’t went out with yet. I’m thinking about going to dinner with him in hopes of moving away from sociopath. I don’t think he’s for me but seems like we could have a friendship. There are no butterflies… to this day ( 2 years later) sociopath still gives me butterflies. This is what the do to us and why it’s so hard to let them go. For me it takes a special person to give me butterflies. This is so hard!!
Hey Val… that’s good news!! I’m so proud of you. I wish I could tell you that I’ve been that strong. 😔. I’ve been talking to a guy that I know through a friend…. he seems nice but there is no physical attraction there. I may go to dinner with him. I’m thinking we may be friends. The conversation are good and interesting. No butterflies like with my sociopath.
I went out on two dates with someone in whom I had little interest. It was fine. He was a nice guy. Allowed me to “practice” and to think about what I really wanted. I think you should do it. Baby steps.
There appears to be great rapport between me and the guy I hope to see on Saturday but I haven’t met him yet face to face so no idea if the butterflies will be there. But maybe! The thing is, you have to give yourself a chance to disconnect from the sociopath. If you are still in touch with him your brain will never calm down and therefore never tick up again, except with him…
I know… I’m trying. I will meet the guy for a date but I already know that there’s no chemistry there. Not that I’m not open and hopeful that someone will come along and give me butterflies. I’m one of those girls who has to have that in a relationship or there’s no sense in seeing that person. I would rather be alone that to date just to date. I’m not bragging but I’m very attractive and men hit on me daily, no one has interests me. I’ll be patient, he’s out there. I agree… baby steps. I hope your date is all that you want it to be. Please come back and share how it went. I’ll do the same.
I know it’s hard to spend time with someone you’re not attracted to but the more men who hit on you the better. That is the “sense” in seeing someone you’re not attracted to in this particular situation (though don’t lead them on – would be mean). I’m always getting hit on as well. I think narcs look for women like us (probably all of the women on this site). It’s a challenge for them to take ownership of an attractive woman. Remember that for them it is all about supply, which reflects on them – which is about them. They are insecure. The more physically attractive, intelligent and “un-gettable” the woman, the more it builds them up. That’s all it is. Why do you think movie stars, models, singers and all sorts of glamorous, gorgeous, talented, self-sufficient women end up in these kinds of relationships?
That’s so true. The two I’ve ended up with found (or married) the most beautiful women. Everyone wonders what is SHE doing with HIM? The shes (in this case) had the job, their act together, looked great, were responsible, trusting, led by their values, etc. He just legitimizes himself from the womens’ credibility. She’s educated, she pays the bills, she looks trustworthy–why could she marry a con man?
It’s like another “cover” for him. Yet, even women who seem to have it all together (no matter what she looks like) can have a big, emotional hole inside and these guys go after that to get in. They fill the holes and then, when the person feels really good-happy with the situation, they use different manipulation techniques to tear it all down–cheating, stealing, lying more, disappearing, etc.
Arghhh. I need someone to stop me from sending him the email I wanted to send him yesterday. I can barely contain myself and I know he would find it hysterically funny (well, as far as he is able to – he was often shocked at what I was capable of joking about). I’ve written the email and left it in drafts….stop me….
Dating a Sociopath 
I’ve been trying to get there for a YEAR!!!
Ugh. Sorry. My relationship wasn’t that long and I didn’t see him in person for the last few months but still he managed to do a number on me. Seeing him on the dating site was quite the shock because his pictures were new and he was “staring” right at me. I know he set it up that way. Very adept at the virtual stuff, which is strange for someone who otherwise has a very light internet footprint. But people have different ways of being “present.” I am totally sympathetic to your struggle.
These videos by Sam Vaknim are very enlightening.
Yes! Amazing stuff. Made me realize that ANY sort of attention simply fuels the narc, which is why NC is so crucial.
I think that’s why he keeps coming back to me… I give him lots of attention, affection and adoration. I believe that when he’s not getting that from others he comes back to me. This is all so heartbreaking because I know he won’t ever change but I love him very much… I think I always will. For my own sanity and well being I have to cut all ties completely.
Yup. You are fueling his supply. That’s all. It wouldn’t make a difference if you hated him and yelled at him, etc. That would also fuel his supply. The only response is no response. It helps me that I am also a bit of a narcissist (in a healthier way, of course). I WANT the attention. Ha. It also helps that I went through something similar ages ago. That guy ended up in jail for a few years (nothing to do with me – I am pretty chill and not vengeful at all) right after I warned him that he’d better stop messing with people’s heads. Vaknim also spent time in jail. I know I am right about this and I know that these types are sad and empty. They are playing with fire. Don’t be a victim. It is fine to love him and let go. I told mine that no matter what happened I would always have a place in my heart for him because he came along at a time when I needed someone just like him. He didn’t go into full narc mode until I left the country. I think it destabilized him, though he would never admit it. I am in control of my destiny and so are you.
Thank you. I truly believe when I let him go he will move on and forget about me. I don’t matter that much to him 😔
No one matters that much to him. It’s not you. It’s him. I know it’s hard to accept that you don’t matter but it’s easier if you realize that no one matters. He’s not replacing you with someone “better.” It’s his loss. Not yours.
Thank you for that…. I’ve always felt like it was just me. Like he treated the others better. I know that I’m not losing anything ( him ). It’s just hard losing someone that you desperately loved. I’ll be ok soon. Thank you so much for your advice and understanding. This is the hardest thing to do!!
Not true. I heard from my ex last week. Another relationship came to an end. She ended up in therapy. Her family asked him to leave. Only illusion he treats someone else better. He cant change. Sadly.
Thank you for that, positivagirl. It’s all an illusion. Smoke and mirrors. He wants you to think you’re not good enough to keep you hooked and trying. He’s always just out of reach. Who knows why they do it. Huge waste of energy and impossible for us more normal people to understand.
They do it, because they can. To play the game. They are empty inside, this is entertainment to them. Other peoples lives and the energy and emotions they get from them, is entertainment for them. If they can waste your life, all the better. This makes them feel even more powerful, and in control.
Positivagirl, you have explained this to us several times. I believe you!! It’s just something I couldn’t imagine. When I’m with him, when he goes back to the person I fell in love with he seems so loving and normal… I’m going to do myself a favor and not see him again… that’s where I get into trouble, He’s very attractive, sexy and knows how to play me.
Cindyt there is a post here where someones ex traced her online. She posted an update comment yesterday i pinned it on the facebook page. Please read it. Going back will just bring more damage and drama back into your life.
Funny but I almost don’t even remember the several months of my life that he wasted. It was almost as if I was a different person existing in a different dimension.
Valerie…. I’ll never forget those months… they were almost magical!!! But seeing the person he is now it’s obvious that the person I fell in love with was a fake.
Yes.. it is exactly like that. Living in their alternate twisted reality.
I know I’m good enough ( actually too good for him) but he treats me as if HE thinks I’m not good enough for him. He plays all kinds of games with my head…. on New News day he told me ( for the first time ) that he loved me. On January 18th he text me and said we should sit down and talk and asked me when was a good time to talk. I told him anytime was good… I didn’t hear from him for about a week. I’m so tired but obviously I have some issues of my own to work out. I have to remember my worth and that I deserve better.
I remember only the good bits – the first few months. Very weird. Especially because during the final months I was in a different country. How could I not remember when it was all so stressful? Guess those are my natural defenses. I willfully put it out of my head!! Glad I am able to do that. And now I don’t even dwell on the good bits.
Positivagirl, mine also traced me online (don’t know if you read my whole story). I left the conversation (didn’t realize it was him at first) and then deactivated my account. I’ll check out the Facebook post.
Yes, Cindy, you have to remember your own worth. Doesn’t matter if he wants to talk or even if he tells you he loves you. It’s all a hook as you must have realized when he went silent for a week. He wanted supply from you. NC is not only about not seeing him. It is also about not engaging with him in any way, shape or form.
@Positivagirl… oh believe me I know that all too well!!! I’ve been on this site almost a year now AND I’ve gone back several times since then!! I tell myself that it’s just sex and I won’t get sucked back in…. but I DO EVERY TIME!!! He’s not stalking me, he doesn’t have to. I make it too easy for him. I’m considering going back to therapy… I had gotten so much stronger in my resolve to move on from him. If I don’t reply believe me he will move on. I was never that important to him. I live alone and I’m pretty much a loner… so I get lonely a lot and he fills a void. I have decided that being lonely is better than being hurt by this guy!!! He comes back, he apologizes, we communicate daily for a while, we have sex then I don’t see him again for weeks or a month. He tells me that he’s working. This really has to stop!!
Valerie… I’ve been on this site for almost a year…. I know all of what you stated. The brain can register a lot, but the heart takes over and wreaks havoc!!! If I’m to be totally healthy and happy again I HAVE to not have any contact with him!!! I’m powerless when he’s around!! One thing I’m clear of is that in my particular situation I AM IN CONTROL!!! I’m certain that if I don’t pursue or reply to his random text or email he will NOT pursue me!! I was never that important to him. It’s hard for me to move on from any relationship ( I truly do cherish people) but this one is the worst!!! Back to therapy I go!!!
You have to let go. Or be stuck in the vortex.
I know. It helps to get feedback from you all. Thank you and please continue to support me. Other people really don’t understand what we go through.
I live alone too but I have a child (grown now) and just got out of a bad marriage. I really never want to be in a relationship again, much less married. My narc would have been perfect had he not been psycho 😉 because I only wanted a respectful casual relationship. My life is good and I am sure yours is too. You just need to find something that absorbs your attention. I suggested that you go on a few dates. You might be surprised at how easy it is to turn your attention to someone or something else. I’m not kidding myself here – I know that if mine ended up on my doorstep (something I do fear), I would probably take him back. Luckily, he has no time to stalk me other than online and I’ve been dating other people.
Can anyone tell me how I post my story? the link doesnt seem to work….thanks
Hi joe just write it on share your story page top of the page.
I too left a bad marriage and this guy seemed just perfect for me as well!! I fell head over heels quickly!!! I’m not open to meeting ” strangers ” and dating. I normally have to meet ( date ) people through someone or a situation. I had known my sociopath through work (casually) for 8 months before he made his move… I liked him and thought he was cute. I also talked to other people who had known him ( through work) for years. People are crazy out here now days and I will not end up on a Dateline story!! Yes, this guy has hurt me emotionally but random people will physically attack or kill you. I will be alone until I meet someone through someone or a situation that I’m acquainted with. I plan on working out and sociolizing with girlfriends who are also having men troubles. I just pray that I can put him behind me quickly.
Ugh I’ve been missing him intensely these past few hours. No idea why. Glad I can come here to post. I never knew anyone that knew mine though we belong to one of the same circles and I do know who all of his family members are, some of whom know some people I know. But all too far removed. I often wished I knew someone who knew him but I guess it wouldn’t have made much difference. Maybe a “stranger” is a better bet? 😉
And I reactivated my online dating account. At first he wasn’t on the list of people I’d interacted with so I relaxed because I figured he was gone. But when I logged in a few hours later, he was back on my list. Why do I get the feeling that he is intently focused on me? He waits for me to reactivate and then he reactivates? This is difficult because I’ve often used this site. I even met my ex husband on there (we were together for 7 years). I don’t like the other sites and don’t want to be forced out just because psycho is there and I made the mistake of responding to him once because I didn’t know it was him. If I block him I’ll have to go directly to his profile and he’ll see that I’ve been there. I guess I just have to ignore him. Challenging.
It’s probably because we’ve been talking about him ( them ) and it brought up memories. I’m glad I got to know him somewhat at work before embarking on a romantic/intimate relationship. Although no one at work knew him the way I got to know him. They were shocked to find out what kind of person he is. He was forced to resign in September 2015 for falsifying government documents, so I don’t have to see him at work. Everyone thought he was this great guy ( that’s what he wanted them to see). He had worked for the agency for 9 years…. it took me about a year to expose him. Lol!! I’m doing ok today… of course I’ve thought about him several times. The key is to keep busy!!! It seems that I will NEVER shake this guy!!!
Yes, just ignore him. See…. this is where my guy is different- he doesn’t stalk me like that. This is going to sound crazy but it’s like I’m not even worth that. He disappears without any contact ( not even a reply to my many texts/emails) them one day he pops up out of the blue without any explanation. It’s like he just know that I will always be here. I’m praying to God to take all desire of him away!!! I think you will be ok. I’ve been trying to let go for over a year now!!!
He might be stalking you somehow – you’re just not onto him yet. Or he waits until you’ve texted or emailed a certain number of times. Perhaps there is a pattern. Pretty sure mine would respond if I contacted him but I haven’t initiated contact except for maybe once in about 6 months now. Can’t believe yours falsified documents. Like the jail thing I mentioned. They dig their own graves. We just cannot let them take us down too! LOL! I do think there must be something about us that allows for this sort of thing to happen. For instance, I probably have borderline personality disorder or something. Hard time regulating emotions. Someone comes along who is very steady and cool, and I cling to him like a life raft!
I had a friend visiting until yesterday and I think talking to her about it didn’t help either. But not talking about it or talking about it doesn’t seem to make much difference. It never goes away.
I think you’re right about the waiting until I text/email a certain number of times. Yes, he had a very important position in the federal government and he wanted to leave early and didn’t perform this last duty of the day, so when he came back to work the next morning he lied on the log that he did the security check. His Supervisors were already trying to get rid of him, so they pulled the electronic record for that day and it showed that he was never in that room. I agree with you that there is something in our personalities that attract people like that…. I had been in a bad marriage for a long time and had been separated for about a year when I started with him. Like you said I thought he was just perfect and clung onto him like a lifeline!!! I had never fallen for anyone so fast and so hard EVER!!! I think I too may have borderline personality disorder: I have a hard time controlling my emotions when I’m angry or hurt and will lash out at the person who’s hurt me. He has paid dearly for most of the hurt he’s caused me. Of course my punishment was the silent treatment for weeks. A therapist told me that although he claims he will not tolerate me going off on him that secretly he’s probably excited by my actions. The therapist thinks that’s why he’s been around so long…. they usually get bored and move on BUT he always come back because my actions excite him. I’m tired of ranting and doing and saying things to hurt him ( if that’s possible). I just want to be done with it all until I meet a nice normal guy.
I disagree… it’s better to talk about this with people who care and support you. I’ve found that most don’t understand why we can’t just get over it BUT I’m fortunate enough to have 2 good friends ( who knew him from work) and who were around when this ALL played out. They saw the devastation that it did to me!! They didn’t believe or get the whole SOCIOPATH thing at first, I gave them articles to read and they recognized that he had those traits. It also helped that I exposed that he had lied to them years before I was even on the scene. They literally helped to save my sanity and life and I still talk to them when he hurts me AGAIN. They don’t judge, they talk me thru it until I’m ok again. Hang in there Val… you’re doing great!!!
I had only been separated for three months when I took up with mine. I thought I was ready to date a bit and have some fun. That’s all I really wanted! Sheesh. When I met him I already had plans to be away for five months and I didn’t tell him right away. Then I left. He never made a stink about it. Just “followed” me there and kept me on the hook the whole time I was away. They are never ever defeated…I think he’s a bit jealous of my lifestyle, to be honest. He has material things but I have freedom.
And yes I believe that every time I got upset (I went off on him about four times) it excited him more! Another reason why NC is best.
I meant bringing it up with my friend just made me think about it – not that she didn’t get it. But few people understand this sort of thing. Those without our personality traits can’t understand how we could possibly get into these situations and not be able to get out of them! Ha!
Yep… true. I explain to them that a relationship and breakup with a sociopath is not a normal relationship/breakup. There is usually no closure, just discard and ignoring. Your stunned because this person once seemed so caring and you truly loved them… then one day the are just GONE!!! I’m my case it helps to talk about it because it helps me to remember how bad he makes me feel. Because I still work at the agency that we met I will always be reminded of him. But then again almost EVERYTHING reminds me of him. I really hope he’s done with me or I’m strong enough to ignore when he decides to contact me.
I have to chime in to your post. When discussing a relationship with others about a psycho/sociopath the understanding is like asking a baby to spell a word. If they have never experienced it they will never understand. To them they think “o” just another bad guy, well it’s so very far from that and i speak from experience. It hurtful, embarrassing, humiliating, and any other word when one has beat you down mentally. As the tears fill your eyes they are off painting the same picture that they once painted for you. Through all of my information seeking every story of one that has experienced it seems all the same. Please understand this is a hell you would never want to live. Once they’ve taken everything you have to offer and what’s been manipulated from you they move on so carefreely to the next willing (what you see is not what you get) victim. At first you are willing then the torture begins. I have broken sobriety a number of times and it doesn’t get better. They prey on us thinking that which gives them even more power.
Everyone’s telling me that mine is obsessed with me and I’m like, but, HE DISCARDED ME. It makes no sense. Though maybe he wasn’t quite done with me. So yeah, normal rules do not apply. When I dump someone they are dumped. I don’t stalk them. I don’t reappear suddenly. I don’t care what they do. I hope I’m strong enough too if he ever decides to contact me again.
Well I will be here to support you and hopefully via versa. Our lives and experiences are so similar.
Thank you and yes I will!
Awwww Chocolate… I’m so sorry about you breaking sobriety. Yes, most people just don’t understand… that’s why it’s good that we have sites like this to come to. Yes, we all basically have the same stories and yes it hurts when they just pick up and move to the next. As much as it hurts when they discard and disappear, it’s hurts more when they keep coming back… it’s like slowly taking off a band aid. God willing we will all overcome this.
Thanks for the encouraging words, I am well aware of what’s happening each time but the strength to walk away and stay is the most difficult. It’s making yourself believe that this is real. It was even hard for me to understand when the switch first happened which was after about the first 4 months into the relationship. I thought i was losing my mind silent treatment for days on end. It seemed so real at first and I have always been known as strong female, when i say he gave me a punishment that i would think would only be found in hell. The deliberate mistreatment, harsh words, and anything else you can imagine. O but when I did a little research it became hell for us both. He was very intimidated by what everyone saw as strength in me and i learned what he claimed to admire he was seeking to destroy. He gave me a shift but i still managed to remain standing. I left him he set the stage and within i’ll say 30 days he was posting pictures of him and his new love. Lol what a joke and what i never did was search to see what he was up to for some reason there will always be someone out there seeming to me waiting to leak that damning information. Well it’s nice to vent, share, and listen to try to be supportive of others who have been in this o so familiar situation. I wouldn’t wish it on my worse enemy.
I’m sorry too Chocolate. I find myself telling people – he’s like X character in a film or TV show to try to make them understand. I can predict what’s going to happen next because I’ve experienced it now! That sort of thing. The slowly taking off a band aid analogy is true. Or like a cat and mouse game. They are always trying to outwit us because they think we are trying to outwit them, when what we really want is to move on. To them “leave me alone” is a challenge.
Girl yes!! When the discard first happened I was devastated!!! And the subsequent discards, silent treatments really hurt mostly because I thought I would never see him again. Now, it’s like ok how long this time? Lol!!! He’s predictable. Hopefully one day the source of supply is so good that he completely forgets about me. I always speculate that once the supply runs out he comes back to me. I’ve even til him that, he denies it of course. Chocolate, please go to a meeting, call a sponsor or whatever you have to do to get back on the wagon. They are not worth it!!! I’ve gained 30 lbs since last year ( emotional eating, not motivated to exercise). I’m eating healthy and will go back to the gym tonight. I refuse to let him do that to me!! I’m a beautiful woman who’s always taken pride in my appearance. I’m going back to putting me first and loving me!!
I fell of by communicating again after a number of ignored text and calls. My response was have you received professional help and his response was why couldn’t i have just stayed it doesn’t matter how he gave me the silent treatment since i don’t listen to anything he says anyway. Our whole relationship once the honeymoon was over was about him asserting power over me which never ends well. I was never bullied into a corner enough that i went along with all of his absurdities and dysfunctional way of thinking. It was always fair hell. This is a 50 year old man who will give me the silent treatment if i refuse to taste a dish he clearly knows i don’t like. I will get the silent treatment if i don’t cheer for a team he likes and i don’t like. It’s like give up your autonomy in order to have something that is clearly toxic but by the time you know what hit you it’s only time to seek a way to recover.
You are a human being with feelings. Not a robot or a puppet.
I became so convinced I wouldn’t see him again on so many occasions that I got used to it and dumped him once for it last spring. I actually haven’t seen him for six months now except for the front facing close up photo he was using when he contacted me on the dating site a few weeks ago. He’s changed it to a distant picture of somewhere on a beach, I’m sure because he knows I took screen shots the last time around.
I lost weight and managed to keep it off (so far). I do the opposite when upset – I don’t eat!
I last saw him on Christmas Day and the last communion was almost 2 weeks ago.
I wish I was like that!! Lol!! I think if I don’t reach out to him he may just be gone for good this time. As long as I chase him he eventually return… even if it’s just texting and email. I’ve had a good couple of days and I’m feeling stronger. Although I miss him, it’s my hope that he stay away and allow me to fully get over him. I can see happiness in my future.
Glad you can see happiness in your future! It’s out there! You know you shouldn’t chase him, right? That’s why you’re not getting past it. Though of course it was easier for me because we were in different countries from August-December, so there was no point in me chasing him or even reaching out to him.
Hi Ladies,
I’ve been following your posts for a little. I had shared my story too a few weeks ago.
It definitely helps to share experiences and read from others that they have went through the same things.
I myself lost weight from emotional stress with my ex narc. Funny thing is he loves me being curvier and having a bigger butt. So he sort of hurt himself by “torturing” me.
I was so hurt so many times. Every time he threatened to break up with me or gave me the silent treatment. I was so scared to lose him. And now that I broke up and we had several fights after that still and he still keeps coming back every time, I almost have to laugh, because he’s so predictable, like you said Cindy! It’s crazy how his abnormal behavior is so much more obvious to me now than before. I can spot it immediately now, when before I always thought everything was my fault and I tried to fix something I couldn’t fix.
So even though I’m still talking and sometimes see my narc, which I do want to stop, I feel strangely liberated by knowing that he’s the one that’s not normal, not me. I’m not desperate anymore to be with him and I’m talking to other people. I hope that you can feel the same way, that even if you might have not cut them off all the way, that at least you’re not addicted in the same way as before. I think once you see through them, it’s a little bit easier. So if I had one Tipp, I guess it would be to try to laugh at them and at their actions everytime you see what’s actually going on. Humor helps 😉
Thanks for sharing your stories!!
Thank you kindspirit. You don’t need an idiot who treats you bad.
KindSpirit, I agree that once you see through them they lose their power, though I still do not dare to be in contact with my narc. By the time I do dare, I won’t care anymore. And yes, humor does help! So does pity!
I totally understand.
I’m trying to get away from my ex too and break all contact. Something was in the way until now and now that that problem is out of the way there’s no more reason for me to be nice or see him. Part of me just wants to get attention and love and knows that he can temporarily give that to me. He still has some power over me and while I can see the humor in it, he also still makes me feel guilty. He also still manages to make me feel bad, even though I KNOW he’s all bs and sick in a way. The power of conditioning I guess. Thank god for YouTube videos and a forum like this! Good to know this is real and not just some form of paranoia I might have. I wish you ladies all the best! ❤
Still struggling with my feelings… I know I deserve better but I miss him. I’m trying to stay busy. Why can’t I put this man behind me?!! I almost hate myself for not being able to move on yet!!
I feel you! Same here. I miss him the way I thought he was and the good times, after which he always dropped me again. He just knows how to make me feel really good. At the same time he can do the very opposite to me.
I’m a singer and songwriter so I want to write everything down and process it that way. I’m also thinking about starting to write a novel and share my crazy experiences. Cindyt maybe you can also find some creative output, it won’t always work, but it definitely helps.
As a matter of fact we should all write down our craziest experiences with our narcs, publish it and help others with it to recognize what’s going on. 😉 And if anybody here wants to exchange contact information to help each other through the tough times I’d be happy to do that too!
KindSpirit…. you are absolutely correct and those are great ideas!!! I’ve said that I’m going to write my novel about my experiences with my Sociopath. I will get serious and do it… I’ve written them in my journal for over a year now. I wish I could meet someone else to date, but I’m extremely picky and don’t let a lot of people ( especially men) in my life.
Me too! And I’m just very slow with it and convincing myself that I can actually do it. But at least I started. 😉
And that’s awesome! You should! I also wanna use all the texts from him that I still have and pick the most controversial ones to include them in the story. They took so much from us, why shouldn’t we make something great out of it and win in the end?
I completely understand. I’m the same way. I was fascinated by how my ex captivated me even though I am so picky. And now I am on tinder and planning to meet some guys but very hesitant. And when it comes to meeting my narc I go along with that sometimes because it’s familiar and I know him. How stupid… But don’t pressure yourself! I think we might be better off alone as long as we haven’t mastered being happy while being alone. Or otherwise the story will just repeat.
At the right time the right people will come into our lives I’m sure. And that’s easy said, but let’s pour our hearts and old feelings into some sort of art. 😉 maybe we can keep each other motivated 😛
I too thought of writing a short story! Hey we all had weird experiences. Like being in a different dimension of life. Makes perfect sense.
I almost wrote an I miss you email yesterday then I changed it to something funny in reference to discussions we’d had in the past, and then I didn’t send it at all. Yay me!
I have a tentative date on Saturday with someone I am very interested in. I am trying not to get my hopes up but I have a good feeling about this guy and trying to trust my gut and not be paranoid – get back to who I once was. Almost there…
That sounds like a plan!! Yes, I too allow sociopath to come back because at least I’m familiar and comfortable with him ( a girl has needs too 😉) although I realize I’m not doing myself any good by keep going back. I actually told him last Spring that I was going to write a book about my experiences with him…. in true narcissistic form he said ” just make sure I get my cut”. Wow!!! It’s Valentines Day and although there are 2 men who are pursuing who’ve already wished me a Happy Valentines Day ( before 6am) I only want to hear from him!!! One is an ex-boyfriend that I completely cut off when I fell in love with sociopath, the other is a new guy that I haven’t went out with yet. I’m thinking about going to dinner with him in hopes of moving away from sociopath. I don’t think he’s for me but seems like we could have a friendship. There are no butterflies… to this day ( 2 years later) sociopath still gives me butterflies. This is what the do to us and why it’s so hard to let them go. For me it takes a special person to give me butterflies. This is so hard!!
Hey Val… that’s good news!! I’m so proud of you. I wish I could tell you that I’ve been that strong. 😔. I’ve been talking to a guy that I know through a friend…. he seems nice but there is no physical attraction there. I may go to dinner with him. I’m thinking we may be friends. The conversation are good and interesting. No butterflies like with my sociopath.
I went out on two dates with someone in whom I had little interest. It was fine. He was a nice guy. Allowed me to “practice” and to think about what I really wanted. I think you should do it. Baby steps.
There appears to be great rapport between me and the guy I hope to see on Saturday but I haven’t met him yet face to face so no idea if the butterflies will be there. But maybe! The thing is, you have to give yourself a chance to disconnect from the sociopath. If you are still in touch with him your brain will never calm down and therefore never tick up again, except with him…
I know… I’m trying. I will meet the guy for a date but I already know that there’s no chemistry there. Not that I’m not open and hopeful that someone will come along and give me butterflies. I’m one of those girls who has to have that in a relationship or there’s no sense in seeing that person. I would rather be alone that to date just to date. I’m not bragging but I’m very attractive and men hit on me daily, no one has interests me. I’ll be patient, he’s out there. I agree… baby steps. I hope your date is all that you want it to be. Please come back and share how it went. I’ll do the same.
I know it’s hard to spend time with someone you’re not attracted to but the more men who hit on you the better. That is the “sense” in seeing someone you’re not attracted to in this particular situation (though don’t lead them on – would be mean). I’m always getting hit on as well. I think narcs look for women like us (probably all of the women on this site). It’s a challenge for them to take ownership of an attractive woman. Remember that for them it is all about supply, which reflects on them – which is about them. They are insecure. The more physically attractive, intelligent and “un-gettable” the woman, the more it builds them up. That’s all it is. Why do you think movie stars, models, singers and all sorts of glamorous, gorgeous, talented, self-sufficient women end up in these kinds of relationships?
That’s so true. The two I’ve ended up with found (or married) the most beautiful women. Everyone wonders what is SHE doing with HIM? The shes (in this case) had the job, their act together, looked great, were responsible, trusting, led by their values, etc. He just legitimizes himself from the womens’ credibility. She’s educated, she pays the bills, she looks trustworthy–why could she marry a con man?
It’s like another “cover” for him. Yet, even women who seem to have it all together (no matter what she looks like) can have a big, emotional hole inside and these guys go after that to get in. They fill the holes and then, when the person feels really good-happy with the situation, they use different manipulation techniques to tear it all down–cheating, stealing, lying more, disappearing, etc.
Good luck on the dates!
And I will let you know how it goes!
Arghhh. I need someone to stop me from sending him the email I wanted to send him yesterday. I can barely contain myself and I know he would find it hysterically funny (well, as far as he is able to – he was often shocked at what I was capable of joking about). I’ve written the email and left it in drafts….stop me….