Lack of empathy, guilt, remorse or shame


The most incredible trait of a sociopath, is their complete lack of conscience, lack of empathy, remorse, guilt or shame. Sociopaths are great at feigning ‘moral outrage’, or playing victim, giving a false persona that has the  impression of being truly empathetic and caring character. This, like most things with the sociopath, is merely for show. The facade that you see on the outside, has little resemblance to the reality that is going on behind the screen, well hidden, and only known by the sociopath themselves. They are the chameleons of society.

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Lack of empathy, guilt, remorse or shame is one of the hallmark traits of the sociopath. It means that they can do practically anything, and then act as if nothing as happened.

What are you making a fuss about?

Sociopaths have no fear. They do not care what others think of them (unless it involves being exposed, which would affect their ability to con further). A sociopath can do and say the MOST outrageous things, and then act like nothing ever happened.  Just like everyone else in society, all sociopaths are different and they all do different things but examples would be:

  • Compulsive pathological lying (outrageous ridiculous lies)
  • Deception and manipulation (conning)
  • Cheating and infidelity
  • Taking the victim hostage, and having full ownership possession and control (without them realising this)
  • Living like a parasite
  • Faking ‘love’
  • Theft (includes theft of anything, money, your life, your mind)
  • Threats, ruining and smear campaigns

It never occurs to the sociopath that the person that they are deceiving or cheating, has their own rights, mind, and that everyone should have the ability to make decisions for themselves. To the sociopath, what they need and want is of paramount importance, and anyone else, is there for the taking.

The sociopath thinks only of himself, and if he seems to be ‘helpful’ this is usually because he has his own agenda to achieve. If he wants something, he will make sure that he obtains what he wants by using whatever means he needs to. A sociopath will go to extra ordinary lengths to manipulate and deceive. Giving a false impression of who they are to the victim, to obtain whatever they want.

If you had something that the sociopath wanted, he could just take it for himself. He wouldn’t think about how this would make you feel, or your loss. All he would be thinking of, is achieving his own needs.

For most people, when we do an act which hurts somebody else, we feel guilt, we have regret, remorse and shame. The sociopath does not experience these feelings. He will only experience regret, if his actions have affected his own life, and therefore damaged himself.

In this circumstance, the sociopath will apologise and say ‘sorry’ but he is not sorry for pain that he has caused you, and your life, he is simply sorry for his own loss of supply, and lost opportunities. Also, saying sorry can keep you silent, and make you question what you already know. However, most of the time, when confronting a sociopath about their behaviour, you will be faced with

  • Anger
  • False accusations
  • Deflection
  • Changing the subject

This lack of conscience, is beneficial to the sociopath

Rather than thinking about the impact of his actions on others, as most people think, he thinks how his actions will get what he wants. He is always thinking of himself, and of what he wants to achieve. The other person, is merely an instrument to be used.

A sociopath, has learned from an early age to ‘mimic’ feelings that other people feel, so he will act guilty, or say the words that they are ‘ashamed’ but only if his actions have caused loss of supply for himself. He never experiences the conscience to think of how his actions have affected someone else, for he is only capable of thinking for himself, there are some sociopaths, the disempathetic type, that can have empathy for those in his close circle.

The lack of conscience, can then go one further, to continue with the abuse by gaslighting. When you make complaint about what has happened to you, it is then made out to be YOUR fault?

  • If they cheated, well it was your fault for how you treated them
  • If they stole they deny and tell you have lost the item, or misplaced it, you are so scatty!
  • If they have ruined by manipulation and deception, well it was because of x y or z

To the sociopath, nothing is ever their fault. There is always a reason, and that reason is often YOU.

The sociopath will, if you still have a source of supply that they want or need, apologise, and promise not to do these actions again. But as soon as his feet are under the table again, and you TRUST, your trust is once again betrayed, and they will repeat the same pattern again.

If this seems crazy, this is because it is crazy!  These actions can be hurtful, painful, and make you think that you are losing your mind. If you think that it could get better and hang on in false hope, that things will improve. Let me tell you, it won’t the same pattern would repeat itself over again.

The sociopath plays on YOUR conscience

The sociopath has an advantage, in that he is able to operate by playing on what he does not have, but what you have – ‘conscience’. He will play on your own conscience. His actions are therefore deflected back to you.

  • Will remind you of your moral responsibility
  • Repeat back to you your morals
  • Will accuse you of what he is guilty of doing himself to distract you
  • Talk at a million miles an hour, so that you do not have time to think
  • Have a fake sense of morality, and what you should be doing

How and why the sociopath repeats the same pattern of behaviour

Because the sociopath does not have a conscience,  he is unable to make long term plans, and thinks only of his own needs, and how he can obtain his source of supply, he will after a betrayal make apologies and promise that he will not do these actions again.

Within a short space of time, the same pattern of behaviour re-occurs.

The reason that the sociopath does this is because, when he makes new promises, he is (to his mind) starting again and putting on a fresh mask. However, because he is unable to learn from past mistakes, his brain works on default, so when faced with a new opportunity or temptation, he will will cease this opportunity and act on the temptation.

What has happened in the past is forgotten, and he will repeat the same pattern of behaviour. This is because:

  • He does not learn from past mistakes
  • He is unable to have empathy for anybody else
  • He does not experience guilt, remorse or shame for past actions, and any displayed are fake
  • He is selfish and thinks only of himself, and his own needs
  • The past is quickly forgotten

The sociopath therefore will repeat the same patterns of behaviour. He is not dictated by others feelings, or others welfare. He is only dictated by his own needs and wants. At the time of making promises to you to change, he might genuinely mean it. Due to losing source of supply. He means it because he does not want to lose this source of supply.

However, the sociopath does not miss opportunities, and if temptation were to come his way again, he would likely repeat the same behaviour, the mask once again slips, and it is round ???? of the same behaviour that has happened in the past.

This is because the sociopath is reacting to what is happening right now. Providing supply for his own needs. No matter how he gets this supply, and no matter who he hurts in the process.

Because he doesn’t think of long term consequences for his actions, and has a lack of ability to plan ahead, he doesn’t think of the consequences of his actions, and not having a conscience, it is unlikely that this will ever change, and patterns of behaviour will be continually repeated, it is not a case of if it will happen, it is when it will happen. Leaving the victim living in a state of anxiety and on edge waiting for the next drama which will cause disruption. This is about the only thing that is guaranteed and reliable about the sociopath, that indeed there will be further disruption. Not if, but when.

All rights resevered,  copyright datingasociopath.com 2013

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177 thoughts on “Lack of empathy, guilt, remorse or shame”

      1. YES….I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING …HERE GOD I WISH I WOULD HAVE KNOWN THIS 2 YEARS AGO I WOULD HAVE SAVED MYSELF MUCH PAIN AND HURT: EVERYTHING I READ HERE FITS MY EX TO A “T”…..

      2. Positive Girl…this is Luv_Doctor who’s just about to release his newest book on Narcissism.

        I sent you the manuscript in hopes that you APPROVE using your article because it was your article that made me aware that the woman I was dating was a Narcissist.

        Engagement proposal on my TV show where she accepted the proposal while seeing someone else.

        Would you kindly give me your permission to utilize your copyright?

      3. Hello Nikki…

        Below is the EXACT wording in my book that’s dedicated to you; which will be released next week.

        Once again, thank you for your permission to utilize your work to EXPOSE my Narcissist.

        Chapter XVIII – NACARISSM

        In this chapter, I will give you “MY OPINION” of what my relationship with Lilith was. Before I begin this chapter, I wish to display my deepest “gratitude” to “Nikki Gillett” (known as “Positivagirl”) on her “Sociopath” website: “Dating a Sociopath” (https://datingasociopath.com). Her article: “Lack of Empathy, Guilt, Remorse or Shame” was shockingly eye-opening and informative”! It was this article made me aware of whom I was with; what I was dealing with; and how to deal with it. If you know nothing of Narcissism, I strongly suggest you start with her website; and shift your research to the other professionals I mentioned within this book. Of all the articles I studied on the Internet, this was the most dead-on, can’t be disputed intelligence that highlighted Lilith’s behavior that unveiled her Narcissistic Mask. This article was so important to me that I had to create a chapter dedicated to the information contributed. Therefore, with Ms. Nikki Gillett’s permission to utilize her copyright (which is something authors barely ever do – especially when their “ENTIRE” article is being utilized word from word), I’m going plot this book’s accounts within her article to make evident the deeds and actions of Lilith that fall under the article’s criteria of what a sociopath is. This is to demonstrate what I discovered; and what “YOU” may discover in your own relationship if you are unknowingly involved with a Narcissist. Remember, this book’s story was written “before” I even acknowledged Ms. Gillett’s article on what a Sociopath is; or what a Narcissist was; therefore, nothing is being fabricated out of favoritism. I pray to “God” that this book helps you as Ms. Gillett’s article has helped me.

    1. Also – it is clearly genetic – I married one and hatched a daughter with zero shame, conscience, etc. Horrible. Best thing is I have cut her out of the will and my life.

      1. I believe it is genetic My ex fiancé is a sociopath we were together for 7 years. We moved to be around his mother and grandmother. His grandmother raised him but he is exactly like his mother she is also a sociopath. I cannot. Describe the nightmare I endured. It was a double dose. They would get together and plan things against me. Every night he came home from her house it was a living tormented nightmare. Evil

  1. Yes, just got out of a 5 year relationship with one of these assholes! Very damaging and they just plain don’t GIVE A SHIT who they hurt.

    1. At least they wont be hurting you anymore. I was with a girl for almost 5 years and she almost sucked me dry. she even took away my daughter I haven’t seen my daughter for almost 3 years.

      Everything she says is a lie. she cheated with many guys, she is unbelievably lazy and has no career aspirations. would leech off me for money so she can then lie and use my money to take guys out.

      Best part is she’s someone else’s problem now.

    2. Restrict and control those people(regardless of blood relations), as well as keep them far away from anything or anyone you care about. They cannot be cured.

      1. Sadly, one of my brothers is this way. I only came to recognize it in recent years. He is also an alcholic and is capable of unspeakable meanness and vicious spite for which he never apologizes or shows any remorse. He is almost a carbon copy of Trump. He used to be my favorite. brother. No more. I am seriously considering cutting off all ties with him, He was a bully in the schoolyard, beating up other kids, breaking their bikes and toys and other delinquent behavior. He has an inflated false personality. I have grown to hate him. Of course he is PRO TRUMP to a sickening degree.

  2. I have the same problem married to a man who has the same tendency fo 17yrs finally have the courage to put him out…I also have strang reason to believe he has being molesting our 6yrs old daughter ..I report him to CPS..they are investigating him

      1. Yes he has no contact with her until the investigation is complete and they find it not to be him..she is autistic and can not speak

    1. Don’t wait to put him out. Grab your child. Walk away. GO. Don’t look back. GET OUT. LEAVE. My mother stayed through FOUR children with a sicko who beat her and us and it destrpyed her and our lives from which we have never recovered. GET HELP NOW. Work on your own self esteem which has been damaged. Remember, there are plenty of nice men out there. Get out while you can with a legal restraining order and get professional help.

      PLEASE!!!

  3. The author of this reading obviously has issues like many do against sociopaths. Although some points were true. The problem is most real sociopaths are genius. You might recognize one but he is not worried about that. Manipulation is just the beginning. It’s far deeper than that. Even you realizing you might of discovered a true sociopath the problem is you have already got to close and he’s already got what he wanted from you whether you realize it or not. Another problem is his angles of manipulating you are more advanced and they are based on using your conscious against you but that’s just one of the angles. Kind of like a good chess player only the sociopaths is ten angles ahead. Most of what he does he has many cover ups and he will take the facts out of the equations leaving if he gets found out on his plots there’s not much you can do to prove it. That was planned long before. In this case he covers his ass to avoid legal issues or even just to leave you confused. Sociopaths do mess up because no one person is perfect. Do not mistake all horrible people as sociopaths because there’s fewer true sociopaths then you think. One thing you can count on is sociopaths are truly there own worst enemy. sociopaths may not care about you but they care so much for themselves that they can never have enough and can never truly be happy. Sociopaths are vampires and I am sorry if you come into contact with one. When you do discover one my best advise is to cut your losses and run cutting off all contact. Good luck

  4. My husband of 25yrs restarted using meth amphetamines after going through problems10yrs ago behavior was crazy blamed me for pushing him away calling a particular woman 11 yrs older than him after i confronted him said why can’t he have friends that’s all they are, i asked him what if i was doing what he was doing he told me i could have a friend if i wanted, after our Dr. talked to him 2 wks ago he told me that he wanted things o go back to normal, but i cant trust him then in a conversation we were having he tells me he has no regrets or remorse, hmmm….. Confused

  5. I dated a Sociopath. It was horrible. She was very beautiful, wealthy and successful. All the warning signs were there but like everyone else I brushed them off as me being too paranoid. She basically listen to exactly what I wanted in a wife and then she mirrored it. I could not believe that I had met “the one)”. It wasn’t until about 6 months that 1 day her mask came off. Luckily for me I hadn’t given her my complete trust and that I am 36 and quite intelligent. I critically analyse everything. At first I was in such an emotional cloud. How did someone so perfect just switch into this horrible manipulative monster who treated me like a stone in her shoe? How is that even possible. From being the most amazing communicator to being someone who wouldn’t answer her phone for days. The games and the out right lies. Pointing to the sky and basically telling me it’s red when it’s blue in a sense. I nearly lost my reality and nearly submitted my trust to her. Thank God I began reading and had the ability to step outside of my emotions and look at things from a logical point of view. She is an extrenemy and evil person and I am still over coming it. I am quite outgoing, popular and successful and I think she just wanted me to be associated with her to feed her ego but I am still am unsure. She also ended up being married with a child. I knew but I always thought if was over. This was obviously not the case. I couldn’t help but feel such deep sorrow for her child and husband. She has mentally dominated her husband to the point where he knows what she is doing and he allows it. After looking at photos I can see that his spirit has been crushed and that she spiritually and mentally owns him. It’s so evil. I am from the hood so when someone fukt with me I retaliate. I posted a status about her. Hit her where it hurts. Exposed her entirely. Everyone in my city knows me and I know it really affected her. I have no regret in what I did. She is a bad bad person. Sadly I still feel love for her. Which I hope fades in time. it has been almost 4 months since her mask fell off.

  6. Example of how your copyright will be utilized for my upcoming book:

    3. or playing victim
    “I’m not denying my relationship with him or denying the part I played! I’m a victim too.”

    6. Lack of empathy, guilt, remorse or shame is one of the hallmark traits of the sociopath. It means that they can do practically anything, and then act as if nothing as happened.
    “It’s nothing to understand Angie why reck your brain. Why reck your brain to understand what people go thru in a relationship! It’s elementary! You become intrigued with a person and it’s a interview process like any relationship similar to a job and if the person doesn’t work out you end it!”
    a) What are you making a fuss about?
    “I don’t understand why you are so upset?”

    7. Sociopaths have no fear.
    Lilith is spending all week at the man’s house whom she’s sleeping with; thus leaving me all alone (her fiancee) in her house in Houston. Most women would be too afraid to come home and go to sleep in fear that a man would slice their throats in their sleep after spending all weekend and all week at another man’s house after they begged him to come live with them at their house.

  7. Your credit is already done. Its within the manuscript.

    YOUR ARTICLE WAS SUCH AN EYE OPENER THAR I COMBINED MY STORY WITH YOUR ARTICLE TO SHOW EXAMPLES OF HOW ACCURATE YOU WERE.

    Thank you ever so much for your article (not the approval), because wgen my narcissist reads my book, SHE CANT DISPUTE WGATS WRITTEN ABS THAT SHES A NARCISSIST!

    I have a question, canyou call me? I left ny phone number in you email message

  8. Why dont they have remorse, sympathy…what is the composition of their brain? I am trying to imagine living without shame, remorse and failing.

    1. It is having no conscience Joseph, so they do actions, but don’t feel bad. They are unable to feel empathy for anybody else but themselves. They can fake it, but not really feel it. it isn’t there.

  9. Once Again, Here We Go Again…
    …this time with…
    “The Narcissist”!

    Before I begin this chapter, I wish to display my deepest “gratitude” to “Nikki Gillett” (known as “Positivagirl”) on her “Sociopath” website: “Dating a Sociopath” (https://datingasociopath.com). Her article: “Lack of Empathy, Guilt, Remorse or Shame” was shockingly eye-opening and informative”!
    It was this article made me aware of whom I was with; what I was dealing with; and how to deal with it. If you know nothing of Narcissism, I strongly suggest you start with her website; and shift your research to the other professionals I mentioned within this book. Of all the articles I studied on the Internet, this was the most dead-on, can’t be disputed intelligence that highlighted Lilith’s behavior that unveiled her Narcissistic Mask. This article was so important to me that I had to create a chapter dedicated to the information contributed.
    Therefore, with Ms. Nikki Gillett’s permission to utilize her copyright (which is something authors barely ever do – especially when their “ENTIRE” article is being utilized word from word), I’m going plot this book’s accounts within her article to make evident the deeds and actions of Lilith that fall under the article’s criteria of what a sociopath is. This is to demonstrate what I discovered; and what “YOU” may discover in your own relationship if you are unknowingly involved with a Narcissist.
    Remember, this book’s story was written “before” I even acknowledged Ms. Gillett’s article on what a Sociopath is; or what a Narcissist was; therefore, nothing is being fabricated out of favoritism.
    I pray to “God” that this book helps you as Ms. Gillett’s article has helped me.

      1. I provided you with the manucript and chapter (Narcissism) of how it was utilized. Each of the article’s quotes are separated by my narcissist’s behavior demonstrating what you said.

  10. I believe. I may be a sociopath. I am not defined, verbatim, as described in this post……. But many things do apply. I don’t want to expose myself more than necessary but need further classification. I do not have empathy… Especially for people I’ve never met ir emcoutered. Right and wrong are up to perspective. I do, on the other hand, find that I become …………….. “Attached” in some way to people (mostly women I am active with) or family.
    My son is the only person since i was a young child that I can empathize or risk me existance for.
    Am i becoming a sociopath or finding My way out of it …………. I cannnot say. But I need to know to be able to shape my destiny or fate / future…..whatever from hete forward. ……..
    Needless to say. I expect nothing from this….. It is merely a shot into The Abyss.
    Email me. …… ( if you own this site if you thinkypu may be able to clarify the situation.
    I wont say sorry ir thank you at this time because i feel you’d laugh it off as a mask any way which it may well be.
    Boted of this typing

  11. Is there a way for them to get better my kids father who I’ve been with for 4 years is this way and it hurts so much and he’s controlling and aggressive and I just don’t know what to do anymore he’s getting meaner and more and more selfish which I never thought possible.

    1. Hi Court, I am sorry you are hurting. It is normal to hold out hope that things can get better, but if he is a sociopath, there is currently no treatment that is effective, nor no medication. Nothing is going to change. The outcome would always be the same. IF he is a socio/psychopath, it is a defect in the brain. One caused in development (sociopath) and one caused wiring in the brain at birth (psychopath).

  12. I’ve read much about sociopaths, behavior, characteristics, the stare etc. What I haven’t read is whether they are consciencely aware of their behavior, or do they just feel they are normal and stronger, more superior than the average person.

      1. Yes, that post and many more on your web site answer many of my questions. I have read most, and re-read some. The subject content and responces are fancinating. I’m still trying to wrap my head around defining my relationship reality. She matches some but not all of the characteristics. Lack of remorse and regret for mean things said and done to me top the list. I’m trying to determine if it’s me be over sensative, over reacting or am I being played by a femAle sociopath.

  13. This article describes exactly what he was like. No conscience, no remorse, no empathy. If he did something unethical, it was my fault. After months of telling me he loved me every single day, within 2 days of our break-up, he was using someone new and half his age and he really hurt her. 3/4 weeks later we got together to talk, and he was loving, caring, etc. , then he suddenly says we can only be friends because his love is so small for me and that if he never saw me again, it wouldn’t matter to him. I am finally starting to let him go and see him for who he is. Also, there was constant gaslighting – trying to make me think i was crazy or suffering from dementia. No, I was suffering from lack of good judgement. I also realize that everything I did was to keep him happy, with total disregard for myself. Now, I am looking after me and my needs. I hope he gets what he deserves and that I never see him again.

  14. Thank you for writing this article. The pattern of behaviour described is precisely what I have been dealing with for years. It’s extremely toxic and if anyone else reading this is in a relationship with someone like what is described – my humble suggestion is to walk away. I believe that this is what’s today known as Borderline Personality Disorder?

    Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious, long-lasting and complex mental health problem. People with BPD have difficulty regulating or handling their emotions or controlling their impulses. They are highly sensitive to what is going on around them and can react with intense emotions to small changes in their environment. People with BPD have been described as living with constant emotional pain and the symptoms of BPD are a result of their efforts to cope with this pain.

    No matter what you have invested in the relationship, take my advice and walk away.

  15. Wow!!! I got chills reading this. This describes my wife so accurately it’s scary. I’m so depressed now and can’t believe I was stupid enough to have started a family with her. Actually to be more accurate she got her way, pregnant by accident my ass twice she did this! I just wanted to do right by her. FUCK!!!

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