The most incredible trait of a sociopath, is their complete lack of conscience, lack of empathy, remorse, guilt or shame. Sociopaths are great at feigning ‘moral outrage’, or playing victim, giving a false persona that has the impression of being truly empathetic and caring character. This, like most things with the sociopath, is merely for show. The facade that you see on the outside, has little resemblance to the reality that is going on behind the screen, well hidden, and only known by the sociopath themselves. They are the chameleons of society.
Lack of empathy, guilt, remorse or shame is one of the hallmark traits of the sociopath. It means that they can do practically anything, and then act as if nothing as happened.
What are you making a fuss about?
Sociopaths have no fear. They do not care what others think of them (unless it involves being exposed, which would affect their ability to con further). A sociopath can do and say the MOST outrageous things, and then act like nothing ever happened. Just like everyone else in society, all sociopaths are different and they all do different things but examples would be:
- Compulsive pathological lying (outrageous ridiculous lies)
- Deception and manipulation (conning)
- Cheating and infidelity
- Taking the victim hostage, and having full ownership possession and control (without them realising this)
- Living like a parasite
- Faking ‘love’
- Theft (includes theft of anything, money, your life, your mind)
- Threats, ruining and smear campaigns
It never occurs to the sociopath that the person that they are deceiving or cheating, has their own rights, mind, and that everyone should have the ability to make decisions for themselves. To the sociopath, what they need and want is of paramount importance, and anyone else, is there for the taking.
The sociopath thinks only of himself, and if he seems to be ‘helpful’ this is usually because he has his own agenda to achieve. If he wants something, he will make sure that he obtains what he wants by using whatever means he needs to. A sociopath will go to extra ordinary lengths to manipulate and deceive. Giving a false impression of who they are to the victim, to obtain whatever they want.
If you had something that the sociopath wanted, he could just take it for himself. He wouldn’t think about how this would make you feel, or your loss. All he would be thinking of, is achieving his own needs.
For most people, when we do an act which hurts somebody else, we feel guilt, we have regret, remorse and shame. The sociopath does not experience these feelings. He will only experience regret, if his actions have affected his own life, and therefore damaged himself.
In this circumstance, the sociopath will apologise and say ‘sorry’ but he is not sorry for pain that he has caused you, and your life, he is simply sorry for his own loss of supply, and lost opportunities. Also, saying sorry can keep you silent, and make you question what you already know. However, most of the time, when confronting a sociopath about their behaviour, you will be faced with
- False accusations
- Changing the subject
This lack of conscience, is beneficial to the sociopath
Rather than thinking about the impact of his actions on others, as most people think, he thinks how his actions will get what he wants. He is always thinking of himself, and of what he wants to achieve. The other person, is merely an instrument to be used.
A sociopath, has learned from an early age to ‘mimic’ feelings that other people feel, so he will act guilty, or say the words that they are ‘ashamed’ but only if his actions have caused loss of supply for himself. He never experiences the conscience to think of how his actions have affected someone else, for he is only capable of thinking for himself, there are some sociopaths, the disempathetic type, that can have empathy for those in his close circle.
The lack of conscience, can then go one further, to continue with the abuse by gaslighting. When you make complaint about what has happened to you, it is then made out to be YOUR fault?
- If they cheated, well it was your fault for how you treated them
- If they stole they deny and tell you have lost the item, or misplaced it, you are so scatty!
- If they have ruined by manipulation and deception, well it was because of x y or z
To the sociopath, nothing is ever their fault. There is always a reason, and that reason is often YOU.
The sociopath will, if you still have a source of supply that they want or need, apologise, and promise not to do these actions again. But as soon as his feet are under the table again, and you TRUST, your trust is once again betrayed, and they will repeat the same pattern again.
If this seems crazy, this is because it is crazy! These actions can be hurtful, painful, and make you think that you are losing your mind. If you think that it could get better and hang on in false hope, that things will improve. Let me tell you, it won’t the same pattern would repeat itself over again.
The sociopath plays on YOUR conscience
The sociopath has an advantage, in that he is able to operate by playing on what he does not have, but what you have – ‘conscience’. He will play on your own conscience. His actions are therefore deflected back to you.
- Will remind you of your moral responsibility
- Repeat back to you your morals
- Will accuse you of what he is guilty of doing himself to distract you
- Talk at a million miles an hour, so that you do not have time to think
- Have a fake sense of morality, and what you should be doing
How and why the sociopath repeats the same pattern of behaviour
Because the sociopath does not have a conscience, he is unable to make long term plans, and thinks only of his own needs, and how he can obtain his source of supply, he will after a betrayal make apologies and promise that he will not do these actions again.
Within a short space of time, the same pattern of behaviour re-occurs.
The reason that the sociopath does this is because, when he makes new promises, he is (to his mind) starting again and putting on a fresh mask. However, because he is unable to learn from past mistakes, his brain works on default, so when faced with a new opportunity or temptation, he will will cease this opportunity and act on the temptation.
What has happened in the past is forgotten, and he will repeat the same pattern of behaviour. This is because:
- He does not learn from past mistakes
- He is unable to have empathy for anybody else
- He does not experience guilt, remorse or shame for past actions, and any displayed are fake
- He is selfish and thinks only of himself, and his own needs
- The past is quickly forgotten
The sociopath therefore will repeat the same patterns of behaviour. He is not dictated by others feelings, or others welfare. He is only dictated by his own needs and wants. At the time of making promises to you to change, he might genuinely mean it. Due to losing source of supply. He means it because he does not want to lose this source of supply.
However, the sociopath does not miss opportunities, and if temptation were to come his way again, he would likely repeat the same behaviour, the mask once again slips, and it is round ???? of the same behaviour that has happened in the past.
This is because the sociopath is reacting to what is happening right now. Providing supply for his own needs. No matter how he gets this supply, and no matter who he hurts in the process.
Because he doesn’t think of long term consequences for his actions, and has a lack of ability to plan ahead, he doesn’t think of the consequences of his actions, and not having a conscience, it is unlikely that this will ever change, and patterns of behaviour will be continually repeated, it is not a case of if it will happen, it is when it will happen. Leaving the victim living in a state of anxiety and on edge waiting for the next drama which will cause disruption. This is about the only thing that is guaranteed and reliable about the sociopath, that indeed there will be further disruption. Not if, but when.
All rights resevered, copyright datingasociopath.com 2013
224 thoughts on “Lack of empathy, guilt, remorse or shame”
See “Donald Trump”
Ha yes!! 🙂
YES….I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING …HERE GOD I WISH I WOULD HAVE KNOWN THIS 2 YEARS AGO I WOULD HAVE SAVED MYSELF MUCH PAIN AND HURT: EVERYTHING I READ HERE FITS MY EX TO A “T”…..
Yes I know. Once i recognised the patterns i had to share it with others.
Positive Girl…this is Luv_Doctor who’s just about to release his newest book on Narcissism.
I sent you the manuscript in hopes that you APPROVE using your article because it was your article that made me aware that the woman I was dating was a Narcissist.
Engagement proposal on my TV show where she accepted the proposal while seeing someone else.
Would you kindly give me your permission to utilize your copyright?
Ha ok Andrew, yes that is fine as long as you acknowledge me Nikki Gillett as the author. I will look at your youtube video
Below is the EXACT wording in my book that’s dedicated to you; which will be released next week.
Once again, thank you for your permission to utilize your work to EXPOSE my Narcissist.
Chapter XVIII – NACARISSM
In this chapter, I will give you âMY OPINIONâ of what my relationship with Lilith was. Before I begin this chapter, I wish to display my deepest âgratitudeâ to âNikki Gillettâ (known as âPositivagirlâ) on her âSociopathâ website: âDating a Sociopathâ (https://datingasociopath.com). Her article: âLack of Empathy, Guilt, Remorse or Shameâ was shockingly eye-opening and informativeâ! It was this article made me aware of whom I was with; what I was dealing with; and how to deal with it. If you know nothing of Narcissism, I strongly suggest you start with her website; and shift your research to the other professionals I mentioned within this book. Of all the articles I studied on the Internet, this was the most dead-on, canât be disputed intelligence that highlighted Lilithâs behavior that unveiled her Narcissistic Mask. This article was so important to me that I had to create a chapter dedicated to the information contributed. Therefore, with Ms. Nikki Gillettâs permission to utilize her copyright (which is something authors barely ever do â especially when their âENTIREâ article is being utilized word from word), Iâm going plot this bookâs accounts within her article to make evident the deeds and actions of Lilith that fall under the articleâs criteria of what a sociopath is. This is to demonstrate what I discovered; and what âYOUâ may discover in your own relationship if you are unknowingly involved with a Narcissist. Remember, this bookâs story was written âbeforeâ I even acknowledged Ms. Gillettâs article on what a Sociopath is; or what a Narcissist was; therefore, nothing is being fabricated out of favoritism. I pray to âGodâ that this book helps you as Ms. Gillettâs article has helped me.
Thank you Andrew, good luck with the book sale 🙂
Which one is you Andrew? Are you the host?
I now realize what I am
Also – it is clearly genetic – I married one and hatched a daughter with zero shame, conscience, etc. Horrible. Best thing is I have cut her out of the will and my life.
I believe it is genetic My ex fiancé is a sociopath we were together for 7 years. We moved to be around his mother and grandmother. His grandmother raised him but he is exactly like his mother she is also a sociopath. I cannot. Describe the nightmare I endured. It was a double dose. They would get together and plan things against me. Every night he came home from her house it was a living tormented nightmare. Evil
Stupid… I would date DT before I would ever look at my ex…
Not sure if you meant to be funny, but your comment did make me laugh! 🙂
see Hilary Clinton.
Lol. Hillary Clinton came to mind.
Yes, just got out of a 5 year relationship with one of these assholes! Very damaging and they just plain don’t GIVE A SHIT who they hurt.
At least they wont be hurting you anymore. I was with a girl for almost 5 years and she almost sucked me dry. she even took away my daughter I haven’t seen my daughter for almost 3 years.
Everything she says is a lie. she cheated with many guys, she is unbelievably lazy and has no career aspirations. would leech off me for money so she can then lie and use my money to take guys out.
Best part is she’s someone else’s problem now.
I hope you get to see your daughter soon Rax.
No one cares m8
plot twist you’re the socio path who blames her for everything
Restrict and control those people(regardless of blood relations), as well as keep them far away from anything or anyone you care about. They cannot be cured.
Sadly, one of my brothers is this way. I only came to recognize it in recent years. He is also an alcholic and is capable of unspeakable meanness and vicious spite for which he never apologizes or shows any remorse. He is almost a carbon copy of Trump. He used to be my favorite. brother. No more. I am seriously considering cutting off all ties with him, He was a bully in the schoolyard, beating up other kids, breaking their bikes and toys and other delinquent behavior. He has an inflated false personality. I have grown to hate him. Of course he is PRO TRUMP to a sickening degree.
So very true and btw it’s very hard and almost impossible to break free from when you really have feelings towards someone who lacks empathy etc.
This is so true. I’ve known for weeks now that the man I love is a sociopath, have known from the very beginning that something was “not quite right” about him emotionally. At first I thought he was perhaps somewhere on the spectrum. He’s a genius too, so all this deception must be so easy for him. It was his brain that fascinated and attracted me, and ultimately it was his brain that destroyed us. Unfortunately, while I have broken up with him numerous times, I always go back. I still talk to him, though I don’t know why, I now no longer believe a thing he tells me. I don’t think he has a conscience, and I know he had no guilt, he’s said as much. But I have to say he’s never stolen anything from me, he’s never hurt me physically and has certainly had the opportunity, and he always honors the break ups, I’m the one who breaks the no contact. Luckily, he lives 300 miles away and I haven’t seen him in over two month. Still, after all that time, I should be over it by now, no? I feel like an addict.
Yes my boyfriend who i am still with for three years is 100% Sociopath,
i don’t know how to get out of this relationship because i still love him and care so much, i hate myself for this and wish i could get out of this nightmare.
I’m trying to end a five year relationship with the most horrible man. I got into this relationship way too soon. I should have worked on getting stronger. I didn’t realize I would need to be strong.
He was so charming. So cute and so damn funny. I thought we were in love. Pretty sure after the horrible things he’s done that I just replaced his wife and I’ve been paying for the hurt or their problem or something.
Once he looked me in the eyes and said.. “ I’d never do anything to hurt this relationship. I love you. “ that was before he threw himself at about 5 different women. Why am I still here. Because we used all of my money. Now he has a little and I have no place to live. I can’t believe I have literally given him everything I have. He loves me about as much as he loves a doorknob. And that hurts.
I have the same problem married to a man who has the same tendency fo 17yrs finally have the courage to put him out…I also have strang reason to believe he has being molesting our 6yrs old daughter ..I report him to CPS..they are investigating him
That is awful. I am presuming that right now he has no contact with your daughter? I changed your name for your own protection.
Yes he has no contact with her until the investigation is complete and they find it not to be him..she is autistic and can not speak
Oh gosh 😦
Don’t wait to put him out. Grab your child. Walk away. GO. Don’t look back. GET OUT. LEAVE. My mother stayed through FOUR children with a sicko who beat her and us and it destrpyed her and our lives from which we have never recovered. GET HELP NOW. Work on your own self esteem which has been damaged. Remember, there are plenty of nice men out there. Get out while you can with a legal restraining order and get professional help.
The author of this reading obviously has issues like many do against sociopaths. Although some points were true. The problem is most real sociopaths are genius. You might recognize one but he is not worried about that. Manipulation is just the beginning. It’s far deeper than that. Even you realizing you might of discovered a true sociopath the problem is you have already got to close and he’s already got what he wanted from you whether you realize it or not. Another problem is his angles of manipulating you are more advanced and they are based on using your conscious against you but that’s just one of the angles. Kind of like a good chess player only the sociopaths is ten angles ahead. Most of what he does he has many cover ups and he will take the facts out of the equations leaving if he gets found out on his plots there’s not much you can do to prove it. That was planned long before. In this case he covers his ass to avoid legal issues or even just to leave you confused. Sociopaths do mess up because no one person is perfect. Do not mistake all horrible people as sociopaths because there’s fewer true sociopaths then you think. One thing you can count on is sociopaths are truly there own worst enemy. sociopaths may not care about you but they care so much for themselves that they can never have enough and can never truly be happy. Sociopaths are vampires and I am sorry if you come into contact with one. When you do discover one my best advise is to cut your losses and run cutting off all contact. Good luck
My husband of 25yrs restarted using meth amphetamines after going through problems10yrs ago behavior was crazy blamed me for pushing him away calling a particular woman 11 yrs older than him after i confronted him said why can’t he have friends that’s all they are, i asked him what if i was doing what he was doing he told me i could have a friend if i wanted, after our Dr. talked to him 2 wks ago he told me that he wanted things o go back to normal, but i cant trust him then in a conversation we were having he tells me he has no regrets or remorse, hmmm….. Confused
Don’t go back…ever.
No NOT EVER!!
Why is it “he”
This was 2013 post. I was writing it to him. He was stalking and harassing me.
I dated a Sociopath. It was horrible. She was very beautiful, wealthy and successful. All the warning signs were there but like everyone else I brushed them off as me being too paranoid. She basically listen to exactly what I wanted in a wife and then she mirrored it. I could not believe that I had met “the one)”. It wasn’t until about 6 months that 1 day her mask came off. Luckily for me I hadn’t given her my complete trust and that I am 36 and quite intelligent. I critically analyse everything. At first I was in such an emotional cloud. How did someone so perfect just switch into this horrible manipulative monster who treated me like a stone in her shoe? How is that even possible. From being the most amazing communicator to being someone who wouldn’t answer her phone for days. The games and the out right lies. Pointing to the sky and basically telling me it’s red when it’s blue in a sense. I nearly lost my reality and nearly submitted my trust to her. Thank God I began reading and had the ability to step outside of my emotions and look at things from a logical point of view. She is an extrenemy and evil person and I am still over coming it. I am quite outgoing, popular and successful and I think she just wanted me to be associated with her to feed her ego but I am still am unsure. She also ended up being married with a child. I knew but I always thought if was over. This was obviously not the case. I couldn’t help but feel such deep sorrow for her child and husband. She has mentally dominated her husband to the point where he knows what she is doing and he allows it. After looking at photos I can see that his spirit has been crushed and that she spiritually and mentally owns him. It’s so evil. I am from the hood so when someone fukt with me I retaliate. I posted a status about her. Hit her where it hurts. Exposed her entirely. Everyone in my city knows me and I know it really affected her. I have no regret in what I did. She is a bad bad person. Sadly I still feel love for her. Which I hope fades in time. it has been almost 4 months since her mask fell off.
Sounds like a great book….
Example of how your copyright will be utilized for my upcoming book:
3. or playing victim
“I’m not denying my relationship with him or denying the part I played! I’m a victim too.”
6. Lack of empathy, guilt, remorse or shame is one of the hallmark traits of the sociopath. It means that they can do practically anything, and then act as if nothing as happened.
“It’s nothing to understand Angie why reck your brain. Why reck your brain to understand what people go thru in a relationship! It’s elementary! You become intrigued with a person and it’s a interview process like any relationship similar to a job and if the person doesn’t work out you end it!”
a) What are you making a fuss about?
“I don’t understand why you are so upset?”
7. Sociopaths have no fear.
Lilith is spending all week at the man’s house whom she’s sleeping with; thus leaving me all alone (her fiancee) in her house in Houston. Most women would be too afraid to come home and go to sleep in fear that a man would slice their throats in their sleep after spending all weekend and all week at another man’s house after they begged him to come live with them at their house.
It is ok, but you need to reference, is there any way that you can do that?
This describes my husband, except, he’s only apologized once and only once made a promise to never do it again, which I’m certain he has and just hasn’t been caught.
He’s done some horrible things and I’ve never understood how he would never apologize OR he would give a sarcastic apology. He has stated more than once that he doesn’t feel bad for what he did and that he has no remorse. He always says “that’s in the past “. If it happened 5 seconds ago, well, it’s in the past!
He cheated on me 8 years ago and has NEVER apologized for cheating. It has taken 8 years of my crying and begging that he at least apologize for the hurt he caused. He finally apologized, after 8 years, for the hurt it caused me, but has said numerous times that he does not regret cheating!
The traits of the Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist also describes him, especially the victim mentality, but this description of the sociopath is spot on, so how does that work? Is he a Sociopath with Covert Passive Aggressive traits ?
Yes. Read the video’s description to learn the story behind the narcissist.
Your credit is already done. Its within the manuscript.
YOUR ARTICLE WAS SUCH AN EYE OPENER THAR I COMBINED MY STORY WITH YOUR ARTICLE TO SHOW EXAMPLES OF HOW ACCURATE YOU WERE.
Thank you ever so much for your article (not the approval), because wgen my narcissist reads my book, SHE CANT DISPUTE WGATS WRITTEN ABS THAT SHES A NARCISSIST!
I have a question, canyou call me? I left ny phone number in you email message
I am in the Uk Andrew its 12.15am
Why dont they have remorse, sympathy…what is the composition of their brain? I am trying to imagine living without shame, remorse and failing.
It is having no conscience Joseph, so they do actions, but don’t feel bad. They are unable to feel empathy for anybody else but themselves. They can fake it, but not really feel it. it isn’t there.
Why? What makes them that way?
Psychopaths are born, sociopaths are made
I have been in a relationship with a sociopath, let’s call him Y, for 2 years. Things were good but there was one thing about him. He would never show me his phone. He always said his phone was his private space. I’ve had a relationship before him with another guy, let’s call him X, which did not work out. But I have learnt a lot in that relationship. I am a very emotional person when it comes to relationships so when Y mentioned that his phone is his private space and a relationship requires trust, i chose to trust! I did not want to repeat the same mistakes that I had done in my previous relationship. There was definitely something not right about Y’s behavior. I could sense it in my guy but I just chose to disregard my instinct. I’ve had a constant feeling that was killing me. The vibe when he slept next to me and the touch, oh god, my body just did not feel comfortable at all. I always had thoughts running in mind when he was around and he would say “stop thinking”! Until one day, he forgot his phone in my house and like I suspected, he was cheating on me with two other women the whole time. One who lives 300 miles away and one who works in the same place where I work. I confronted him but he never apologized and he never thought what he did was wrong. He said “give a pat on your back” that you figured all this out! I don’t know what got into me but in a few months, I chose to give it another chance thinking he would change and also because he said he doesn’t talk to anyone anymore. And that he loves me and I am very important in his life. Just recently, when I randomly checked his phone, I found out that whatever he said was all a lie and he still continued to see the woman, who lives far away, on the weekends. That woman was even planning children with him, apparently! I felt pathetic and reached out to her about my story. I am out of the relationship with him now. Funny thing in this whole story is that Y cheated on her twice just like how he did on me and she kept taking him back. He doesn’t reach out to me anymore as I made it very dirty already. However, I have this guilt somewhere and I don’t even know if it was necessary for me to reach out to the woman. I could have chosen a better way to handle the situation. I may have been impulsive. I don’t know. I am emotionally and mentally shattered with all this. Moral of the story, yes, Y is a terrible person and the first sociopath I’ve ever met. My experience has been really heartbreaking. It’s true that sociopaths believe in infidelity. They have a compulsion to lie and they are very strong on testosterone levels. They cannot help it. They do not have a heart. They do what they feel is beneficial for them. When i researched I found out that they do this because their frontal lobes are not developed. At the age of 6 and below if they were not treated right, they shut down their emotions which include empathy, guilt etc and that stops their frontal lobe development. There is a part in the brain which is called amygdaloid process which is responsible for feelings. That stops growing and they live doing all that is mentioned in the article because of that. They do not feel feelings. They are different from psychopaths. Sociopaths are harmless. It’s sad but true.
Once Again, Here We Go Again…
…this time with…
Before I begin this chapter, I wish to display my deepest “gratitude” to “Nikki Gillett” (known as “Positivagirl”) on her “Sociopath” website: “Dating a Sociopath” (https://datingasociopath.com). Her article: “Lack of Empathy, Guilt, Remorse or Shame” was shockingly eye-opening and informative”!
It was this article made me aware of whom I was with; what I was dealing with; and how to deal with it. If you know nothing of Narcissism, I strongly suggest you start with her website; and shift your research to the other professionals I mentioned within this book. Of all the articles I studied on the Internet, this was the most dead-on, can’t be disputed intelligence that highlighted Lilith’s behavior that unveiled her Narcissistic Mask. This article was so important to me that I had to create a chapter dedicated to the information contributed.
Therefore, with Ms. Nikki Gillett’s permission to utilize her copyright (which is something authors barely ever do – especially when their “ENTIRE” article is being utilized word from word), I’m going plot this book’s accounts within her article to make evident the deeds and actions of Lilith that fall under the article’s criteria of what a sociopath is. This is to demonstrate what I discovered; and what “YOU” may discover in your own relationship if you are unknowingly involved with a Narcissist.
Remember, this book’s story was written “before” I even acknowledged Ms. Gillett’s article on what a Sociopath is; or what a Narcissist was; therefore, nothing is being fabricated out of favoritism.
I pray to “God” that this book helps you as Ms. Gillett’s article has helped me.
What do you mean the entire article word for word? You mean you are just going to use the whole post? This post is an important part of my own book.
Am I confused here Andrew?
I provided you with the manucript and chapter (Narcissism) of how it was utilized. Each of the article’s quotes are separated by my narcissist’s behavior demonstrating what you said.
Give me some strength please someone 😥😥
Made by what?
It’s my understanding that they sustained damage, in childhood, to the paralimbic system of the brain.
I believe. I may be a sociopath. I am not defined, verbatim, as described in this post……. But many things do apply. I don’t want to expose myself more than necessary but need further classification. I do not have empathy… Especially for people I’ve never met ir emcoutered. Right and wrong are up to perspective. I do, on the other hand, find that I become …………….. “Attached” in some way to people (mostly women I am active with) or family.
My son is the only person since i was a young child that I can empathize or risk me existance for.
Am i becoming a sociopath or finding My way out of it …………. I cannnot say. But I need to know to be able to shape my destiny or fate / future…..whatever from hete forward. ……..
Needless to say. I expect nothing from this….. It is merely a shot into The Abyss.
Email me. …… ( if you own this site if you thinkypu may be able to clarify the situation.
I wont say sorry ir thank you at this time because i feel you’d laugh it off as a mask any way which it may well be.
Boted of this typing
Is there a way for them to get better my kids father who I’ve been with for 4 years is this way and it hurts so much and he’s controlling and aggressive and I just don’t know what to do anymore he’s getting meaner and more and more selfish which I never thought possible.
Hi Court, I am sorry you are hurting. It is normal to hold out hope that things can get better, but if he is a sociopath, there is currently no treatment that is effective, nor no medication. Nothing is going to change. The outcome would always be the same. IF he is a socio/psychopath, it is a defect in the brain. One caused in development (sociopath) and one caused wiring in the brain at birth (psychopath).
I’ve read much about sociopaths, behavior, characteristics, the stare etc. What I haven’t read is whether they are consciencely aware of their behavior, or do they just feel they are normal and stronger, more superior than the average person.
I think I have written on most topics on this site. Would this post cover the topic? https://datingasociopath.com/category/do-sociopaths-know-what-they-are-doing/
Yes, that post and many more on your web site answer many of my questions. I have read most, and re-read some. The subject content and responces are fancinating. I’m still trying to wrap my head around defining my relationship reality. She matches some but not all of the characteristics. Lack of remorse and regret for mean things said and done to me top the list. I’m trying to determine if it’s me be over sensative, over reacting or am I being played by a femAle sociopath.
What is always important. Is not who she is. But how you feel about you, when around her.
This article describes exactly what he was like. No conscience, no remorse, no empathy. If he did something unethical, it was my fault. After months of telling me he loved me every single day, within 2 days of our break-up, he was using someone new and half his age and he really hurt her. 3/4 weeks later we got together to talk, and he was loving, caring, etc. , then he suddenly says we can only be friends because his love is so small for me and that if he never saw me again, it wouldn’t matter to him. I am finally starting to let him go and see him for who he is. Also, there was constant gaslighting – trying to make me think i was crazy or suffering from dementia. No, I was suffering from lack of good judgement. I also realize that everything I did was to keep him happy, with total disregard for myself. Now, I am looking after me and my needs. I hope he gets what he deserves and that I never see him again.
Thank you for writing this article. The pattern of behaviour described is precisely what I have been dealing with for years. It’s extremely toxic and if anyone else reading this is in a relationship with someone like what is described – my humble suggestion is to walk away. I believe that this is what’s today known as Borderline Personality Disorder?
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious, long-lasting and complex mental health problem. People with BPD have difficulty regulating or handling their emotions or controlling their impulses. They are highly sensitive to what is going on around them and can react with intense emotions to small changes in their environment. People with BPD have been described as living with constant emotional pain and the symptoms of BPD are a result of their efforts to cope with this pain.
No matter what you have invested in the relationship, take my advice and walk away.
Wow!!! I got chills reading this. This describes my wife so accurately it’s scary. I’m so depressed now and can’t believe I was stupid enough to have started a family with her. Actually to be more accurate she got her way, pregnant by accident my ass twice she did this! I just wanted to do right by her. FUCK!!!
Remember, with this ‘lack of empathy, guilt, remorse or shame’…. this could apply to a lot of people – not just sociopaths.
Oh no….my close friend matches many traits. Is there a way he can come out (Given that he didnt know about him being a sociopath and really wants to come out of it).
Perfect description of Donald J Trump. I DID NOT VOTE FOR HIM. Shame on those who did.
Read this well. Donald Trump is not is not a Socipath. He may acted arrogant in his younger life. The man is truly a genius, he does not mistreat his wifes. Yes he has cheated , that is a liar, not a sociopath. I have lied we all have. I have lived with a horrendous socopathic husband for many years. I was going to leave I became very ill. Not a choice. God have mercy on anyone not leaving while you can. It is a cruel and wicked life. May Gods glory walk beside you give you faith strength and good health to leave while your body is well. Please be empathertic to you! God loves you, love yourself walk away and run if needed. Please please get out, leave! .
I think his behaviour is typical of narcissism not sociopathy.
Sociopathy is very often found in politics. Corrupt Judges fit in this category perfectly. In Sydney, NSW, Australia ex Chief Judge Jim SPIGELMAN, ruined so many lives, stole compensation, defamed victims of crime…than resign without showing any remorse. Victims are left to suffer till end of time due to his action and he enjoys in their money heavily protected by the system and politicians equally corrupt. I know this is of the topic, but going through “how to recognise a sociopath” i felt urge to acknowledge Jim SPIGELMAN.
more of this you can find on kangaroocourtofaustralia.com
Sociopaths have to find a job somewhere esp being 4% of the population…sadly with NO emotional IQ & often high IQs…they aim for jobs of POWER & CONTROL…that OFTEN means (besides corporate companies out for cash) legal & government positions & possibly the REAL reason ppl are losing FAITH in BOTH these areas…not understanding them having NO empathy. WELL…NOW we know.
Check out https://aasgaa.com & https://queenslandpublictrusteeexposed.wordpress.com/home
Worried what may happen to you when you age? Well this is what the govt’s world-wide are organising….declaring you incapacitated well before your time…take control of your assets & throw you into a home on drugs so you can’t argue…it’s happening NOW! Apparently the solution to the aging population…as there is a fast growing over-population right up their arse.
Hey, I have done it again! Left a socio in 2013. Been with my new gorgeous man since the beginning of 2018, knowing all about socios, he swept me off my feet. He now throws water at me in the night when he doesn’t like me answering him back when he tells me he rescued me from my scummy life. I gave up my house to live with him and he has been insulting ever since, grrrrr, so angry with myself. Back to positive girl again after a long break.
Oh no Rachel, I am sorry that this is happening to you. 😦
HI, and I thought I was alone, by the way i’am new still struggling to recover from my nightmare, may I ask dose the SOCIOPATH know who she/ he is, are they aware of what they are doing, or we have be sorry for them.
Hi read the post ‘do sociopaths realise that they are sociopaths?’ I am unable to link to it on the device that I am using.
ok I understand.
I see this very sexist, why is everything a he! I have this relationship with HER and SHE fits all the criteria that are pointed out
Because it is a post written in 2013. When I was ‘dating a sociopath’. Who was a man. Clue is in the title of the site.
Writing this in the context of a sociopath being solely male offends me. To the best of my knowledge of the 4% of the population that is sociopathic, 1.5% of them are women. You should learn to switch some pronouns to not belittle one gender.
This post was written 6th April 2013. Nine years ago. The blog started 2 months before this. When I was at that time, dating a male sociopath. Later posts are gender neutral.
This Article totally explains my father’s behavior. And my EX boy friend, the difference is I could dump my boy friend but how can I release myself from the pain he had caused me and my mother now that he is a not so helpless senior in his 90’s. I feel a strong tendency to blame him for all that my mother is suffering from. She is in her 80’s and it has been 10 years that she had suffered from stroke and she is losing her abilities everyday. Yet she is very conscious of her surrounding and wht is happening around her. She can not even talk anymore. communication with her is almost a guess game now. But I know as her daughter that she still cares about him first. I dont blame him for having affairs or spending money on totally strange women, while he blames my mother for spending her own money on herself and her children.
What is killing me is that he is in the same apartment and call these women and talks about her like she is a crazy woman with no compassion, while ;he spends 4 hours to make her breakfast before i wake up to do it. so it seems like he does that to justify what he does and thinks we dont see or hear. I have to keep all this to myself, I simply told him that he doesnt have the right to talk about her like that to any one. I didnt even bother to ask him who that bitch was. I hate him even though he was a relatively good father for me, I love him as my father but I truly hate him for being the husband that he was to my mom and never felt any shame about it. I also dont know how to deal with the time of loss if my mother goes first and I see him crying over her body like he was such a devoted husband. I dont know how to deal with that day, maybe I should go before both of them to never see that day. Does anyone in this world deal with a manupulative father like this, that has covered all his tracks to make himself look like the husband of the year!! I needed to vent all this. How can I ever trust a man. I am 50 and a lone wolf which is a whole other discussion. Thank you.
I don’t know what the answer is, with trusting another man. I think more important is to trust you.
It’s amazing how accurately this describes my ex, with one little change “he” to “she” and “his” to “her”. Hope it is not contagious for the kids.
This post was written a long time ago when I was still in the relationship. I was writing about a he. But it also fits for female type too.
As a clinically defined sociopath I find this website to be a deliciously informative resource. What better way is there to know how your victims will be thinking and what they will be looking for? That’s half the battle. Deviation from these observations will help me greatly and will reduce the chances of an observant target figuring me out. I thank you greatly, I will read this with care and consideration.
This is the terrible truth … and if u r a caring and giving person u r a easy target … my ex husband destroyed my mind my life my family … i got so sick … that even 10 years later i still have mental and psyical issue that prevent me from living a fullfilling life … The most terrible thing is that these traits were passed down to my children and they now r just like him and they dont even know it or understand it … ive had to distance them from my life because they r doing things to me that their father use to … but how do u just never talk to ur child again … how do u let go of them when u love them so much … and what is going to happen when they have kids … its a very scary cycle that is taking over the world … im so dumb that i replaced my husband with a best friend who also was a socialpath and i didnt even realize it for 10 years … now i have had to end our friendship and it has destroyed me … having my ex husband … best friend and my 3 children use and abuse me because i was so clueless to what a socialpath really was … this article helped me realize that yes i was dealing with sociapths all these years and that i am now in a better place without them to start my recovery menally and psyically … who ever u r … how ever strong u think u r .. if u think u can change them … stop … get out … run … u cannot change them … they will never change … they will continue to do these things to u till ur on ur death bed and beyond … u can not help them … nothing u say or do will change them ever !!!
I agree nothing you do or say will change them. The only things that changes is their story and their victims/audience members. Otherwise they remain the same. Am sorry that you are also experiencing similar with your children. That must be painful.
I just read the article and I never realized that was me. My husb left me for another woman a couple months ago. He met her & moved in that night. That article is me to a “T”. It’s scary. I did some things to him & like the article said I have no remorse. I thought it was because he was verbally abusive, a bully, he manipulated me. I see there is more to my actions. I am going to seek theraphy with hopes I will learn how to channel my feelings in a less destructive way.
Hi Karen, if your partner was a bully and manipulated you. You might have coped by having a numb response. Not feeling anything. This is our brains survival mechanism to cope. You might even feel that you are just like him. But, from what you say, I think that you could have just been surviving the abuse in the only way that you knew how. Unless you were like this before you met him?
I’ve been dating a sociopath for several years now. This particular person has all of the traits but is NOT diabolical. What I mean by this is she’s actually follows a moral compass. She doesn’t cheat and doesn’t do things behind one’s back. However, she never take responsibility any wrong doing. That is, she never does anything wrong. She will go to the ends of the earth defending every single thing she says and does. I should have know several years ago when she did actually apologize, one time. When I tried to expand on the issue at hand, she shut it down quickly and didn’t want to discuss it any further.
If you’re truly sorry, you’ll be willing to listen to the offended speak about the offense. Talk about it a little. Well, I let it go in that moment and figured I’d bring it up at a later date. About a week later I brought it up again as I didn’t feel resolve as the apology was quite hollow. At that point, everything was turned back around on me. It was because of something I had done earlier, that caused her initial actions. She has never apologized since.
She keeps me emotionally suspended. She commands all of the hallmarks of being in a relationship for her, but excuses herself from them. She gives me grief about liking peoples posts on social media. She has made me delete people for various reasons.
We have incredible chemistry and are so close in so many ways. Intellectually, spiritually, politically. I connect with her on so many levels. The one thing missing is that deep connection. You know, the soul to soul thing. It’s there sometimes. But whenever something magical happens, the next day will bring hell to pay. We do “OK” (not great) as long as I don’t push for that close connection. As soon as I push for a deeper relationship, things get really messy very fast. Now, she’s come right out and said point blank that she refuses to recognize shame and remorse. She very cognizant of this. She says it’s a waist of energy and everyone should ignore it. I personally have had a lot of personal growth due to the recognition and processing shame. One day not long ago, she slipped something so startling that I had to write it down.
She said: “I look for people who don’t pay attention to their surroundings. I take advantage by toying with them for my own personal pleasure. Until they finally figure it out and no longer want anything to do with me. Then I find new victims.”
Ever since I heard her say this, I can’t help but feel that I too am caught in this paradigm. Also, as I think about many many things over the years, this startling statement fits so many things like a cookie cutter. I’ve been with her for 7 years. I have left the relationship in the past only to yield to her relentless pursuit. She won’t leave me alone. I’ve blown her off for months and she’ll keep calling. Showing up at gigs when I’m in bands. It just cycles over and over. Everything is always a roller-coaster when we engage. I am madly in love with her and I’m now realizing that I’m just a toy to her. She actually referred to me and “her entertainment” in a conversation the other day. Her brother had some health problems and she told me when I expressed that I felt she was standoffish lately, she needed to focus on him and put “Her entertainment” (me) aside…
I now know I have to get out. I am crushed. I will get through this. But it’s really hard. We’re both in our 60’s… This is so hard. I’m heart broken…
I am sorry that you are hurting Woody. Has she caused destruction like a tornado in your life? Very clever, highly manipulative. They hide behind the mask of virtue. Whatever she is how do you feel about you when you are with her? Does she make you feel good or bad? Thankfully psychopathy is quite rare. When you meet one, you will know it, as they will utterly destroy you. But they are incredibly charismatic, so you wont have time to think or even to understand what is happening.
Thank you for your kindness and input. Sometimes it’s the most wonderful, incredible feeling. Usually followed by blow~back from hell. The goal post is in constant change. Just as I start to feel comfortable, the burn of the blow~back blindsides me. It’s so hard. But I have learned much about myself and who I am.
Sounds similar to addiction? Quitting smoking? Have you ever done that? Keep going. Only by keeping going will you heal, recover and it will get better. One day this will just be a distant memory.
I did quit smoking 21 years ago. As for this thing? I’m working it. I know your right. Actually, I’m in a good place emotionally. In the past I would have been completely devastated. But now, I do feel hope and anticipation for something wonderful. It all takes time.
I hope things are getting better for you woody. I was just going through the comments.
Thank you positivagirl! Things are much better. I am single but have re-found my center. I don’t feel off balance any longer. I’m accomplishing many things I need to do and I’m getting there. You know, that place where we are content. I have moved on. It’s funny, life is about moving on from one stage to another. Many times though, being in a relationship mires us in a certain place, and we don’t “move along” in our lives as we should. We stay in place so as to keep our selves aligned with commitments. So now, I commit to myself first. And am ready for life to come at me…
I love this. I am glad that things are going well for you.