Sociopath’s fear two things
Sociopaths do not have much fear. This is simply because they do not really care about anybody but themselves. They thrive on finding your weaknesses and therefore exposing your fears (although you will not be aware of this in the beginning when you are disclosing your fears to him) when he is playing Mr Perfect, and Mr Soulmate and Mr love of your life.
But sociopaths do fear. They fear two things.
1. Fear of losing control
One of the biggest fears for a sociopath is to lose control. Press their buttons, take away their control, and you will see the mask slip, and the melt down occur. A sociopath needs to have control over everything and everyone. Oh yes, they will pretend to be very laid back, life and soul and relaxed, but underneath this exterior is a simmering desire for control. The one thing that will make a sociopath ‘lose it’ is for them to lose control. They will do everything to keep control.
2. Fear of exposure
The second thing that a sociopath fears is exposure. He fears that people will find out who he really is. He will go to great lengths to cover for himself. A sociopath is capable of compulsive pathological lying, manipulation and deception. He will go to great lengths and be very creative to hide his real true self.
If the relationship has finished, and he fears that you will expose him. He will do all that he can to instil fear into you, so that you will not expose him. He will tell lies about you, conduct smear campaigns, make threats against you, and will even stalk and harass you. He will make out to others that you are crazy. He does this so that if you do report him to others they will not believe you.
Sociopaths do not fear much. But they do fear those two things.
- Fear of losing control
- Fear of exposure
Things that the sociopath will do to prevent exposure
- Move to a different location
- Compulsive pathological lying
- Manipulation and deception
- Being secretive
- Wearing a mask, and creating a false persona
- Smear campaigns and lies against you
Things that the sociopath will do to prevent losing control
- All of the above and (additionally)
- Isolate you
- Feed false information
- Gaslight you
You need to be aware of these two things. Because he will go to great lengths to ensure that he does not lose control, or get exposed for who he truly is. He will not care who is hurt in the process. Protecting himself, and his own needs, is most important of all. A sociopath only truly cares for his/herself.
Why do sociopaths fear losing control?
The sociopath fears losing control, as it is the one thing that keeps him focused. Because the sociopath has a lack of life plan and goals in his own life, he needs to control your life. Remember that the sociopath sees YOU as the source for supply, ordinarily a person provides for themselves, and if they are generous, they provide for others too.
A sociopath is different to this. To him you are the source for his own supply, so he fears losing you, and therefore losing his supply. Which would mean that he would need to start again. This is why the sociopath tries to retain control at all costs. You will notice the things that he will do to keep control. He will say things which will hold you back, or keep you attached to him (see above), he has to keep control of you, to have any sense of control over his own life.
To the sociopath, they see you as somebody that they own. Not only, that they own, but additionally, you are a part of them. This is why they feel jealous, possessive, paranoid, because they fear losing control.
Why do sociopaths fear exposure?
Sociopaths fear exposure because they are accepted by people because of their charismatic charm. This is how they win people over, by manipulation, compulsive lying, and deception. They are chameleons and are capable of being anything to anyone, dependent on what the person wants. The sociopath is the master of illusion.
If you were to expose him, he would lose control, and wouldn’t be able to deceive other people, others would be suspicious of him, and if things were not to work out with you, he would find it more difficult, or more work, to find an alternative source for supply.
The sociopath likes the easy life. To live off of others, to get things for free, to have others do the work for him, and provide his supply. If you were to expose him, he would lie, and would discredit you, say anything about you, to remove the likelihood of being exposed. He would say things like ‘you are crazy’ or anything else that he could say, to show himself in a good light, and you in a bad one.
It is never a good idea to expose a sociopath. As the outcome would be lies, smear campaigns, and it would be your own good name which would be ruined.
It might be a temptation, if he has gone off with someone else, to expose him to the next person to ‘save her’ but this would likely backfire on you. As the sociopath, in defence of himself, would only say the most awful things about you. Whilst the sociopath does fear exposure, it is probably not a good idea to actually do this, as the sociopath would retaliate, it really would backfire on you and cause further damage to your own life.
Words © datingasociopath.com
108 thoughts on “What does the sociopath fear?”
Hello Positivagirl, Today my son James called me and told me that his dad went back to medium security today and was put in segregation. My husband was in medium with my son, but when it gets closer to their release date they are transported to the mimni,um securoty building. HI cant help but feel responsible I feel he had a meltdown because he llnows he lost comtrol. He never ever got into
May I just say as a sociopath there are things this article didn’t mention. And please no hate, I know you’re all skeptical, but I’m just here to provide information and better understanding and that’s absolutely it. I hate conflict.
Sociopaths are created, as products of abuse, environmental stressors, bullying, and such other things. By enabling stuff like that, you allow them to exist. Psychopaths are the ones who are both the way they are. And let me just say that not all psychopaths and sociopaths necessarily want to control, kill, out hurt you.
Like most everything, it all depends on the individual themselves. I actually don’t like to be disturbed, and don’t like conflict and human interaction, irl, and try to avoid it if I can, even though if I want to I can excel at it. And another thing, they can most definitely feel empathy. But that’s only if they’re a high functioning sociopath, and it directly relates to them or their beliefs, personal preferences, etc. But they don’t feel sympathy, maybe pity. They can definitely have working relationships, friendships, and family bonds. They experience LACK of emotion, they’re not devoid of it.
I know using myself as an example won’t stand for everyone, but neither does this little box that people are classifying them in. I personally have people I legitimately view as friends, nothing else, even tho at times I may manipulate them to get something. But it’s usually something like food or a couple dollars because I’m poor. I want control over my own life, and freedom to do what I want, which is why I don’t like being around others. I’ll be nice to you as long as you’re nice to me. Also, I don’t kill or torture others, I never have. I’m 19 peeps.
There are 2 reasons I’m telling you these things:
None of you know me, and will most likely never meet me in your lives, so I can reveal this info free of ridicule, and I was abused to this state, combined with environmental stressors, and from the empathy that I have that directly relating to me, and looking at it from a logical and psychological standpoint, as much as there shouldn’t be things like me, people shouldn’t let them be created.
So here’s how to prevent or lessen the amount of the ones in the future:
STOP SLEEPING WITH BADBOYS. The traits bad boys display are perfectly synonymous with sociopaths, and their genes can be passed on to the children, hence the saying “don’t breed angry animals.” They’re exploitive, aggressive, apathetic, and domineering. Sound familiar?
Stop enabling abuse, rape, molestation, etc. By enabling that, you allow the conditions for another sociopath to be created, because if they have a strong will, that will be their defense, to stop caring about all life, lose emotion and humanity, and some may even perform the same means of abuse on other victims, continuing the cycle.
And sometimes you can find a place for them in society. The ones who take management positions, and corporate positions have found places where they can fit into society. And while maybe they make your life hell(or not), be glad they’ve found a place to fit in, and aren’t the next Jack the Rippers, or Unibombers.
At the rate sociopaths are being created within out modern society, the structure of society is being ruined and order is being lost, hence what’s happening with “the war on cops.” I hate lack of structure and order, because it puts everything in disarray. If this keeps up, the human race will drive ITSELF extinct.
Also, even if you met me irl, there’s no reason to even be weary. I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to “control” I’ll most likely not even care about or want anything to with you in general. So just take this info, and use it to get a better understanding, and help prevent this shit ok. You’re welcome.
Thank you. Fuck. I’m tired of people writing about subjects they don’t understand. You get it. I mean I hurt people but that’s because I’m a serial monogamist and a sociopath. Its an unfortunate combination but the bullshit in school is what ultimately created me.
Thankyou Elijah for your comments in this thread. I am an empathic type who has been hurt by narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths a hell of a lot, but has been finding info and people lately telling her it might be so much deeper than just an explanation of ‘they’re evil’. The insight given by yourself and other sociopaths in this thread help me to let it go. It is what it is, we’re both the victim of unfortunate circumstance here. I feel a lot less angry now. I hope that one day the human race can evolve and mature to the point where we will be able to offer a cure those inner struggles faced by sociopaths.
Me too in a way stacey. I always appreciate imput of sociopaths here. Often the best insight on the site.
Hey man if you dont feel the need to control or abuse others or have a purpose in life for yourself its save to say you are not a sociopath! U are just a victim for all the abuse that happened in your life to you. Im sorry that im taking the title you choose for yourself but go live your life dont box yourself into sociopaths. Have fun, i know its hard to accept but move-on
I think you are aware enough, young enough and still in a place where you may be able to get some help through Psychothreapy.
As a survivor of narcissistic abuse to the highest degree I am very careful not to interact with toxic types but would definitely hope that someone like you on the lower end of the spectrum could really benefit and have a better chance at fitting in with society if you sought help this early on in your life.
I fully agree with not creating sociopaths, This society is unaware of the damage it creates, particularly parents.
Some people are not fit to have children and should plain be stopped!
So yes I was bullied growing up by any and everyone in my life. From my family to my peers and in doing so they created me, a cold-hearted individual with no desire to to love or feel for anyone. To be honest there have been times where I wish that I knew how to feel what other people feel but alas the steps were never taken. Which brings me to this point in my life where embracing it seems to be more appealing than working on getting help. What should one do in the position that I’m in? Clearly the answer is not there but my “mask” as some say is cracking reveling the true Me. You are right you are the company you keep.
Thank you for posting this comment. I have been recently diagnosed with sociopathy or anti social personality disorder and I am 27 years old. I have been told that they are created and not born. I am not trying to gain sympathy, I don’t much care for it nor is it needed. I am simply trying to state and/or prove a point.
I don’t know if I am classified as a “high functioning” sociopath, but my desires are’t all that dark. I don’t want to hurt people. Or rape them. I see the law as something I must obey because it seems convenient. Not because it’s “right or wrong”. Breaking the law brings attention to myself, and I don’t like attention. I like to be left alone for the most part to do the things I enjoy.
Most of my emotions are muted, whereas others are enhanced. Anything resembling my childhood/young adult life trauma may affect me emotionally (primarily, anger). It doesn’t last long and it doesn’t linger in my afterthoughts. I have children whom I adore, though I do admit that I view them as mine and as my possessions. Same goes with my mother and father. I may not love them as “normal” people would love their parents, but I have a lot of respect and loyalty to them. They helped me get through most of the hard stuff in life. I was always isolated and different as a child so I didn’t have many friends growing up, and those that I did make, we all went our separate ways and never bothered to keep in touch.
Everywhere I look, the posts say “Keep away from these people or creatures!”, like we aren’t even human. We think less with our hearts and more with our minds. I enjoy the things that make me happy. I don’t like things that annoy me. As far as normalcy goes, we are much the same. We just don’t feel the same as you.
I understand some people have an axe to grind with sociopaths because of their very own experiences with them, and that’s fine. Just do not classify us as a collective. I like to live my life in peace. Tormenting people and ruining their lives isn’t fun for me. It brings unwanted attention, speculation and a chance to be discovered.
Thank you for sharing your experiences Mar. I have written a lot about what you explain. The ruining i think comes because you can. Because someone pissed you off. And you dont feel bad about teaching them a lesson that you think is deserved.
How did you become diagnosed as a sociopath? What about pathological lying being manipulative and deceptive. Do you not think that behaviour is bad and causes disruption to others lives.
I became diagnosed as a sociopath when I started attending my therapist. I have never visited a therapist nor have I ever believed that I needed “help” in any way. However, I must keep up appearances and show that I am a contributing member of society even though I don’t really pay attention all too much.
I am a liar. I will not hesitate to lie right in your face without even a single second thought. I only tell the truth when it simplifies matters or is relevant to the discussion at hand. Manipulation is a big part of my life too. I will often manipulate people to get either money or sex. The conquest is always fun. I will manipulate girls, tell them things they want to hear and when I win them over I get bored and move on to someone else. I have two “friends”, for lack of better word, and I mainly keep them around because their company is pleasant and they give me free weed. As for it being bad and disruptive? Not to me.
Wow, thank you! You’re 19? The piece you wrote is very informative and I would have guessed, written by someone with more years behind them. I think my sig other shows these traits.
Thank you Elijah Bailey for what you have said my ex is a sociopath / pyscopath and ive been left wondering so many things after i was discarded and have never been able to get much understanding why my ex delibrately did some extremely damaging things to me, ive wondered what pleasure he got from doing them. The supposed experts all tell me all pyscopaths have zero conscience zero empathy etc so helpful you share your prospective thank you
You’re so right, about what you’ve said about sociopath.
I’ve encountered one personally. Even if they want to love they are incapable of it. They’re nothing but this deep down coldness about them. It’s a disorder.
I don’t blame the individual that I dealt with for what he done to me, (won’t go into details ). It seemed as if he was giving me some type of hints in what he felt, but didn’t specifically say it in words. My heart goes out to the individual, because I know there are some deep dark things that has happened or experienced in there life that no one may know about.
As the individual I dealt with would say to me is “THEY DID ME AND MY FAMILY VERY WRONG,”then said “I LIKE THE POWER, AND DON’T WANT TO LET GO.”
I didn’t understand at that moment but as time went past I came to realize and see the signs that there’s something wrong with him. But yet I wanted to stay and help him through it, even when I started to do research on his behavior and his action, I still wanted to help, when I knew that there is no cure to the disorder. “ONLY GOD HIMSELF CAN SAVE THEM.”
I never feared him, even when he did what he did to me. I even left a bible behind in his small enclosed place where he feels most powerful at, inside of his incubator. I gave him questions, the ones in which he would do to me. It became so silent, yet he jumped to a subject of saying kind things as if nothing happened. I again said do you know you are a sociopath? He responded by asking me am I calling him a Sociopath, and I replied NO! that’s what you are. He got very quiet.
He ask me if he could have the last dance with me, and I replied you know I could never ever be with you or around you again. He responded by saying remember that I love you. I replied I love you too, but you are incapable of loving, feeling of even comprehending what love is. Your love is like the dark the inability of comprehending the dark. Once again it draws a silence from him. He then sends me a song “I AIN’T MAD AT YOU!, and I in return send him a song “I AM FREE ( I WAS A PRISONER). He send what was to be his last text to me by say: “I love you…after this! you will never he as r from me again. So here I am.
Hope this help you to see death of me, into my seven deadly sins into the life of a Sociopath.
I shouldn’t laugh at the slinging of songs. It isn’t funny. But you know, you will have no peace while you continue to dance with him. Believe me, he could dance forever.
You saying anything about genes goes against saying anything about abuse!
The nature vs nurture debate has gone on for decades. They used to blame the mean or cold mom for autism and even schizophrenia. Always the default thing to blame the mom when get kid has problems. AND THAT IS A TRAIT OF PSYCHOPATHY TO BLAME. TO DENY ANYTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU AND PLAY VICTIM! And you are great at turning the tables on your victims! The lies that your own mom abused you are ….a great way to gain control. Fooling so called “professionals” and the best way to get sympathy awww. Yah some people are abused but I know damn well my son was not and he is exactly like his “dad” who he never once saw.
Thank you Elijah.
Just a thought I tend to expose so she’ll pass in my life to target me because I am a people pleaser unfortunately I have a lot of empathy and I care too much what other people think I’m working on it. Anyway I didn’t realize my ex was a Socio path until we broke up this last time and I told his current girlfriend .. I warned her .. and I think the reason my ex rly left is losing control of me. I knew who he was and he couldn’t fool me.
and I’ve also had a stalker , an ex friend who is a sociopath, and I told the police and our old friends . he has done anything to keep control .. and of course tried to ruin my name no one believes him. I’m actually a little afraid of that one .. but anyway I’m sharing because this says don’t ever tell on them.. why ? I guess because some of them are dangerous.. ?
Sorry fr the typos! Forgot to proof read . I meant I expose sociopaths who* target me
It is important to stand strong and not be intimidated by them. They thrive on your fear.
Sorry fr the typos! Forgot to proof read
Because they will do everything to prove that you are crazy to protect themselves. Will use this in their favour. It really depends how close and loyal those around you are. Remember they drive you crazy and are excellent at playing the victim.
I think a psychopath is born in the genes no therapy helps except to make them smarter in understanding their next victim.. and is capable of killing the object vs losing it… scheming about how to get away with it real survivors and a sociopath is more likely to respond tho therapy depending on awareness or desire to be helped… a long process
I was nearly killed multiple times by a diagnosed psychopath … for the grace of God and my siblings doctors friends and the police I’m alive… Charming yes… until triggered
Any trouble before. Not speaking to him for a yr, and then that phone xall the other day which lasted one minute and fortyfour secs. I think it got to him. He was xoming home on wednesday and blew it. This isnt like him. Now I feel fuilty and know I shouldnt. Peace…
I definitely see how they fear losing control at all cost trying to maintain it. Exposure to them is ghastly because once you unpeel those layers and get to the core(and not just the mask but the heinous things they do) it’s scares the shit outta them what other people will think of them. What they do to us and what we discover about them is just the tip of the iceberg. But what if beyond those layers lies some really ugly, heinous, illegal things?? Like child endangerment, statutory rape, illegal tax filings, drug trafficking, etc things that could land them in jail? I think those things which they thrive on getting away with and think to possibly get caught is really what scares them the most. I think what they do to us is one thing. But if we all went a little deeper, we’d all be shocked to see what we may find. They’re a lot nastier than we perceive at the first busting.
Bluegal….i get chills when i think of the things he has said about me. Im sure they are far worse than i know. When we got back together,he had to “reintroduce” me to his kids cuz of the things he said. Ive been engaged to the guy! And get this….im not allowed to attend his son wedding. I thought to myself at first….okay,im gonna take the high road,he caused this,not me….than i could tell he was struggling with it…..than broke up withme,stating…he was being forced to choose between his family and me. I looked at him and said…its that bad,you are a 47 year old man,and you smeared me that bad your family is intervening?!?.?!? I can once in my life say….i did nothing wrong for his kids and xwife to hate me….so as i said….its gotta be some outrageous lies. He emailed me the other day saying it was “mostly” his fault and he regrets it. I wanted to puke.
I was married to a sociopath for 42 years and divorced him. He told everyone for years even our 3 kids that I was crazy and make things up and lie. I found out that he was molesting every little boy in my family and a few in his. Thhey were all to scared to tell on him. Still alot of people believe I’m crazy and making this up. I believe he molested our kids too but they won’t tell. Now I’m isolated from people because they either think I’m crazy or are afraid of him. He has beat up 9 different men in my family and gotten by with it.
Thanks for this comment. I recently found out my ex SP, is indeed, a SP and a pedophile. Liked little girls feet age 3-11. I found a website that had pictures taken by him…. I knew something wasn’t right with him, but when you say the tip of the iceberg you’re absolutely right. Exposing him did NOT help. It does make things worse and hurts you more because on one side he’s putting on this act that he’ll get help and he loves you, on other he’s spreading lies and constitently gaslighting. I told his family and they did nothing. I was gaslighted and isolated even before he was exposed. He’s admitted to being a sociopath.
I just wanted to really put an addition to your point that sometimes there is WAY more to a SP then you ever want to know. But the truth has been the most liberating thing, and the most real thing I’ve felt in months, maybe years. I dated the SP Pedo for almost 3 years.
After 20 plus years with a sociopath – (he is an extreme – they are not all like this ). I am an RN who works in psychiatry.
You nailed it tho- I dug in my computers and phones and uncovered more than I bargained for. he is out to destroy me because I have the knowledge of who he has become.
The only heed I warn sociopaths is be careful with the thrill of success of getting what you want at the expense of others. It is addicting and self harm in the end.
My x kept going higher and higher to screw people and businesses over. He works for the largest company in the world and the secretes I hold onto and what he has and is doing – could cost me my life (if he feels I will expose those dark layers)
. Even understanding personalities with my job and loving people for who they are (I am far from perfect with my wonderful ADD). I struggle to find a way to convince him to just leave me alone and I have no interest in his corrupt ways and what he has and is doing to others _ SEEMS impossible. I want peace. But I do know there is always a dance with every conversation and his need to control it. He can have that control as it means nothing to me.
So my knowledge for the honest and self aware Sociopaths who have written in and help us understand you guys (greatly appreciated). I want to supply you with knowledge.
Your perceived fear of exposure is amplified. the people who you convince and manipulate – honestly just want to move on. We don’t care about taking you down and exposing those layers. I promise! The dark layers are yours. Do not go crazy over trying to destroy manipulate and control someone over the exposure part.
Let us get over our initial anger – we then don’t want anything to do with it. But you feel complied and fear that we will expose. Most of us – are truly done and don’t want another minute of it.
The sociopath personality has some great traits – I sincerely mean that!
I find they are fascinating with great knowledge and want to share it with you. If you have similar interests with them – they are the most fun to hang with.
Greed and power are the root of all evil for any personality.
it is just tougher as a sociopath because the lack of empathy for others and it then becomes a high.
I completely exposed my sociopath a few days ago……I have done it before. I am a little scared of the outcome, but it was th sonly way I could see him for who he is and walk away…….Reading this, I am now really worried? I have tried to leave him for more than a year, this way I know i could actually do it…….I didn’t plan it, it just presented itself……and I went with it.
He is now without me as his source and I presume his new source is not too happy with him either….Although I think he will be able to convince her. I hope he focuses on getting his needs met and not on me. He has quite a temper and I live a few blocks away. I have no contact with him, have blocked everything I can……
He has never been physically violent.
Please advise me?
Thank you for this site/
The simple act of not giving a fuck will wreck there head as they have then lost Control of you….. it’s simple but effective. But you have to feel and belive thus. No matter what happens to you or what he does you simply do not give a fuck.
It can be your mantra.
Thankyou so much. I just needed to hear those words from someone else. That is exactly what I am doing right now. It’s taken me over a year to take a don’t give a fuck attitude but my life and future depend on it.
Good for you. Just KEEP the “NO CONTACT”……steer clear of him. They never change. Read. “Psychopath Free”. A good book!! You’ll see yourself and him there on every page.
My husband turned on me for selfish reasons and not to mention the fact that I hurt him drastically. He has/is slowly destroying my life behind the scenes.
As I read this article and responses, everything I have read about a sociopath matches him to a “T”. Now I can really understand what kind of man I married. I can’t mention all that’s been done but it is a cruel form of revenge.
I can’t imagine that he loves me even though he says it and acts very loving towards me but after this article, I know it’s just another lie to add in the black pot.
I don’t know what to do because like the article says, nobody would believe me and that had been proven right.
Any ideas would be helpful.
i have a continuos battle with my ex and his mother. Both lied to family services to get my child removed. I self medicated. They removed my child. Now my son nine months. Has a father that has slandered me through Facebook. His mother is a game player. Using tit for tat . My ex and I have Dvo on each other. All gaslighting its my fault for everything he owns nothing. They get any bit of evidence of a phone call from me goes to court. I spend my life in courts. He spat on me called me a fat bitch. Called me the stalker. Though everyone loves him. His behaviour towards me is aggressive. I am left suicidal with anxiety. Too afraid to leave the home.
Hi Cat, welcome to the site!! What an awful situation you are in.
So lets look at the things that you CAN change (you can’t change them) and the more you give energy to it, the worse that you will feel.
Can I ask, why was your son removed? Do you still have contact with him? Is there any chance that you can get him back? Was the order temporary or permenant and who does your son live with now?
Do not contact them. Do not send texts, do not call them (unless they have your child and you have to) if they have your child, does your child have a social worker? Can you liase with social services (or whatever it is called where you are?) Sorry for lots of questions, I am just trying to establish what your situation is.
My father died 3 yrs ago from cancer left my mom 2 million dollars .. 8 months ago as we all encouraged my mother to start dating which she did to a legit widow chasing predator … He has ripped my entire fsmily apart demonizing me my sister and my wife the only three named in the will if my mom dies… I saw rt through this person as he told lie after lie that did not add up .. Upon questioning him my life was forever shattered as he brainwashed my mom my best friend into hating amd fearing me for no reason along wit my moms side of family… Doing some research i found his last maraige and those kids 8 to be exact that are convinced he killed her but cant prove it took 1.7 mil and 6 houses within 2 yrs of meeting her as well as kickin a 15 year old out on the street amd telling the her mother she ran away …. I need help in trying to expose this psychopath
My son and brother did this. My son never came home. They fooled everyone. And My son WAS BORN THIS WAY. THIS PAGE NEEDS TO CORRECT THIS OUTDATED NOTION THAT PSYCHOPATHY IS LEARNED ONLY.
NO WAY. MY SON HAD PROBLEMS FROM BIRTH. HE CREEPED PEOPLE OUT AND HAD MASSIVE TANTRUMS.
Stop self medicating. Grow up, walk the straight and narrow and get your child back. Then MOVE!! Change your name and have a GOOD LIFE!!
Have you ever heard a sociopath vent? Have you ever spoken to one’s about how they really feel, and instead of them lying to you, they trusted you enough to explain the real difficulty in their lives? Sociopaths are empty human beings, deep inside they lack all of emotion and truly do focus 100% on themselves. Sadly, even they can convince themselves that it’s not true though. Many sociopath have an brief periods of a depression like state when they evaluate their life and realize that nothing matters to them. Nothing in this world really matters at all actually. Whether that’s day by day activity, family, or their own life. They feel as though nothing has value. AND THEY HATE THAT. They don’t understand why they can’t feel the same way others do, and this is why they have what I like to call “False feelings”. Very intense stages of passion, or anger, but as soon as the sparks turn into something less passionate they turn to their true careless selves. They will constantly look for anything to prevent them from being bored, and will become strongly addicted to things that make them think often because they are very restless people, they will become strongly addicted to things they excel at because this makes others look up to them and they strive for that power because they have an internal problem with not feeling important, even if they don’t admit it. Sociopaths will do things on impulses that are so spontaneous nobody in the right mind would take these risks because they know the consequences. Sociopaths know these as well but they can’t help themselves, and as soon as they make these decisions they start thinking instantly about how to fix or cover that up. I know these things because… I am a sociopath. I have been my whole life. I remember being a child sitting in the corner of my bedroom looking at the sky and thinking how pointless life is and how there is no meaning to it, that emotions are false tricks of an overactive brains that humans have, but really we are no different than any other species that evolved from coincidence of different gasses and chemical compounds forming together to create the perfect atmosphere for life, but what if that never happened? It has no meaning. Just like when you squish a bug, do you think about the fact you just killed a living organism? That being said I will make it clear that I would never physically harm another human being or animal. I realized that even though none of life actually matters the fact is that I along with every other animal on this planet has this opportunity called life so make the most out of it. But, I am an empty shell. When I was much younger I struggled with the idea of emptiness but I have slowly adapted as I grew, accepting reality because it doesn’t matter. I have the power, and ability to 100% control my emotions and my surroundings. All emotions are is a natural reaction to an event or situation that has happened, it’s all in your brain and your brain has the capability of turning it off. Just.. do it. Yet at the same time I strive to be with a woman, and after a year of thinking I’m madly in love I’m sick of being with this person and I can literally convince myself and her that she was the reason the relationship was ruined. It’s happened multiple times. I’ve cheated and never felt guilt. The only thing that has ever gotten to me is not knowing what’s next. Sleeping in a car, working 80 hours a week to keep myself from being bored and losing it. Yet everyone I talk to I can make myself feel like a victim and there are at least 10 places I can go to sleep, and if I can’t stay at one of those I’ll go to someone else’s place, the entire time being able to maintain my image. I HATE being this way.. the person I am, is who I am though. My current boss has a degree in psychology and he actually said to me one day that I show serious signs of being a sociopath because I was able to lie to his face, and convince him, when he has had years of schooling and military training to spot body language. I’ve never understood myself or why I’ve felt different, so I looked up information on this and it hit everything. I of course laughed my boss of and told him he was funny, and created another lie to explain why I lied and I just must have been convincing, but I hate being this person. My whole life I’ve just wished that I could be like normal people just so I could experience the love or happiness others do. Instead I just fill a hole with booze or temporary lust, and it makes my life crazy I admit. Although, it’s not crazy to me, because I just take one day at a time and it doesn’t change anything.. but if there’s one thing I do know is that I wouldn’t want this life for anyone else. I don’t want my life to be hard nor would I want to make others. I am a sociopath, absolutely, but never have I had intentions to hurt others even though I definately could have if others have known the things I have done. That’s why I lie at least……. recently I have had a baby, and the last thing I want, or think I want is to ruin her life, but I left her mother because of all of this. Also, I would never say these things to anyone if they were to find out who I was it would make things more difficult for me and I’m not going to let that happen of course haha. But for those people who are looking for advice about people who are sociopaths, you have 2 options, do what they want and make them happier even though they can be leeches and suck the happiness out of you, or get them out of your life. They’re sociopaths, they’ll get what they want very quickly. I think, for anyone in a relationship that thinks they are possibly dealing with a sociopath, if you really want to get over him, you have to tell him you want nothing to do with him anymore. Beware though because they will try very hard to keep you involved, it’s hard for them to cut off another source, but if you go to serious extremes then they will. Also, they need to find another person before they leave you alone. They absolutely will ruin your life, and it’s not intentionally to hurt you but it’s because they’re attempting to look for a new source or a way of survival that they can continue life without changing their ways.
Do you know what I don’t understand though. Ok, you don’t have the normal range of emotions. I accept that. What I don’t understand is why you make everything that is good – bad? Why do you just be so destructive? What is the point of that? Why be so hurtful? What is the point? He knew that I knew who he was. I accepted him, despite all his special brand of crazy. But the need for control, was counter productive, it made me boring, made our own lives, empty and shallow. I ended up depressed, what was the point of that? He sucked the life out of me. Now I am sure he is sucking the life out of someone else. Well of course he is. From texts declaring love and that he wanted to be with me forever, when I didn’t reply he told me about someone else ….. lol…. I just laughed.
I have never read anything like this I found your honesty about you dishonesty fascinating. I would like to hear more as I have been seeing a sociopath for over a year hence why I am on this site.
You are still with him Julia? Read through the posts written in 2013 and early 2014. It explains what they are doing, if you are on facebook, I update there daily too.
It annoys me greatly that the Article ‘what does the sociopath fear’ is focused on male sociopaths (and that this article was the first to pop up when searching ‘is it bad to enjoy being a sociopath). I kind of feel bad for the those in relationships with the female sociopath thinking that they are just being abused. -not my point.
I’m positive that I am a sociopath (the female kind) and I’m only fifteen. My question is— Does this need for stimulation and power ever go away or lessen? Or does it worsen?
I’ve searched many things about what a sociopath is and why they (possibly we) are the way they are BUT most of my research has said that sociopaths my age are probably just experiencing a ‘stage’ in life (I’m not putting it past me but I’ve been this way for years-onward). I would just like your opinion as an experienced sociopath.
And to the other people reading this that aren’t sociopaths. What the hell is your deal you overly dramatic bitches? Playing victim? You got yourself in that situation. It isn’t the sociopaths fault that you have touchy feelings (neither is it your own, but most of the time the sociopath is just looking for a reaction. Your choice to believe them or not.)
You wouldn’t know. You are 15, diagnosis for sociopathy doesn’t come until after the age of 18.
If you’re not a hypochondriach, you could most certainly be. The reason most people don’t know they are sociopaths is because psychologists are unwilling to diagnose teens, and kids with such disorders, plus they need to observe that “phase” you talked about to make sure, since a lot of disorders have dovetailing symptoms. Some still don’t even if the symptoms are clearly present, and that can worsen it.
I’m 19 and I’m definitely a sociopath. And to shed light on why they make people feel awful is really simple once you think about it. Like Steve said; we feel awful.
The ones who do the killing, the abusing, the rumors and lies, the torture. It’s because they feel dead, and broken, miserable, and they’ll never admit it, and most won’t even realize it, but they want you to feel like they do, and that’s how they show it, and they may use the same means they were exposed to if they, themselves were abused.
The high functioning ones, who are mainly just pleasure seekers through alcohol and drugs or risk taking, and maybe experience occasional rages and manipulate people, do it to feel something. I’ll admit, I’m very sadomasochistic and enjoy suffering as much as seeing others suffer. It’s one of the only things that ever makes me feel anything, let alone feel happy. Being an empty shell is a miserable existence. We just wanna feel what you do because we don’t, but we can’t, so we mimic it, and take risks to feel a small buzz. But then we feel nothing. It’s exactly like getting high, aside from literally getting high.
Also, I don’t want your pity, I hate being pitied, so don’t think I’m milking your sympathy, I’m just trying to provide some understanding.
To put this in the most basic terms anyone could understand:
It’s like sitting on your arm until it falls asleep. It feels mostly numb, but you can feel a faint sharp, pain, and you have to stimulate it to get the feeling back, otherwise it stays numb and that small sharp pain gets sharper. That’s what being a sociopath feels like. On behalf of them, I’m sorry we cause you misery so that we can feel happiness, that’s a genuine apology. Life cursed us. That’s how I view our, sort of…
Steve does your daughter mean anything to you? Do you maintain contact with her?
Your insight is helpful, but what do you mean they will leave you alone “if you go to serious extremes”?
Wow I totally see this on my soon to be ex wife “survival that they can continue life without changing their ways.”
I was searching for a solution for why the lies cheating … etc. But she avoided all attempts to visit a phycologist except for 1 or 2 visit never more then an excuse was made for no more visits.
I now know what she is and she is now my victim simply because I don’t care about anything that happens . I will make her life hell as I’ve switched the control to me I know she could surprise me and will fight lie decieve but as of now. I don’t give a fuck and it’s very hard to reason with someone with this mindset you must put yourself into to defeat them as for them it’s a game. While knowing you will have to drop this persona in the future as it could be addictive.
i think almost everybody is a sociopath but i dont think i am. i have no desire to hurt anybody even though theyve hurt me and i dont pull things the typical person does like deceitfully making others look bad for instance. our daughter is almost out of high school and is sweet. whenever i saw any obnoxiousness in her i didnt tolerate it and by the time she was 4 or 5 it was gone. anyway, life isnt very fun for me anymore bc its hard for me to get hired and when i do i cant keep it despite being a good worker, bc theres so many sociopaths everywhere as was always the case w me. i had already risked everything that i inherited, bc of not being able to keep employed, to try and get financially independent and lost everything after the economy collapsed………………………………
Keith that doesn’t make too much sense. You say that you think almost everybody is a sociopath (I don’t think they are) – but you don’t think that you are? I therefore take it that you are a sociopath? As I don’t think most people are sociopaths ?
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I think I may involved with someone who is either a sociopath or a psychopath. I’m not sure. She started accusing me of cheating for no reason at all and eventually became violent during our relationship. She is quick to “diagnose” others as sociopaths or psychopaths. Nothing is ever her fault. And she went as far as biting me. And was not discreet about it. Bit me and left teeth marks on my face. Also, according to her, she has a laundry list full of medical problems but only one that I ever saw an actual diagnosis for. Is there anyone that can give me some insight?
Hi Layla, I cannot diagnose somebody here, but what I want you to think about, is how does this person make you feel about you? From what you say, it doesn’t sound good. It doesn’t sound like she has respect for you. Neither does it sound like she is treating you well. I think these questions are more important than who she is? It is how she makes you feel about you! You can see that this relationship is not good, or healthy for you. Eventually it will break you down, damage your self esteem and respect for yourself.
This person sounds more bi-polar than anything. Sociopaths (and I just dated one), are generally more intelligent and less violent. They typically will use more mind games. They bring you in by love bombing, and then slowly take it away until you feel like you’re the one at fault. They would usually never do something that deliberate and impulsive.
Look at the tell tail signs of a sociopath, and you will know if you were dating one. If she has emotions, quite simply put… she is not a sociopath. When you guys first met did she play with her hair, give eye contact, or laugh at your jokes? Was she genuine? Or in hindsight did all of this seem like it was fixed? Are you being used? I’m that case you’re looking at something different, that’s a manic depressant.
I found Steve’s post interesting. Sociopath or nor. I broke up with a guy I firmly believe is a sociopath. He was pleading with me to give him another chance, start over, that he loved me, etc.
I don’t believe a word of that. The tears were fake….I fell for those too many times. I know he was doing and saying anything to keep on being his supply.
But one thing he said….combined with the look on his face was, ” I hate how I am; I know I am different… ” still haunts me a bit. Is it possible that for once he was telling the truth? Are they self aware?
Please don’t get me wrong, it will not change my decision or send me reeling back. He lied to me so profoundly, that there is no way I would contact him ever again.
Hi, did your SP ever physically harm you? I read your comment here and my ex always said the same thing yours did with the begging and pleading.. Broken promises, but anytime I forgave her, it would still turn into the meanest and nastiest things being spewed at me and she was very violent. I’m just trying to understand things that happened to me. And how the heck I allowed these things to unfold
Layla, no he did not. However, I have to tell you that he was leading a double life. I found out by accident; not part of his plan for me to discover that I was the other woman.
That’s when I realized what he is. That everything he told me was a lie. In other words, I didn’t experience the back and forth; the push/pull. I was love bombed until I found out the truth.
Is he capable of physical abuse? Maybe. His wife might be experiencing that.
I really don’t know him after all these years.
You deserve better Layla
hi, excepthewasnt, I’d just like to try and make of your situation here, even if I might not give the perfect advice.
Yes, I’m also a sociopath, and sometimes I hate how I feel empty, feel the pointlessness, or nothing at all. I hate the way when I make a mistake I don’t feel regret, instead I think of the best way to patch up the situation.Most sociopaths tend to be self aware, and for me, that is even worse than not knowing, even if there is a little of the strange feeling that I am different.
I really don’t tend to abuse people in relationships with me, but I know that he probably has lied to or hurt you multiple times, right? I don’t empathize with him but I pity him, but he probably deserved it a little. But sociopaths are either proud of their emotionless self one day, and after one night of contemplating hate themselves the next. We are freaks and we know it, I’m proud? in sort of a strange way, but sometimes I hoped I was normal. But wishing doesn’t accomplish anything.
Wow I totally see this on my soon to be ex wife “survival that they can continue life without changing their ways.”
I was searching for a solution for why the lies cheating … etc. But she avoided all attempts to visit a phycologist except for 1 or 2 visit never more then an excuse was made for no more visits.
I now know what she is and she is now my victim simply because I don’t care about anything that happens . I will make her life hell as I’ve switched the control to me I know she could surprise me and will fight lie decieve but as of now. I don’t give a fuck and it’s very hard to reason with someone with this mindset you must put yourself into to defeat them as for them it’s a game. While knowing you will have to drop this persona in the future as it could be addictive.
ACTIONS EQUAL CHANGE NOT WORDS!!!
Thank you positivagirl,
People have been pointing out to me that I need to leave the relationship and savr myself. I have always been such a positive woman, even as a child, and I don’t want to become this bitter person because of how she treats me or because of the way she just views life as such a horrible thing. I can already see that this will be hard but I have to start bettering myself today! Free from being controlled any longer.
I have been having nightmares of my ex SP eyes looking at me. It scares me so bad that I don’t even want to close my eyes because every little noise I hear feels like it could be her to get me. I just don’t know her capabilities at this point. Anyone else have nightmares like this?
Hi layla have you tried an online test for ptsd? What you are describing does sound like ptsd.
I think that I feel emotions, and I can understand how others feel. I think, sometimes I can put myself into other peoples shoes, like imagining if it was me there in such situation, and imagining how I would feel. Sometimes, what I imagined, is very different from what people actually felt. I hardly understand what is real friendship, because the kind you can read about in books seems to be idealistic and not real. I do have friends, but I am unsure if I am really a good friend, do I do what friends do or not enough, hm. Somehow, I tend to black-or-white things. I do not like lying and try to be honest. However, I guess, there are no 100% honest people – would you really tell someone that they have death breath? And, I try to improve myself often, like be kinder, be more understanding, try to understand forgiveness. I cannot say I love people. However, in general, I only like people when I know them personally. Basically, I do not care for strangers much. If I help out a stranger, perhaps, my parents taught me i should do it. I am not sure I feel compassion or not. I wanf to believe that I do, but really or am I lying to myself? I do not like children, but I try to tolerate them. I used to really hate them, so it is improvement. Most children make me sick, and I feel it is not normal. I do not recall being abused, at least, not physically. I do not want to give birth, but probably would not mind to adopt. I do not know yet if I ever want kids, I do not understand why people have them. Sounds a bit selfish, looks not selfish but you saw the reason behind such wish. I have high IQ and am creative, I can basically do anything, so I am lost without direction; example – I draw, paint, play a couple musical instruments, sing, dance, act, model, take photos, make jewelry and silversmith, make ceramic and etc etc, also good at sciences and I am interested in it all! (sorry, sounds like bragging…but it is more of a problem, than of accomplishment) So I end up jumping from one focus to another. I remember as an early teen being depressed, and seeing how life is so short, quick, and hardly any point to it, I tried to exit life but well, as you see, did not work. I think I can feel love, even perhaps it is very innocent, naive sometimes, maybe childlike love – I do not know if other people feel same, or how they feel, because I literally cannot swap brains with them and live a day or two feeling and seeing the world the way they do. I had a cat, loved him so very much, very sad after he died, feeling pain and empty.
I always had problem with temper – quick to anger, ever since I can remember myself. I would stand angry next to my sleeping mother at night, waiting quietly for her to wake up so she sees how angry I am…
I can write so much more, but just keep wondering, if I am a sociopath? Because I certainly think, I am not normal.
Thinking about visiting a psychologist to find out, but hardly find any time, especially that I want to research where I can do it anonymously. We still have a certain stigma about visiting mental healthcare professionals here.
If you think you are a sociopath, please look into with a professional. It may be something that you cannot personally help but it’s not good what sociopaths do to other people. I don’t even know if you’d care (if you are a truly a sociopath, my guess would be that you wouldn’t. My ex tried ruining my life and was very close to being successful. Thank God for this forum and for a wonderful family that is a hell of a support system for me!
Nikkie that is very interesting. My ex, a sociopath also hated kids and used to get really angry at times. But why do you think is that important for you to show your anger? And have you ever had a real relationship where you felt love?
Days after giving birth to my son via a complicated c-section, my son’s “father,” a sociopath in every respect, began abusing me physically and mentally, shattering what should have been the happiest time in my life as a new mother. After the second assault, he was charged, and was prohibited from returning to our home given the threat he posed. I spent 8 days in a London hospital with bruises all over my body, my newborn by my side, and, even then, he contacted the police, saying he believed his son’s life was “in danger.” He did everything to use my son, my Achilles’ heel, against me. He is a wealthy investment banker and hired a barrage of lawyers, one to prevent me from leaving the UK my newborn son. With the help of the US State Department, my son was issued a US passport without this man’s consent, and I returned to the US with my baby. But then this man spent 2 years, draining me of much of my life savings, suing me for visitation. I knew his litigation had NOTHING to do with any desire to see his son, but he had everyone convinced otherwise. He is from Russia, and would tell me that he would take my son to Russia and I’d never see him again. He is a master of manipulation, and told people he would never have hit me, that I was crazy, even “dangerous,” that he loved his son, but I knew that he was only motivated by a cold and steady desire to hurt me. After getting the visitation he wanted (when I was unable to pay lawyers for 2 years as an unemployed single mother to a toddler), he has never once visited his son – not once in 7 years. He then began claiming that the reason he did not see his son was because I was “in hiding,” that his son was a “missing” child (documented in many recorded calls). So deeply concerned for the impact these false claims would have on me and my son, I took to the Internet and publicly set the record straight, noting that this man absolutely had an address for his son and refused to see him (also documented in recorded calls). I made it clear that despite being a wealthy man, he refused to pay child support for his “missing” son, and even hung up the phone on his son, refusing to speak with him (all recorded).
Last year there was a ruling in the EU that allows petitioners to have websites removed from searches in their name (“the right to be forgotten”). This man, with his barrage of high-priced lawyers, managed to have Google remove from its EU search results the sites that made it clear that he was NOT, in fact, the father to a missing child and that his preposterous and malicious claims were just made to hide his abandonment of a child he has treated so cruelly. However, the websites that remain are those which make him look like a saint, including a website he created “for” my son, filled with photos and stories that make him appear to be a good and loving father. Again, this is a man who beat me repeatedly in my son’s presence, poured dirty mop water on me while laughing and calling me white trash, showed no love for his own child and who said he was “set up” to be “milked” for his money. He has not so much as sent his own son a birthday card or Christmas present for SEVEN YEARS, though no one searching for him in the EU would believe he is anything but a doting father. He even set up a website saying he was heading to the Arctic to climb some mountain so that he could raise money for children’s medical expenses, WHILE he was at the very same time in violation of a court order to support his own son, never, ever paying one penny for his own son’s medical expenses!! I cannot even comprehend the mind-blowing audacity of this man. It enrages me, and I know first-hand just what a twisted liar he is, how convincingly he can persuade people, with his sincere voice and sheepish smile. It is one thing to abandon my son (surely for the best), but quite another to make serious false claims that his son is “missing” and that he hopes to soon see him on websites that contain my son’s name.
My son is now 11 years old, going on 12, and the pain he has faced as a result of this man’s actions is too much to detail here. But to have this man get away with making himself out to be a victim, with websites online that make it look to everyone that he loves and misses my son is just rubbing salt in the wound for a little boy who deserves none of this. My son deserves his privacy, his reputation, the right to be free from the insane lies of a sociopath who has treated him like unwanted trash while telling everyone he is a missing child! I am beyond frustrated and so very much want to shout from a mountain top that this man is a sick liar who should not be believed, a man who has shattered my life and done so much to hurt his little boy while simultaneously taking to Twitter to publicly post outlandish messages to my son asking him how his day is, if he has a big Christmas tree, etc.
This man has done all he can to destroy my reputation in order to defend his own, and I am sure he has been convincing, particularly in my absence (on another continent). I don’t want anyone believing this man cares for my son when I have spent countless nights comforting my son as he came to terms with the abandonment over the years. And I don’t want this man getting away with using my son’s name in publicly available websites that depict this man as a caring father when he has wholly abandoned my son – has not spoken to him in years, has not attempted any contact apart from this online charade. He has an address for his son, and his son’s address is on file with the court (public information), but this man has written online that he wishes he could give my son a soccer ball, for example, while he was in violation of a court order to pay a small amount of child support (small because he lied about his enormous income to the FL court).
I am at my wit’s end. The stress of dealing with a sociopath who no doubt delights in the pain and damage his abusive lies create feels too much at times. He always said he would punish me for having him arrested, for leaving him, and now, ten years later, he is still dangling my son over his head, even while he seems to be thriving in life. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Wow. Thank you so much for sharing your story. This sounds like hell. Beyond hell that you have been through. I did have a partner who hit me after I had a C section, but our daughter had died. So I understand how vulnerable you felt at that time.
Merchant bankers….. they were the ones who brought the country to it’s knees with economic collapse.
I am wondering, as he is in another country, does he have any power at all now? Are you safe in the US?
I am wondering if you could just ‘ignore’ him. As reading his website, is what he wants. Seems that is the only way that he can get to you and upset you. If you just ignored him, as you are in different countries, and your son has no relationship with him, would he just go away?
I am sorry that you have been through this hell. I remember when my ex, after stealing from my bank account, me buying things for his daughter, thinking her mother was about to die, and she had to come live with us, he ran off…. he then wrote emails to all of my family and friends. Faking that he was a victim, that he was only sorting access to his child, and that I was being unfaithful at this ‘difficult’ time. I wasn’t being unfaithful, and neither was he sorting access to his child. He was a liar and a thief. I know that they will continue to cause carnage and damage to your life. I just wonder that if he is in another country – can he damage you anymore?
Thanks so much for your response. Before responding to anything else you’ve shared, I want to express my heartfelt condolences over the loss of your daughter. Yes, dealing with a cruel sociopath is hell, but I can’t imagine how painful it would be to lose a child. I really appreciate your generosity in responding to my situation, particularly in light of what you’ve endured.
I think your advice to ignore this monster is certainly helpful, and I have done this to a significant extent. I don’t now fear that he’ll abduct my son, that he’ll physically abuse me any longer (especially as he has a job he doesn’t want to lose, and has also started another family). That said, I know that if I address his insane lies about my son being a “missing” child any further, he may well want to retaliate.
However, as a mother, I do feel a strong need to defend my son, to protect him, and I know how very hurtful it will be to my son at some point soon to find that this man has websites up that provide my son’s name and that make a complete mockery of all of the pain my son has endured as a result of this man’s abandonment. It would be bad enough if he “just” abandoned my son, but to then use him to make it appear online for the world to see that he is this doting father is just beyond the pale. He has had Google.co.uk (not Google.com) remove any sites I put up that make it clear that he does NOT have a missing child, and has kept up sites that make it seem like he loves and communicates with his son (though his last Twitter entry was from a few years ago, wishing my son a happy birthday, but has not sent so much as a birthday card in 7 years despite being a multi-millionaire).
Without going into all of the details, this man has done everything to destroy me, my career, and I have lived at the poverty level with his son as this guy has boasted online about his charitable work for children in need. It kills me and while my son has said he doesn’t care, I know he feels a lot of pain and anger that the man he once loved now has nothing to do with him. I know it’s for the best, but there really is nothing I can do to take that pain away. So I suppose this is why I feel so strongly about these outrageous websites online that make him appear to be this great father.
Anyway, the past few days have felt especially difficult, and I just cannot think of any way to speak out in defense of my son without just putting up more of the TRUTH online, only to have it removed from search results by this man’s well-paid barrage of lawyers. It is just so frustrating and I wish I could let the world know the truth, but the louder I shout, the more I look like the nut while this man, with his gentle public demeanor, his sweet smile, looks like the poor father who so misses his son. The injustice of it pushes me to my breaking point at times.
Well, thanks again for your advice and for taking the time. I do really appreciate it. People who have not dealt with a sociopath cannot understand the frustration involved, cannot understand how someone who comes across as so charming and agreeable could be a violent monster behind closed doors. Thank you for understanding.
Hi, a lot of time has passed since your post. So I don’t know whether you will read my reply. I do hope things are going well for you and your son. I feel for you, and I can relate a lot as I am going through a very similar experience with the P father of our two young children, now 3 and 5. This excuse for a man is actually torturing and abusing you and your son since a lot of years. I would have thought he could get bored earlier, and move to different targets. Probably, he uses your child and you as a way to keep his mask. This situation helps enhancing his victim-like profile, who is very convenient for him as a way to prey other people. The victim here is obviously your son, and you. my advice is to avoid any reaction towards him, but only to document everything. And then to focus on your son and try to find the better way for you and him to accept and deal with this horrible situation. There is no way you can control that sick man, nor he will change. The priority is to keep him out of your lives, and also to help your child to be strong and get ready to accept and understand the fact that his father happens to be a psychopath. This will help your son to be better protected. The sick man will not come back to the US to visit his child. As he is not paying child support, he doesn’t want to take any risk over there with the legal system. This happens very frequently. I am at the beginning of the child custody case. We live in two different continents. The P pretends he is the poor father of very much loved children who he cannot see because of crazy mother. That’s a LIE, of course. He is not paying child support, in violation to court orders. So, I believe that we are not going to have frequent visitations. Which is good, because for him visitations are just a way to keep his facade of ‘loving father’, and keep on abusing me. If you are still on this blog, please let us know how you are doing. Hugs
Thank you jennifer
I’m so sorry you are dealing with a predator and your poor son. But unfortunately it seems like you both are blessed that he is gone and has been for years. Let him go and Live and Love and that will help your son do better. It’s easier said then done but for your sons sake Let him GO. You deserve it and so does your son. The Bible stars in 2 Timothy Chapter 3 verses 1-6. God tells us “ from those you walk away”.
What is the best leverage to recover assets taken by a sociopath?
– Exposure? (I have made a short video that shows the truth of him being a thief, forger, fraud and pimp. Several lawyers have it in safe keeping in Canada, New Zealand and Australia with instructions for full release online and to the media if anything happens to me. But I could always put it up on youtube anyway. It also has photos of his family, who are prominent and have a lot to lose if the truth of their son goes public)
(not everything is in that video….so if I do use it, and something happens to me, the lawyers have a whole lot more to show the world)
– Giving proof to his parents of what he has been up to. They have no idea, and he is really worried about me communicating with them.
– Civil action – or the threat of – (again exposure) where he would have to admit under oath to doing some pretty horrific things…..or purger himself, and I could prove he was?
– Criminal action. This one would actually land him in jail for a long time….but probably wouldn’t get me my money back. So I am thinking to reserve that one for if I know I’m not getting paid back, or possibly as leverage, if I can think of a way to do it that isn’t extortion.
– Let him think he is still controlling me……or make it clear he isn’t?
He is a resident of Canada, but does not have citizenship. I can’t actually figure out why he is still in the country with all the crap he has pulled. Not sure if he is just ballsy, thinks I won’t do anything, feels more powerful having front row seats watching my world fall apart, has other cons going on here, or if he doesn’t want to/can’t go back home because he has pulled something similar there (or doesn’t want his family to find out about his behavior)
Any advice, alternate suggestions or anything else greatly appreciated.
A secondary question is about dealing with him in general at the moment. The only thing he cares about is my smallest dog. He always wants to see him. Since sociopaths are more reward driven than fear driven, is there a way to leverage that?
And should I be responding to his ridiculous text messages of general “Hope you had an awesome day” and photos of what he is doing, or just ignoring him unless it is necessary? I am really out of my element at the moment. I’m not sure if I need him to think he is still in control of me (until I know for certain what action I am taking) or if
He has never been physically violent to people or animals, but has no problem talking trash about anybody who doesn’t see things his way or do what he wants. I am actually prepared to deal with the fallout, as I honestly think he has way more to lose than I do if things go public. But in an ideal world, I would get my assets back with as little interaction with him as possible, and as quickly as possible.(It’s close to seven figures…..and he has signed a promissory note saying he owes it to me)
More info if you are interested:
I have recently realized that my partner of 12 years is a sociopath. He fits everything to a tee. I know nothing about him that is real. I have never met anybody he works with, anybody from school, or any friends (though I don’t think he has any that are not virtual). I have met his family – and that is it. I never had access to his emails, bank accounts, or even his phone. He had access to everything of mine.
I suspect there were always problems, but they only became apparent about 5 years ago, and glaringly so this year.
He was extremely intelligent in creating very complex strategies to cut me off from information and communication. He had numerous email addresses and phone numbers, which were manned, and replaced the legitimate ones of my financial institutions, landlord, his family etc.
He pretty much stole an insane amount of money from me. Changed all my passwords on my bank accounts so I couldn’t get in and see what was happening as he cashed in all my stock accounts, foreign accounts, regular accounts, cash advanced my cards etc.
He even went so far as to claim power of attorney at my bank. The are actually filing charges with the police for other obvious fraud he pulled with them.
He forged property titles. Forged trust documents. Forged property transfer papers and so much more.
We lived in my apartment (one I paid for completely), and I just found out a few weeks ago that it was going up for auction this month because property taxes and strata fees haven’t been paid in 5 years! He intercepted everything. I wasn’t even receiving the mail, email or phone calls letting me know this was going on.
He stole all the money I had raised for handicapped orphans in Africa. And it was a LOT of money. And it was clearly labeled that it was for that.
He stole insurance stickers and falsified insurance documents so I though I was insured (I paid for the insurance…..but he kept the money).
He gave me sugar pills instead of my birth control pills.
He messed around with my other medication.
He will go to extreme lengths to cover his tracks, and is insanely paranoid about everything. He is pathologically private, and god only knows what he has been telling his family and everybody else about me. They thought we broke up years ago!
He even faked having Cancer for economic gain and to garner sympathy.
Thousands of dollars in parking tickets, even the appliance invoices are faked. He goes to extreme lengths to try to trick people (me especially), and has no remorse for anything.
But here is my question:
How do I get back assets that he has taken.
He has signed a promissory note to say that he will pay me back close to a million dollars which he stole.
He has been paying me back (but at this rate, it is going to take 25 years…..which I realize is what he wants. He wants to be in control and have me begging for payments).
He earns good money, and his family is extremely wealthy. They could pay me off in a second if they wanted to. And I am certain they would lend him that money in a heartbeat (or even give it to him) if he simply asked.
I have tried to talk to them about some of this, but they don’t believe me (and who can blame them! This is all insane! I mean, he actually threw himself backwards through the balcony glass doors while operating an electric chain saw…..TWICE to create a diversion. He has beaten his head into concrete to fake injury to avoid having to answer questions about the money. He is nuts!
In any case, I just want him out of my life, and my money back! With as little contact, and as much speed as possible.
Any thoughts on what the best course of action for my desired results is would be greatly appreciated.
I am not seeking vengeance. I am seeking justice.
How can you ever try to get justice from someone who is an expert at lying and defrauding. All of your energy that you put into trying to get back what you have lost, he will feed off of. He enjoys the battle. He loves the battle. He loves you putting your energy into it – and if he can get out of paying what he owes, believe me he will. If I knew of a way to make them pay I would tell you. Truth is though, that he will make you out to be the insane person and the liar, while he walks away scott free.
This article seems to be written by someone who has a personal grudge with someone who they would like to portray as a psychopath. Do your research and find the actual facts before you believe the accusatory fats that are written above.
Lol don’t think so Jordon.
“Personal grudge” that’s what sociopaths say to get out of repaying money owed. Jason was my gold-digger.
Gosh these stories are horrific. I am an educated woman married to an educated high functioning physician. I cannot believe that after 16 years of a nightmare life that I didn’t know the term that applied to him/sociopath. The manipulation, dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personalities, physical abuse and smear campaign that has been foisted on me since I filed for divorce last year. He knocked out my eardrum when I was 7 months pregnant. Three of my children adore him, I believe my teenage daughter shows sociopathic tendencies (when she was in 2nd grade her teacher called me in to tell me she was disturbed by an incident in which she caught my daughter planting a whoopy cushion on her seat. The teacher said she wasn’t really angry but called my daughter to her desk and told her what she saw. My daughter denied it. The teacher then said I saw you do it. She said my daughter looked at her with a blank stare and continued to deny it. The teacher said she was so disturbed and my daughter would not back down. This has been the behavior I have dealt with from her). My husband told the kids he wanted them to live with him but I was holding them back. Life with him is iPhones, no supervision, the mall every week, shopping and dating at age 12. My three kids were furious with me and made life a living hell for months. So I sent them up to live with him six weeks ago. I’ve called them twice to find I’m in speaker phone with him in the room. I had hoped we could settle the divorce but no. Now he wants my youngest daughter who absolutely does not want to go. He said he was going to ask for custody. So I started to realize I’m going to have to take him on and I have. He harassed me with mean vicious drunken v/m. I made them public. He blows off court hearings I’ve got the judge to award me attorney’s fees and now In asking for a psychological evaluation of him. All records unless sealed by the court are public. I have also been awarded funds to depose the two top members of his group. Amongst other information being elicited in sure his v/ms will probably come up when questions about his behavior are asked will be played for them to hear. When I have to email him I omit all emotion and stick to facts. I have started feeling less and less emotion and even question whether I too am becoming a sociopath to deal with him.
To deal withthem you must be even more than he can be if this is possible for you. … saying that I wouldn’t advise fighting a sociopath when kids are involved. I wish you well.
This whole article couldn’t be any more true in regards to the S I dated. It’s been 7 months since the last contact via email. I deleted the account. There is no #, email, or social mmedia he can get to me through. You can say my social life has certainly changed. I crawled into a shell and hid from the world as I knew it. I socialize at work and that’s about it. It gets lonely at times, but i’d rather be alone then with superficial selfish people. I’d rather have quality.
I “sometimes” think I’m a sociopath; I hate people but I am incredibly polite and pleasant when I want something out of them, I also notice that nearly everyone I meet seems to like me almost straight away (charisma?); I can start a conversation with people and if I want to, I can instantly make them laugh and feel at ease with my company — it’s like I know how to make them like me before I even get to know them, but the entire time I’m doing this it’s for my own reasons (I wouldn’t bother if I didn’t need to) and it’s a real effort deep down to keep being nice to them, when all I really wanna do is take something from them and disappear. I also sometimes wish the most horrendous of things on some people if they annoy me, I can look in a person’s eyes, smile to their face and be their “best friend” while wishing they’d go and drop dead deep down, but they never get to know that *until* I no longer need them, then I don’t care if they know what I really think or not because by then I’ve achieved what I wanted and I’m happy; hurting people doesn’t bother me if it means I get what I want, and I feel like I always have to pretend I’m different things to different people to stop them from knowing what I really think of them; there’s been many a time I’ve gone from right wing to left wing instantly to keep people sweet while I’m getting what I want (whatever it may be, depending on the situation).
I don’t know if I am one or just a bit messed up, but I hope I’m not because I’ve noticed that, despite hating people as a rule and finding them annoying, I do need them and can’t really cope with being on my own for too long, as people do help me to live in a strange kind of way and I don’t know how I’d cope being totally alone.
Hello Adam. From my point of you you seem like a sociopath. I think almost every young sociopath goes through this stage of unsureness and attempts at self-identification on websites like this. I could try to help.
Ask yourself some questions, for example:
your age? Your family life? School life? Past or present abuse? Personality? Etc.
Try to use some clues that you gather form yourself. And I know sometimes it’s hard to admit it and stop convincing yourself of things, identify your traits in an analytical way and find professional websites and real stories from real sociopaths. Hope I helped.
I feel like Im the same way and I use my skills when im working as an escort. Im very attractive and deal with wealthy clients mostly. The last guy liked my act so much that he gave me triple my rate. I used to be genuinely nicer despite my past of childhood abuse but after seeing the reality that men were using me I started to care less and less until now I use and manipulate them. Do you think you would be an escort if you were a female socio?
My soicoapathic ex who I’ve not had dealings with for two months note or less neither do I speak to anymore well it looks like hes manipulating people into blocking me off social media he’s such a control freak I’m so angry than he’s probably bad mouthing me and using his charm and pretence to try and cover up who he is I’ve not slagged him off to this person once I’ve only recently added her om social media as she’s part of same agency I’m with with in a few days she’s blocked me and I couldn’t think why bar her fella knows my ex and they are friends after 2:month’s of hell and trying to rebuild my life he’s still messing with my head and making me feel shit when he’s one who completely tore me apart . I feel like its me who dumped him not other way around he obviously wants control and he’s worried I’m slagging him off anyone else had this?
Tory, I don’t know how attatched you are to social media, but the best way to recover is by going no contact, and that means cutting off people that associate with the disordered one. I had the ex socio and an ex best friend narc/bpd on my back and tried all kinds of stuff via social media. I deactivated and went “ghost” on everybody. 1 year later I am healthy again.
My ex sociopath lost it when i left for good recently after he was caught out cheating more lies and abuse getting worse.
He tracked me down more threats and could not handle me knowing the truth so he snapped & broke me nose. No remorse, now locked up and blames me for everything. Has not made a plea says i set him up. Im so over the truma of years of this. I want this nightmare over. I thank God for the strength he gives me and his protection. I will grow and learn from this but never again to be in this situation. I pray when he gets out he dosent look at revenge and comes back for round two.
I am sorry you have been through this. I hope he stays locked up so you have a chance to heal and recover.
I’ve always wondered with Sociopaths as my Ex once spoke about when receiving a lot of help and support when imprisoned.. ‘Can they truly get Treatment and Help? to change? if wanting to change? or is this a chemical imbalance that has happened in the brain? Wiring not connecting? Is there any real treatment can they have Medication? Something?
Once he spoke about how much he Hated the person he was? A traumatic childhood didn’t help and a father and grandfather that had the same traits if not worse. When grieving over the death of our daughter that lived for 1 week we both grieved differently he picking up women and while myself in hospital with our dying daughter he was out getting high etc. Very self centred, is very sad and I see such emptiness. Am drained in everyway and gave so much but now to heal and get my confidence and self worth back.
This page is amazing to me. I am so glad I found it.Everything here rings true for the relationship I went thru with for 2 years. My guy had been raped and abused as a child and I believe that is where his pathology of sociopathy was born.I now understand that there is absolutely nothing I can do for him and that the only thing I can do for myself , is leave and start moving my life in a healing and healthy direction.I am actually testing waters, he lives in Mexico and I paid rent and all other expenses for him for 2 years, he had been on the streets before.My helper instinct kicked in and he completely reeled me in. He was verbally abusive, terribly manipulative, cruel, mean, critical, manic, depressed, insane and I let it all happen. Yes, it was a choice.I decided to cut off all financial support now and he is back in the streets , starting today. Let’s see how fast he will let go of all contact, so he can concentrate on NEW SUPPLY…because that IS all that us givers are to sociopaths.They have no motivation to pull themselves out of the mud, let alone take blame for anything.And they are perfecting the art of guilt tripping.They are brilliant, intelligent, strong , may have artistic talents or other, BUT they will hurt you .If you don’t want any of this….walk away while you can.
if your ex is disordered, unless you don’t have evidence of his claimed abuse it might likely be a lie. Very common indeed.
I think it is pretty stupid to do any of these things to a sociopath. If you attack them, they defend their selves. You would do better to let him or her make the decision to leave you.
Sometimes they won’t make that decision to leave you, because they want something from you.
I just gotta say, as a sociopath I feel a little offended. We are human too, not some robot.. We feel.. we just cannot feel too strongly about certain things. We wear our masks, I do it every day for years. I’m a sociopath that has a good understanding of empathy. I mimic it so well and on a deep psychological level can understand how a person feels, still I just don’t care. I was robbed at gunpoint, I laughed. I don’t fear death because well death is inevitable. I don’t go out of my way to mess up people’s lives..or well I hold back the urge. I understand what I am, I am not inhuman. I wasn’t born like this, I was shaped into one. Well, you could blame both nature and nurture. My father has owned businesses and was a damn good salesman. I always called his problem “God complex” not in the sense that he thought he was God. He felt higher, much higher than everyone else. While I am egotistical, a little narcissistic.. I don’t try to flaunt it. I control it, to an extent. However, I’m getting tired of wearing the mask. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t become a criminal or anything like that. I’d stop playing a victim and get stuff done. It’s on a spectrum.. a high functioning vs low functioning. This world isn’t sunshine and daisies, it’s cutthroat for some more than others. This you call a disorder, this is a defense mechanism. Look at the most natural life.. good and evil don’t exist. We have a system of morals to keep ourselves “human” when we are animals like that same. Survival is what our minds do, my mind has suffered a severe backlash of mental and physical abuse. So I created a defense mechanism, or maybe it activated. We are not broken. We are simply repaired a different way for survival. We feel fear.. my fear in general is war. Humans are humans people. We aren’t going to kill you, well most of the high functionings ones.
It just seems like you are trying to justify bad behavior. If it wasn’t considered bad behavior it also wouldn’t have a mental condition associated with it. Trust me I feel bad for you, as there comes as day (you mentioned we are all human) that you wake up feeling old, worn out and lonely. And a life spent burning human made bridges, is a life that is spent in solitude as you would most likely not have anyone to utilize for the energy needed to actually survive as a sociopath.
Yes we are all human. But sociopaths (and admitted ones) such as yourself, can no longer be sociopaths without victims. So in the end, you are just a human that thought you were better then the rest. And the last thing a sociopath is going to do, is victimize themselves. So now what?
Psychologists had created a question test to (test) to see if someone is a sociopath or not. In the end, they learned that the test only needed to consist of 1 single question. And that was pretty easy. If you want to know if someone is a sociopath just ask them “are you a sociopath”. Its obvious they don’t mind being considered one. You just proved that the test in fact, legitimately works.
I hope you try to get some help.
The article is really informing. The issue I have is how it is directly related to “HE”. As are most articles involving this behavior. That being said I am a “HE” battling a “SHE” sociopath in divorce court. I realize that men make up the majority of people with this personality disorder.
But in the name of equality, which seems that is what both women and men deserve is equality. Isn’t it fair (in this day and age) to change the wording to “THEY”. Its not a gender biased condition. And it only draws false attention to the actuality of the situation. Not just my own, but the vast amount of other men / loving attentive & available Dads suffering at the hands of female sociopaths.
Its much harder for courts to initially be diplomatic since they tend to side with women in greater numbers. Especially in states such as Utah. The scales are unequally balanced even at the expense of children. Not sure what happened to innocent until proven guilty? Not guilty “most likely” because you are a man.
This is a 2013 post. Written at the time when I was in trauma, and writing to my ex, who is a he. Later posts on the site were gender neutral. I am sure if it relates you can translate 🙂
I am going through a divorce with my current wife. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that she is a sociopath. I guess I’m just looking for more answers. I can see how she used me and tried to control me. She also gets mad when I ask her if the divorce is almost finalized as she is doing most of it because she wanted it. While I do understand that she’s getting mad because she’s losing control, then why divorce me? And since we are getting divorced, is she gonna go crazy when I start seeing another girl? Any information would be appreciated.
First of all Mike. What makes you think she is a sociopath?
Hello Mike, my heart really goes out to you. On New Year’s Day 2017 I began to unravel the affairs and lies that my wife had been committing/telling me for over 13 years. I even discovered that she lied about her first marriage saying that he was abusive to her which was just a lie, she actually cheated on him and was caught. We have two children together and are now divorce sharing custody of the children. For months I was in a constant state of shock at her actions because she would not stop cheating/ lying yet insisted on being in contact with me all the time. She would use our children as a reason to be in constant contact, and still does to this day. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. We were actually going to marriage counseling while she was having an affair with another man. She simply did not tell the other man that she was going to marriage counseling with me. Eventually I came to my senses and I filed for divorce. She had zero intentions of actually filing for divorce, she just thought she could go on cheating and tried to sell me on the idea of a open marriage. An open marriage would only benefit her and devastate the rest of my life. It was a close family member who is a PhD psychologist that suggested my wife was a female sociopathic narcissist. At first I was in denial but her actions and behaviors are simply textbook of a sociopath. Three months after I discovered her cheating and lies, she went and got a $6000 boob job, like that’s what she needs? But of course that’s what she needs, she’s a sociopath. I know of at least four times that she cheated on me and there were probably more. One of the men she was having an affair with even filed a restraining order against me after my wife and him filed a false police report. There’s no doubt she told him nothing but lies about me to justify her terrible behavior and actions. Lucky for me, she now has a new boyfriend which she started dating two days after our divorce. I’m certain she love bombed the hell out of him and now he’s paying the mortgage and groceries. He moved in with her and our children in just a matter of weeks after meeting her. Over a year later, and I’m still struggling with the reality that some human beings can be completely void of conscience and remorse. Mike, if your soon to be ex-wife truly is a sociopath, the only way you’ll ever move on with your life is if you one hundred percent cut her out of yours. You cannot give her any opportunity to implement control over you. If you have children with your soon to be ex-wife I’m very sorry, in some ways it’s like a psychological death sentence, leading to constant depression. If you have to be in contact with her and you try to actually start another relationship, I have no doubt that your ex will go out of her way to destroy your new relationship. It’s because of this reality I have no desire to even date another woman. I just don’t have much to give and also have zero desire to be in a relationship with any woman after accepting the unacceptable for 13 years.
The constant lies and telling another lie to cover up that lie was the number one red flag. In hindsight, the love bombing phase was intoxicating even though my soce couldn’t get an erection without Cialis or Viagra. After the love bombing phase was over, not another word or serious meaningful comment came out of his mouth. The reasoning that was given was “I already said it once. I thought you already knew.” My soce was able to take a situation and look at it from all kinds of angles that “normal” people could not even fathom. Every interaction for him seemed like a chess move, however I always felt like I was one step ahead of him. I actually started making myself think like he would think to outsmart him. Exhausting to say the least. Throw life, kids, a full-time job on top of that and that is where I broke. Keeping up with this exhausting person was a full-time job. I had to delete all social media, block his number, etc. Luckily, his previous supply lived in another state, so he moved back there. I am not sure how he is doing, but I am sure of one thing. Wherever he is, I am sure he is creating drama, trying to feed his empty soul full of all the drugs and alcohol he can get his hands on and hopefully has expired. I am sure that would be a relief to himself as it would everyone else around him. His poor children (no children between the two of us) are the ones who are truly suffering, and in turn are inflicting pain on their significant others and themselves (severe drug addiction issues). Such a sad, sad cycle. The straw that broke the camels back was a plan he confided in me to try and make money to pay off his child support.
Sociopaths don’t have “supply.” Nor do they have a “cycle of abuse.” They aren’t narcissists. They just manipulate to get ahead. This means they manipulate to get things that they want.
As somebody who is diagnosed with ASPD (secondary), I feel really uncomfortable when my mask drops. I don’t really fear being exposed though because I’m confident in my ability to hide my true self. I can’t speak for all sociopaths though.
I think you will find that much that is written about narcissism, has been used from websites such as this one. They almost certainly do have cycles of abuse and they absolutely need supply. Narcissists need recognition, adoration, attention, they need you to be the trophy to validate their own sense of self esteem, and ego. While sociopaths already think that they are above everybody else. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I think ASP, Sociopathy and Psychopathy is on a sliding scale.
Four percent of americans exhibit sociopathic tendencies. Regadless of why they are the way they are, that is a whole lot of people to running about acting the way you seem to think a sociopath would act. The unfortunate truth is that most sociopaths have no real desire to harm anyone. The only real difference between a sociopath and a “ordinary” human is the how much they choose to act upon their emotions. I can’t tell you what to fear, but as a man who seen how far panic and hate can embed themselves, I can’t say I wouldn’t rather surround myself would those who would look past such things.
I went out with a woman from ,Cleavland after a while she started to give me stories . Asking to borrow money ,she will pay me back went to ATM s . Then I got suspicious went to Magestrate office , clerk told me she got caught for welfare fraud . I broke up with her, and turned her in to the Bank / Welfare / Equifax she pled guilty as charged. 7 years is almost over , she has scammer on her Credit History . She will never have credit for the rest of her life , now where even I lost money she lost her Credit. With everyone she coned she will never know who turned her in I was lucky she left a paper trail . Oh she also uses Western Union and Money Gram she texted stories to other people to send money to Cleavland
I think Sociopath and psychopath are criminals of society and disruptive to the honest way to live ( they are completely criminals )!
They sure are.