Once the sociopath has accurately assessed your ‘worth’ (this could be financial, status, anything that the sociopath wants, that he himself doesn’t have), he will move into the seduction stage.
Tools used to seduce you
- Compulsive lying (telling you everything you want to hear)
- Fake persona (being who you want him to be)
- Mirroring you (see above)
- Empty promises
- Sometimes (although not always) lavish gifts
- Showering you with attention and false compliments
- Bombarding you and taking all of your time
- Being helpful, and the ‘perfect man’
I wrote earlier how at the assessment stage, he asked lots of probing questions. If you are on social networking sites, he would have analysed your page and watched keenly who you were interacting with and assessed who and what was important to you. He would have observed, and noted the things that things you like, and don’t like. He would have read past posts, gone through your timeline, to observe how you were really thinking.
This combined with the probing questions that he has asked you (which you initially consider flattering that he is so interested in you), will build a profile of you, so that he can seduce you and tell you exactly what you want and need to hear. Remember that this man is a predator.
In the beginning, you are blind, and you will not be aware of this, or if you are, you see it as flattery and that he really likes you. Not only does he send the message that he really likes you, by effectively mirroring you, he sends you the message that he is just like you.
In this phase the sociopath comes on STRONG. It is so strong, that it is almost off putting. He will openly tell people how much he loves you. He will even say this to people in his (remote) world, and (embarrassingly) to people in yours. He will say almost anything to seduce you. You will notice, as he pulls you close, that his full focus is on you, as he looks at you with his predatory stare.
His objective is making himself seem appealing to you. This is not an action coming naturally from his heart. It is a premeditated calculated move. What he does, to make himself seem appealing, really does depend on what he learned in the assessment stage, about ‘what YOU want’.
Word to the wise…. if it seems too good to be true, it probably is! His seduction will be way over the top. And it lacks sincerity. He will be overly attentive and shower you with attention.
- He will tell you how wonderful you are.
- He will pile on affection. Bombarding you with ‘love’ (but it isn’t love at all)
- He will charm you, and somehow will always know how to say the right words to seduce you(but most of it is lies and made up)
- He will seem fun and lively, up for anything. Especially anything that you want to do.
- He will seemingly take care of you and look after you. (things like walking on the road side of the street, making you a cup of tea, cooking dinner, clearing up)
- In seduction stage he couldn’t be more helpful
- He is fully attentive and gives you all of his attention, making you feel that you are the centre of his world (you are, you are his latest target)
Although it is moving fast, you feel happy. They make you feel happy. By effectively tapping into your needs and wants, you feel uplifted.
You introduce him to people close to you. You take him to meet your friends and close family. But of course, he can read your friends too, and likely he will have already assessed through conversation with you what your friends are like.
With premeditated calculation, he charms them too. With the seal of authority of the people close to you, you push to the back of your mind, all of the doubts that you had. After all, your friends have seen through losers before, where you didn’t.
This time, they tell you
- He seems perfect for you
- Your great together
- You are really well matched
It’s not the fault of your friends. He has charmed them too. He will tell them, how he will always take care of you. How he won’t ever hurt you. Any concerns they might have, he will automatically give them reassurances without being asked.
Some of your friends will be suspicious. He is now acting like he has known you all of his life. Friends, who have known you for all of your life, will be suspicious. But, he will do all that he can to ease their concerns. This gives you the impression that he will ‘fit in’ with your social network. You are beginning to think just how perfect you are together.
At this stage, you will not see the other side of him, the jealousy, paranoia, rage. None of this is existent to you.
He can be incredibly deceptive and manipulative. It’s not that you are stupid. It is that he goes to great lengths to cover for himself. He will shower you with ‘love’ and false compliments.
With the seal of approval from those close to you, you put to the back of your mind, initial concerns or red flags. You choose to ignore them. It is only later, that you realise the man who seemed so at ease with your family and friends, will feel jealous of your time spent with them. And he will likely try to isolate you from them. But right now, in early seduction stage you do not see this as right now, everything feels just perfect.
The reason that sociopaths are effectively successful is because they ‘mimic’ true love. Because they cannot feel it, they fake it. And using manipulative tools, he sends you the message, that you have a genuine connection that is real. The message that you receive is:
- I like you
- You are just like me
- We like the same things and share common interests
- We want the same things out of life
- We share common values
When someone makes you feel good, and also (appears) to show and display the traits outlined above, you can feel that it is safe to fall in love with this person, and that this is the person who you have searched for your whole life.
However, a sociopath is a predator and you are his latest victim and his latest target. If you look closely, you will see the predators stare. But likely, at this point in the relationship, you will choose to ignore it. You feel in heaven, it feels like a soul mate connection. His seduction is working, as he knows that it is when you are in love, he will have full control over you and you will be hooked, making it less likely that you will leave him. This will enable him to now use you for whatever it is that he wants.