As you grew further into the relationship with the sociopath, you wouldn’t have noticed that you were being isolated from other people. At least, not at first. The sociopath sells this sense of intimacy, and ‘just the two of you’ to you, as if he is doing you a huge favour.
You will feel as you are being swept off of your feet, that you have met the love of your life, and that this is the romance of a lifetime. At first, you won’t notice how the rest of your life is being abandoned at the wayside. After all, not only are you flattered, you also feel that you have met your soul mate.
You imagine, that once the initial intimacy dies down, as it always does, once the flame is turned down, that you will have the sociopath as part of your life, and he will fit into your wider network of friends and activities. Or so you think.
Dating a sociopath is a full time occupation, living little space in your head for anything else at all. It is deliberate ploy on his part. He does this deliberately, to ensure that you have nothing else in your life, as isolating you, gives absolute control.
The sociopath takes up your space. He takes up your:
- Physical space by being with you all of the time
- Mental space, by constantly making demands, asking questions, talking, bombarding, looking for attention.
Further into the relationship, without other people, and all of the usual things that you enjoyed in your life, you can feel like the sociopath is the only one who understands you, or even that the sociopath is the only one left in your life. The sociopath controls your thoughts, your actions, and your activities. Without realising it, in a short space of time, your entire world is focused on the sociopath. You have no time for anything or anybody else. You might even be under the false illusion that you are happy!!
The sociopath will intrude and control every part of your life. Leaving the sociopath is difficult. Whilst you know deep down that you deserve to be treated better than this. You have also been manipulated, controlled.
By continual bombardment, you are left with little time for other activities. Friends, get fed up of hearing your stories, and cannot really relate to what is happening to you. Friends can feel abandoned, as you didn’t have time to catch up with them. They are left with the false impression that you are more into your partner, than them.
On top of this, if the relationship ends, if you try to tell your tales of the ‘craziness’, the sociopath will capitalise on this, and relay YOU out to be the crazy one.
You are left at the end of the relationship, wondering:
- What happened to YOU
- What happened to YOUR LIFE
- What happened to YOUR FRIENDS
You struggle with this, and the sociopath will again capitalise on this, and tell you that nobody likes you. You have no friends. Nobody wants you.
You might even go back to the sociopath, thinking that you are worthless, and nobody else wants you. Your self esteem is left at an all time low. You have been abused, used, and now not only is there evidence that there is little left of your life, you also feel worthless, and the sociopath will delight in telling you that you are.
You might struggle at this time because:
- You feel worthless
- The sociopath mirrors this, and tells you that you are
- You feel that there is evidence of this too, after all, you have changed, and where is the life that you had before?
The truth is very different from the reality that you are being fed by the sociopath, and by the illusion of the what you think that is now your life. It is, just like everything the sociopath gave to you, an illusion. The truth is:
- You still are that person who you were before
- Nobody can take YOU away, the can do it temporarily, but not permanently
- You are not only the person that you were before, you are BETTER than that person!! You really are, because you are wiser
You might think that you have nothing left. That the sociopath has taken everything, and you are left alone and feeling worthless. Don’t go back, or listen to further sociopath tricks, to manipulate and control you further. Try to remember:
Take this time, to work on you. For the first time in a long time, you have time to yourself. Real genuine friends will still be there. Just pick up the phone and call. Those who are not, were not really true friends, those who are your real friends, will be happy to hear from you. Likely they have missed you, as much as you have missed them. Only the time that you were with the sociopath you were not YOU. You were a clone of who the sociopath moulded you into.
- Call old friends
- Do things that you used to do, things that you used to love, before the sociopath came into your life. By doing this, you will reconnect back to the old parts of yourself
- Make goals – even if they are small. Achieving even small goals, will help with your self esteem
- Write your thoughts down
- Read as much as you can, to understand what you have been through
And most importantly, know that there is nothing wrong with you. You are not alone. I have been through this too, as have many others who read and post on this site. And worldwide there are millions of us.
Isolation, confusion, sense of abandonment are only temporary. It is not your life for the rest of your life (no matter if the sociopath tells you it is). Concentrate and focus on you, and on people that you loved in your life. Relish your freedom. Enjoy what had been taken away from you.
Your world can grow bigger, if you allow it to. To do this, you need to let go fully of the sociopath, and love yourself!!
Copyright datingasociopath.com 2013
40 thoughts on “Are you feeling isolated? Know that you are NOT alone!!!”
Very well stated…Thank you for your blog
Thank you brioli welcome! 🙂
After 24 years , I now realise that the charming and lovely person I met and let move in with me , has over the years destroyed every shred of my self confidence , alienated me from friends… took up all my time so I could not deviate from giving him adoration.I was once a woman who ran her own successful business , full of confidence and fun loving .. I am now 60 and totally wrecked . he has over the years taken over my finances… but I know nothing of his .. I did have the presence of mind to get seperate accounts after a series of thefts from my account ( always with a ” very good reason “… he has in the past forged my signature in an attempt to remortgage my property… How he expected to get away with it I have no idea… every word is a lie after lie after lie… he cheats , and cannot be trusted… I have recently (7 days ago) found the courage to get him out … he fled because the only thing I could get him on proving his lies was the re mortgage fraud attempt by telling him the bank would still have the paper application on record..He tried to appease me by saying he would seek therapy for his lying , but I got him out ! I cried none stop for 3 days … I did not tell a soul as over the years I did not think anyone would believe me .. as he is, to the outside world Mr Wonderful … I then started to receive phone calls from worried joint friends … he actually has never had any of his own … he has been contacting them on the pretext that he is worried about me as I am prone to letting my imagination get the better of me… but apparently admitted he has been in his words ” a bit naughty ” ( cheating) He has started sending messages of I miss and love you and please look after yourself etc In other words you can’t survive on your own without me and money etc… I have been No Contact for 7 days , I never want to see or hear from him again , but I am overwhelmed with feelings of despair and panic … I presume this is their MO … to keep in a state of need… This site has helped me all week , I have read everything I can about the sociopath , compulsive liar or physchopath … I can’t thank you all enough for sharing your own experiences and stories …. and it gives me the courage and strength to pick myself up and build a life for myself somehow … I pray for the strength to get out of this hell xx
Some energy quotes…
“What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.”
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
—Carl Gustav Jung
“The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled.”
Focus on me….
Seems so hard to do when I have spent so long focusing on how to make him happy, and now how to stay safe from him. I heard these same words today from my advocate but I just feel stuck in this pattern of trying to guess his next move… keep ahead of the manipulation curve. There has to be a way to put my mind in neutral for a bit before I start downshifting right??
Hey – what you need to do. Is NO CONTACT (I have written posts about it in healing and recovery section) Stick with it. This is going to be your new baby – your new rock your new centre of attention – no contact…. this will focus your energy on you!! Not him….it is important to only work in small time frames a day at a time. Remember this is an addiction that you need to break. If you think too far ahead it will be too much – and you will contact for ‘just one more fix’.
Can you do this? Establish no contact? Each time you feel like contacting him – post here instead. And read all you can….. I think i probably covered every subject – how you feel I have been there before -and so has everyone else here. Reach out for support from those who understand. Yes it will hurt for a bit – but remember – short term pain – long term gain!! 🙂
StaYndlglaSS, how are you doing? I know this is very hard to do. I woke up early this morning because I was missing being married, having the SP laying next to me. So what I decided to do was start reading the blogs to get my mind back right. But your statement really stood out to me because I was always trying to make him happy, he was NEVER happy. And when the relationship was over I’m doing everything to be safe from him. Like I would share with others I have to think crazy. Once our divorce was over he return my Louis Vuitton duffle bag it was destroyed he put a hole in the bottom ripped of the tags on both sides and took some of the teeth off the zipper,I figure this is what he really wanted to do to me. Even though he created this drama and put me on silent treatment. He still has mail sent to the house he wants me to know that his new target is paying his bills! All I can do is shake my head and say to myself good for him. It’s not me thank GOD!
yeah all the things like the no phone calls and the blocking of facebook, and blocking of all communication , again confirms how deepely seeded the sociopathy really is inside of my ex girlfriend. i caught her last week on a social media site at 1:30 in the morning , when she saw who it was, she sent me a game request as to say , ok im busted. so now she has to live it through, but also need to know that no relationship can survive without LOVE . the sociopath is hopeless because real emotional love doesn,t exist in them.WOW WHAT A WAY TO LIVE .it must be terrifying knowing that your never gonna have that romantic emotional bond of love with a soulmate in life. thats horrible, but with you real love is right around the corner all you need to do is shine you up a little and it will come and get you. you wont have to search the web for it
I probably should have clarified a bit more, but my brain was emotional mush last night. I am about 2 months into no contact. I am however in a DV shelter hiding to stay alive. The obsessing is trying to keep up with his insane cunningness. He is 10 steps ahead of me 3 months before I get there. And when the person with those skills enjoys making you suffer and is totally willing to kill you, I think it’s next to impossible to try and not to keep up. Logically, I know that it is impossible. There is no way that I could ever figure out what he is planning or plotting. But my instinct fights that.
I have to say I cannot relate at all to having to break him as my addiction…. well, not anymore at least. I had actually already left our marriage for almost a year before I got to this point. Although, I now know why that didn’t work one damn bit. LOL The pull and tug, and the lies, lies, lies. It is oddly comforting to know that there is a category to make all of that make sense. The crazymaking is the worst though. It was then, and somehow it’s still working here. I am doubly isolated. I am isolated from everyone I have lost through this marriage, and now isolated because I have voluntary put myself in a high security shelter because my husband is not just a sociopath, but one that is very dangerous.
I will be praying for you! I been asked several times will I allow him to run me out of town, I’m not from here where we leave, I tell them that I refuse. But, I know my is like an 9. But, right now he has someone taking up his time. If not i would be in serious trouble. So, I do understand why you are in hiding. They don’t like to loose. I not sure where you are located but try to watch ID investigation Discovery they have a lot of stories of victims surviving relationships with SP’s. you would be amazed on the things you can do to stay safe!!!!
He took my money, i lost my job (because i had to be there for his beck and call even in the middle of the day when i am at work) because if i didn’t, he would moan about how i don’t love him and i neglect him when he needs me most blah blah blah. He would call at 2 in the morning because he works nights and i would have to get out of my bed and cook (he does not eat left overs) and i did all this to keep him happy and comfortable, not asking for ANYTHING in return and getting absolutely NOTHING from him.
I lost my bag once with all my debit and credit cards on a Friday night and i called him and explained that i would have no money at all over the weekend if he could just loan me some until Monday when i get my cards back and he said yes!!! i waited and waited and had to call a friend that i had barely spoken to, the Sunday nite to get money to go to work on Monday. When i very gently asked him why he said he thought i was lying!!!!!! why would i lie about something like that? i always spend my money on him, no matter where we go because he is always leaving his cards in the car.
now i have no money …. no job. just one friend who i managed to keep. i feel so tired. Just broken down tired.
And i’m mad beacuse he knew what he was doing … im 26 and he is 45 so he knew what he was doing and still deliberately hurt me so profoundly. Her fed me all those lies and i just gobbled them up. SMH.
i thought i was smarter than that. i guess im not. It just hurt so much. But im so thankful for your site though … knowledge is power. And although i still feel raw … it really is not as bad as before.
The feeling of betrayal is so very painful. Of being treated like you mean nothing (and alternatively acting like your best friend and carer) to keep you there.
His actions are abuse. It does not matter that you only have one friend left. At least that is one person to confide in. Every person who posts on this site understands how you feel. I do. I know that feeling. But you are not alone – we understand how you feel.
Whilst we might not be able to offer practical support. We can listen to you. We will understand you. We will believe you too. You are not alone. We get where you are.
Can you get somewhere else to live? Can you go to stay with your friend? Maybe it is a good thing that the job has gone as at least that is one stress down – you cant fear losing it now. When you lose EVERYTHING… all that you can do is go UPWARDS….
You have lost enough its now time to start rebuilding… to rebuild your life…. for you…. you have a clean slate a blank piece of paper.
Nex tthing to do is to write down a list of all that you want… figure out how you are going to get away from him. Where else to do have to go? If nowhere then work out a plan how you can get out…. you can do this and we are right behind you.
Thanks so much positivagirl. I truly appreciate the support. I have thought about moving … because he still shows up all hours of the night unannounced. But right now i really cant … i have to wait until i get a job so i can know how much i’m working with.I’ve thought about migrating because all my family lives in the UK and USA but I’m in the Caribbean. I just wanted to try it out on my own and independently build a life by myself. And i thought i was on my way with this man ….. But it is true, i do have a blank slate. And i am going to try with all my might to get on with it. I know i’ll feel better in time. Thank you
I have recently been discarded and left with no means after a 5 year relationship with a sociopath. He tried forcing me away from what was our retirement area. I have fallen back to his manipulative ways to discover that it was a way to get what he was wanting. I am with my family for the Holiday. I have 3 wonderful and successful children and will draw from my success as a mother. I had the locks changed in the home that he tried to discard me from, and will have his ass thrown in jail if he comes around. I put all my love, hope and dreams into this relationship and was continually blamed due to my insecurities and my emotions. My insecurities and emotions were actually my instincts that I was not listening to. This man had led me to believe that he was in Vietnam as a young man, but chose to never talk about it. When I was discarded in a very abusive way, I reached out to find that this man lied about his being in Vietnam. Why? This lie and this website has put me in a fight back survival mode. I realize now that it was not my fault and this is a sick man. If one of my daughters was going through this I would fight to the end for her. I have fallen hard and will get up. Yes, I miss this man that I was going to grow old with, but he was not real. Please everyone keep me in your prayers.
Hi reality. No it was not your fault. Sociopaths are compulsive pathological liars. They create their own reality. Will send some prayers out for you. Stay strong.
Omg – I had this long reply all thought out and my stupid smart iPhone kicked me out – for those of you who don’t already know I am horrid at anything technical, I stopped at Atari or maybe Sega – okay. 😡
I am soo sorry, to hear you are hurting, it’s very painful to believe you intended to live your life a certain way only to find out it was a pipe dream, and worse over something as silly as greed. I don’t know if you recall, (as I was reading your story I had to stop and google it), there was a movie in 1988 (I know, I am old lady), “Masquerade” with Rob Lowe, just reminded me so much of your situation, except for the ending which I won’t tell you, incase you haven’t seen it. My father tells me every time I see him, “Ugh will you please find SOME joy in your life, everyday find something” (apparently I am bitter? So this is a lot of work on a daily basis, okay!). Please please be sooo happy your children want you! My children would be happy if they could never see me again till their NS father discards them. I am so happy for you, so today upon hearing this news you having your children, this is my joy for today. I was talking to a friend who was really down. She said, I don’t understand why? Am I forgotten? I said why would you say such a thing? It’s when we are at our lowest or weakest we are tested. Prayers sent.
I think I’m losing faith in mankind. Especially the ‘man’ part. I’ve realised that I’m getting to be so cynical. I just feel like they (men) are all out to trick me. Like I’m now a target. Its like they can see the damaged person I am and think I’m vulnerable so let me try and get a shot at her. I feel literally incapable of liking anyone let alone love. What if this this who I am now? I don’t want to be this way. I really nice guy asked me out on Friday and in my mind when he was asking me so nice and sweet I was thinking “oh yeah you want to come and F me up too. Is that what you plan on doing”. Suffice it to say, I made up an excuse why I couldn’t go. But it scares me. When am i going to feel better. When will I be able to open my heart again? If this is what my life will be what would be the point of living?
Maybe this is just your bodies way of telling you that right now, maybe isn’t the right time to date, and that you still have some healing to do. Maybe?
You are indeed the voice of reason in this crazy situation.. Thanks positivagirl you’re absolutely right. As much as I would love it to be so … I’m not ready. I’m not healed yet.
I’m just wondering, do you feel like you are eventually taken advantage of by others too? Or, that your boundaries or person are not as respected as that of others? I just ask because, I read a lot of conversation on here lately about Aspie adult women (Asperger’s) and, I read in the article someone posted a link to that the “frequently being taken advantage of” issue is something of a problem for this type woman.
PR sent me the link also and I read that Positiva also relates to the symptoms. I do as well and have discussed it with my therapist. Before the soc came along, I felt the “being taken advantage of” scenario happening. The soc was just the worst and most pronounced example.
I don’t really trust people most of the time, and I feel like, if they can find a weakness in me, they WILL exploit it. I often feel it happening and am disappointed they are okay with exploiting me (ironically, I consider it a weakness in their character). Obviously, once I know their own integrity allows them to do that, I trust them no further if I have to work with them, or distance from them if it was a more personal relationship.
– “a weakness in their character”. I have also felt taken advantage of in some “friendships” business and personal relationships, limiting contact. I thought it was me. Being too nice etc. I appreciate the new perspective. Thank you.
@ jusagurl actually no. I know I’ve always been very kind and kindhearted but I’m also very strong and very assertive even as a child. And also with previous partners. Its just that this so has made me question every aspect of who I am. Prior to him if asked What do you bring to the table? I’m the drop of a hat I could list all my attributes. But now ….. I know they’re there but I’m not sure I’m enough anymore. Of course there have been people who have taken advantage of me one way or another ….. But nothing that I think about or that’s affected me negatively in so so many areas ofymy life. Where moving on is so very hard.
Hi Cammy, I can relate all too well… I have to say that along with sociopaths men in general are raised or collectively gain status/self worth/inflated egos from being sexual predators and manipulating women at least into sex.. it seems to me like half of them give or take are dangerous and predatorial though not to such an extreme as spaths…and my horrible relationship with a sociopath has just made me more aware of this sad reality than most women or conscious men in our world. Since then a couple other horrible guys have tried to get close to me to take advantage of my vulnerability, and succeeded…luckily I had no emotional investment and easily got them out of my life. The good news is most guys out there will not try to f** you over anywhere near as much as you have been, but even small things might trigger feelings and memories making it very painful for you. It will get better with time, it definitely has for me over the past 3 years though still sucks a lot of the time. There are men out there who are wonderful people and aware enough of these issues to the point that they will be good friends, support and hopefully a love match.. They are rare though so look to date men who are really worthwhile and caring and not just neutral or not receptive about what you’ve been through. It’s taught me not to give my emotions away until I know what someone is truly about, whether they have a grip on reality, and if I can’t get a read on them I won’t even get close. Reality is harsh and I feel very cynical too….but use your new knowledge and intuition and you will start to enjoy dating again.
That is exactly how I feel… no trust in people, especially men.
How do we pull ourselves out of this? I am miserable, a shell of who I used to be, happy, open, caring… now I am so kicked down, how does this terrible feeling go away?
One of the comments say she feels incapable of liking anyone, let alone love. That is how I feel, nearly 4 years after my sociopath go me pregnant on purpose after a VERY short time of dating (so out of character for me!) and dumped me, made my life a living hell and signed away all rights to his daughter and never helped with a single thing, financially or as a father. I’ve had a couple of short-lived physical “relationships,” and I’m finally dating someone. Three months later, I realize I feel nothing for him. I’m almost a little annoyed he’s in my life. I hang out with various guys who want to date me (although I have no interest in them) and lie to him about who I’m with. I manipulate him in little ways and completely hold him at bay. I don’t even have a warm feeling of friendship or appreciation for his nice treatment of me. I actually resent that he wants me to take time out of my alone time of reading, crocheting, writing in my journal, etc. to go out. I have never been great at relationships, but I never remember feeling so FLAT about someone, either. My dad asked me one day if I see myself single forever. I realized I did. He looked kind of sad about that…and this coming from a dysfunctional family with all sorts of relationship issues who doesn’t really have serious conversations about this stuff! In short, I kind of feel like I’ve become my sociopath. Cold, unfeeling, manipulative and incapable of love. I guess it will take longer than I thought. When I was so broken and miserable for the first 2 1/2 years of my daughters life, I couldn’t wait to shove MY relationship with someone else in his face. Now I could care less if I ever have one again.
Having a relationship with YOU is more important Gog
It sounds like you need to go back to basics and begin empathizing, sympathizing and celebrating with others in general. Don’t take this the wrong way, but until you can feel something more than resentment, an intimate relationship is just unfair to the other person.
You may have been more psychologically impacted than you thought. It sounds as though the people you’ve dated have been worthy so, at least trust (from your perspective) shouldn’t be a problem. You are missing love and empathy. And, I’m no therapist, but I suspect the resentment you are harboring has nothing to do with the poor guy on the receiving end of your lies and dispassion.
Highly recommend you get with a therapist and work through all the anger you have towards the sociopath so can refrain from mis-channeling it onto others. It may seem really unfair what the soc has been able to do to you, that if they can do it, well h*ll, why can’t you? The question you have to answer is, is this really the person you want to be? The low bar the sociopath sets may not be hard to rise to, but patterning after it will drastically impact the quality of your life experience… especially with others and, as you are seeing, with relationships. It doesn’t have to be this way for you.
Hi, I’m back. On 24th July it will be one year since I have spoken to the abuser. I have been dating someone for 6 of those months, all in terrible pain, which I have not disclosed to the new partner.
Yesterday I have found out that he disappears every two weeks, I think he has another woman, I have asked repeatedly he denies. I feel the same deceit and secrets that the abuser left me with, I’m fed up! I have told the new guy to go, and now I feel even more empty than before. I have done all the excercises and now I’m here.
I an beginning to think that this horrible feeling of emptiness and despair will never leave me alone. The dye feels like it has been set. At the same time I have received messages from the abuser wanting me back, I laughed and yes the pain of wanting him is now distant. I won’t go back that’s too painful yo know that someone who is no good for you want to be with you, rubbish!!
I keep myself busy and now I’m tired of it, it seems like everything I do just goes wrong, tears are in my eyes cause I think I have misjudged someone else, he seems to me the same lies to keep me on board, he has nothing and I have everything still cause I’m a nurturer and a keeper. I’m fully train personnel practitioner and know how people works, it’s a shame I did not see the hurt coming to haunt me for a while after even when the relationship is fully over. I need more links for this problem of mines, a year has gone by and I feel rotten today. Empty, confused, depressed, anxious and lost. When is it going to stop????????! I’m not angry anymore but lonely and tired of the deceit that I attract from me!!
wow, I so relate to everything on here…….I am so sorry for all of the pain that these people cause us……They have no understanding of it, nor concern……We can get through it though. We can love again, we can be stronger. This web site helps me so much.It always reminds me of the reality when I miss him, and I miss him………I will love some one else, but not now, now I will take care of me, even on the days when I want to curl up in a ball on the sofa and cry……Like today………I read this blog and feel strength…….Thank you.
Aw thank you Paula, and sending you a huge hug x
Curl up in a ball, throw a favourite movie into the dvd player, or listen to music that touches your soul, grab some chocolate, or icecream from the freezer, and let it all out…..
Crying is good, and healthy, it clears the toxins from our body x
Hey – and also tell yourself, instead of ‘I miss him, I miss him’ you tell yourself… I MISS ME… I MISS ME !!
I feel lucky that I didn’t let him completely isolate me…probably a product of my situation…. When looking back though, I saw the effort to isolate me. He would tell me how much he was sure he would hate my best friend if he met her. He was always very opinionated about where we went (likely scared of running into another one of his girls) I hate him and I dont’ want to waste my energy on that.
Sociopaths can be found in other less intimate circumstances.
I worked with one and when I realized what he was doing to isolate and to discourage me, I drew a firm line outlining the consequences if he continued. His behavior changed instantly.
Later I became his manager and during a business downsize terminated his employment with us even though his work was of high quality. I regretted losing the talent that was also a part of his sociopathy, Others suspected he was a closet alcoholic who would not admit it or seek help.
He certainly fit the psychological profile. Without ever knowing true empathy for others he was destroying himself as well as the unsuspecting. I have read that some form of addiction is common for sociopaths.
I strongly affirm the advice given here. Get out of your situation and get in control of your life, again.
I always wondered why I felt this way. I was such a beautiful, kind young woman when I meet him. I had just lost my both my parents 6 months before I met him so I was vulnerable. I wanted to be kind to everyone and understanding. Little did I know he just saw me as weak and naive 😦 He played my fears against me and belittled and humiliated me to the point I felt I didn’t deserve any better. I was made out to be the crazy one when I stood up for myself or had boundaries. It was extremely painful and debilitating.
Huge hugs to you Meghan. How they target the bereaved is so cruel, sick and depraved. I am sorry you lost your parents. This happened to me after my daughter died too. It was so painful.
I know now my ex is a sociopaht, but what am I that still seek for him, tell him I love him.
Yesterday before my friend sent me the link of this website, I told him I wanted to meet him. After I read this información I should canceles. Instrad I went and kiss him and told I love him like if the cheating never happened like if him being with her ex in a relationship this days is a lié. We don’t even talk about the fact that a month ago I broke with him. It was like we were the happy in love couple.
Am I a mentaly insane?
26 days ago my world exploded. I learned in an insane way I had been in a 2 year relationship with a sociopath. I have read when they start to lose control of you they lose control of themselves and can act out. I have anxiety and depression and I never realized he was preying on that and causing me to sinker further and further into despair to the point I could no longer hold down a job. I sought out help and started taking natural supplements and they were working. I was gaining control back and started doing theatre again. He posed as a black mailer and took over my Snapchat account, threatened my sister if she didn’t send him nudes he would post nudes of me to all of my friends and family. He went as far as to act as if his account had been taken down as well and we knew it was pictures he had I never sent photos before him. He started contacting my friends telling them to make my sister do it or else. He sent photos to my sister. He faked a panic attack saying the blackmailer was endangering his family now and my sister had to do something. All the while he’s holding me saying we’ll figure this out and acting as if he’ll solve this. After two days of harrassment he claimed he’d got the blackmailer to stop and he had to do deplorable things but at least it’s over. He did it for us me and him and he doesn’t care what the blackmailer does to my sister, calling her trash and pathetic. Wanting to forget everything that had just happened telling me he misses me and wanting me to move in. We eventually got proof it was him called the police and he lied to them saying it was an ex of my sister’s. I broke up with him. He told me he was bored and my anxiety and depression would never get better and I’ll never amount to anything and that’s why he did it. He faked disturbing self harm photos and suicide threats. He told me he wishes he could fix this that it’s eating him alive and he’d do anything and he always loved me he just made a stupid mistake. He finally received a restraining order and he immediately contacted me telling me I’m pathetic and this was uncalled for. More and more lies have been coming to my attention through the last two years. He’d lied about entire conversations, he’d lied about events, I believe he was the one who slashed my tires. I lost my job, my friends, my self worth, I was a wreck. Writing this out I see I didn’t do anything wrong. But I get so many thoughts that I let this happen and sometimes I miss him I guess cause he made it to where he was my whole world. Somehow him shutting me down and acting like it was his choice to not contact me really hurt. 26 days ago what I thought was a safe relationship exploded and I began to see what it really was. The last thing he needed was to convince me to cut ties with my family. Convince me they didn’t think much of me and he was on my side. Thank God they were never going to let go. Without my family I would have moved in with him and I don’t know what would have happened. How do I regain self respect? How do I trust myself? How do I continue forward without fear and anxiety of every little thing. I feel a heavyness in my heart and every time I get a message or call part of me wants it to be him. It’s awful! I’m 27 and lost two years of my life and feel like I don’t know how to get back to reality. I’m trying to force myself to find reality and keep moving forward but it seems so much easier to give up. To listen to those voices he put in my head. He gave me my self confidence and he ripped it away. I know I’m rambling… I just want to know how to let go. I think yesterday is the last I will hear from him. It’s good and yet feels bad.
Hi, while i am so sorry for what you are going through, and where you are right now. I wanted to say, I hear you. I understand you. I have changed your name, for your safety so that he won’t find you here.
What you are describing is absolutely Sociopathic behaviour. Never doubt yourself on this.
I am just starting to share my posts from date order, from the very beginning of this blog on my facebook page which is https://www.facebook.com/datingasociopath/
When I began writing this site, I was where you are now. He would still stay around for years, so I was writing it, as I was in it…. I can relate to the detail that you are giving in your comment.
Is there any way that you can access therapy at all? This can help you to get a safe space. Healing and recovery can take some time. He has manipulated, abused, controlled you, gaslighted you. Played games with your heart, mind, emotions, life. The most unbelievable games. But, they are games that I can relate to, as I was once there too.
Some top tips
1. Get therapy if you can
2. It is good that you have your family, who love you. They will help to remind you of who you really are.
3. Try not to spend too long working back to who you once were. Let that go, and focus on who you are today (otherwise you focus on loss and that can be upsetting)
4. Try to reconnect with things you once loved. Or people who mean a lot to you. People who can mirror back to you the REAL you. You have lived in a world with an altered twisted state of reality, looking at life through his eyes, not your own. So spend time with those who will help you to remember who you are.
I know you think that yesterday was last you heard from him, but I doubt that is true. He will be back in touch, so it is down to you to implement the NO CONTACT rule. (search on the site explains)
Also I am just returning to my site after some time away. As like you, I was left with an altered sense of reality and needed to take time out. Go to therapy. Sort myself, and my own life out. So I am just going through this website, and have started (today) publishing blog posts from this site, which start back in Feb 2013. When I was right there, just as you are right now. Facebook page is https://www.facebook.com/datingasociopath/
I will try to come back if I can find posts that could be helpful to you. All I can say is it takes time. But you wont heal if you allow him ANY time in your life. No contact. Which means no contact at all. Cut him off. This man IS a sociopath. He will not change. He cannot heal or recover. What has happened is NOT your fault. It has happened to me. It has happened to millions of people who have came to this website. Stay strong, you can do this!
Sorry, the last comment, I repeated part of my comment as I lost the comment response and started to write it again. Not realising what I had already written was still there.