Welcome to the site – Dating a sociopath

I wanted to say welcome as there are so many people visiting this site. I have slowed down on writing articles, as I didn’t want to repeat myself. Every time I went to write, I found it was repeating a post that had already been written.

I began to write this site in Feb 2013, at the time, there wasn’t anything that I wanted online that I could find, so I decided to write my own work. I didn’t want something that was serious, or psychological, although I appreciate that the subject matter is.

The final sociopath in my life, was to teach me patterns of the socio/psychopath of relationships (two) that had came before him, and a narcissist too. I don’t write about narcissists here, I try to focus on sociopathy, as I think the behaviour is specific, and as it is mostly hidden the effects can be devastating and confusing for the victim.

This site began, as, at the time I was writing to the sociopath in my life. As any of you would know, if you have dated a sociopath, trying to raise anything that they have done, is never going to achieve anything at all, as the only response from them would be

  • Be angry
  • Blame you
  • Say what about what someone else has done (deflection)
  • What about what you have done (projection)
  • Another war would begin

I grew tired of the wars and battles that we had, so I wrote to him online, or at least that is where I began in the very early days. He had moved out of my home but wouldn’t leave me alone. No contact wasn’t easy, and pretty much impossible at that time. If I tried, then I would have

  • Threats
  • Third party abuse
  • Shouting and yelling outside of my home
  • World war three
  • Police at my home

Doing it this way, at first was easier. I would smile, and say nothing as if I were dumb, and knew nothing, then wrote a post. He knows all about this site, and the posts that are written here.

We went our separate ways in 2013, and I continued to write. Despite all that I knew, I took him back in 2014. For the first six months, things were not too bad. By the end of the year things were rapidly going downhill again, and we were back in the crazy circular pattern of behaviour that is the sociopath.

Sociopaths do not change, you need to know this. They don’t and cannot change. They will bring

  • Drama
  • Destruction
  • Chaos
  • Mayhem
  • Stress

To your world. Even if they don’t mean to, they will almost always bring this, it is like an inbuilt switch within them.

I had two relationships, with the same man. Firstly back in 2011/12 he didn’t care about me. I was just a supply to be used, he had no emotional connection to me at all. I could have been anyone.

By 2014, he did care about me. I was valuable to him. But – his patterning of behaviour repeated, albeit nowhere near as bad as it was in 2011/12 when his behaviour was out of control.

There was change though, and I would be a liar if I said that there was no change at all. When I first met him, he didn’t work, although he faked a lot of jobs. By 2013 he did get a job. I didn’t think he would keep it, but he did working 12 hours a day.

That said, he is still a sociopath, and still does sociopathic behaviour. We split in January this time without the ruining and smear campaigns (he couldn’t do further damage, I was left so damaged there was nothing left for him to damage). We went our separate ways on amicable terms, both dated other people.

I had written back in 2013/14 – that what is important, is not who they are, but rather how their behaviour affects you. What is the impact on you? How do you feel about you when with this person? I know that I had a negative response when I wrote this, and certain people strongly disagreed. I still believe this to be true. We are all different. For all the drama caused to my life, for all the losses and damage, for me, it was not that bad. That doesn’t mean that I tolerate bad behaviour, it just didn’t affect me too much. I had as a mother been through teenage years – which was hell, being with a sociopath can sometimes be similar to having an angry teenager. Almost as if they are stuck in teenage years, like kicking out at the parent that they want to hurt, or at least this was my experience.

They are all different, and the final one in my life, was a funny guy. At least he made me laugh, and often he made me laugh hard. He also made me angry too, upset, frustrated.

When I began writing this site, I had given up work a few months earlier. I tried to write this, as my work. But like most things we enjoy in life, it doesn’t pay the bills, I therefore had to return to work in the real world.

While I have written this site, my real life work, is working with vulnerable people. It is work that I love, so I don’t have time to write this site so much anymore. I will, if something comes up that I observe, see, notice that I haven’t written about before.

My focus is changing and shifting, as I am too. I am seeing that it is not about them, or their behaviour, it is about us. For me, I am glad I met the sociopath in my life, I was to write this website. Which has helped a lot of people. I was to learn a lot about myself too. I am also a different person to who I was before I met him. I am grateful for that too.

Recently there is a LOT of traffic to this site, so please do not think that you are alone (11,000 people a day)…. there are a lot of people who have been targeted by sociopaths, around the world. I prefer not to call you victims or survivors, you are more than that. To exist, live through, the relationship with a sociopath is beyond the scale of what is normal. Pat yourself on the back that you have got through, or if you are still going through, I promise you will come the other side, far stronger and wiser than you ever knew that you could be. You are stronger than you realise.

I want you to know, if you are still in it, or thinking of returning or still in contact, that the game with the sociopath will continue, for as long as you allow it. Life to them, is a game…. and other people are players in the game.

Nikki x

15 thoughts on “Welcome to the site – Dating a sociopath”

  1. This site has literally saved my life and helped me to see what was happening and why and kept me from blaming myself. It’s only been 2 months since my breakup, after a year of craziness, and I feel great without him! I feel like the lucky one who was able to escape without too much damage. It helps that he actually left me and seems to have no interest in ever talking to me again, but that’s what makes me lucky. I know if he did want to talk, I might be weak and show compassion for him again. This site, even though I feel strong now, reminds me what they’re capable of and why I need to be vigilant about keeping my distance and stay aware of the red flags in future relationships. Starting this site and maintaining it the way you have is such a powerful and amazing way to help people and I admire you so much for doing it. From the bottom of my heart…THANK YOU!

      1. Your web is really help me, i am male, my ex-girl is sociopath, after 5 years since we separated, for the first time i did not realize, because she spread smear un detected, only awkward sign of impression from all my friend, until her mask is slipped. she has been smear campaign all my social media account. My email, all social media (FB, etc) and blackberry account has been hijacked, so she has know all my private thing and use it spread smear to all my female and male friend. I am not sure how deep she has dig all my account, she try to expose my private problem to humiliate me and let all my female friend know and do not want to be my friend, she also can create social situation to trap me and to get humiliate/crazy/monster prove about me and to use it as prove so she can spread that i am a crazy one. i always try to make new save account but still it will leaked. she always try to get my attention from third party female, sometime i am difficult to choose who has not get exposure from her, what should i do? Thanks deni

  2. Thank you for writing this post. Your experience is so similar to mine. What really rang through is when you wrote how you took him back and that the first 6 months weren’t so bad but buy the end back in the same pattern. Oh and how you nailed it with the law! I always wondered why he uses the law as an answer to everything but reading about why I heard alarm bells going off. He ALWAYS does this. I’m at a cross roads in deciding what to do with him – but you have cleared all that for me. Thank you for helping me where others couldn’t.

    Sent from my iPhone


  3. As you already Pos, and I must say it again…I owe you my life. It was STOLEN from me. I almost felt soulless, wiped out, mentally beaten to a pulp. You gave my life right back to me. I’ve spent MANY hours here with you, studying very hard, repetitively u til finally….it all “sunk in”! I will never ever be able to thank you enough. You’re the only one on the internet that really helped me. I made it!!!!! THANK YOU!! ☺️💕💕💕💕

    1. Yay go you!! Me too you know. Back in work full time and rebuilding my life. I will never forget this blog as you were all part of my journey too. It is still unbelievable to me that this site has had 1,250,000 visitors since Feb 2013. Amazing. So pleased to hear that you are doing well. Your comment has made me smile woohoo go you!!

  4. As my knowledge grows, I become stronger. Thank you so much for this life saving site. As I fall further down the darkness of the abyss, I found this site as if it is a gift from above; an answer to my prayers. My sociopath discarded me a month and a half ago for the 4th time, taking my pride, dignity, and soul with it. I am left shattered in a million pieces and it feels like the world, as I knew it, has gone dark and cold. I’m bewildered, dazed, confused, frustrated, angry, delusional, hurt, vengeful, depressed, humiliated, lost…every negative feelings that could humanly be possible are within me right now. I had a mental break down just last weekend and attempted to commit suicide twice. I stumbled upon this site last night while desperately searching for answers to what had happened and why I am in this state. I’ve been vigorously reading every posts on here and reading every single responses and comments to all the posts. Everything that are written and discussed, were as if my story is being told. I finally found some answers to the madness and for once, since the sociopath entered my life two years ago, I can finally see the small glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. I can now see a glimmer of hope that has been eluding me for so long. Could it be possible that my life can be saved and can I survive this horrific ordeal?

    1. Dear Dimentions, I’m here to tell you that you will recover,it will take time. I was involved with my Mr Crazy for just a year too. But the aftermath took me almost 15 years to fully recover. Suffice to say I dumped him not him me, He quickly moved on to another target and has had many ,many more in the intervening time of which none lasted. .He is now old,miserable and ugly as his Facebook ‘photo testifies, and looks as evil on the outside as he is on the inside,It does not alter the fact that I regret the day I met him and fell for his ‘pity play’ stories,but I am reassured to discover he has got his Karma,and by the looks of him will not attract any future victims since his ‘good looks’ have disappeared (as that was all he had),there was nothing inside whatsoever. Be strong the pain does go away and you will never ever be fooled again.xx

  5. I believe that I may be involved with a socio-path. Antisocial Personality Disorder. I would like to share my description and ask your honest opinion. The thought that he may be a socio-path frightens me as we live together. Where do I begin?

    1. Hi Jatire, either here, or there is a section called ‘share your story’ as I know that a lot of old readers still read that part. So this might give you additional feedback too?

  6. I was in a relationship with a narc/sociopath, for one year..I went no contact 5X…the last one is working. it has been 23 days of no contact….yes I love this site, I dont feel so alone and see some of the same abuse that I suffered, so do others… He suffers from MS on a daily basis and has had a series of mini strokes, he drags his left leg, due to the MS….he is dumb, cant spell, he is a pig, found his opened email with all kids of sex sites, prostitutes (men & women) late night bootie call girls…porn and even child porn…dating sites 5 or 6….he is a retired old crusty dairy farmer from Ewen, MI….beware, he goes after young girls & boys, he likes them skinny, and he uses his 2 adult daughters as a source for supply…why would they let their 63 yr old dad near their friends? he has moved on to someone new now…but I did report him to the Michigan FBI for child porn, he most likely will get out of that, just like he dodged all the other bullets in his life….he seems to get away with murder…heartless, soul less…hope he rots in hell forever!

  7. Forwarded this to my 27 year old daughter who seems to gravitate toward sugar daddy figures. 98% of this is dead on. They are like heroin and if you keep refusing to comply with treatment and go back to your heroin, it’s on you. Thanks for the good site.

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