The sociopath as the financial con man!
Sociopaths are opportunists, and will cease an opportunity whenever they get the chance. If their motive from you is money, when they meet you, they will try to the following con trick
- Tell you that they are financially stable, perhaps have ‘temporarily’ fallen on bad times
- Offer you a false business background, which portrays them in a good light
- Reflect good morals and values – so that you think that this person is ‘trustworthy’
- Will lead you to believe that they will be in your life for the ‘long duration’
By telling you the above, a false sense of intimacy is created. You receive the following messages
- This person is just like me
- This person has the same morals as me
- This person is trustworthy
- I am going to be with this person for a long time
- This person will not let me down
The sociopath actually makes you feel like he is doing YOU a favour, by having this opportunity, and in the long term you will ultimately both be happy. You feel like it is a JOINT decision. He is that persuasive.
It is just a trick. A con. By leading you to believe that you are investing in someone who is:
- In love with you
- Financially sound
- Trustworthy
- Stable
- Here for the long term
You begin to see things as a TEAM. The sociopath is very good at persuading you to see your relationship as a team relationship. You are therefore led to believe that if he is in trouble, or needs help, then you should help him (afterall, this is a partnership), he will send you messages, so that you believe that this is morally right like telling you
- Stories of his past – how responsible he was – how he paid for his ex
- How he can make this much money….
- How he can create a beautiful future together for you both, if only…… you……
- Offering false credentials
There is always an emphasis on WE, the way that he does it, you do not think that you are lending HIM the money – you feel that you are paying for a life for both of you.
The sociopath has you believe that your money is OUR money. You are lured into thinking that you are in a very long term relationship, where you share money. If you have been in a long term relationship previously, the relationship with the sociopath – mirrors this. It feels the same, so you are lured into it.
EXCEPT……
Whilst you are putting in real hard money, all the sociopath is putting in is an illusion – ‘words’ and false empty promises, that will never come to fruition. It can be a while after before you start to object.
When you do object, YOU are made to feel like you are causing problems in the relationship. As time rolls on you wait for the return of money, there will be more
- Stalling for time
- Delays
- Excuses
You become more anxious. The reality is starting to hit you. But you don’t want it to be true. This can’t be happening to you.
The ‘true love’ that you were involved with suddenly starts to look very different indeed. The truth begins to unravel. You ask for the money back, there is more stalling for time.
You see, you were conned and tricked, into thinking that you were in a REAL relationship. One that is loving, caring and sharing. You were duped as the sociopath mirrors the true love connection. You thought he was going to be there for the long haul, when the truth was, he was there until your source for supply ran out.
As he pushes the relationship forward fast, he creates a false sense of intimacy and trust, of a relationship that has been built over time. He uses words, and false empty promises as his down deposit, and a false sense of morality, to build trust and a false connection.
Whilst you were thinking of soulmates, marriage, love, and happy ever after, unity, teamwork and sharing. He was thinking only of himself, and his own needs.
The sociopath doesn’t think long term. He can’t think that far ahead, he thinks only of now, and ceases opportunities whenever they arise. Unfortunately, you were an opportunity, a financial opportunity. The sociopath isn’t in the relationship for ‘love’ at least not how they have sold it to you.
Afterwards you are left stunned. Not only has this ‘perfect’ relationship ended, you are also left, in debt, or with thousands of your money gone. Sometimes they steal possessions too.
You might contact them to get your money back. Rather than say ‘no’. They simply will continue with the lie, and do more:
- Stalling for time
- Excuses
If you try to get it back. They will threaten YOU. Report you to the authorities for harassing them. Will tell people how you are crazy and you won’t let go. At the same time, they will allow you to believe that they will give you the money back….. sometime.
Dating a Sociopath 
Yes . A perfect analysis of the situation . Very frightening …. And very real
Hearing your stories helps..
At first I allowed the sociopath to move in with me because the place he lived in with uninhabitable for a human. Once I did, he started giving me his paychecks. I was very shocked and also impressed, I had never had a man do this. I guess I took this as he was a good man, helpful and with good morals. Eventually, we were married and he ended up working when he wanted to, I carried the weight of supporting us. My salary was much higher than his. I lost my good paying job, because the company I had worked for moved out of state. So, I had to start at another job and had to work my way up all the while losing quite a bit of salary. We started a business, in an effort to bring in income. A bit part of that company included him answering the phone. He would only do that when it was convenient for him. I was the only steady income that we had. I believe the only reason he stayed with me was because I was stable and I supported him. He could mess around with all of these other women for years and years but he always knew that he could come home and had a place to sleep, had a place that he could be fed. He use to call me his “ride or die” wife. I guess that means that I’d be there no matter what until the day I died. Well, I decided not to ride anymore and I filed for divorce last year. Now he’s with another woman, and I’m sure he’ll do exactly the same thing. In fact, I know he’s screwed around on her. Eventually, the point will come when he uses her financially.
Hi June, welcome to the site. Thank you for sharing your story. Sociopaths are sneaky, corrupt individuals. they will be there for you when it suits you. You say that he moved in with you, and started paying his way – you know that this was an illusion of HIM contributing towards you. He knew full well at this point, that he would get a greater reward from you. he was just putting a downpayment and investment. I can hear your pain in your comment, and that you are hurting. You are right, someone like him will not change. Would you say that you are a person who has low self esteem? I Just ask this from the first few lines of your comment, and your expectations within a relationship. I suspect that he played on this to give you the illusion that he was this good and moral man, so different to other men that you had met. He was likely registering your emotions and responses – they are constantly learning about you, so that they can later mould and control you. For whatever it is that they want.
“He”…hey ladies i get it you got hurt, but seriously i suspect you all get duped on a regular basis if you are in business. it a simple rule my single mother taught me – “DO TRUST PEOPLE EASILY” it not about “he” it about them. I see these men and women in business all the time…when you have money and you are in business do you simply trust people – no of course not that you make you a stupid business person right? There are allot of female sociopaths out there as well so you should not use the word “he” if your trying to teach people about sociopaths. The term is also applied quite loosely, since a con man or woman does not make you a sociopath. Lots of women get with a guy not for love but because that the best they can do, and they anchor him with a baby for security so they don’t have to go back to work or because they want to move in and take half his hard earned wealth, i assure you this happens more to men than to women. I go to lounge with lots of these divorced women and they are not shy to tell you how they took there spouses for a ride and made there money. That said you need to teach your kids male or female NEVER get with someone who makes less the $50K, if you make more – you will be pissing away your hard earned money, since they can NOT contribute to your growth, just naturally take from it. You will pay for vacation nor them since all their money will go to match expenses and you will be the ONLY one with money left over (i am speaking to both sexes). If they make less than even $40k for sure you will also be paying for expenses. it 2015 June and it seems you did well for yourself, perhaps you should look more for your financial equal initial before falling in love – I would never go out with a woman that makes less than $50k, there is a huge chance they will have a poor appreciation for MY hard work and how i got where i am. Women who make more than men and take on the savior role, should be prepared to be used because some men, just like some women have no respect for themselves. When i was divorced and financial ruined i met several women that i know i could have moved in with…and if i was a sociopath i could have taken them for whatever i wanted, but that’s not how i was raised. Good luck and start using your heads, initially instead of your hearts.
sorry for the spell errors, was in a rush but wanted to add my comment.
Mr. Rational: Very well said and the complete truth. I don’t want to be a Savior to no man. And just to add.. if in the beginning a woman starts paying for everything in relationship .. it will end the same way. RED FLAG- He is a user
I was conned into paying for him. Ugh you know my God they are clever at getting you to pay. I would say I was a pretty strong woman yet he would trap me into paying for him time and time again.
Yes some great points! I never AUTOMATICALLY trust anyone, you cannot afford to, its a crazy world out there. Think rationally folks, head not heart definitely, and trust your GUT. The head, heart and gut should ALL be in SYNC. Is this guy all he says he is? Do your own background checks, meet his friends and family first before he meets yours, check he’s working, don’t date guys not working and take pity on them, you will end up mothering him, look at payslips if possible validate who you’re speaking to. Check THEIR phones, naughty maybe, but its your future at stake? (this has saved me much heartache trust me!) Do not date men online, its like Russian roulette. All they do is fish for information, Do you work? What do you do? Do you own your own home, business, car etc? Live alone? Should NOT be opening lines! Be wary and tell them nothing too personal, they do not need to know and just always remember to put your safety first. Maybe a thread of preventative measures could be started on here that will help those who know they may be vulnerable and also for those who may be susceptible second time round? Ignore men who only text when initially dating, chances are you are one of many, remember this: boys text, men call….give them only a spare mobile number at first too…only move to the bedroom once you know for sure that you are exclusive, make them wait as long as poss in fact. Keep quiet on date one, hard yes, but make sure they pay for the meal and note how they pay for it, are they staring at other women in the room too? They reveal so much that we ignore to our cost later on (usually they just talk about themselves!), Note their body language too, read up on it, get damn savvy, note any awkwardness and or fidgety behaviour when asked personal questions they don’t want to answer! Do you work? Ever had a criminal record? Have you ever cheated? Been married? Hit a partner etc. Hope that helps you swerve some of the nutters out there, best wishes to you all 🙂
Yes indeed. I know somebody who was lured in, and he used her for money. The last time it happened, she found out he was using the money to cheat on her. The amusing aspect is she actually likes the girl who he did his cheating with. I hope he doesn’t do this to her.
I respect ur comment Mr Rational…but, I would like to add one reply, even tho ur comment was left long ago…
Women falling pregnant to snare a man. Considering the ONLY true birth control men HAVE (other than vasectomy) when engaging child-bearing women IS condoms…U’d think they’d INSIST on using them, unless they were prepared for a slip-up & stop expecting women (many nearly strangers) to take full responsibility. This OLD excuse, that’s been going on for decades…shouldn’t STILL be the EXCUSE of MODERN men, not ready for kids. OH…but she just doesn’t feel it, if u’r wearing one? She’s lying! No, it’s more like men USE that excuse, too often – one, bc they don’t know HOW to use one & still appear sexy, or two, they have never researched the right condom for themselves…so maybe, it’s time to find the right condom for U! Technology has changed, even in the condom world! As a woman…I’m sick of having to carry condoms around for LAZY men.
Get a coil fitted 99% reliable but condoms should still be used until you both go for a hiv test, if he refuses then don’t sleep with him as he clearly doesnt consider your welfare. Why would you want a guy like that. Don’t take risks, esp if he turns out to be cheating.
And women on that last comment of mine…DON’T believe a guy that tells U…he had a vastectomy unless U SEE the medical certificate of affirmation…& make sure, it’s genuine. I’ve watched LIARS hurt other women with such LIES.
I got conned by a childhood friend with whom I trusted emphatically. We knew each other since we were 5 years old! He posed as a Priest in the Mormon church. All he did was take my money, steal my jewelry, my coins, and silver certificates. It makes me sick. I consider him mentally ill… posing as a Priest… multi personality, narcissistic sociopath. I left after 6 months of moving in with him… he had horrible mood swings, drank, took drugs and that was not confirmed until I was headed out the door. He put a knife to his chest… I’m glad I made it out safe. I pray that women really keep an open mind. Don’t fall for BS. take care
I also lost about $175,000 to a Greenfield Capital broker and 2 fake binary option website as well but I am sharing my experience here so as to enlighten and educate everyone that is losing money or has lost money to a scam binary options, dating scams and fake ICOs.
However , I have been able to recover all the money I lost to the scammers with the help of a recovery professional and I am pleased to inform you that there is hope for everyone that has lost money to scam.
you can reach out to them by searching for Miguel Aruso (cybercrime Investigator) on Quora.
I am pleased to hear that you recovered your money. At least you have managed to get back on your feet.
What if you don’t have money, and you’re in debt yourself and they’re aware, but they take out fast cash loans in your name without your permission and lie about they’re whole life, what was “my” sociopaths gain? I can’t quite understand what he stood to gain from me, at all actually. He is definitely a con man!