It might seem an odd concept that if a sociopath doesn’t feel emotions, how is it possible to experience jealousy?
Sociopaths can feel jealousy. The sociopath sees you as a resource that he owns. He barely has control of himself and so he needs someone else to control. A sociopath will see you, as a part of himself.
Sociopaths like to:
- Have control and be in control
- Have ownership and dominance over you
There are two types of jealousy that you will experience with a sociopath
- Fake Jealousy
- Real Jealousy
A sociopath is very capable of faking emotions, at least when it suits him to do so. Usually this is so that he can manipulate, deceive and use you. He might not feel genuine jealous feelings, but he will display these feelings to you. He does this, simply to control you.
‘Acting’ jealous can isolate you from a friend who is the opposite sex – when he deliberately accuses you of ‘doing something’ with this friend. Alternatively, he can ‘act’ jealous about plans that you have made with otherpeople that he isn’t involved with. You will protest at how ridiculous this is. This person is just a friend, or that you have planned to do things with other people. But the sociopath will act furious, and will feign hurt, and rejection. He acts out this role with such gusto, that you will be fooled into thinking that he actually does believe what he is accusing you of.
Fake Jealousy is a manipulation tool, designed to control you. By faking that he is feeling jealous, he reasons that you will feel guilty. To stop any further drama, you will likely feel the need to stay away from the friendship. The sociopath will act hurt, in fact, he might actually go as far as to ‘cry’ in front of you. It won’t be real tears. They are very good at turning on the tears, and feigning hurt and injury. This is done in an effort to make you feel bad, make you feel guilty, control you, and to remove people (who he perceives, could in the future be a threat) from your life.
How can you tell if it is fake jealousy?
Fake jealousy is relatively easy to detect, when you have been with the person for a while. You know:
- It has no bearing on reality
- The outburst associated with it is VERY dramatic
- You feel like you are being controlled
- You feel like you are being manipulated
- You are being told… not to see this person ever again and you will be warned under the guise of jealousy, of hurt feelings, of rejection. Or even, under the guise of ‘having your best interests at heart’
You will be made to feel bad. And how you are made to feel bears no reality to what has happened. His reaction is way over the top. And nothing you do or say will make him stop bringing it up. Well nothing apart from you saying that you will have nothing more to do with that person again.
Why does he fake jealousy?
He will fake jealousy if he fears that this person is
- Advising you to leave him
- At risk of taking your time, therefore removing his total control over you
A sociopath will find it difficult to manipulate you, and control you for what he needs, if others are in the way. He does have a genuine fear that others might take you away from him. The reason why he thinks this is because he fears losing control.
It is never about LOVE it is always about FEAR of losing control.
- He does it to control you.
- To stop you from exposing him.
Whilst a sociopath might seem to be the bully and the controlling manipulative man, at the heart of who he is, is an insecure man. The sociopath is a weak person.
A sociopath can therefore feel jealousy of you, or others in your life for the following reason
- Fear that you will find others more interesting
- Fear that other people have real qualities, that he is faking and you might go off with them (thus losing his control over you) and a loss of supply
- Fear that you will talk to others about him, and he will be exposed
- Fear that he is losing control over you
A sociopath will therefore react strongly, and you could see the narcissistic rage occur. Jealousy can be felt. But it can be real or fake. The biggest difference between the two is that with fake jealousy, because it is a manipulation tool, the sociopath can fake it for a long time, and is heavily dramatic – and nothing will stop him raging about what he says he is jealous of, until he is sure that the source of the threat is removed.
A sociopath who is jealous can be dangerous. A sociopath who is jealous is likely to display narcissistic rage. If the jealousy is fake, NOTHING will reassure him. Nothing but removing whatever he is jealous of out of your life.
This is how people become slowly isolated in their relationship with the sociopath. It becomes too much trouble to have others in your life. Sociopath’s know this, and play up to it. The less people you have your life, the more he has total control over you.
Words © datingasociopath.com
12 thoughts on “Sociopath real and fake jealousy”
Firstly, I think you should change the gender reference to ‘they’ rather than male. My partner has all of the traits of this condition and she is being ‘nice’ to me since I walked out of the house we bought together and wants a clean slate saying she understands how unfair and controlling she has been. I have lost all of my friends and almost my son and daughter because this woman convinced me to think her way. Even now, I still love her but know I can’t live with her. However I am still finding it difficult after 8 years to let go and make a new happier life for myself and my family.
Some articles are written ‘they’ and some I write he/she, often it comes back to editing and then I write he, simply because it reads better, for no other reason, but I do agree that it can apply to both sexes. When I get down to final editing, for a book, then I will change it.I am going to write a post about the difference between male/female sociopaths. Write about a female sociopath, as there are some differences, it is said that only a small minority are female compared to male. But I do wonder whether this is because of traditional male/female roles. In that traditionally the male went to work, and the woman stayed at home took care of the home whilst the man earned money.
The last one that I was with, if he were female and I was male, perhaps his sociopathy would never have been detected, as I would have been out there working to provide for him anyway.
I know that the majority of criminals again are male, but then also the majority of convicted criminals are also male.
I would imagine that there are as many females as there are male. But the structure of society normalises a female sociopath, and even supports it.
Thank you for your comments. I think what you discuss is more common than reported. I think male domestic violence is less likely to be reported than female DV, a lot of that is to do again with traditional perceptions of society.
If you read something and it says he (not all articles do) most do say ‘they’ most of the way through, but often it gets written he, simply for editing.
But you are quite right it does apply to females too.
Thank you for your comments. With you personally, it can be difficult to let go of someone who controls you. But, in the same sense this also stops you from moving on.
I would imagine that also if the woman has the child, that this could play a factor in control.
If you are a blogger, I would be happy for you to write a guest blog.
You need only write the classical ‘he or she’ to be correct grammatically and logically. They can never be singular.
Wow I didn’t realize the guy I dated for 4 years could be a sociopath with fake jealousy. He always had jealousy problems with me without any rhyme or reason. I tried everything I could to show him his thoughts were useless and baseless. Never once could I get him to stop. After four years of his control antics and telling me that he was devastated that he even put me through it all. Asking for forgiveness, pleading that he would get help, which he did briefly, didnt help at all. So After one of our countless break ups he said a friend of his wanted to set him up on a date. I said to him, your not healthy to be in ANY relationship with your extreme jealousy issues?. He said casually” oh I can’t stop it if I wanted to”. At that moment I realized this man is so sick in his mind that nothing ever good will become of him in any relationship. I lost all respect, love, friendship, everything that I ever felt for him, gone in an instant. I always felt heartbreak during our breakups For some reason the last final one to me was a huge relief and I don’t even cry or miss him, it’s only been a month too!! Reading this article, after reading EVERYTHING about jealousy i never heard of this, A sociopath with fake jealousy. As soon as I read it, my jaw dropped and it was so enlightening to my situation. Wow great information the best ever!!!. Thank you!!
Wow I have had an epiphany. My ex would accuse me of sleeping with someone in my house while he was alseep, that I was so good it this I could sneek off while he took a nap and fool around with someone. I gave him total control, I was with him 24/7. I lost my best friend of 4 years bc of him. I am trying to get my bff back, wish me luck.
I am afraid to post this because he might have my phone tapped or be able tell its me. He was very violent he broke my TV, put huge holes in my walls, and some holes are bullet holes. He got rough withe mWow I have had an epiphany. My ex would accuse me of sleeping with someone in my house while he was alseep, that I was so good it this I could sneek off while he took a nap and fool around with someone. I gave him total control, I was with him 24/7. I lost my best friend of 4 years bc of him. I am trying to get my bff back, wish me luck.
I am afraid to post this because he might have my phone tapped or be able tell its me. He was very violent he broke my TV, put huge holes in my walls, and some holes are bullet holes. He got rough with me twice the second time was the last, I called the Police. Verbal abuse was a daily thing.
I should have known sooner when both of my cats where afraid of him, they would also let me know when he was in REM sleep bc they would both come and get and give affection when they knew he was asleep.
He also explained all of this drama that he put me though under the “fact” that he has PTSD. So before I found this site I was reading about PTSD. Its funny his ex emailed me from his phone asking for his black t-shirt that has the word psychopath on it that she has bought him… Was she trying to warn me? I know the shirt is real I saw it, but I don’t have it.
And one else tired of hearing the phrase “I never lie”?
Yes, one of the things that they do, is to reinforce into you, key words of what you are looking for. Promising that they are exactly not what they actually are. This is all part of the sociopath game.
– I would never lie
– I would never cheat
– I wouldn’t hurt you
Animals are smart….
If you post and have concerns, try to use a different name, and to keep yourself safe. Only once did I have a sociopath track someone down here. That said my sociopath tracked me to a site for healing – and I just continued to write – and write even more about his antics, the more he got mad about that the more I wrote (and so this blog was born). Sociopaths don’t really care. You can’t really hurt them.
I know a lot about PTSD, and have a good understanding of it, as I suffered with it severely for many years following the death of my daughter who died, I thought I would die too, and I was trapped for almost a week. What caused his PTSD? Someone having PTSD is not an excuse to abuse you.
My ex said the exact same thing “I never lie.” Or “I can’t lie to you”
Only after reading about fake jealousy I suddenly understand a lot about the psycho ex that ruined a huge piece of my life. The jealousy being fake explained EVERYTHING about why he made such a drama and…..here it comes….ALWAYS sabotaged every attempt at getting clearance about his accusations! He pretended that investigating stuff was beneath him because of course he always was right and he had such a big heart to forgive all the countless men that I supposedly had extreme SM orgies with. And his family and friends defended him saying that he was just insecure and I gave off the wrong signals. But it was all a cover up because he knew darn well that he was lying and was just intimidating me in being in total isolation and he enjoyed making me squirm and cry. It was all a theater and game to him and I was nothing more than a toy to kick around.
Always beware when people sabotage any effort to expose the truth. This is what proves that they are not misguided, nor delusional. It proves that they are simply lying to create drama that serves their purposes.
Hi, I just have one question that I can’t seem to find an answer to. Do you think it is possible for a sociopath to still feel jealous or posessive over you even after THEY have discarded YOU? My ex was the one who left (thank goodness) but I notice that sometimes, she seems to be trying to have some type of dominance and I can tell it bothers her that I’m moving on, even though she left. Is this possible? And if so, why do sociopaths want posession of us even after they have left?
No, it is about power. Control, and that dominance bond that they hold over you. It isn’t real jealousy like we know it. it is more in the terms of ownership. I guess they want control over you, simply as they see people as possessions of theirs, not people in their own rights.
What do you mean, when you say it bothers her that you are moving on? How does she know that you are moving on?