One thing that a sociopath feels is ‘dupers delight’. A sociopath doesn’t feel too many emotions. He can feel lots of things, anger, narcisstic rage, jealousy, paranoia, if it’s a feeling. But they don’t actually feel real feelings like other people feel. Its kind of an empty space.
Because of this sociopaths struggle with boredom and ways to get excitement. One way that they can get a rush is by manipulation and deceit, and deliberately conning someone. This is called dupers delight. The rush that they feel when they are conning someone who they feel is more stupid, and can’t see through their lies.
When found out, they do not feel bad for hurting you and they do not feel remorse or shame. Instead they feel a rush of endorphins, which for a sociopath is described as dupers delight.
This can be addictive. An addiction to experiencing that rush of endorphins. And so, they repeat this behaviour again, and again.
This is one of the reasons why sociopaths cannot be rehabilitated. They cannot change, because they feel empty inside, they become addicted to this rush of adrenaline that they feel by conning someone. To them, it is your own fault for being so stupid, and so gullible, and if you take them back, they will only do the same thing over again, thinking you must be even more stupid than they thought you were originally.
They will make empty false promises, that they will change, that they have changed. But these are merely just words. A sociopath lives on words. Unfortunately, there is rarely any correlation between words and actions.
i agree….full of empty words…their actions speak louder than their words as you give them more chances
OMG my ex-gf was exactly like that. We had been together for 6 years and every single time…… she made me false promises of things that she wouldn’t do it again, but yet she did it again like 100 times. And to think I was a kind person to kept on forgiving her and I stayed with her, but it was awful. I’d rather be with a psychopath if I had the choice. At least they know how to apologize. Being with a Sociopath was the worst thing in the world. They’re even worse than a cheater!!!! At least cheater would admit their fault. Sociopath would cheat on you and tell you that if they’re cheating in front of your face……. then it’s not cheating. It’s impossible with these people!!!! Waste of time. They would looked at people up and down (checking people out in front of your face) and tell you that they’re “studying” people. No matter what they do to you……….. it’s never their fault. They’re always in the right and you’re always in the wrong. They have no morals and conscience or integrity. So embarrassed of my Ex-Gf behavior.
MEL…. Be proud you know… She is a DODO Head!!!!
I never understood until now, the source of supply I was for him.
I don’t have $$$, property, etc…. I am ‘bait’ for him.
Being almost 20 years younger & beyond my control, exotic looking, I land him not only horny, lonely, jealous/envious women but the praise from other men. When I confront him with proof of his lies/cheating behavior, his reply is always “Oh come on, seriously, do you really think I would be with her over you?”
It has taken me YEARS to figure this out thanks to you and this amazing site. I have no more years to live as ‘bait’.
Yes I feel you. My ex would also cheated on me and made me feel like I was the crazy one. She always said “You’re paranoid”. Or “You’re insane”………. eventhough I had proof of her cheating with dofferer people. She still denied it and make me feel like I was a jealous freak when in reality……. I was being normal like any normal would feel if they’re being cheated on in a relationship. I felt mad and betrayed. It’s ok because karma would get to her and one of thesa days……. she would date a Sociopath without knowing it.
Got out of 7 month relationship this morning and found this site today. OMG is all I can say. This post made me laugh out loud and have to share.
One evening she gloated about how she would intentionally insult the ‘dumb’ coaches at her kids school by making comments that went over their head. At the time I thought it was odd that she had no remorse for being downright mean. She actually said they deserved it for being so dumb. The look on her face was one of pride or victory. Now it all makes sense! Glad I got out so soon.
I can’t believe I’m back.. This site helpede so much the 1st time round – then… He came back! He was so sorry and vowed to spend the rest of his life making it up to me ?!?! Anyway.. Obviously it was all rubbish lies and now he has the opportunity to smirk at me again .. I feel like a dead rat and him the cat just tapping me with his paws to see if there is any life left in me😦 I hate myself
I know its easy to say, but please don’t hate yourself. They are good at selling you the story how they are are ‘just about’ to ‘recover’ and how things will be so different this time.
But its in their brain, and the same thing repeats. This isn’t a reflection on you. I expect that this time around you have learned more that you didn’t know before. This will help you to keep stronger, and the quit wont be quite as bad as it was the first time.
Welcome back x
Ha. Heard “words” for 4 of the 6 years!!!!!! The first 2 years I didn’t know they were just words or he was still on his best behavior. He tried, hard, that’s for sure, finally his true self came out and we had a new baby when it did. The only signs the first 2 years were jealousy and self harm, (punching himself in face), or crying on cue, which at first, seemed like genuine tears. I bought that bullshit many times, so passionately sorry, loving and apologetic! Sometimes, even now, I want to believe, but I don’t and I would never let him know that! I let it go in one ear and out the other. Told him numerous times he was a fool if he thought I would believe 1 word that comes outta his mouth!!! Broke EVERY promise he’s ever made… and I mean EVERY ONE of them! From getting a job to coming home at night!!! Oh and the best one of all, “Shiny rings in your future baby”!!! Towards the end I would just get so angry, angry with myself really, I couldn’t take it, I couldn’t cry much anymore so all that hurt turned to anger and though I directed it at him, (the reason he said he couldn’t be with me or why he’d stay out all night, was because I was so mad all the time), and he would ask me, why can’t you just be nice to me”?and I would say, “apparently you have ALL the nice you need elsewhere”! Why should I be nice to the person who took everything good from me and gave me things that were unhealthy, mean, meaningless “leftovers” as I called them!!!!!
It was when the “party was over”, that he would cry for me, beg me to forgive him, there were times at the end where I said nothing, I was indifferent, even a few times I was sweet as pie, forgiving, loving, just to see what he would do and he did the same thing, left me night after night, home alone, broke, with our child, sometimes for days!!! I knew it didn’t mater what I did, if I was sad, mad or happy, he was treating me poorly, because I let him. That’s when enough was enough, my daughter didn’t need her family together if this is what her family life was going to be! She needed stability! She needed to know faithfulness and honesty, not that this was acceptable behavior from a man, even if that man was her daddy!!!! Poor example I was being by staying, and he was being by not staying!!! Some things just can’t be, no mater how much you wish, want or think you need it, running for my life is what I finally did, and though I don’t regret a lot, the very end of it all, was my most losing time, and no-one should allow a man, or woman, to take them into the ground!! Run before you lose everything, like I did!!!! Starting over at my age has taken it’s toll on me, both financially and especially emotionally!!!
~Connie
I am going through a divorce right now as we speak. My sociopathic husband of five years left me no other choice but to leave. I chose to live alone and heal myself. He cheated on me with several prostitutes he also cheated on me with his ex. I was full of narcissistic supply. All the clothes and all the Nikes he wears are all from me. I took him on so many different trips. I did so much for him I take his kids in and played mommy to them take care of them went to their parent teachers conference is to come to school pick them up did the homework. I’m a bikini competitor and I used to be a dancer. When I met him he was so charming and so good-looking I fell in love with him that same week I knew that I would marry him. He said the same thing about me. But the lies started that very moment I met him when he only told me he had one kid and five months later I found out he had it a six-month-old as well. He constantly lies about doing drugs cheating on me things that go on at work he can’t tell the truth to save his life. I finally took a stand. I’m very attached to him and I love him. But I must move on, I tried to a year ago and went back to them. The house is mine so he left today I finished packing his stuff and his kids stuff. I have an appointment with the divorce attorney Thursday. Since he knows it’s over he is become so mean evil disrespectful and inconsiderate. He doesn’t act like a normal person would after screwing up their marriage over prostitutes. He had everything with me and now he’s lost it all. I have to MoveOn.
I broke up with a sociopath a year and two months ago (after just 3 1/2 months with him). It started so wonderfully and I thought I met a truly kind (and yes, nice looking) man, the love of my life. But, after a great start, it degenerated into a continuous game of 1 + -1=0, and/or bait and switch. For example, one time he gave me the choice of (1) going to dinner at his home (supposedly his mother invited me), and/or he would bring a dinner to my home after work. I chose to eat at his home. After, while sitting together on his couch cuddling and watching TV, he accused me of trying to seduce him, and then when I was leaving he scolded me for accepting the dinner invitation and said I should have chosen option 2 (the meal being delivered to my house). I told him that in the future to only say what he meant – to play it straight.
I hoped it was just a bad night for Mr. Wonderful, but this sort of behavior continued in so many ways. It was mind boggling – a never-ending bait and switch, at times surreal. There were also numerous minor lies, and even now I find out about even more lies. There was also the drama he instigated. He was a master at making other people his puppets for humiliation, and was also embroiled in a lengthy legal battle. At the end I was subject to two screaming tantrums. He asked me to move in with him one morning- I said “no.” He then distanced himself from me by day’s end. He works for a local town in a role that is normally well-respected, but this man is not a nice guy. He plays the hero, but has an underlying contempt for the people he helps. I suspect him of doing worse things to others – beyond what he did to me, but only witnessed suspicious behavior – not enough for proof. I just don’t agree with forgiving people who have no remorse, and my counselor has been supportive of that. Socios rape others emotionally. You have to get strong; turn the anger in to a lesson learned; use the lessons learned to protect yourself from the socio or others like them; and know that someday, somehow, their actions will catch up to them.
i agree
This makes so much sense!
Are you going to write a blog? You really should!! Its good to get it out of your system.
My sociopath told me that he adopted his son as a single man whilst making a documentary in Armenia and seeing this child born! Lies, lies and more lies!! Married a ‘friend’ to give his child a mother. What a load of crap! It is obvious that this child is their biological child. He is still married to the wife……is it possible that he is only a sociopath to me? And the wife is well treated??
Did you think when the lies came out – omg? How could you say this? It was OBVIOUS that the truth would have to come out in the end…. they must know this. But they get SO caught up in the lie, it snowballs and becomes bigger and bigger. Until – they ARE the lie.
If he was cheating on his wife with you. Then NO she isnt being well treated
Yep. Describes my narcissistic ex gf to a tee. She loved doing that. What a sicko. I believe she would rather con and cheat someone out of $100 than that person just give her $200 from the heart. Oh,she would take the 200 all right. But no head rush. Not like when she CONNED someone out of it. And when she duped someone-usually me-she would always get that smirk on her face. Someone called it the ‘sociopathic smirk.’ Good term for it. Like ‘ha ha I got 1 over on you,sucka!’ Like I said,what a sicko. Hard to believe people like that really exist.
I know…. and they do get off on it!
I had no idea he was married! I found that out afterwards! I was devastated that he had lied to me!
I ended my relationship with a sociopath about one month ago. I had an idea that he might be a pathological liar but after reading this website (thank you) I have realized and confirmed that he is a sociopath. It is hard to accept the reality that this person you think you know, you actually do not know at all. And I believe that it is the most heartbreaking things to accept – because this also means that if you attempt to rekindle or allow that person the chance that they request back into your life, you are putting your heart into an empty vessel. How can anyone knowingly put their emotions and energy into 1) A Stranger and 2) A Liar ?
Luckily, I have had some similar instances on a much smaller scale in the past, so I was able to have a clearer understanding of the pattern of these types of characters. I was with K for about 10 months. In the 4th month he said ‘I love you’ and by the 8th month he wanted to move in together. I met him online, and even from the moment I met him he began his story telling and lies. For example, he told me he had tattoos that weren’t on his body. Silly of me I know, but I just figured in my mind that it was a white lie – he had told me he had a big ego – so I figured ‘well, it’s an online site, he didn’t know that we would connect the way we did, so maybe he told a white lie” and I dismissed it. However, as the relationship progressed he would often make empty promises, about having tickets to a show, or making plans to go on a vacation, or buying me something I never asked for, all of which having the same result – I would never hear about these things again and it was as if it just disappeared. The last straw was when he forced me to agree to let him take me on a vacation for my birthday (I wanted him to use the money for things he needed, and do something smaller for my birthday in the area) – and then he completely never brought it up again. Like, he had a 2 hour argument with me about this, I gave in and accepted, and then he never said another word about it.
He lied about other things, like having a car. Within the ten months I knew him, I saw this supposed vehicle about 4 times at best. I live up the block from a train station, so he would take this train to me every weekend over the course of our relationship – always saying that he just ‘didn’t like to drive.’ Around the same time that my birthday was coming up, all of a sudden he got in an accident and his car had to be towed. And (this is when it gets funny), that same week, guess what! His bank account had fraudulent activity! Apparently ‘someone else Deposited a fake check into his account and also withdrew the funds.’ Anyway, then he tells me he hopes that I “Won’t be upset if he doesn’t have a lot of money in the next few weeks’ since his account was frozen and his entire income was going into the frozen account to pay for the negative balance. Honestly, all of this was just becoming too much.
I asked him for proof of these things – he gave me a screenshot of his bank account that said it was frozen and asked for my apology! I told him it’s a good start, but what about the car? He told me F* out of here and then I explained to him very civilly how I felt about this questionable activity – and then with his lack of response I told him I would talk to him later.
He’s a coward, I never heard from him again, not even on my birthday, I contacted him to let him know how wrong he was for that after that fact, and he cowardly told me I deserved someone better, ‘He was trying so hard to convince me he was this person but he wasn’t actually trying to be this person’ and that it spun out of control. THE WEB OF LIES WE WEAVE! Then had the nerve to say, “and if I asked for another chance?” When I told him I wasn’t interested, he told me I probably already replaced him. And then blocked me! Like a child .. and a coward … and the little b” I now see him to be.
The messed up part about it all is that I would have accepted him without a car, I would have even maintained some respect for him if he just admitted to his lies outright and accepted the responsibility instead going into silent mode the way he did. After reading this website I now see that all of his actions were to manipulate and control. I believe that the lies go deeper than I can ever know. Even if I were to take him back, there would be more lies and I would never know the truth. And with that I must accept him leaving my life, for the better of my mental health.
The one thing that saddens me is that I had a serous back injury during our relationship – one to the point of extreme pain and immobility. He was there for me every weekend, when I woke up screaming in pain, helping me walk, helping me stand up, washing dishes for me; all because I couldn’t do these things myself. I don’t think I could have gotten through that time in my life without him. I was so depressed and limited in life. He was truly there for me in a way that no friend or family member was. I suppose this contributed greatly to showing him a weakness in my that he could prey on ( I also realize this after reading this site – thank you so much).
I deeply apologize for the unnecessary details and pettiness of this entire story line. I recognize it fully. Unfortunate, this was my life. It’s been only a day since he blocked me. For some reason I have a lingering feeling that I have not heard the last of him. However, I know better than to think a conversation could ever reveal the answers to the questions I still hold in my heart. When you deal with a sociopath or a pathological liar, you will never understand the true reasons behind their behaviors. Attempting to is a wasted effort that I will not participate in.