Thank you!


Thank you, for thanking me!!

 Lena

March 15, 2013 at 1:14 pm (Edit)

Thank you for the truth!

themanywordsofpenelopecartergreen

March 10, 2013 at 9:42 pm (Edit)

I got sucked into your blog. I have read more than a few entries and thought “oh my God, this explains why he did x, y, and z”. Thank you

kg0614

March 21, 2013 at 7:35 pm (Edit)

I started reading your blog 2-3 weeks ago and I am HOOKED… It’s such a relief having this site to go to. On March 23rd, it will be a MONTH from when I left the miserable, mean, pathetic, lying, hostile man. I was with him a year. I have established NO CONTACT and besides a couple of horrible texts that came through two weeks ago (before I blocked them), he has been quiet. He is on to his next great love affair (poor lady) so I don’t expect to hear much…

I think a “tell us your story” area would be therapeutic so we can all tell our stories and read others’. Just an idea

Thank you for the wonderful site!

 

museconfuse

March 15, 2013 at 1:41 pm (Edit)

Fascinating blog!

 

cathartique

March 17, 2013 at 10:08 am (Edit)

You’ve become quite a prolific blogger in such a short period of time! I’m enjoying everything you have to about all things sociopath  Thanks for sharing your experiences. As a fellow blogger trying to educate the masses about PDs, I think you’re doing a fantastic job

Queen of the fries

March 17, 2013 at 4:58 pm (Edit)

I am so grateful I found your blog. I’ve just gotten out of a relationship with a sociopath and it was hell…

Psychic Pharmacy Tech

March 20, 2013 at 4:17 am (Edit)

I am currently writing a huge blog about my ex sociopath and the things I learned about myself while dealing with that hell. It was crazy and he definitely falls under the criteria you listed above

Queen of the fries

March 20, 2013 at 4:26 am (Edit)

The way you described it is spot on.. now it just makes it that much harder to open up – let alone trust – anyone that tries to come into my life… Any thoughts on how to overcome that?

theanonymousdiva

March 16, 2013 at 5:45 am (Edit)

I really liked all of the points that were made here. I’m on vacation and tomorrow I’m going to start on the lists of “Why I’m Better Off Without Him” and “Everything That In My Life That I Am Grateful For” Thanks for the tips!

littleninjabunny

March 16, 2013 at 1:10 pm (Edit)

Nearly two days after leaving him and I am, suprisingly, coping well with the no contact rule. I struggle a little as we shared a mutual friend but I trust this friend not to update my ex on my well being. It can still be awkward knowing they must talk to each other.

My food, sleep routine and general self-care is a total disaster so thanks for reminding me of the basic things to focus on. I will start a notebook soon and do some of those exercises you suggested but, right now, if I have to do anything that involves thinking of him or our relationship I might just crack up.

C J

March 19, 2013 at 8:16 pm (Edit)

This is a good blog! Thank you for sharing it with me! That said, while I’m reading through some of this, I’m definitely aware that yes, I have had relationships with sociopaths. But here’s what’s scaring me. What if I’m a sociopath? I mean I’ve done the threatening thing with the guy I had an affair with because I was sick of him lying to his partner and family. I was just bluffing but still…it scares me to think I could be that crazy.

My problem when it comes to diagnosing things…is that I often can identify with certain things they do or did, or I can relate in some way then I automatically think I’m “THAT”…whatever diagnosis “THAT” is.

Oye…my “self” is really busted up.

katrina1969

March 13, 2013 at 3:55 pm (Edit)

I can not express enough how much I can relate to your posts. You said, “The reason why they cannot change, is because they lack conscience. Which means that they feel no guilt, no remorse or shame for their actions. Not only this, but because of this, they are unable to learn from past experiences”. This is so very true. I have heard the apologies, seen the tears, heard the promises to change. All to have it happen over and over again. They feign understanding, but they do not understand. He even said (several times)…”I didn’t realize it at the time to be wrong, but now that I look back on it, I see how hurtful it was”. I call BS. He knew full well it was wrong to lie and betray or else he wouldn’t have hidden it from me. The fact is that he just didn’t care. He just wanted to do what he wanted to do and to hell with anyone else.

 theanonymousdiva

March 18, 2013 at 3:41 am (Edit)

Excellent post, positivagirl. I had the most difficult time moving on from the relationship due to the lack of closure. I kept on asking him questions, trying to understand why and how things had disintegrated. I had to move on and accept the fact that I wasn’t going to get closure from such an unstable and emotionally convoluted man. Thanks for sharing your personal thoughts – always helpful to relate to someone who’s been through it as well.

themanywordsofpenelopecartergreen

March 14, 2013 at 12:18 am (Edit)

Your blog makes it easier to accept that I’m not crazy

katrinabarnhart

March 12, 2013 at 10:10 pm (Edit)

This has been my life for the past two years…exactly. From the bombardment of love and affection from the beginning to the mean, hateful bombardment at the end it…it was my life. The isolation from family and friends was right there in the middle. I gave it all up for him, my house, my town, everything. For what? Unspeakable cruelty. Thank you for posting this so that those of us out there know we are all alone.

balancebetween2worlds

March 18, 2013 at 4:13 pm (Edit)

That’s so my ex boyfriend!

April ThursdayMar 24, 8:41 am

Oh, my! Everyday I realise that I should have known better. We are so many… so many in this kind of relationships… How did I miss it? and for 17 long years!!!!

Thank you for this! It’s a very good source to read!

katrina1969

Reading your blog helps keep me centered. You do not know how much it has confirmed what I already know. It has helped a lot. Thanks!

frantichippieMar 25, 1:33 pm

 Thanks for your blog! You and Sophia have helped me see that I’m not crazy like he’s tried to make me feel all these years. I now know to listen to that little voice inside, she knows what’s going on and I have to trust myself to know what’s best for me. It feels great to finally be free from his spell and start living my own life for me!

frantichippie

I have gained a lot of strength from reading your blog. A lot of things that never made sense to me now make sense and I can see it for what it was instead of what I wanted it to be. Very empowering! Thank you :)

mamazanderMar 25, 6:25 pm

I just want to thank you for this valuable blog. I was married to a sociopath for 13 years and am a case study with respect to the carnage they leave in their wake. The information you share truly helps to ease the burden of responsibility, shame and failure that I carry. I now know that one day, I will be able to release it. Thank you!

Raphael’s Legacy

This is a great article and I really hope more people read this because sociopaths are the biggest SHITS we’ll ever meet in mortal form and completely behind help. They destroy lives, in fact they destroy anything and everything that doesn’t fit into their fuzzy and self obsessed agenda.

Whats more and unless you know what you’re dealing with a sociopath will do his/her level best to send you around the bend especially if there’s a quick opportunity presenting for them somewhere else.

I learned the hard way just what sociopaths are and I’d never let another one into my life again……how you may ask? By accepting just who and what they are and spotting them now from a hundred yards aka your brilliant post and all their repetitive traits.

Very big thank you for sharing this wisdom, sincere regards, Barry

The Queen’s Favorite Blog Award

I have just come across a blog which is truly inspiring and touches me in a very personal way.

So, for the first time ever in the history of Of Fries And Men, the Queen’s Favorite Blog Award goes to…

20130318-014239.jpg

Dating A Sociopath by Positivagirl

Congratulations and thank you for creating such an amazing blog!! I may have learned it the hard way but I truly hope this blog serves as a warning to all the women out there. At the end of the day, the most important thing is to alwaystrust your instincts!!

And to all the fries-and-men-lovers out there, please do show Positivagirl some love and check out her blog :)

Learus OhnineMar 31, 11:11 pm

Great article!! You were right on spot about these social terrorist!

I have just nominated you for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award! Based on this article alone, I wish I could give you more.

Click to visit the original post

I am so glad I found you! Everything is starting to make sense, and becoming a relief. I can’t thank you enough!

What a great blog! I really needed to read all of this. I dated a sociopath for a few years on/off, in between his phases of dating other women, etc. When we broke up, I was a wreck. I realized I had nothing of my own in my life and didn’t know how to make any decisions for myself and I just didn’t want to live anymore. That didn’t work out (THANK GOD) and I’m still here. This was about 3 years ago and I can tell you it is SO hard to get past one of these relationships. He was in prison for 2 years and I spent a good chunk of that time believing we still had “something” even though he was doing the same thing with me and others while he was in there. Last April, I blocked him completely, but when he got released he started contacting me again. In January, I ran into him drunk at a bar and it ruined all my hard work. I should add I got into another relationship in March of 2012, 2 years after “ending” things. It’s been such an ongoing thing, but my biggest advice to you all is this-even though you think it’s been so long you’re over him and think it’s okay to talk to him as a friend because of course, you care about the guy. DON’T DO IT. Gateway back to the old ways. I’m dealing with it again now after realizing that even though I’m in a great healthy relationship, I still crave his attention. I’m starting this process over again as of right now. And since I’ve dealt with the worst of it before, I think I can handle it this time. I don’t want to go my whole life talking to him and sabotaging relationships for him.

frantichippie

Wow! This is exactly what I started realizing. After three whole years in this relationship, I have absolutely NOTHING more than I had when it began. Nothing! Not even more clothes or things, just nothing haha! He did work the entire time, but so did I. AND I’ve always made more money than him! Everything that was gained during the relationship belonged to him and I had no way to recover “my share” of any of it.

It’s so awesome reading other people putting my thoughts into words and expanding on those thoughts to help me make some kind of sense of it all. Not that any of it makes sense, but at least I know now that I must be done with this relationship forever and stop hoping for something that never existed.

THANK YOU FOR ANOTHER AWARD!!!!!

I have nominated you for The Versatile Blogger Award because you are versatile, a blogger and an inspiration to me and others. I really enjoy reading your blog and please go check out the nominations and such at:http://psychicpharmacytech.wordpress.com/2013/04/09/blogger-award-2/

mamazanderApr 12, 1:49 pm

Thank you for sharing this. An incredibly valuable message received with a grateful heart at the most needed time. xoxox

Cindy

You are helping me, and every day that I read, I feel better, and my mind is becoming clear, and I am able to push it all out so much better! I can’t thank you enough. XXX OOO

Thank you so much for articles on this site. It helps me SO much. It is all so very true. You have put in words everything what I am coming to understand about my sociopath ex boyfriend. I will write some examples from my own experience as comments on some of your articles. It’s very helpful to read other people’s experiences …we see similarity… we are helping each other to heal by exposing it. Sociopath power lessens when being exposed in its naked ugliness…truth is stronger than anything.

mirannandaApr 22, 11:45 am

I love your blog. It is such a valuable rescource. You neatly define the sociopath and their crazy-making behavior, people need to be informed.

sonjaApr 22, 9:34 pm

yes, its been tough, I pray every day I don’t hear from the guy I dated, for 4 years, he was a true sociopath. I was used my family was used. yes, im hurt, but it be worse if I married, are had kids. I did lose, my home, a car and my mind, lol. but im getting things back together. This time, Im stronger, and where I never called the law, I will. because im not putting up with no more, I ve had to delet my facebook, change phone numbers, about 50 times. somehow he follows me on all my personal stuff, gets passwords. a real crazy person!! I refuse to live this way. but yes the articles, helped me, to see the light. and to move on. and thank you.

Thank you so much for this blog. I’m crying just reading this. This is helping me so much. You have no idea. It’s all so accurate to who I’ve given my life to the past year. I was obsessed with this man that I cut all ties with friends. I didn’t need anybody else as I had my “one”. He controlled me. I thought I was happy but he also ignored me. Cheated. Had odd thoughts on life, religion, sex and women. Made me feel uneasy about at first but changed my views to his way of thinking. I feel so ridiculous that I have fallen for his lies.

Inspired to dump a …May 9, 2:39 am

I can’t say thank you enough. Knowing I’m not alone and reading my story in your voice has inspired me to FINALLY (8 years in) kick my sociopath to the curb (though I’ll be sure to cancel my credit cards and all our joint accounts first). Your blog entries are the first glimpse I’ve had at a way to move on rather than mourn the time I’ve lost and continue to try and salvage the relationship.

Reading this gives me the courage and confidence to begin moving forward without him.

Thank you. A thousand thank yous

Thank you for this blog. It’s helping me to cope with a break-up with a sociopath who exhibited three personas- Mr. Nice/Mr. Nasty & Mr. Cold-no emotion. One day he was telling me how much he loved me and by day’s end was finding ways to avoid me. All of what has been written in this blog mirrors what I experienced. The sad part is that some friends & acquaintances didn’t and/or still do not believe that he’s anything but a super nice guy, and have accused me of having a fear of relationships/insecurity and/or co-dependency and discounted my skepticism about his behavior throughout the relationship. Time for new friends, and thank you again for helping people recover from this emotional trauma.

I should add here: If it wasn’t for you Nikki, I would have never, ever known about these people. I would have never understood what happened, and it would have taken me much longer to move on. Thank you so very much for helping all of us, and letting us know that we are not alone.

THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the information! A 500 pound weight has just been lifted off my shoulders. For the past year I’ve been struggling with why this man did the things he did and why my heart aches so terribly. I unselfishly gave this man more than $10,000 over a period of 4 months, only to find out he had a girlfriend even though he had asked me to marry him. My heart is broke no more! As you say, I”m now a “survivor” and will move forward each day with the knowledge that I do not want him back into my life EVER!! My only question is should I pursue legal action for the money he owes me? He said he would pay it back, but of course it’s been over a year and I have have not received one dime. THANK YOU again as I feel like a new women!!

it very amazing.i wish i find out this web site before i get hurts every thing that.i reads.that what happen to me if i know what i know now i didnt went throught the stress that monster created at least god still love me i still strong and didtn loose nithing beside fourty thousand the moneys that he stole from not important but the lies betrayal the abuse that hurt more than anything else i learn my lesson never fall for wacko again the judement day he will be burn in hell :) ))

Sue 2m
You have saved my life and so many others with your posts. Everyone gave up on me after my relationship with a sociopath, and I was on the verge of suicide many times. Then, by God’s good grace, I asked my spirit guides to send me someone who would help me, and then I found your site. I have read every one of your posts, and every time I have PTSD from what I had experienced, I always end up back at your site, revisiting your amazing, life-changing, truly validating articles and realize that I never was alone. There are thousands of us with the same life changing stories that have gotten sanctuary and validation, along with comfort and love from you. You are truly an amazing spirit, and it is so good to know that despite all of the evil that is out there, there is still exceptional human beings such as yourself to help guide our damaged souls into recovery and resurrection.
From the depths of my soul, thank you for saving my life.

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77 thoughts on “Thank you!

  1. I am so glad to discover your site! I have read most of the blogs and some quite a few times to keep me focus when I’m losing perspective. YOU are truly my support group! The spath who lives in the same neighborhood, now has a girlfriend with kid that he is going to marry. Meanwhile he’s on a smear campaign on all of the women whom he has used and hurt to make himself look good. I was just entertainment for him being a widow at 44 with no money. I bought his lies and BS! That he was not ready for an relationship or had the time.. Needless to say he played on my loneliness and I fell in love with him. He threw me under the virtual bus, with no remorse or empathy towards me. All which left me in a state of confusion and deep Depression! Then god sent strangers to me who told me the truth about him. All this time he had girlfriends, fiances and my category just entertainment! No wonder he did not have time to even take me out even once!!!! Here he was wining and dining others or taking them out for the weekend. I hope Karma will return the favor to him someday and have him pay for all the hurt and pain he has caused not only to me but others. THANK YOU for your wonderful web-site!!!!

    1. THANK YOU Becky!!! I would have inspiration to write, without the amazing support, comments and feedback, from you the readers!!! 🙂 Thank you!!

      It seems that they like to target people who are grieving and vulnerable. I went through this too!!!

      1. It’s been tough, last November he invited me over then 3 days later told me “he was ready to date again but not you but we can still text”. My heart was devastated. He earlier told me he accepted a life of loneliness, which sadden me because I was always there for him. I cared about him after all!

        I lost it not understanding why. Then later he said he was seeing someone. He knew this was ripping me apart. And not only that he said he ended all of his friendships not just with me.

        I was walking around in a deep depression, lost my job and possibly my house. I reached out to people in the neighborhood. None of them knew about me and him, even we been together for over two years! And yet we never dated. Then I got the low down all this time he was screwing other women in the neighborhood and had girlfriends and still seeing his fiancé! I told strangers I was hurt by someone in the neighborhood they all assumed it was him!

        As for ending his friendships, that was a lie, he has control over men and women in the neighborhood who would go to bat for him.

        He threatened me to move and get new friends. I did the opposite, I made new friends, along with the ones I had, plus made friends with some of his. Speaking calmly while he was yelling at me, I told him I’m no longer was his victim he has someone new for that! Then he literally crapped his pants when I met a ex of his…purely by the hand of god! Next day he threatened her and me, in which I filed a police incident report.

        Without learning the truth about him he was still feeding me lies to keep a hook in me (never give up his used supply) future reference.

        Now he’s creating gossip about me being crazy because we never dated and were not boyfriend/girlfriend. True, I admit that because I bought into his lies.

        Researching on the subject has helped me greatly. It was not me!! He’s a sociopath and preys on widows and vulnerable women. God the STD’s!

        God came into my life with karma. I am stronger, still working on wisdom. Appearance wise I look great! A miracle job came my way and I have more new friends and having fun… But it does not end there. I soon will be on the neighborhood board which he does work for. No more, he has been working fraudulently (not licensed or bonded and taking in more than $200 per job) all of this will go to the state inspector. Then I’ll file an IRS claim against him. Soon it will be known that he has taken the neighborhood for an ride. Not sure this will come to fruition.

        Threaten me!?!? Bring it on!!!

        But I miss my best friend, and it saddens me it wasn’t real!….

      2. YES! Thank you so much for everything you do.
        I am so glad you survived. I am at my wit’s end but will
        keep reading…

      3. I wanted to share my story. This is my first time responding to a blog. Can someone help me get started. I’m not part of face book or twitter so what are my options for sharing my story.

  2. I have to say this site probably SAVED ME!!! I keep on referring to it to get thru this last relationship that I had with a female sociopath. Everything in here is spot-on! Thank you for making this available to victims like us!

  3. Thank you so much this site has opened my eyes much undestanding to the heartache and break i had..it helped me so much! and still does~!!luckely i,m finding lately much recovery still sometimes in anger but i,m getting through thank you much !!!

      1. It is 2 months ago that the silent treatment started again the words before this happening where that he wanted space to think about us.its the 6th if it is not more time he has done this to me after 3 months there is a clear pattern..and i have been drained and i was not strong enough not to let him come back to me everytime.i am happy that this is the final break tough it is still hard not to be angry and not wanting clear answers to know what happened..since i found your website it has been giving me so many answers and its helpfull to read there are more going through this confusion and pain..this website has giving me so much strength! i love going here in my weak moments to feel i am strong and there is nothing wrong with me but with him being a sociapath..thanks again ES

  4. I am so grateful to have found your blog. Everything I have read here, is what I am experiencing currently.. It’s going to be a rough road ahead, and I’m not sure how I will handle it because he lives with me. I don’t want to kick him out.. Maybe he will just leave? If I cut off my energy, and all that I have given him in the past, maybe he will get a clue? My friends have noticed my normal “positive” life, and frame of mind have vanished. I am always drained now- always tired.. I want my life back! Thank you for this site, I will definitely be reading it a lot…

    1. Hi Sunny, thank you for your message. Please remember to plan carefully if you are planning to leave. Usually when you go to leave the sociopath their abuse/manipulation/control escalates. They hate losing and they hate losing control most of all. When they feel that they are losing control the mask of sanity slips and this is your (as a victim) most dangerous time of all, you might witness absolutely crazy behaviour as the sociopath tries to establish control over you – and then worse to threaten you – and threaten (and actually do actions) to destroy you and ruin your life. Welcome to the site 🙂

      1. Thank you for this advice. It is exactly what I am struggling with
        as the Soc will not let me go and has me in their web bigtime.
        So what are strategies for leaving? As I am low income and
        disabled, do I have to leave everything behind and be homeless
        to get out?
        Also, the Soc does seem to find out so many things I do,
        regardless of my trying to keep secret. I am so paranoid they
        are reading this!
        I know there are more plots brewing to ruin me…

  5. Bless you for developing this site..It has helped me in so many ways..I remembered when I stumbled on here in desperate need of answers and 99% of signs and symptoms were on here oh how I begged for it to not be true but couldn’t deny that I was dealing with one. That was a few months ago and that experience has forever changed me. How I wish I never had to go through that because I came out of it broken and thinking I lost some parts of my mind. But that was then and this is now like Katy Perry said (love that song). I am healing everyday and drawing strength from knowing that others have been through this as well. You have provided a great virtual support system and for that I thank you:)

  6. To finally be exposed to what has been my life for the past 2 1/2 years leaves me speechless. I cannot thank you enough for the information you have available on this site, as I now know I am not crazy. I feel like I’ve been searching for answers to the puzzle for some time, still believing it was always my fault. What started out as a relationship that swept me off my feet, slowly became a torturous battle for my self-esteem and my core beliefs. I lost friends, was distanced from my family… told I was insecure and had trust issues. Body image issues slowly trailed to keep up with his new female “networking” friends. To now realizing, he is the one that is truly damaged and will continue this behavior throughout many more relationships. I failed to recognize and respond to many red flags, thinking I had issues and was determined to win his love and affection back. If I just didn’t question and try to understand his actions… not realizing it was fueling his need of my supply. Being emotionally cut off, ignored, watching him spread his attention to other beautiful women exhausted me and set me further down the spiral. To feel like I don’t know what parts of this relationship were real anymore, cycles me through the stages of grief. I cannot sleep, feel like my chest is going to explode from my heart being ripped out… I constantly wish I can forget this ever happened… and then an hour later I am grateful for what I have left in my life and the lessons this experience has taught me. To find out that when I finally cut the supply off to him, he already had his next victim in line. It hasn’t even been a week and he is already living with her (I’m guessing it started even before our breakup), sending roses and posting about “feeling loved” on Facebook (and lied by saying he was moving in with a guy friend… and leaving all his furniture behind, including his sons beds). It is sad to me because many of our mutual friends still do not know of our split. It hurts to see them liking that status, assuming it is “me” making him feel loved – when it is the new victim who is falling for his charm. I want to sprint to acceptance because the hurt and anger is almost more difficult than some of the emotions I experienced at what I thought was my lowest in the last months of our relationship. I have hope… but I wish it would hurry. I want to love myself again and be happy! My family and very close friends have been an amazing support system, and I’m slowly learning which of my friends abandoned me because they didn’t like him. That makes me even more sad, but blessed that they want me back in their lives now. I will continue to consult this site as I know it will be an essential part of my healing process. So, I thank you!

    1. I am feeling exactly the same way you’ve described. I’ve been left devastated after eight years. I only hope my sleep and nervous system return to normal.

      1. It will get better! It’s still pretty new for me, but those around me already see a shift in my happiness. Journaling, counseling, this website, running and biking my ass off, finding positive people in your life and being thankful for what you still have will get you through it. Make sure you take care of yourself and find little things to be happy about. Even taking a relaxing bath and reading a magazine or book!! Sleep is still an issue for me… so I get what you’re saying. Hang in there! My chest used to be tight with fear, anger, confusion, sadness ALL the time. I still have moments where I need to refocus my thoughts and know that I’m in a much better place now. Ashamed to admit that I think about him every day… good memories, bad memories. It happened for a reason… everything does. You will come out stronger! Don’t look into the past or future… try to live “now”. I think of the hell I went through emotionally and can’t wait for the day when I wake up and he doesn’t even cross my mind! I hope the same for you!! I am already stronger and YOU WILL BE TOO!!!

  7. Oh the lies they tell… I think I got the grand-daddy of all lies told about me… My narcissistic ex tells people we were in the Bali Bombings… Somebody even asked me what it was like once& I almost choked as we were at home in Australia at the time of the event… Nowhere near the place! And apparently I have had cancer (except it must have been so traumatic that I have blocked it from my memory as I have no recollection of being sick…)

  8. I love this blog. Thank you for putting your story out there to help so many that have gone through this. It is inspiring and healing. I am a little over a month out of my awful/abusive relationship with a sociopathic woman. I come here to read and remind myself to stay away from her ploys to lure me back in often.

  9. I just got out of a relationship with a sociopath (whose description fits 95% in this site! and all the things the victim (Me) goes thru…). I lost weight, needed some medications to get through, gone through hundreds of sites to “understand” the things that happened to me for days or weeks… ONLY TODAY… after reading everything on this site do I feel BETTER. EMPOWERED. and excited with the prospect that I AM HEALING and RECOVERING. I thank God that I am free of the bondage in that relationship, that I was lead by fate to read this site and that I honestly feel, for the first time, that I am starting to move on. THANK YOU.

  10. I’m so thankful for this site! To know that I’m not alone. To know there are other people out there who experienced what I did. I just recently found out through this site and reading about sociopaths that I’ve been dating one. Actually, to be more accurate, re-dating one. My world was turned upside down. I was shocked, confused, and angry. I’m still in disbelief that I got duped this badly. I feel like I can’t trust anybody anymore, especially women. And that nobody in my inner circle or close friends will understand me. Or they’ll just think I’m crazy for claiming she’s a sociopath. In any case, this site has been therapeutic for me and I’ve learned a lot here. It’s nice having a community of people who I can relate to and that I know will understand me. Thankfully, I was able to see/recognize things only a month in this time. And I was able to dump her. We’ll see what happens moving forward. I’m expecting angry texts and emails from her. And she possibly lied about “losing” my spare key that I lent her. She might try and show up at my place. Time to get the locks changed! Haha. Thanks again so much for creating/making this site!

      1. Lots of reasons. Despite he displayed the most obvious of sociopathic tendencies. He did care about me as a person. Did turn my world upside down, but never really hurt me. He taught me so much that brought me healing. He showed me the patterns that healed the devastation that was done before. Just as all humans are different so are all sociopaths. While all might be without conscience. It is not what is in the pattern of the brain, but what is in the heart. At the end of the day he brought more healing than harm. Any harm was undone.

        It is a good question. mirroring me helped me through trauma. If I didn’t have the answers that I needed in language I understood. I might have still been stuck. Our personalities did sometimes clash. But mostly we did get on. I liked him as a person. So difficult to explain. He often provided inspiration for what I wrote. As the patterns would repeat. But more like a hapless sociopath. Or perhaps someone who displayed sociopathic tendencies. It was like he showed and explained the behaviour from before as it was so very obvious.

        I had always worked with homeless people. So I didn’t really judge people. Besides I also had quite severe ptsd. so I wasn’t perfect myself.

        I still struggle to understand the two from before. How could they do what they did. Some thoughts of actions make me feel scared and if I thought about it too hard I would panic. He kind of normalises those things from before. Which removes the panic. I understood him.

        Just as all humans are individual so are all sociopaths. (Go to sociopath world forums to see this) people are different.

        I understand this from having ptsd. Just as all people with ptsd have a lot in common we are also all different because we are individuals. Our patterns and triggers might repeat. We might all understand ptsd. But under this is an individual. It is the pattern in the brain. But everyone still has their own persona behind this. I hope this makes sense ?

  11. I started reading your blog after being manipulated by my 1.5 year on/off girlfriend, who is textbook sociopath.
    You’ve made me feel so much better, although I am just starting to realize it. THANK YOU! It was really brave of you to post your story when there weren’t other supporting voices here, cause people who haven’t experienced this think that WE are at fault because of how we take our exes back so many times and it looks like WE are stupid. They don’t realize how convincing and twisted sociopaths really are, and you have a done a great service by helping to bring attention to this issue. Thanks again.

  12. I only found this site, thanks to another ex of my sociapath (we used to abuse each other by text continually – niether believing the other – I guess it kept us busy rather than taking a good look at him)

    After about 6 years, I could not believe when I noticed a facebook message in the “other” inbox from her. Oh my god. She actually apologised because I ended up with far worst situation than she did. I think she took him back again but she has finally let him go.

    She told me about the site. Previously I had only ever read the Domestic Violence Site, I was totally unaware of the “sociapath”.
    Unfortunately my next relationship was exactly the same. I was only looking for the voilence, not the rest. At 51, with cancer 2 years ago and severe depression, it is sad to know that if i knew about all this previously, perhaps my life would be a whole lot different.

    All I can say is spread the word. I recently tried to help 2 girls who were being 2 timed by a sociapath who happens to be my very best friends’ son! It has been a month of hell. One of them dropped out and disbelieved it, at this stage she hasn’t gone back. She refused to read the site and accused me of being over the top, causing more trouble for me. I do have concern that she may go back one day, but at the moment the family court disallows her to be with him whilst she fights a custody battle.

    i hope that this site becomes more well known to save more woman from this cruel life. No one deserves it.

    Maybe years down the track there will be a register of Sociapaths that we can check up on new men lol. I wish. Or maybe they should wear collars so the rest of society know who they are.

  13. Thank you for this website! I wasted 6 precious years being hung up over a manipulative and mendacious sociopath. I gave this girl chances when I never should have. The real reason I guess behind my mistakes was a lack of emotional self-reliance and ignorance of sociopathy. Reading articles from this website really cleared the fog in my head. Eternally grateful!

  14. This blog is SPOT ON!!! The advise to treat them how they treat you is genius, however, somewhat risky- depending on what they are capable of. BUT THIS BLOG MADE ME *AIR PUNCH*!!! LOL

  15. You were God’s instrument in lifting the veil out of my eyes. I experienced everything you wrote minus how to leave and move on. As I am writing this thank you note, my tears are flowing because it is good to know that I’m not alone in this and one person is not worth the rest of the love surrounding me especially Myself. Thanks you so much – I’ll be taking my 1st baby steps from here. God bless you! Irene from Canada and Phils.

  16. God Bless You! Thank You For your positive views and worthy advice! I found this blog while googling “How to Love Yourself After an Abusive Relationship” and it just HELPED So Much just by READING Your blog Entry. I am a True Testimony on how things can turn around FOR THE BETTER better after you leave & start living but I still Struggle with Loving myself, from the inside. I am beautiful, accomplished and care for myself but still, looking in the mirror, I know the good stuff in the head but I don’t connect with my reflection on the emotional level. Don’t know why that is. Or how to better that. Any suggestions, or shell I give it more time?
    (It’s been 12 months since I left my abuser and had no contact with him since). Thank you!!!

    1. Thank you Judith, am so sorry that it has taken me so long to reply. I have just found this in comments that had gone astray. Well done for 12 months free. I hope that you are beginning to see new light and life coming back into your life.

  17. I have spent the last seven years ‘protecting’ myself from relationships just in case I meet another Sociopath. I haven’t dared or known how to trust again. Your website has really helped me unravel the confusion in my head and is helping me to understand more every time I read a bit more. Thank you.

    1. Thank you Elaine, although i do think that it is sad that you have spent the last 7 years out of a relationship because of the impact of what someone else had done to you. I hope that as you understand, you start to set yourself free. As those issues were his issues, not yours.

  18. Thank you for your writing. I have finally reached a turning point in coping with the brutal betrayal and smear campaign my ex Jen launched on me and sites like this have helped me know that I’m not alone and that there is a name for what happened. It has also helped me learn the most important lesson: it’s them, not you. You’re not crazy. You deserve more.

  19. Thank you for your writing. I have finally reached a turning point in coping with the brutal betrayal and smear campaign my ex launched on me and sites like this have helped me know that I’m not alone and that there is a name for what happened. It has also helped me learn the most important lesson: it’s them, not you. You’re not crazy. You deserve more.
    Edited: Removed name (please take down the other one) :D?

  20. All I know is I’m working on finding my inner happiness and I’m working on finder my real inner self – he will never know what it is to have either of these things …. The best revenge EVER is to live alone, find yourself, give love to yourself and be happy with you……..

  21. Thank you. I now know my instincts were right. I should not doubt myself and I am stronger than I thought. This was my salvation!

  22. Now that you are back…..I’m sending some friends here again, YAY…. One of those friends grew up with a sociopath sister (which was my bad best friend and some of those stories I published in my books from my own life). Her daughter is giving her grief as well. I’m hoping something here can help her with that. I have found a lot of other sites that have been helpful to me, but I always come back here. You have it figured out and simplified in the most amazing ways!!! Thanks again for all your help!

  23. thank you for helping in regaining my sanity. i cannot believe this was right under my eyes. i have a natural tendency towards criminal science and i cannot believe i lived with apathological sociopath for 2 years. wow. thank you all.

  24. Every word on this website is the absolute truth. It is amazing. I will make sure my children read this when the time comes for them to leave home. I hope they never get sucked in by someone like the person I know now. With the information here, I think I can get out without much more harm done than what has already been done, but it’s going to be tricky. Without this information I am sure the outcome would be much worse. Now that I know what he is, I can easier figure out the motive behind what he is saying/doing and what he is trying to manipulate me to do and what stage we are in. It is a very complicated mind game but at least now I have the instructions to the game whereas before I didn’t. I can’t thank you enough.

    1. You are welcome Marilyn, am pleased that you have found it of use and help. Please do shout out to us, if you are in need of help and support. You see, what happens, is while you are in it, to cope and survive, you end up in BRAIN DEAD mode. Your brain shuts down as a survival. He will take your energy – anything that you have and drain the life out of you. It is good that you are seeing the truth. This is step one. Remember that leaving – can be the most dangerous time, especially if this person has violent tendencies, it is when abuse escalates, so make sure that when you are ready, you get out safely.

  25. Thank you so much for letting me join your blog. It has been wonderful to read all the many stories and know I am not alone.I have read so many of your articles. Thank you so much. I knoe I have friends.

  26. So far so good. No contact from him for a week. Yeh ! Last time I left him, it was 6 months of harassment from him. This is my second time and hope my last to get away.
    Thanks

  27. I just found this site and I had to say THANK YOU for this great information! It’s only been two weeks since I discovered my boyfriend was a sociopath and I cut him out of my life. We were together for almost a year and I cared for him so deeply. I was completely charmed despite his lies and horrible behavior. I’d never been with a sociopath before and reading this information is so helpful in understanding all I’ve been through and how the minds of such people work. The advice on no contact is FANTASTIC and I will re-read any time I am tempted to send a quick text, just to “check in” on how he’s doing. I’m still figuring out the recovery and healing part, but at least I have one thing that now I know he will never have — true friends.

    Thanks again and much peace!

  28. I’ve written to you before, but I want to say thank you again. Thank you for providing this resource, thank you for being willing to put yourself out there for us, and thank you for treating each and every one of us as individuals. You, and your website through you, are a gift to us all.

  29. Saw my shrink tonight, and these articles (well, the 2 I’ve read so far) are like follow ups on everything she said. Whoever you are — you SO understand. More than I understand. I will be re-reading these articles over and over as I get over that nightmare relationship. The confusion and anger will start to lift – I know it – the more I learn about what really just happened. Thank you so much.

  30. I’d like to thank you, because of the fog I’ve been in I’m not sure how I came across your page but my friend is trying to terminate his marriage from a narcissist/sociopathic and has sent me some links. I think I searched this page out after but I do value this info , without the knowledge I’ve gained here I certainly would’ve suffered longer, Godsend, indeed.😌.

  31. I feel fortunate to have only dated a sociapath only a couple months. …
    After being totally devistated 2 weeks ago. …a customer with a counseling background. ..mentioned Sociapath.
    That night I went home and looked up the definition. …up until then…I kept wondering why????
    Now I know. …hopefully no after effects except a broken heart.

  32. My ex met a sociopath online when I ended it. But she ended up stalking him and trying to be a part of his and my child’s life exclusively. She rang family members and friends to check his absolute availability in spite of the fact I had not told them we had finished after 8 years. She turned up at his address looking for a fun time and it’s not safe for my daughter to visit her dad there, 5 months of disturbing texts and emails which he couldn’t handle… Horrible woman.. But she got bored and dumped him.. Needless to say he was elated with relief! So was I .. What a selfish woman

    1. Thank you for your comment Jojo, if you read a post that is later than 2013, when this blog started, you will see that posts here are gender neutral, and have been for years now. Thank you for your comment.

  33. Hi positivagirl,

    Thank you very much for sharing your experience and wisdom on this website. I was in a “best friend” relationship with a co-worker for the last 6 months and she manipulated me to no end. It did feel like she genuinely cared about me but I could only see her true colors towards the very end. I tried to reason with her by telling her that I knew she was a pathological liar but I still love her unconditionally. But she has made it her agenda to hurt my soul every single day. At this point I am just trying to understand the reason as to why she would do it. I thought that she wants to get rid of me as she is getting lots of attention in her life from other men right now. But when I am aloof she comes back into my life, propose we do something fun and then walks all over my soul during the said fun activity. I have spent lots of time on your website in the last week which helped me understand this behaviour. I want to give you a big hug if I ever get to see you in person. Thank you sincerely.

    1. Thank you mp. It can be so hurtful that someone we care about could do anything to hurt us. Let alone hurt us deliberately. We want them to come back and be the person that we thought they were. But the truth is likely as they were acting, you will likely not see that person again. At least not for any length of time. Toxic people cause pain. Sometimes the only thing that you can do is cut ties.

  34. Thank you so much for this website. It’s helped me considerably during this difficult breakup process. I still don’t want to believe the things I’ve accused her of, but slowly it’s all becoming more clear through education and support from family and friends. Think I’ve finally reached the point of letting go without any bitterness. Hopefully this time it sticks. Best wishes.

  35. Thank you so much for having this blog, it explains EVERYTHING I went through, and the P to a “t”, so I no longer have any doubts about what happened, I feel it all makes sence and in understanding I have closure and can heal and move on. I know I was really hoping for love, really wanting to believe the ‘honeymoon’ days were real and might come back, that is normal… it is normal to want love, that makes us human. These P’s do not want love, they want control. It is not my fault I was duped, I wanted what all normal healthy people want.
    Way more dialed onto my senses now, will pay attention to red flags down the road, but will not give up on finding love!!
    Thank you so much for being here for me ❤

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