There is no greater feeling, than falling back in love with your life. To appreciate, and love the small things in life. To be the person that you were always meant to be.
In life, there really are two emotions. Love and fear. Love makes us expand, gives us courage to explore, to share, to appreciate the beauty is all around us. The colours are vibrational, warm and vivid when you live a life in love.
When you live in fear, you are paralysed. You feel unable to move forward and the world becomes dark, still. Colours are gone, there is no light, instead what was once light and vivid, becomes shaded with grey. The shadows are everywhere.
You seek out others, to find the light.
Here, can be the difficulty. Sociopaths target those who are looking for the light in others, rather than the light that exists within, and all around you. Common targets, are the bereaved, the heartbroken, the betrayed, single parents, the elderly, anyone seeking…. just seeking.
Believe me they will step in, to fulfil the vacancy that you were advertising for your life – for their own merit, and the destruction of yours.
Stop…. sit in the silence. Do not be afraid of the darkness. Instead, try to focus on the light that is within and all around you.
Start small. Be brave. Begin to trust yourself. Keep your world small, and grow from there. Each day. Every single day, challenge yourself to do ONE thing that will make you smile. It can be absolutely anything. From watching something you love on netflix, to doing art, writing, going somewhere beautiful, take a trip around where you live, see the beauty, as if you were a tourist for the first time. Start LIVING again.
You do not have to stay still anymore.
If your sociopath is still around you. Please know that there will never be any improvement or change while they still are. They are master manipulators, and you will remain confused, disorientated, and certainly living life in darkness – just waiting for them to shower you with some ‘faux’ light.
The light, and the life is within YOU. It is within YOUR connection to YOUR world. The things that bring YOU joy. It is true, that while in a relationship with one, they can and likely will hijack your life, your interests, your passions and dreams. That does not mean that those dreams are no longer there for you. You just have to SHUT THEM OUT. Put up the wall and reclaim your life – for you.
Seek professional help, if you are feeling emotionally/,mentally damaged. It will help to speed up your healing. Sociopaths HATE you being in therapy and being told the truth. A professional can help as you need more than anything someone that you TRUST. Who is there to help you. A person you can sit with, in confidence, who will help you, to find the you within again.
Therapies that can be useful EMDR (for those with PTSD), CBT, Gestalt therapy. It is a lie that you will be forever broken.
Celebrate how far you have come. Reward yourself. Link back into things, people, places that bring you fun. And if you have lost people out of your life (as many do), let those people go. You need people in your life who love and believe in you – anyway.
Don’t expect too much too soon. It is a recovery process. A journey. Log your successes along the way. Reward yourself.
Trust yourself
Love yourself
Do one thing every day that makes you smile
Expand as time goes on
Reconnect with your passions
Perhaps move away from what causes trigger trauma
Block the sociopath forever
Be around good people
Eat good food
Treat yourself well
See the beauty that is around you
Don’t expect too much too soon
Stay with the present. ONE day at a time
Make sure you get enough sleep
Start making plans for the future
Close the door on the past, start celebrating your life for today
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Dating a Sociopath 
This is very timely for me, thank you. Eight weeks out, still being terrorized through horrible texts and calls, stalked and hoovered. The only reason he hasn’t been blocked is because he is so unhinged that he is finally putting everything in writing, and I want it in case I need it.
That said, I’m commenting from a 5 Star resort in Arizona. I planned to take him to a weekend for his birthday. Instead here I am, by myself eating whatever the hell I want, not worrying what I look like in a swimsuit (I am 120 lbs and he literally couldn’t take my gross weight anymore, it ruined our vacations), spending way too much money on myself and trying to find happiness just being alone. It’s a process, but I am trying.
Have a wonderful vacation, enjoy everything that it has to offer. The last time I was in a 5 star all inclusive hotel, I was with psycho – he threw his phone into the sea, before we left he had convinced people that he was ‘at risk’ of harm from me!! Didn’t tell work or anyone that he was going on holiday (that i paid for), threatened to jump in the sea and drown while there, shouting and yelling to upset the people in rooms next door, so I was in fear we would be thrown out of the hotel. Then a call from police as he had been reported as ‘missing’ and they thought harm had come to him. SO MUCH DRAMA. Really, enjoy your drama free holiday, it sounds like it is much deserved!! You did right not taking him with you!
I also understand about keeping evidence of what he is sending to you. Is there anyway that you can put ‘block’ on your phone? That way all messages go to your block folder, and you don’t have to read them,or be upset/traumatised. Equally you have evidence that you can refer to if you need it at a later date.
How do I join this group
Thank you so much this is so so true, i am just beginning to see the colours of my life again after 4 years of living in the dark dark place of falling in love with a conman from the Dominican Republic, he stripped me bare, i didnt know how to laugh, i didnt know who i was, i could not believe the cold hearted callous actions he used against me time and time again. I am full no contact and my government annulled the marriage, but you message is so powerful to give hope that you can live again and fully recover. Beautifully written. For anyone who wants to read my journey my blog is heartbreaktoparadise. I turned my world inside out and came out happier.
It has been just over 4 weeks since I broke up with the sociopath boyfriend.
Something that I find odd is that I am slightly upset that he stopped trying to contact me after only 3 days. Because I am financially ruined and he has all the prizes.
I try to block him from my mind, I am successful a good portion of the time but he sneaks in.
My terror has finally ended. I am starting to heal and Iām in the stage that I am reading anything and everything to try and understand why I miss him. Iām mad st myself for feeling that way. Reading this helps me to know that it is normal and I will move past it. At least I have silence now that the horrible messages have stopped and I can now focus on me and putting my life back together. I canāt do anything to get back my home that so had to sell because he was terrorizing me every day and night but I can buy another. Hopefully Iām on the downside of this nightmare. The only thoughts I have right now are that my Prince Charming turned out to be the monster under my bed and Iām determined to vanquish him forever.
Gina, you and I are going through the same recovery. I hope knowing you are not the only one gives you strength! Keep posting how you are doing š
Itās amazing how much money I am NOT spending since I broke up with him (the sociopath)
NO I canāt and Iām slowly decaying . Iāve been trying and Iām tired and getting older wrinkles and ugly . Nobody will want me and Iām alone, I canāt even stand the way I look. My skin is disgusting. I canāt even look in the mirror
Dear Tammy, please don’t say such things about yourself. Of course,if you are feeling run down you are not going to think that you look your best. Particularly if you are comparing yourself to who you were before you went through abuse. It can take a toll on your body, and your face BUT this can be reversed. I remember when he left my life in early 2015, I took a photo of me. I looked old, haggard, tired, thin. I was exhausted and it showed in my skin and my hair. I thought that the damage was forever, how upset I was, that he took not only years, my life, possessions, money, but also my looks. The light had gone out of my eyes, and I looked like some crazy person. You could see the dead in my eyes. I remembered how once I had quite vivid eyes. BUT…. you know this was all temporary. I am still that person 4.5 years later. I certainly look a lot better than I did back then. Joy registers on the outside of how you feel within. If someone had said that to me, I probably wouldn’t have believed them. But it really is true. Moisturisers with retinox in, can reverse the stress wrinkles…. start taking care of you. Treat yourself like your own best friend. Love you. Do things that are good for you. It does take some time, but I promise you that you can change this around. I am sure that you are truly beautiful on the inside anyway. When you find that inner beauty you will shine once again from within.
I was with a narcissist for 13 years I am now in a loving relationship but his abuse still affects me. See my blog
I am pleased to hear you are now in a loving relationship bailey. Sucks that his abuse could continue to affect what should be living and happy for you.
I know I am one of the lucky ones as my experience only last 4 x months. Unfortunately my 5.5 year relationship with a Narc did so much damage that I was easy prey for a sociopath. He seemed like the dream guy, good looking, kind, sensitive, caring. Was in constant communication, I thought I’d found the one. Then things just weren’t adding up, I busted him recently about where he lived as he lied and said he lived with a housemate and it turns out he’s living with his mum. I actually didn’t care about that and asked if there was anything else he was keeping from me. He said there wasn’t but looking back I’m not so sure, like I said things just weren’t adding up. He always controlled when we saw each other and it was him coming to mine at weekends and him being fed and getting sex. He was hard to resist as I have never felt anything like it. I really did feel that we were so connected so much so that it felt spiritual. This weekend I had planned with him to go to his and meet his mum now that it was all out in the open about his living arrangements. On Monday we were in constant contact, I went out with a friend for dinner as I am trying to be less socially anxious due to years of abuse from my Narc relationship and my Soc encouraged this which re-enforced my feelings that he was a great guy. Although I was started to see red flags, he was becoming a tiny bit more withdrawn and going silent, like when I was trying to book a holiday with him, one that we had been discussing for awhile. Also I noticed when I did say to him something that had bothered me about what he’d done he turned it all around onto me and in the end I was apologising and it took him DAYS to accept it. I was being punished. Anyway so back to this week on Monday we were in constant contact, via text and emails and calls. Then Tuesday morning I sent him a text asking how he slept and how his shoulder was, we were discussing it on the Monday night and I was sending him articles about what he can do to relieve the pain etc. He said he slept well and he had an appointment with the docs that day. So I said good and keep me posted and then I got ‘we need to talk’ so I said sure shall I call you now? He didn’t respond, so I called, he didn’t answer. He sent a text to say he can’t talk now as he’s eating breakfast but then sent me a text saying that I was acting ‘shifty’ when I spoke to him last night and that I told him I was tired yet 10 x mins later I was on Whatsapp. I said I really wasn’t being shifty and there was nothing to worry about and that my friend from Aus had contacted me as him and his boyfriend would be over at Christmas. Thinking that would be the end of it I was asked ‘well if you were tired why didn’t you just go to sleep’ I said that after I talked to him I got up and washed my face and brushed my teeth and went to bed but carried on watching a bit of TV and i asked him ‘What’s going on?’ to cut along story short he wouldn’t let it drop about me being on whatsapp, I said he can’t control who and when I talk to friends and that I was really shocked this was happening, which I was, I was so shocked I kept checking it was him. All my reasoning and answers were being twisted back to me and he even accused me of ‘over re-acting’ and how I was being wasn’t ‘normal’ when I pointed out that this wasn’t the case and it was him that was over re-acting he wouldn’t address that but kept hammering his original point. I told him that I can’t reason with him and he’s being really unfair and that i don’t deserve any of this and for him no to contact me anymore. He reply was ‘don’t worry I won’t be’ and that was it. Gone. I’m in shock. What the hell just happened? I think he knew that I was closing in on him and uncovering his lies and he couldn’t handle it so he orchestrated this argument so that I would finish it. It really hurts like hell as i thought he was ‘perfect’ but turns out I was just being used. He never used to treat me, even when I raised it with him, he used to fill me with empty promises and I started to question these and I don’t think he liked that so he wanted out š¦