Happy valentines day to you beautiful people.
Today this came up as a Facebook memory (I have obscured the face to protect the guilty). The date was February 14th, 2012. I am sharing this for those of you who are sad and maybe deluded by the Sociopath fake Facebook photos with their new victim. How happy they are, and how amazing they are being to their new victim, so it must be you, right?
Don’t feel bad, if this is you.
Sometimes the images that we see…. are not always real.
This was Valentines day 2012. I had no idea that i was being set up. I probably couldn’t have been more vulnerable. My baby had died the year before, and my grandmother died. I had met the Sociopath only a few weeks after my grandmothers death, on December 27th 2011.
He was, by now living in my home. He faked that he had a great job, but that he was waiting for pay. He had told me that he had been headhunted by a company and was line managing 60 staff. This was of course lies, there was no job, but I wouldn’t have known this.
Already he was manipulating me. He would tell me to write on Facebook how I felt about him, and if I didn’t then I was ashamed of him. Like an idiot, I complied. The scene was being set, to manipulate me to behave, so that he could control how others saw me. Sociopaths are good at doing this. They like to control everything. Life is, merely a game to them, and you, the victim, are just a mere pawn in the game. The prize, is whatever you have to take.
Only I didn’t know this.
On this day, he had came home from his fake job, as it was 2012, it was a leap year. Before you make judgement as to what a complete idiot I was. I want you to know that I was severely traumatised. I had sat with my grandmother, holding her hand as she died, only weeks before meeting him. The year before my baby daughter had died at birth.
I was grief stricken, devastated and traumatised. So, bear this in mind, when I tell you the story. This was taken exactly a year before this blog would start in February 2013.
He was funny, charming, charismatic, intelligent, and he made me laugh. I properly laughed for the first time in a genuine way since my daughter had died. I really thought that life was maybe turning a corner. .
Now this is crazy….
On returning from home, from ‘work’ (I think he spent his days in the library pretending to work), as there was no pay at all during 2012. He came home and told me that as it was a leap year, that guys in the office, their partners were asking for marriage, and that I should do the same. He knew that he had met the love of his life. If I loved him, I would ask him to marry him. He said that if I didn’t then I would miss the opportunity, and wouldn’t be able to again for another four years.
Even this, in my traumatised state felt wrong. But Sociopaths are persuasive. So, I agreed, and asked him to marry me. He made me put it on Facebook, and also wrote on his own Facebook wall, how amazed he was, that I had asked him to marry him. What a lucky man he was!
The truth was, this wasn’t my idea. I tried to object, but didn’t want a row. By making me write it on Facebook, he was manipulating me to do what he wanted. But to ensure that it was done publically. So that he could also control how other people saw me.
This photo was dulely posted on Facebook. To the outside world, it looked like we were having a warm intimate Valentines dinner. We were happy in love. The real truth is that he had no money. Not a penny. I was paying for everything. Food, tobacco, travel, phone credit.
The truth of this photo, was that he had returned home from work, manipulated me to ask him to marry him. Persuaded me that we should have a celebratory dinner (that i paid for entirely). Persuaded me to buy food, drink even flowers. Then he said ‘are you not going to take a photo for Facebook, let everyone know the good news?’ So, the photo went onto Facebook. Yet I had paid for everything. Even my own valentines flowers. But viewers to the post on Facebook wouldn’t know that. He was grooming me, to display to others, what a ‘nice guy’ he was.
The engagement and the ring
It gets better. And you might sigh, how could I be so stupid? He then said that I should get a ring. He wanted me to wear a ring to show others that we were together. But he didn’t have the money right now, could I cover it, and he would pay for it when he ‘got paid’. He wanted me to have it as soon as possible, could I loan him the money. So, I paid for a ring, ordered it online.
The day that the enagement ring was delivered, that morning, before the delivery arrived. He started a fight, out of nowhere. Then he stormed out, was on the phone, pretending to call the police, if I didn’t leave him alone. I had no idea that he was leaving with money that he had stolen from my bank account. I went to the cashpoint to get money out. Only there was no money left in my account. Meaning not only could I not pay my bills, I had no money for food.
I was shocked, and in tears. The door knocked hours later. It was delivery of the engagement ring, that i had paid for.
It would be some time later before I discovered how he had been taking my cashpoint card, stealing from my account. Would take my card and use it in stores. While I would order yet another bank card. A new card, with a new pin would come. He would have access to that too. Helping himself to cash that I had taken out from the bank. But I was so traumatised, at that time, I could not figure how ‘why’ I had no money, I just knew that I didn’t.
My nightmare was just beginning.
I wanted to write this post. Simply as it was Valentines day.
Sometimes those memories that we see, are not the ones that are real. The image that you see on the outside, is not always as it is. If you are a person whose Sociopath has moved on, and you see ‘happy‘ images of them on social media with their new victim….
Remember that this is the image that the Sociopath creates to the outside world. They don’t just manipulate you, they also manipulate the victim, to do what they want, to give others the image that they want them to see. Likely you would never discover the full truth of what was done to you. But the image to the outside world… will often be one of perfection.
Happy Valentines. The best give of love that you could ever receive, is the love that you give to yourself. So love yourself. You really are worth it!
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