Sometimes you meet someone, and the red flag is there, shouting yelling at us. RED FLAG, it is there waving on a pole, blowing in the wind. DO NOT DATE THIS MAN
Often it is just our gut feeling, the initial gut feeling. That something is not right. But we cannot place what it is about them.
Usually they are:
Funny, witty, charming, great company, often quite sexy, or they will have that edge about them which gives sex appeal (its too much testosterone), they have NO nerves, and seem very confident.
Aside from that, they LOOK very normal they DRESS very normal.
So, how are you going to know? When you meet a sociopath (i mean a proper sociopath, not one who thinks he is dexter) they are almost always, in your face and over confident. They can be polite and well mannered. After all they are charming. They ‘appear’ to be thinking about your needs. But…. if you look closely enough when he is peering at you, there is a lot going on behind the eyes. You can see him registering you, it can feel like he is ‘sizing you up for lunch’ ….
He probably is.
They are witty, they are usually intelligent too. This of course makes sense. They do not rely on their emotions like others do, instead almost everything that they do is a calculated move. If you look carefully enough, you can see the cogs working behind the scenes, the eyes can look blank, or show a lot of activity.
When you meet a sociopath, he won’t look like some crazy, with a sinister presence. Although the way that he intensely stares at you might feel slightly intense. The sociopath can carry this off, with a romantic air. The sociopath is the real life casanova and will not look remarkably different to anybody else. The sociopath:
- Acts normal (in fact so normal you can’t believe your luck)
- Dresses normal
- Appears normal
- Can be found anywhere, in the workplace, in a club, in a bar, in a coffee shop, in a library, in a supermarket , in a church – you get the picture, absolutely anywhere.
The sociopath, compared to some of the loons that you have dated in the past, appears more ‘normal’ than anyone that you have ever met. Pay attention if he:
- Showers you with attention and flattery
- Is very charismatic and charming
- Initially oversteps the mark with ‘personal space’
- Has an intense gaze and stare
- Asks you lots of questions
- Appears just too good to be true
- Makes lots of promises to you, promising you an ideal future (check actions with words)
- Wants to be ‘very’ involved in all areas of your life
- Is very ‘nosey’
- Plays victim about events in his past. Will paint themself as the victim of past events, and the ideal, perfect catch
Listen to yourself, and trust your gut intuition. Many people who have been involved with sociopaths report how they had ‘warning signs’, or ‘red flags’ in the very beginning, but chose to ignore their inner self. Meeting a sociopath can teach you a lot, mostly learning to trust yourself. Additionally, a sociopath will teach you to take care of yourself, and to start to put your own needs first. Maybe this was a skill that you needed to learn? Or a way that you hadn’t been before? Yes it will change you, and you will likely not be the same again….. but maybe, this is a good thing to learn?
Words © datingasociopath.com
Dating a Sociopath 
Very well written and to the point!
Thank you! 🙂
Deerfield IL home of the Sociopath supreme. Mitchell Becker knows everything there is to know about being a sociopath in Deerfield IL.
🙂
Oh yes, trust your intuition. Some of the points you state are valid for a lot of people, but it is the combination of them all. That means, if he is charming, all over you, the type of “my prince is here, time stops” AND he asks a lot of questions, does not get the meaning of private space etc. Finding the right diagnosis is understanding that they will be ALL (or almost all) that. Take care.
Yes you are right April. I always find it odd, how we can describe the same person. How they all just do the same thing. Thank you for your comment!! 🙂
I’ve had these people (narcissists, mainly) more than once, both lovers and friends. With the lovers I always found that they’re not just normal – they’re boring. It’s attractive to me, they make themsevles reasurringly boring; actually they are banal. Shallow, selfish people who feed off other people’s emotions and delight in making you feel bad.
Narcissists are boring, because it is all about them. I dated one, who told me that he was going to make more money for charity than Bob Geldof, he was going to be so successful (it had no bearing on reality). The entire relationship was about him, and his needs.
Sociopaths, especially charismatic sociopaths are anything but boring. They are very exciting, uplifting, fun to be around. That is often the problem, because they are such good company and they are simply being a mirror image of you (as they are empty inside) they are simply chameleons.
I wouldn’t describe a sociopath as boring. I would describe a narcissist as boring though.
However there are plenty of psychopaths in politics (they are rife in UK politics at the moment) – to me, they appear very dull….. but then, it isn’t me that they are mirroring!! 🙂
My narcissist soon to be ex-husband is dating a sociopath. What do you all think?
I think you should stand back and watch the fireworks. The Sociopath will win over the Narcissist. All sociopaths are narcissists anyway. But, the interesting thing, is that whilst they share some similarities they are also different. The sociopath will mirror the narcissist offering him exactly what he wants. But will have an agenda….. and will leave with one too turning his world upside down. The sociopath will have a field day with the narcissist, because they play to peoples emotions/ego… as you know the narcissist has plenty of ego, and very fragile emotions…. in a fight between the two, the sociopath would win…. as they are camoflagued, they possess everything that the narcissist has – but are more deceptive, manipulative, charming, and hide behind a mask….. that would be an interesting one!!!
I’m just curious what you can do to make yourself less appealing to them?
Dont take care of yourself. Be boring. Have nothing to offer. Of course this would weed out other decent ones too. Its how to get rid of one. Dont display emotions. Dont show weaknesses. Dont be needy of someone to make you whole. Be fully healed before going into another relationship. Be prepared to walk if you see red flags.
My daughters ex husband is a total sociopath….to a tee. He made my daughters life a living hell.Thank God she divorced him and married a real man who would lay down his life for her and her kids! Her ex has remarried and his current wife has been in and out of mental hospitals since becomming involved with this man.My advice is simple and solid…if your gut tells you to run…..RUN RUN RUN!!!