If you have been involved with a sociopath, you might have noticed that they are very good at assessing people. They have a particular skill at reading the subtle body language clues, observing what is said, and what is not said and reading interactions with others.
In some senses it seems like a superhuman power. Whilst you have been happily in the relationship, you are not aware of what is going on in the sociopath’s brain. How the sociopath is thinking and why he is able to manipulate, dupe and con people.
Lack of emotion/lack of empathy/lack of conscience
Most people, when in communication with another, have a sense of emotion and empathy for the other person that we are talking to. We care about the welfare of others.
When in communication with others, we are thinking about their needs, as well as our own.
If someone we know is happy, we are happy for them. Naturally, we have empathy for others. A sociopath does not understand this concept. Because they lack the range of emotions that non sociopaths have, they are not held back by emotion. To them it seems an inconvenience that would just get in the way.
A sociopath thinks differently when he meets someone, he thinks
- What do you have to offer me?
- Are you useful to me?
- What can I take from you?
- How can I be what you want?
- What do you want and need (and how can I sell that back to you?)
Because the sociopath is without the emotional constraints. He is able to to focus on you. The sociopath is the businessman, the top notch salesperson. Did you notice how the sociopath was at the beginning of the relationship, like a pushy salesperson? It was that kind of feeling, like you were being ‘sold’ something. The truth is, you were.
Did you ever notice the predatory stare? You feel like all attention and focus is on you. This is sociopath concentration. Whilst he might be smiling, his eyes tell another story. His predatory stare are like his 3d glasses. Not being held back by emotions, he connects with people using his brain.
Sometimes the sociopath is spot on. Other times is purely guesswork. When the sociopath is staring at you in that way,he is trying to read you. You might have noticed that he did this, when you were focused on something else. When you ask ‘why are you staring at me?’ the response that you get is ‘that they were just admiring how beautiful you are’. Or something corny along those lines. This, is of course a lie.
I love you!
Did you notice how many times the sociopath said ‘I love you’ and how you felt COMPELLED to reply…. ‘I love you too’ did you notice how the sociopath says this NOT to tell you that he loves you, but instead to check to see if you were still in love with him?
He does this as, when you are in love you are blinded by emotion. This makes it very easy to dupe and to con. You would notice at the very beginning to sociopath comes on strong, to get you to fall in love with him. He moves in close to you, so close you almost feel that you do not have room to breath.
Understanding the world – without a full range of emotions
The sociopath has had to learn to adapt to living in a world, without the full range of emotions. Imagine if you lived and you had no hearing, you would learn to lip read, you would learn body language. If you couldn’t see, you would rely more heavily on sound, and touch.
It is the same for the sociopath. His lack of emotion, has made him focus more on what he can to function in the world. Whilst he might not be able to feel the same, he can use his brain. This enhances, and enables him to see things that other people might miss.
Having emotions can hold you back, and for true empaths, they can be weighed down by other peoples emotions. Not having emotions, the sociopath views life with his BRAIN and doesn’t think with his HEART. This is why sociopaths are natural predators (you wouldn’t see an eagle thinking compassionately about the mouse before he swoops in for the kill).
The sociopath growing up in a world with limited emotions, needs to study for additional clues
- Your body language
- What you say (which is why he asks a lot of questions)
- Your interactions with others, and theirs with you
- Any additional information that he can find about you (social networking sites, information lying around, diaries, emails) anything really that can build a picture of you
The sociopath is very aware that you do not see the world like this. He is often unsure when to launch in with ‘I love you’. so will often be the one to ask you very early on after a heavy session of seduction ‘do you love me?’.
The sociopath knows that if you love him, then he can control you. He has ownership and possession of you. The sociopath loves to play games, this relieves his boredom. They are strategists, with an agenda.
The sociopath has the ability to read people and situations better than people who are not sociopaths, simply because he is not held back with emotion, the lack of one, heightens the other. Additionally it has been recorded (but I can’t find it to link to it), that the sociopath thinks with both sides of his brain at the same time, whilst the non sociopathic person only uses one side.
Living life in this way, does make the sociopath both predatory and manipulative. You might not be able to visualise living in a world without emotion, but you should be able to imagine how it would feel to lose your sight or hearing. You can easily see why your other senses would be heightened to compensate.
The one thing that all victims of sociopath should have noticed is the repeating patterns of behaviour, it is like groundhog day. Repeating the same behaviour over and over. Even when he makes promises to change, he will still repeat the same behaviour, even when it is not in his interests to do so.
When someone is going through life using their feelings, their behaviour is likely to be changeable. If you look at certain personality disorders, where there is an excess of emotions (like BPD), the personality type is likely to be more erratic, as the person is very reactionary to how they feel. They are often ruled by their emotions more than their brain. it is how they feel, and those feelings can feel very real.
Sociopaths are the reverse to this. They operate using calculation, having an agenda, they are clever, smart intelligent. They respond to situations in the same way, repeatedly, almost in a clockwork way, making them seem, sometimes inhuman (by reactions). it might seem incredible to you, that they have once again repeated exactly the same thing that almost broke you up before. The sociopath does not think like this. Having a shortened sense of the future, being opportunistic, not being able to plan long term ahead, lack of long term life goals, and not being able to learn from past mistakes (to any degree for lasting change) they repeat the same pattern of behaviour over and over.
If you were with the sociopath for any length of time, you would have experienced this repeat of behaviour – over and over again. It really can feel like the film ground hog day!
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