Keeping you weak is always to the sociopaths advantage!
Exploiting your weaknesses, will make you weak, and easier to control!
When you meet the sociopath, you might have already experienced events which have made you weak, or alternatively you might be strong with a lot to offer (and a lot to take) . Whichever situation you were in, you would have noticed that within a very short time of being with a sociopath, that he did all that he could to either keep you weak, or to disarm you, and weaken you.
You might start out in the beginning, either hoping to rebuild yourself, and your life, or want someone to share the joy of your life. However, the hopes and aspirations that you have, will never come true.
What you find when you are dating a sociopath, is that they will do all that they can to keep you under their control. To do this they need to do the following:
- Keep you isolated from others
- Feed you false information about himself, his life, and his intentions
- Manipulate and deceive you
- Keep you away from places where you might be in contact with others
- Control your ability to work
- Control interactions with others
- Keep tabs on your whereabouts
- Violate your privacy
- False accusations
- If you are sick, he will under the guise of helping to get you well, actually deliberately keep you sick.
- Will tell you false information about yourself, and how others view you
The sociopath is very charismatic, and will appear (on the surface) to be charming, helpful and nice. In fact, often the sociopath couldn’t be more helpful.
This is what causes the fog of confusion. You wonder if it is all in your mind? You look back to who you once were, and wonder where the person you used to be, has gone?
You are still there!! Underneath the cloud of confusion, the sense of mistrust, the pain of betrayal, there is still you.
The sociopath will weaken you, to build dependency on him. By being so very useful and helpful, he becomes someone that you feel you now need.
Because the sociopath discovers your weaknesses, and exploits them for his own advantage, he is preying on your weaknesses. This, when controlling you and not allowing you to grow and by focusing on your weaknesses, he keeps you weak. It stops you from growing, it keeps you where the sociopath wants you, controlled.
You might look back, and think how did this happen? Constantly searching back for the honeymoon period, you stay with it far longer than you otherwise should. You feel that you need this person. You feel like he is the missing part of you.
It isn’t that he is the missing part of you, it is because he preyed on your weaknesses, and full focus and spotlight was on those weaknesses, whilst your strengths, were minimised. Without your wide circle of friends, to remind you of who you are (if you were isolated), you are left, with only the sociopath. Who will do everything to keep you weak. Keeping you weak achieves one thing –
CONTROL!!!
When you have left the relationship. You can start to rebuild yourself. By now you would have been made fully aware of your weaknesses, as the sociopath used those weaknesses to control you.
There is a lesson in this. A lesson to see your own strengths and weaknesses. It is in effect a blessing, although it might not feel like it when you have just came out of the relationship. Remember, as the sociopath minimised your strengths, and played on your weaknesses, to control you, when you come out of the relationship, you start to regain strength immediately. Why? You start to regain strength, because you are not using all of your strength combating the sociopath, you are not striving for control over your own life. You finally have strength for you!
This, is a blessing. It is also a time for reflection – what have you learned? What did the sociopath teach you? What are your weaknesses? In some circumstances, (ill health for example) there is little that you can do. But other weaknesses that are preyed upon, you can work on.
Examples are things like
- Expecting someone else to offer you a wonderful life
- Expecting someone else to solve your problems for you (be they financial, social, work or whatever)
- Expecting someone else to love you, before you truly love yourself
- Money
- Need for attention, lack of confidence, low self esteem
- Single parent, looking for a father figure
- Needing a home
- Needing stability
These are just examples, there are lots lots more. You will know yourself, what your weaknesses were, and how you were exploited by the sociopath. Take some time out, to look at yourself. If it was just that you wanted to be loved, work on you, working on loving you. If you thought you met a great businessman, who would offer you financial security, work on creating financial security for yourself.
Remember that we ALL have weaknesses. All of us. In a healthy relationship, the partner gives help and support, doesn’t exploit those weaknesses to keep you weak, and keep control over you.
Dating a sociopath, once the aftermath is over, can be a blessing in disguise. It can help you to work on the weaknesses within you. Once the relationship is fully over, once you have fully grieved and reached acceptance. You will have strength. Strength of mind, and control back over you.
Its time to breath once again….. you are free!! Free to do what you want with your life. No longer are you controlled. Now that you know what your weaknesses are…. what are you going to do about it?
What were your weaknesses, and how did the sociopath change your life?
Dating a Sociopath 
Very great post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wished to mention that I’ve truly enjoyed browsing your blog posts. In any case I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I’m hoping you write again very soon!|
I had lost my mom and I was losing my husband I found out later the man use to tell my husband I was cheating on him when I wasn’t . My husband left me with the sociopath . I was on a mountain fighting for my farm alone with the sociopath turns out he lied to me because he wanted money for three years he used me cheated I was fooled but I keep my head up high and ask the lord above for karmic justice . Sociopaths do not care like real people they’ll lie and use as long as it serves there purpose but as soon as u get pregnant there gone without a trace
Sending you a hug – that is such an awful thing to go through. I can feel the pain of what you write. So many of us here can understand the awful place that you have been through 😦
This is a good article although it should have been written in a context of a male or female being the sociopath.
I was involved in a disturbing relationship with a FEMALE sociopath. It took me some time to realize that she has a mental disorder, incapable of giving me what i need and want. I was great prey in being an “isolationist” iguess. And it came close to costing me my career and health.I was completely betrayed, and the funny thing is that she has completely manipulated orhers into thinking i was the problem. I have finally taken steps to move on, but It cost me precious time i could not afford to loose and a great deal of stress. All of that calculated of coarse.
This is a good article although it should have been written in a context of a male or female being the sociopath.
I was involved in a disturbing relationship with a FEMALE sociopath. It took me some time to realize that she has a mental disorder, incapable of giving me what i need and want. I was great prey in being an “isolationist” iguess. And it came close to costing me my career and health.I was completely betrayed, and the funny thing is that she has completely manipulated others into thinking i was the problem. I have finally taken steps to move on, but It cost me precious time i could not afford to loose and a great deal of stress. All of that calculated of course.
“Dating a sociopath, once the aftermath is over, can be a blessing in disguise” really? Nobody should be exposed to lies, deceit, and betrayal. If I want to work on my weaknesses I’ll buy self-help books. I don’t need a thief to help me. Fact remains what sociopaths do is defraud people and fraud is not acceptable.
I don’t agree val. We will agree to disagree x
val i understand how you feel ❤ i am at that place in my journey too. i have had this kind of "teacher" on my journey since i was born into this life, and i am done with anyone like this on my journey ever ever again. i think there can be a time in our growth as a soul when we learn through people who show us what we do not want in our life and reflect to us who we don't want to be to shake us up and push us to begin to seek what we do want and become who we do want to be, but i think that growth only comes from that kind of energy when we are still resonating with dark things on a certain level within yourself. i feel like as you move towards self-love and you begin purging the the dark within you and you become more filled with light, you eventually stop learning from pain and it just becomes repetitive pain… it no longer serves you and you can no longer tolerate any darkness. i'm at that point now. i just want to leave pain and fear and darkness of these experiences behind and begin to grow and do better and choose better and become better… but through love not pain. love to you ❤
I just found out both my dad and girlfriend are sociopaths relatively recently I am at a point in my life where I want to be a pastor now. I feel you
Is this for real? OR are you trolling? Your dad and your girlfriend are sociopaths and you want to be a pastor? Just clarify that is right?
Val I think you’re right. I think what you’re trying to say is that if we ‘accept’ sociopathic behaviour as part of society, it only allows such people to thrive so much more than if we can SHUN THEM HARSHLY.
If you look at Capitalism which dominates us ALL, it is very sociopathic, the topic of Game Theory is a starting point for studying this.
I think your heart is in the right place. Feel hurt, sure, at the sociopath – they are the one with the problem, and they will never know real love… remember that.
I’m just getting over a relationship with a female one, and she is on the surface happy with herself. Underneath she needs to get blind drunk and do cocaine to deal with life. Not every day, but she is highly pretentious in strongly wanting to have children. I told her (kindly) that she was only going to breed more mentally-ill children (speaking from experience of my mother, and my mother was no sociopath just a bit narcissistic or ego-defensive). I feel strongly about that because instead of ONE person making effort to solve their problems before breeding, a whole FAMILY has to go through it. So yes, that is the mentality of a selfish, ignorant, short-sighted, ego-led THIEF.
I fear that modern technology and poor social standards, and hedonistic lifestyles are breeding more and more of these people, male AND female. Except females are harder to root-out because they get that special Female Privilege when it comes to behaviour. Whilst Male Privilege, Feminism fans, is more to do with salary and sexual freedom (although this has changed post-contraception and a lot of women can’t handle emotional responsibility towards men as they think their freedom is more important than it actually IS, in the society-wide holistic-health-of-society view).
Thus, there’s a lot of cognitive dissonance and confusion around. I for one, am not about to clean-up for idiot women who should have their OWN brain to predict and navigate their own lives. Again, the fact that there are many out there who think they have a right to mess up and get a man to clean up the mess, is testament to Female Privilege being real. Before you blame the men for that – it’s in our BIOLOGY. It would be like blaming women for having emotions…
Blame the women for not handling that power with honour and restraint. Even within the emotional and hormonal parameters of being female. Everyone has self-control – or if women have a right to NOT exercise it, causing men suffering – then men have a right to control these women (not all, or other women) on their own behalf. SHe who is weak must submit. Or get stronger. But with HONOUR / ethics. Not at the expense of someone else or exploiting someone else. This is the fallacy of ‘strength’ that women who’ve been taught that manipulating men is perfectly fine, learn to self-identify with. It breeds socipathic behaviour! Which, allied to an entitlement complex, doesn’t bode well for the human race. Women need to be real – or what they build is fake.
I wish to see more women demonstrating higher, more foreseeing-type intelligence, not just raw connivance-type intelligence.
THAT expectation of BOTH men and women on the handling of power, is what equality needs to be about. It currently isn’t. Sorry to say.
A male child witnessing (his mother?) women acting like that, will only learn to act the same way. So if you don’t like male sociopaths and other similar mental traits, girls, BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD. There’s this terrible culture of ‘blame the male’ and that’s disgustingly ignorant of how the world actually works. But popular as a (hidden) mentality, born of twisting the sound and logical side of Feminism into something prejudiced and self-serving, rather than genuinely-liberating. It’s sometimes a fine line to walk for women. But they need to make sure they’re on the right side of it. Otherwise, reciprocating, why should men avoid abusing women? BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD. Peace.
I agree
Is anyone who lies for sport a sociopath? I just lost a best friend who lies about everything. I feel loss but also the possibility I can make a new best friend. He found me less useful than he planned I believe and took me for money and gifts while taking away the only gift he had given to me knowing it was all I required. I’m hurting still, but this page helps me feel its not my fault. Yes, he exploited my deepest shared secrets and laughed at me when I confronted him on it.
No not everybody who lies is a sociopath. Sociopaths have no conscience and lie to manipulate dupe con and decieve. They lie to profit or gain from others.
positivagirl – you misread. Conejeto said ‘everyone who lies FOR SPORT’. Not everyone who lies. I’ve told lies in self-defence many times, but I HATED being forced into that position. I never loved it. Some people become sociopaths because they feel forced into doing the same, I think, and then adapt to LOVE the lifestyle so they can remove the cognitive dissonance and mental pain / stress from lying all the time. I pity them, but also fear them and hate them. One can never relax around such people, as one always has to watch one’s back as they’re ALWAYS on the lookout for their next score and exploitation opportunity.
Yes I agree gee
I am almost 2 years out of a relationship with a sociopath and I’m here to tell you, it is a long road back. The hardest part by far for me as a woman is to cope with the fact that there was no love at all to begin with. That lie alone is just plain sick let alone the other lies they tell you.
I still find myself defending him and giving the benefit of the doubt but I know I am just fooling myself. Trying to navigate through the many articles and publications to help yourself heal because no one understands but those who have been exposed or involved with a sociopath is about your only course of action when you are left with nothing.
I dumped him and I’m glad I did but it still does not give me back the time and loved he stole from me.
I’d like to ask if anyone else’s sociopath left them to die? I was sick one day after staying in our home to hold down the fort with our generator running during a 5 day power outage and a heat wave hit VA.
I told him I was very sick and that I did not know what was wrong and yes he left me lay there suffering from heat stroke while he went golfing? Still cannot believe he did this. And on that note I wanted to ask if anyone knows a good lawyer in VA that would take a pro bono case for me to prosecute this sociopath under the law called Duty to Rescue? See the sociopath that nothing of leaving me lay there to die and by the grace of God I did not thanks to my quick diagnosis and crawling around our home for the things I needed to do in order to stabalize my body. As you can guess it takes about 5 hours to golf 18 holes and he came home after that I’m sure hoping that maybe I wasn’t alive.
Nita, I assume all you say is true, but perhaps he thought you were putting it on? Maybe you were (many mental disorders can occur around this kind of situation, including psychosomatic or cries for help posing as ‘illness’). Regardless of that, there is ALSO the aspect that sociopaths might assume someone is trying to manipulate them, even when that person isn’t. Because the SOCIOPATH would always do such things and assumes others think the same way too sometimes. Paranoia gets so thick with such people. I wish you healing and luck. I’ve been there (with a woman sociopath, or rather little girl in disguise to be more accurate about her). I’m personally using the rebound as a springboard, you know? Keep going, keep faith in yourself and keep doing everything required to make that faith REAL. Don’t sit around.
One of the most informatavie posts I have read… Look beyond its gender bias issue
I’m dating a sociopath now. I Just realized what he really (what a sociopath is) and it’s true i’ve only felt isolated and weak because he acuses me everywhere i go. He has a heart, but only when things go his way. If something small changes it’s the end of the world. And it’s only gotten worse over the years. I want to help him because his whole life everyone has given up on him. I love him to death even when im called every name in the book. It’s not right, but i’ve learned his triggers.. Sociopaths are human too. They say there’s no cure because it’s due to brain structure.. And i don’t believe this because there’s got to be a way to help him be happy.
If somebody is born without a limb would you expect him or her to grow a new one? Same with sociopaths their brain is different. No empathy. No emotions. No guilt. He will destroy you. And when he is done he will go to leech on someone else. Sorry but it’s the truth.
Absolutely spot on synopsis of a sociopath. You will never be able to change them —too ingrained in their pysche. Couple that with narcissism and mysogyny , you have quite an explosive situation on your hands. Remember one thing though—it’s a life lesson learned if you do ever encounter this type of personality. You are being duped by a predator. It’s what they are—-they have no soul.
Yes, i want to know too.
I dated a sociopath for almost 3 years. I feel I am very humble and see the good in everyone. She had a child thats now almost 8 I considered her to be like one of my own. Every concern I had about her behavior she would get mad and kick me out every chance she got. I went above and beyond for her cleaned, cooked, worked so hard for her. Spent so much money now in debt and almost homeless. She would never say she loved me ever and would say you do things for me because you want to. I remember one time this little boy fell to his knee at 2 years old in the mall and she smiled so cold I never seen anything like it. She hit me two days in a row and kicked me out the last time we were together. I missed her daughter so much because I helped raise her she let me see her daughter for a while but I took a month or two away from it because I was so emotionally damaged of what she put me through that I needed to get myself stronger. Her daughter called me on fathers day and I missed her so much I wanted to see her and my ex told her no I cant be trusted. I feel so bad for her daughter she acts like shes an allstar mom but she cares nothing for no one but herself. I still pray one day when shes older she will look for me. It took me 10 months to get over my ex her daughter I will always love like my own. Girls like her always find their way to me and it took me 33 years to know what to look for cause I never want that hurt again. I just pray as time goes on god will look out and send a humble woman my way its been a long road.
Do you think she might be a narcissist Anthony? Socios fake love very well, and use it and the word to manipulate you.
I think shes a sociopath she did fake love very well in the beginning she made it seem golden then once she sensed weakness I was dog meat. She used me to clean, drive her daughter to school, pay for bills etc never said thank you. never reciprocated anything she would say “Tony! You do it cause you want to”. Everytime I would comfront her about her behavior she was highly defensive and say I dont want to hear it then kick me out just for saying “How come I never hear I love you and it seems there is never reciprocation”. I remember this little boy fell to his knee in the mall one time he was maybe 2-3 yrs old and she just grinned in happiness to see it.
Instead this article and it was chillingly correct about how Ive been treated. It was also chilling that you were referring to the controller as ‘he’ it’s certainly making it difficult for men like me to speak up.
Hi Melvin this post was written a long time ago. When this post was written the psycho was still in my life. Knew about this blog. It is accurate because I was right there living it. It is written male because he was male and he read it. It was only freedom I had. Later posts were gender neutral. At the time in 2013 I was writing almost daily. This site was busy and popular no 1 on Google searches. I think that is why the old posts often come up. You are quite right there are female ones. I have written a few posts specifically on female sociopaths. I think there is also a female diagnosed one who wrote a post and a male victim of one who also wrote a post.
I need to go back through this site Melvin. Most of the most popular posts on this website are from early days 2013. The reason that it is chillingly accurate, is because I was writing TO HIM. I think it only says he the 2013 posts. Back then this was a very busy community. I was writing most days. It is only those early posts that are written He context. I have some time, so hope to return back through to edit. Although am a bit concerned that if I do, then the message will be lost. As it was real life accounts of a person who was actually there. It had either just happened, or it was actually happening. Which is why it is so relatable to many people.