Don’t feel jealous when he moves onto someone new!


It can be quite crushing, when the man that you are in love with turns out to be nothing but a compulsive pathological liar. When you realise that you have been used by someone that you gave everything to. This person is someone that you shared your life with, and no doubt your finances too. You had hopes and dreams, none of which came true.

It can feel shattering when you realise that this person has now moved on, and met someone new. You can feel, used, abused and just worthless. (you are not, I promise)

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You will ask the following questions, and at worst, this will play on your mind, and you can spend hours, days, and sometimes weeks or months, torturing yourself with the following questions about his/her new partner and the life he is living without you:

  • What does he/she have that I do not?
  • Why is he/she treating her/him better than me?
  • If he/she is now being this ‘perfect man/woman’ that he/she said would be with me, why now – why was I not good enough?
  • Why can he/she do it for her/him and not for me?
  • What is wrong with me?
  • Why didn’t I deserve to be treated in that way?

These are common questions that are asked and felt by people who have been involved with a sociopath, once the sociopath has moved on to someone new. The thoughts in your mind, can feel soul destroying and the pain unbearable.

You hear that he/she is in ‘love’ and is like a different person. It is most likely that the sociopath will tell you how happy he/she now is and to ‘thank you’

Yes, that is right, they will thank you for

  • All that you taught them
  • All that you gave to them

They will tell you how happy they are now, and that they are sorry that they didn’t do this whilst they were with you. And that you do deserve to happy. This can feel like a kick in the teeth.

You look back at everything you went through with this person, and now they are telling you how they are NOW Mr/Mrs Perfect, Mr/Mrs reliable – he/she is now everything that they pretended they were in the beginning for you.

And that last sentence is the most important one. So important, that I will repeat it again.

He/she is now everything that they pretended they were in the beginning for you (yes I know that this hurts, but hear me out)

The word ‘pretend’ is of course an important one. I know that this hurts, but you are looking at the situation forgetting that your ex is a sociopath. He/she is a person who does not live by the norms of others. Remember in the beginning, how he/she also pretended to be perfection and how you were sucked in? Well the same thing is happening again. Only this time to someone else and not you, remember the drill

  • Assessment
  • Seducing
  • Gaming
  • Ruining

What is now happening, is that the sociopath has regained composure, put back on a new mask, and is now playing the game again. This time he/she is seducing someone else, just as he/she once seduced you.

This is cause to celebrate!!! What this means is that YOU ARE FREE!!!! Yes, that is right, you are FREE!! Of course he/she hasn’t changed. They can’t change remember? This is nothing to do with you. This is nothing to do with how inadequate YOU are. They WILL be the same with someone else. So celebrate your freedom.

Don’t delay what you CAN do today!! You are free!! So go celebrate that freedom…..

freedom

You have lost nothing. Because you know that after seduction comes gaming/ruining. Not just sometimes, but all the time, as this is the way that they are.

There is nothing for you to feel jealous of. Your ex hasn’t suddenly turned into an amazing person. Has not suddenly turned into a person who he/she always promised you would be. Yes, it is true that you were used, but this is not a reflection on you. This is a reflection on them.

Your ex hasn’t changed for someone else, because they can’t. it is who they are. They can’t change. They CAN put on another mask and pretend again for a while, but this is all, this is all that is happening. But, just as his/her history is chequered with carnage, the same thing will happen again.

Try to be grateful, that the abuse of you has stopped, that he/ she has a new source of supply to use, for as long as it lasts. Most likely he/she will be back in touch, so be grateful for this space, to concentrate on you. Because one thing is for sure, that the sociopath is one personality type who can never change.

Copyright datingasociopath.com 2013

229 thoughts on “Don’t feel jealous when he moves onto someone new!”

  1. Any thoughts on what to do when it’s your separated husband. He left me and the kids but refuses to divorce. Married 20 years. He tells me to divorce if I want to but he is fine separated. I am Christian and praying for his healing and return though. For over a year now. He did cheat and his addiction is spending money. He can’t stop he says. I don’t want to cut contact with him because I don’t want to hurt the kids. Yes I make it super easy for him to visit as he pleases. He always has plans and rarely takes the kids. I can only ensure the kids see him if make it easy for him to visit them. He does support financially. Will I ever heal if I’m in love with him and want to reconcile but we are living according to his rules? He prefers his single life but likes that we are still there for him when he needs us. I don’t want to be on bad terms bit I feel I must sacrifice to keep everyone happy. I truly want to reconcile but he refuses to repent abd change his ways. Am I just damaging my self? I have no idea how to be mean and cut all ties. He is my family even though his actions are wrong. Very confused!!

    1. They love to confuse you, this is the name of their game. His distance, has you still connected to him. There is no closure, you so you don’t know what is going on. Giving him ultimate power and control. He wants his cake and eat it, he probably has other women on the side and possibly a totally different life to the one that you know about. He is in control, he is making the rules, and you are unhappy. Can you not go for divorce? As this could go on for a long time if you don’t take action.

    2. @tobevisible you will hurt your kids deeply by staying in this situation. growing up i was the child in this kind of relationship and the most damaging thing my mama did was stay with him and accept these things. your kids are watching how he treats you and developing heartbreaking belief systems about what “love” is. when women stay in the relationship and accept these things, they are teaching their kids that this horrible abuse and dysfunction is what relationships are about, and it’s not even close to the truth. the most beautiful and loving thing you can do for your children is choose to learn to love yourself, stop giving him the power in the situation, and YOU make the decision to start untangling from the pain. i promise you, if your children witness you make the choice to love yourself and take them into a new life where people love and respect each other, it’s the most beautiful gift you can give them! ❤

      since you are a Christian, do you believe that a God that loves you and cherishes you and your children wants this life for you? no way! a God that loves you and cherishes you wants you and your children to be loved and cherished by the people in your lives! you pray for this man's return, but this man does not love you, and God not answering the prayer of returning him to you is a God that is loving you and protecting you from a life of pain.

  2. Thank you both for your supportive words @positivagirl and @sweetpea. Regarding your question about divorce. It is my desire that he repents and we save our marriage and family. However I truly believe if it is not Gods will that my husband will divorce me. I truly thank you for your comments!

  3. This is happening to me atm. Im trying to divorce him, but he keeps stalling it, and all of a sudden it went quiet and I found out he has someone new. It’s painfull but I’m happy and hope that it lasts between them so that he might give me my divorce. He said he will but I’m not so sure. It’s hard when you can’t believe a word he Is saying

  4. Mariella,
    Do you live in a no fault state? This is NOT ok. You have grounds to get out of this marriage. He cannot hold you hostage for long. I hope he moves on with the new supply. Guess what? That won’t last either. Same story over and over.

  5. But how do I know that they are still the same when all I see is that they have changed for the better? Why is she so much better than me..why is he with her when it’s blatantly obvious that she is nothing close to being the high value woman that I try so hard to be? Yet, the man I loved left me and now is showing off his new girlfriend and it crushes me every time I hear about it. I don’t know what to do or how to make the leftover feelings I have for him go away??!! I’m so angry at myself for allowing this to happen to me.To realize that you are forgotten and was actually nothing to someone that you gave your love to..smh-I don’t know what to do…my brain keeps trying to think of what to say or do to show him how much I still love him…but why? It won’t change a thing-no matter what I say or do.it means NOTHING TO HIM.How can you hurt another person like that..just how?

    1. Hey I know you are hurting. You need to remember that they are psychological illusionists, nothing is really real! He is mirroring her now, not you. How you look or act is not of importance. It isn’t about who is better. It is about who can give him MORE of what he wants. It is all about him, and his needs. What you look like and your values, matter very little, unless of course he can manipulate you. It isn’t that you are ‘forgotten’ and ‘worthless’ it is that he is focused and mirroring someone else to get what he wants. This is really all that it is. They don’t have real relationships, it is fake. They use people, to get what they want.

      1. Positivagirl thank you so much. You are truly an angel for this blog, article, and response. Empathetic people are almost non-existent it seems and the world seems cold. I feel exactly as Sherrie Johnson feels above and this reponse is like water in a desert to me. I slipped and went back a the sociopath in my life hoovered back right in my life right at the time I got over him, healed, and found and a great guy totalt opposite of him which I ended up screwing uo because I allowed the socio to manipulate me only to be duper again. I regret it and unfortunately I have to live with that plus the rage I have for him. I finaly broke things off and told him flat out in the discrd phase “you are a sociopath, you have no remorse or guilt for the things you do and how you manipulate people. Go to hell.” my comment to him was not for him but to myself to explicitly let it be known that I am okay and it is okay to let him go. I hope for all of us here reading this, we can know from here on out, dont invest your emotional health in emotionaly warped and damaged people. These people can rob you of your sanity for the one, precious, priceless wonderful life you should be able to safely enjoy.

      2. Hey at peace, aren’t they horrible? Luring you back when you are happy, just because…… it’s all about winning and being in control. Well done you for telling him and his sorry ass to go to hell. Go live life and spread happiness 🙂 you deserve it and he deserves to rot in his own…. well…

      3. i love your blog, thank you so much. to your response above (and so much of what i’ve read)… what do you mean by “source of supply” and what they “need.” are they like energy vampires sucking the life out of their victims? why don’t they provide for their own needs? a woman i know has an ASPD and she tried to explain they are motivated by what they need and they are “creating their own reality.” but, i can’t wrap my mind around this.

      4. Hi Kelly, thank you for your response. Source of supply, is a source that they do not have, that you have (or perceived to have) therefore they use you (or someone else) as a source to get what they want. They are highly manipulative and deceptive and love to con and dupe people to get what they want. What they ‘need’ can be anything that they feel is missing in their life. Or might soon be. Like a roof over their head, sex, money, social status, appearance to the outside world, anything really that they feel that they need – and that they feel you (or whoever is the victim) can provide.

    2. Try to remember these sociopaths have no conscience. They need new energy sources. They become bored. They only care about themselves.
      If you have something they need and it will benefit them, they will love bomb, idealize, and future fake your life until they drain you dry. Then onto the next. Discard you.
      His new source has something he needs. After awhile he will have worn her out. Picked at that happiness until she is mental and physically exhausted.
      Just as you are.
      Any kind of reaction you are giving to his actions will be more of what he needs for survival.
      Best thing is a NO CONTACT. Block him from your life. Don’t worry about her or their fake relationship. It won’t last and they won’t be eternally happy. Don’t lose another minute of sleep or happiness over the evilness and cruelty that thrives in him. It is extremely hard to do. Support groups everywhere. Thousands and thousands of people like you are having the exact same heartbreak. Its all textbook. Its a pattern. Read all you can and you will see. They are all the same.

      1. Thank you for this blog, I have been dealing with this for a year now, 10 years ago I met a man who had just been released from prison, younger than me, it was instant , I felt he was the love of my life, he committed another crime and after living together for 2 years we incarcerated again, sentenced to 15 years. Of course while we lived together i saw what I know now are red flags but ignored them because of the constant affection and the amazing way he made me feel. Not to mention the amazing sex life. After 8 years of him being on prison, he met a girl on a dating site, YES while in prison. I was never allowed to visit him during the 8 years because I was a former employee. Anyway I found out he was having her come to visit him and having a relationship with her. He said he was using her for financial purposes and to have visits. He won his appeal and was released in March on bond of this year, he came home, but said he had to go with her temporarily because she was going to pay his bond,10,000 dollars. He said he loved me but he had to do this for his freedom. Long story short, his bond was revoked, not because he violated, and he is awaiting a hearing from the court but he is still with her he says she is handling everything with his attorneys. She has bought him a car, fixed his credit,opened a business in both of their names, sends him money, bought him all kinds of clothes, got him a dog and a 1400 dollar book to study law when he comes home, oh and opened up a joint bank account for them. And I’m still questioning whether or not he is a sociopath?

  6. My ex broke up with me in our aniversary said he wanted to focus on himself than 2 days later he was with someome else its been almost 2 months and they still together i am focusing on me but its hard not to think of how bad he hurt me 18 months and he trew me away like i was nothing after everything i did for him . The break up menthaly demage me because i cant trust anyone and the sould tie its really strong but i know its for the best and the problem is him not me

  7. I was with a really aggressive guy for over 6 years and we have always had a dysfunctional realtionship. We had a 2 yr no contact on my part. He would try to msg me and come to my window. I gave him another shot in a moment of weakness and 1 yr later asked him to define the realtionship. Instead he dragged it on a couple months and when i asked him again. He pushed me away and told me its over. He never cared about me and that he met someone else and thathe can’t provide what i need. Im so confused because we’ve been practically living together for this past year. And its just he chased me for years how can things change for him in a few weeks. Im so heartbroken and i dont know how i can recover from this. Why would someone do this to someone who is so good to them..

  8. I found out last night that the vamp is in a new relationship. Started about 7 days after we split up. I am shocked and numbed out. Weird thing is that she’s quite rough around the edges and not what I thought he would go for at all. I think he jumped into this asap cos he had lost his source of sex and energy supply (ie me). Think he just went for the first woman who came along. So he has done NO processing of the last 16 months we had together and is carrying so much anger and hatred straight into a new relationship. It will be a matter of time before the mask slips (if it hasn’t already) and she starts to go through what I went through. Its odd though as she herself looks dark and demonic like him. We attract into our lives whatever we “put out there”. I think he is vibrating at such a low level now that he has brought this person to him. She looks like she could be very much like him – they both seem to be surrounded by this cloud of blackness. Who knows maybe she is a bigger psycho screw-up than he is and she will kick his arse. Made me laugh as there was a picture of her – a close up of her head and neck and he wrote underneath it “can I sink my teeth in?” – spoken like the true energy sucking parasite that he is. I have started abuse counselling now and will get through this. Much love to all of you out there xxx

  9. I was just discarded by my boyfriend of 4 years who said he wanted to focus on himself…now, less than two weeks later, it seems he has a new girl which is part of what led me to realize he is a sociopath. I have cut contact with him, but I feel like I should warn the new girl!! Is it best to leave it alone? I know if I warn her he will just spread lies about me to her, but I wish I had taken the warning from his ex when we started dating seriously!

    1. No dont contact the new girlfriend. He is a liar remember. So he would have already told her that he left you as you were crazy and how he tried to help you. She wouldnt believe you. If anything it would only serve to strengthen their bond.

  10. ah, thank you! so, in a sense, my ex-sociopath regarded me like i regard a pair of jeans that i love. i wear them all the time, they make me look good, etc, but when they rip or don’t fit, or whatever, i discard them and go buy a new pair that now have my total attention. it makes sense, his attachment to me was so shallow and superficial no wonder he could just walk away after 6 months… he was probably already trying on “new jeans.” BUT, why make me fall in love with him? why create the cognitive dissonance, why dominate and destroy? Why…?

  11. We are an energy source they feed off. To build us up creates us wanting them and loving them more. Then they can knock us down. Drain us. They may haves several sources. When they discard you they have already hooked up with the next victim. They bore easily and when they are through. They discard, but they may come back briefly just in case they need your energy some more.

  12. My ex left me a year ago after five years together. He started seeig someone else two months later according to what he said. When i went no contact he hoovered me back saying how much he loved me and missed me. After getting intimate again he he

  13. I was dating a guy for about 4 years. We weren’t official but did everything as if we were. We even lived together for about 3 months when his home was being renovated. BIG mistake on my part. Anyway, 2 months ago he came to my house one night after work. We had a great time. Had some dinner, wine and a little “adult time”. The next morning he was acting weird as he left for work. While I was driving to work he texted me that he’s been talking to someone for the past 2 months and that he likes her a lot. I was heartbroken. She’s still around and he goes to visit her all the time in her hometown. He said to me that she makes him feel amazing and that he’s so happy with his life. Basically bragging about her. Said he liked me but was never in love. Is it not possible that he really is a different person? Is it not possible that he is really turning into a standup guy?

  14. Every word of this is true, it’s unbelievable the way they follow such an identical pattern of behaviour. They will drop back to you randomly or when the new partner is destroyed.

    The strangest thing is that they credit you for improving them, do say “you deserve to be happy” or “I miss you” whilst remodelling the new target.

    Mine has recreated an identical relationship taking his new target to the same places as I took him, at the same time sending me our “romantic” photographs.

    Really is an odd spooky experience, his friends must know but we the girlfriends take him at face value not knowing the repition & duplication of romantic gestures and gifts.

  15. I have been dating a guy for over a year. He has always said from the beginning that he was not over his ex girlfriend but would say how much he liked me and how when we are out in public it really makes him feel uncomfortable for other men to admire me. One minute his obssed with me the next he just tells me we are just friends and it’s not going anywhere I’m already in love with him and I have told him but nothing is happening (his recently started to date this other girl) we had dinner last week
    And he said he doesn’t know whether he wants to be Ina relationship with her either a bit like what he did to me. I’m very hurt because I can see we hang out less and less now which means his spending time With her her but I know deep down the best thing to do is to just cut him
    Off completely. I’m so upset

  16. Not sure if this is narcisstic or sociopath, but sounds like he is keeping a lot of supply. When you start falling in love, you aren’t a challenge any more. You have to set barriers, which I have to learn also.
    They push their limits and if you don’t have barriers, they walk all over you and they don’t like weak and needy. But they don’t like others to be happy also.
    Just set your barriers. Tell him you don’t like what he is doing. If he still continues to see other energy source, dump him. Not worth the heart ache. I know.
    I was discarded and exn was married within 3 months. He was supposed to marry me. I loved him.
    He put me through hell. So I shouldn’t have jealousy, but I do have a little. Disturbing to be jealous of someone who ripped your life apart.
    Narcs, sociopaths, can’t be alone. They will have someone else lined up before they discard you.

  17. Can a sociopath change? I mean he cries, sees a counselor & psychiatrist. He has had many relationships always one after the other but he said he’s finally ready to get married to the “one.” He def fits the profile for a psychopath actually. Has he changed? Please help?

  18. My fiance and I kept on getting into fights all of the time. We were close to breaking up a few times. I knew that we needed something to stay together because he was pulling away from me day by day. Dr Baba really helped us stay together and become a closer couple. He did a love binding spell that worked perfectly! He started making more of an effort to talk to me about how he was feeling which helped us work through our problems so much better. My fiance tends to shut down whenever there is conflict and this spell helped him communicate with me. I can also tell that he is more attracted to me because he keeps sending me flowers at work and is always trying to touch me in some way. It’s actually really nice and I am very grateful to Dr Baba and his temple at realhomeofspell@gmail.com for all that he have done for me.

  19. I am so grateful to have found your website and find all the answers I need after having been victim to a sociopath. I realized I am more naive to the motivations of people who are broken. I had an express relationship encounter with this sociopath and he was soo mean and hurtful. I told him I hate people who lie to me and that is why I am broken, and he ended things with me by accusing me of lying and cheating on him. When 2 days later I see a post on his Instagram of him with the girl I questioned him about being his gf showing up from Costa Rica to meet him for the first time. We were only together for a month but the betray on my trust has been so damaging on top of what my year has been after ending a 3 year relationship with a narcissist. I will be writing a blog about my experience and I would love to cite your page as a source that has given me a lot of understanding and has helped me realize I am not the problem and to not victimize myself but to feel compassion for him that he is so broken. I will share with you once I post. It probably won’t be until the new year as I am taking some time to figure the direction and build up some banked content for my blog.

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