It can be quite crushing, when the man that you are in love with turns out to be nothing but a compulsive pathological liar. When you realise that you have been used by someone that you gave everything to. This person is someone that you shared your life with, and no doubt your finances too. You had hopes and dreams, none of which came true.
It can feel shattering when you realise that this person has now moved on, and met someone new. You can feel, used, abused and just worthless. (you are not, I promise)
You will ask the following questions, and at worst, this will play on your mind, and you can spend hours, days, and sometimes weeks or months, torturing yourself with the following questions about his/her new partner and the life he is living without you:
- What does he/she have that I do not?
- Why is he/she treating her/him better than me?
- If he/she is now being this ‘perfect man/woman’ that he/she said would be with me, why now – why was I not good enough?
- Why can he/she do it for her/him and not for me?
- What is wrong with me?
- Why didn’t I deserve to be treated in that way?
These are common questions that are asked and felt by people who have been involved with a sociopath, once the sociopath has moved on to someone new. The thoughts in your mind, can feel soul destroying and the pain unbearable.
You hear that he/she is in ‘love’ and is like a different person. It is most likely that the sociopath will tell you how happy he/she now is and to ‘thank you’
Yes, that is right, they will thank you for
- All that you taught them
- All that you gave to them
They will tell you how happy they are now, and that they are sorry that they didn’t do this whilst they were with you. And that you do deserve to happy. This can feel like a kick in the teeth.
You look back at everything you went through with this person, and now they are telling you how they are NOW Mr/Mrs Perfect, Mr/Mrs reliable – he/she is now everything that they pretended they were in the beginning for you.
And that last sentence is the most important one. So important, that I will repeat it again.
He/she is now everything that they pretended they were in the beginning for you (yes I know that this hurts, but hear me out)
The word ‘pretend’ is of course an important one. I know that this hurts, but you are looking at the situation forgetting that your ex is a sociopath. He/she is a person who does not live by the norms of others. Remember in the beginning, how he/she also pretended to be perfection and how you were sucked in? Well the same thing is happening again. Only this time to someone else and not you, remember the drill
- Assessment
- Seducing
- Gaming
- Ruining
What is now happening, is that the sociopath has regained composure, put back on a new mask, and is now playing the game again. This time he/she is seducing someone else, just as he/she once seduced you.
This is cause to celebrate!!! What this means is that YOU ARE FREE!!!! Yes, that is right, you are FREE!! Of course he/she hasn’t changed. They can’t change remember? This is nothing to do with you. This is nothing to do with how inadequate YOU are. They WILL be the same with someone else. So celebrate your freedom.
Don’t delay what you CAN do today!! You are free!! So go celebrate that freedom…..
You have lost nothing. Because you know that after seduction comes gaming/ruining. Not just sometimes, but all the time, as this is the way that they are.
There is nothing for you to feel jealous of. Your ex hasn’t suddenly turned into an amazing person. Has not suddenly turned into a person who he/she always promised you would be. Yes, it is true that you were used, but this is not a reflection on you. This is a reflection on them.
Your ex hasn’t changed for someone else, because they can’t. it is who they are. They can’t change. They CAN put on another mask and pretend again for a while, but this is all, this is all that is happening. But, just as his/her history is chequered with carnage, the same thing will happen again.
Try to be grateful, that the abuse of you has stopped, that he/ she has a new source of supply to use, for as long as it lasts. Most likely he/she will be back in touch, so be grateful for this space, to concentrate on you. Because one thing is for sure, that the sociopath is one personality type who can never change.
Copyright datingasociopath.com 2013
Dating a Sociopath 
@POS
No. I don’t use them. Some friends of mine that do informed me. ITs a perfect cover for her. She can get someone else to pay for trips, dinner, etc.all the while keeping the relationship at a very superficial level.
You do know though that while you are getting info about her from friends…. this breaks no contact rule?
No contact is there to heal, to NOT get your fix and to go through that pain. it is hard. Really hard. You knowing about her being on a dating website, is going to cause you pain.
@POS,
I know…you are right. I’ve blocked her on my phone. Some of my friends were trying to look out for me probably not knowing just how bad it would hurt
Might be best if you ask them not to tell you about her, that you need time to heal.
Some people get caught up in the notion that they have moved on, and are doing well in their life, so it must have been you. it isn’t, I hope that you know that.
On another note though – they always do that, as they can’t be on there own. Not only that as they see people as commodities, they move on quick. While you are picking up the pieces of your life, nursing a broken heart, its stunning how quickly they move on. Tell yourself that you are stronger as you don’t need someone else to prop you up – she does!! 🙂
The irony is that it is her that likes to state “I don’t need anybody.”
Here I am still feeling jealous…..another good read. Every time I start to think or wonder how she is getting the nice guy right now (most likely) and that still makes me jealous, that guy was wonderful!
Im also still angry at how she spoke to me, calling me crazy.
Oh well I am here and ill keep going forward, no contact still. My head is clearer without talking, texting or emailing with him. I am starting to be able to eat again. The last month was horrible, my stomach was in knots all the time, I lost 12 pounds….I guess I could thank him for that?
What you are describing does sound typical Mimi, I am so sorry that you are hurting. it does hurt. And getting rid of those words in your head, that were said to you, can be difficult as they ring in your head, and it feels like a knife in both your heart and your back at the same time (or at least this is how it felt to me).
Just remember that he loves the drama and attention and does and says it deliberately to get at you. The best thing to do, is to have no further contact so that he cannot hurt you.
A good step to start for healing for you, is to go back to the beginning, write a list of all the wonderful things that he said about you….. and then start to believe that this is the REAL TRUTH about who YOU are. As then he was mirroring you, rather than trying to hurt you.
I can relate to Mimi and Broken. Both was exact stomach in knots, including he said “I don’t need anyone”.. hmmm
He is blocked from my email but when he could not get through
he sent me an article with a little message without signing it.. I know the subject would only come from him besides,
I know what he would say and anyone I know usually identifies themselves .. creepy!
This post has helped me but i still can’t help but wonder that he knew how bad he treated me and our son and he has learned from it and now treating his new girlfriend with the good side of him I still love. I hated him for what he put us through and I didn’t take it no more and after years I called police got a restraining order and stood up for myself and I was nasty back but it was just rebelling against what he did. He stopped contacting me and I found out he is with someone else and he is now happy, so what if him loosing his little family we had made him change and not make the same mistake with his new girlfriend? Some of the things he said and did were horrible but is it possible for them to change with no professional help?
Hi hst,
Welcome to the site. You ask if he has changed and is now a better person. If he is a true sociopath, he won’t particularly change. he might try to manage his impulses, and manage his behaviour a bit better, but there will be no change. They are very good at giving an illusion, to show you what they want you to see. They love to make out to you, that things are brilliant in their new relationship, therefore it was all your fault. Don’t fall for this. This is just an illusion. Sometimes they even believe it themselves, or try to convince themselves of it. I think that there can be ‘some’ change. When I say some like that, it is because the patterns still repeat. They really have to have an indepth awareness and understanding of who they are, and why they do the things that they do, and the impact of their behaviour on others. Not that many do. Usually they are with someone else, because they cant be alone. As you know in the beginning there is always the honeymoon period where everything is fine.
I wouldn’t be surprised if this ends and he contacts you again, as if nothing has happened, likely using the child as an excuse to make contact. His interests won’t really be for the child though, it will be to make contact with you, he will especially do this, if he doesn’t hear from you, and thinks that you are moving on with your life. While they think they can go off and do their own thing, they don’t think that you should be able to. I know – hypocrisy, but this is the way that they are.
Towards the end of our relationship he did calm down but I don’t kno if that’s cause I stuck up for myself and got police involved. It’s like he’s had no interest in me n our son since with her and he uses the excuse of I told him to leave us alone so he cares that much he’s done as I’ve asked I heard they argue alot and he’s been seen with scratches down his neck from her. The things he did to us were awful and I did nothing to deserve it but after a while I bit back and now I’m the bitch. But he is always defending me to others apparently. It makes it harder to just forget when we have a child. He’s 31 has no where to live and and works on and off the girl is 19 and he was sleeping in her car but no they renting off a friend and she made sure it got back to me they are living together. He doesn’t pay for his child because he said he can’t see him but social services and courts made that happen and I believe it’s what’s best but he had done nothing to put right all the abuse so he can be a part of his life he’s too busy being happy with his new girl. Thanks for the reply by the way x
Mabe if I said some of the things he did to me before he calmed down you can see if he could change from it…. He would be lovely one minute then evil the next over slight little things. He spat at me pushed me while I had my son in my arms, threw stuff at me, would smash my things up smash my home up smashed my front window threw cause I ignored him. He would call me ugly and dumb he pushed my son in temper and if he would look after him he fell asleep and wouldn’t wake up neglecting him for ages. He would constantly shout in our faces. Slap me, belittle me, then he would cry and say how sorry he Is. He threatened to do bad things and one time he cut his arms as I didn’t give him attention. He would bang and kick doors while I was trying to protect my son in another room from hearing and seeing his temper. But towards the end it was just more the mental abuse constantly going through my phone. He didn’t mind me going out with friends but he couldn’t stop me so mabe he thought he had no power in that way. He said he saw his dad put his mom through a coffee table and his mom died from Ms when he was young mabe that was to do with it but if he’s got over it can he change
it hurts so bad
I know it does just begin again and remember this hurt it gets worse each time u go back. Stop the cycle
Hello friends,
First of all, I care about every single one of you here because I know how it feels to be in love and addicted to a full blown 100% psychopath. Positivagirl is literally an angel from above for creating this site, an oasis online. You have found a true place of recovery. No funny business, false hope, or gimmicks here. She is showing us exactly how to move forward. REAL ANSWERS. You will make some good friends here too ❤️
I have been here over a year now. Do you see how TIME is one of the answers? Everyone does things in their own time. Things have gotten much better. You might be in deep despair, would have done anything for your abuser, even died for him. You may have had a few “bad attacks” where you think you need to contact him/her, wish he’d call, pop up etc.
You get yourself out of those moments by remembering how it FELT to be treated bad. Don’t you recall how you were nothing to him? Remember all the evil they did to you? FAKE LOVE he gave?! Go OVER AND OVER those things in your head. GET REAL and no more fantasizing as if he is something good….he’s not. It’s not gonna happen for him. NO ONE will be treated right by him, not even FAMILY. I’m very serious. It’s not YOU. Understand?
Share whatever is on your mind here. You’re anonymous. Say what is bothering you. We can all support each other. Get things out of your system here so you are sure to stay NO CONTACT with the psychopath.
Thanks so much for this, I do beleive my ex is a sociopath, he harassed and belittled me for 3 years, we have a young daughter together so unfortunately i cant never see him again. I’m going through some seriously painful emotions now he has moved on, he wont tell me who my daughter is around, this is just another game, he is making me feel now like i’m the sociopath because i’m reacting to this and he is loving telling me he is with her and i’m just jealous, but he did some awful stuff i must remember especially round the time my brother dies, he also never visited his family in another country for 15 years, i feel he is uncapable of love, I don’t know why it bothers me so much, I feel he has damaged me so much i’m unlovable and not ready for a relationship because of the physical and mental abuse he put me through. Can they ever change their ways why do I now start belieiving i’m to blame?
Hi Amz, you ask ‘can a sociopath change?’ No, they can’t change. https://datingasociopath.com/2013/03/13/can-a-sociopath-change/
Yes, it is normal for them to make you feel like you are the crazy one. For you to start questioning yourself. Hang on, it is NORMAL to want to know who your child is around. It means you are a good mother. Not a crazy person!!
When you are going through the most painful of times, can you write a letter to yourself, to remind you when you get to the rose coloured glasses?
Experiencing bereavement of your brother is going to be tough, that is going to affect how you feel.
Please don’t label yourself with him. You are not the mirror image that he showed to you. To find you, you need to go back to old friends, family members things that you knew before he came along. This will help to centre and ground you.
You are NOT unlovable I bet your daughter doesn’t think this!!!
41andreborn, I know it sux don’t it? I have been having the knawing urge to contact mine. And I’ve been on 3 dates this past week and have had many social encounters of the fun kind. And yet.
Like Bunnyshy ( HI fellow 1-year member!) I did the “run down” in my mind as to why this is stupid idea. He’s a jerk. I would absorb the feeling and anxiety that came my way when we used to hang, and I would then immediatly recoil. Fuck that- who needs it? I found myself Friday nite meeting a perfectly nice guy, and bombarding him with my horrific episodes regarding my ex ( I am sure he was aghast, he even eluded to it by his comments)! But I didn’t care (*not my type) and I even thanked him for listening me out like a good therapist. Actually it was a great date- we had much in common and it made me forget myself. But what I felt was exposed way more than any stranger should know so I must keep a lid on my thoughts about this horrific event in my life. NO one understands why we put up with what we did. Not even able to believe it myself when I talk about this or that, there’s so many sh!tty things he did to me. It’s almost comical if it weren’t so disturbing. I mean like a dysfunctional Woody Allen movie, as I went through so many of the “productions” my ex put me in, I felt more like a mime trapped in a box then a lover. My ex has disappeared and I am glad. My last encounter a month ago ( NC and I blocked his #) he said he may be moving. This city will be a better place without the likes of him!
And yet yesterday I got depressed because I am unable to move on like I would like and yes, I still mess his physical self and all involved with that. I get depressed because I remember how hard it is to tolerate ANY one new and their new ways and the nervousness, etc.
I think that is why I put up with mine, because I know how hard it is to meet new loves and we did have many fun times. But yet as soon as I let him talk or act shitty, they saw that I was weak and tested me greater and greater. To the point that they can cheat on me physically and mentally and offer to be “the other lover” on HIS terms! No, I told him I didn’t sign up for this, all this needless drama and psychoness. I’d rather be alone and I am much happier without the likes of that.
I was going through my emails and saw this link, and thought ” I need to read my blog therapy”!! This place is so great, and bunnyshy said today the perfect wording of what I needed to remind myself and you too, 41! No amount of what we have to give will ever be recognised by them, we all know we gave it our best shot! Try to focus on the day at hand and keep yourself busy with whatever it is. I clean up, organise, and read online, with breaks to go outside and get fresh air and listen to summer sounds! We will beat this, don’t you worry. And like bunny said, keep on blogging! Lord if you could read all my entries you would think I was a compulsive blogger! But it’s good to get it “out there’ no matter if it’s read or not. You release it. Tell us about your stuff today! We are listening…
Edaldude
I wish I could give all of you a big group hug. It’s so comforting to see you all write my own thoughts. Still it hurts so bad and I still feel like our love is special and he’s right about everything he said about me. I still feel like the failure. I just hate being this weak.
Hey you are NOT a failure!! he focuses on your weaknesses, or your core soul wounds, and this is why you feel bad. I promise you will fee better in time, but first you have to focus on you, and heal your own inner core soul wounds.
Edaldude It makes sense to me this what you said – I get depressed because I remember how hard it is to tolerate ANY one new and their new ways and the nervousness, etc.
It’s very hard to move on after a sociopath I assume all guys are now and look out for the slightest signs.
Eldadude,
We have been here LONG, been through a lot. I look back at all our posts on each subject and boy does that refresh my mind too. It’s priceless. The evidence will always be here. Things he did that I forgot about are here from my old posts. It’s a great tool to get TURNED OFF of these evil beings. I have loved talking with you through the past year. Things are much easier now praise God. Hope you are doing GREAT too 🙂 xx
I am completely >>>here<<< with this. Had a sociopath I am so happy I don't have emotional ties to anymore. He guilted, manipulated, and completely tap-danced on the reserve of compassion I had. As soon as I helped him, he took off like I called the cops. He told me I was "crazy" and laughed in my face on speakerphone in front of another women he had with him, told me to get off his phone, and never call him again before hanging up. FYI-I don't think he thought this was big deal to do me like this as his mother berated him daily when he was a kid in that tiny sh*t hole they called a home (sorry that is my own dig).
He played like he was down and out and when I helped him out and he got what he wanted, he discarded me, and disengaged. I thought this person was the nicest person (not just man) I ever knew from years ago. I would have gone down in flames, fighting loyally, defending the type of person he was to whoever. He played me the entire time. Some people deserve the horrible lives they lead and he is one of them. I would have fought anyone who tried to tell me he was not a nice person. All the years I knew him, I think back now, and realize, he was arrogant and probably thinking "man she's so stupid…" all the while he smiling in my face because I was genuine and he was a lie. That's the secret success of a sociopath. It is ALWAYS a surprise to find out who they really are once you snatch that boogeyman mask off them.
The last time I saw him, he brought his current victim, I mean girlfriend, to a public event with him we were both at and it was like watching a kid in a candy store. He looked like he wanted to pee on himself with excitement at the fact that people watched and witnessed him try to humiliate me with lies…He's disgusting and that's a generous compliment.
If you have been through this, clear up your karma, pray, resolve past lifetime agreements, do WHATEVER you can to repair your energy, spirit, mind and body of these creatures that parasitically engulf the earth and unfortunately decide you are their target when you cross paths with them in this lifetime. There are "soulmates" and "hellmates". I came out of it and I am at a peace words can not express. I am doing SOO much better as the universe has been generous with granting me peace and success. Please take care of yourself and go to war with the energy of whoever the demon is in your life that tried to take you out, and fight, not for answers from them, closure, or even a miracle 180 transformation of their character, but fight for the return of your peace of mind. Look out for you and the universe will take care of them. I found out many things about that bag of skin (not human being) I use to call a friend. Things were revealed to me accidentally that gave me closure. I've moved, setup my fortress, and went from praying for the return of a great person for years I lost contact with to be able to rightfully reconcile any past issues from one friend to another, to praying that I never run into/see this former shell of person ever again. Life is a contradiction to see the least. The best revenge is living well; that includes living well spiritually, emotionally, and financially in a space where they can't touch you. Trust me. TRUST MEEEE…the universe has your back even if you are falling off the cliff without a parachute. They will seethe and won't be able to do ANYTHING at that point further to hurt you. Good luck.
Hi,
I’m hurt. Reading these posts help, but temporarily. I cry often.
I dated someone who made me feel like the crazy person after a little while, often. When we first dated, things were fine and exciting. We attend the same college and work at the same job on campus, that’s how we met. I never intended to date anyone on campus, ESPECIALLY not a co-worker, but it happened. It wasn’t long before I noticed female “friends” were always hanging around him, so I had questions. He assured me that they were just friends but, the “friends” and his attitude got too much for me eventually: the ambiguity, secretiveness, lack of commitment all too much, so I broke it off. Immediately after I broke it off he had hickies to show he moved on. Long story short, after NC for 5 months he confessed that he was with each one of those “friends” on some level, except one…that one is in a relationship, although she’s ALWAYS around…
We made amends after 5 months. Stupid, but we did. He wanted another chance. His words, so I gave it to him, but before I did I noticed he picked up a new “friend.” Before I proceeded with him I asked several times is he interested in this friend he said, “no.” I asked who was she to him, he said “friend.” And lastly is he interested in ANYONE, his answer was “no.” So we moved on hooked up sexually. A week after the sex, the same “friend” was hanging around at our job as if waiting for him and he ignored me the whole time. I couldn’t handle it, so I ended us on a Friday, by Saturday he posted a video of them together via snapchat and it stung. Monday I approached him, called him a son-of-a-bitch and that I hate him. I’ve NEVER said a mean word to him, EVER, this was the first. All the times he hurt me I just dealt with it and cried. After I said those mean words, Tuesday I apologized for them. He accepted it, but basically said have a nice life. Now I’m hearing him and this “friend” have a “thing” on campus and I’m hurt.
I think he really likes her.
I can’t stop crying.
I’m so sorry and I hope you have healed as It’s stings badly for awhile and it’s very painful to know that this person had cardboard feelings for you. It seems like the thrill of him knowing he was “playing you” was more of rush than the actual “friends” he had. In other words, these lizard brains enjoy the the torture of knowing they hurt someone more than the circumstances that they are playing around in that cause the hurt. If you hold on and make it out on the other side the pain leaves a scar like all trauma, but the bleeding does stop and you can sigh with relief and re-align to the person you were before you met them. Sometimes the universe will gift you with revealing to you certain facts and things about this person and their life that let you know you dodged a bullet and sometimes not. Just know and believe there are truly horrible people that “feed” on the most powerful emotion human beings live for next to food and water which is love. I have a tattoo, that speaks volumes for this phase of my life that says , “…I can handle my enemies…protect me Lord from those I love and care for…” It means to me that it has only been the monsters in my life that almost broke me emotionally because I gave away the only lifeline that people can use against me to destroy me which is my love and loyalty. I’ve spent my life perfecting the art of warring with my know. enemies instead of taking stock in the hidden enemies that I loved I called both friends and at times family. Please know that people that make you feel rotten on the inside are rotten themselves. Once you clear them from your energy you realize how much they stink, you move on disgusted and happy to have forgotten them and made it out of that situation.
Great comment thank you!!!
Firstly I want to thank you for this amazing site. It is helping me recover from a 10 year toxic relationship and I am now starting to make sense out of it all. I found out a few days ago that he has moved on (with a so called friend) double whammy. The relationship had ended about 5-7 times during that 10 years. It has left me so confused as I totally lost myself in it all. He has 3 children (to ex wife) who I love dearly and they have been coming here every second weekend for the past 10 years. Since our break up 7 weeks ago I have not seen them (did’t get a chance to even say good bye). To my knowledge he has not seen them as he is unable to have them where he is living (at a mates).
My so called friend called me 3 days ago and told me she has been seeing him for the past 3 weeks and that he has moved on and that they are in a relationship. This has guttered me and has some what set my recovery back. She told me that he had taken her away for the weekend (He never did this for me in 10 years) and that he is over me and that they are going to continue to see one another.
I haven’t contacted him in the past 7 weeks at all and will never do this as I know it would provide him with yet another opportunity to kick me in the teeth. I am some what grateful that I still have my house (mine before we met). He inherited $35,000 2 moths later he was gone. I am trying to focus on gratitude. I have 3 amazing boys who have been so supportive and have seen him for the mangy dog that he is.
I am now moving in a different circle of friends and am so blessed to have my family’s and friends support, people that are genuine and caring. I am slowly trying to rebuild my life and rediscover who I am. It was like a drug that left me an addict, I couldn’t see what was the only thing I could see was what I wanted it to be. He convinced me that I was the crazy one. He would say things and then deny he had said it. I felt like I needed to start to record what he was saying. It was utter craziness and nothing but emotional abuse. I see that now.
Thanks again for your site it is helping me to understand the characteristics of a sociopath, it’s helping me to love and care for me and to set boundaries with people. I never want to be back in that horrible dark place again.
“wow…I love that..”
This attitude truly terrifies me. This is victim-blaming at its absolute worst. It’s exactly this attitude that lost me the ‘friends’ I had back when I knew him and couldn’t give up and let go when he did the sudden discard after six years.
I cannot come to a site that is supposed to *help* people who’ve been victimized and destroyed by sociopaths – even those of us allegedly “more attracted to danger…” As for “evil,” I have none in me, at least not because I was addicted to the “love-of-my-life” when physical/sexual love was a very big part of it. Sex is just as much a part of a relationship as anything else.
Positivagirl, I know it’s hard to stay on top of all the comments here, but this attitude is so over-the-top in its judgmental injustice and cruelty, I can’t be any part of a *self-help* forum that allows this.
Still broken and alone after all these years… oh, and not through any fault of my own.
Blackcat36
Hey blackcat i agree with you, am my phone so cant see what comment you are referring to? Its never the victims fault
If it is the one you clicked respond to, i just deleted it there are some sick depraved people out there. How are you doing today?
Thanks, Positivagirl! If you’d left that comment about “evil” being in any of us, that would have just been so wrong. I’ve also recently read – probably submitted by a man – a comment about how this site sounds like a bunch of dumped women whining about being dumped. But those of us who’ve experienced this type of ‘dumping’ understand that these are *not* normal guys with a heart or soul or conscience. Moving from victim to victim utterly leaving their entire past behind and starting with a “clean slate” each time is just totally messed up. And yeah, I’ll admit, that was a red flag I took note of, but ended up ignoring to my own detriment. 😦
I’ve had a really bad weekend, but thanks for asking. ❤ Any time I start focusing on the passage of time and how much more I have left, you know I'm not coping so well. [Of course winter never helps!]
How are you doing?
Yes I think sunshine can be good for all of us, as the world can seem a more beautiful place. Won’t be long and the spring will be here.
I am ok, am just focusing on healing and recovery right now. Which is good, and going good. Interesting what happens to your mind, I think I learned to ‘switch off’ am just going through processes to switch back on again. I think for me, returning to work in the real world, getting inspiration from working again, will be useful for me.
Sorry to hear you are having a bad weekend. You know goal setting can really help with healing and recovery, it can help with positivity, and to begin to create your own wonderful life. Sending you hug for a crappy day x
What a nice message – thank you! I adore Springtime, it makes me feel alive again after the “death” of winter. And I’m keeping a calendar to cross off the weeks and days… We’re now over the hump and past halfway [Yay]!
I’m glad to hear you’re feeling good and on your way, some day I hope to be as well. 🙂
Blackcat36
Do you know what I did, to bring in the spring, and just to bring some colour in – I bought some daffodils – aragh I just remembered you probably aren’t in the uk? They are yellow flowers that come out in spring time. I saw some in the shop, and thought i would place them around the house so I could see the sunshine coming in, and the flowers coming into bloom. Kind of a metaphor I guess…. create a different visual to what you see out of the window. The mind can’t take a joke…. and it can lift your spirits 🙂
I may not be in the UK (though I happen to be British-by-descent since my father was born and raised in Liverpool). But I am familiar with daffodils. That sounds like a lovely idea, I was thinking of getting a flowering African violet (since I’ve got cats and they try to eat plants, I can only get non-toxic varieties). I’ll look for a healthy blooming one in blue or purple next time I go to the stores. 🙂
Yay…. please do, and watch it bloom and the colour and smell of the flowers. This could be you too. Starting a new day with a new journey… a new life.
Interesting how one lone African violet flower I had sitting on my windowsill for a long time (looking dead) has opened a new flower… It’s so sad when I remember that, whenever one of my African violets blossomed, it meant good things for me and the person who gutted me.
Do you know, I used to have prophetic dreams about “us” that totally came true, down to the smallest detail?! That’s pretty scary, because it means there’s a soul connection there — I believe he’s an ancient soul enemy from another life [for those who believe in reincarnation like me]. I learned through a workshop my late mother took me to that I am a very powerful Empath and I was strongly connected to him from the very start. Sadly, the cords were never cut (I lent my book to someone who never gave it back), so that may be why I never healed years after he moved on to someone else.
My one criticism about this post — and I remember how much it stung when I first read it — is that I had “NO LIFE” when I met him! I was just coming out of a miserable abusive loveless marriage of 15 years, it’s not like I had a social life or anything. How do you “go back to who you were” when your kids are teens/young adults and don’t rely on you, a misogynistic judge awarded full custody to the abusive father even though I was a wonderful stay-at-home mother and my life totally revolved around that?
Yeah. This post is great for those who have a life to go back to… not so much for those of who were in between and are left with nothing. ;-(
Hi guys. First thank you for the article!
I was in a relationship with a guy I loved very much so. He said he loved me too. I moved to another country for him, where we lived and even got engaged. But I started realizing how much he kept lying to me. I forgave him more than I remember and he promised to not hurt me anymore. But that wasnt true. When I first met him, he was a complete different person. He was kind, loving and deep. All the things I know I am. He would say the things as you also wrote in the article, that he was thankfull of all that I gave him. And I really gave him all. I ended up being deeply depressed and moved back home to my home country. I knew I had to run away. All my friends told me to run away. Growing up with a father who is a sociopath, I knew he was it too. But ofcourse I still loved him, even after everything that happend.
When I came back he said he still wanted to try, and he would be better. He didnt get better. So at some point i ended up leaving him alone for a month, until three days ago when I again heard from him. I had missed him alot and I was hoping he actually had missed me too and knew what he had lost so I gave him another change. We had a long talk where he cryid alot and said he loved me etc etc. I asked him if he had been with anyone else in this period of time. He said no. I could see on his face that he was lying, I know this face well by now. I asked him if he had been dating, he said yes. I chose to be okay with it. Then he wrote me again today and we talked back and forward. Then he tells me that one of those we had been seeing was getting serious and they have been sleeping together. And now he had to choose between us. That she was the first to be nice to him and listen – that was all I ever did. I hate the feeling of what we had was nothing. That I am just as important to him as some girl he just met. And that he wants me to wait till he have made his choice.
I want him to choose me. But I dont want him at all. I want to forget about him. I feel so stupid ever falling for him. I feel like he is a complete stranger and it breaks my heart because the love i felt for him was so grand. I dont know what to do now. Again he is in control – and I dont want him to have the satisfaction of you just being able to go back to her if I say no.
Hi Jules, by staying in contact with him, he continues to play the game with you. Sociopaths love to make you jealous, as it gets a rise, and they get attention. It does feel like a robbery. What do you do with those emotions? You loved someone the man who was good and kind in the beginning – but that man doesn’t exist anymore. But…… remember when you were a child, you believed in Santa…… when you discovered he wasn’t real….. christmas probably wasn’t the same again. But you didn’t continue to believe in him because it felt better when you did! …. and you know, I bet you still have good christmases ok, they are not the same. Its probably a game anyway if he WAS serious with someone – he WOULDN’T be in contact with you!! He likes the attention, so cut off the attention, and you will start to heal and grow. As long as you continue with no contact, you will grow within yourself. I know its hard, what do you do with all the love that you had for the invisible man? You…. well …. you pour that love into YOU!!
Your painful story reminds me of what I went through. Most sociopaths in relationships are not faithful, I had an open relationship with the one I naively fell head-over-heels in love with. Because I desperately wanted to hold onto him any way I could, I was “fine” with him having other lovers while out of town (we were often long-distance boyfriend/girlfriend) because they meant nothing to him. [Looking back, I should have wondered if I was also just a woman who meant nothing to him.] We had an arrangement, and much of the time, I was the only one. He said he never had any intention of settling down with anyone or ever making a commitment to one woman again (he was divorced and said he didn’t believe in monogamy). But he ended up abruptly ending our six-year relationship… Why? To settle down and move in with someone with money. Talk about getting mind-f***ed! I didn’t accept it — for years I refused.
I had never heard of sociopathic lovers, I didn’t know there was a “no contact rule.” So I kept reaching out to him every couple months for years hoping to hear that ridiculous living situation had ended. But apparently it never did, and eventually (a few months ago) he told me “never contact me again.” HE implemented the “no contact rule” instead of me — and no, that I don’t think that was a good thing, it was the final death knell and ultimate victory for him.
So I ended up hurting myself even more by not being the one to cut it off. Please don’t be like me and make the same mistakes I did! It’s been years and I’m still severely damaged. Sure, I’ve had a few short-lived relationships since then, but nobody’s even come close to making me feel the way he did. I got totally “spoiled” because he was that *seemingly* perfect. But after being miserably married for years to an abusive guy I couldn’t have cared less about, he taught me everything I want in a guy. And I’m not settling ever again.
But you know what? Lately I’m thinking I’m OK being alone. We come into the world alone, we go out of the world alone. And if I can’t find anyone else I feel that happy with, I’ll be the lone black cat roaming in the dark, not seen by anyone, just making the best of going it alone.
Blackcat36
Yay you are so right… you come into the world alone…. and we leave alone. I don’t believe we are ever alone anyway. We all have guardian angels (I believe) although — -haha I think that mine have gone awol through most of my life
Hi Black cat & Pos Girl, Wow your comments hit home to me. I feel hurt still by my ex narc, he had hold on me & still does. I am no contact but did go on paltalk where I saw him but we both ignored each other but i felt very sad like he never knew me at all. He was flirting a bit with another. She’s overseas anyway. I talked to others as well in this Christian chat room. He introduced me to it, 2.5 yrs ago. I also feel like there is or was soul tie. I used to be able to feel his energy felt like adrenalin. Now I’m not sure just whether its my own grief, that I’m feeling but can feel his energy from time to time, as Adrenaline like. My counsellor told me he is adrenaline & that I’m cortisone & they don’t work out 2getha long term. I have prayed to remove the cords & had hypnosis in past & burnt photos only to take them out of bin & put in garage instead. I guess going onto paltalk was not no contact & feel restless, sad as a result. I guess it was a form of contact albeit distant, even though he didn’t acknowledge me at all. I text god bless to the whole room. that’s all. I had lovely chats with others mostly sisters in Christ & one man was nice to talk to, he lives in UK. I live in Aust. I feel like Rudyard Kiplings black cat also walking alone in life. I try to move on & think of future relationship with new good kind man & even have wish fulfilment dreams but my ex seems stuck in my heart & I miss him the façade the happy kind charismatic side of him. I don’t miss the almost daily arguments belittling yelling, verbal abuse & signs of physical starting. Hopefully this will pass again. It must have been the seeing him text others on paltalk that did it. I wish I could stop missing him, emotional soul tie, energy. Hopefully it isn’t as strong as before. He is moving on, keeping to no contact, much more than he did in the past. As he tried to isolate me from friends, was much more controlling the last 2 reconciliations. they actually get more angry controlling verbal abusive, jealous the more u take them back. Yes the cycle gets worse & shorter times together & longer times apart, if u take them back. Prayer helps, God please break sever the connection for good this time, in Jesus name. Amen, Blessings love to all xxxx Dragonfly
Dear Blackcat,
Sweetheart, just because he moved in with someone it doesn’t mean a thing. He just wants a stable home base. He will NEVER settle down “for real” with her or ANYONE. He’s not built for it. I am very happy you’re out of that. Each month you’ll keep doing better and better and you and I might finally meet someone nice! 😉
Ah SO well put Bunny, thank you!!
It has been six months no contact . my ex I found out cheated with five or six women at a time when we were together for ten months. I let a few of the other women know he was sleeping with us all. One of the women that I showed written proof of texts and emails actually went back with him and she recently posted their happy pic on Facebook. He wanted me to have threesomes and be a swinger. He wanted to have sex w
Thank you, Positivagirl for agreeing we’re alone except for our guardian angels, who seem to be slacking off this lifetime. 😉
And Thank you Bunnyshy! He has been living with her – or I should say off of her – for six years now. 😦 He refers to her as his “family” though they’re not even married (don’t think he’ll ever get married again, too huge and official a commitment). But maybe you’re right — maybe he’s been painting a picture of domestic bliss, but it’s all a lie just so he can be taken care of and have a secure home base. He’s got all her friends and social life and family, thinking he’s part of a cozy little group that’s safe. But I keep telling myself, if a tree falls in the forest and no one’s around to hear it, will it still make a sound? YES! So I think he cut me off because he knew that’s what I’ve been waiting to hear… and maybe it’s close now. He knows that’s the only thing left that I can get any satisfaction from where he’s concerned (that *would* feel so good to hear!). And it will happen — I think you’re right, he’s not capable of settling down for real forever with anyone. He’s just taking and using, like he did with me (only without the actual living with part, which he values the most).
He once told me his best friend ended their friendship. When I asked him why, he admitted “because he said all he does is give and all I do is take.” I literally wrote myself an email to remember that, because I thought it was a very significant revelation. People who take advantage of other people are like parasites. And just like a leopard can’t change its spots, a parasite can’t change how it preys off others to survive and even thrive in this world. I may not have been able to give him what he wanted financially, but for those six years, I was his only loyal friend he leaned on, stayed in constant contact with, and visited with every other month for days. Another red flag: when I told him how loyal I’ve been all this time, he said loyalty means nothing if it doesn’t come with money. That’s just sick.
Amen Positivagirl. I don’t REALLY feel alone. I feel like angels are with me, my grandson and great aunt that passed away too. We aren’t alone ☺️
I meant grandmother not grandson. Lol
Aw I didn’t know that your grandson passed away bunny, i am sorry to hear that. How old was he?
I am almost ashamed to admit how many times I have gone back to myn…. The cycles get shorter and shorter though he’s sorry he comes back behaves terribly I get strong and implement no contact he gets enraged and figures out a tactic to get me to stop he says sorry comes back and around we go again I know I don’t deserve it and I can’t get why I keep going back 😦 and putting up with the physical mental torture .. His latest is that he has met a new girl who makes him feel normal and he thinks he might really like Her but he loves me too much to let me go? I have gone from trying to remain with no contact to giving him an ultimatum her or me ? He is stretching out the answer as long as he can and making me so jealous and riddled with anxiety the hairs on the back of my neck are standing on end and I can’t sleep and I’m off work … I wish I could walk away I feel like I’m running out of time but he’s dangling a carrot of money to help me out of the financial ruin he left me in -( stole lied and cheated in a business we had together then sold the assetts out from under me leaving me with debt him with cash) I feel like he’s in a position to suggest he keeps me on the side in secret whilst he persues this new girl in public ? And I’m scared im going to allow that to happen
Hi, I know that he is dangling this carrot of money – but do you really think that he will come good with that money? Usually they speculate to accumulate they don’t give much away for free. He has already ripped you off, do you think that he will come good? As they rarely do (unless there is something in it for them) he just enjoys the attention that he gets – for keeping you hanging on a string (I returned lots of times too)….. the same pattern repeats as they cant help themselves.
I don’t think he will come good with the money but I’m trying not to cut off my nose to spite my face .. I’m reading all of these posts over and over and over! I just keep thinking okay this is it now it’s over – we broke up then he comes back then now I’m thinking okay now it’s over he’s met someone new – but he wants to time share us ? At what point do my morals kick in and say NO this is not right ? No contact brings peace but he finds ways to break it .. He turns up creates new email calls me from blocked numbers ect I need to be stronger than no contact and ignore him
You know that right now HE has all the control. You know the effect on YOU, is stress and anxiety waiting for him to make the next move.
He is keeping you hanging on a string. If he was going to give you the money back, he would have?
I think that he is playing games with you, and toying with your emotions. How many times do you go over the ‘break up’ ….. grieve, and then he gets in touch again, and you have hope, only for him to take that hope away again. Back you go to grieving again. You know that this isn’t good, and it isn’t good for you. How much money does he owe you? Is it a lot?
Sounds like my life. I let it happen. Hurts so bad. Makes me feel like I’m the worst person on earth. I can’t believe this is what our relationship has come to. He was my everything.
The total debt is around 100k I signed all of his guarantees! (Such an idiot!) he is prepared to help me settle at 10 c in the dollar to avoid me going bankrupt 😦 I can’t believe I’m in this mess! His favorite game on the world is to keep me dangling on a string! The anxiety is terrifying I feel like I can’t escape the knots in my stomach and hair of the back of my neck on end constantly .. He is taking the weekend to decide her or me and I can’t believe I let him have that .. He is now ignoring me / punishing me and I’m petrified .. I don’t know what to do for the best I know he will just ignore me through the weekend the call on Thursday or so next week like nothing’s happened .. And I will tear myself to shreds before then… I wish I could regain some level of dignity
Hi
Please take me advice
I took the no contact rule very seriously. Deleted and blocked numbers told his family friends not to tell me anything. I don’t have facebook and I keep away from places he will be.
This worked ! I moved on quick even thou I was in tears and it hurt my heart so much it worked! 4 months on I thought I was completely over him! Then today I was speeking to a friend that lives in same town as him and I asked her for info, I found out he’s back with his ex and a few other things. I feel CRAP again . I said why did u tell
Me to the friend? She said because u asked I wasn’t going to bring him up as u said not to but it was because YOU asked!
I haven’t been on this site for a wile .. It has helped me a lot. This is why I’m now looking at this post to re educate myself.
Don’t break the no contact rule !
I was so happy without his venom, even in directly they try to mess with your head!
Oh also forgot to say. After phoning me to threaten me last week. And texting to say he had nothing from me at all this year when I said I had sent scan photos. I had a phone call from the police to stop MY harassment of him! He had gone to the police station crying that me and his other ex were ganging up on him. We later found out he had been caught out messaging another girl and was blaming us for ‘making a fake FB to send the messages’ luckily I have witnesses that I was asleep at the time the messages were sent and told the police I was willing to go in to show my texts saying that he had heard nothing from me.
I have read this wonderful website with such interest and I would like to tell you my story
I was with my ex husband for 32 years he was a good man but we had fallen out of love, we remain very good friends which is important to me.
He never played mind games if there was an issue it was discussed and resolved. In my mind, a normal healthy relationship but as I said we fell out of love and became more like ‘bestest’ friends. I was 52 when I left him (I am now 54)
I moved to a small flat and at after a few months decided to dip my toe in the water and try internet dating. This felt very strange to me as I had met my ex husband in a pub but friends had told me that internet dating was what everyone was doing now so I decided it a go. I did meet maybe four or five men who were nice but nothing special, then just as my months subscription was coming to an end along came my first ever encounter with my sociopath partner.
We arranged to meet in a pub near to me at the end of January 2014, we appeared to get on like a house on fire chatting all evening and I was really pleased when he text me after the date saying he wanted to see me again.
The dates that followed were so lovely and special as were the flowers that were delived to my flat and my place of work. He was texting me constantly throughout the day and fist thing in the morning before I went to work. He would look deep into my eyes (a look I came to loathe) and tell me I was the most gorgeous woman he had ever met, there had never ever been anyone like me in his life, I was the love of his life. Wow, wow eh?? However, despite all of his grand gestures and talk I couldn’t shake off the ‘bad belly’ feeling I had about him which remained throughout the relationship, upon reflection I think I chose to push it to one side and enjoy the lovely life I was being given.
I did find it odd though that he hadn’t been able to sustain relationships for very long despite moving in with his ex girlfriends very quickly and had ended most of them by email/text. He would say ‘She’s nice……BUT’. He also changed his job every few months claiming his colleagues were the problem
The first lie came about 4 weeks into the relationship. I was angry and challenged him about it, I also told him that I needed some space whcih I did not get, for over a week he bombarded me with texts and emails telling me how devastated and empty he felt without me. Finally I gave in and arranged to meet him to talk. He apologised profusely to me and asked for my forgiveness, I asked him to be straight with me and tell me everything, he assured me that there were no more secrets.
He took me away on holiday (several holidays) and everything again was lovely, until the next lie…then the next…..and the next. Each time I forgave him and then there would be another lie. He said that to prove he loved me he wanted us to live together (I had a this point bought my own house with the finacial settlement from my divorce) and get married. I am so thankful that I stayed strong and didnt allow him to move in with me, otherwise I am sure that the consequences would have been too devastaing to even think about
The first time I saw his ‘mask’ slip was when I went on holiday for 2 weeks with two of my girlfiends (arranged before I met him) to Turkey. His texts and drunken phone calls were so abusive but again the next day when I rang and confronted him about his behaviour he was full of apologies saying it wouldnt happen again but of course it did, several times during the time I was away. When I came home I discovered more lies – he had CCJ’s against him so couldnt get credit and also had a criminal record relating to domestic violence (one off he said).
It was in October of 2014 that I noticed a distinct change in his behaviour he seemed edgy, impatient and his eye ‘staring’ had changed he seemed to be staring at me more intestly but his eyes seemed very different now, more hungry and probing if that makes sense. I did ask him on several occasions to tell me what was wrong, he was dismissive and told me that it was just my imagination but I did have a ‘belly’ feeling that he was seeing someone else and when searching through his phone I found the text messages it had been going on for a couple of months.The relationship never really recovered as I told him that I couldnt deal with infidelity and would never be able to forgive him and move on.
He has contacted me since to tell me that he has met someone else and is very happy (she is amazing and lovely) I would be lying if I said it doesnt hurt and twist like a knife but reading the information on websites like this is extremely useful in helping me understand that he is a Sociopath HE IS THE ONE WITH A PROBLEM NOT ME and the poor womans fate will be the same as mine as mine was the same as the others before me.
Interestingly I contacted his ex grlfiend (the one before me) and her story was the same as mine, he had said exactly the same things to her as he did to me. However, she was less fortunate than me she told me she had lost everything when she was with him. Her home, her job, her dignity and self respect, she even said that she felt she had lost her mind for a while once he had left her. We chatted for ages brought together by a common denominator a shared Sociopathic boyfriend. I am proud to say that she is now a great friend.
When I find myself thinking about him and the lovely things we did, I replace those thoughts very quickly with reality and realise that I really only got away from him by the skin of my teeth and thank God he never actually took anything from me (apart from a little of my pride) …..he never got to move in with me….never had any money from me…..couldn’t isolate me from my friends. He got absolutely……… NOTHING!!
I am very sure that he saw me as a challenge and wanted to break me to get what he wanted and that must have infuriated him.
Now that truly makes me smile!!!
To all of you having experienced a Sociopath in your lifes – you will be fine with the support of good and loyal friends.
To those of you who have a Sociopath in your lives at the moment – GET OUT NOW!!!! You cannot change the outcome. YOU will be left devasted in more ways than one
Thank you for taking the time to read this
Julie x
Hi Julie
Thank you for sharing your story.
You are a shining beacon Posltlvagirl in creating this wonderful website – I read your articles everyday and find ongoing strength when a feel a bit ‘wobbily’ & fear I will try and make contact – stay strong my friends. Keep reading and educating yourself about sociopathy….it truly provides THE answers when you are struggling to sense of it all Julie x
Thank you for this article. This has really been a good read and very beneficial to my healing.
I just came out of this situation. I somehow blame myself and the psycho I was seeing ended it with me last year over something stupid and mundane that could have easily been discussed. Anyway, the heartache was intense and I went into a deep depression. I couldn’t cope. I’m a entrepreneur and my business was failing because I couldn’t work.
So I resumed contact with him and we started seeing each other again it was fun. I felt like we had a chance again although he told me we couldn’t be in a relationship, I accepted this and lied to myself saying that I didn’t want a relationship either. I carried on this “relationship” with him and believed that things would change as his actions were that of someone who wanted to be with me. I was getting so much attention from him, even friends would tell me how he has been wanting to get back together with me. He proceeded to treat be badly on occasion and I turned a blind eye because he would always counteract with something else that made me feel safe with him.
He broke up with me recently again. Telling me he needs to restart his life and that he doesn’t know where he wants to be. Only to be told a few days later that he has recently met someone and they are now dating and he is in love. This tore my heart into pieces. I am still torn. Moving on has never been this hard.
This man was in love with me after a week of dating. He showered me with gifts and trips and expensive dinners. We had plans to get married but I was a little skeptical because we were moving too fast. In hindsight I also realize that he only loved me when he could control me. The minute I had an opinion, he didn’t like it and once threatened to hit me, as a joke…
Im in a bad place right now. 3 years of dating someone…and I am tossed away like trash. Ive known him since I was 14, he was 18 so nothing happened 20+ years ago. We reconnected on FB 4 years ago. He was charming and wanted me to come visit him. I agreed and a couole weeks later he told me he met someone so I kindly backed off and wished him well. 3 months later he sent me a text out of the blue and I went down to visit him and had a fantastic weekend. He kept up the charm and I would go down every couple weeks…and about after a month he told me he was falling in love with me. I felt the same….fast forward a bit…i introduced my kids to him….fast forward a few months…i uprooted our lives and moved to to be with him. After being there for 3 weeks i found out he was cheating while doing the LDR THING. I got so depressed and felt i had no way out. I did EVERYTHING i could to make it work. I trusted him more than anything in tbe world and he broke it. Id find facebook flirting and emails. God it hurt so bad. I started drinking to numb the pain. Then forward some more months…He physically abused me in front of my kids. He begged me to stay. Stupidly I did. Then he did it again while we were alone. After that i moved back to my hometown. Still, i so desperately wanted to be with him. I didnt move back to him but hed visit me and id visit him. Back into the LDR thing. Kept finding things out but I fed off every crumb he threw at me. Found out last August he was seeing someone else, going on dates while still professing his love for me. I wrecked it between them. But things just kept going downhill although he would say he wanted me to move back down there. Then found out another woman from MY CITY went to visit him. Twlling me he loved me while she was there and she was just a friend. Weve cut off contact completly. I feel so used and worthless, not good enough. Knowing hes blissfully happy and im here broken. My life is a complete mess. I feel like the article says that hes going to be this wonderfully changed man for her and im here trying to pick up the pieces of life. I meant nothing. How do people do that? Why can they move on so easy? Help me.
Jamie,
He doesn’t have a blissful wonderful life. He never will. He will constantly suffer from boredom and unrest. He will never be with one person, let alone her. It’s not going to happen. We are all part of a doll collection in their cell phone. THATS IT. The current girl will have it good awhile, as long as she thinks he’s a good guy. Once that mask starts to crack and she catches on/complains, she’s done. Slowly and painfully he will toy with her, playing the push/pull “love” game that programs us to keep waiting and wanting them. Do not engage in his game anymore. NO CONTACT HIS BUTT! Xx
Positivagirl has changed my life. I was fortunate to find her site when she started around February 2013. The way I got through things was studying here REPETITIVELY, WITH UNDERSTANDING about sociopaths. I pounded every detail into my head. Also, if I was tempted to answer his texts or emails, I’d “recap” over all the bad he did to me, and remember how it all made me FEEL. THIS is how I moved on. I am 100% healed. Everyone here will be to as long as they ENFORCE NO CONTACT…..PERMANENTLY.
Thank you!! 🙂 x
I completely agree!! I am
so different this year than I was last year. I was a wreck. I couldn’t breathe and almost had a seizure from crying so hard. I was in so much pain. My unconditional devotion was mocked and laughed at. It was so bad. This site gave me the clarity and healing through understanding that the things these people do to you have ABSOLUTELY, ZERO,nothing, to do with you. The pain, degradation, humiliation, shame and humanity trampling they gleefully squeeze on your heart after gaining your trust for whatever they can get out of you (money, sex, power, status-whatever) has ZERO to do with you as a person. You are free even if it still feels as though your bleeding inside. Dont internalize their actions in regards to anything that has to do with your character. You could look like Selma Hayek with a bank account of Bill Gates and these people WILL find a way to destroy you (if they can with the power to do so) no matter who your are or what you have. The way they treat people makes their actions the viruses of humanity. Just like a virus replicates a cell only to feed off it’s environment in destruction, parallels with how they mimic empathy and compassion to manipulate And feed off of getting what they want from you all while being destructive. Don’t feel terrible. Fight it and win like a bad cold or Flu. These are terrible people and trust me, when they don’t get their way in life(in whatever they do or don’t accomplish), know that their own misery will eventually be their own undoing. Viruses die without a host. Everyone have faith and truly heal from this website as it is a Godsend for people in pain including myself…
How do you get over them when they live in the apartment above you? Long story short… This guy pursued me, I fell for it, everyone warned me about him but I just couldn’t see it. He moved into my building, we became very close, told me he didn’t want a relationship, we ended, now he has a new gf. I see/hear them everyday and its killing me. Please don’t suggest to move; I have been there many years and he hasn’t even lived there a year. I am hoping and praying he moves.
Kristen,
It is highly likely that he will be done with her within months, maybe weeks. Sometimes it’s longer though. As soon as she figures him out that delightful mask of his will crack and he will be gone. Until then, don’t talk to either of them, don’t even LOOK at them. No eye contact, no hello……NOTHING. This will help a lot. Xx
Oh I hope so. I don’t want to be with him but it still hurts. I am seeing a therapist because of this and he mentioned this guy has sociopath characteristics. But I’m not sure if he is and maybe he just didn’t want to be with me. I hope and pray he moves out. I am miserable.
If this is the kind of person he is then you definitely dodged a bullet. If he has sociopathic charcateristics then imagine if you were sick or in the hospital, or God forbid just needed his support because of an obstacle you’re facing in your life. The pain he would have caused by abadonment (typical of what they do when people close to them ask for support) is greater than the fleeting moments(fake I love u’s and compliments etc…) of how he feigns care for you. When you find someone else who is truly human and you guys can share love and devotion in a humane way that heals. Trust me. The guy upstairs will disgust you. And all his fun you “hear” with other people will not phase you.
I can’t taken it anymore. I think this girl is going to stick around. I think he’s been with her about 4 months. She is here all the time; even when he is not; so she obviously has his key, but then again, so did I. I hear/see them everyday. I honestly don’t think he is going to move. I feel like he is throwing it in my face. I don’t know what to do. I’m not moving, I’ve been here far to long. I don’t understand how he finds someone so quick and I can’t. I have never hated anyone so much in my life. I don’t want to be with him but it still hurts to see this.
He went to the hospital for the girl he was dating before me. I also feel like he was emotionally cheating on his ex with me cuz we would talk everyday.
I’m crushed…
I found this website typing my problem into Google like some kind of silly teenager looking for an answer yet I know deep down I’ll never find it… Even searching the entire world using a search search engine…
Reading these stories though I have learned I’m not the only woman out there crying mayday after being emotionally obliterated by a male sociopath that we would have done anything for…
I made such a fool of myself, my friends warned me but despite this I continued to carry on with what they described as a form of self harm…
This time last year I met the nicest, funniest, most handsome man that I considered the ‘best I’d done yet’ on an online dating site… We had everything in common, work, gym, diet, lifestyle, social circle was even similar as it turned out we had lots of mutual friends… After few days of texting we began dating and it was going brilliantly… He made me feel so wanted and special and he would text 24/7 just about stupid random stuff, we could chat for hours and never run out of things to say… After years of heartbreak in past I let my guard down and decided to pursue a relationship with him. After a perfect evening out we went to my house and he stayed the night, we slept together… He was jittery in the morning but had to leave early… Later that day the dreaded text came… “It didn’t feel right.. Sorry”..
Me being me tried so hard to be understanding I said it was OK (although I was dying inside) and agree to remain friends… I watched in the background via Facebook of how much fun he was having and various photos with girls… Nothing serious but still a knife in the side to me… We rarely spoke but met for a drink just before last Christmas, with few of his friends I’d not met before… That night he went off with another woman in front of my face… I left humiliated but woke up the next day to a bunch of apologetic texts and an alcohol exemption plea… Again, like an idiot I forgave him…
We occasionally sent texts about exercise and recipes. Deep down I was hanging in the hoping that the contact would remind him how perfect we would be together. I hoped he would finally realise…
We met for another drink with one of his friends February just gone. I’d been supporting and helping him with an application so we had been in regular contact.. After a few drinks he ended up back at my house and he spent the night with me.. By this time I thought he’d finally seen sense. His friend had told me that he talked about me a lot and thought a lot of me so naturally I went along with it… The next morning the same thing happened as before… This time I pretended it was fine and that we were drunk so it shouldn’t have happened… I lied obviously and spent days crying…
We carried on texting as I was still helping him with the application… Still hoping he’d one day love me as I now believed I did him…
One night, I sent him a text that required a quick reply reply as I needed help but got nothing back… I got wound up after couple of hours waiting and still nothing.. .I had put so much time into helping him and he couldn’t even send a reply that would take minutes.. .So I “showed my arse” lost my cool and sent him a very angry personal message as I wanted him to feel hurt as I did… Within seconds I regretted it and apologised although now I regret apologising… He didn’t reply that day but I was was deleted, blocked etc from all forms of electronic messaging servers… I was crushed… I’d put so much time into him… I wondered what I’d done to make him change his mind about me originally.. I laid blame on myself.. Still do.. I wasn’t good enough for some reason… It took so much to keep forgiving him and the more I did the more he took advantage… But I didn’t care I just wanted him to want me…
After a month of not being able to see his Facebook or instagram tonight I searched on another account only to find his relationship status changed and a cosy couple profile pic… He must really like this one as he’d not gone public before….
I’m devastated. .. I just don’t know what to do… What the hell was/is wrong with me..? What she got that I haven’t…
Ughhh…. I can’t remember being this upset when I was going through a proper breakup.. Please help…
Dear Lulu,
Sweetheart, it has NOTHING to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with HIM. No one will ever be “enough” for him. He will constantly be in unrest, roaming around with different women. It doesn’t matter what his “status” is or how cozy those pics are. It’s FAKE. The other woman is just the next victim. THATS IT. NO CONTACT HIS BUTT….PERMANENTLY. Xx
Dear Kristen, K & Lulu
It all takes time!!
Please read all you can as it helps you understand that YOU could do nothing to turn things around. Each and everyone of them they are the same and always will be. They do not possess the capacity to change…….EVER!!!
You will think perhaps I got it wrong? Should I give him/her another chance? You think this because you are a nice, kind & caring person who believes that everyone has the capacity to change. Please know they despite your love, help, kindness, support & forgiveness WILL NEVER change…..EVER – you will be ‘dumped’ again, again and again!!
No, you didn’t get it wrong. Remember that ‘bad belly’ feeling that you had in the early days? The one you pushed aside cos he was soooo nice. Those feelings should never be ignored (I did it too!!) they are your balance & defence and should always be listened too.
I saw a psychotherapist and whilst she helped me enormously it was reading and educating myself about the sociopathic traits & their recurrent behaviours that has been the most theraputic (seeing it in black and white if that makes sense?). It means its THERE and has/is happening to other people. I want to absorb more and more information…..like a sponge!!
Two book I have read that kind of made it all ‘click’ for me was The Sociopath next door by Martha Stout and The Empathy Trap by Jane Mc Gregor. Also reading on line information from wonderful websites (here) and other forums and realising that other people stories/situations and descriptions of their ‘Sociopath’ are all almost identical to your own. This will reinforce everything for you provide you with clarification
Of course there are days when it still hurts & the days seem dark (as it does for me sometimes) but it is to be expected. On those days when I read the articles again & again written by positive girl and other peoples experiences/comments I feel my resolve, confidence & self esteem improve. Day by day you will get stronger and stronger until you realise what wonderful fabulous people YOU really are.
Take care & stay strong.
Julie
Hi. This is really helpful. I just have a question, why do these guys do that? My sociopath once got me meds when I was sick and at work, and I thought he was a human. he’s married but acts like he’s not! It’s over now but We work at the same place, have same co-workers friends and I have to see him everyday.. He likes to be the centre of attention and now he’s doing the same with this girl who he used to joke b4 that I get jealous when she’s around him. Now I feel like I’m the loner having to not join the group and it sucks though I dont want to see their sweet love either. I’m so happy I ended a horrible thing specially that he’s married, but I don’t know why I still feel bad sometimes when I c him happy and having a replacement and I have to witness it. Tell me what to do when we work at the same place
Hi Emily, he does this because he can. He already tested your reactions when he said you were jealous of her. He was already at that point paving the way to move on. Deliberately picking a fight. You say you feel bad you see him happy, he is never happy Emily, that is all fake and an act, he is an ’empty cage’ inside he is empty and he fills himself with someone elses life and personality – they steal other people. So don’t think he Is happy you are not. That is an act on his part….. and as for her she doesn’t have him anymore than you do, again., this is just an illusion.
I feel angry that my ex boyfriend who became physically and sexually violent to me is treating the new victim better. She is one of the five women he was cheating on me with at the end. She and I talked when I found out about all the women but she went back to him. She said recently when I ran into her that they went to counseling. He still is on swinger websites and dating websites and I tried to tell her but she just walked away. Then he called police to tell me no more contact. I had been no contact for 7 months. Why won’t she get it? He was horrible to me. Terribly controlling. What is he doing with her that is different?
She has no prize… She has a liar cheater someone who is abusive and violent.
You cannot be responsible for her choices believe me he will treat her exactly the same. Abuse continues it doesn’t get better.
Lindsay,
He’s not doing anything different he’s conning her just like he did you. He’s raising her “up” so he can bring her down even lower. It’s all a game. NO ONE means anything to him. It’s nothing to do with you.
He used and abused me. Controlled everything I did. Lied all the time. Cheated the whole time. I was so good to him. He was very deviant sexually. Tried to make me into his degraded trash. It seems like he must be treating her better but I know he is cheating on her.
Yes of course lindsay. I know this is painful for you right now. Really you might not be able to see this through the pain. But you are in the best place. Advice for you as you have a child with him is please keep a record of anything he does towards you or your child you might find this useful in the future if he plays games and tries to drag you tthrough court for the child.
No I don’t have a child with him. Thank goodness no one does. He is 47 and no kids. But he did ask me if he could have sex with my 25 year old daughter once. Better yet a threesome with both of us he asked for. When I said no I got silent treatment and cheated on as usual
Exactly Lindsay. It “SEEMS” like she’s being treated better. She will go through the same harsh treatments that you went through. All will reveal itself to her in due time. She is being set up for a hard and painful fall. Be glad you figured it all out and are away from him! You’re out of that mess. Well done! Xx
I sometimes think that she might not be a ‘victim’ because I feel she’s kinda heartless and fake like him. I have to say that understanding how these sociopath think and use people helped me but my problem is that I can’t stop not seeing them everyday at work. The times I don’t see them I feel better, I feel like I stopped him from bragging about him being happy and in control while I’m around watching. But it’s so difficult to not see him we have a meeting with the dep everyday. I became quiter at work because I ignore him completely and he’s doing the same and he’s everywhere and the centre of every convo I hate to be precieved as defeated or he feels like he won although I’m sure he feels ecstatic when he flaunts his love with the new girl infront of me or when he’s around people and I’m quite. I don’t know how to feel like I wasn’t defeated although It was me who ended things after I felt he was starting to detach and completely rejected and ignored him .. I still felt like he wanted things to end which makes me feel bad if I think he’s happy or having another person now. I have to say I ‘m glad I tossed such scum I just want to know how to act at work to stop hurting everyday and to not look defeated or him to feel he’s control over me specially with the new girl thing
Hi Emily, yes but he is no happier with her, than he was with you. This is the truth. He isn’t really ‘happy’. Well I guess he is happy if he is ‘getting what he wants’ and if he is the centre of attention. That is important to him, to have somebody else’s life force to live off of. The new girl thing, she could be anyone really. She doesn’t mean anything to him, as people are just well objects for their own entertainment value, once you stop being an entertainment for them they move onto someone else who will be. But, he will grow bored of that too….. and then need someone else, especially if she starts questioning him. Don’t feel bad that you ended it either (read the post the sociopath exit strategy), as they deliberately behave badly towards you so that you WILL end it!! …. this is all part of their plan, but often they have moved on anyway, sneaky huh? But don’t worry again this is NOT a reflection of you, and he will do the same to the new girl, in time. You never know, she might teach him a few lessons if she is also heartless and fake….. and if he works with you, well you might get to see the carnage. As for you being quiet this is ok, as you are not giving him energy, he loves that to get energy and attention it looks like you are giving him nothing at all, which is the way to do it. Switch him off, as hard as it is, just see him as an empty cage – who is now filling himself up with somebody else’s persona and life. When that goes wrong, he will do the same to someone else (or might head back towards you)….
Well I felt more validated for two weeks as the OW took the pics of them down off Facebook and took down her in a relationship status. I thought OK she is finally believing me that he is still cheating on her as he has been from the get go. Last fall I told her and showed her hard proof of his cheating and lying with many of us women at once. She sent back to him. Posted pics of them on Facebook. He raped me violently when we were together. He used me and abused me and cheated the whole time I found out. He made me beg and plead all the time. He controlled me. Read all my texts emails etc. Well today I see she posted after two weeks of having him off her Facebook page. I see a new happy pic. I sent her an email showing her recent proof I have on my phone of him being on dating and swinger websites. What does she do tonight but now changes her relationship status to ENGAGED. No pic of a ring or big announcement on there just that. Why won’t she see it ? I am afraid she will end up a mess of hurt like me. How can you deny cheating proof over and over? Why would she say they are engaged? Right after I send her more recent proof? Has he become nice and different now ? My counselor said he was a monster to me. No mask at all with me. Help me understand this.
My ex is dating my best friend and they’ve been going out for a few weeks now. I’m really beginning to hate them and at first our group of friends didn’t support the relationship but now some of them are saying it’s their relationship so they should do whatever they want. But I can’t help feel jealous at times and I want to kill them both.
Yes, but remember that you are FREE!! You have the world, he only has her! 🙂
Hi & blessings to all.
I fell by the way side & got tempted, went back to my Narc ex, he paid for things helped me get my car home from interstate but controlled who I could & couldn’t see & started arguments, division, got very negative. I ended up lying & seeing forbidden friends in secret, to keep the peace with him & kept 1 or 2 secrets about my past, which got found out & I was discarded called a liar. I’m not going thru this pain emotional blackmail, turmoil again. Am doing a life skills course & seeing friends. Some of my friends have distanced themselves, they cant understand why I would return to him, mental abuse. He was charming, funny, caring supportive & handsome to me, at the start again, after 2mths apart which we were both lonely & had heart ache from before. He can never change & nor can I. I’m worried I have developed socio or narc traits from trying to cope with him trying to keep Rship together, as in keeping secrets, omission & some lies. Which I ask God Jesus to forgive me. My family live far away but know what he’s like. I’m going No Contact permanently this time & so is he. Hes staying away from the Christian Chatroom that we re-connected thru before, in May. Now we been in this Cycle, merry go round, entanglement for near 3 yrs now, with 2-4 mth separations. Lost a lot of friends along the way. Keep strong, My dreams were telling me to leave also. He left me instead. He didn’t seem to play up nor stole money or items off me nor raid my bank account, just my soul, energy draining & wanted me to listen to & follow, agree with his views & protection alias control. Blessings to all. I’ve missed u. Back on the No Contact again. Dragonfly
So I have bin no contact for 3 weeks but the s takes the cake ivebin abuse in all catagories and share a 2 year old all caos its hard for me to not feel guilty of all the embrassing things just a saddening guilty feelig about everything I do, times im just up in down after all this time as of tonight I cried earlier in the day I took a drive with my son went to differe my places I havent bin but when it was passin/ through the parts of town, the illision seemed so great family drive but im slowly learning again and I know im not the crazy when but I do take owner ship for allowin/ the abuse to continue , idk Im goin/ to see a counselor again I really just want to process and truly heal myself, and im isolAting myself. This guy veat the whole legal system and the guilty I feel to try and make our family work and beliving him is gut wrenching
I know that isolation for a while, is normal, as you try to heal and to regain your own energy for you. But you can’t do that forever, do you have any friends/family that you can also spend time with, to bring back a sense of normality into your life? People who were old friends, or childhood friends can be good or family members who love you for you – that is if he hasn’t isolated you from everybody.
I’m really glad I found this site….as I’m really hurt by a similar situation. Hoping anybody can offer me some advice.
To cut a long story short, I have recently split up with a guy who I was emotionally connected to for the last 3 years. Our relationship suffered many things most people wouldn’t have gone through at such an early stage (bereavement, illness, depression etc).
I know during the relationship I felt worthless, not good enough, I felt like a counsellor most of the time, I was sick of getting no support back. However, I put my life on hold for 3 years whilst I gave my ex every inch of my strength, support and love.
My ex emotionally abused me if I had small problems of my own, he always put others first and made me feel like I controlled him, he also blamed me for his fired up temper.
Despite all this, I feel completely shattered inside with the knowledge of finding out he is seeing somebody else. He seems to be life and soul of the party now (well according to facebook), he’s going to places with her that we used to go to, example. gigs, festivals, restaurants etc. I can’t seem to get on with life knowing he is becoming a better, more controlled person that I prayed he would be with me. I hung on for months and months with the hope he would be my true soul mate. I loved him with all my heart. Why can’t I move on?
Hey michelle. First of all gigs restraunts festivals etc this is part of your personality he stole from you. Isnt that sad? You see they steal other peoples personalities hobbies interests, even friends social networks and take them as their own. So you are left feeling alone while he is out living your life. This is what they do. That person that you miss? He is nothing but jumbled up parts of someone else. If he looks good now its because u are good. You know what all of that inside of you, is still within you. For he could never take you.
Thanks so much for reply. You definitely make a lot of sense! I just feel absolutely devastated that I’ve wasted 3 years with somebody who I thought was worth it. We went through so much crap together but I stood by him every step of the way. I’ve seen him and his family at their lowest and still loved him. But now, it’s like none of that mattered….he’s now moved on after a matter of weeks!. He always seemed to feast on my energy and show no support back. Makes me wonder why I bothered. Makes me feel like I was just somebody that came along at the right time, I don’t feel good enough for anybody anymore ;( honestly, he’s crushed me in every way.
You know that this is a reflection on him. Not you. Also know that he is giving an illusion. He is just as miserable as he was when he was with you. Anything else is just an illusion.
Hi Michelle I am so sorry about your pain…I know it hurts soooo much love 😦
I thought I was doing just fine until I saw his car out side of the OW flat when I went shopping about 10 days ago – it ripped my heart out, so much so that I was physically sick in my car and had those gut wrenching tummy churning sensations (horribel!!)
I had warned her about him (in mid May) and she seemed to totally get it, even agreeing that she thought he was a bit ‘controlling’ BUT I (no doubt he has told her that I am some kind of nut job!!)
How could seeing his car have made me react like that? I truly thought I had moved on BUT obviously not eh??
I was in a relationship with him for 10 months – feeling more loved that I had ever felt before, until i found out that he had cheated on me with the above OW
The only comfort I took is that I had spoken to his ex partner (the one before me…well, the one who he SAID was before me!!). It appears we had had exactly the same conversations – but this is what they do, repeat their cycles in chatter/living as well as Idealise, Devale & Discard. Everything he said to me he had said to her. You know the drill…..’You are so gorgeous’. ‘I have never met anyone like you ever’ ‘I want to marry you’. ‘You are my soul mate’ blah, blah, bloody blah!!! The lies were the same with a few extra additions of course. We now know that the WHOLE relationship was a lie. He didn’t love or care for either of us….and that is really difficult to come to terms with. His family (Mum & brother & Sister in law) have completely coluded with him and cover his back to maintain the lies and deceit (I think the term is flying monkeys??) Why do family members/friends do this? If someone asked me to lie for them I’d tell them where to go!!
What you have to keep in mind is that you are so much better than him and deserve someone so much better than him. Do you really want to go back to what you had? Whilst, if I am truly honest I do MISS the love bombing stuff – I have to give myself a little ‘slap’ and remind myself that none of it was real ALL just an illusion. Someone who brings me a cuppa tea with true love & honesty in his heart is someone a milion times better than my ex.
…….AND as said here and on other forums – her fate will be the same as yours (as was the one before, and the one before that etc, etc)
I urge you to have no contact and also don’t spy on social media as that will just prolong your hurting – its hard but ultimately its the best way!! Stay close to those who love you for who you are and take one day at a time.
I know that by doing this you (and I) will eventually feel indifference toward our ex’s
Take care & keep strong 🙂
Thanks for your lovely email Julie. Really appreciate you taking the time to advise me 😉 Sorry you’ve been through the same thing too. It’s so tough isn’t it to get yourself back on your feet. Hope you’re ok too.
It does feel so raw to me at the moment, but I totally understand what you’re saying about trying to avoid contact. Might come off facebook for a little while.
I feel sorry that her fate will probably turn out like mine. Sadly I’ve got the patience of a saint, and managed to put up with his behaviour far longer than what I should have done. She’s definitely experiencing the first stages of my ex’s personality. I fell in love with him, doted on him for months!!! I feel for her when the novelty wears off and every situation becomes ‘her fault’ and she becomes emotionally drained. You know, all my friends now say that I lost the sparkle in my eyes when I was with him. That made me cry last week.
It does make me so sad to think she’s enjoying the nicer part of his personality, because that’s the person I loved. That’s the bit I feel so cut up about. The only comfort is, it won’t last forever. By the time I find somebody special he will have had many failing relationships that have all ended with the same problem……..him! lol x
Today is my first day to break away from boyfriends abuse I want to text him but that just feeds his ego
he was out of work for for two years ,always crying the blues I worked two jobs to pay his rent bills good drink etc ,the day he met someone on a phone I bought and paid each he suddenly found a job and told me it was over owing me 60,000 dollars
his date didn’t work out and he starting calling me drunk and saying it was me and calling me mean hurtful names ,when I talked about him choking me slapping me knocking me out cold his answer was what what did I make mark did I make you bleed did I break you teeth ?
Is that how they think ?
Why do I miss this phyco or care who he’s with
Because you are nice Tina. Because he broke you down. Because he made you feel worthless. (you are not). Because he destroyed your confidence and self esteem. Because you bought that he was better than he actually is, by the illusion that he sold to you. Because he deliberately created a dependency to him, by feeding your comfort zone. Because he did mind control. Not because there is anything wrong with you. Also because you miss the ‘good’ times that you thought were there. As nobody else can fabricate perfection better than the sociopath.
So I’ve been best friends with one of my guy friends for over a year now and I liked him since last October. I felt kinda weird about it because he was gay, but I’m very close to him and I’ve never connected with someone so well. Now a year later its like he is the stronger, wiser and more stubborn version of me. We see ourselves in each other. So throughput my senior year of high school, me and him hung out and had a very deep relationship. We went through a lot of problems together, but we got through them. Weirdly enough, we became friends with benefits because he was bicurious. It was weird because he’d beg me to have sex with him and he brought all of it up in the first place. This continued on and off throughout our senior year and he started to question whether he liked me or not. We became so attached to each other and talked almost every minute of the day. During the summer, he got a car and we were able to go out to more places. We hung out every week of the summer . One day I was talking to him about a guy who I was interested in (who my best friend helped me out with) and I got the courage to text the guy. I told my best friend about how much I’m falling for the guy and how I really want a date with him. My best friend got upset and stopped talking to me for the day. I was so confused . =/ The following morning, he texted me saying that he was jealous of me for talking to that guy and telling me about how “I have more to offer to you than him and it hurts that you talk to him”. Then that’s when he told me that he thinks he likes me. All along I thought he was gay. The next times that we hung out, he kept wanting to kiss me. We’d kiss a few times during our hangouts and a few weeks later, he asked me out. I said yes! The next time we hung out, he took me on a date to the beach and we made out and shared some intimacy in the back of his car. He could not stop kissing me. Another time we went out, we went to a park and ended up staying in the car the whole time and making out. We were so happy together and we were comfortable with sharing however we felt with each other. He told me he was in love with me and talked about our future and I thought he was the one until boom. Stuff happened. He broke up with me twice in the relationship because he didn’t want a relationship and wasn’t sure how he felt. Plus, he was about to move out for college while I stayed in the area. Then he took me back and said that he thinks we will be fine with a long distance relationship. He told me that when thetime is right we can move in with each otherin a few years, but for now, lets keep the relationship open. I said okay but I was scared of what that meant. Four days later he broke up with me again and said that he didn’t think a relationship was on the radar for him andit felt weird. I was sad about it aand upset at how he would keep tossing me around like a yo yo, bit he didn’t care. He wouldn’t let me express my feelings about it so I told him off. He told me that he never wanted to talk to me again. A few days later, he came back like I knew he would sooner or later (as a friend). He apologized for not hearing me out. A week later which was a few days ago, he complained to me about one of his roommates (who is gay) taking advantage of him. He got really upset about it and I felt like it served him right for all the times he took advantage of me. By the end of the night, he texted me about how buzzed he was from some alcohol his other roommate brought home. He asked to Skype me and I said sure. By the time I was ready to Skype, he said that he was busy and that we can’t tonight. The next morning he texted me and said that he had quite a night. I asked what happened and he said that he and his roommate shared intimacy all night and they are now in love. I told him that I don’t want to know anymore andstopped texting him. He kept apologizing but i would not reply. Hours later he texted me again and I replied but I was still hurt and upset. I was supposed to see him the next day but wasn’t even sure if I wanted to. I ended up seeing him anyway to resolve our issues. For once, he fully heard me out and it brought him to tears. I could tell that he felt badly about how he treated me and I was so hurt that I was crying. He told me about how much he still loves me as a friend and a realization he made about how poorly he treated me. He looked at me and told me that I am here if I need him and that he will be my support system because he put me through this. We spent a few hours together talking and in the end I felt happy until one of my friends texted me and made the assumption thathe never loved me in tthe first place. When he heard about this, he quickly said that it was not true and that he loved me at one point, but just moved on fast. I’m still in a lot of pain now and Ihave tthoughts of hurting myself and he really messed me up. I talk to him about it and my suicidal thoughts and he freaks out. He tells me about how special o am to him and I talk to a few other people too that help me out. I just feel so many emotions right now. Betrayal, pain, hurt, anger, fear of loving, remorse, love, lust while I’m just starting college. At 17, this is the one time in my life where I have had mutual feelings for someone and was happy in a relationship. I never thought that I’dlike someone who would like me back. I ddon’t even like rrelationships, but this one was very special to me but filled with so much pain. The funny thing was, I gave my everything to him and I was going to give him my virginity too. Loved him to death and still love him to death as a friend. No one in my eyes would have been able to take my eyesoff of him at that point. Seemed so genuine and I was so in love. I don’t know how to feel anymore. Just lost my first love I guess but he will always be my friend and have a place in my heart.
For last 3 months been in relationship again with husband 25 years. First few weeks it was great, brought back memories first went out. Over last month become more and more distant. Found out today he has text and slept with someone last week all along telling me he loved me. He did this the first time round also.
Today he said its because I didn’t trust him. That’s its my fault because I wouldn’t leave it alone. Just this morning he said he hadn’t and wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.
I am hurt devastated,jealous that he cried on the other women’s shoulder tonight about it all,ifeel sick and angry. I have read the posts. He isn’t one bit sorry, he just stood smirking when I went to confront him again. I still love him so much . I feel so lost,ijust want him to text me everything’s ok and I know its not.
I am sorry you are hurting. Know if you stay with him he will continue to cheat. He cant change.
After 21 years of being naive I’m just realizing my daughter’s father is a sociopath. Everything I’ve read in the last week has shed light on the hurt and pain he repeatedly caused. He’s never contacted his family, we would break up and go back together constantly, in one breathe he loved me to pieces, in the next breathe I was every B’ he could think of. When I met him I was young. And within four months of knowing him I became pregnant. He made my life a living hell for the next two years. Then he finally got into some trouble that cost him 15 years of his life. Like a fool I stood by him for seven years. Then I got tired and felt like I was doing time too. I cut him off for the next eight years. I tried to deny that my inability to move on had nothing to do with still being in love with him. But as it turned out I was single when he was released and after a year of trying to be strong, I gave into his advances. He pretended to be a changed man for three months. The constant “I love you” the constant contact, wanting to be around me and my family. Boastfully telling everyone he should have married me years ago. He was so convincing, he convinced me that he really wanted a relationship. So I let down my guard. Started helping him get on his feet. I signed for a car loan and helped him with the down payment. I helped him with gas, food and money when he was off work without pay. I played right into his trap. When his job became more stable (no more holidays without pay) he turned into the evil b@st**d I knew back in the 90s. He took every flaw and profusely talked about how he could never marry someone like me. The emotional and mental abuse resurfaced. The destruction of property ensued. He called our daughter all kinds of B’s to her face. Language she had never been exposed to. He said he never intended on paying me back. I couldn’t believe that the man who hadn’t paid a dime of child support in 18 years would take from the woman that raised his child alone. He knew I used bill money to help him get a car and now a year later, he still hasn’t and doesn’t plan to pay me back. He blocked my number even though I only called to see when he would be able to give something. I stopped calling and tried small claims court but they haven’t been able to serve him. He doesn’t live at any address I have. I have found comfort in learning what a sociopath is. It explains so much about how he can walk away and not care. While it doesn’t stop the hurt, it does gives me some relief to know he isn’t capable of real love and he doesn’t have a conscious. This explains why he doesn’t act human.
It’s been nine months but I’m still in love with him. The no contact rule can’t be held as we are coworkers. Even though I don’t directly work woth him I still see him every day.
I am another individual that Akpe Osilama awesome has reached. A lot of us have desired love, wealth, luck and all but it always a step too far to reach or the chance never come our way and then it all became a dream nothing more that just a dream. Akpe Osilama the greatest enchanter i have ever known because he is the only one i know helped transform my dream into reality he helped me with an enchantment that made the one that i love find his love for me after wait forever in love with him. We’ve been best friend even before we could speak , we played together got in trouble together made silly promises at least we kept it but one i could not keep one. I could not stay friends with him forever, i didn’t want to just be his friend i wanted more i wanted him to love just as loved him but he saw me as just a friend or he didn’t want to admit he was also in love with me because it was obvious we sync perfectly made the same gestures, always in each other arm we were like lover that don’t make love . I was always a step behind when it came to letting him know how and what i felt about him. I wanted him to be the one to tell to say to me that he loved me and has always did. I wish i didn’t wait for him i wish i told him maybe it wouldn’t have took so long to be with him in first place. Through out our high school and collage years he was the guy every girl wanted to date he was the guy every wanted to give up their v card for and all the while i was the best friend of the guy i was in love with the one he tell all the nasty things he’s been doing with them. As hard as it was for me i couldn’t complain because we weren’t dating even when i wanted it so bad. I always found myself wishing i was the girls on the other side. We shared everything about our life and even told each other thing we never told those we dated. I couldn’t keep a stable relationship with any guy they all thought we hang out too much each other and i care for him more. They all left because they knew i was in love with him even when i tried to hide it always surfaced. My love life was a total mess and at first, it was really not a big deal because i thought with each man that come into my life a part of what i felt for him will fade away but it wasn’t the case. I found myself not being about to love them enough or always comparing them with him that always led to the death of the relationship. I knew i had to let him know i was in love with him and i knew it was going ruin a our friendship and also his relationship. I hated myself because he was a nice guy but i wanted to know if i had a chance, if we loves me just as much as i loved him but he never told me he was too mad with me for what i did not until Akpe Osilama helped me unveil it. I kinda picked the worst time to let him know about my feeling because he was engaged and i made his fiancée call it off. And for two years we didn’t speak he told me he never wanted to see me again and that i was dead to him. I was once again alone with my feeling all my effort to restore what i broke was in vain. I was happy the wedding was called off but was not so much because i didn’t get him instead he hated me for what i did. I was really really confused i wanted to stop loving i needed to get him off my mind and over. I was on that quest when i found Akpe Osilama on the Internet read about his work with some people and how they all got their heart desire. I contacted him with this email chiefpriestakpeosilamaspellcast AT yahoo DOT com in the standard email form off course that they left on the Internet he told me the spirit had already told him that i was going to contact him. I only told him about how i was in love with him and what happened when i told him about my feelings but he knew we’ve best friends since we were kids that i did not tell him he reveal something only yust and i Knew yeah that is his name. Akpe Osilama told me that yust was always in love me like i loved him but he was unaware of his feeling. I asked him to help with with an enchantment that will make him love me and spend the rest of his life with me. All he used for the process was the materials he asked me to provide and after one day he sent a package via courier service which i paid for with content based on the enchantment he had done for me. I did not pay him anything for what he did for he did not ask me for anything. I followed the instruction i was given and just like told me yust was my to love again and i was his to love just like i wanted. Everything happened like the movie only that it was not like it. I mean he was in another state but he came down to let me know he now knew he was in love with and he wanted to love and just love me. It was the best moment of my life i never felt happier than how i felt that day. Just for the record we have being together for a year and two months now and still strong i can even sense a proposer it was one of the thing Akpe Osilama told me will happen.