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During a time, when he had deluded me, that he had ‘changed’ haha… they ‘can’t’ change, and neither would they want to either. I removed my own story. I had checked my email, and found this written to an author on another site in early July 2012. At that time I had known him seven months. I would know him in total for four years, before he finally took off and left my city. I copy the email here, hopefully it gives you an outline, this is what it is like to date a sociopath. Here was my story as at July 2012.

Hi Kerry,

I think i might have been dating a sociopath. Who has financially ruined me.
At the end of last year, i met a guy. He lied from day 1. he made up a totally different persona. He was charming. He he was funny. He was almost too perfect.
He told me he had a 45k a year job, and would move in with me paying 3 months in advance. He told me he was going to buy an alfa romeo car. It was all designed to give the illusion that he had money. Of course when i first met him, he had forgotten his bank card, then he didnt bring enough money. Of course i was paying.
He moved into my house, told me that he had only had 2 relationships in the past. One was a psycho violent person, the other was an amazing relationship. He had been with her for 13 years, they only split because she had cheated on him. He said they had split 6 years ago, and he had a 7 year old little girl who he had every other weekend, and every other christmas. But not this christmas, she was in the dominican republic with her mum. he would even have fake calls every other day to his little girl.
He was almost too nice. My mum said that he sounded like he was telling me what i wanted to hear. I knew that something wasnt right. I challenged him. This relationship he did have things in common with me which were REAL, and those things were real because there was evidence lots of before i had met him.

He came from another city so it was easy to pass off why he had no friends or family in his background. Something wasnt right, he was almost just too nice.

After more than a month living with me, and saying that his work werent getting back to him – he confessed that he didnt have a job, i said he had to get one. So he told me that he had got this job. It was amazing. He got headhunted at the interview. He was line managing 60 people, he could earn more than 100k a year. Of course then came the illnesses so he couldnt attend work, but he had to work a month in hand so i paid for him until he was paid.
During that time he said that his daughters mother had become seriously ill with cancer. There were fake phone calls (set up with an alarm to his phone), this was a big deal because in jan 2010 my daughter had died at full term pregnancy. I was still recovering and couldnt have any more children. I prepared the house for her to come. He told me that she had 2 days to live that his little girl was living with her friend and her mum. it sounded awful. He went to great lengths to deceive me. I gave him money to return home to collect his daughter. He was meant to go with two suitcases empty and bring her and her things back. We had already been through where her uncle mark was going to bring her, i cleaned the hosue from top to bottom. At the last minute he couldnt come because they were around her death bed.
He left to pick up his daughter, i was out, when i returned home there were notes he had left. I couldnt believe it, he was about to be paid, i had sunk into rent arrears and debt whilst i temporarily helped him. Just packed all his things and gone. Then he said that his sisters twin had taken his daughter and he returned. There were fake calls to solicitors whilst he tried to arrange access to his daughter. I was waiting for him to be paid. I needed the money desperately. Except when he was meant to be paid he created a diversion shouting and screaming he was having  a breakdown. He needed to have some space. he walked out with suitcases calling the police, threatening me.
I was stunned. Absolutely stunned. He wouldnt answer his phone said he was in his daughters home city trying to arrange access.
Meanwhile i received two emails from his last ex girlfriend, and his last housemate. THey said that he was a compulsive liar and a thief and to watch out. His last girlfriend had been left in thousands of debt and had lost her home. He owed his ex housemate 500 and again had just left. I was left with just 5 and was starving i couldnt understand what had happened to my money they told me to check my account. He had withdrawn 350 over two days. I was stunned. Earlier my bank card had gone missing i had been sent another with a new pin.
He then told me he felt awful, how much he loved me. That his grandfather had given him 1000 and he wanted to repay me. He was coming then he didnt. So i decided to go there. He was living in a hovel. Of course there was no money, it was a lie. He confessed he lied. He said that he had spent his life telling lies, and wanted to tell me the truth. HE didnt want to lose me. So he told me that his ex hadnt been dying of cancer, he hadnt seen his little girl in almost 2 years. He said he was tired of living this life, the things that we had were real. He wanted to come back, work hard and pay back money that was owed.
Of course, I was by now so in debt, that i wanted this. I also loved him. After all we got on so well. Had so much in common. He told me he had a job interview lined up and was sure that he would get the job. He ate interviews. So i allowed him to come back. But there was no job interview. I went mad. He got a job, but he didnt get paid, he didnt complete the training. Then there was another job, again he didnt get paid, he said that wages would go into my bank account. But they didnt. again and again and again. Meanwhile i was by now borrowing money from high interest rate lenders, on the promise of his salary that was going into my bank account. My car had become illegal i couldnt afford to get it fixed. I had taken so much time off work, that they wouldnt allow me back, and i was now on half pay, Because of his behaviour my lodger had left. When i said i felt so awful i felt like dying, he called police, who kicked my door in, so i had no letterbox and a smashed in front door for more than 2 months so couldnt get another lodger. I wanted what he said to be true.
I spoke to the mother of his daughter who said that he couldnt see his daughter. He was a compulsive liar. If he wanted to see her it had to be through a contact centre.
He was meant to be at work, and i got a call, saying he had a surprise. Could i pick him up. He had awful teeth, and had just had his teeth done, he wanted me to pick him up from the dentist with a brand new set of teeth. I was stunned. he would get up at 6am every day, to go to work for 7.30am returning at 5pm. Again he said that there were problems with wages. I bought him a bike, and we went camping, all on the promise of wages that would go into my bank account.
Last week i was devastated when he said he had been laid off, i had checked my account again no salary had gone in. He had lived off me for another 2 months. No real job. No salary. I had borrowed money and was so in debt my home was at risk. He stole my ipod with 16gig worth of music. My mobile phone, and worst of all, an expensive watch i had bought in memory of my dead daughter. Noticing this, i hid his laptop. I knew that had just as personal things for him. He called the police on me. Again…
Fortunately the police could see through him. Took his house keys, kicked him out, and said tough about his bike and laptop he had my things i had his… he was thrown onto the streets and was street homeless. He lived like this for a week, and got given a flat. He told me he had my things that he would return them yesterday. He didnt, there were more excuses. I said i wanted to see his place. He was reluctant. I did eventually see his place. he said he didnt have key to the living room landlord forgot to give to him, i said i knew that was a lie. he said he didnt have his suitcases. i said i knew that was a lie that he had his case locked in the room. He admitted it, and i knew then that he had sold my possessions for cash.
HE doesnt have drug addiction problems. But this is what i have been going through i have been left financially ruined. Do you think that he is a sociopath? He sounds very much like it, he was so charming, a compulsive liar, and stole my things. Always told people what they wanted to hear and it seems that he has got off on financially ruining me.
Nikki
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  1. Hi Positivagirl here is a copy of what I wrote:
    AUGUST 12, 2017 AT 5:26 PM
    Hi I wanted to share my story with a sociopath and deceptive narcissist I met 2 years ago and just recently cut off for good. This story is a bit long so bear with me, if you don’t mind. His name is Silas Kamara but when we first met he lied and told me his name was “Kamara Obegenwae”-he lied and said his last name was his first name and he completely fabricated a last name. I would later find out why he did this. I first met him When I was on my way from college class I had stopped to the store and picked up a few items. On my way to the bus stop I passed a guy who I initially thought was Jamaican because he had a really beautiful, tropical sounding accent . I walked to the bus stop and waited here for a few minutes and soon after the ” jamaican” guy came up behind me and asked me what time the bus was coming. I wasn’t really in a talkative mood so I told him I wasn’t sure and left it at that. However the guy started flirting with me, told me how beautiful I looked and asked me where I was on my way to. He and I began to talk more and I found out he was actually from Sierra Leone and we talked about astrology and traveling. I told him my birthday was January 3rd and that I’m a Capricorn and I found out he was a Virgo (Virgo men are my personal favorites and his birthday was September 5th). I already felt chemistry with him and after our bus came we talked and laughed on it like it was just the two of us and he asked could he walk me home. I said yes and I jokingly said he probably just wanted to find out where I live. He playfully said yes he did but little did I know it was actually serious. He walked me to my house we exchanged numbers and he called me when he got home and mentioned that he would be out of town for a couple weeks but as soon as he got back he wanted to take me out on a date. I said okay and we talked more over the next couple days. However on the second day of knowing him he called me that morning and told me that he was ” in love with me “. I laughed and told him he was a charmer but no one falls in love that fast. He restated that he was in love with me and complete seriousness and he told me that the reason why he felt the need to tell me was because he is a “romantic/sentimental type” and he felt he had known me forever. Obviously I didn’t take him seriously but odd behavior what set the tone for the remainder of our relationship. When he got back from his trip we met at the park by my house and talked for 2 hours when he asked can I come back to his house later (he lived in the same neighborhood as me) and he could cook dinner for me. I said okay and later on he returned and we walked to his house. I’m a dominatrix when it comes to kink and role-play so I asked him could I tie him up and he enthusiastically allowed me to do it to him. I pleasured him but I told him earlier that day that I wasn’t comfortable having sex with him just yet. However while he was still tied to the bed he had been so aroused that he said ” how are you going to do this to me?” meaning he felt that I had gotten him so turned on that I somehow owed him sex. I told him no because he also did not have a condom and even if I were going to change my mind I would not want to have sex without a condom because I do not want to get pregnant. I untied him and we made out for a bit and he started to give me a massage but then got on top of me and asked me “why I didn’t why trust him”. I told him it was nothing personal but that I just didn’t feel comfortable without a condom. However he persisted and begged me to let him have sex with me for “just 5 minutes” and he promised he would pull out. However 5 minutes became 20 minutes and he wound up nearly ejaculating inside of me. I was so scared and upset that I told him to take me home right then and there. I realized that what happened to me was not rape but I still felt like I had been coerced and pressured to having sex when I had no intention to do so. However I didn’t feel like I could confide in anyone and for the next two weeks I was so scared of getting pregnant so my period was delayed. Meanwhile Silas found a way to play the victim and ask why I stormed out when he wanted me to spend the night (we had never agreed to that) and he told me I owed him an apology. I told him I was scared so I didn’t owe him anything and he didn’t know how to take no for an answer. Eventually I forgave him but every time we met up he would try to find a way to try to coerce me into having unprotected sex (I never agreed to it again) and afterwards he would accuse me of “acting up” just because I wanted to be responsible with my body. I grew sick of his rude attitude and we stopped talking for a couple months however in January of 2016 we begin talking again and he would arrange to meet his house where we would have sex and he will cook for me afterwards. However I begin to notice this was a consistent pattern And he never would actually take me on dates. When I confronted her about this I asked him was he just using me for sex and if yes just to be honest about it (I have no problem having casual sex but he kept saying how much he loved me and wanted to be with me and felt that if he just wanted sex he should stop saying things like that and be honest.) however he told me the only reason why he hadn’t taken me out was because he had a low income job and had no time for money to take me anywhere special, or so he said. My intuition told me something wasn’t right and after doing some Google searches I found out that not only had he lied about not having a Facebook account, he lied about his name, and he was a novice pastor in his African congregation and ironically often gave sermons on abstinance and chasity (i’m not religious but I thought the hypocrisy was absurd). I also discovered that he frequently went on expensive outings and trips he paid for with various friends (even though he told me he never had money to go anywhere at the time). He lived a complete double life. About a month later Silas called me early in the morning because he ask could I come to his house that day and he said he had something he wanted to talk to me about and it was important. I told him that he could just tell me on the phone, however he said it was “big” and he needed to talk to me as soon as possible. I went to his house later that morning and he had made me a fruit platter and he asked me to come close to him so he could hold me and tell me what he wanted to talk to me about. I was nervous but I figured he was probably going to tell me that he was moving or something. He began by telling me that he’s been struggling with his job and his citizenship and he’s worried about losing his work permit legally and the only way to keep it is if he gets married. I felt a knot form in my stomach and then he proceeded to ask me if I could marry him so that he could legally keep his working visa. I was appalled and angry then I begin to cry and I told him that I felt used, and that what he wanted to do was illegal and that probably didn’t even realized how used and taken advantage of I felt. He quickly began to apologize and told me that he wanted to marry me anyway but he was waiting for the right time to ask in this situation was just the most convenient for him. He began to try to control me and coddle me and because of my vulnerable state we were intimate later (he knew how to push my buttons). However I told him no and I went home angry as I usually did with him. When I got home I began to ask myself why I put up with him when he always makes me so upset. One day a few weeks later while we were walking to his house a family friend who lived nearby had seen us and she called my dad and told him she was worried about me because the guy she saw me with (Silas) was, in her own words, a ” sexual predator and bad news”. She said she knew exactly who he was because he had propositioned her in the past and she also told me later on that she found out that he was under investigation for sexual assault on a woman close to my age and the best thing I could do is stay away from him for my own good. At first I thought it was a case of mistaken identity because Silas has shown me his background report from a work application when I confronted him on what my neighbor had told me about him, but then I thought that to how he had course pressure me into having sex with him the day we met and how he got on top of me and persisted that we do it and I began to have suspicions and worries. However we still maintained contact and he would always persist in asking me to marry him however towards the end of the year (December 2016) he told me that if I didn’t marry him he would find someone else to do it so he could keep his Visa. I told him that I had no intention on marrying him and I only believed in marrying for love. He insisted he loved me but I knew he was being deceptive and manipulative. In February of this year (2017) right before Valentine’s Day he had bought me a ring and formally proposed me with it. Admittedly I was flattered but I still refused his offer and reminded him that what he wanted to do was illegal. After that I didn’t hear from him for an entire month but one night I got a call from him and he was in a car talking and laughing with other people and he said he would call me again when he got home. Later on he revealed to me that he followed through with his plan to marry someone for his Visa and he paid a woman he had ust met the previous week to help him with his marriage scam. I can’t say I was surprised but then he asked could we still meet and have sex and that he still loved me and it was purely a marriage of convenience and that he was planning to divorce her after 10 months. Needless to say I was disgusted and I met up with him just so I could tell him off. He also told me that the woman he “married” already had a boyfriend which turned out to be another lie. She had a son and she looked old enough to be Silas’ mother. He would post pictures and social media the two of them on outings and dates (remember he had still been telling me that he did not have the money to take me out anywhere.) I felt awful because I realized I had merely been used for sex the entire time and while he tried to use me for marriage fraud and he successfully used his new “wife” for his schemes he still would take her to all the places he never took me (the only time we ever spent together was in his bed) and it made me feel awful. I felt like an unpaid prostitute for him all along, and what angered me is that if he only wanted casual sex he could have just been honest with me instead of feeding me lies and decieving me about so many things. He also kept changing his story because at first he said he and the woman were not romantically or sexually involved but then he said they were temporarily have been he changed his story again and said that they weren’t. I no longer believed a word he said. The last time I ever saw him was in July about a month ago he had come to my house crying in his car and apologizing because the woman he “married” would not sign over her assets to him and he was worried about losing his job because she wouldn’t sign all of the property papers. He had the audacity to ask me to sign a lease note one his apartment so he wouldn’t lose the room he rented out. Thoroughly disgusted, I told him I didn’t ever want to see him again and not to ever call me again. I found out that he and the woman are somehow on good terms, he still takes her everywhere and looks after her son, and I believe they now live together in a different County (possibly because his scam began to unravel and he was desperate for it to look legitimate or so he told me). I’m angry and hurt because I feel like I was used yet I gain nothing from it and all the things he should have done for me he does now for the other woman he scammed. I wish he would have never tried to get me emotionally involved because it could have saved me the heartache. If he would have just been about only wanting sex I would have happened to him but instead he played on my emotions and never once apologized for what he put me through. I feel its unfair because it seems like he gets to move on and be happy and do fun things and go on the all outings that he claimed he had no money for and he never paid for his deceit and lies and the marriage scam. He goes to his church and preaches to his congregation yet he has skeletons in his closet. He’s judgmental (he would often judge me for how I dress and say I’m inappropriate and “dress like a whore” right after having sex with me ironically). He would constantly make promises he never kept and pretends he’s so perfect and everyone falls for it. I’m just angry and trying to get over everything I went through with him. It’s hard each day I’m stronger and and make an effort move on.

    1. Please don’t focus on him and what he is doing. This will hold you back. Focus on you. The love has been stripped from you. You sound like a beautiful kind loving person. Start pouring you. Into you. Remember each day that you are away you heal. Keep to no contact.

      1. aww thank you so much Positivagirl 🙂 and I’ll definitely take your advice. I also find that keeping my loved ones close to me and doing things that empower myself as well as practicing self-love help as well. Thank you again and love&hugs ❤ xoxo

      2. Sounds like you have this red lioness. Having a support network around you can help massively. Also knowing what empowers you. It sounds like you really do have this. You just have to do the ‘cold turkey’. Have you ever tried going on a diet or quitting smoking? Anything like that? You need to break the addiction. Otherwise you could be stuck forever. Pulled into the ‘good’ then spat out in a rage.. or your world turned upside down again. One step at a time. One day at a time.

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