Share your story

If you are new to this website  WELCOME!! You might wonder where to start? If you would like to write your story and place it here, we can hopefully support you! Welcome to the site.


During a time, when he had deluded me, that he had ‘changed’ haha… they ‘can’t’ change, and neither would they want to either. I removed my own story. I had checked my email, and found this written to an author on another site in early July 2012. At that time I had known him seven months. I would know him in total for four years, before he finally took off and left my city. I copy the email here, hopefully it gives you an outline, this is what it is like to date a sociopath. Here was my story as at July 2012.

Hi Kerry,

I think i might have been dating a sociopath. Who has financially ruined me.
At the end of last year, i met a guy. He lied from day 1. he made up a totally different persona. He was charming. He he was funny. He was almost too perfect.
He told me he had a 45k a year job, and would move in with me paying 3 months in advance. He told me he was going to buy an alfa romeo car. It was all designed to give the illusion that he had money. Of course when i first met him, he had forgotten his bank card, then he didnt bring enough money. Of course i was paying.
He moved into my house, told me that he had only had 2 relationships in the past. One was a psycho violent person, the other was an amazing relationship. He had been with her for 13 years, they only split because she had cheated on him. He said they had split 6 years ago, and he had a 7 year old little girl who he had every other weekend, and every other christmas. But not this christmas, she was in the dominican republic with her mum. he would even have fake calls every other day to his little girl.
He was almost too nice. My mum said that he sounded like he was telling me what i wanted to hear. I knew that something wasnt right. I challenged him. This relationship he did have things in common with me which were REAL, and those things were real because there was evidence lots of before i had met him.

He came from another city so it was easy to pass off why he had no friends or family in his background. Something wasnt right, he was almost just too nice.

After more than a month living with me, and saying that his work werent getting back to him – he confessed that he didnt have a job, i said he had to get one. So he told me that he had got this job. It was amazing. He got headhunted at the interview. He was line managing 60 people, he could earn more than 100k a year. Of course then came the illnesses so he couldnt attend work, but he had to work a month in hand so i paid for him until he was paid.
During that time he said that his daughters mother had become seriously ill with cancer. There were fake phone calls (set up with an alarm to his phone), this was a big deal because in jan 2010 my daughter had died at full term pregnancy. I was still recovering and couldnt have any more children. I prepared the house for her to come. He told me that she had 2 days to live that his little girl was living with her friend and her mum. it sounded awful. He went to great lengths to deceive me. I gave him money to return home to collect his daughter. He was meant to go with two suitcases empty and bring her and her things back. We had already been through where her uncle mark was going to bring her, i cleaned the hosue from top to bottom. At the last minute he couldnt come because they were around her death bed.
He left to pick up his daughter, i was out, when i returned home there were notes he had left. I couldnt believe it, he was about to be paid, i had sunk into rent arrears and debt whilst i temporarily helped him. Just packed all his things and gone. Then he said that his sisters twin had taken his daughter and he returned. There were fake calls to solicitors whilst he tried to arrange access to his daughter. I was waiting for him to be paid. I needed the money desperately. Except when he was meant to be paid he created a diversion shouting and screaming he was having  a breakdown. He needed to have some space. he walked out with suitcases calling the police, threatening me.
I was stunned. Absolutely stunned. He wouldnt answer his phone said he was in his daughters home city trying to arrange access.
Meanwhile i received two emails from his last ex girlfriend, and his last housemate. THey said that he was a compulsive liar and a thief and to watch out. His last girlfriend had been left in thousands of debt and had lost her home. He owed his ex housemate 500 and again had just left. I was left with just 5 and was starving i couldnt understand what had happened to my money they told me to check my account. He had withdrawn 350 over two days. I was stunned. Earlier my bank card had gone missing i had been sent another with a new pin.
He then told me he felt awful, how much he loved me. That his grandfather had given him 1000 and he wanted to repay me. He was coming then he didnt. So i decided to go there. He was living in a hovel. Of course there was no money, it was a lie. He confessed he lied. He said that he had spent his life telling lies, and wanted to tell me the truth. HE didnt want to lose me. So he told me that his ex hadnt been dying of cancer, he hadnt seen his little girl in almost 2 years. He said he was tired of living this life, the things that we had were real. He wanted to come back, work hard and pay back money that was owed.
Of course, I was by now so in debt, that i wanted this. I also loved him. After all we got on so well. Had so much in common. He told me he had a job interview lined up and was sure that he would get the job. He ate interviews. So i allowed him to come back. But there was no job interview. I went mad. He got a job, but he didnt get paid, he didnt complete the training. Then there was another job, again he didnt get paid, he said that wages would go into my bank account. But they didnt. again and again and again. Meanwhile i was by now borrowing money from high interest rate lenders, on the promise of his salary that was going into my bank account. My car had become illegal i couldnt afford to get it fixed. I had taken so much time off work, that they wouldnt allow me back, and i was now on half pay, Because of his behaviour my lodger had left. When i said i felt so awful i felt like dying, he called police, who kicked my door in, so i had no letterbox and a smashed in front door for more than 2 months so couldnt get another lodger. I wanted what he said to be true.
I spoke to the mother of his daughter who said that he couldnt see his daughter. He was a compulsive liar. If he wanted to see her it had to be through a contact centre.
He was meant to be at work, and i got a call, saying he had a surprise. Could i pick him up. He had awful teeth, and had just had his teeth done, he wanted me to pick him up from the dentist with a brand new set of teeth. I was stunned. he would get up at 6am every day, to go to work for 7.30am returning at 5pm. Again he said that there were problems with wages. I bought him a bike, and we went camping, all on the promise of wages that would go into my bank account.
Last week i was devastated when he said he had been laid off, i had checked my account again no salary had gone in. He had lived off me for another 2 months. No real job. No salary. I had borrowed money and was so in debt my home was at risk. He stole my ipod with 16gig worth of music. My mobile phone, and worst of all, an expensive watch i had bought in memory of my dead daughter. Noticing this, i hid his laptop. I knew that had just as personal things for him. He called the police on me. Again…
Fortunately the police could see through him. Took his house keys, kicked him out, and said tough about his bike and laptop he had my things i had his… he was thrown onto the streets and was street homeless. He lived like this for a week, and got given a flat. He told me he had my things that he would return them yesterday. He didnt, there were more excuses. I said i wanted to see his place. He was reluctant. I did eventually see his place. he said he didnt have key to the living room landlord forgot to give to him, i said i knew that was a lie. he said he didnt have his suitcases. i said i knew that was a lie that he had his case locked in the room. He admitted it, and i knew then that he had sold my possessions for cash.
HE doesnt have drug addiction problems. But this is what i have been going through i have been left financially ruined. Do you think that he is a sociopath? He sounds very much like it, he was so charming, a compulsive liar, and stole my things. Always told people what they wanted to hear and it seems that he has got off on financially ruining me.
Please share your story!


4,285 thoughts on “Share your story”

  1. Whoa. More pity party stuff from them – just like KindSpirit’s message, at least that’s how I see it. Come to think of it, I think mine wanted me to comfort him when he told me — after I was away for five months (pissed off much?) and he chased me down — that he had two other women, neither of whom he was sleeping with, fighting for his affections (lots of “drama and tears,” he told me – neither of which I ever indulged). And come to think of it, just as yours contacts you on VD but doesn’t say Happy Valentine’s Day, mine contacted me on New Year’s without saying Happy New Year. They are like toddlers!! Anyway, a year ago you (we) would have been understanding and indulged them. Glad you are at the point where you can say you don’t care anymore! 2 steps forward!

  2. I’m hurting so bad tonight. 😪 God, I just want to not think about him and how much he’s hurt me… how much I’m nothing to him. I just can’t grasp how people like him treat people like me. I feel like dying right now… it hurts so bad!!!

  3. Hey Cindyt,
    Head up. You’re not alone. A friend of mine posted something very true this week and I think it might help to see things in a different light.
    “When you get screwed over and over in life, don’t trip. It will make your life documentary and or book(bio) that much more interesting and inspiring to others.
    So keep grindin’ and moving forward.
    Quote by me.”

    You can get through this. It’s mostly In your head. Just try to see it from the outside. Try to look at your life as if you were someone else looking at your situation. It can help you see all the wonderful things in your life that actually might take up a very big space if you decide to recognize them. I don’t know if that makes sense.
    I’ve been doing well this week but at the same time I’m not really moving forward much. My narc is trying hard with me right now, sexually emotionally and everything else. For some miraculous reason I don’t get emotionally attached anymore, but I am still seeing him and sort of taking advantage of the attention, the money and food offers… I don’t feel too bad about that but know I need to leave it all behind soon.
    So just be proud of yourself! You’ve come a long way!
    Do something that makes you the happiest and become yourself again, because that’s something I stopped doing while I was In that toxic relationship.
    I hope you’re feeling better and that whatever I tried so say made some sense 😉
    Much love!

  4. KindSpirit…. thank you for your words but it’s just not helping tonight. I feel so low, so hopeless. It’s just not a good day!!! I will let the tears flow and hopefully tomorrow is a better day.

  5. Sorry you are struggling so much Cindy :-(. Trust it will pass. Very wise words from KindSpirit. KindSpirit, it sounds like you are moving forward just by not getting emotionally attached!! I hope you both have a good day!

  6. My female narcissistic sociopath is similar if not the same as your male counterparts. It has been 1 year 8 months since I took the scary bold step and freed myself. The confusion, turmoil and pain that I have read in these posts are the same as I have lived and experienced. But IM FREE

    Believe me I hear you and I feel you every time I read your posts but in my opinion YOU ARE DRAGGING THIS OUT!!!!

    One rule that it appears none of you are following is NC=NO CONTACT!!

    No contact is not meeting for food or money! Not sending emails and texts! Not having sex!!!

    No contact means just that

    Yes, it is difficult but if you truly want to change your life and your thinking and you future then you MUST FOLLOW NO CONTACT.

    Take that first step to a new life of peace and freedom

    1. It’s just not that easy…. when I love I love hard!!! It’s so hard for me to completely let go. I try… I’ll keep trying. I’m happy for you that you are stronger than most of us.

  7. Excuse me, Flylearner, but I have been NC for a month now. It would have been longer except he stalked me online. Still, I left that conversation and I haven’t initiated any contact whatsoever in at least six months. Please don’t yell. Thank you.

  8. Thank you and I agree it is terribly important but it’s not so easy when some of these guys (usually guys) find sneaky ways to break it or break you down, even months later, and no one in your regular life really understands because they haven’t dealt with a sociopath. I’m glad mine stalked me because my friends understand. If I say “he’s stalking me online” they get it. If I say, “he’s hoovering” (when a narc comes back for supply) they don’t get it. This board is really important. I’ve come on a few times to stop myself from breaking NC – just this past week, in fact. We all know how important it is. It’s just very hard to do.

    1. Thanks Val…. thank you fir understanding. It’s so hard to move on!! I feel like I don’t know how… my heart is destroyed!!

  9. That’s great! I figured it out on my own because my guy’s behavior got so bizarre. Finally landed on narcissistic personality disorder (covert, cerebral). He ticks every single box. But I really needed a place to talk about it because no one understands unless they’ve been through it.

  10. I’m ashamed of myself, that I’m back to where I am: hurt, angry, feelings of low self worth. My biggest problem is getting over my questions of ” what is wrong with me ( in his eyes)? Why wasn’t I ever enough? Why does he treat me this way when I loved and cared about him? It just hurts so bad!! I gave him so much of me… and yes I do understand that I am dragging this out. I just don’t know what to do… I need help!! I’m going to go back to therapy. I thought I was over him and life was good… 1 text and phone call and I slowly slid all the way back!!! I’m not going to doing anything to harm myself but I wish I would just be gone as not to feel this pain!! I just don’t know how to get myself through it right now.

  11. Flylearner, I completely agree. No contact is the only good way to end this. I’m not trying to promote anything else and I’m also not proud of not doing NC right now.
    But I am still happy that my feelings have changed and I’m not attached in that way anymore and I don’t get so hurt anymore by whatever he says and how he tries to pull me down.
    The next step will be no contact for me. Again, because I did it before.

    Congrats Valerie! One month can be pretty long!
    And Cindyt, I understand the shame you feel and I too sometimes feel stupid to not already be over it and still let him play his part. After people have told me for so long he wasn’t good for me.
    I’m thinking of getting therapy myself.
    And you should if you have it available to you. Whatever makes you feel good is the way to go now. This isn’t some “I broke my leg and it just needs to heal”
    The damage was done in your mind over a long time and that’s harder to fix.
    Just know you aren’t stupid for that. Those people pick people like us who are so kind and loving and love so hard. And it’s so hard for us to understand why they would do what they do because we can’t even think about doing such things to someone else!
    I know you feel down and bad, and take your time to cry and let it out and watch sad movies and listen to sad songs and cry more.
    But also know that once that is done you are the one to pull yourself out! And you CAN even if it doesn’t seem so from your position right now. I’ve been there and it sucks and it doesn’t feel like you can do anything to feel better.
    But you just gotta try. Watch something funny, meet with your best girlfriends, take yourself out for dinner or movies, meditate or read any book by Eckhart Tolle or Wayne Dyer if you haven’t yet. I’m not trying to stop you from feeling bad, it’s ok that you feel bad. But keep moving and trying! That’s what life is all about. Always get back up. And those books are AMAZING! Makes you see things differently and gives you hope.
    Regardless of how bad you feel, you are loved. Remember that 🙂

  12. Cindy, The question is not what is wrong with you. The question is what is wrong with HIM. Unfortunately, it’s nothing you can fix no matter how loving and generous you are. They are missing a part of what it means to be human.

  13. Kind Spirit, you and Valerie are literally saving me right now!!! Thank you so much for those words. I receive them and I know I’ll get back to me. I just wanted to let you girls know that I just came back from a long walk with a good girlfriend. She knows him and knows all about our relationship and what he’s put me through. She mostly listens to me (that’s a good thing) because hearing it out loud reinforces the idea that I have to let this guy go!!! He will never be good for me…. he will never want to be with me. The wall itself was great!!! I have to get rid of this extra 30lbs I’ve gained since last spring. I feel so much better. I’m about to shower and change my clothes and go to a new casino with another girlfriend. Thank God for girlfriends!!! Thank you two ladies as well!! You gave me the encouragement to get out of bed and do what I’m doing today!!

  14. I do understand that but when it’s you that they do this to it feels like ” what does he find wrong with me”. I know there’s nothing wrong with me… I think that I’m great!!! He treats me like I’m less than. I think I keep going back to try to prove that I’m good enough for him. Intellectually I know that I’m too good for him!!! I told you there is no one else on the radar and I live alone and get lonely sometimes. He’s what I know and to be honest who I still love so I go back to get that fix. When I’m with him I’m euphoric!! It’s crazy!!! When I get ignored or discarded it’s the lowest time of my life!! I literally feel unlovable. I made it before and I’ll make it again. Going to make an appt to go back to therapy next week. Thank you so much!!

  15. Glad you’re up and out!! Have fun! And good idea about the therapy. It’s all baby steps. You’ll start to feel better when you’ve lost some of that weight too. Sounds a lot like depression (understandably).

  16. Yes Val… I get depressed, I spend a lot of time by myself. I’m making an effort to get out more and be social. The more I’m alone I think of him. I’m sure he rarely thinks of me, unless he’s bored or I meet a need. Spring is coming and I’m trying to get in shape and be more social. I have to change my life!!

  17. Awesome! I’m happy to hear that and I’m glad our words helped. 🙂
    It is always good to talk to somebody and simply get heard, and often times you don’t even need advice because as you say it out loud it already becomes even clearer to you. Like you said. I made that experience myself.
    So you’re on the right track!
    And I definitely understand when you say you’re feeling so high and good when you’re with him but he also has the power to make you feel at your lowest. Same here! And I was always walking on eggshells because I knew the power he had and how bad I’d feel if “i did something wrong again”…
    but I also experienced the feeling of feeling free! And that actually feels even better than the high, because you feel relaxed.
    Don’t worry about your weight too much. Do what you love and what makes you happy and just eat what makes you feel good (not heavy after) and I’m sure the weight will drop automatically then.
    And I’m very into nutrition, so if you do need anything, healthy advice let me know 🙂

  18. I am starting the process of divorcing a raging sociopath, I am facing the fight of my life, I’m scared to death what he may do to me before I have a chance to start my life over. We have been together 21 years, married 18, have 6 children. I never knew what was happening to me, what he was and what he was doing to me until about 2 years ago. My story is long, it’s terrifying, it’s violent. I have zero support, I have been isolated and torn from my friends, and my only family is one sister, who is a narcissist, and doesn’t care at all about what has happened to me.I feel really alone. I would like to share some of my experiences, if there is anyone willing to listen. I am exhausted from trying to keep the monster calm, I want out, and I deserve to be happy, I deserve to be free. I am a heart failure survivor, a breast cancer survivor, and I pray I will be a sociopath-psychopath survivor.

    1. Hi S (I edited your name for your protection). You have been through so much. You already are a survivor. You must be absolutely exhausted. I am willing to listen to you. It is 2am in UK, I will be back tomorrow, if you want to write, maybe someone else can help you in the meantime? If not I will reply tomorrow.

    2. S….I am here. We will listen and support you. Feel free to tell your story and don’t worry about how long it is. We all have long stories 😊

  19. Hey Ladies,
    I’ve had a great couple of day!!! The weather here in Maryland has been sunny and 70 degrees, so I’ve been out walking and enjoying the weather and my friends and family. Today my son walked the bridge with me ( 5 miles round trip ), then we shopped and got something to eat!!! It was a great day!!! My girlfriend and I had planned to go to a new casino tonight but I overdid the workout. We’re planning to go tomorrow… staying busy and not. being sad. Thank God!!! I thank you girls again for the support!!

  20. That’s great cindyt! I’m happy to hear you had a great weekend. Being outside in nature or simply out helps me too very often!
    Good to hear you’re filling your time with wonderful things 🙌🏻☀️

  21. Thank you!! And I’m so grateful for the support! I’ve decided to make him an object and not a person… in an effort to disconnect emotionally. It’s working so far.

  22. Hi everyone, So very sorry about your situation, S. Your story reminds me that loneliness is not nearly as bad as being in a nightmare relationship. I hope you can find some support but yes, we are here!

    Cindy, so glad to hear you had a nice few days! I like the idea of making him an object rather than a person. That is what he is. Hollowed out human is not a human.

    I went on that date yesterday. The guy was interesting but maybe psycho. I should listen to my gut. Before we met he told me he was a bit sociopathic, believe it or not. I was taken aback (understandably) and asked him a bunch of questions. I don’t think he is one but he seems to attract nutters and then pride himself on not getting involved. Says he doesn’t like drama but every ex story was dramatic, some scarily so. I think he must create drama somehow. Maybe a good chat buddy but not partner material for me.

    Problem is that I am attracted to complex people but I don’t want my own life to be so complex. I’d rather watch from the sidelines. Afraid I will get dragged into more emotional drama. I’ll ask him if he doesn’t think he actually creates these situations. Or maybe he is a fantasist. In any case, I need to trust my feelings about it this time (remember I dumped my narc a month after I met him and then went back! Didn’t trust my gut).

    Each time I have one of these dates (not that many, but a few now), it makes me miss the narc because at least he was familiar. Right? So again I am trying to keep myself from contacting him and saying look, I know you are a nut but at least you were my nut. People are just so weird and it’s a bit tiring dealing with new ones all the time!

  23. Val… girl I swear we are so much alike!! If you lived in Maryland we would probably be besties!!! I too like complex people, not necessarily drama but men that are interesting to the point that I have to work a little to capture them. I’m sorry that the date didn’t work out… you tried. I decided not to even entertain a date with the guy I’ve been talking to. First, he seems way too eager…. texts me before 5am on a workday, then if I don’t reply within a couple hours he texts again with an impatient tone!!! Calls my office before I get in ( after I’ve replied to morning text stating I’m on the way into work ), he’s 43 (looks older) but has a 2 year old. I’m 50 with a grown child and have no interest in spending time with a toddler or someone I’m dating having limited time because he has his baby. I can relate to how going out with someone else will bring back thoughts of him. I too have tried the ” I know you’re a psycho but I know what I’m dealing with and you’re my psycho… let’s stay together ” thing… but once they know that you’re aware and accept who they are they treat you worse!!! That’s when he started to just not care and wouldn’t call or show up. He didn’t do that prior to me finding out he was a sociopath. I can’t just accept that, it’s extremely hurtful!! I wished for the days when he was lying to me about why he couldn’t see me, at least I got an explanation and planned something else. Well, I have another good day planned. I’m getting to go to the gym, I have to stop by the grocery store for healthy foods then meeting up with a girlfriend to FINALLY hit this casino!!! Have a great day girl!!!

  24. Hi Cindy! Yes, it would be nice to be able to hang out in real life. The 43 year old sounds very needy. My ex husband was incredibly needy and drove me crazy. I had to fight to get out of that suffocating situation. The narc was not needy at all, and that’s what attracted me to him! Go figure! Ha! I guess you are right about the unmasking because at the beginning, when I was completely innocent, he would charm me into bed, be relaxed, be fun, but as soon as I started noticing the weirdness and began to lose my innocence, he got more and more controlling, until it was all weirdness all the time! It’s some sort of punishment, I guess, for being too intelligent?

    Glad you have a good day planned! It all sounds fun! Don’t lose too much money 😉

  25. Yes, I am the same way, unfortunately. I like interesting people and people who can “pull me in”. But I’ve went on other dates before only to find out that either the guy was a weirdo or didn’t know how to “handle women”, like in “charming” me. So that made me wanna go back to my narc who i was used to and who knows how to charm me and “handle” me and who is or was “home”.
    It’s the feeling of home and familiarity, of somebody knowing me, that makes me want to go back and spend time with him. Not even get back into a relationship, but getting the love that’s probably not even love.
    I don’t trust him and I think he cheated on me, but he would never admit that.
    I’ve told him all my doubts except that i think he’s a narcissist or sociopath. I just have a feeling that would put him in rage in a way or make him mad and eventually he’d try to convince me I followed the wrong clues and brainwash me more…
    glad you’re going for your happiness cindyt!
    That’s inspiring me to finally go out and get my workout in 🙂

  26. Yes that’s exactly it. Mine knew how to charm me and how to talk me down when I went over the edge. He became familiar and soothing. I even told him he was like my port in the storm or security blanket. When we were together – either in the flesh or online – it was like nothing else existed. I would joke about our little sex bubble. I found it bizarre, but didn’t mind, really. I would have continued had he been more consistent and not brought other women into the picture. To this day I do not really understand why he threw away what we had. He said he wasn’t sleeping with either of the other women and I don’t think he was. He did not have to tell me about them. I never would have known. I really think it was the classic inability of the narcissist to couple intimacy with sex. It felt too intimate with me and so he had to do something that he knew would disrupt it. I don’t really think he ever cheated or if he did it was while I was away or was virtual/internet porn.

  27. Yes girl…. I’ve worked out really hard 3 days in a row!! The first 2 days were fun because I had someone doing it with me. I still enjoyed my day today… worked out, grocery shopped and shopped for household items, went to my old house to spend some time with my estranged husband ( he has cancer) we are good friends and I’ll always be here for him. I came home to prepare my meals and clothes for work for the week. I’ve been busy and I love it!! Of course he sneak into my thoughts ( almost everything reminds me of him) but I quickly move on to the next thing. Yes, he’s very interesting, not needy at all, cute, sexy, outgoing personality, funny, we connected quickly and yes he’s the first man to ” handle me”. How ironic that he’s by far the youngest guy I’ve ever dated. I used to like older men ( husband is 10 years older)….. sociopath is 15 years younger. And yes he’s like ” home” to me. It’s amazing how they do that!! If they used their powers for good, they would be awesome!! If he was real he would have been the perfect man for me!! Oh well… I just try to stay focused that all that charm was an act!!

  28. I love that line – if they used their powers for good, they’d be awesome. So true. Mine is younger than me too, though not 15 years younger. Sorry to hear about your ex husband. That is tough.

  29. Thank you… it is. We had a mostly terrible marriage, but we are the best of friends and support each other. He’s ok for now but we don’t know what’s going to happen. I just be there for him as much as I can!! Yes, I’ve told my sociopath that if he only used his talents for good he would get further in life.

  30. I’m sorry about your ex husband cindyt! It’s very nice of you to be there for him!

    My sociopath is 15 years my senior and while I like being “guided” it makes things even harder I feel like. Cause I can’t tell him anything, he always knows better and the main reason is he has more experience.
    You are so right! If they only used their (manipulative) powers to do all good, that would be amazing.
    Mine does in a way, but I’m starting to believe that’s only so people will love him. He loves to help people, but he still is who he is… maybe he’s just playing that.
    we had a “date” today. He was gonna take me to this restaurant I’ve been wanting to go to for so long and I agreed because I’m low on money and like I said I still enjoy his company (until the “collision” moment…)
    I’m used to him making me wait all the time and him not even thinking it’s a bad thing or that I should be upset.
    So when his phone wasn’t on half an hour before we were supposed to meet I already thought he might be late. He was. Half an hour. I got so mad that I left and then he came and I turned around. He said he didn’t get out of work earlier and i could’ve just went in and hold the reservation. (Not knowing if or when he’d show up of course)
    I’m so mad! So we went to this shitty pizza place and didn’t talk until after we got out again. He told me how to do better next time and that it wasn’t his fault. That I should give him the benefit of the doubt (he always asks for that one) and that I should’ve just went in by myself and wait for him in there… I have waited for this guy up to two hours sometimes, in the car at his place for him to come home, waiting at a meeting point when I was without a car… the list goes on. When I said that I’m done constantly waiting for him and that he should’ve at least apologized he just walked away. So getting my confirmation again that he is crazy I walked back to my car and drove off. And of course he sends me a text 20 mins later saying he’s sorry and it wasn’t his fault and he just wants to do everything perfect for me and that he never wants to let me wait again. Hahahaha

    Ladies, I don’t know why I still even bother with him. Probably because I like the attention and the free food that I can really use right now.
    But I know better. It’s like a strange addiction.
    I just had to vent. I wish somebody could just diagnose him. I’m sure it would make him really angry 😅
    At least I have a good reason now to really break the contact…

    It feels nice to have people like you who understand 100% what I’m going through.

  31. My ex husband won’t even tell me where he’s living. LOL. It’s kind of bizarre because I can’t file the divorce papers if I don’t know where he is. But I know it’s because he’s embarrassed. He lives off of women like a parasite – literally. He needs financial support, social support (no friends and lost his job last year), psychological support (tough childhood), etc. He’s a blood sucker.

    Yes. Sociopaths are a very strange addiction!!

    The waiting thing sounds very familiar, KindSpirit. Mine used to make me wait all the time too, and I am very impatient! Everything about his life took priority. I never stood up for myself or made it clear that my time even mattered because in truth, it didn’t. I mean objectively it did but the situation was such that I was flexible and worked from home a lot. I felt like a helicopter landing pad. He would never clue me in until the last minute. I thought it was a huge breakthrough when he once told me with more than a day’s notice when we’d see each other, and then he canceled!

    I never got angry to his face and I never changed my plans because of him (which of course would make him want me more – if I was unavailable he’d be all over me) but again I admit that I was kind of fascinated by the whole thing. Who behaves like that? As if the other person exists only for them? I finally got my answer. A narcissist!!

    But what is it about the waiting? Does it make them feel important??

    And re doing good in the world: I hate what my narc does for a living. It goes against all of my principles. I guess it goes with the territory. One has to be a narc to do what he does – laser focused on one thing only, no concern for the environment or for the people who inhabit it, no thought to the wider impact or implications. I knew from the beginning that we could never have a real relationship. Our values are completely different. But still, he got me! Bastard!

  32. We are still legally married, I moved out last May. He was diagnosed with a rare blood cancer in November. I was at the hospital with him when he was going through all that. We never should have been married but he’s a very good friend. He still helps to support me financially still and buys me gifts all the time. I’m not moving back to the house ( I live 15 mins away) but I see him weekly. He’s a very nice person and I’ll be there as long and whenever he needs me. I keep saying this but my sociopath is a little different in some ways… the waiting thing. He never did that until we had officially broken up. He used to be on time all the time, I was the one who was always a little late. After we broke but we’re still in each other’s lives he would ask me to meet him and be late or just not show…. no call or text OR I would get a reply to my text saying something like ” I’ll be there in an hour”. An hour?!!! I would get pissed and not wait!!! The past few times he was supposed to come he just didn’t come or call. He blamed it on his job ( police officer). But how does that prevent him from texting to let me know that he couldn’t make it?! Well I’m happy that I don’t have to worry about that anymore. I had a fabulous weekend and I’m still feeling great this morning as I head into work!! No contact since Friday… one day at a time!! Oh and I’m not fooling myself thinking those lonely days or days where I just really miss or want him won’t come. Hopefully I will put him so far behind me that I will be able to shake it off and keep moving. You ladies enjoy your day!!

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