Sociopath and Psychopath word association – Yes it is deliberate. Emotional abuse, it’s impact and how it can keep you stuck.

word-association-001

 

I wouldn’t have thought that ‘words’ just ordinary, every day ‘words’ could created a psychological connection that would have a profound impact to the victim. When I say ‘just words’ I mean regular words. Not ‘you are fat’ or ‘you are a useless man with a small penis’ or ‘you are ugly’. Of course those words are going to be hurtful, and will hurt you. Those words will stick in your psyche and damage your self esteem.

I am talking about regular words. Words that reflect your every day world.

  • Names of your friends and family
  • Places that you like to visit
  • Places that you like to go
  • Activities that you are passionate about
  • Your children, your pets

Practically anything that you have an EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT TO. Anything that you LOVE. Anything that means a lot to you. Anything that you have either a current attachment to, a history with, or are planning to build into your future.

Sit, pause, take that in. Every day words, that you have an emotional attachment to. At first the psycho will feign interest in those people, places, activities, etc and you cannot believe that you have met someone who cares so much about the things that you love and care about.

How lucky could you be?

This is all part of the grooming process and emotional abuse that will last for a long time after the psycho has left your life. YES – this is deliberate. They know exactly what they are doing! 

How does this affect you?

Hearing words repeated over and over, by someone who is abusing you, creates an ‘attachment’ to what you are emotionally associated to.

Not only does it create an attachment, it also creates an additional association memory. If this is repeated over and over, the association memory can be stronger, than your emotional attachment. Or, your emotional attachment, can be

  • Distorted
  • Changed
  • Altered

Possession and control of the memory bank is taken over by the psycho, and this creates a strong attachment and bond that you find difficult to understand.

Altering memory banks and constant thoughts of the socio/psychopath

You might go to a place you once loved, that perhaps you have a lot of previous memory of, yet feel a longing for your ex.

Hearing a word, might cause you a sense of anxiety.

You might avoid places/people and not feel comfortable in those surroundings anymore, but have no understanding why.

You could at the extreme end, experience panic attacks and completely avoid those people/places/experiences.

Result? 

Isolation. Or constant thoughts of your ex.

This post is a follow on from yesterdays post, where we discussed why you felt the constant yearning for your ex. In earlier years, I wrote about addiction and addiction recovery, how this works within the brain. This post takes this further.

Example

I have recently moved home. Lots of people move home all of the time. I don’t however. I had lived in the same side of my city all of my life. I thought I would continue to do so forever. He left in early 2015. I stopped going to places I once went to. I stayed in my house, but even that had memories of him (this would be normal in a break up). 

It wasn’t easy moving to a different side of the city. But I knew that I needed to move away. I spent a long time painting and decorating the new place prior to moving in. Over that time, I needed to return to my old place to pack. After moving, I sometimes I need to return there. When I do, I am surprised how I am bombarded with memories, thoughts, panic, anxiety. Places feel different, than they do in my memory when I am in my new home. 

In my new home there is no memory at all. So much so, that I am often bored, and need to keep myself occupied (hence me writing on this site again). I didn’t quite realise how bad it was, until I moved away. You might think that this is simply PTSD. I understand PTSD, and think it is more than that. As much of the panic – is about regular things that were not traumatic.

It was deliberate, and intentional. To create an attachment to him, and to take over me, my thoughts, my attachments and my emotions. 

Similarities with PTSD

The similarities are

  • Startled response
  • Panic
  • Anxiety
  • Needing to escape
  • Feeling unsafe
  • Questioning your thoughts
  • Flashbacks

What isn’t similar with PTSD

PTSD is related to trauma. Yet, you experience traumatic related responses to ordinary events. So why is this? What is really happening?

The truth is that the sociopath keeps you in a constant state of trauma. Even if things are relatively calm, and good, you await what will happen next, and hope that things do not return to how they once were. You can never really let down your guard. Not once you know the truth. Or not once you have discovered there has been some element of betrayal. It is rare for a victim to leave immediately, as often they need to process what has happened, and it can be so unbelievable, that believing the lie, is easier than accepting the truth.

While you might experience PTSD related symptoms, it isn’t really the same as PTSD. This is what I would call faux PTSD, a deliberate ploy by the Sociopath to keep you attached to them. To keep you living constantly in fear, and anxiety, by playing on your own emotional attachments to what is important to you, in your life.

The result, is that you could find it difficult to return to functioning in your life, as you once did. Nothing feels the same. This is why many people will say, that ‘you will never be the same again’. I do not believe this to be true. You can, and you can heal and recover. You just have to understand how to undo the mind control and emotional abuse that was done to you.

What are your thoughts and experiences? Did you experience similar? Or are you unable to relate to this?

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37 thoughts on “Sociopath and Psychopath word association – Yes it is deliberate. Emotional abuse, it’s impact and how it can keep you stuck.”

  1. I am not sure if i can really relate to this. I do have PTSD from an assault and hostage situation with my ex- common-law husband in 2001-02. The main feature for me was that i had to keep telling the story of what happened to me. I did the same thing with this latest incident with the sociopath – I couldn’t stop talking about it for 2 months – and then i get triggered and start again. Nobody gets it and they just say – move on. In terms of words, he would trigger on certain words I said or related to something I did and use them against me as if they were facts. For example, the first time we met, i told him how my thyroid had gone low, and not knowing what it was, I thought – is it dementia? He later kept saying i have demential – even on-line to strangers. I got checked out – i don’t have dementia. The last time i saw him i was so hurt by his behaviour and betrayal I asked for permission to hit him. I tried – couldn’t really, but gave him a couple of love punches in the gut in bed, and then he hurt me again when he said i was violent. He also said i was manic because i laughed too much one time. He would use words against me that weren’t true in order to hurt me and justify him not wanting to be with me or love me. It still hurts. Normal people don’t act like this. Makes it really hard to let go and he uses this as a reason why we could only be friends – why would i want to be his friend. By the way, i am in my 60’s and have arthritis in my fingers. He is younger and rock-solid fit. I couldn’t hurt him if i tried.

    1. Hi Mary, my heart goes out to you. You have been through so much. I also had severe ptsd when I met him, from events the year before meeting him. I am pleased you are not falling or it about being friends. You need time to heal and recover, and someone who is emotionally abusing you, is only going to damage you further psychologically. It sounds like he met you at a very vulnerable time in your life, when you were already traumatised. This can be typical. They like to target people who need help and support, and feign to offer this to you. Only really they will use this opportunity to take what they can and abuse you.

    2. I like the part about LAUGHED TOO much Mary…I can really RELATE to that…I’ve had these c***ts put me down about that too…esp, in company of others & I’m educated. The COLD way it was said was SO cruel…to me, everyone was laughing in the conversation…& here MY partner, was acting so NASTY. At the time, I knew NOTHING of Narcs or Sociopaths…not realising, how any attention taken away from them, seems a threat…I know different NOW. So, I say LAUGH ur guts out, Mary…& if they don’t like it….F***K, them OFF..out of ur life. These MONSTERS can’t laugh…coz, they don’t feel…& they are damn JEALOUS if U can.

      1. Sooooooo true! He used to laugh about an inch from my face. All of his “humor” was sarcastic or laughing while he put down women. SICK!

  2. This past Sunday was horrible for me. I was in a store and heard a song that we used to listen to on my record player. It never meant anything to him, but now that song haunts me. I isolate. Since we broke up I have lost friends. They didn’t believe me. He ruined my name. I work and come home. I go to therapy and try to take care of myself. I have zero desire after being alone since February to have another relationship. I am no longer attracted to men. When I have to be around a man, I have a tough time. I am ok with all of this. I feel safe being alone. Sometimes I just want someone to talk to and laugh with at night. I have a list of places I will not go. I drive longer routes to avoid memories. I have days when I wish he would show up. I don’t know why. He would belittle me and physically hurt me again. I was called fat everyday. Ive lost 30 pounds from believing him. I don’t eat and have trouble sleeping. How could I want to run into him?

    I’ve made it 6 months! Thank you for this article.

    1. LByourself I stayed single and was unable to be with another man for 2 years after we split. I would panic at the thought of it. How are things going for you with therapy?

      1. Therapy is saving me. I found someone that knows a ton about this abuse. She is amazing. This site was the reason I found a therapist. I’ve read several books that have helped. I have learned to let the bad and depressing thoughts pass over me. I let myself cry and I get up and go do something. For some reason, I believe in myself. I’m so alone but I know good things are coming. I truly loved him. I would have done anything for him. It still hurts.

      2. I am pleased you have found a good therapist who helps you and understands. What books did you find useful? I am thinking of putting a page up of recommended books.

      3. Becoming the Narccisist’s Nightmare really helped me start to let go of my anger and move forward. I have started to accept that this was not a relationship and that he never loved me. If I could get relief with ptsd, I would feel better. It’s the worst part for me. The anxiety attacks really mess me up.

      4. EMDR can be useful for PTSD. Also some people have found CBT to be useful for PTSD. Personally I have had to do a lot of my own work. A bit like occupational therapy that people do on the body after a car crash, but therapy for the mind. I could write a lot more on this topic, or run another blog alongside this one on this subject. I know that a lot of victims do have PTSD also.

    2. OH yeah, I know that one…they STEAL ur music choices…ready for their next VICTIM…don’t take it to HT….shows they have NO life, or taste of their own…they’ll NEVER be able to play that music how U heard it…rest assured, u’r better than that. Flick them off…they’re imbiciles.

  3. Although I know where you were going with this, the opening didn’t make complete sense to me.

    They find your passions and emotional triggers because you trust and open up. At first you think it brings you closer later used to emotionally control you and you don’t know it’s happening. When you tell them how you feel or why you hurt they then have more emotional content to play with. If you are dealing with one best to stop showing or talking about your vulnerabilies.

    1. While I understand what you are saying heartfelt. This is not about how they get the information, or why, it is the impact and why the person struggles to move forward. And why they can be isolated. I will read the post again, if the first part does not make sense. Thank you.

      1. She’s right…the start of ur post was confusing….when I made a copy…I had to add words for myself to explain it…as I know what U were trying to say. It’s NOT words that trigger U off….it IS PLACES & names of things…even MUSIC we played in their company, they never heard before…then, they just DUMP U & took it for their own. Basically, they hijacked ur life…then told U, U were SHIT.
        U stand bewildered & confused…until U work out they were NEVER seeking a relationship…they were just playing u. They CAN’T have a relationship…coz, they DON’T CARE at the core of their soul….& NEVER will. They just play…like juveniles as they’ve always have been, since school. And their ‘ so-called’ honesty about wanting a relationship is also just juvenile GAMES.
        So, if an older LONELY-looking NICE man is still sgl. for yrs…..yet seeming very keen to chase women…I think U need to think HARD why that is.

    2. I’ve only made copies of ur words positivagirl for my DIARY…to remind me…I’m NOT alone in my hurt thru deception & jokery – I experienced. And the more words I can gather to make sense of EVIL uncaring minds…makes me stronger & back at PEACE with myself…so
      I can get back to hopefully trust the right ppl, as I use to.
      I’ve only made copies of ur work positvagirl…to remind me…I’m NOT alone & that my mind of confusion by some crazy ppl’s behaviour CAN make sense…if U just KNEW what U were dealing with. I knew MYSELF, I knew my HEART…so, I couldn’t u/stand things.
      Sociopathy Awareness only came to me at start of 2015…& amazingly…it ALL fell into place with certain difficult ppl…& I mean EVERYTHING! Ppl can experience ENVY (for the silliest things) where it can chew at the core of their soul. Where I thought ppl had to have grown up (like me)….only to finally realise…they NEVER did…& so…it ALL made sense.
      It’s had me realise TRUST my gut when I sense things are NOT right here…STOP the benefits of doubt, or possible excuses…when I KNOW I wouldn’t do the same myself. Keep asking urself: Is this person BEHAVING like they are really into me, despite what they say? And the answer was simple: NO!!!!!!
      Not the answer I wanted to hear – esp when I was SO nice…but still, the answer that came.

  4. I feel as if he has tainted everything in my life. I shared my home with my X-husband for 11 years and I rarely think of him. But, the MONSTER, did not even live with me during our 3 on-and-off years together, and yet every room, every piece of furniture, every article of clothing, books on shelves, DVD’s, songs, everything in my house (including the hot tub where he brought a hooker and performed for my surveillance cameras just to hurt me while I was out of town) – reminds me of him. When I broke up with him the first time, he took various hookers to my favorite local hotels, favorite restaurants, favorite casino resorts, and even Maui, where I had gone on my honeymoon with my X-husband and checked in with them on Facebook just to torment me. My friends don’t understand why everything is a trigger and say things like, “You say that about EVERYTHING. Everything reminds you of him. You’re just being ridiculous.” I have destroyed and discarded so many things that were once sentimental to me, because they became such a torment, once I had been “discarded”. Every time I broke up, he BEGGED me to forgive him and take him back and promised NEVER again. This time, he didn’t come back and I feel as if I have slipped off the edge of a black, bottomless cavern, into an eternal free fall, aching to finally reach the bottom and shatter into a million pieces, so that I (and the pain), will cease to exist.

    1. I am so sorry you are hurting so badly devoid. I guess the split with the husband of 11 years was normal, and the relationship non abusive? How long ago did you split with the monster?

      1. It is still very raw and very early days devoid. While there is silence and peace, you are healing. Can you try to do one thing, every single day that makes you smile?

    2. THEN don’t fall off the edge…if U KNOW U were kind…these MONSTERS HATE kindness…they are COLD, CALCULATED & EVIL…so RUN! Even where they could have benefited….they’re NUTS. Like me, U possibly couldn’t imagine a grown adult could ACT in such a way…well, U know different now. The bully in the schoolyard….grew up to be a BULLY ALL his life….even, if educated…& I can tell U…not all educated ppl think like this NUT JOB. Take care…U are NOT imagining it…it’s REAL…we ALL know what U had been thru….amazingly, the SAME.

  5. May be out in left field. My experience, 40 yrs, is to read these people and
    whatever they say the reality is 180 degrees in the other direction. Kind of
    like pulling up to a four way stop in your car. Your X is on your 3 o’clock and motions for you to go ahead and then when you go X whams you on the right side. And, they do it every time. Not normal. PTSD, you betcha. These people are death. Read these people for what they have done to you. “Warning! Danger!”
    My X? Have no reason to know anything about her. What does filter back
    are comments such as: ” manipulative bitch and we have to tiptoe around her.”
    They get found out. It happens. Still, they stalk and await opportunity. It is
    their, for the sake of a better word, hobby.

  6. Thanks for your feedback. It is so true. You are so right. It’s a day to day thing – i am up and down, but basicly really doing well on my own. Thanks so much for this site and all your feedback. It is so helpful!

  7. It’s only two days that i discovered the ugly truth about my ex, from this site particularly. But i found it very hard to accept. i don’t know if it’s better not knowing at all and only have the illusion that was a bad relationship. It’s really difficult to deal with the realization that the person you are in love with DOESN’T EXIST at all. It was a fake personality built very carefully thanks to the information I PROVIDED to him. It’s impossible not to blame myself too. I could have seen the signs, there were many but unfortunately they are not the signs that you have learned in your life to see in dishonest people. They are different. The signs are confusing, contradictory. Because this people have NO PERSONALITY at all but they mimic attitudes based on the situation. Whatever they do has a final purpose. NOTHING IS JUST FOR YOU even if in the beginning may seem so. For me it was a totally new situation and i had never experienced before something like that. I feel that i built this relationship. What an ILLUSION! And I’ll explain why: I put a REALLY BIG EFFORT to make things work. And that’s only because he was really willing to change attitudes that i didn’t like on him. And after long conversations that we were continuously having (that used to exhaust me) he was -actually very quickly -changing. The day after. That was feeling odd but at the same time i couldn’t complain because now i had what i wanted ,we were fine……..until the next “conversation”. It was lunatic and really really exhausting. SO NOW I REALIZE with all this effort, with all this emotional and physical energy with all that willing i wasn’t building the relationship I WAS BUILDING HIM!!! And that i find the most difficult part of this story to let it go. I have been deceived? It doesn’t help to feel like that, it hurts even more.

  8. My soc/ex did this to me in a slightly different way. I thought it was a ploy, and when i talked to Nikki, she explained it to me and it was like a light bulb went off in my head. They use word association to STAY IN YOUR HEAD. To KEEP THEM IN YOUR MIND.

    I worked with mine. Long story short, it was one of the discards. He wasn’t speaking to me, but was talking to another woman we work with all the time to make me jealous. (Throw in some triangulation for good measure!)

    Our office is very quiet and I was stunned in my tracks by some of the conversations he was having with her.

    He and I talked about very specific things. We were both into a specific genre of film that not many people were into. (Nothing dirty) but one day (as he was giving me silent treatment) I heard him have a very pointed conversation with the other woman about a movie he had recently seen. She was not into the movie, or the conversation. But he kept talking AT her about this movie. It was a movie we had both been excited about when it was coming out.

    I remembered thinking, that’s a conversation he WANTS to have with me. That’s OUR movie genre. I was hurt that he was having THAT conversation with her. She wasn’t even pretending to be polite. She kept telling him, “I really have no opinion about that. It’s never been my thing.”

    Now I look back and see clearly: He didn’t WANT to have that conversation with me. If he wanted to, he would have. He had that conversation with her about something very specific to us so that I would hear it, be hurt by it, and he would stay in/on my mind. Just because he was giving me the silent treatment didn’t mean he wanted me to forget about him.

    Another example? We were both into food and cooking. I had been excited about a specialty store that was opening in our area. Again, during the silent treatment, I must have heard him have 4 or 5 conversations with people about how he had gone to that store and was really excited about it.

    These were people who didn’t cook and didn’t care about the specialty store opening. At the time? I thought, he’s DOING this on purpose. He HAS to be.

    And he was…………

    1. Yep, seems u’r starting to see the signs of juvenile delinquency thinking – & what I’ve noted – it comes across like a ‘sour grape’ attitude when U still don’t know where U stand with them, coz they won’t talk about it, yet try make it clear u’ve done something wrong by them…time to back away…U are not dealing with a healthy adult. In fact, despite appearances & adult sounding voices….u are NOT dealing with an adult, at all – u’r dealing with a juvenile JOKER. It’s why it’s called a personality DISORDER…perpetually stuck in the juvenile yrs – seeking to stir up ppl’s emotions & create unnecessary drama…so, they can get the attention they seek in their BORING lil lives – it’s all they know.
      If it starts out fun & friendly, yet quickly becomes confusing & frustrating without making any progress…I can guarantee…U are dealing with one.

    2. Just u/stand these crazy ppl (altho NOT insane) look at others as their PLAY toys…they’ll pick U up with enthusiasm & throw U away without care…it is NOT a relationship that needs to happen! Hold ur ground, don’t react, be polite & walk away…& tell urself…I just DODGED a bullet! GOOD on ME!!!!!
      Take care…U are ALLOWED to be ur BEST protection! TRUST ur gut – U are ALLOWED to DO so & NOT let anyone try tell U otherwise!

      1. It’s been 7 months since I broke up with him and I am doing much better now. Being in a relationship with a narcissist was a terribly painful experience and I hope I will never make that mistake again..

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