I wouldn’t have thought that ‘words’ just ordinary, every day ‘words’ could created a psychological connection that would have a profound impact to the victim. When I say ‘just words’ I mean regular words. Not ‘you are fat’ or ‘you are a useless man with a small penis’ or ‘you are ugly’. Of course those words are going to be hurtful, and will hurt you. Those words will stick in your psyche and damage your self esteem.
I am talking about regular words. Words that reflect your every day world.
- Names of your friends and family
- Places that you like to visit
- Places that you like to go
- Activities that you are passionate about
- Your children, your pets
Practically anything that you have an EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT TO. Anything that you LOVE. Anything that means a lot to you. Anything that you have either a current attachment to, a history with, or are planning to build into your future.
Sit, pause, take that in. Every day words, that you have an emotional attachment to. At first the psycho will feign interest in those people, places, activities, etc and you cannot believe that you have met someone who cares so much about the things that you love and care about.
How lucky could you be?
This is all part of the grooming process and emotional abuse that will last for a long time after the psycho has left your life. YES – this is deliberate. They know exactly what they are doing!
How does this affect you?
Hearing words repeated over and over, by someone who is abusing you, creates an ‘attachment’ to what you are emotionally associated to.
Not only does it create an attachment, it also creates an additional association memory. If this is repeated over and over, the association memory can be stronger, than your emotional attachment. Or, your emotional attachment, can be
Possession and control of the memory bank is taken over by the psycho, and this creates a strong attachment and bond that you find difficult to understand.
Altering memory banks and constant thoughts of the socio/psychopath
You might go to a place you once loved, that perhaps you have a lot of previous memory of, yet feel a longing for your ex.
Hearing a word, might cause you a sense of anxiety.
You might avoid places/people and not feel comfortable in those surroundings anymore, but have no understanding why.
You could at the extreme end, experience panic attacks and completely avoid those people/places/experiences.
Isolation. Or constant thoughts of your ex.
This post is a follow on from yesterdays post, where we discussed why you felt the constant yearning for your ex. In earlier years, I wrote about addiction and addiction recovery, how this works within the brain. This post takes this further.
I have recently moved home. Lots of people move home all of the time. I don’t however. I had lived in the same side of my city all of my life. I thought I would continue to do so forever. He left in early 2015. I stopped going to places I once went to. I stayed in my house, but even that had memories of him (this would be normal in a break up).
It wasn’t easy moving to a different side of the city. But I knew that I needed to move away. I spent a long time painting and decorating the new place prior to moving in. Over that time, I needed to return to my old place to pack. After moving, I sometimes I need to return there. When I do, I am surprised how I am bombarded with memories, thoughts, panic, anxiety. Places feel different, than they do in my memory when I am in my new home.
In my new home there is no memory at all. So much so, that I am often bored, and need to keep myself occupied (hence me writing on this site again). I didn’t quite realise how bad it was, until I moved away. You might think that this is simply PTSD. I understand PTSD, and think it is more than that. As much of the panic – is about regular things that were not traumatic.
It was deliberate, and intentional. To create an attachment to him, and to take over me, my thoughts, my attachments and my emotions.
Similarities with PTSD
The similarities are
- Startled response
- Needing to escape
- Feeling unsafe
- Questioning your thoughts
What isn’t similar with PTSD
PTSD is related to trauma. Yet, you experience traumatic related responses to ordinary events. So why is this? What is really happening?
The truth is that the sociopath keeps you in a constant state of trauma. Even if things are relatively calm, and good, you await what will happen next, and hope that things do not return to how they once were. You can never really let down your guard. Not once you know the truth. Or not once you have discovered there has been some element of betrayal. It is rare for a victim to leave immediately, as often they need to process what has happened, and it can be so unbelievable, that believing the lie, is easier than accepting the truth.
While you might experience PTSD related symptoms, it isn’t really the same as PTSD. This is what I would call faux PTSD, a deliberate ploy by the Sociopath to keep you attached to them. To keep you living constantly in fear, and anxiety, by playing on your own emotional attachments to what is important to you, in your life.
The result, is that you could find it difficult to return to functioning in your life, as you once did. Nothing feels the same. This is why many people will say, that ‘you will never be the same again’. I do not believe this to be true. You can, and you can heal and recover. You just have to understand how to undo the mind control and emotional abuse that was done to you.
What are your thoughts and experiences? Did you experience similar? Or are you unable to relate to this?
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