If you have found my website and are reading, I am assuming that perhaps you are in pain. Either you are trying to understand what has happened to you, are feeling bad about yourself, and also a sense of sadness, that the perfection that was sold to you, was in fact a lie.
Is your heart hurting? Are you thinking about the good times? Are you reminiscing in your head, and thinking about what could have been?
If you are not, then perhaps this post is not for you.
If you are, then read on.
First of all, the first thing that I want to tell you is that the person that you are feeling sad over is about as real as….
You know those thoughts that are going through your mind? You are doing a re-run in your head of the illusion that was sold to you. The lie. When you get the picture of him in your head. I want you to transfer this picture to this:
No! I am not saying that YOU are a joke. You are the normal one here remember? In your mind you have the thoughts of:
These were the dreams that you were sold. These were the promises that you were given. It meant nothing. But it isn’t you.
You are the one who was real. You are the one who gave everything, with all of your heart. You were the one who shared your life, your home, your finances. You were the one who was putting in real actions to fulfil your dreams.
But in reality – whilst you thought you were getting this:
What you were actually getting was this:
Oh, and if you are still stuck on the ‘flowers and heart stuff’…. lets not forget this too…
Can you really forget those words that were said? The lies that were told to you? The control?
Remember also the …
Am I getting through to you yet? Or are you still stuck at ….???? This picture is the LIE!! This is what you were sold, this is the lie that you were sold…. and this picture in your head will hold you back!!
If you are stuck with that picture in your head….. remember….
Are you smiling yet? I hope so. This was the poem that helped me the most. I read this over and over. And it is really true.
Everything that comes out your mouth is hot and black like treacle,
Never once have you said anything other than anything deceitful.
You’re poisonous and toxic, dangerous and deceptive,
Consuming all around you and so relentlessly receptive.
Swallowing each indiscretion and choking on your fumes,
While all around you are but pawns for your own use.
Stained with the vague idea that you are a ‘person’
In reality I watch as your psychosis gradually worsen.
The only thing I know for sure; your gender and your name,
Behind closed doors and cold surfaces I watch you shift the blame.
The feelings that you say you feel are all just a charade,
Never once have you been genuine, never let down your guard.
But I’m the one whose laughing now, I’m the one that’s real,
I have the ability to love and to care, the ability to feel.
You’ll never be more than a shadow, a watery reflection in the mirror,
And by default I am everything you’re not; I’ll always be the winner.