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Why do Sociopaths want to stay friends?

I had a question to the site today, asking ‘why does the Sociopath want to stay friends with me?’

Make friends, make friends, never never break friends…..

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Maybe you have broken up with the Sociopath. Perhaps they left you, or you could take no more of their (deliberate) behaviour and you broke up with them.

Then you get the call or message that they

Are concerned about you, and would like to be friends. After all, you have been through so much together. Can we  not just be friends? They miss you….They just want to know that ‘you are ok?’ ….

It sounds harmless enough, right?

Sociopaths have no intentions of being just friends with you!

You need to understand this. If a Sociopath is saying that he or she wants to be friends with you, this means:

  • They are not done with you yet, they are trying to rebuild your trust
  • They do not want YOU to be with someone else (usually this again means they are not done with you yet)
  • They think that there is something more that they can take from you
  • They use the ‘friends’ ruse, so that you will not report them to anybody else, or they can use you (as the friendship decoy)
  • They are using you to make themselves look more trustworthy to somebody else
  • Or they are using you to play victim, making you look like the crazy stalker who won’t leave them alone (thus increasing their desirability to somebody else)

They might just know that they have pushed it too far with you, so they back off. Keeping you as a friend, keeps you in the loop and under their radar. In this scenario, the Sociopath figures that if they lie low for a while, you will get over your emotions, and be fine later. Then he comes back into your life with a sudden drama, to divert your attention from earlier actions and behaviour.

Sometimes they keep you as a friend for a while, after they have drained you, to give you some time to rebuild your finances, or resources. Maybe you are waiting for an inheritance, or something else of value, but this will not come until a later date? They won’t want to waste their time being nice to you, when their reward will not come until later. Instead, they keep you on hold until you payday comes. Magically they later show up for the final last round, being the perfect person to lure you in, build your trust, so that they can drain you some more.

Remember that they are pathological liars? They will lie and make out that you know exactly what they are doing with their lives. They feed you the illusion of their life (friends share remember?) but you won’t really know anything about what is really going on with them. This makes the sociopath feel powerful and in control. They have knowledge, power and control over your life but you will have none over theirs.

You cannot be friends with a sociopath

Seriously. Really, you CANNOT be friends with them. Any kind of communication at all, will pull you down, and take more from you than you have already lost. It might seem to you like a safe bet to ‘just be friends’. After all, you are no longer involved, how can they damage you? You need to understand that Sociopaths do not do anything for anybody else’s benefit, but their own. Everything is a manipulative game, that comes with an agenda.

The last person that you need around you, when you are trying to heal and repair is the person who damaged you!

When a sociopath is ready to move on. They burn bridges. If they are hanging around, feigning friendship, this simply means

THAT THEY ARE NOT DONE WITH YOU YET!!

The outcome if you try to be friends with a Sociopath

Sociopaths have two types of people in their lives

  1. Accomplices
  2. Victims

Even their own mother is either an accomplice or a victim. If you try to be friends with them, this is a false friendship, and it will only bring further pain and losses in your life, if  not right now, at a later date (when you discover the truth).

You see, the sociopath will use your ‘fake‘ friendship, to prove to others, that they are ‘not that bad‘, and to another partner, they will use you to make them appear more desirable, building a sense of jealousy (they enjoy making people jealous as this is one emotion that they DO understand).

Sociopaths care about nobody but themselves, and do not experience guilt, remorse or shame for their actions either.

I am unsure if I have made it clear enough, but you cannot be friends with a Sociopath. If they are trying to be friends with you, they have an agenda. There is something they want, or they plan to use you for triangulation purposes, to make themselves look better with someone else.

They do not want you to be friends with them, not once they have moved on. Any contact that you have with them, they use to their advantage, telling others that you are crazy, and you haven’t moved on. That you are trying to be friends with them, but they just feel sorry for you. This could be despite you have made no contact with them at all, and on the other end, they are begging and pleading with you, to be friends with them. They are two faced snakes, and would always stab you in the back if it made them look better. If the sociopath is using you for triangulation purposes with someone else, they are duping TWO or more people, this gives a greater sense of joy, oh it almost becomes addictive for them.

The truth is that they cannot change. They are hardwired this way. They will always be the same. They won’t change and treat you better because you are their ‘friend’. Sociopaths don’t have friends, remember? How many of their long term friends did you actually meet?

If you didn’t get the message – NO you can’t be friends. Friendship with a sociopath does not exist, they only have accomplices or victims. Which were you planning to be?

See the truth. Set yourself free.

Be better not bitter.

Did you try to be friends with the Sociopath? What was the outcome ?

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All rights reserved Copyright datingasociopath.com 2016 – Author Nikki Gillett

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