You will never be allowed to have your own life being with a sociopath. The sociopath is always in your life, you are never in theirs.
They lurk in the shadows of darkness, constantly monitoring every area of your life. Keeping tabs on what you do and who you speak to.
The sociopath has a need and a desire for control, that is beyond what is ‘normal’. Their need and desire for control, can create mayhem, cause trouble, turn your world upside down. While you are left with your world spinning on an axis with your head stuck in the cloud of confusion, the pull in your stomach, and your head whirring with
What the hell just happened?
Trying to rationalise ‘what just happened‘ when you are trying to figure out a sociopath, is a time wasting exercise. They will never give you the answers. It might appear that they do this deliberately, creating mayhem in your life. The truth is, that if they feel that they do not have 100% total control over you and your life, they lose control of themselves.
Have you ever witnessed the narcissistic rage? Often it would appear (to you) that it was over nothing. But it wasn’t over nothing in the sociopaths mind. When they lose control of you, they can lose control of all rational sense. When they lose (real or perceived) control, they will lose control of themselves and you will witness a full blown narcissistic rage.
This is an odd concept, considering that they are capable of using both parts of their brain at the same time. They are able to think fast, strategically analyse a situation. But when they feel that they are losing control of YOU, (and they don’t want this), they will always lose control of themselves. It is odd, as at other times in their life, they are always striving to be just that, ‘in control’. Losing control of you, they lose control of themselves, and then things really spin out of control, as now they feel that they have lost control of both you and themselves – without control. There is nothing.
Keeping control, is the fabric of the sociopaths life. The thread that ties them together. They always need to be in control. They might appear chilled out, fun, upbeat, charismatic and charming. But this is always behind the mask of the desire to control. Always they are pulling the strings, and you (whether you know of it or not) are the puppet on a string, and they are the puppet master.
You will watch the colour drain from their faces, they rant and rage, there can even be violence where they physically restrain you. Nothing makes a sociopath crazier than losing control of something that they think they own ‘their partner’, which causes them to lose control of themselves.
Sociopaths see partners as possessions
Sociopaths see their partners as possessions, they are not people in their own right, with their own views, and their own rights to have independence. They cannot understand how somebody could possibly want to be ‘independent’ and still be with them. This to them, is an alien concept.
The sociopath see’s you as THEIRS. Literally THEIRS. Something that they OWN.They see what is yours, as theirs (and what is theirs is theirs). This sense of ownership explains a lot. It explains why sociopaths can steal from you at the end of the relationship (and often during the relationship too). They take, because they think that it is theirs to take. After all, you belong to them.
The same concept is apparent with JEALOUSY. All sociopaths suffer from jealousy. There is real and fake jealousy (see also the post https://datingasociopath.com/sociopath-character-traits/sociopathic-need-for-control/real-and-fake-jealousy/ )
Sociopaths have an irrational sense of ownership, control, dominance and of course this includes jealousy. Sociopaths don’t spend all of their time with you, because they just love you. They do because they own you, and woe betide anyone else who they perceive is trying to stake a claim on THEIR PROPERTY.
Sociopaths will do anything to remove a competitor, and will do almost anything to ensure that no other competitor comes close to you, or to be a real or perceived threat. They:
- Isolate you from others
- Like to play centre stage and centre role
- Come across as ‘caring’ when really this is ‘controlling’
- Make you feel like you are incapable
- ‘Mark’ you – this means being with you as much time as they possibly can (the most effective way to stop your mind wandering to anyone else.
Due to this – sociopaths always makes EVERYTHING GOOD – ultimately BAD
Sociopaths cannot tolerate things going well, or your life being good, calm and happy. When things are good, you as a prized good, become more prized, and therefore (in their mind) more likely to be lost or stolen, so the control escalates.
To you, the victim, it makes no sense, why? When things are going so well, why do they turn things upside down? They do this, because when things are going well, your value increases, and the biggest fear of all kicks in –
- Fear of losing control
- Fear of losing
They do not fear very much. But they do fear losing control. While they are able to mould you, to shape you, to mirror you to be an identical copy of you -if you were to leave, they would need to find another source. Or they would feel very empty indeed. Sociopaths rarely leave relationships, unless they have already sourced another supply to go to.
Compartmentalising
To keep control, sociopaths compartmentalise everything and everyone. What this means is that they try to have full control over your life. While keeping their own life private and secret. They keep people apart from each other. They are allowed to have seperate relationationships, but they do not like you to.
How many new people and new friends did you make while in a relationship with a sociopath? You might have had old friends, but new friends are always viewed with suspicion from the sociopath. Either:
- The new person is a threat (they might take you away, or point out their weaknesses)
- The new person would take up your time, and thus sociopath control over you would reduce.
Nothing makes the sociopath crazier, than losing control over you – which will lead them to lose control over themselves. Even the most mild of sociopaths, will become crazy when they think that they are losing control over you.
They see you as a possession, someone they own, a good that is theirs. They OWN you.
Sociopaths will do (unless they have a new source) almost anything to retain control, and to retain ownership of YOU.
If you back down…. the cycle will repeat, over and over. Until you have had enough and walk away, for good.
Copyright datingasociopath.com 2014
Dating a Sociopath 
Reading the posts always help, it all makes sense but why can’t these bastards been punished?? He still controls because I live day in and day out asking myself how he’s caused so much devastation in my life, especially when I have a day like today, low and feel he’s taken so much from me what is the point of living?? All my waking hours what he’s done haunts me and hurts like hell! I’ll get a txt 4-6 weeks apart, as much as he isn’t in my life anymore he’s still in control of it! He’s moved on to his next victim and although I unfolded him as a sociopath, they just go on and on getting away with the devastation! I want revenge, I need revenge, I need to sleep at night..
J
Julie ,
Its taken me nearly 13 months to get a decent nights sleep after my horrific experience with one of these things .
I never thought in a million years I would get out of the hole , it was too deep . I contemplated suicide probably 6 or 7 times , I simply could not see things improving . I promise you somehow it does , just fight it with everything you have 🙏
Nick 👍
Thank you for this.. I am 2 yrs out with my 3 yr old and no contact order in place. I feel like I might not ever see the end of my internal suffering. I have started accupuncture and therapies in hopes of relief. There is no pill in this work that will take a way the wounds left open by this monster that I thought was a prince and I truly loved him. Truly loving him is the hardest thing to let go and understand in myself. I am thankful for the posts like this one and thankful I am still alive with a small pin head of hope left.
Namaste… Friends….
SURVIVORS
Hi Julie.
I think you read my mind except that in my case he just is gone (which is good even though I’m still upset and feel really down, especially today)(about a month and a week gone) I hate that I still think about him (exercise helps) At least I am doing something for me.
Except also I feel so messed up and I wish he wasn’t the way is he (which I could kick myself for). I still remember in the beginning I was not swayed and he kept working on me as soon as I gave him all the compliments and support and started seeing him he became even more asshole with his comments (when everything seemed to be calm and we were supposedly getting along, he started up) . Now he is off with someone else doing his scummy thing. I want to get revenge too! I wish I could get a list of names of these people (male and female, cause a scum is a scum) and have it on a list for all of us. That way they cant just slither away and continue under cover 😐 But I know how you feel.
Besides which whomever his latest victim is , its only a matter of time until she or he finds out and he has to live with his fake, lying self :(yuk
The one I was with had found me and harassed me for almost 5 years. Bit he knows I know what he is. I don’t bow down. Now he is asking for help and has started looking for medical assistance. You have to remember they are humans, and they do not have what we have. They are missing parts. We are capable of a real life, they are not and it is really sad.
Julie YOU are the point of living!! Just as you were before you met him. (Sometimes to go forwards you need to go back to where you were before you met him to reconnect to the old you). You say he still texts you, can you block him? Or put a blocker on your phone. You could read them If you want but choose not to. Revenge you know the best revenge is to live well. You can do this. To heal and to grow you have to let go and start no contact.
Yes, the best way is to search the past: what did you like to do, books you read, places you visited, friends you had or movies you liked. If you go back to these things you will find yourself again and that is the reason live.
Also you have to isolate from the person, block contacts and avoid anything he uses to contact you, like text, letters or facebook. All of this is he trying to drag you back.
I know, it’s unfair, unjust, and so infuriating, especially if there are people around that still think he’s a great guy. If I may suggest the best revenge? Change your phone numbers, or block him in any and all ways possible, take his “toy” away from him (you) and the control he has over you. I bet you wait for those texts…dreading it, knowing it’s coming, and then when he does text you there’s full on rage and anger? No contact is the best revenge, it might not make you feel better right away, but it is guaranteed to let him know he has “lost” the game.
Oops! I didn’t see PG’s awesome response before I hit “enter”. “What she said!”
Thanks to everyone for their support and kind words, everything helps..
x
I have been working with someone for 4 years now so he will leave other women alone. I am waiting for the right time to leave.He tried to contact other family members & this is something you need to be aware of.They could drag you back into the relationship.Please shut all ties & dont tell anyone that does not understand where you are going because it could be a way through them to get you back.You are their life.It is very sad.Because they dont know how to do anything else.They fail @ work because they cannot control other people collectively. The sociopath wants to do what he wants 24/7. He does not like it when other people give him restrictions.
They will respect the law, maybe.
God bless all involved.If I hadnt agreed to take this assignment I would never had understood how someone could be treated.
The people they pick are kind,caring individuals which they think are weak.Which we are not.
I’m over one right now. I manipulated her into thinking I still care about her and she’s my world,that I need her, I started off by when she started insulting me I acted enraged and sent her hateful hardcore texts,then later texted that I was so wrong and ashamed,said I loved her, and now she’s not calling or texting thinking I’m at home crying over her. She’s probably thinking what big gift or present will she get if she”graces” me with her presence, I’ve met somebody else and if I keep it up whenever she sees me I won’t have to see her, GENIUS!
Which one of you is the sociopath?
Julie,
You will get beyond this. I promise. I have blocked him in ALL ways. He has also moved on to his next victim but she is in denial still despite those that I guess have told her of his ways. I have to hold tightly to the fact that revenge will not fix me. I too wanted this REVENGE you speak of. It is a natural response for us to want to hurt those who have hurt us or make them pay for their crimes so to speak. This will only cause you grief as it has caused me. Block the number. Do not respond. Block his Facebook. His Twitter. His e-mails, his phone numbers EVERYTHING. Move on. Let go or be dragged. You have heard it ALL I am CERTAIN of it… because I had heard it all. But this one…this one rings the most true for me. “Holding on to anger is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die.” -Buddha. Most days I have to repeat this to myself in order to function and not look in the mirror and say “Ugh, of COURSE he moved on to a leggy blond runner… Look at me… He always pointed out everything that was wrong with me…. and that I was just his ‘placeholder’… Of course…isn’t it obvious??” Unreal! THAT IS THE BRAINWASH. Let it go, my friend. Karma will find him someday and even when she does find him… it won’t be what helps you sleep at night… the inner peace from moving on and letting go of the insatiable desire for revenge will be what allows you to sleep.
-Alyssa
Amen, Alyssa. That Buddha quote has helped me too. Also to see this as a lesson I needed to learn. What was it inside me that let me allow someone to treat me that way? That needed to be healed before I could move on to healthier living. I got sent the perfect person to point it out 😉
Hi Alyssa
Thanks for your reply. Yeah revenge is sweet but doesn’t make me a better person I know, it just helps. I received a txt late last night telling me he was thinking of me, yes right of course he is when he’s probably out with his latest victim…. I didn’t reply which is my calmer and I feel power not doing so, why should I give him the satisfaction of changing my number, or the inconvenience is causes me. He knows where I work too, my eye’s are always in the back of my head, I just wish there was a web site that these people could be named and shamed.
J
Thank you! Thank you!! Its a real struggle to wake up everyday and fight the same demons since I went no contact with what I call “IT” . It almost killed me literally. My immune system almost gave up on me!! I appreciate your post! It helped me .. Tha nk you!!
Am pleased it helped you Stephanie. Are you free now?
J-
These blogs are a lifesaver because it’s only here I can find reliable , relevant substantial ( heart earned ), INFORMATION– from INSPIRATIONAL AND BRAVE resources. May you find peace greater today than yesterday.
K
my neighbor is a narcisstic vandal..he has been on my property..destroying my
landscaping for 8 months..I just now signed witness statements….I assume he will
be arrested …takes time…I have sold my home and I am moving dec31,2015
he is 48 yrs old going on 14..I know his mother she is so crazy!!!!!!! Wife
teaches 7th grade has a masters degree…she don’t even care
Its has been almost 4yrs for me, and I promise..things will get better. I lost absolutely everything! My home, job, personal belongings, bank account.. and then the car I had been sleeping in before I finally went to a shelter for battered woman. I stayed 90 days… and they saved my life. Today.. I actually have a new pair of shoes in my closet 🙂 Life has changed, and I’m not the same person I used to be, but in some ways better after his hand. Education is key. Learn everything you can, and in doing so, you will find recovery 🙂 I can say, I am the happiest I have been in my life, now..I have changed, yes,..but found an enlightenment in this as well 🙂 READ! Educate yourself, and in it, you will find relief….
Oh, and ..almost 4yrs later..he never stops trying to come back, and this one, he never will.
Lol…. like a bad penny, they always turn back up, right Jane? They don’t go away, not if they have formed as real a connection to you, as they are capable of. They might trot off into the sunset to pastures new, but it will only be a matter of time before you get the ‘hey, how are you?’ text.
God help you if you have children with one. take your babies and run as far as you can and dont look back. he will destroy them to “control” you long after the divorce. no one is allowed to b happy. run.
Thats my problem now I have 5
And its so hard. My kids don’t understand at all but I cant go back it was pure he’ll
You must let go completely. No communication is 99% effective. Be incognito. Block him. Move away and never look back. They cannot control you if you don’t let them. Trust me, I’m not kidding. They hate themselves, they have low self esteem, are insecure, and are pitiful and have no confidence at all. Stand up tall, be brave, be confident and let go. Forgive and forget and never look back, lest you hurt yourself doing so.
Dr. B.
I have had to do this from my twin sisters I know looking back and can see how blind I was to all that they were doing when they knew that I knew what they were capable of terrified is an understatement it has been hard but I can sleep at night i now know no matter how hard it is I have done the right thing and will not ever let them in again the feeling of peace once you get over the shock is brilliant look after yourself
Don’t respond when you do receive his texts.
Slowly redesign your life. It helped me to move all of the furniture around in every room of my home. I even got rid of old possessions and bought a few replacements. It took over a year for me to get to that point and unfortunately we still talked every day. He still makes a point to call to wake me up for work every morning and to say goodnight every single night. He calls and texts throughout the day every day…but I can see him now for who he actually is.
You will get better and will be just fine. Take your time and surround yourself with positive people.
Sorry I saw this post very late.hope u r doing well in ur life but if u still want revenge I would only suggest u to concentrate on ur life,live happy and try to achieve success more than him.he will die seeing u living happily.that will be ur revenge.sorry for any grammatical error I m not that good in English.
Awesome posting. I recently experienced what you wrote- when a narcissist feels they are losing control of you, they begin to lose control of themselves. I need to remember this point when I am standing there dumbfounded that things escalated so quickly.
Yes it’s true. Thank you Kimberly. How are you doing?
Never in my life have a seen such rage as when I met a narc/sociopath. It is true! When they have no control over the person they are involved with they go into complete meltdown, rages and uncontrollable fits. It’s amazing to watch. My narc/sociopath can’t control me and I am not afraid of his rage. He is such a nasty, mean, manipulative person. I knew from the beginning he was a womanizer and he “wanted me SO bad”. Something in my gut/spirit knew all about him and who he really is. Later, I played the “game” with him. Yes, I got hurt and he is totally f’ed up around me. I guess my narcissistic rage came out because of his sociopathic ways. Now, he has a new victim. Reading all of this is so unbelievable.
Yes this a tough one cashaw30, and one of the most difficult part of the dance with the sociopath. As when this happens, anything is possible they become a total liability and can go on ruining campaigns to destroy you.
I’ve read this, too. Losing control of you leads to losing control of themselves. I believe it. I’ve always had my own income and home, yet mine demanded full control or nothing at all. Well, this is the real world and I have other obligations(including a sick mother and a property to manage), but gave him most of my undivided attention. Of all things, my fifteen year old cat died unexpectedly and he kept accusing me of loving the cat more than him and that’s the reason I was grieving on our trip afterward. Then, he went ballistic on vacation when I challenged his behavior and brought up me loving my late father more than him, too, and it was getting too controlling to take.
I ended up leaving him rather than facing these crazy accusations and ultimatums. His threats and hate speech were getting out of hand. As soon as I left, he had somebody come to live with him. He must have had a viable supply lined up when he made the ultimatum. Prior to that point, he spent our four years together terrified I was going to abandon him. Within a few weeks of my departure, she was his new love and posted all over social media. Well, two months into their relationship, he calls and texts me that she’s only after his money and a free place to stay. He found out that she is disturbed and has a history of conning men on dating sites. In actuality, she is homeless and has no credit score. She took 15K from him and refuses to leave his home without a court order eviction. Imagine my surprise when he called these two months later claiming his life is a toilet bowl, he wants to die, he hates this dangerous woman, etc. Turns out, she’s not controllable like he thought and he took in a smarter narc than him.
He wanted to get back together as soon as he heard my life was back on track and I was beginning to date again. The strange thing is that he keeps up her photo as his FB page. They live a lie and present their lives as perfect on social media. They’re nuts like this. I told him the damage has been done and I’m never giving him another chance to discard me again. It was too much stress. I want somebody a bit more stable with a semblance of empathy. The narc had faked empathy for others. It was a public front. He’s a doctor and he feels the need to appear a savior when, in fact, he has no empathy towards his wife and outsiders cannot see that.
After posting some photos of myself having fun this Christmas, I’m blocking social media, phones, emails. However, I’m certain he has digital access to me in my own home. He messed with all my computers and installed indoor and outdoor cams disguised for my safety. In his home, this man watched me from work. Knew things like how many leftovers I ate and to whom I spoke on the phone. He controlled crazy things such as count the number of shrimp in the fridge in order to control my eating and weight. His ex was a trophy wife when they married, then began putting on weight. He is obsessed with physical appearance and hates fat. I’m a 100lb woman and he’s obsessed with how much I eat. He would take food off of my plate citing health concerns about me? Idk. When I found a file on his laptop, that was it. He had hired a PI to follow me around and check to see which sites I was visiting online and in real life. If there had been a valid reason such as a background of cheating, that would be understandable. However, I did nothing wrong. I was faithful and trustworthy the entire four years with him.
The new supply isn’t supplying the attention level he likes, so she’s not good supply to him and he’s sorry I’m gone. He needs attention and envy from other men. He’s pathologically competitive and insecure, now this new supply isn’t garnering supply or obeying him. He has created a mess of his life. Yes, I agree they lose control when they lose their primary supply. Now he has legal battles on his hands with her and I don’t involve myself with other women’s man. I’ve received a lot of dating offers and out meeting new people, reconnecting with old friends, enjoying the lack of tense home I was accustomed to with him. He called me saying he wants to move in with me here and I refused. I told him I’ve lost faith in him, it’s that simple, and it caused an upheaval in my life I’m
not risking by trusting him again. Don’t worry. Karma gets them at some point.
Hi Kitty, thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you have been through a lot. One thing struck me from your comment, and that was ‘has he actually split with the person he is with now?’ The reason that I say that (see the post sociopath exit strategy) is because they usually source new (or old) supply, before leaving the last. They dont like being on their own, without someone else to control and direct like a puppet. You say he is a doctor, what type of doctor is he? And is he a doctor for real? Or did he feign to be one?
No, he’s a real doctor and he was recently divorced. I checked him out online before the second date. He impulsively found this homeless new girlfriend on a dating site and she was living in a guest room upstairs while they were fighting. He was likely searching dating sites while we were still committed for a viable replacement more “convenient” to him as he stated. He wrote her a script and she even threatened to turn him into the medical board, lol. He needed an eviction notice to get her out. From what he was saying, she refused to travel back home with him for Thanksgiving and his parents were extremely upset. He said she asked for 15K, so he gave it to her in addition to moving her in with him before bothering to check her background. That being said, he called me and told me, not asked me, that he wanted to move to me and find a job near me eighty miles from him. He now realized that he made a big mistake and nobody else is going to click with him like I did. I declined telling him impulsive decisions have consequences and he’s stuck with her now. I’m dating somebody else since he told me he was definitely moving on. Not my fault he picked up a con artist. I’m now dating another physician who happens to even work in his field, lol. Meanwhile, he placed that photo of the two of them back on social media, so he must have figured that being with a homeless psycho who is stealing from him and threatening him is better than living alone. You’re so correct about that! I thought he was borderline at first. He cannot live alone for any length of time. When I wasn’t physically with him, he needed to text me all day as though I was in Siberia. The best part about it is I don’t think the new supply is as subservient as he thought she’d be due to financially supporting her. It’s actually kind of funny. I no longer have any trust in his character, so he’s not coming back to me.
‘He now realised he made a big mistake, and nobody else is going to click with him like i did’.
Don’t fall into this trap. Remember that they display to whomever is in front of them, exactly what they want to see, to lure them in. You believe that nobody else is going to click with him like you. Because you are mirroring yourself. You see, they are chameleons in this world. In front of you, he is what you want to see (when in grooming stage), when in front of somebody else, he could be someone quite different, dependent on what they wanted to see, if grooming them. Inside is an empty, emotionally vacant being, fulfilled by whomever is their target (why they cant be on their own). Now you believe that he is the victim, and he has picked up a con artist? Do you have proof of this, or is this just what he told you? You say he is with a homeless psycho, who is threatening and stealing from him (true this is what psychos do), but do you know that this is who she is? For sure, or is it actually who he is, and he is playing victim, to keep you, just in case? I could be wrong, but it sounds that, although you think you are free, and involved with someone else, that you are still in the game with him. Even if you think you are not. And this, can be a dangerous place to be.
Julie I don’t know if this will help- but I have been where you are. Just on a different level now, 6 months plus after he left me for another. I’ve blogged and blogged about it- look up edaldude and my purdy icon…
The thing is, I allowed him to slink back into my life after 3 mo NC, and it didn’t take him even until the first “date” ended to cause me:
anxiety, frustration, jealosy. These, if I remember correctly, aren’t loving feelings! But it doesn’t matter to them as this article wonderfully demonstrates. I was the fool for answering his lovely mom’s day email, I was the one that opened the door when he dropped in on me. Idiot
Now, fresh after the weekend and him abandoning me last Friday night to go be with his new love all weekend and not a peep the whole time, sends me text wishing me a Happy Day! I got my revenge, if you can call it that, basically told him he was a slut and that I was having a wonderful time at a party ( actually I lied, I didn’t go to the party because I didn’t feel like it). But he doesn’t know, and I told him everyone there is “shaking their heads in disbelief” at his antics. Also, my zinger was to text ” I am just now getting over the cold sores you gave me last time! ” I thought was funny. He says “Bless you and all your friends ( ahhh, the false religiousness rears again!) and he wishes us all only the best”! I says ” They all say to go “F” yourself! It felt good in the moment, but here he is today, calling me to “make sure I feel better” ( right, because how could anyone be upset over what he did to me?) and property doesn’t question its owner. I didn’t answer the phone- actually was waiting for him to call back as it’s like we are connected ( I sense when he thinks of me in a weird sort of way).
I was going to tell him some more shit today, but why bother? It won’t lead to any understanding and you should try, try TRY not to contact or deal with yours, either. It only ends with you being in the corner with the dunce cap on. I hate to say it, but the best revenge is nada, nothing, zelch- from your end. Like Positiva and Pheonix preach- it is the best weapon because then they have no idea. No info is what drives them mad. So I already goofed- but I will resume NC. It’s all I got at this point. AND this wonderful community!
Edal
Edal,
Thank you for your posting. I’m having a bad day as well and in my mind wished he would text or call , etc. After reading your post you helped me a lot . It sucks that I know better and yet my thoughts have to screw with the truth UGH:( but thank goodness I have this wonderful blog and supportive people here)))))
I like Positivagirl’s suggestion to write down things. I wrote some of the stupid, cruel things he said to me and I read them over and over when I feel like I will remember him in a good light (which is a lie). I sometimes don’t have paper so I just type it into my phone and I can read it over and over and over and it really does help.
I think that it is so easy to remember these people as kind people (who lie) and who just had a hard time and need a friend (I think at least that is what I though and, I need to hold up the mirror to myself for that). He was always telling me how hard his childhood was. What do I look like a therapist? haha.. Once I was so upset with him and he was texting me so I ignored him because I was literally so upset that I could not respond, well after 4 texts he says ” I hope you are alright (never cared bf) then he says” cold shoulder does not become you ! What a loser! who says that ? Anyway I played along because I didn’t want to upset the brat. Don’t kick yourself for someone else being a sneak a a scum. That is all his to own. Now you do what is better for you!
Edal, you and Julie are not taking it seriously enough. When they text you they are always manipulating you can’t reply ot you are feeding the beast. Either block the message or get a phone that blocks it if you don’t want to change numbers. They have no normal feelings, if you try to hurt their feelings, it doesn’t work, they are only using it against you maybe even showing to their minions.
Gosh…this sounds just like my ex…the self righteous condiscending replies back. Is his name Shane by any chance?! Run run run
I agree with the No Contact suggestion. I was married to a sociopath for 10 years and still waiting for my divorce document to be signed any day now for it to be finalized. In approximately a year, I’ve run into him at the bank and spoke about 3 sentences to him regarding our finances and the other time I relapsed and text him and fell back into my old role of trying to take care of him. His response was “leave me alone now”. So I did. I blocked him from calling (not that he did anyway), texting, and closed my Facebook account. I haven’t had any kind of contact since then. I had kicked him out of my house / life over a year ago because I found out he had been cheating / lying on me for 8+ years. (If you asked him now, he would say he never said that. LOL) You could ask him something, he would say “yes” and two minutes later, he would say he never said that. Crazy…. I know that he’s been bad mouthing me to other people in our community and I wanted to let him know what I thought about him but I haven’t. He is so manipulative that no matter what I said, he would turn it around to his benefit. He would tell people that I was crazy, etc. I’ve already gone through that before. He’s not worth it. I know that I don’t deserve it. I’ve lived with this insanity for 12+ years. I just want him to go away. If I start something up with him again, it just puts me right in there with him.
I know, it’s hard when they make you out to do everything that they do. It can drive you crazy. No contact is the only way to heal. To get yourself back. No contact forces you to focus on you. Each day of no contact can be another day of healing.
What happens when they’re still in contact with your family and friends. I cannot block them all and he has them convinced he cares for me and is good for me. I’m being serious. He’s very charming and helpful on the surface, so nobody else see the covert side of him. Also, it’s been posted on support groups how they make fake accts and digitally stock you, anyway. Guest all my personal posts will be set at friends list only. Do they ever stop stalking?? I had met a man six years ago before meeting and marrying my ex. I went back onto a dating site. Low and behold, he’s still there and he sent me an intro as though he doesn’t know me. He called me everyday for a few months, so he knows me. The reason I went no contact with him was that he showed clear signs of narcissism. He wasn’t smart about maintaining his mask. The man I married was clever. He didn’t let the mask slip until four years into the marriage. That’s the point he demanded I sell my home and move into his. He had no yet gained complete control before the mask slipped and I high tailed it out of dodge. Once you see that side, you know. You just know. They say and do things so vile that it changes your perception of them permanently.
Hi, well, it really depends. If you have children with them, then no. If they think that there is a chance to use you for something (money, home, connections) unlikely that they stop with the stalking. Sometimes they do, when they have moved onto someone else, and there is nothing further that they want from you. I would say that he isnt done with you yet. He is still playing the game, and in contact with your family and friends. Third party abuse. They enjoy this, when they can no longer control you, they will control how others see you. It sounds as if exes were narcissist, and the one you married was more on the spectrum of sociopathy/psychopathy. They are very clever, charismatic and charming, and very good at hiding. Also pathological liars, they are the lie. this can make it very difficult to move on. As your brain remembers also the faked happy times, which was usually manipulating you for their own benefit. When he demanded that you sold your home and moved into his, what happened to your money from the sale of your house? They are like magpies and attracted to cash. That alone sounds like a manipulative move then he could tell you that you are married now, and what was yours is now ours. Well until every penny is gone. Then you are on your own. Once they start to rage and show who they are behind the mask, sometimes they are done. But often its rage because they feel they have lost control over you, then anything is possible. But they can flip the switch, be charismatic and charming again to lure you back in. Apologise for their actions, come up with incredible excuses for their behaviour. But, they are very good at hiding (behind the mask). The damage being done to you, behind your back, while feigning to help you.
I always love how you non-socios make it out that we are seemingly omnipotent beings (and we’re meant to have a God complex) when we are only human, we can lose after all.
The bit about using both parts of the brain: it can still be overloaded though, bringing everything down.
My experience is that the sociopath I was involved with thought he was omnipotent. He had a God complex. He didn’t care who he hurt, his children, anyone. He’d lie when it was easier to tell the truth. This is my experience.
I hear you. My ex is the same. He’d run into a burning building if he knew there would be an audience. Everything was a public show based upon image. He often sought image at the expense of the marriage. That was the problem and it took me a while to realize what was happening. When we met, I thought “what a kind, gentle, honest man after a lifetime of attracting narcissists”. Turns out he was more stealthy and turned out to be the most damaging. Didn’t see the deval and discard coming.
Yes, the thing with sociopaths, they are more charismatic and charming.
Hi everyone 🙂
Yet Another Great Post Pos & always timely as they usually strike a cord right when someone really needs it 🙂
I am well through the maze now as you know but, I had a different encounter with a Socialized Sociopath/Covert Narcissist who has learnt that controlling himself is paramount to remaining undetected.
I feel he is further up the food chain & a master no less. ( I am not giving him credit for being so adept but, he is amazingly controlled & adept, he has honed his skills on everyone.)
I never got the full rage only glimpses etc…thank-god but, then again would probably never have been freed either as, I don’t think he willingly let me go?
The OW gave him an ultimatum ‘it’s her or me’ & as she had more money, title, the power couple etc…I was dispensable.
I am truly glad I am not her ‘the chosen one’ as she does not get a prize, just a life of misery & mistrust.
Besides, I gave her a ‘heads up’ on his behavior & word salad & we deconstructed what he says & what his agenda & mode of operation is.
I basically used his bag of tricks against him, like finding out how the illusion is performed 🙂
I hope she uses these tools effectively?
It is not my problem, it’s hers.
Revenge is pointless as, you expend so much energy & ultimately can come off second best or worse. I should know 😉
It makes no difference anyway as, it’s like hearing a loved ones murderer get a sentence of life but, you still have to live without your loved one 😦
You feel vindicated but, know they go on & keep living & destroying in one way or another.
Their survival instinct is paramount & they will destroy you before them if you give them enough power.
If they could, they would make your ‘brown eyes blue’, just like Hitler.
Complete dominance & compliance & extinction to all that do not ‘fit’ or obey.
The addiction to them is, the most dangerous weapon in their armory & they depend & rely on it. You love me, therefore you will do anything to keep loving me.
Just like alcohol or substance addiction or food addiction, it never ever ends well, show me an addiction that has a happy outcome.
Many alcoholics love their alcohol more than their family, it becomes their best friend & ultimately destroys them. An addict will choose their addiction over you any day.
I have seen this firsthand & it takes years & the ending is not pretty nor is the dependence or next fix or next drink or next touch 😦
Once you ‘get it’, there is no going back, you cannot rely or depend on them & they cannot be your friend ever. Full No Contact, Cold Turkey is the only way out, one text can undo so much, be careful. Your thoughts will be your biggest undoing as what you think, is what you believe.
Ask yourself, would you make friends with a predatory animal?
Experts will tell you never take your eyes off them or trust them as they act from pure instinct & that’s survival of the species at all costs.
Don’t be the cost, be the saving grace & free yourself from the ‘power play’.
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
For all the hearts & young at hearts out there, listen & soak this in 🙂
Don’t waste your love on a heart that doesn’t love you!
Run Free 🙂
PR xoxo
Hi all, this might get some thinking?
These are the lyric’s for Robbie Williams ‘Feel’….it was another warning that I never heeded but, heard often when my Socio was around.
Perhaps it is their anthem?
“Feel”
Come and hold my hand
I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I’ve been given
I sit and talk to God
And he just laughs at my plans
My head speaks a language
I don’t understand
I just wanna feel
Real love feel the home that I live in
Cos I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
I don’t wanna die
But I ain’t keen on living either
Before I fall in love
I’m preparing to leave her
Scare myself to death
That’s why I keep on running
Before I’ve arrived
I can see myself coming
I just wanna feel
Real love feel the home that I live in
Cos I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
And I need to feel
Real love and the love ever after
I can not get enough
I just wanna feel
Real love feel the home that I live in
I got too much love
Running through my veins
To go to waste
I just wanna feel
Real love and the love ever after
There’s a hole in my soul
You can see it in my face
It’s a real big place
Come and hold my hand
I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I’ve been given
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand
They will never understand us nor we them so, free yourself from the mind of disorder.
PR x
Wow couldn^t of nailed it any better! Chilling!
Hey there,
. Me and xspath used to party alot off this song, my God when I heard it again it brought back good memories when we enjoyed each other, I mean the illusion of each other, I got a letter from him today, please write me he said, I read it an threw it away. I’m not writing back, the hell with him, he’s definatly starting to feel antsy, since October 2013, I left him, I think he feels its over, but I have a. feeling he’s going to keep at bothering me. Anywho good post, I have read this before I believe. No contact…..
“The sociopath is always in your life, you are never in theirs.” So true! I may have to put this one on my phone and read it every morning.
It took me almost 2 years before I realised this fact Natalie.
Which is quite crazy, they are so good at what they do, you don’t realise that they are in your life – you are NOT in theirs…. ever…. and if you complain about it, they will tell you how you are going to be in their life, but it never really happens. Everything is engineered – like the script of a very badly written play.
I was very saddened by the death of Maya Angelou today. But, I think her poem “Still I rise” should be on all our mirrors..
Still I Rise
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.
Beautiful Maya was a beautiful wise and very gifted soul. Thank you for sharing Nancy. I will share on the facebook page.
Thank you Nancy, that’s wonderful, I’m going to print that one out.
And my favorite quote from her… “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time” Rest in peace Maya…
Beautuful Nancy 🙂
Maya was a wonderful lady with a beautiful soul & now she will be an awesome spirit guide 😃
RIP Maya, gone but, never forgotten.
PR xoxo
I have just found your site it is awesome!!!! I won’t bore u with my story with my xsp it is the same as everyone else’s it truly amazes me that there r such hurtful people out there. It’s been 7 months of no contact for me&finally I smile once again. He’s been bad mouthing me to his mommy&of course I’m the crazy one lolol,truthfully I dnt care because I know who I am!!!! It surprises me cause his mommy always told me what a liar he is&now all of a sudden I’m the liar. The people r nuts,thank god I dnt live in the same state as they do! Anyway wanted to ask ? When playing the “victim” of course after I busted him lying,cheating blah,blah he would always threating to kill him self run out so I would chase him has any one else had that experience ? Or was my x just extra special lololo? I can’t thank everyone on this site enough for helping me to understand that it is them that have the problem¬ us!!!!
Hi and welcome to the site 🙂
First of all, with PSYCHOPATHS, I have read that they are more likely to threaten and follow through with suicide than people in general population.
With sociopaths, I think saying that they are going to kill themselves, is a way to get back control, to force you to feel sorry for them. For you to take down your hardened wall, and let them back in. I lost count of the number of times that he told me he was going to kill himself (he didn’t) likely he put the phone down and got on with his day.
It is just words to them. they love to play the game. Remove yourself from it. It isn’t your responsibility. If you just ignore him, probably he will shut up about it Ithink my response eventually was ‘whatever’ and then i would be told how it would be my fault that he was dead… of course nothing ever happened, it was just another dramatic act designed to regain control.
Thank u for reassuring me it is part of there game.
I just re read my post, I hope I didn’t offend anyone, I didn’t mean there story’s or yours r boring. I meant for myself my story. I think it is great that there is a site like this&i am thankful I found it. Again if I offended anyone I apologize
Hi I’m Free 😉
You made me laugh as, I am bored with my own story these days which is a good sign 🙂
I hope you keep sharing & supporting & mostly knowing yourself & get bored with the experience & let it go.
Remember, at the end of the day, it’s You that matters & not your ex…
Get 2 balloons & tie a lovely ribbon on one.
Then get a pin & take the first balloon & pop it, that’s your ex, all hot air!
Now write a note, ‘I’m free’ & tie to the other balloon with ribbon & go outside anytime & ‘let it go’.
Watch it as it flies upward & onward, that’s you 🙂
That balloon contains your spirit & your breath & it will eventually burst & combine with all of ours 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Love this beautiful pr!! 🙂
I’ve been a bit teary eyed today, we have lost a phenomenal woman, poet, dancer, she was like our mother and I would like to thank Oprah another love of mine for introducing Maya on the Oprah show, my first impression of Maya was she’s remarkable, gracious, a scholar in her own right, as singlee mom who took on three jobs to raise her son the right way. Never ashamed to talk candidly about where she came from, been through, and where she was going. The caged bird is free to fly, fly Maya fly.. RIP..
Hi Boopsie 🙂
Well then, what are you waiting for?
If Maya can do it, so can you.
Go out & shine like the diamond you are 🙂
PR xoxo
Hi Phoenix,
I agree a beautiful inspirational soul x
Hi Pos, I wrote to possts and they didn’t go through.
I am going through this exact situation right now it is so awful. I am trying to cut all ties and hope this chapter can be closed in my life after almost a decade. It makes me so sick but ready to move on for good. I am much wiser and no this will not happen to me again. I just witnessed complete rage as the sociopath in my life thought he was losing control. Really scary! I just want to badly for this to be over. I fear he is going to continue to stalk me and hurt me. He has done all of the tactics listed to me worse part is isolating me from others which I am now starting to change.
Start small Aimee. It’s important to have people around you that you can TRUST even if it is just only one person. From this you can grow. One day at a time.
Yes, avoid all contacts. If he comes knocking or meet you at work or something, you should contact you lawyer, or at least tell your friends. So in case he insists you can eventually get to the police. But it is rare to get to that.
Everything that has been said, mirrors exactly what I am now going through. Even when I had thought months ago his behavior was similar to a sociopaths, i stayed. Hoping things would change or get better. He tried to control me, but I was smart enough to move. Have I seen him? Unfortunately, I have. Reading all these messages, made me realize I need to stay far, far away. I do have a few questions…My ex is an identical native american twin. Could his twin have made my ex his victim? as he has made me? He also is an alcoholic. When he lived away from his twin, he lived basically a ‘normal’ life. Worked, had a family, etc. About 8 yrs ago, he decided to move where his twin was, and has done a complete 360. I assume he had the same tendencies before, but had a better handle on reality. Are my suspicions correct about his twin?
I think he could be less abusive before he became close to his twin before, specially if he is an alcoholic and his brother is an enabler, which is very probable. But even so, its not possible he was a completely normal person, but less abusive.
Positive, I have a question. My ex SP left me to pursue another who I believe is an SP like him. This woman is still married and he calls her his woman. I don’t understand how he can view her as ownership being she’s married. When she would send me harassing emails calling him her man, is my ex mirroring her claim on him? I wonder was the reason he left me to be with her because I’m on to his cheating ways? Also, he sent me a message saying “Actually, the truth is I care about you and glad you found someone else.” I believe this is his game to lure me back while still being with her. Right? Or, he wants her to look at his phone and see that message to get a rise out of her? Am I right? Lastly, is this some way of finding a way to control getting a response from me? He had the nerve to say in his message “Its a matter of forgiveness and letting go.”
It is totally manipulative and trying to get an answer from you and drag you in. Who the heck is he to talk about freaking forgiveness?! You have to block those stupid messages, don’t even think about them because whatever you answer he will use against you just like you said, showing to someone else or making up lies.
This other sp of his might be married, but if he has complete control and she does whatever he tells, he doesn’t care, maybe he even wants her to keep married so she has more money he can steal from her.
Also, it could be like you said, he left because you found out, not because he felt bad though, but because he would loose control and have a hard time manipulating you when he already had a new supply with the married cheater.
its all about mindfucking… hes the compassionate caring one and youre the asshole…its sickening…and scary…totally enraging too!
This is very true. You never see it coming. But there are always red flags, yet being the naive people we are who are not Sociopathic/Psychopathic, we just ignore them usually. And when you do finally realise what’s really going on, and see the path for who they really are, its all too late. You are trapped in the web the path created and weaved together oh so cleverly. And once they get to your friends and family, its all over, you don’t stand a chance, really. You see, the path has been doing this for YEARS, most likely since they were children. They will get everybody to feel sorry for them and they will play the “wounded hero”, telling you how they were done wrong in the past and blah, blah, blah. Feeding you these tragic stories about their abusive chilhood and horrible family. When in reality their family cut them off because of the drama, chaos and pain they caused on their relitives. Then once you see them without the mask, it all makes sense. The people who the path claims did them wrong were probably giving them exactly what they deserved! THERE ARE TWO SIDES TO EVERY STORY, remember that when dealing with people in general. When people tell you sad stories about their past trials and tribulations, make sure they have proof, if not don’t believe a word of it. Doing this will save you from being duped more than other people who meet the path. Sad but true. In the end of it all, once they get bored or exposed and their true form is seen by everybody in the social circle, they simply vanish, like they never even existed! They move on to the next group of people who don’t know any of the former victims of the path. It’s really tragic when people who have worked so hard for their place in the world to make their dreams come true, then one day the path comes along and destroys it all just like that, ruining your once respected reputation, and making you out to be the bad guy. Its devastating, its sick, its twisted, its sad and they will never change. Best thing you could do is just not to pick up any of the broken peices. Just leave it there, take a good look at it, and walk away empty handed, humbled and defeated. Its painful but that’s life. Accept the fact that there is no looking back or fixing any of it. Simply move on, disappear forever and take it from there. And when I mean dissapear, I mean literally dissapear for good. No contact with ANYONE. Period! And try to start all over again with a clean, honest and fresh plate. That’s all you can really do. In a sense, that is winning. The path will never get to you again, they can trash talk you ALL they want but it will never get back to you. They can’t get to you, they don’t know where you are and never will, and knowing that pisses them off. That’s the best revenge, don’t feed the fire…just ignore it and let it burn itself out. In ten years from now, nobody will even remember half of it, or care. Wounds will heal in time, I promise, Godbless.
Wow couldn^t of nailed it any better! Chilling!
Well said!
I’m watching this show on MTV right now…”Catfish” wow. Think you all might enjoy it. On Wednesday nights.About internet socios…Such heartless people. Very interesting. Also downloaded the free “The Mask of Sanity” Please read. I know most of you are not in the USA so maybe you don’t get this show. But, if you do, please watch….
Nancy,
I heard about Catfish. There is also a video that aired on 20/20 last year. It was the first hint I had that something was wrong with my mate…and it wasn’t me. Check it out: http://www.hulu.com/watch/478568#i0,p0,d1
Need some ideas. I’ve been 6 weeks with virtually no contact. During this time have had 7 incidents of vandalism to my cars, my home and my business visiting me over $6000 so far. Vandalism has been reported to the police but there is no legal proof he committed the vandalism. Security cameras have not caught him (yet). Police have offered to go talk to the SP but since they can’t charge him I am afraid this will only escalate matters. Don’t want to sit waiting for the next thing to happen and hope cameras catch him this time. Any thoughts on what his response would be to a visit with a warning from the police? I’m afraid he’ll talk his way out of it and make me look crazy. Any suggestions would be appreciated …
You could try reading the post ‘how to get even with one’ its hard work, and hard going – not recommended for one who is violent – or if you have children or they have anything further to use against you. Otherwise if you trying to do no contact is just causing further distress and things are getting worse and worse, and the police cannot assist – it is what I did. Alternatively you can try an injunction order, but often they do not listen to this, and they are so sneaky and devious – that it would continue they love getting away with it….yes he would make you look crazy but likely he will do this anyway.
Thanks. I gave read that post. No children involved thank God! Not sure if he’s violent. Never raised his hand to me during our 4 year relationship. Last piece of vandalism was wrecking the brakes on my car. I suppose that counts as violence
Im a bit confused about yr advice in the post about getting even. Think I’ve sort of following that in the sense that I’ve shown no fear and when he asked me is anything had happened to my cars or my office I said no, what was he talking about His mo is telling me that his ex friends were out to get me and he was trying to keep me safe. He’s playing the sympathy card and showing me (obviously fake) pics of how he was beat up and they wanted to do that to me and worse. My blasé attitude and saying that nothing had happened seemed to confuse him but not sure anything is working. I’m still getting texts that vacillate between him saying he doesn’t care about me and I’ll have to look after myself to saying he’s sorry he said that he was just drunk and in pain and couldn’t take the beatings he was getting anymore
The worst is that I know I am still vulnerable to his sparkle and I know I need no contact so I can see him clearly.
Because all the things he’s going us illegal I’m not sure what I can do back to him as suggested in your post. I have been smiling and nice (except for cooly and calmly telling him it’s over and I don’t love him) Can you be more specific about what I can do?
I really appreciate your help. Your website has been one of the feewthings helping me deal with all this drama. People who have not been involved with a SP just don’t get it !!
Hi Stuckinlimbo,
The fact that you have contact with him via texts is not good as hecis just playing with you etc…he does what he does to provoke a responce & any response feeds him.
You must get restraining order & document all damage. You report everything to the police, everything!
Regardless of them not acting, you keep reporting the incidents as this provides future evidence.
You must not engage at all with him.
Do not text or speak to him, him friends ever again.
Find a counsellor trained in dealing with NPD & read all about the trait.
If you can move, move!
He will escalate if you allow him & you must come first.
You are not safe, you will be continually tormented until he loses interest. He will do everything he can to destroy you.
If he cannot have you, no-one else will!
He will systematically destroy you 😔
You must save yourself & it may not be fair but, its probably your only chance or he will make your life miserable.
Sorry I cannot give you a magic pill but, the reality is you are dealing with a disordered mind & you can never be sure what he is thinking.
He will rule you with fear, his greatest weapon!
Good luck & Love & Light 😃
PR xoxo
do your best to put up surveillance… or hire someone to befriend him and then get them to tape his confessions… sociopaths are very vindictive…
Thank you. You’re telling me what I expected. Sorry about the typos. Stupid auto correct. More so when I use my phone.
I am trying no contact and now letting police deal with my cut brakes on car.
Just not sure how to respond so he loses interest and goes to next victim. Sad part is I doubt he’ll find another victim soon. He’s kind of pathetic now that I look him objectively. How much of a loser am I that I fell for his lies. Oh well … Onwards and upwards ..
Any other ideas about how to deal with him since I have no legal proof he did these things would he appreciated. I don’t want to get sucked unto the drama of being another mr and mes smith to keep my interest engaged. I’m worried I am going crazy and becoming another SP just like him ( except I have too much empathy to my dismay – it wld make life somuch easier if I was like him)
Any ideas in making him lose interest?
I am going through the same thing trying to make lose interest it is not working well….no contact is best I am trying to do that as well. I have good and bad days today was not good, I cried…the betrayal and lies get to me. All those lost years…
I’m so sorry you’re going through this too aimee2.
I’m finding no contact is not working. The vandalism only escalates. I’m stumped and stuck.
I’m happy NC seems to make things better for you. Eventually you will come to the place where you know you are so much better off without the him. Better to be alone than having a miserable life with someone who lies to you all the time. He will not change who he is and you know you deserve better. Time to think of the future as a blank canvas and now you get to paint the picture ! Best of luck deciding how you want it to look 🙂
Just like PR said, cut all comunications, text, meetings, contact with his friends, not a word. That is the only way he will lose interest, anything you tell him, like “it’s over” or you don’t love him, is just feeding him.
You should report all damages to the police even if you don’t know who did it or have no proof, that is what Pheonix was saying.
Hello All, You might remember me from about half a year back when I was trying to get over my encounter with a sociopath and narcissist.
I was in a very bad place and this site and all of you helped me tremendously.
I just thought I’d write to say that I am well and happy, and completely recovered. I want to say thank you to everyone and assure those who are still struggling that it does get better and that good times will come again.
I am now is a happy and healthy relationship with a loving, caring, normal man who loves and respects me.
But even before I met him, I was in a great place after I realised that splitting with the sociopath was the BEST thing that had ever happened to me.
It’s hard to see that this is so when he first leaves you, but actually when he does that he’s doing you a favour. You just have to slowly work through the grief and anger, and come out stronger and healthier than ever.
No contact is important and being good to yourself is VERY important.
I continue to visit this site, and I want to say that I send everyone on it tons of positive vibes.
We all deserve happiness and we will ALL have the good life and love that’s meant for us, never doubt it.
Hugs!
OneRedFlower
that is wonderful! Good to hear something positive.
Thanks for returning with an update and letting people (like me) know that it will get better and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. It’s only been a couple of months and it is getting better I just want to stop thinking about her and what happened. But glad to know I am educated on these types of people now and have things like this to read and connect the dots somewhat. Thanks again.
How do you know if you are in danger? I received a message that frightens me…how do you know when you need to take any type of action? I am walking on eggshells…
Hi Aimee, I am so sorry, I have only just seen your message.
You have received a message that frightens you. Please listen to yourself. If you are frightened, please report it to the police.
Really insightful post and blog, I thank you for providing another wonderful resource I can go to to understand and move forward after escaping from this awful syndrome!
Thank you Libertie, and welcome to the site 🙂
if you feel like you’ve been attracting only sociopaths and narcissists, then please see if you are suffering from borderline personality disorder.
I recently found out I suffer from bpd, and it has made my life very difficult.
if you see a pattern in your past relationships, then please see if you’re suffering from a disorder and seek help immediately.
Angelarun2001
You are probably right. I too, discovered that I have BPD. It runs in my family. Most people don’t understand that it’s a self-esteem disorder. I have been working on my forth book, called, Borderline, The Illusion of Sanity, but it’s not easy and will probably take a few years to complete.
that’s great Natalie, I look forward to your book ! 🙂
I’m just sick and tired of the vicious circle I had created for myself when it comes to intimate relationships…thankfully I am aware now so maybe it will be different this time.
My father was a narcissist and it wasn’t until I dated a couple narcissist and now a psychopath that I realized that I was BPD (undiagnosed) you are dead on and Since then I’ve worked so much on me it ain’t funny. I spot them quicker now too.
Reblogged this on boopsiekisses's Blog.
Pos, I reblogged your post and I dont even know what’s happening. Sorry to you if I did something wrong, dont even wanna blog, can I delete the blog.
Hey no this is cool if you used the sharing buttons, that is what they are there for 🙂
Oh, okaee, well that’s good new then, but I have to find out how to delete it. Ok love an peace 😎😎
Hello everyone!
This is just like wow…the fact that I found this place,makes me happy.
I didn’t even knew a sociopath existed before this opened my eyes,and I am here to thank whoever got the great idea of opening this blog,its such a huge help for some of us.I had been in a rel for 2 years with someone that most likely is a sociopath bc he fits the profile perfectly. Oh man…it’s been tough…I’m struggling…2 weeks that I got out,he chased me few days after insatiably but I resisted and I’m proud of myself.He did all we could to make me come back,threatened,begged,called family,friends,show up at my door call 500 times…you get the picture but I already knew his true face so nothing worked anymore,been through this like 200 times. I have to say it’s been really hard and it will be but everyday I feel a little better,less stress,no lies,no manipulation,no crazy making.I feel sad because of what happen to me but I also feel relieved.Stay strong people,do it! Use your head like they do,not your heart and push them out! Thanks again!
Hi lavinia welcome to the site 🙂 take one day at a time. The further you get away the more you heal and find yourself. The last one I did no contact for a year pretty much. It enabled me to find me. Well done… And welcome to the site!! 🙂
Hi. I stop seeing my sociopath 2 weeks before he and his twin beat to death their cousin. It could have been me. I went to see him in jail and saw no remorse what so ever. I wasn’t surprised, just glad I got out when I did. Yes, they are all capable of murder.
Not all are violent, but if they are, it can be a lethal combination, as they have no conscience, you must be feeling shaken and that you had a lucky escape.
You say that you went to see him in Jail, are you still in contact with him?
No. I don’t write him or talk to him. I found papers from over a yr ago, stating my suspect ions of him being a sociopath, and yet I stayed. I do miss things about him, but I don’t forget all the hurt.
You know before the truth came out I kept a diary. All the signs were there I saw it, but ignored it as I didn’t want it to be true.
This post is most disturbing to come across. I will not check this post, but I must be heard here. I am a sociopath, and a male. This fits almost all sociopaths I’m sure. But I am always in control and I like manipulating people in the good way by making them smile, or feel better (or at work to sell/claw the system!) I have a son and a wife. And I have never had an incident since I was very young, unaware and inexperienced. I enjoy the fact that both of them are very independent. I just want everyone to know, there is one out there, could be more, but definitely one exists. Thanks for reading
_anonymous
Hello everyone! I’m getting out of a relationship after 19 years! 17 years of marriage. The only thing is as controlling as he is, he doesn’t need to be with me excessively. He fits the description of not letting me be part of his life. He’s a liar and not very affectionate in any way, but has constantly had woman in his life, but won’t admitvto anything! He used to be a church goer, but has become so hardened these last 6-7 years. They get worse over time. Now my three kids all teenagers, see what a pathetic pos he is. I’m just scared as finances will be tough. He is going back on his promise as to what he will give me!
Yes, that’s about right. But nobody really gets into the outcome of “growing up” being abused everyday by your background. And the facts that this keeps on attracting other psychopahs and their abuse. There is nothing as inhumane as destroying/raping somebody who is already dead.
Just ended a relationship with a socialpath feel devastated and exhausted
Hi Bob, enjoy your time of peace and hopefully recovery. It is exhausting being with them, constantly feeling on guard or fighting a battle. When it is finally over, it can be difficult to switch off that ‘on guard’ feeling.
my child’s father was like this trying to control me and used me to look good to others he was a poor inner city youth who no body understood and i was a middle class girl but i liked him and it grew to love but as is always THE CASE THE TRUE COLORS COME OUT AFTER THEY HAVE GAINED YOUR FULL TRUST AND HAVE YOU WRAPPED in thier web of lies. i eventually left him pregnant and broke he took aLL i had financially but i had a great family who helped me at the time with the situation. he tried everything smear campaigns . stalking using friends AND FAMILY TO CAUSE DIVISION AND to keep track of me. its been five years and i have gone no contact and i dont regret a day. when you become a parent it becomes less about you and your feelings for the person and more about the safety of the child or children because these persons are unstable and are seeking control of you they will harm the child if things are not going in thier favour i always keep that in the back of my mind so i dont waste time with the illusion of a possibility of continuing the relationship. it came down to a choice him or me and i choose me and my child and i have no regrets. he still stalks but ive learnt to ignore and move forward with my life with all the court ordered restrictions and boundries i have put in place.
Please can I ask a question?
I’ve been involved with someone for almost six years( we are both married) my husband is a narcissist.
My ‘friend’ soon became more, and over these years there has been a lot of push pull, strong abandonment fears, stalking,lying, form his side. I have studied and read for the past four years believing him to be sociopathic or Borderline.
All of the descriptions and traits match to a T. I’ve never felt such love for anyone in my life.
There have been at least two episodes when he has begged me to leave my home because he wanted us to be together, only to change his mind when I said yes let’s do it. He and I were in constant contact every day, always telling me how much he loved me, his life was hell, illnesses, problems, dramas at work/ home etc.
Every now and then he would kind of place me in friend mode, and all the deep longing stuff would stop until I would ask if he wanted to end things and work on his marriage. Then he’d put me back where we were before saying his marriage was past saving, but she suffered from depression, he couldn’t hurt her. I know what you’ll all say…stupid me, but I can’t explain how deep this all was for me, a constant longing, yet unfulfilled and frustrated.
Three months ago he asked to meet, which had slowed down to only seeing him 7/8times in a year, but still with contact or calls every day. I asked if he thought it should stop, said I would understand if he needed to work on things at home. I can still remember his face, a cringe of annoyance.
He said no, he’s never loved anyone like he does me, couldn’t bear to lose me, be totally lost if I wasn’t in his life, wants it to be how it was ( physical) thinks about it all the time, but can’t at the moment. It had been a year since last time. I said, then he needed to say if he only wanted friendship as it’s causing me deep confusion.
A few days later he tells me his wife knows, he’s being kicked out because he’s told her it used to be physical, but he hasn’t seen me for over a year because we’re now just friends. Says shes wanted a divorce all this time anyway, but he doesn’t want me speaking to her when I offered, tells me it must be awful for me and he hopes I can sleep tonight
Still calls me his darling. I was left totally stunned. Not knowing what to expect or do, and went home reciting in my head how to tell my husband, but all the time wondering if it’s really happening or if he’s staged it all.
Next day he says she’s seen a text from him to me, but I hadn’t received one, she didn’t call or text me but messages me on social media saying she knows and threatens my family. I couldn’t reply, just kept reading it, all the blame being in my direction. It took five days before he answered me. Then he said she now has your number?
After getting serious threats by text the next day, I told by husband expecting her to visit. I never heard from either of them for over a month. My life had been turned to hell, trying to keep identity from my husband as I still didn’t know if she actually knew anything or not., didn’t want her to go thru hell if she had no idea. Crying and feeling like I’ve gone cold turkey off heroine, needing to know if he’s okay, but darent try to find out.
Exactly one month later I get a text apparently from her and also almost identical message on social media but from his account, more threats against my famil and descriptions/ details of things we’d done together. ( shaming and discrediting me)
I know I deserve this, so not expecting kind words, but I made one reply that my husband knew and to stop the abuse or I’d take it further. It almost killed me, I was pining for him, wanted to speak to her badly but couldn’t because he’d lied and shortened the whole thing to a few months fling and allowed all the abuse to be hurled my way.
They both immediately disappeared from social media, and I’ve never heard a thing in 9 weeks. I’ve let him know that it’s over because I had to have some closure. My marriage although not happy before is in ruins, but I can’t get my ‘friend’ out of my head despite therapy.
This had been almost six years of deeply emotional bonding and sharing each other’s daily events.
I’m in total stunned mode, I can’t understand why this woman who sent very sexually detailed descriptions of our meetings, full of anger and rage, has not bothered pursuing things or knocked on my door.
I’m actually wondering if any man could stage all this just because I showed waning interest??
Is it all typical of a sociopath who feared rejection??
I don’t think he told his wife at all. I think he was lying. 1. Knowing you would be in fear 2. Hoping you would tell your husband. Which you did. I am sorry this has happened. They do it deliberately 😦
2 months in and I figured him out. My father was a narcissist and it wasn’t until I dated a narcissist that I realized I already got the gift to spot them just never used it. Yes 2 months in… I was thinking he was a narcissist but he was never really a rager but very intellectual… Then boom I read this and it fit perfectly who he is. But I got my revenge. You see I did an album… He set me up real good with a marketer to push my music and because he helped me… I thought why not give him a feature on one of my songs… Just before my music video was to break.. He discarded me and tried to sabotage it but he was spending more time than normal with me but his behavior changed. He discarded me the day of the video shoot to try to mess up what I was doing but it came out beautifully because being raised by a narcissist I learnt how to keep going in spite pain. I actually work better in pain…. Maybe something is wrong with me too… But my revenge was… He knew I would market my album… Hence he would get publicity… He’s so smart… But not that smart. I immediately pulled all traces of him and the album… Re-recorded a “secret” album and didn’t tell a soul until it was out… Moved the current video song to the secret album and cut all ties and anything with him…. He may be brewing right now… But I can move on without him at all and he didn’t get crap from me… He would’ve been up the ladder with me if he knew to keep his mask on tighter. Yes he bashes me online but I have a lot of followers and I just do me and ignore Ignore ignore. He’s still in the back of my mind what he’ll do… But the revenge was so sweet and everyone that saw him bad talk me saw that…. I moved forward and marketed everything while he’s still where he is. That my friends … Living well and being successful and Ignoring them is the ultimate win. Y’all hang in there. I’ll be single for awhile while I heal and that’s ok with me. Take care.
The control issue is reason we leave so they are stupid as well as dangerous.
I escaped very quietly leaving my possessions & staying silent.
I experienced a dangerous psychotic rage, nothing coukd have prepared me for this. They can kill, you know it in that paralysing moment of fear.
The sociopath erased me too. I blocked him he jumped into a new romance. Making sure I saw this new soulmate scenario.
Despite being deleted from his memory, since then he has continually attempted to reconnect, mail or dropping off possessions and creepy things.
This has been three years free, I’m wondering when it might finally stop.
He has no control, he is lurking in the shadows like a vulture.
The hardest thing to fathom is when I was ‘in’ psycho’s life I was invisible, unimportant, a chore, when I left never to return psycho is constantly attempting to make contact, showering me with opportunities to reunite.
This is what I cannot make sense out of, the turnaround is incredible, spooky in fact, he didn’t keep tabs on me when I was with him so why now ?
One word – control.
I’m just getting out of a relationship with a sociopath. After two years and seven break ups, I have accepted that it’s never going to get any better and I need to take care of myself. He has done horrible things, unspeakable things, to try to hurt me and I have forgiven him over and over again and believed him when he said he understood the way his behavior impacts others. I have endured so much emotional and mental abuse always telling myself he is sick not bad and I wouldn’t leave him if he had cancer. But if he had cancer it wouldn’t have the repercussions on my entire self worth and sanity. I have to make peace with the fact that I can’t stay with him and let him continue to destroy what’s left of me. I have anger like the rest of you, I have a lot of it, but I don’t want revenge. Are his actions hurtful, mean, degrading and completely irrational? Absolutely. But regardless of all that, at the end of the day he doesn’t have a choice in the matter. He was born this way and he couldn’t change it if he tried. He went for a psych assessment and is awaiting consultation with a psychiatrist but there’s nothing they can do for him, he cant be cured. He can’t even fully see or understand how he effects others because of a lack of conscience and empathy. I feel bad for people who are afflicted with mental health disorders. They’re not bad people in my opinion, they’re sick people. We need to focus on ourselves and do what we need to do to get away from the damaging effects of being in a relationship with a mentally ill person. If I get stuck in anger and start thinking about getting revenge, I’m not hurting anyone but myself. I have been hurt by him enough, I’m sure as hell not interested in causing further hurt to myself by hanging onto resentments. It helps me to see it for what it is, an illness. I can let go of the anger and some of the hurt when I see it this way because I know it’s not because I am not worthy of love, it’s not because he wanted to destroy me, its not anyone’s fault, its the reality of the nature of this illness. I don’t believe he’s a bad person at all. I don’t believe he wants to hurt people and I know for a fact he has no idea how his choices impact other people. He doesn’t understand basic human emotion and it helps me to remember that when the anger kicks in.
I am not trying to tell anyone what they should do, you are the only one who knows what’s best for you, but I did want to comment on my experience with the destruction that comes from holding onto anger and resentment. It’s not possible to get revenge on a sociopath. They have no emotion. You can’t hurt them, no one can. And honestly I wouldn’t wish that illness on my worst enemy, I feel like I’m the lucky one in the end because I can walk away and lick my wounds and I never have to feel the effects of the sociopath again. He can’t, he is stuck with it for the rest of his life. I think that’s more than enough punishment.
I was once you Alley. You sound very empathetic. I worked all of my life with homeless people. I felt bad about leaving someone who was this way. However, know that they do it deliberately. It is not just a by part of an illness, it is deliberate behaviour to manipulate, con, ruin, drain another. They do not have to do this, they have a choice. Not having a conscience, doesn’t mean you have to choose to be bad, they just choose this way. It sounds as if he has sucked you in, and you are being manipulated and controlled, ‘owned’. Believe me, if a sociopath could change and not be one …. they wouldn’t!! Have a think about that one! They think that people with emotions are weak they are able to be manipulated and controlled. They see it as a weakness. I don’t know if one you were with is one, as I don’t know enough detail of what he has done (sociopaths/psychopaths do HORRENDOUS SHOCKING things). They will ruin and destroy you. Absolutely destroy everything about you. Your finances, social networks, career, reputation, everything will be gone. Often they will not leave until everything is gone – then they move onto someone else, and use them up until everything is gone. It is a nightmare that never ends.
I want to bring to everyone’s attention that yes they’re very sick people no doubt. I married one because they’re excellent liars and manipulators and I’m a psychotherapist. They can all work in Hollywood and many do because they truly must hide who they really are because of self loathing.
However, these people are sick because of our society and what we are doing to children. This is All from childhood trauma. When we beat children. When we belittle children. When we bully children. When we emotionally abandon children. They create their own world and their brains do not develop properly. The lack of sense of self is what makes them not be empathetic. They don’t know they exist never mind that you exist. I’m trying to develop special therapies to help these people. Our world is full of them. They’re angry and hurt others because they don’t care to hurt others because of hating themselves. I do not feel sorry for them. I see a very damaged human that’s no longer human but mechanistic. They must have routines because otherwise they’re lost. I wanted a husband and partner not a robot and child. Unfortunately they’re stuck in the age of their damage. Please keep away from these people men or women they’re vicious and do not care. If they say they are sorry they are lying. They live a life of lies and manipulation and of fakeness. They’re not real. Stay away until there’s an actual cure. Their brains are so dysregulated that it would take some intensive brain therapy to help them and only if they admit they need the help. Most think you’re the one with the problem. They’re always right. Don’t waste your time energy on these people please. Just stay away, they’re truly dangerous and bad for others children especially. It’s a reality no matter how you think or look at it they’re damaged and we do not have an instant fix. I’m working on getting this off the ground but it’s a long road ahead.
Interesting. I wrote a post about this. As I often conducted surveys and would ask, what was the relationship like with the mother, and any childhood traumas? There was a psychiatrist in UK who was trying to prove that psychopathy was related to trauma. But he was shut down by others in the field.
I’ve dated garden variety narcissists and avoidant attachment style men but then there was the sociopath. What makes the sociopath stand out from the other dysfunctional men that I’ve dated was the alarming obsession over control. Today makes one day fully without him in my life. Complete no contact. I met him online five months ago. He was what I know now, playing
Well done one day. You can do this Gina. One day at a time.
I’ve dated garden variety narcissists and avoidant attachment style men but then there was the sociopath. What makes the sociopath stand out from the other dysfunctional men that I’ve dated was the alarming obsession over control. Today makes one day fully without him in my life. Complete no contact. I met him online five months ago. He was what I know now, playing the self-pity role of being hurt by an ex. This is role play along with his charming personality and good looks hooks us empaths into his web. I fell for it and sure enough, I was hooked. Love bombing came on at extreme speed and with high intensity. After one month of just phone communication, he was already confessing the soulmate BS and writing our wedding vows. I was reluctant at first due to everyone telling me he’s possibly crazy, I still went along with it. Besides love bombing, the next clue was his risky or “out of my comfort zone” sexuality. I’m not a prude but I do have strict boundaries with certain things and one is BDSM and he was obsessed with it and tried to get me to bend my boundaries with this by role playing “master” “daddy” “good girl” and bondage even blood play. I wouldn’t do anything in real life but I did cave and allowed him to be my master in communication. He also did tell me he slept with over 200 people and I suspect not just women and he’s only 30 years old. All this is pretty alarming but what was a real eye opener were two things. 1. His ability to hide his life from me and what he was doing and 2. Becoming jealous and controlling. We had a LDR and so I wasn’t aware of what he was doing day to day. He would not answer his phone or be offline hours at a time which triggered my anxiety and I would begin to research him. I spent hours browsing his name online and I did find an extensive criminal record. I also spent a lot of time researching his social media activity. He had thousands of female Instagram friends and maybe only five males. I noticed the same with Facebook, it was odd to me. By nature, I can be very defiant when someone is trying to control me and I have no problems expressing my feelings on things. So, we became a very bad toxic relationship. If I saw something inappropriate on his social media like saying to a girl “I want to eat your a**” and I would call him out on it and he would become aggressively angry and immediately punish me by a silent treatment and a block. When he thought I was done acting up and felt I was going to behave, he would talk to me again. This act of control was basically the major component of our entire relationship. He owned his life and could do whatever he wanted and he owned MY life and I couldn’t do whatever I wanted.
After on again and off again periods of our relationship, the trauma bonding grew stronger and stronger. I began to lose myself. I was depressed and anxious 24/7. I was paranoid he was cheating and lying 24/7 which he was. My friends were concerned. It was hard getting up in the morning and I began to slack on hygiene like sleeping with my makeup on (and I would never skip on my skincare routine prior to him), not washing my hair and skipping meals. I used to be obsessed with the gym and started to blow it off. I was completely transformed into a lifeless sad creature. Near the end, I knew he was seeing another woman in a different state and a lot of our fights were about his cheating and constant affairs and this new OW. The more I pushed for answers and respect, the more he tried to control me and the more sick he became. He would make comments about killing me and saying it’s not a threat, I promise you. The last time I was with him which was the last day I will ever see him, he said “If I ever catch you with another man, I will tie him up and make him watch me f*ck you and I will then I will take a knife and cut out your t*ts and a** and f*ck you with a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire.” I kind of laughed at him but he said not to laugh and he thought long and hard of what he wanted to do. Who in their right mind would tell someone they love this comment? Well, that ended the topic but then later said on few occasions that he wanted to mark me. I asked what do you mean? He said he wanted to brand me as his territory such as a tattoo above my vagina with an arrow saying “Property of Kyle.” I began to worry about the actual state of his mind and I started to realize I have no clue who this man is in front of me. Sex was pretty intense and uncomfortable for me as well. He would make comments “Does daddy need to punish you? Were you a good girl while I was gone?” “Did you touch yourself? Because you know you are not allowed to unless you asked daddy for permission.” Just weird talk during sex and the intense laser beam eye contact during the whole thing. He would not look away from my eyes. It was almost like he was trying to look into my soul. He wouldn’t break eye contact at all. He wouldn’t ask how it feels. He wouldn’t say anything nice to me. It was just do I need to be punished and the zombie eye stare. It almost felt like I was having sex with a demon. He just appeared possessed and robotic. As the night progressed and as the alcohol was hitting me, I was growing very concerned of how the hell he was. I began to realize that I need to get away for good and that I was scared for the first time of what he might do if I ever take away all of his control over me. What if he did come to find me and kill me? He knows where I live when he leaves and goes back home. He owns guns, he’s military trained. He’s a sociopath with control issues. He even admitted early on that he uses sex to control his life because without it, he has completely no control over it. So today is day one of complete no contact. Today is a quiet day. It feels like I’m mourning something. I feel sadness and relief yet alone and scared. He always told me that he loved and hated me. He hated me because he knew he couldn’t love me the way I deserved and he would admit that. He hated me because I wouldn’t back down and I kept on trying to take control back from him. He hated me because I could just never be a dumb little good girl and follow his rules. He hated me because I saw right through him and I scared him.
Thank you for sharing! Even though my story wasn’t exactly the same as yours or was eerily similar! I cannot believe still that these people exist! I wish for you peace healing and most of all strength and courage to overcome this mind fuck!!! 💜💔
I met a guy on vacation . We exchanged numbers and kept in touch he love bombed me, I thought all the declarations and wanting a commitment so quickly were odd, but I discarded and thought “maybe this is really how he feels” haha. Pffff ya right. He knew what he was doing. He wanted to come live with me in my country and “start a new life”. And disguised it under the name of love. So many subtle signs that I let slide. I learned from this experience that when things are off (even just a little bit), i will immediately cut the person out. No use in looking for answers. Cause I certainly got all the answers I needed and more. I went back to visit him in his country a few months later. Such a charming man oh yes confident and everyone loves him. And then one night he gave me the stare. You know the “I will kill you look” ? Nice. I didn’t sleep all night I was terrified of the person I was with. The next day I told him I wasn’t feeling well because of the previous night and that I wanted to leave, and he was all wanting to take care of me…How sweet..
And then he asked me if always had such problems with my mind? Lol at this point I knew what he was doing.
Anyways I stayed another day but had another dreadful night where I saw glimpses of his rage and he tried to intimidate me again. At this point I was no longer even phased because the night before I had lived the terror and deception of realising that this man was not who I thought he was at all. I left while he was sleeping the next morning. Blocked him every place and will never turn back. I’m glad I got out before it went any deeper. Ladies, please protect yourselves first. It becomes more and more difficult as time goes by. The sooner the better my sweeties…
I was terrified to leave that morning. I prayed to God and my angels to guide me to the right way of leaving him. I didn’t want to humiliate him in front of all his colleagues and such. These guys need to keep the good face and that’s what I attempted to do but I knew i had to leave somehow. One of the things going through my mind those 2 sleepless nights was an analogy my mom gave me when I was younger, she would tell us “fear makes small obstacles appear big, sometimes you will see a big wildfire only to realise once you’ve walked through it, that it was only paper all along”. This is what gave me the courage. Do not let fear control you my sweeties, please. You have your instinct, you have your feelings, your heart, a support system? and if you ask the universe or god or your angels or anyone to help you on your path. I promise you they will. I got help from up above. I managed to get a seat on the next airplane leaving the island. I told the girl I was running from someone and if there is anything she can do to please let me on the next flight. And the beautiful human being did. By the grace of God, he was actually sleeping and didn’t wake up when I grabbed my stuff and left. It’s terrorizing. But you can take your life back. And please no one dare blame yourselves. No shame. No guilt. Shit happens to all of us and we do not control everything. Walk through that fire my loves, you will look back and see it was only paper.
With so much love and light,
Take care
Beautiful comment. Thank you.
I checked it out. I’m law enforcement. Even if I weren’t, it very easy to do a general background investigation before letting a stranger live with you. He’s an idiot and I’m seeing the importance of him living with somebody. He’s immature and I sometimes felt more like a mother who talked common sense into him. As far as I know, he met her after I left, but I think he may have had her in mind as backup if I left him. We went through a serious argument at the end and I think he was preparing for my departure or vice versa. She does have mental disturbances(he called her con and nut job), legal issues and has been married to abusive men. She likely thinks she met a prince(he’s a covert narc) and, boy, is he going to do a 180 real soon. It didn’t take him long to secure her. She’s completely dependent on him for a home and money, that’s the reason. I refused to merge bank accounts or sell my home, so I wasn’t secured yet(with him four years) which resulted in ultimatums and anger outbursts towards the end. Perhaps he’s already at that stage with her and she’s fighting back. Idk, I accepted a lot of his quirks and controlling behavior due to them not bothering me much. They didn’t violate my boundaries or trigger me. May be different from her perspective. I told him I’m not getting in the middle of another woman’s relationship, so he can’t return to me. He said he has made a complete mess of his life. I agreed and told him to get therapy. His first wife left him, I left him, now this woman he’s known a few months is the problem. He’ll discard her as soon as he can trade up. He has told me he was just lonely and she was convenient. Referring to a human being as “convenient” sounds indicative of narcissism. I can no longer miss the writing on the wall. I was love bombed, discarded, replaced, now already hoovered. If he’s not a narcissist, I don’t know which other disorder would manifest in these behaviors. His mother and brother are badly bipolar. However, it wouldn’t explain the relationship phases. Not that I’m aware of, anyway. He needs a psychiatrist in my honest opinion.