Is he/she a sociopath?


These are the main character traits as outlined by Robert Hare

Factor 1: Personality “Aggressive narcissism”
Glibness/superficial charm
Grandiose sense of self-worth
Pathological lying
Cunning/manipulative
Lack of remorse or guilt
Shallow affect (genuine emotion is short-lived and egocentric)
Callousness; lack of empathy
Failure to accept responsibility for his or her own actions

Factor 2: Case history “Socially deviant lifestyle.”
Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom
Parasitic lifestyle
Poor behavioral control
Lack of realistic long-term goals
Impulsivity
Irresponsibility
Juvenile delinquency
Early behavior problems
Revocation of conditional release

Robert Hare thought that Factor 1 traits will always be present, whilst factor 2 traits can improve with age.

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135 thoughts on “Is he/she a sociopath?

  1. Hi, new to this site and looking for validation…I’ll try to keep my story brief.
    I met my SP (if that’s what he is?) on a dating site in March 2015..initially things were great, he asked me to be his girlfriend very quickly, closely followed by the first I love you. He was very secretative with his phone, alwyas had it on silent…and then one day I checked it to find numerous texts, whatsapps etc from different females…including one whom he had met just the night before for their first date! I ended it, not really understanding why he would have done this.
    Roll on six months later I suddenly get a text out of the blue…not sure why but I agreed to meet up and then the wooing really began in earnest…his excuse for past behaviour was that he wasn’t sure that I was really interested and didn’t want to get hurt. I fell for every word and within the matter of a few weeks he persuaded me to move in with him, and two months later proposed.
    Things were great, he was constantly telling me he loved me, buying me little gifts, keen to get the wedding booked etc. he was open with his phone and told me to check if whenever I wanted saying that he had lost me once and he would never do anything to jealadise us again. I always had a instinct that something was just not quite right about him but couldn’t put my finger on what.
    In Nov 2015 I was admitted to hospital suddenly and signed off work for two months and within that time I saw a diffirent side….arguments would start and he would continue them for days, with either silent treatment or angry intimidating conversations…I sat in front of him sobbing, asking him to stop, explains that it was making my condition worse, but he just wouldn’t let up. After four of these situations in the matter of weeks I left to stay with a friend, and have told him last weekend it is over and now just have to pick up my stuff. His initial reaction was ‘your stuff will be on the lawn tomorrow’ but then it changed to him being nice again now and saying that he understands what I need to do this for my health.
    I am so confused if I am doing the right thing? Does he sound like a SP? He started to blame me for everything in the arguements, would take no blame himself and accused me of putting everyone in front of him, be it work, and friends….some of whom he has made me loose contact with. I am confused as to whether this is control and manipulation, or just his need to be loved? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

    1. i would just like to add it seems pretty common, or at least in my opinion and personal experience that there is no quicker way to start developing health problems than having a sociopath in your life. they are toxic especially to those who are chosen as their targets who havent learned how to deal with them (i know , why would anyone , right ? well they are people too) and establish boundaries.

    2. Hang in there,,and read up on narcissistic behaviors,,cluster b personality etc. I am in the healing process right now,,and I would wish this on no one except him. They kick you when you are down,,then act if you were the one who f’d up
      I feel like a complete and utter fool. They are predators and know who to target. They go on a recon mission to find our weaknesses and use them against us. It is them ,,never believe it’s you,,,,you are the sane one. God bless you .

  2. Serenity,

    Anytime someone belittles, controls, manipulates, intimidates, etc. it is emotional abuse. If he has isolated you from friends and family, this is a huge warning flag. It is a control tactic that you should take very seriously. It is not just his need to be loved, it is his need to control and manipulate you. Please, call an abuse hotline, 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) They can help you find services, counseling, or just someone to help you put things into perspective. It will not get better, emotional abuse can lead to physical abuse. One way or another, you need break away from him. Don’t argue, it won’t change,

  3. I believe that I was dating a sociopath. She nails almost every criteria. Except for continued contact. Aside from a little credit card fraud. but then again it’s only been just over a month. Do you think that maybe after removing her mask and fucking me over so hard she just knows I would not respond.

    1. I don’t know Douglas, they often will resurface – a bit later maybe not a month, it could be six months or less. Often this is for their own ego purposes. if you don’t contact them, to see how you are getting on. And…. this sounds sick, but if they can come back and do it to you again – they will. Sometimes they wait for you to rebuild your assets then get back in touch so be aware of that one!

  4. Agreed. I just left mines for good. But it has been very hard to stay away because he texts me once he realize I haven’t and tell him how I’m not going anywhere and he loves me. However, today was the last straw because I refuse to go through this again and again. He shows no emotions to the pain hes caused and the first thing that comes out his mouth is…I’m too emotional. I need to chill because I be bugging and acting funny. I have caught him in sooo many lies that I have gotten to the point were I just be mute, none responsive. And then when I finally say something it a indirect sarcastic response trying to let him know I know he’s lying but instead he over looks it and continue to lie. Ughhh!!! For me this is fresh, I only been with him for 6mos and the reason it has escalated so quickly into me finding out is because I been though it for 2yrs with a man that caused me to lose everything until I was homeless. So now I’m seeing it almost instantaneously but trying not to compare is what kept me in till now. So I understand when you say, caring and sensitively, kind, loving, all that an the above. But I talked to his mother today and found out his dad did her that way and she told me to RUN!!! She said, take care of you and your kids…I know he is my son but I’m not going to be on his side in he wrong, he is not going to change he even lies to me, and I know he lying because of what she been though and on top of it she married to one now and been with him for 60yrs.She’s very wise in knowledgeable of her sons condition and if I dont take her advice I deserve everything I get from here on out.

  5. Hi new to the site.
    I dated wat I know as SP for almost 7yrs.a yr ago I found out that he was still married for 10 yr, had me for 6 yrs, another woman for 7 months and another around the corner from my house for 2weeks, all hell broke loose. He took me to court, wanted a restraining order against me but I won.
    Dragged me through the mud did everything he possible cud to hurt and destroy me. And me being the Nic person I am took him back cos he cried crocodile tears I feld sorry for him. Long story short his now ex wife and I are friends dealing with getting over him. He’s since has blocked and deleted me saying I’m the one causing all the problem, he’s gone back to the 7th month women cos like she says to both his ex and I she’s the one that gets him. We crazy bitches, I told her he is a sp but she believes nothing. So just have to sit by n watch her get wats coming. I think I’m over him almost I sit some days and cannot believe I didn’t see it.wat I cannot understand is he made me realize my dream. Wen I met him I wanted my own house and car. 5 years later I moved into my house and
    I bought my Merc just before I can find out about the real him so why did he help me do this, he’s a sp that I know for sure but why do this??? It’s strange can I get a answer? Ok he has taken alot of my money and recently I managed to take some of his..lol don’t know what I got that right.I’ve lost 7 yrs of my life ..all I can do is move on and hopefully I will learn to trust again…to all the strong women out there…u beautiful and kind and loving know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.Loraine

  6. I know now I was dating a sociopath. In the beginning he was all about me. He would tell me I’m the one. And love like this doesn’t come along in someone’s lifetime but maybe once. I met him on a dating site. I was living in Washington State. He was living in California at the time. I just got out of a relationship a few months before I met him. So I was vulnerable. I am also a very open person. So he definitely saw this as an opportunity to prey on my emotions and tell me exactly what I wanted to hear. We met 2 times and he was already head over heals in love with me. I ended up telling him I loved him after he pushed and pushed making me feel guilty that I wasn’t in love with him yet, when he was absolutely in love with me. I was in the process of starting a new life , but put my life on hold to move in with him. It went down hill from there. I moved in with him in 2010. We broke up and got back together 3 times. I finally left a week ago. I couldn’t take anymore of the white lies, emotional abuse, and sexual abuse. He wasn’t the aggressive type. He was always calm, cool, and collected. Until I would get upset with him about being distant emotionally and sexually in the relationship. He would get angry that I was figuring him out. And either play the silent treatment with me or say I don’t want to talk about it now. Let’s talk in the morning. And of course that conversation would never come the next day. He was a millionare at one time in his life but lost it all when he had a anuriysm at 35 and his partner took most all the money they made together. when I met him he was renting a room out of someone’s house and only had a bike to get him around. I had tough times in my life and just looked over that. But everything I am reading about sociopaths fits him and my experience to a T. I never even thought about the word sociopath until I was driving back home to Texas. It just popped up in my mind and presented itself to me. An aha moment for sure!

  7. I am currently. Going through this horrible. Experience with a sp I am currently trapped and cannot leave nor can I ask for any assistance from local law enforcement agencies. FOr fear of my life and the life of my animal 20 lb dog unregistered service animal my resources are extremely limited. I Am in the Los Angeles area

  8. I wonder who exactly the guy I dated online for a few months is: a sociopath? A narcissist? A schizophrenic? A narcopath?
    I know his stepdaughter tends to think he is pure manic on the bi-polar scale with psychpathic tendencies, but to me he sounds like a typical socipath with some schizophrenic traits..
    If someone could give me your opinion, I will be very grateful… ( I do apologize for any mistakes that may occur in my story, I am not a native English speaker …)
    What hidden agenda did this guy have? To find a shelter, a warm bed and a woman in it as a special bonus, or perhaps he needed a relationship as an island of stability in his totally chaotic life?

    W contacted me via Facebook last October. As an active member of many fan groups dedicated to music I post quite a lot of stuff. He was just added to one of the groups, saw my postings , liked them and sent me a private message.
    He sounded funny, witty and smart, so I decided to continue our conversation. I was a separated woman so I said – well, who knows?
    W. asked me to send him a couple of photos and provided me with a few of his. He was a good-looking, handsome and sporty type of a man of 70, but did not look older than 60. A retired and divorced nurse, with adult kids living all over the country.
    When he saw my photos, his reaction was, “Exactly what I imagined…”
    Soon we were chatting on Messenger for three, four, sometimes six hours on a daily basis. I started to become addicted to our chats I must admit…

    On the fifth day he said he had fallen in love with me. Proposed to me on day six.
    I got very suspicious and cautious; I thought, ” How on hell could this guy fall in love with you knowing NOTHING about you??” We could not even meet in person, for he lives in Canada and I live in Central Europe…

    W. was very smart with words. When he dropped his first L- bomb I said ,”Look, I don´t like big words.You don´t know me and I know nothing about you” He immediately replied, ” Oh, Canada is such a big country! We use a lot of big words here”. He always seemed to have the perfect answer to just anything I might doubt or distrust.
    In a few days he started showering me with flattery, affection, attention( ” I am here for you 24/7″). I thought to myself , ” This guy must be making fun of you”, so I took it lightly and just played the game to see what was going to happen next. After a short time he made me feel there was a strong connection between us in spite of 8,300 km of distance; he was always able to sense how I was feeling in that particular moment – sad, excited, upset, happy, depressed. Whenever I was depressed, he immediately phoned me to cheer me up. I said to myself, “Wow.. if this guy is able to sense how you feel from that huge distance, what might he be able to do if he was here with you?”
    It was just amazing and … magical! Yes, I felt that way. I was the love of his life. The reason for his life. He loved me more than life itself.
    After several days he started being more and more pushy, so I said I loved him too, and when he proposed to me I accepted, actually still taking it all as a good joke.
    But then, one day I suddenly saw a long post on his Facebook page announcing all his friends and family he had found “the one ” and “special” woman, was ready to commit to her and relocate to Europe!
    I could see a lot of comments made by his ex-wife, his sons and stepdaughter congratulating him and wishing both of us a lot of good luck…
    I have to admit I was perplexed, my mouth almost fell on the floor. Literally.
    After he had posted his announcement along with a photo of me, his flattery and attention were almost endless, I could hardly take a breath.
    I knew W was divorced and homeless living in his small car, so I got suspicious he might be just one of those losers who had nothing to lose anymore, but were trying to gain a lot.
    He must have sensed my doubts because that moment he asked me , “Do you have any doubts about me?”. I replied, ” Do you expect me to support you financially?”. He said no.
    I read in one of his earlier posts on FB he did not fancy the idea of paying high rents for expensive rooms or houses, so he decided to live in his car and save up for a motorhome. Alright, it made sense to me. He was receiving his regular pension, so it was was not an unemployed guy with zero income after all.
    Our daily chats were still great, however… from time to time something strange appeared. Now and then W. sounded very childish and immature, he seemed to be living in a childish fantasy world.
    Once we were roleplaying a situation I was not very comfortable with ( it involved some quite graphic sex) and said, “Hey, watch out…sorry, a red flag”. That moment he got offended, said “Bye” and quit the conversation.
    I think any normal person would apologize and promise not to do it again. He did not. The next day he sent me an email saying the thing he hated the most was “changing rules in the middle of the playing field”, how I “floored him” with my comment, how he must have misjudged me, wishing me good luck in the future and using expressions such as, “God bless you “, etc. and telling me how he will hold me in his heart forever. How he hates to have to say goodbye to me for good, but there is nothing else he could do…. I was reading this message thinking, “WTF? Is he making fun of me , trying to manipulate something, or what? This was just a GAME and a pretty silly one. We were not discussing the best strategy for the key operation in Iraq!” . I replied explaining I had no idea about his “top hates” explaining to me his reaction was completely disproportional to the situation – and suddenly I found myself on the defensive end of the conversation stick apologizing for hurting his feelings! I also asked if he thought he was really healthy and normal ( which I assume any average person would find quite offensive , but he did not). He admitted in his family there used to be some mental issues, his mom suffered from schizophrenia, his dad was a heavy alcoholic and his brother had some mental problems which eventually led to his suicide, so who knows. This incident kept me pretty alerted, to tell the truth. All the time I had a feeling there must be something wrong with that man, but I just could not put my finger on it.
    W. scheduled his relocation for September 2016. His plan was to drive and move slowly all across Canada visiting his relatives and friends to say goodbye to all of them. In August he was planning to reach Toronto, sell the car, purchase his flight ticket and arrive to live with me for good.
    But In December 2015 he decided he could not possibly live without me any longer. He wanted to relocate as soon as possible and rescheduled his flight for January 2016. Instead of being happy as a kid on Christmas Day I got really scared. I thought, ” Man, this is moving too fast!” . Especially when he added, ” I was thinking hard where to get the money for my flight ticket because in January and February I will still need to pay some bills in Canada. I was thinking… and – I got a brilliant idea! Who cares about paying some stupid bills! And I do not intend to return to Canada anymore. Now , I have the money and I can be with my baby in January!”
    I was thrown off balance, totally. What kind of person is the man who fails to honour his financial obligations??
    However, I said nothing to him.To be honest, I was still convinced he was making fun of me….
    On the day of his scheduled arrival I went to the airport and was waiting in the arrival lounge. And when he suddenly turned up, I got incredibly emotional!
    I ran up to him, hugged and kissed him saying, ” So you did come indeed! I can´t believe my eyes!!” But… his reaction was strange. He was somewhat indifferent, only kissed me saying, “Hi, baby” and immediately made his way to the exit. I could see a stupid smile on his face and felt something was… not quite right.
    We were travelling to my home by bus and all the way he was talking to the people around flirting with the women who happened to be sitting close enough. I was now something like a live accessory. Strange. In my flat the situation was similar. So talkative on Messenger, he said hardly anything to me. I started showing him things in my flat as I expected he would be interested in everything in a foreign country – and supposedly his new home. But he could hardly keep attention on anything for a longer time, a few minutes and he was distracted, not noticing what I was telling him anymore. He moved on to the next thing. And the next one.
    In bed he was good in spite of suffering from PED, however… it was about him being satisfied with his performance rather than making a genuine effort to please me. It did not feel quite right.
    In a couple of days he started criticising : my flat ( cold, small, sub-standard), the city ( ugly, boring, all buildings look the same – he could not understand why foreign tourists loved it, blah, blah). He could not live in such a country, this not a home for him. Prices are too high. Music ” consumes” me. In bed I was too quiet. He wanted me to be louder and talk dirty to him. He made it clear to me he must be my # 1 prority, as he had only come here for me and all his time, his devotion and his money were mine now, anything else – my job,interests, passions, friends must be my priorities number 9, 15 or 29. He is my Number One now. .

    I went to work and left him alone for several hours on the first day. He made lunch, took my dogs out and fed them, all was ready when I returned. I was impressed. Second day the situation repeated, the third day he probably came to a conclusion he had made a great first impression and that was just enough – and stopped doing things. A petty thing made him offended, he did not cook anymore, I took the dogs for a walk. He either went out with me or not, depending on his mood and my behaviour. . Started to be moody and hurt easily. Gave me silent treatment twice ( I just ignored him whenever he did it). I began to walk on eggshells not sure what might set him off. Everything he did was “my way or the highway” . No compromises, no respect to my wishes, wants or needs.
    He started making hundreds of plans – once he wanted this, next minute something else. Ordered me like a boss- do this, find this website, look up this information. Next minute all plans were forgotten and he had another idea. In fact, I got an impression he did not know what he really wanted or where he was going .
    After nine days we had an argument. He wanted me and the dogs to relocate to … New Zealand! And expected me to leave everything behind – drop my job, this flat, my hobbies, everything and walk out with one bag – just like him. I could hardly believe my ears! I asked , “And what about my pension in the future? ” He said, “Oh, don´t worry baby! My pension will be sufficient for both of us. Before I die, I will make sure you will be living comfortably after my death.”
    I said no, I was not going anywhere. He got pissed off, went online and said he had booked his flight ticket to Auckland. Then he grabbed his bag with the few things he owned ( a couple of items of clothing, a very old towel and a toothbrush – all his wordly possessions) and walked out to a hostel.

    A few days later I got an email from him saying he was still in the hostel waiting for his plane back to Canada. He wrote it in a very sad, pitiful manner and I immediately got an impression he was trying to manipulate me into feeling sorry he was leaving so that I would take him back home. I did not, and he flew back to Toronto to stay with his younger son.
    In his email he wrote he was fully aware of the fact he was responsible for the failure of our relationship as he was unable to “cope with my passion for the dogs and world of music. Maybe a better man could handle this”.
    However, I figured out later on the same day he also emailed his ex-wife, but the version was totally different : I did not want him here, as my dogs and the world of music were more important to me than the relationship with him!

    When he left, I got in touch with his ex-wife to ask her what I had done wrong. She said that for sure nothing at all, it was most definitely him. In their 30 years of marriage W. was very self-centered, controlling and manipulative. They moved 31 times all across Canada. Before marrying her W. had already been married twice, each relationship failed.
    According to her friends she was the one who kept W. stable for so long, as she is extremely patient and tolerant. However, their second bakruptcy together was the last straw and she decided she was better off on her own divorced from him. She said W. could not manage or save money; he did not know how to manage money. He lived pension to pension. If he wanted something he did not care how this would get paid, for he just went and did it. And expected other people to pay. In this way he has been bankrupt at least five times in his life!
    She said W. had probably overwhelmed me with his outlandish fantasies trying to spend money that did not exist, he did not even have enough money for his way back home and his son had to lend him some. His ex-wife also fell for his incredible charm and fell in love with a warm, caring and smart guy who later changed his colours like a chameleon and turned out to be self-centered, uncaring, disrespectful and controlling.

    This has probably been the strangest experience in my entire life. I think now I will be extremely cautious and careful when meeting a new man. Sad, but I will not trust anyone as fast as I used to anymore. And I will double check any potential mate!
    But I think we all have been there…

    1. The truth is you may never know Lena. A diagnosis is simply an opinion and a label. People are rarely born with labels. You know what you need to know…. this jackass hurt your heart, caused you pain.

    2. It is like they are on their own planet. How impulsive they are. How they can seem kind and caring and then switch in an instant? … it also sounds like he has enablers in his ex wife and children. They cant be on their own.

      1. I have a feeling they live in a completely different universe and dimension. It is impossible to have a normal, sensible conversation with them or make an ordinary arrangement which is what every normal person does every day and almost automatically.
        One example of such a reasonable and meaningful conversation I have experienced with Mr S :
        – He : ” Please apply for your pension.”
        – Me : ” Would love to, but you know, I still need thirteen years of work as well as thirteen years of age to be able to.”
        – He : ” You are entitled, so do it.”
        – Me : ” How can I be entitled when I do not satisfy the conditions ?”
        – He : ” Why don´t you submit your application and see? ”
        – Me : ” I know the conditions perfectly well. You can find them on the website, read in every newspaper, hear on TV. it is no use trying, nobody would accept my application 13 years prior to the retirement!What´s the point of trying?”
        – He : ” Why are you always making excuses why not to do something instead of finding ways how to make it happen ??”

        I could describe lots of such great conversations. At the end I was always blamed for making excuses for not doing impossible things or meeting unrealistic and outlandish expectations.
        He did not understand why I was living “small” – that I do not earn much money and have to live below means and save as much as possible in case of emergency. He did not get it. And lots of such things. They are like some robots or androids who can´t even understand everyday situations. Idiots.

      2. Hurrah thank you for sharing this lena. Exactly this type of head spinning brain washing bullshit…. the lose lose and impossible scenario that they come up with. They do this deliberately. I think i wrote a post sociopath impossible scenario.

  9. Ive just come out of a relationship with a sociopath (4weeks ago) I only realised what he was because he looked syraight through me walking past me in the street a couple of weeks ago, like he really didnt give a toss. Its opened my eyes, ive known him years. Its another power game for them ignoring, it fucks with your head. 1 in 25 people are sociopaths. Im starting to question everyone i know, meet or walk past now as they truly are frightening people. Shells walking around capable of anything because the liturally feel no guilt, have no concious and every word or story is virtually a lie and they will never feel bad about anything they do, never saying sory, getting their kicks out of a parasitic life leeching off you and making you twist around their little finger.

    So single is something I intend to be for some time.

  10. I am wondering if I am married to a sociopath? Long story but I met her at work and it was a bit of a whirlwind romance and she quickly got pregnant (we both wanted kids). However, I quickly learned that everything was all about her (I put it down to the pregnancy) and prioritized her above everything else – even above my father who was struck down by prostate cancer from which he died a few months after our daughter was born.
    She has some of the traits listed – she has a grandiose opinion of herself, coupled with an inferiority complex. She has a really bad temper – we have 2 girls now – and she flies off the handle a lot and is always complaining that she is too tired or doesn’t deserve to have noise/mess/whining (typical kids stuff) in the house.

    She is passive aggressive – silent treatment, semi-audible muttering, asking what she is going to do while I am watching other tv, listening to music – anything not involving her.

    You cannot have a conversation with her where it is not turned around to what she does or did. She gives the impression she is competing with you – she has to get to work on time, she is super busy at work, she is so tired.

    I run around doing my best to keep things on an even keel – I do all the household chores but not to her standards.I come home to a messy house and it because she has been ‘demented’ by the kids. She comes home to mess and she’ll soon be muttering about it, making a big deal of clearing up so she can ‘think straight’.

    This sums it up quite neatly – i’d put some cereal in her breakfast bowl for her in the mornings but was repeatedly told I put too much in. So now I merely get a bowl out for her to pour her own. Then I was told that I never prepare her cereal – I told her the reason, which was denied by her. Everything is thrown back in my face – now I am feeling isolated as if I accept invitations to see my friends (including as a couple/family) I fear I will be told (again) that we always see my friends when can she see hers – I make a point of never standing in the way of her going out/away anything.

    She claims she has separation anxiety and doesn’t like to be apart from me – and she says it is only natural to want to spend time as a couple. To be fair she was was married previously and was widowed, so I can see where that comes from. But to say she has been through that – when my dad died she was completely unsympathetic, even asking me how long must I have to be talking to my mum on the phone everyday weeks after he had died.

    I fear for the kids in that they will see her behaviour as normal – plus, if I leave then I will face having them for only 50% of the time, leaving them alone with her without my moderating influence the other 50%.

    I am not perfect as a person – but I am pretty laid back, and I am not one for conflict so I find it hard to find an appropriate way of behaving when she is being unreasonable. My heart feels like it races all the time and I constantly wake up in a cold sweat. I don’t know what to do.

    1. lol but not really funny it just dawned on me how one of the biggest traits or giveaways of , well, being manipulative at the very least , and all the other charachter defects in between up to totalling in being a damn sociopath is those dramatic english terms ( which i cant recall the grammatical term)
      but basically using those words like
      you NEVER
      OR you ALWAYS
      the reason its funny is because now i see through it but keep in mind children , some not all lol will use those catch phrases manipulatively.
      I prefer verbal integrity and it drives me nuts when the suspected Sociopath time and time again will do that same crap to me.
      notice i didnt say always. but then again maybe i just have way too good of a memory or something. Call em out on it when you catch that in that moment. A lot of this is done subconciously , thats how bad these habits are. could be environmental but i think we need to slap them (not physically) but call it as you see it – but do it in love first. This way if they actually care they stand a chance to grow , if not , well then slap them upside the head i dunno.

  11. Did I date a sociopath?

    It all started in 2015 when a girl that I’ve met briefly the year before contacted me over Whatsapp. She asked to meet up, and I obviously said yes.

    We met up in one of my favorite cocktail bars, and the first thing I noticed which was a bit weird was that she kept looking into my eyes me non-stop. When there was a silence, she kept on looking into my eyes. When I talk to someone I usually look into peoples eyes, which is normal. Back then I didn’t pay too much attention to it.

    I met her a few times more before I asked her to be my girlfriend. I usually don’t ask that seeing it happens naturally, but I had no idea what her intentions were. I was not really to commit either seeing my life was perfect, travel a lot for work to exotic locations, great friends, single etc. I felt also that there was something dodgy going on. I asked her if she had a boyfriend, because I have a strong feeling she had one. She said no, but one year later I found out that she was still dating another guy while she was with me. The other guy was living in a different country (relocated), but still. I had this feeling from the beginning, I’m in Sales so I can read people relatively easy.

    She became my girlfriend, and from that moment everything went downhill. I will sum up some of the situations where she has put me in:

    • She invited me to the opening of bar from a guy where she had a crush on. She only invited me to make that guy jealous;
    • He former best friend told she slept with another guy. I’m still not sure if it is true, but I assume it is seeing her friend gave me a lot of detailed information. My ex always denied it;
    • She is a professional, but she had to take an exam for work. She failed, and blamed it on me and broke up with me;
    • She does volunteering during the weekend. Something really bad happened (the organization where she worked for had to cover it up). She had hired a lawyer to defend her case. She never showed any remorse, and again she blamed it on me. I had nothing to do with, I don’t do any charity work;
    • She encouraged some of her friends to ignore their boyfriends;
    • She applied for a new job, and asked me if I could introduce her to one of the Directors (of course she was super friendly). I couldn’t do that, seeing my friend knows how she is to me and they would never hire a person like that. She was so angry when I told her that I couldn’t help her, she ran out of the taxi to the police and saying I was stalking her. They after she came back with an “apology”;
    • She applied for another at a company where I know people, and they said to me that they will not hire her seeing she doesn’t fit in the team. She had 5 interviews and none of the people liked her, she was too arrogant;
    • We had plans to spend Christmas Eve together, she picked up a fight which resulted that I spend my Christmas Eve alone. During the fight I said to her ‘I’m done with you, good luck with your life’. After one hour she was calling and texting me, I ignored her for a week. In the end I gave in, and gave it another chance. I know, stupid of me;
    • None of my friends or family liked her from day 1;
    • She disappeared for hours, with the excuse that she was studying, sleeping, or her phone was not working (I know that her phone has problems, so don’t think that was a lie).
    • She was always saying that she was the best in everything; she has a better job, etc. Example, she told me she could ski, so we planned a skiing trip. She sucked in skiing, I don’t think she ever had done it before. Same with her job, she is very mediocre in what she is doing. She is intelligent, but in a different way;
    • Telling me I have to ‘excel’ myself with work;
    • Telling me her future husband has to be a politician with a lot of power;
    • Last week she broke up for because I triggered her. She blocked my number for two week, and she video called me yesterday for my bday. I picked up, yep once more I acted like a weak guy. I told that I’m at the office and I cant call. I called het back after my bday drinking bash party, she didn’t pick up.

    I always thought she was a good person, just young and wild. Yesterday a recruiter told me that they couldn’t place her seeing she has ‘sociopathic’ behavior. After I got back home, I was reading some article about sociopathic behavior, and she does seem to have some characteristics of a sociopath.

    My friends were telling for more than a year to ditch her, I always told them that I know her better, and she has a good hearth. I’ve been always a very (over) confident person, I know I’m not ugly, good job, etc. but she made me feel bad about myself. Friends were telling me since last year, that I don’t look happy, less energetic, etc. If I was still confident, I wouldn’t haven come to this website.

    I deleted her number, all conversations, etc. I can’t go back to her under any circumstances. I was thinking about some revenge, but don’t want to lower my level, although I know how to trigger her. In a way I got my revenge, seeing she didn’t get a job at company where I know some people. I’m afraid I will contact her in the next coming days.

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