Compulsive lying


Catching the sociopath in the lie

A sociopath hates to be confronted about their lies. The lie is their cover. It is the cloak that a sociopath wears as a mask to the outside world. A sociopath hides behind its lies. Lies give them power. It gives the power to manipulate and deceive. Sociopaths take pleasure from manipulating people.

liar

The most important thing to a sociopath is CONTROL. A sociopath hates to lose control.   When you confront a sociopath about a lie, when you have gained the evidence, and confront them, they will do the following.

1. Change the subject

2. Become angry

3. Deflect (well what about x y z)?

They will REFUSE to confess to the lie. And will do anything to protect the lie. The lie is their friend. It is behind the lie that they feel safe.

And if you dare accuse the sociopath of something that they DIDN’T do. Because after all of the lies, you quite rightfully do not trust them, who would? They will go on and on and on about how you accused them of something that they didn’t do. They will repeat this for weeks. When it is something that they have done however, they will be keen not to discuss the matter again. If you accuse them of something that they didn’t do, and they prove this to you, they will use your poor judgement over and over as evidence that they are now telling the truth. ‘but you got that wrong, remember, you always accuse me of things that I do not do’. Sociopaths are great at deflection.

Everyone tells lies every now and again. White lies ‘Sorry I am late…..’ to your boss or ‘I can’t come to xxx because xxx’…. we all do this. Normally this is to get us out of trouble, or to prevent hurting someone’s feelings.

A sociopath however is different. A sociopath tells lies habitually, pathologically. What this means is that they lie all of the time. Most of what they say is not the truth. They lie to manipulate and deceive. They always have an agenda. When they are lying they have no care about your welfare, or your needs. They are simply thinking of their own selfish needs.

A sociopath will tell lies about everything. From what they ate for breakfast, to how much money they have, to what happened in their past. They will tell the most incredible lies. There is a saying ‘the bigger the lie, the more believable it is’ a sociopath would think nothing of telling you that somebody was dying of cancer (even themselves) if it suited their own needs.They would make up that they had a job, leave the house every day be out of the house all day. For no particular reason. They lie when often it would be far easier to tell the truth.   There is no sense to it. They do not  think ‘obviously this lie will be found out’ this doesn’t matter. What is important is using the lie to get what they want.

They like to win. They like to get what they want.  They will lie and betray your  trust, to use you, and to get what they want from you.

Also see https://datingasociopath.com/2013/02/27/dupers-delight-and-the-joy-of-conning-someone/

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23 thoughts on “Compulsive lying

    1. Yep lying, then more lying to protect the lies….

      But don’t forget if you accuse them of something that they haven’t done, then this becomes absolute proof, that you got it wrong last time, so I MUST be telling the truth today!! 🙂

  1. My sociopath lied about everything! He was constantly telling elaborate stories about everything – we were together for only 5 months (thank God someone took pity on me and sent me a copies of all his criminal records) and during that time he got assaulted by a customer (no sign of injury), had a blowout on the interstate, had two wrecks in his work truck (no sign of damage to the truck) and the wife of his best friend (neither of whom I ever met) died. After we broke up and I began communicating with the other woman I found out that he’d told her he’d had a wreck in his personal truck (he didn’t) and after we broke up he told me that the best friend had committed suicide. The week we broke up the best friend killed himself, his uncle died, and he was in the hospital no less than three times.

    While we were together anytime I found some reason not be with him – even my lingerie shower (yes were already getting married) – something terrible would always happen to him… he’d fall down the stairs, fall in the bathtub, that night he cut his finger and almost bled to death.

  2. this is so incredibly true about the lying. i still cant comprehend how someone can beat you down so much about something you are right about and make you feel insane, while they are staring you in the face and lying to you the entire time. im trying to get to a point where i find it funny and make fun of him about how ridiculous it all is. i told him i enjoyed his most recent “performance”, but that he isnt going to win an oscar anytime soon. i also told him hes wasting his energy on me because you cant posdibly lie to the same person forever because they eventually figure out the game and it gets boring. that was my attempt to play his game with his rules and confuse him a bit. so i know he is trying to figure out another approach to me right now. what scares me is that if i let my guard down at all.. i will get surprised by something i havent thought he could do.

    1. A game with someone to whom the game is the goal is a losing proposition. Not only might you be surprised, you mind find yourself in unexpected danger you didn’t think possible.

      I believe my soc has changed his # again. The reason I believe this is because I texted him to not sit outside my house in his automobile. I don’t know if it was him or something associated with him, but his auto is unusual so, conspicuous. When I came out of my house yesterday to get mail, the person in the auto stepped on the brake, started the ignition and left. A little coincidental?

      This morning, there were tracks up my driveway in the snow. I do not know where they ended.

      Like you, I played, thinking he was harmless. Even a restraining order won’t help with someone with intent, a devious mind, and nothing really to lose. Something for you to think about.

  3. It’s strange seeing all these comments. I’m obviously living with one of these men. How do I get to see a criminal record? I do think he has one for fraud. Most of his stories he has proved one way or another but I know he doesn’t work for MI5 or 6 like he says cos he’s too old and I’ve done some tracking of his movements.
    I don’t know what he’s expecting to get from me because I don’t have spare cash in fact he pays for the food in the house !!!!
    How do you actually break free com one of these guys when they have you loving their alter ego(s)???

    1. Hi Lesley….

      This is a really good question. Why do they say such outrageous things? I guess it is true, that the bigger the lie, the less likely people will be to question it. We don’t expect it. MI5… aragh, have heard that one before, secret service, private eye, in the military, gosh… fake jobs… fake everything. If you don’t know the truth, you cannot possibly manipulate and control them, and they have full control over you.

      Is there anything else that he is doing apart from the outrageous lying? How long have you been together?

      You ask the question how do you break free from him when you are loving their ‘alter ego’… https://datingasociopath.com/recovery-and-healing-after-dating-a-sociopath/the-five-stages-of-grief/grieving-the-person-you-thought-they-were/

      In fact try going through all of the posts back from February 2013… and work through. As I wrote it through the healing process… yes it is very hard. When you realise that the person you are in love with, doesn’t even exist and is a made up fantasy person 😦

      1. For a sociopath lying or telling the truth carries no value, which is odd. When I was young and growing up (6-16) I was a compulsive liar, it’s not something you even think about. In the end you become a pathological liar and believe everything you say, it’s not always about control and control is mainly for amusement. Saying all of that I grew up in a well off household did well at school was treated lovely by my parents was shielded from inappropriate things. I think it has more to do with genes then environment because my parents each have small qualities that all got transferred on to me. But the lie is just there for whatever sad reason, btw I am not trying to say that it’s okay to hurt people’s feelings if you are a sociopath I’m just saying its one of the only things we can enjoy.

    2. I don’t know about criminal records lesley? In the UK that is protected by Data protection Act, I don’t know if it is different in other countries (people who comment here, are from around the world). I know you couldn’t get that information here – but it might be different where you are?

    1. Thank you Scarlett…. theft by deception those were the exact words that I used. As it was theft obtained by deception. I wasn’t giving willingly, I was conned into giving, then stuck and forced to continue paying…. and by then, had invested so much, I wanted money back, and kept paying while the promises kept rolling…. until I had nothing left.

  4. This website opened my eyes. Gas lighted for years my Ex made me think I was the one with issues. He is a pathological liar and sociopath. Never said sorry or I love you. i wont miss those dead crazy eyes. He walked out on our children. Thank you God we dont need his dark soul causing us pain.

  5. I don’t know if mine was a sociopath but he is a crackhead.. He kept promising to stop and never did. Was with him for a year. I know I made the right decision to leave but it still hurt

    1. It is difficult with drugs such as crack Wanda, as the addiction itself can cause similar type of behaviour. Selfishness, lying, stealing, crazy behaviour, paranoia etc…..

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