When someone ‘fakes’ sharing your faith, it can shake your own beliefs, it can tarnish something that you perceive as ‘holy’ and special. It can attack the inner core of you. It can feel the equivalent of ‘emotional rape’
Mirroring your religious beliefs to abuse, is a common manipulation tool for the sociopath
Why do sociopath’s attach themselves to religion?
There are many different ways that a sociopath can attach themselves to religion. The first is through dating. If you recall, I wrote earlier how the first thing that the sociopath does is to:
If you meet a sociopath and you are either a) strong in your religious faith or b) grieving, the sociopath will quickly learn this about you. The sociopath will then use all that they have learned about you in assessment stage, to target you, and ….
The sociopath might have no connection at all with religious beliefs. But they are intelligent, and smart, and the sociopath will become exactly what you are looking for, and what you need. The sociopath will ‘groom’ you to believe that they are someone who:
- Shares the same religious values
- If the person is grieving, they see someone who will share and support them through grief, someone who understands, who can be trusted
This is an easy target for the sociopath, and it is also very effective. To abuse you by mirroring your needs for your faith, the sociopath finds someone who will immediately allow him into their ‘inner core’, this establishes a much deeper attachment and connection, than could ever be achieved simply by mirroring.
The victim will receive the following messages
- This person is just like me
- This person has ‘good’ values
- This is a person who is dictated by God
- This person wouldn’t do something to hurt me, because it would be against their religious beliefs
- This is a GOOD person
This will lure you into a false sense of security, not only will it move the relationship forward quicker than than you otherwise would, it will lead you to believe that this relationship is special, there is a special connection, a spiritual connection, and this would lead you open up more than your heart, soul, and truly believe that this is magical. You would be left with the impression that this is a soul mate connection that you have waited for all of your life.
Once the sociopath has established this ‘special‘ connection with you. He now has something which he can continue to manipulate you with, easily and he knows that this will be effective.
Later in the relationship, when they wish to discard you, they can easily move to the next stage:
- The sociopath will use your religion against you
- Will tell you that you are against your own faith
- Will use your beliefs to direct you, to control you
- The sociopath will behaves like he ‘is god‘ or sent by God, or Angels, or Allah to help you, to be with you (how dare you say that God’s judgement is wrong?)
Why this type of abuse is particularly damaging
Abuse of this type, is particularly damaging as it will create an attachment with the sociopath on a much deeper level than could otherwise be achieved. It attaches to your inner core, your values, your beliefs, and most importantly it attaches to what you feel is truly ‘right’. You will see the person as attached to your faith, this can create a particularly strong bond (or so you think)
If the person has came into your life when you are grieving, it will create a bonding triangle between your loved one who died, yourself and the sociopath. Making it very difficult to leave the relationship (and the sociopath will play on this).
Even after devalue and discard, the victim can be left feeling as if not only their heart and mind has been attacked, but also that their soul. The pain that is felt, is not only pain in the heart, and mind, but also in the soul.
You are left confused, and as an attachment is made with your soul and your faith, you do not know where to turn for help, support and guidance.
It is also likely that the sociopath will continue to use your faith to abuse you, even after the relationship has ended. The sociopath will tell you that you are a bad person, and that you are against your own faith. For many, when they are left isolated, the one thing that they do have left, is their faith, and without this, it can feel an assault on all of your senses. Worse, is it can make you question who you are, and everything that you believe in.
IMPORTANT: If you are in this position, It is important to remember that what the sociopath has told you, is likely LIES. You are being abused, deceived. Focus on the truth, and what you know to be right. Realise and understand this type of abuse, and separate your connection with the sociopath, and your faith.
If you are grieving, the attachment the sociopath claimed to have with your loved one, helping you through grief was also false. It is likely that this is a LIE. Let go of the sociopath and hold onto what you believe. Give yourself time to grief, and rely on those you trust to support you. Do not question your own beliefs, these beliefs are a big part of your personal identity. Seperate what you have felt for the sociopath with your faith, and grief for your loved one.
7 thoughts on “Religious Abuse”
The individual i knew said that their religion (I’m Buddhist/new age, this individual had different beliefs) confirmed them the direct ability to speak with God. They then suggested that if God spoke to them they would carry out his wishes. I asked them if this even included killing someone, and they said they would kill someone for God. Sociopath? They also did some quite shady things. Lying, manipulation….I dated the individual for over a year before they told me they had a promiscuous past and had gotten anSTD. And I found this out only after they were filling out paperwork with their family. Even when this occurred she accused me of already having been told this months ago and said that I get too defensive about these sorts of things. Sociopath?
Hi John, would need to know more information.Read the articles and comments here. I think what I write is quite factual (sociopaths sometimes read here and don’t complain too much)..other readers identify with it.
There are definitely a lot of key traits for sure. Are you out of the relationship now?
yes. We broke up after the individual said they’d rather kill me than be without me =/
I hope you doubt me too. One thing I’ve learned, regardless of what this girl may have been diagnosed or un diagnosed with, is to question. Be skeptical
This is exactly what he did to me! He told me everything I wanted to hear about my faith… even went so far as to be baptized at my church. Then we I broke up with him he messaged my pastor and most of my friends husbands who were deacons. He constantly told me that if I were really a Christian I’d forgive him and work it out and that if people knew the real me they wouldn’t let me teach their kids (I’m a youth leader and a kids worship director). As much as he verbally attacks me, he verbally attacks my church too saying that we’re all hypocrites who turned on him and refused to forgive him for his past… which is categorically untrue. When he joined my church so quickly I warned him that it would be awkward if we ever broke up, but I told him it would be fine with me if he kept coming as long as we stayed apart. When I told him I needed time to process all the lies I’d uncovered HE went on Facebook and announced to the world that the engagement was off. The members of our church immediately went online telling him they were sorry and they were praying for us… etc. But still he bashes my church to everyone – because he knows how important that is to me. He even came to my house and wadded up his Baptismal certificate and threw it at my house.
my sociopath told my all the time that God dit not exist, i believe all my life its a nasty thing what the do!!!!
Aw am sorry Luna! 😦 They can be really nasty