Learn to spot the red flags! Case study!

Learn to spot the red flags in dating!

Learn to spot the red flags in dating!

I am going to  use a blog post that I found yesterday as an example. This has inspired me to write this post. If you have been reading this blog, hopefully you should by now have learned the classic signs for spotting a sociopath.

Read the following blog post, what signs can you see? Where are the red flags?

I will highlight the red flag warning signs in red (my comments are in black bold). 

So now, here I am, a swinging bachelorette in the big city. It’s funny, it seemed the moment I updated my “current city” on Facebook, I got a rush of messages from guys I have known over the years. Mostly guys I had flirtatious relationships with that never got off the ground. As people get older and meeting people gets harder, I find people are often searching their pasts to see who might be worth a do-over. One of these searchers was a guy I dated for several hot & heavy months one summer a decade ago. My connection with this guy was deep but cut short because I moved away for school. He contacted me on Facebook and asked me to have a drink with him, I thought, why not?

The nice thing about a “do-over” is that the chemistry is already established. I could tell from our short phone conversation that he was still as witty and charming as ever (1. my first red flag, sociopaths are witty and charming). Would the attraction still be there? His profile picture looks much the same as I remember him, but I hadn’t seen this guy in like 10 years… I do remember, a few years ago, seeing him on TSN on the “World Series of Poker” he was winning, which didn’t surprise me, he had always been a pretty serious poker player.(2. My second red flag, a lot of sociopaths are poker players, it is the ideal profession for them) What did surprise me, however, was that he appeared to be losing his hair a little… well, I guess it happens to the best of us.  Anyhow, I agreed to have a drink with him.

The date went really well. We chatted like old friends and flirted like past lovers. Everything was still there it seemed (except his hairline). When he kissed me at the end of the night I felt weak (3. Sociopath’s are sexually charimatic)… I forgot how good he was at that. Everything was perfect except for one glaring problem: his life is in the exact same place now as it was 10 years go (4. Lack of life plan)  when I left for school. When we first met, he was working on his degree while bartending at the restaurant that I served at. Since that time, he graduated university and pursued career as a professional poker player.(5. Takes the easy option in life)  Remember that day I saw him playing on TSN? He didn’t win the World Series that year but he did come in 3rd, taking home a healthy 30,000.00 prize.(6. This is an obvious lie – as 3rd place world poker is 10 x this amount) After this he proceeded to quit his job as a bartender and pursue a full-time job gambling.(7. who but a sociopath does this? – lack of life plan and parasidic lifestyle).  He learned the hard way, however, that gambling is not necessary the most lucrative career and, over the next few years, dwindled his winnings down to….nothing. 30k, gone, just like that. So now, he’s back slinging highballs at the local pub, “re-evaluating” what he’s going to do now.(8. saying what she want’ to hear, and victim mentality) “Let’s do this again really soon.” The Gambler said to me after he kissed me.

Would we be doing it again?? My first thought was no.(Trust your instincts!) I would like, at some point, to get married and have a family, or, at the very least, find a partner to spend my life with. (if you tell him this, he will sell this to you) I have spent the last 10 years of my life dating men that are inappropriate for this role. It’s not that I’m incapable of making smarter choices, it’s just that I wasn’t really thinking long-term until this point in my life. The Gambler is a fantastic guy, whom I have an undeniable connection with,(how is this connection possible, when you haven’t seen each other for 10 years? another red flag) however, I am having  a really hard looking past the way he has lived his life.(trust your instincts) I feel terribly guilty (why?) even saying that out loud because it makes me feel judgmental. I know that how remorseful he is about the decisions he’s made and I feel bad for him in that respect(because he has played victim to you) but still, I have to think about my life. It’s hard because I know how difficult it is to meet good people who you connect with these days, (this is exactly what the sociopath plays on) and I do genuinely still have feeling for this person, but there are a lot of red flags in the air for me right now. (the red flags you were sensing were for a reason!!)…

Often we see the red flags right in the beginning. But, we ignore them, or kid ourselves that maybe it will be ok.

If you ever wondered ‘how did it happen?’, I think that this post is a good example of how it can happen.

I can’t say for sure that this person IS a sociopath. But, I would bet £100 that he is. All the classic signs are there. Even if you HAVEN’T been involved with a sociopath, read about them, read about character traits, educated yourself, to prevent yourself from becoming the next victim.

  • Sociopaths LOOK normal
  • Dress normal
  • Are intelligent
  • Funny witty charismatic and charming

You cannot discover a sociopath by the way that they look. It is about looking deeper. Look at their past. Look at what they have been doing in their life. Research the signs, how responsible they are?  We often will ignore red flags, and continue, for ‘something to do, for now’…. not realising that the sociopath has the ability to lure you in.

Learn to trust your gut instincts. Your gut instincts are warning you RED FLAG, RED FLAG!!!




5 thoughts on “Learn to spot the red flags! Case study!

  1. Just discovered this post & it is AWESOME template — all of it !! It truly is like a script — astonishing– I’m laughing – I’m that woman– and he was THAT guy. Sheesh.

    Pos, there are hidden gems here, I’ve got to do a post review so I don’t miss anything going into 2014 — I want to be armed & ready for love & any counterfeits that may try to sneak in

  2. I dated a high-functioning sociopath and he was anything BUT charming and charismatic. He was the embodiment of nervous (to the point of slight perspiration on his brow), awkward, pensive, quiet, sexually inappropriate and seemed to lack the basic social filters most of us have when introducing ourselves to others for the first time and on a first date. I thought his social awkwardness (and sexual inappropriateness) was because he was an IT nerd, with little experience dating women, but I was sadly, sadly mistaken. He wanted exclusivity at the one month mark of dating. On EXACTLY the one month mark of getting that exclusivity, he told me he was in love with me (I told him I wasn’t there yet). Asked me to marry him a week before the 3 month mark of our first meeting, which happened to coincide with him moving his business out of state. I thought the premature proposal was due to him moving to Utah where he had just bought a home. Now I realize that it was to isolate me, under the pretense of beginning a life together, in order to have me under his watchful eye, have unrestricted access to my computer activity through his ISP, and to begin siphoning the personal information he needed to gain from me so he could use that information to control me emotionally, financially, and sexually. Much to his chagrin, I packed my car and left a little over 1 month after arriving there. I had never experienced such a radical shift in attitude and behavior as I did upon moving in with this man. I’ve never experienced anything before like it or anyone like him. He was the strangest human being I have ever encountered, but that wasn’t obvious until I lived in his home for a few days…and that was ALL it took to see him for who he was. A few days of living in his home was all it took to understand that something was very, very wrong with him.

  3. Great article
    Great comments as well
    I fell hook line and sinker first with the flirtation and then with the line, I want you for a best friend. I choose my friends carefully and we are friends for life. Financially he took my bank account, retirement account and all my emotions.

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