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Merry Christmas – A message to those who are either still in the relationship – or if the sociopath is still lurking around!

 

stages-of-leaving-an-abusive-relationship

Merry Christmas!

I hope that you have had a peaceful Christmas, that was free from abuse, control, or just making you feel bad. I really hope you are free. But i know from recent survey on the site, that this is not the case for many. I ran the survey because I wanted to know how many of my readers were either still stuck in the relationship, or who had escaped but the sociopath was still lurking around. I expected the numbers to be high, and they were. I will publish the poll results later in this post.

Why it can be difficult to escape the control of a Psycho or Sociopath

Many people might ask the question

If he/she is treating you so bad, then why do you stay? Or why can’t you get rid of him/her?

This article is relevant for both Psychopaths and Sociopaths, so i will just use the term psycho to describe both. No offence to the psychos who read this site – it is easier for me to write.

Victims stay, out of fear. Often your life would have been whittled down to nothing. The psycho will do all that they can, to ensure that they and only they are centre stage in your life. When you try to leave you could experience the following:

  • Threats
  • Blackmail
  • Experience of things getting worse, much much  worse as they start to carry out threats
  • Further losses (financial, social, employment, family, friends)
  • Bombardment of communication
  • Following through of threats, attempts to damage your reputation

It is like holding tight onto a boat, that it is sinking. You cling desperately to the sinking boat thinking that if you let go you will drown. Or at least that is the way that it can feel.

I can assure you, that you will not drown anymore than you already have done. That you will survive. That you are stronger than you think you are.

Keeping in contact to retain their happiness, can feel like ‘damage limitation’. You are trying to avoid further losses and damage. After all, you have been through so much already. Or perhaps life is peaceful right now and you don’t want to rock the boat. You know that it won’t remain peaceful. It will get worse again. You will suffer further losses. You might even find that your own personality changes, and you wonder if you have become just like them?

The truth is, it doesn’t matter WHAT YOU DO to limit damage, the OUTCOME WILL ALWAYS BE THE SAME.

You might think that keeping on their good side, will prevent you being hurt further, and stop further losses, but this thinking is wrong. The outcome is always the same. You cannot stop them doing what they do. You cannot damage limit a psycho. Causing damage and destruction is part of their nature. Even if they pretend that it isn’t.

Psychos like to destroy their victims. They like to ensure that NOBODY else would want you. They ensure that they finish you off, as much as they can. It doesn’t matter if you are keeping on their good side now. They WILL NOT AND CANNOT CHANGE. You need to understand this. All that you are doing, by staying or allowing contact, is delaying the inevitable.

Results of the recent poll

This are results of recent poll on the site you can view and sign the poll here 

Why are you visiting dating a sociopath today?
You are a victim, and are out of the relationship learning the truth, sociopath still lurking around 30.19%  (112 votes)  
You are a victim and have been sociopath free, and no contact for 6 months or more 25.88%  (96 votes)  
You are a victim and are learning the truth, the sociopath has abandoned you 18.33%  (68 votes)  
You are a victim still in the relationship 12.13%  (45 votes)  
Other: 6.2%  (23 votes)  
You think you are a sociopath or psychopath but do not have a formal diagnosis 3.5%  (13 votes)  
You are here for research purposes 2.43%  (9 votes)  
You have received a formal diagnosis of Psychopath or Sociopath 0.81%  (3 votes)  
No reason, you just stumbled upon this site 0.53%  (2 votes)  

 

Total Votes: 371
If I include those who have recently been abandoned,  as frequently they will show back up, suddenly and without warning with a quick ‘hi how are you?’, as if nothing has happened. The outcome of the poll is that more than half of you still have a psycho in your life. No doubt up to no good. Even if you do not realise this.
This time of the year is the perfect time, to make the change. Make the plan to get out, stay out and stay safe. Make 2017 YOUR year! 
Nobody has the right to control, manipulate, deceive, or violate you. Unless you give them permission to do so.
You might argue that right now things are good, and that your psycho isn’t that bad. Maybe you think you can handle them, or that they treat you differently to others, you are special. I can promise you, that you won’t know the real truth until you have left. I mean fully left them behind and started to rebuild your life.
Believe me, once you have left, you will see the REAL person who they are. Don’t be scared of this. It isn’t someone new. This is who you always were with, they just hid it well.
How do you get out in a safe way?
  • Tell them that the relationship is over, you want no further contact
  • Stick to no contact
  • Be firm. Inform that you will report to the police for harassment if they continue to contact you.
  • Let go of ‘what they owe you’ that they promise to pay back.
  • Ignore threats. They will do what they are going to do anyway. They are impulsive and lack control. It is likely that you might face further losses, but ride the storm. Once it is over – you will have nothing but gains. You can heal and rebuild.
  • Give no energy or power to them. Give them nothing at all.
  • Build your own support network. Start very small.
  • Follow through and report to the police if they continue to harass you.
  • Block them on social media. Don’t change your phone number, instead install an app to redirect their calls and messages, this can be used as evidence, without you being bothered.
  • It might feel like they will never leave you alone, but they will, if you give no energy at all to them. Just ignore them.
  • Focus on gratitude for the small things in your life. Try not to focus on your losses. By focusing on what you do have, letting go of what you don’t you will bring more of what you want towards you.
  • If you can afford it, book to see a therapist
  • Understand that psychological abuse can take some time to undo, heal and recover from. But know that you CAN and WILL get well. No matter how bad things are for you right now.
  • Do not, no matter how much time passes, respond to email, texts, calls, or contact on social media. Do not enquire how they are doing, or spy on their social media accounts. This will make your healing and recovery take longer.
  • If they continue to harass you, consider taking out an injunction order against them
Make it clear, that you WILL report to the police. That the matter will be between you and the police. Not you and them.
Please do, follow through if you say that you will do so. Even if the police do nothing, it does build evidence that you might need at a later date.
If you are living with them
If you are living in their property – This is trickier. But it can be done. Without their knowledge find somewhere else to stay. If you have a good friend or family member, go there. Try to do this when they are not around, or move your belongings out slowly. If you can have someone with you while you do this, this would be better, and safer for you.
Please don’t focus on losses. This is about regaining you, your self respect, your life, and moving to a place that you can heal.
If you don’t have a friend or family to stay with (I know that they can isolate you from others). Either secretly keep back money, to pay for a deposit elsewhere. Or leave and go to a domestic violence shelter. Contact a local branch for help and support with this. Take belongings that are important (paperwork/ID, essential clothes, photographs) leave as if you are never returning – hopefully you won’t.
If you jointly own property
You could apply for an injunction order to keep them away from the home. This is risky if you jointly own, It would be better temporarily to get out as above. You can sort out legal issues later. Getting out, and getting to a place of safety is the most important priority.
If they are living with you 
This is common, as they are often freeloaders, and like to live off of other people for free. If they live in your accommodation, it might be useful to obtain support from a local domestic violence agency. You could speak to the police, and say that you are in an abusive relationship and you want them to leave your home, could they offer support and assistance for you when you ask him to leave? Alternatively you could ask friends/family for help. But this is risky, as the psycho would know these people, and would likely cause further damage to your own support network that you will need to support you.
If necessary apply for an injunction order to keep them away from you.
  • Make sure that you change all door locks. Sometimes in certain areas, a domestic violence unit can help you with this.
Don’t be guilt tripped, or held back if they have nowhere to go. If you can for  a short period of time, it might be good to stay with a friend or family member that you trust. Expect that they might show back up at the house. If he/she does, remember that they are no longer your responsibility. Do not be guilt tripped or feel sorry for them. This cycle will continue forever, unless you break it. This is about safeguarding and protecting you.
What if you have children together?
It can be especially difficult to leave if you have children. You might be scared that the psycho will take your children away from you. This reason alone keeps many parents (particularly mothers) stuck in the relationship far longer than they should. Remember that the outcome is always the same. They will not change.
This article is for those who have children with one. There are also comments from other readers that might offer advice. Enlist support from people you trust, close friends and family. Likely they also would have been concerned for the safety and welfare of you and your child.
Try not to be frightened or intimidated. Again, bring in a professional agency to help you. Speak to a domestic abuse service in your area for additional support.
Look forward to the future! 
A new year is time to look forward. Please don’t look back, you are not heading in that direction. The sociopath will never change. They cannot change.
It is the perfect time, to start to walk in a new direction. No it likely won’t be easy. Leaving a sociopath is not easy. It is the most dangerous time. But if you don’t do it now – when will you? If you haven’t left yet, or if they are still around harassing you, please make it your 2017 new years resolution, to quit your attachment to them. To give them up. For good. To start to heal and recover and begin to live the life that you really deserve.
Merry Christmas
Copyright datingasociopath.com 2016